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A magazine for parents, teachers, and kids
KIDS’ zone stories from: Strathalbyn Christian College Rehoboth Christian College
what little girls wished daddies knew
Parenting and Christian Schools Mar 2014
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nurture March 2014 1
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editorial You might notice something a little different. Our editorial and design teams have been working hard to bring a fresh face to Nurture. We are passionate about Christian education and look forward to working in partnership with families of over 20,000 students. You will find articles which will help you to foster and strengthen your child’s faith, help you to gain a greater understanding of what Christian education really is, what a biblical worldview really means, and the benefits of partnering with your school.
“You might notice something a little different. Our editorial and design teams have been working hard to bring a fresh face to Nurture.”
Some of the new additions include parenting tips, bite-sized news, QR Codes, and weblinks, real life stories, and information on how to help you to make your child’s journey at school and home more meaningful. I’m also NEW! I’m thrilled to join the CEN team and being a part of this exciting change to Nurture. I have four children who all attend a Christian school. Like you, I am always searching for ways to be a better parent, to enrich their faith, and to support them through these influential years. I look forward to
sharing this journey with you. If you would like to share a story with families through Nurture, please send me an email. I’d love to hear from you.
Anne Blair-Hickman, Editor
Welcome to QR Codes As part of our new look Nurture, we’re introducing QR Codes. A QR code is like a barcode which can be scanned using a QR reader app on your iPad, tablet or smartphone. When you scan the QR Code, your device will take you to a weblink which relates to the article you’re reading. Note: You will need to be connected to the internet.
Circulation 8,200 ISSN 0312-2778 Editor: Anne Blair-Hickman Address for correspondence: Po Box 1892 Penrith NSW 2751 Tel 02 4773 5800 Fax 02 4773 5801 Email: publications@cen.edu.au Website: www.cen.edu.au Advertising, circulation and subscriptions: Amanda Hottinger amanda.hottinger@cen.edu.au Printer: Signs Publishing
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Go to your app store and download a free QR Code Reader such as Scan, Neoreader or QR Reader App
Once downloaded, open the app
Point your iPad or smartphone’s camera at the QR Code and click the scan option
Within a few seconds you will be taken to the website or video clip relating to the QR Code
Design: Taninka Visuals Email: tanya@taninka.com.au Cover image: Sabrina Paez, Nepean Christian School Subscription rates - for four issues per year: Single subscriptions: $26.00 (incl. GST) CEN schools bulk subscriptions: $13.20 (inc. GST) Bulk subscriptions: $19.80 (incl. GST) Overseas rates: AUS$35.00 (excl. GST) Publisher: Christian Education National Ltd.
Copyright: All material appearing in Nurture is copyright. It may be reproduced in part for study or training purposes subject to an inclusion of an acknowledgement of the source and with permission of the publisher. Publications committee: Managing Editor: Chris Parker Committee: Margaret Aitchison, Anne Blair-Hickman, Elizabeth Padgett, Ruth Thompson, Neil Pierson, Amy Moore. Editorial policy: 1. To challenge Christian parents to a fuller and deeper responsibility towards the training and education of their children.
2. To bring before the Christian community the compelling claims of Christ-centred education which supports parents in this task. The opinions expressed in editorials, articles, reviews, letters and advertising are solely the responsibility of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the position of Christian Education National Ltd. Letters to the editor are invited: letters may be edited to meet editorial requirements. All advertising/ editorial copy may be edited, condensed or refused for publication. Anonymous contributions will not be published.
nurture March 2014 3
What do you expect of a Christian School? Early this year scores of mums and dads will be looking forward to the start of another school year; not only because they are getting tired of the school holidays. Early in February, Karen or whatever the name may be—will be starting school. Then life will start in earnest.
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um and Dad, and Karen too, have high expectations, because Karen is going to a Christian school! And a parentcontrolled one at that! In the eyes of Mum and Dad, Karen is an intelligent and active child.
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Sometimes she is a bit too active, but school will take care of that once Karen is challenged by the demands of learning. It is good that the school is known for its discipline too. Mum and Dad think that is just what Karen needs, because at times she is a bit unruly and becomes a handful for Mum. This is understandable, for Mum has just had another baby who takes up a lot of her time. School will teach Karen to be obedient and considerate! And there is one other thing; Karen tends to get bossy at times – (does she take after her father?) – because when she plays with other children she always seems to take the lead and gets the other children to do what she wants. No www.cen.edu.au
Take time and talk to the teacher about your concerns, and you will be amazed at what such a discussion can do
parents and teachers work together, not in opposition, for the wellbeing and nurture of the child behaviour automatically, since she is now going to a Christian school. The same character traits that manifest themselves at home will also appear at school and cause the same sort of tensions and troubles. This does not mean that the school cannot help; it probably can. If Karen’s father and mother discuss their concerns with their teacher, she/he will certainly be willing to cooperate. TOGETHER they can work on the concerns the parents have about Karen. In this way we express one aspect of what it means to be a parent-controlled school; that parents and teachers work together, not in opposition, for the wellbeing and nurture of the child.
There needs to be reciprocity between home and school.
doubt the Christian school will help her develop her leadership talents. Some of you might think I am exaggerating, but the above expectations are genuine for many parents when their children begin to attend a Christian school. Sometimes parents do not even realise that they are thinking this way. Naturally we must have certain expectations of a Christian school. Otherwise we would not consider sending our children to such a school. The question isn’t, “Do we have expectations?” but, “Are these expectations realistic?” One unrealistic expectation is that Karen is going to change her
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Karen certainly will learn about ‘sin’ at school and how we can resist and overcome it in our lives, irrespective of age. Karen will learn about God’s forgiveness. She will learn to pray to God for the help of His Spirit so that she may grow into the person that He wants her to be. That teaching must also be upheld in the home, if it is to have any real meaning and influence. Parents need to realise that schooling is closely linked with the process of growth, and that cooperation between teacher and parent should continue for the whole period of schooling if there is to be a lasting effect. This should not be interpreted as the parent ‘telling on the child’ to the teacher, but rather that the teacher must be placed in a position to reinforce the Christian teaching received at home, as well as the parents reinforcing the teaching received in the school. There needs to be reciprocity between home and school. You may find this idealistic, and it is! But we need to remember that it
can only be realised if there is close cooperation between parents and teachers. If this is not maintained, the child will perceive a discrepancy between the home and the school and the danger is that the child will adopt a double standard. The same can be said about discipline. If Karen is ‘allowed to get away with a lot’ at home, she will try to do so at school. If she is disciplined firmly enough at school she will learn that it does not work there. But this basically changes nothing, because Karen’s attitude will remain the same, at home I can get away with a lot, but at school I have to be a bit more careful! If we do not get to the root of this problem, that pattern may remain with Karen for the rest of her life. If Karen does not learn to respect authority at home, will she automatically do so at school? No, of course not. Are you pleased that your child is starting school? What exactly are you expecting school to do for the child? You MUST have some expectations if you enrol your child in a Christian school! You may even be doing this at great financial cost; you may be making a great spiritual, emotional, and moral investment for your child. You wish to fulfil the obligations which you took upon yourself when God entrusted this child into your care. The Christian school is there to help execute that task. If that is the case, then let the teachers hear about your particular expectations for your child. Take time and talk to the teacher about your concerns, and you will be amazed at what such a discussion can do; you can learn a lot about your child’s behaviour and the influence of your own behaviour on your child. It may help you to become a more understanding parent; you will be able to pray more intelligently for your child. It most certainly will help you to see where the teacher can help you and you the teacher. Then you will understand what expectations you CAN have of your Christian school. A timeless article written by John van der Reest for Nurture, originally published February 1987.
nurture March 2014 5
Teen Sex by the Book
by Dr Patricia Weerakoon
Excellent… Informative… Timely… As a parent I found this book to communicate effectively what my teenage children need to know regarding this very important, though at times awkward, subject. Trying to find material that will equip you to have ‘that talk’ and present accurate, relevant, and engaging information isn’t easy. This book is a real gift from God to parents who want to raise their children according to His ways. It is undergirded with relevant scriptural references and conveys a message that reinforces a biblical world view. Dr Weerakoon’s use of other teenagers’ comments and questions brought a strong relate-ability factor to her writing. It is obvious that she writes with her teenage audience in mind, however it was not limited to youth, it was also very applicable to parent, teacher, and youth worker. Though she uses numerous medical terms it doesn’t become bogged down or burdensome it just adds to the credibility of her expertise. Her obvious vast experience with the topic of ‘Teen Sex’ adds authenticity to the information in her book. It offers a no-compromise approach and appeals to Christian youth to lead
a life that is countercultural. Inspiring them that they can rise above the ‘sex overload’ that western society offers and saturates them with. The book also addresses other relevant topics that our teenagers not only need but want to be informed about such as what constitutes ‘having sex,’ dangers of cybersex, and pornography. It takes a look at homosexuality, sexual desire, and the way puberty impacts the young person. Dr Weerakoon offers her expertise in a non-judgemental way that will not alienate any reader, especially those who are most in need of it. Highly recommend it and have already referred many of my friends to read it. I would score this book an 8 out of 10. Book Review by Margaret Garland I was born in Burnie, Tasmania and recently moved to Tea Tree Gully with my family. I’ve been married for 18 years with three children. Joshua (17) , Naomi (15) and Katherine (11). Currently I’m employed at Torrens Valley Christian School as the school chaplain. I am actively involved at Living Faith Fellowship in St. Agnes.
20% off Teen Sex by the book
scan the QR code or visit the website cepstore.com.au At checkout enter the Promo Code: NURTURE02 Offer ends 30th April.
Also available “Interactive Workshops” for leaders. tsbtb.net
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news elcome to the first edition of Nurture for 2014. Anne recently joined our team as the editor of Nurture. This is just one of the many hats she wears. She also works in a Christian school but, first and foremost, she is a Christian parent who wants to see Nurture being a blessing to other parents. Expect to see stories and articles that help and inspire you in your role as a parent. Hopefully reading Nurture will develop your understanding and appreciation for Christian education and the way you can work in partnership with your school. Christian education starts with parents as a response to a biblically informed responsibility before God. We begin educating our children from their birth and continue until adulthood. Then it changes to advice if you’re able. Many parents seek to carry out this responsibility in community with other people and, at their best, Christian schools are communities of parents who partner with teachers in fulfilling the task of raising children to understand God’s world and their place in it. A Christian school can not cure the issues of a fallen world. Schooling doesn’t always turn out well. But what a blessing to know that your children and grandchildren are part of a committed community at such a vulnerable stage of their lives and that they are being taught skills and understandings by educators who acknowledge that the world belongs to God.
More than a school By Ken Dickens
There are some in society, however, who see such a situation not as a blessing but as a dangerous or harmful attack on ‘proper’ education and democracy. A recently published book entitled Taking God to school seeks to make this case. It is easy to be taken in by such an argument. We can be conned into thinking that education is a ‘neutral’ thing that has been overtaken by a Christian worldview. The reality is that education is never neutral. In our society, education is generally driven by a secularist worldview. Christian schools are seeking to redress that problem and within such a clash of worldviews, there will be some hostility.
Can I encourage you to consider this? That you belong to a community committed to Christian education, rather than sending your children to a school?
There are various aspects to belonging to a community and multiple ways of engaging in it. During the year I want to write about the way our school Associations operate and about parents being the ‘moral owners’ of our schools that promote good citizenship of our nation based on our citizenship of the Kingdom. Ken Dickens Chief Executive Officer Christian Education National
Come and visit the Christian Education National website at www.cen.edu.au
A new face at CEN
We’d like to welcome Kathy Pereira as our new State Executive Officer for NSW/ACT. • She commenced working in Christian education in 1981. • She has worked as a teacher and principal. • She also worked with international mission and development with a focus on Christian education. • Kathy loves an adventure – infact she has determined the gender of fish, had a hippo blocking access to her tent in Africa and in one day, spent time with chiefs, kings, princesses and prostitutes. • She loves seeing God through new lenses.
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Part One: The Toddler Years
For Parents
So, what is the greatest gift you can give your children? It is the gift of love. Of course.
That was the easy first question.
So, what is the second greatest gift you can give your children? Not sure? I’ll give you a clue.
It is something that will assist your child in almost every area of their life, from childhood right through to adulthood.
It will enhance their academic, spiritual, social, physical, and emotional development. It is the one thing that will equip them to love well and to live well. It is the gift of self-control.
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o how do you teach self-control in the toddler years? By lecturing? No.
With a stern face and voice? No. Through using lots of negative consequences? No. It can primarily be taught through play in a positive and encouraging manner. This makes it fun for both toddler and parent. Self-control is not taught in a day. Sorry about that.
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Self – a person’s or thing’s own individuality or essence; composed of one’s own personality, affairs, emotions, behaviour and character.
Control – direct; subject to guidance; in proper order; hold in check; regulate, verify. This is a truly beautiful gift that you can give your child. To gift your child with the ability to manage their own emotions, words and behaviour is truly precious and will benefit every facet of his or her life. This series will outline some practical suggestions for teaching self-control in the toddler years, the early school years, primary school years, high school years and then young adulthood.
Rather, it is accumulated little by little, day after day, within the framework of an orderly environment. You can train your child in self-control through their everyday activities of sleeping, eating, playing, visiting, shopping, and so on. By organising your daily activities into a flexible pattern you will be providing the ideal environment for your child to progressively learn to control his or her words, actions, and emotions. So, three quick examples of teaching self-control:
Lunch time
I’m not sure about you, but I did not get excited about making another vegemite sandwich each lunch time. However, I did get excited about using lunch time as practice for self-control. I would encourage my toddler to sit quietly (developing physical selfcontrol) and to converse in a polite and respectful manner (developing verbal self-control). I would shower my toddler with verbal affirmation and encourage their good choices to promote learning.
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Rest time
Mel Hayde, M.Ed, B.Ed, C.Th, C.Bib.Couns.
concentrates, she is developing selfcontrol over her actions.
Each afternoon my little ones had rest time. This was for their benefit and my own. They were expected to quietly play on their bed until their song came on. That was the audio cue for them to leave their room. We started with 15 – 20 minutes and built this time up to 60 – 90 minutes each afternoon. While I did enjoy the peace and quiet, most importantly my toddler was learning the self-control of self-play adeptness and contentment.
I am currently employed as a teacher/chaplain at Nepean Christian School in Mulgoa, Sydney. I love to travel around Australia to speak to parents about enjoying the precious toddler years. I have written Terrific Toddlers 1 & 2. I’m married to Kris, a Mortgage Broker, and we have Caleb (21), Emily (19), Samuel (16) and an angel girl in heaven.
Can you see the potential in every part of your toddler’s day to develop self-control? Developing character into the heart of my child was the part of parenting I got most excited about. Training our children is indeed Kingdom work. You can find a whole book full of examples of how to use each every day activity to teach self-control and other heart virtues in Terrific Toddlers available from www.koorong.org.au or www.terrifictoddlers.com.au
Puzzle time
As your toddler completes a puzzle she will be developing fine motor skills as she learns to put the right piece in the right place, and her academic skills will be developed as you talk about the content of the puzzle picture. Most importantly however as she sits and
Next edition: For Parents – Part Two: The Early School Years
head lice
Remind your child to never share their hat.
scratch scratch scratch
Our kids could be sharing more than thoughts as they put their heads together at school! Head lice and nit diagnoses tend to peak at back to school times. Lice are tiny, wingless blood sucking insects and only survive on humans. They feed from the scalp every two hours and will die from dehydration within 24 hours if unfed. The life cycle of head lice
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Pediculus humanus captis
Third moult 10 days after hatching
F
M
Emerging from their third moult as adult lice, the female and slightly smaller male begin to reproduce
Second moult five days after hatching
7 Female lays first egg one or two days after mating
3
to 1 9d 17
ays
ys
Female can lay approximately three to eight eggs per day for the next 16 days
ys
ys
7d
0 days
da
da
da
1 Egg is laid on hair shaft. Egg is called a “nit”
to 1
o7
9
12
6t
to
to
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2
8
ays
16
First moult two days after hatching
Louse emerges after six to seven days
For more information on how to treat your kids, go to:
19
t
2 o3
ys
da
32 to 35 days
9 Having lived 32 to 35 days the louse dies
Reprinted with the permission of Department of Health, Victoria.
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nurture March 2014 9
Apps
tips for parents Here are some rules prepared by Graham Stanton for his 13 year old daughter who wanted to join Facebook. This is the first thing that was written on her wall: Welcome to Facebook! Until you turn 16, these are the rules: You promise to: have mum and me as friends stay friends with your extended family members (though you don’t have to have your family members posts show up in your timeline - I can show you how to manage that setting) not change your password without our knowledge or permission not change your privacy settings without talking to me first agree to renegotiate these rules whenever we think it’s appropriate Mum and I promise to: not post on your wall (other than this one time) not tag you in photos without your permission help you learn how to navigate this world in a way that protects you from harm and from harming others agree to renegotiate these rules whenever you think it’s appropriate
The Bible App for Kids FREE
Help your kids fall in love with God’s word. The Bible App for kids is the newest member of the YouVersion family of apps. Available now for iPhone, iPad and iPod touch.
Kids can explore big stories of the Bible Easy, kid-friendly navigation Colourful illustrations Touch-activated animations Engaging, interactive content Fun facts and activities
ated m i n a ies stor
fun game s
To read the full article scan the QR code or go to growingfaith.com.au/ parenting/facebookrules-for-our-kids
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Parents in Partnership Stories of parents helping at school
Sharing your child’s journey at school is an incredibly rewarding experience. It’s also a wonderful opportunity to get involved in your local community. You could either help in classrooms with reading and maths groups, assist with excursions, camps and sports, help out in the library, join the school’s Association, Board or Committees. Some schools have a Parents in Partnership Program. Just talk to your child’s teacher or the school principal to see how you can get started.
Primary Sewing
Library
It gave me an opportunity to chat and get to know the students who I normally pass by in my frequent visits to the school. Parents in Partnership in the classroom builds relationships between parents, teachers and student, which all add to the character and strength of the school.
I went along to my first day working in the school library for the 3rd grade, with a little apprehension (as there often is when doing anything new), but I soon found that I could manage the task with relative ease. The library staff showed me what to do. An added bonus has been that my own son is in that class, so it has given me an opportunity to spend some time with his classmates each week, and get to know the various children he talks about at home.
As a Parents in Partnership mum, I enjoyed moments of pleasure when I saw the children making headway with their new skills in sewing.
Sport
Primary Reading Groups Each Tuesday morning, I supervise a small group of Years 1 and 2 children with reading for 45 minutes. The reading programme is clearly laid out and there is no need to be a trained teacher to guide the group. Even though my own children are not in my reading group, they appreciate my presence in the school and run to greet me after lessons. I have been able to better understand their daily routine and the reading programme. It has been an enjoyable experience. www.cen.edu.au
Could you thread my needle please? This was the repetitive question that was asked by the students of Year 3 as we endeavoured to teach them preliminary sewing skills.
For several years now I have helped each week with primary sport. In summer I take a group for T-Ball and in winter a group for netball with athletics in between. I also go on as many excursions as possible and have been really fortunate to go on a couple of camps as well. I love the outdoor activities with the children and have really enjoyed the opportunity to be involved with them, to get to know names and faces, and to build up relationships. All … sharing a these activities help me to get to know task with them the staff too and regularly has built sharing a task with relationships them regularly has built relationships which I value.
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What little girls wish daddies knew by tara HEdman
I
’m spending the morning waiting for my car in the repair shop. Four men in flannel (I missed the flannel memo) and I sit around smelling tyres and inhaling exhaust fumes while an enchanting little fairy is in constant motion around her daddy. She climbs on him, giggles, turns around, and then she’s back to twirling on the tiles. She’s bouncing and spinning around in her pink frilly skirt. Her black cable knit tights are sagging around her tiny knees, and her puffy coat makes her arms stand out further than is natural. To top off the ensemble is a shiny crystal tiara. It’s been tacked down to her head with what appears to be about 60 haphazard bobby pins. She’s probably four years old. So little, so vulnerable. She doesn’t seem concerned about it as she sings about teapots and ladybugs in her black Mary Janes. I feel myself tear up as I watch her. I tear up as I watch him watch her. She could not possibly know at four what impact this man, his character, or his words will have on her for years to come. And, maybe he doesn’t know either.
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So, to all the daddies with little girls who aren’t old enough yet to ask for what they need from you, here is what we wish you knew:
1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9.
How you love me is how I will love myself. Ask how I am feeling and listen to my answer. I need to know you value me before I can understand my true value. I learn how I should be treated by how you treat my mum, whether you are married to her or not. If you are angry with me, I feel it even if I don’t understand it, so talk to me. Every time you show grace to me or someone else, I learn to trust God a little more. I need to experience your nurturing physical strength, so I learn to trust the physicality of men. Please don’t talk about sex like a teenage boy, or I think it’s something dirty. When your tone is gentle, I understand what you are saying much better. How you talk about female bodies when you’re ‘just joking’ is what I believe about my own.
10. How you handle my heart is how I will allow it to be handled by others.
11. If you encourage me to find what brings joy, I will always seek it. 12. If you teach me what safe feels like when I’m with you, I will know better how to guard myself from men who are not.
It’s pretty simple, really. Little girls just love their daddies. They each think their daddy hung the moon. It’s pretty simple, really. Little girls just love their daddies. They each think their daddy hung the moon. Once in a while when you look at your little gal twirling in her frilly skirt, remember she’ll be grown one day. What do you want her to know about men, life, herself, love? What you do and say now matters for a lifetime. Daddies, never underestimate the impact of your words or deeds on your daughters, no matter their age.
13. Teach me a love of art, science, and nature, and I will learn that intellect matters more than dress size.
14. Let me say exactly what I want even if it’s wrong or silly, because I need to know having a strong voice is acceptable to you.
15. When I get older, if you seem afraid of my changing body, I will believe something is wrong with it.
16. If you understand contentment for yourself, so will I. 17. When I ask you to let go, please remain available; I will always come back and need you if you do.
18. If you demonstrate tenderness, I learn to embrace my own vulnerability rather than fear it.
19. When you let me help fix the car and paint the house, I will believe I can do anything a boy can do.
20. When you protect my femininity, I learn everything about me is worthy of protecting.
21. How you treat our dog when you think I’m not watching tells me more about you than does just about anything else.
22. Don’t let money be everything, or I learn not to respect it or you. 23. Hug, hold, and kiss me in all the ways a daddy does that are right
and good and pure. I need it so much to understand healthy touch.
24. Please don’t lie, because I believe what you say. 25. Don’t avoid hard conversations, because it makes me believe I’m not
Tara is a registered psychotherapist. She walks with individuals on their journey to find hope and wholeness of heart in a world where life is often complicated and devastating. Her formal education is in the field of psychology and mental health counseling. She began leading individual and group counseling sessions at a community crisis center over ten years ago. To read more scan the QR code or go to tarahedman. com/blog/
worth fighting for.
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nurture March 2014 13
Sustainable Education at Strathalbyn Christian College A group of students walk past me, laughing, cheering, and waving brightly coloured banners (it’s sports carnival day). A small girl breaks away from the group and comes up to me saying, “Mr Clarke, I have some more radishes in my bag today”. We exchange smiles. As the sustainability teacher here at Strathalbyn Christian College I often get ‘gardening updates’ from students who have their own gardens and are growing and sharing good food. It is inspiring to see our students taking the experience of gardening at school into their own backyards. Authentic learning always makes a difference and fundamentally changes the learner and their world around them.
In a world of ultra ‘blue tooth technology’ our students are finding joy and inspiration in unplugging and connecting to the larger story of the dirt, the sun, and of God’s good world. Our sustainability classes were introduced to primary school last year. Students have 1.5 hours a week to learn about the many various issues surrounding living in a sustainable, God honoring way. The theoretical side covers issues such as global foot printing, consumption, waste, water, energy, gardening skills, ecology, and our local habitats. The practical side sees students digging, weeding, planting, and harvesting wholesome food in our school veggie garden. Students in Years 7-8 are also involved with the local
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council to look after the Chapman River (which runs past our school) and the local arboretum which is a display of the ecology and biodiversity of our region. In a world where unlimited growth, hyper-pleasure and consumption seems to define ‘the good life’, our sustainable education classes are actively seeking to subvert the story of success which is predicated on destruction of the once ‘very good’ creation. As people of faith in a Lord who prayed “your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven” we want to inspire students to see our world, not in terms of resources to plunder, but as a gift from a loving God. We try to live consciously: conscious that our ‘stuff’, our plastic wrap, our iPods, our pens and books, in themselves have a story that connects us to the economic system of extraction, production, consumption, and disposal. While sometimes we adults can become disheartened at the massive issues of population, peak energy, resource distribution, etc., I have found students to be so positive and practical. The joy of watching students discover fresh peas on the vine, peach flowers on the trees, bird nests in the branches, and ladybirds in the veggie patch is so inspiring. In a world of ultra ‘blue tooth technology’ our students are finding joy and inspiration in unplugging and connecting to the larger story of the dirt, the sun, and of God’s good world. Daniel Clarke, Sustainability Education, Strathalbyn Christian College Scan the QR code or visit www.scc.wa.edu.au
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Equipping & Energising Parents & Carers ●
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New engaging articles on parenting every week Reviews on culture and how it impacts our kids Free monthly e-newsletter iPad and tablet-friendly kids’ section Online bookstore with kids’ and parenting titles
... and much more!
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+ nurture March 2014 15
Raising Christian Teenagers
Advice from a seventeen year old, on how to be a good Christian parent.
by Debbie Stuart
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I was recently talking to a friend whose four adult children are all committed followers of the Lord Jesus. We shared some of the principles of parenting, and then she shared with me this article, written by her 17 year old daughter about 10 years ago. Debbie (the author) has spent the past five years in PNG as a missionary with Wycliffe, as did her mother, grandmother and great grandmother. Here is what she wrote when she was a teenager, on what is important in Christian parenting. Janene Lewers
R
aising Christian children who will follow God is more than just telling them about Him and sending them to Christian schools, camps, and Sunday School. If they are to be imitators of Christ, then for children of Christian parents, this means also imitating their parents.
Raising Christian teenagers involves everything a parent does. This starts when the child is small. Teach them self-control, obedience, and values when they are learning about their world and dependent on their parents. When they are older they will have learnt what their parents want and why, and will have learnt to control their own behaviour. Resistance is greatest at the point where force is most acutely felt. (Foucault) Small children accept and need control and discipline. Teenagers on the brink of independence will resist control. If your children are already teenagers, it’s never too late. Start from where you and your children are, and work on what you have.
Spend time with your children. There is no such thing as
planned quality time – quality time only comes spontaneously in the middle of lots of time. Enjoy the time spent with your children – they will know if it’s a chore for you or if you value the times you have, and their self esteem will fade or flourish accordingly. Do fun things, without regard to what others (ie., school principals, neighbours, family)
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will think. Ask your children what they like doing.
Value your children’s opinions. Ask what they think,
LISTEN to what they say and when you can, do it their way. Don’t let little things get in the way of the real issues.
Trust your children. Give them
responsibility for their own actions. They will make mistakes – don’t try to excuse them, let them take the consequences of their mistakes. But don’t condemn, nag, or put them down for their mistakes. Do help them to learn from it, be there for them, support them, and be sure they know that you love them. Where rules are needed for safety reasons, work them out together so both of you know why the rule is needed and how it can work so that you are both happy with it. They need to know you are concerned for their safety in terms of what others may do to them, i.e. drunk drivers, strangers, or ‘friends’ at a party. The locality is often ‘neutral’.
Let your children know where you stand on an issue. This could be done by telling
or by example, ideally by both. Once children start becoming independent teenagers, force is not going to be very effective. Use persuasion and information of the consequences of the wrong choice and let them go. They have to make their decisions and take their consequences if they are not going to accept advice. But again, be there for them, and love them whatever they choose.
When they do the right thing, or do well at
anything, be proud of them. Boast about your children,
tell everyone! Your children will be embarrassed, but they will know that you think they are great, appreciate their efforts, and take notice of what they do.
Discuss important family matters with them. They are
part of your family unit so talk about moves, financial problems, holidays, relationship problems with others etc You can do this from an early age – just be sure that what gets discussed stays at home.
Most importantly, if you want your children to be Christians and follow God, you must! Your faith needs to be
real, with a real desire to know and follow God. You don’t have to be perfect, just be genuine in your walk with Jesus and genuine in your efforts to do your best and learn from mistakes. Live for Jesus and be aware of His presence in your lives and pray to Him in all situations.
Don’t be a Sunday-only Christian. Remember, it is your
example your children will follow, not your words. They
will know if you really know Jesus and are living for Him. If it’s real for you, then it must be real and something they will take notice of.
http://growingfaith.com.au/parenting/ raising-christian-teenagers
Resistance is greatest at the point where force is most acutely felt (Foucault)
nurture March 2014 17
The name “Rehoboth” is found in Genesis 26, where God renews the covenant He had made with Abraham with his son Isaac. It speaks about the way in which the Lord provided space for Isaac and the provision He made for that covenant to be fulfilled. Our motto, SOLI DEO GLORIA (For the glory of God alone), reminds us of our purpose – to glorify Him.
Quick Facts
First parent-controlled Christian school in WA Established in 1966
Two campuses in Perth suburbs of Wilson and Kenwick Approx 570 students from K-12
Building on the Rock Principles for Change
Rehoboth Christian College has always had a strong sense of self and purpose as a “covenant community,” but recent challenges – and opportunities – have caused us to reevaluate what that identity means and how it impacts the work of providing Christian education. 18 nurture March 2014
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R
ehoboth Christian College is located in the growing suburbs of Perth. We have a diverse mix of cultures, families, church affiliations, and life experiences, some of which are far removed from the Reformed outlook on which the College was founded. This is a particular challenge for us, as it means accepting that some of the ways we’ve communicated with families in the past might not be the most effective going into the future.
Prayer Points
Thanks to God for His bountiful provision, the blessing of being able to expand our facilities and the wisdom and patience to properly manage these projects.
For the guidance needed to build a strong, Godhonouring community where families feel welcomed and encouraged. For the Holy Spirit to work in the hearts of our students and staff.
Rethinking this means engaging with the needs and wants of our families without compromising our vision of a distinctly Christian education. What we offer should therefore be about more than just smoothing out the unsavoury edges of a secular curriculum, so we looked closely at what we were doing and asked, where can we improve? Are there opportunities for us to move into new areas? And how can we offer something unique and relevant to Christian parents? This process hasn’t always been pleasant, but doing our best to keep Christ at the centre has enabled us to discuss the challenges and opportunities in love and humility. As a result, a number of focus areas have been identified and change is upon us. We are steadily working on major building projects at our Wilson and Kenwick campuses, expanding our ICT program and building a stronger community. Refocusing on community has been the secret ingredient that brings everything together.
We are rediscovering the value and rewards that a strong sense of community brings. Fortunately, many of our founding families continue to play an active part in our community. With the influx of new families who are not connected to our founders, we have steadily worked together in changing the dynamic of our community in exciting ways. The bridge between old and new enriches the College immensely. We’re cultivating a fresh identity for the College based on three core principles: Purpose, Partnership and Preparation. These aren’t new ideas for us; in fact, they take us back to our foundational principles, where Jesus Christ is at the heart of everything we do, instilling in us His purpose; where a Christian education means a three-way partnership between church, home, and school; and where a whole-child philosophy is applied to prepare students for life. Our vision is to be a growing College with a strong reputation for producing Christ-like graduates – people of outstanding character and citizenship, who know what it means to participate in a community and are prepared to be different in an indifferent world. For us, this is what a distinctly Christian education looks like and what we’re working towards at Rehoboth Christian College – for the glory of God alone. Scan the QR code or vist www.rehoboth. wa.edu.au to find out more
We would love to hear from your school. Email nurture@cen.edu.au to find out how you can contribute.
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nurture March 2014 19
Parenting expect the unexpected
By Rachel Moore
One of my favourite movies, and also a great form of therapy, is Parenthood starring Steve Martin and Mary Steenburgen. Steve Martin’s character struggles with how his three kids often don’t behave in ways he’d like or expect. In one of the final scenes when his children cause chaos at a school play, he becomes more and more stressed. The camera movements simulate a roller coaster ride. I’m sure most of us parents would agree that, even from pregnancy, parenting is full of unexpected ups and downs. I am writing here from the point of view of a parent with two boys with a mixed bag of behavioural and learning issues, but a lot of what I want to share may strike a chord with parents going through tough times of another nature.
I
was at first surprised by the intensity of grief that I felt on the initial hints by teachers and carers that there was something not quite right with the behaviour and learning of my boys. With one of my sons, we already had strong suspicions that there were emerging problems, but when his preschool teacher told us things she had observed that we hadn’t seen at all, we were shocked. A vague diagnosis came through after testing and there was a new grief. Shock was replaced by helplessness. We didn’t know where to go for help or which of the many therapies on offer to start with. After several years of floundering, we found the best way forward was to get recommendations from friends and head straight to the professionals they found helpful. Gradually we gathered a team of experts around us who we trusted and whose approaches were similar: a GP, a paediatrician, a psychologist, an occupational therapist, 20 nurture March 2014
and a chiropractor. If it takes a village to raise a child, in our case, that village includes our fantastic team. With our children’s teachers at the coal face taking up the recommendations of our medical team and our loving church family, we felt much more equipped to take on each challenge as it came. However, I still found myself falling in a heap whenever an issue arose. It could be a playground incident or an ongoing seemingly unsolvable issue, like tying shoelaces with no signs of improvement. I did not expect to revisit grief. This reactive depression is a pattern that I am well aware of now. I know my grief cycle. Incident - grief - helplessness - pray with groans and tears - seek advice –practical steps to try - move ahead. I know the rhythm of this dance now; one or two steps back then one or two steps forward. A parents’ cha cha. One thing I know to look out for is whether I am spiralling down with my cha cha; whether I am falling on
the floor in a heap. I tend to isolate myself at times like this. I stand away from the other mums at pick up time, not wanting to engage in chat about our kids because I feel all the news I have to share is bad. I also find myself wrongly thinking that we are the only family with problems, or even that other kids and parents don’t want to associate with us. When I can identify this happening, I know it is time to call in my own medical team - my GP, a counsellor, my hairdresser, my mum and my friends. Time to put things in perspective, have a cup of tea and to get a deep scalp massage is just what I need to get back on track. I deeply appreciate the invitations for the boys to play dates and birthday parties and for me, cups of coffee with other mums at times like these. Being included in ‘life’ helps us to feel ‘normal’. Another coping strategy that we deliberately employ I call ‘manufacturing happiness’. When most of life seems like a hard uphill www.cen.edu.au
the picture of God’s coming rescuer in Isaiah 42:3. A bruised reed he will not break, and a smouldering wick he will not snuff out. Jesus’ love is tender and nurturing. When hope is almost gone, He binds and rekindles. I love this reminder of His gentleness towards my broken heart and the promise of His kindness to my children when they feel at their lowest. The idea of God as our heavenly Father, our heavenly Parent, has also been very encouraging. He is not only there for my children when I am not with them or when I fail them, but He is also my parent; the Parent of parents. Reading through James, I was inspired to see the challenge of parenting our kids from a different point of view. If God doesn’t give us more than we can bear, and if He plans the path of
I feel complete assurance knowing that when they fully commit themselves to Jesus, He will never give up on them and one day they will be recreated with new bodies and minds. Along the way, we have been so blessed with Christian teachers partnering with us in the academic and social education of our boys. It is wonderful when teachers view us parents as part of the solution, not part of the problem. It is great when teachers show interest and acknowledgment for all the behind the scenes work we are doing at home and with therapists and talk to us as experts on our children. Comments such as “I want to make this camp work for your son…” and “I will be the safe person your son can come to when he’s feeling out of control”
My Heavenly Parent has planned the route and is in behind the controls.
pull and we feel like we have forgotten to have fun, we will set about to make something fun happen. Big and extravagant birthday parties for the boys have been a favourite way to do this. More recently we blew our bathroom renovation savings on a trip to New Zealand, a sensory adventure full of new sights, sounds and smells. I must admit that at first I avoided turning to the Bible for help. Feeling so challenged in my family life, I didn’t want to turn to God’s word and be deeply challenged about my heart attitude. I still prayed; often those wordless prayers of grief. I still loved Jesus. I even had a sense of the peace that passes all understanding. I guess I didn’t really believe that God could speak to me directly about my situation and give me a way forward. Gradually and gently God’s words have broken through my well-guarded armour. Questions of “why is this happening to me?” turned into “how can I live with this?”. I was reminded of www.cen.edu.au
our lives so that through persevering, we grow, then maybe this parenting roller coaster I am on is about building character in me. Maybe I can learn some things about giving up control, being flexible, learning patience. I know that I have a long way to go, but I can also see how this journey has opened my eyes to the needs of children in my classroom and to the struggles of other parents. Perhaps too, our children have been given to us because God knows, equipped with all His gracious help, that we can do this! What a vote of confidence from God! My children will also be building character too. With more than the average share of trials and struggles, and with lots of things not coming easily, they have more practice in learning resilience. The main thing is my children’s relationship with God and their acceptance of Jesus’ saving and shepherding presence in their lives. Jesus said “All those the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away”. John 6:37 In amongst the shoelace tying, the pencil holding practise, the playground scuffles, the meltdowns, the medications and the appointments, it’s easy to lose sight of this most important part of my kids’ growing up.
and “I want to go on this journey with you” have lifted me up beyond words. These assurances and the loving actions that have accompanied them have been the some of the highest points in the roller coaster ride. In Parenthood, as Martin’s character is riding the roller coaster during the chaos of the school play, he realises not everyone else is as stressed as he is about his kids. Like his wife, he starts to enjoy the ride; taking the ups and downs as part of the territory of parenthood. The reality is there are going to be unexpected twists and turns in my family life. I won’t like enjoy all the feelings involved; going up and down over the same territory or the unexpected sudden drops. I will not feel that the ride is futile though. My Heavenly Parent has planned the route and is in behind the controls. The joy of the Lord, that deep down certainty that he has checked every bolt of the track and has planned the finish, will be my strength. Rachel Moore lives in the beautiful Blue Mountains, New South Wales with her husband and sons. She works at Nepean Christian School as the visual arts (7-12) and French teacher. Do you have a story to share? Email nurture@cen.edu.au nurture March 2014 21
Z Y R S E Q L E B C P R E P V W P E J D H N V W C Y L K A Z L B H Q I B I O D G N I S S E D C T P R C E L R F S M T P X R J O Y B C C C U E U H A N N K T R U S T E O U M T R A A U A M B B I V Q U H K E H B R X G R A N D M A S R N V S G M E G W E H P E N I T E U N O U D S R A E L X K N X H T O X U A D O A Y E W J H Q Z R S N J D I W N N R I R C K G I C I E F S A D E D Y C G G Z L U V S Z W K Q N M P D X F E W K P M Q Y Q R M E P A A T N S L M X H
FAMILY FIND A WORD
Search for words related to family. Search horizontally, vertically and diagonally. Put your skills to the test and see how many you can find. AUNT
LOVE
BLESSING
MUM
BRIDE
NEPHEW
BROTHER
NIECE
COUSIN
PARENT
DAD
SHARE
DAUGHTER
SISTER
GRANDMA
SON
GRANDPA
TRUST
GROOM
UNCLE
HUSBAND
WIFE
JOY puzzlemaker.discoveryeducation.com
Who is Katy Perry? • 29 years old
• Her full name is Katheryn Elizabeth Hudson • In 2001, she was a gospel singer with the name Katy Hudson • She returned to the pop music scene with the name Katy Perry • Both parents are pastors • Katy Perry loves cats – her cat’s name is Kitty Purry • Has the word ‘Jesus’ tattooed on her wrist • In 2011, Katy made her film debut as Smurfette in the Smurfs
22 nurture March 2014
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POEM
I am… Lauren Diprose, Year 10 Torrens Valley Christian School
I am a teenager. I am all the things of my past. I am the love and care shown in my mother’s eyes. I am the knowledge and wisdom of my father. I am all I see… All the colours of the rainbow whirled into one. Cake rising in a red, hot oven. Friends comforting each other in tough times. I am all I hear… The sharp scratch of the pencil as it scribbles uncontrollably. The repetitive ticking of the timer; the cake is complete. Contagious laughter of friends sharing a joke. I am all I feel… Imagination running wild, so many different ideas. Intense heat engulfing me as the oven door is opened. The close, yet distant pain of a friend in need. I am all I taste… Creative juices flowing, ideas on the tip of my tongue. Sugary sweet icing on a freshly baked cake. Three cups of kindness making a friendship complete. I am all I remember… Learning to write my name in preschool, gripping a pencil for the first time. The first cake baked on my own, licking the spoon clean. The warmth of a friend’s hug when feeling down. I am all I have been taught… Believe in your own capabilities. The key ingredient is love. The only way to have friends is to be one. I am all I think… What could I add to this? How could I be of help to this person? What would Jesus do in this situation? I am like a manual, giving advice and reassurance to those in need. But I will keep doing the things that I enjoy and remember who comes first. Because, I am an influence of the future.
Do you have a poem to share? Email nurture@cen.edu.au
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nurture March 2014 23
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