‘Not a Number’

Foster parent Curtis Stuckey reflects on decades of sharing his home with kids who have nowhere else to go

BY Anne Davis

agency that I work for offers as much support as they can … Funding is an issue. Foster parenting should be a profession … I got a kid who just refused to go to school today, so I’m stuck here, because he won’t go, and I don’t trust what he’s going to do (at home alone) ... So, you have all those challenges for people who work that want to help, but you’re going to lose money, and possibly lose your job ...

I’ve had a lot of kids on probation, and the way it’s structured — I’m just going to say I don’t think it’s effective. Because we assign all these conditions to your probation: You must attend school, you can’t use drugs or alcohol, you need to follow the rules, or you need to do all the work in your program. (If) you’re doing none of these things, you stay here. These kids are going to gradually get worse and keep doing more. But it’s just not going to be them; they’re going to recruit others. So, one bad apple can ruin two or three or four more.

How would you start to address these problems?

There’s a lot of deterrence to make (a child) not want to do what needs to be fixed. We need better support from police and probation, we need more funding, you need the right people. And the right people have to be exposed to everything. Training can’t be sugarcoated.

(As a foster parent) you’re expected to be a superhero, but then when you fall short, you’re treated like a villain, when you may not have felt like you had everything you needed to be successful in the first place.

How has your community reacted to you fostering these kids?

The community, like our neighbors, they’re part of the problem also. And I’m not going to say it’s their fault, because they get exposed to a lot of profanity, a lot of horrible behavior, kids trying to smoke and fight and do horrible things. But they’re not educated either. These kids did not come from jail; they came from a shelter … These neighbors around me do not speak to me — none of them. Nobody says, “Good morning, how are you doing?” Nothing. And I get it, I understand it, but I don’t like it. Because I feel like that’s how the world treats us … Most people don’t want these kids around them.

Have you seen any changes in the kids you’ve fostered after opening your home to them?

You will see the change, but it’s minimal. You have to look hard for the positivity … We have our moments where everything’s good. Those are the days that reinforce what you’re doing … I know that they hear me, and I know I’m making a difference. But if I was so busy being upset, or disappointed, or frustrated, I would never see it. Every day we’re here together is a success, and some days that’s the best we’re going to get. That’s another day they didn’t leave in an ambulance or police car to go to the emergency room for injury or hospitalization or go back to Child Haven.

But experiences have taught me that I’m not going to see (the change) right now. I’m going to get a text, I’m going to get a call in five or ten years: “Man, thank you so much!”

What do you want people to know about fostering in Southern Nevada?

The biggest part is, these kids that’ve been here for so long … I’ve gotten kids that have been in Child Haven — little kids 9, 10, 11 — you would think on paper, they’d be the first ones to go. They should be. But some of them have been in 25, 30 placements already.

And the longer you’re in foster care, (the more) you’re going to learn things, you’re going to get exposed to things, and you’re going to be affected by it. Foster care is … supposed to be short term — three months, six months, maximum like a year … I’ve gotten kids that are 11, and they’ve been in the system since they were five.

I would like for more people to get involved and make a commitment to help these kids, because it’s the people that make the difference, at the end of the day … These kids are just not a number, they have value. ✦