Mark asks…
Whats a really funny joke? Try to impress me!
admin answers: Here are a couple I like. Hope you do too. The world needs more little girls like this. This is such a beautiful story. A Christmas Card Little Melissa comes home from 1st grade & tells her father that they learned about the history of Christmas. “Since Christmas Day is to celebrate Jesus’ birth, and we’re Jewish, she asks, will God get mad at me for giving someone a Christmas card?” Melissa’s father thinks a bit, then says: “No, I don’t think God would get mad. Whom do you want to give a Christmas card to?” “Osama bin Laden,” she says. “Why Osama bin Laden?” her father asks in shock. “Well, she says, I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a Christmas card, he might start to think that maybe we’re not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit.” “And if other kids saw what I did and sent Christmas cards to Osama, he’d love everyone a lot. And then he’d start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them, and how he didn’t hate anyone anymore.” Her father’s heart swells and he looks at his daughter with new found pride. “Melissa, that’s the most wonderful thing I have ever heard!” “I know, Melissa says, and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could blow the bastard's head off!” 2010 statistics on Airport screening from the Department of Homeland Security
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Terrorist Plots Discovered........0.. Transvestites...............133.. Hernias....................1,485... Hemorrhoid Cases....3,172.. Enlarged Prostates...8,249.. Breast Implants.......59,350.. Natural Blondes..............3.. . Have a safe and great New Year. .
William asks‌
FUNNY jokes? TELL ME NOW!
admin answers: --------------------------------------... What do you get if a Parakeet is run over by a lawnmower??? Shredded Tweet --------------------------------------... There was a midget cowboy down in Texas whose testicles ached almost all the time. The midget went to the doctor and told him what the problem was. The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look. The midget dropped his pants. The doctor stood him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him. The doc put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough, usual method to
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check for a hernia. "Aha!" mumbled the doc and putting his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again. "Aha!" said the doctor and reached for his surgical scissors. Snip, snip, snip, snip on the right side then snip, snip, snip,snip,snip, snip, snip on the left side. The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt. The doctor then told the midget to get dressed and see if they still ached. The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around the doc's office and discovered his testicles were no longer aching. The midget replied, "Perfect Doc, and I didn't even feel it... What did you do?" The Doctor replied, " I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots" --------------------------------------... Why did the Chicken cross the road?? To spit on the grave of Coronel Sanders to burn down Chick -fil-a to bribe the Chick-fil-a cows to end the even older jokes "Why did the stego cross the road" and "Why did Adam eat the fruit? To doom all mankind for 6000+ years" to outdo the antics of the great daredaevil "Evil Bo Wevil" to give the Roadkill Cafe something to sell to make the chickens in the Cagle's Trucks feel better about their lives to give the Sanitation Department something to talk about to be liked by the Cool Chickens --------------------------------------... Did you here about the midget fortune teller that escaped from prison?? The newspaper ran a story. It read "Small Medium at Large". Don't worry though. She was hit by a car. Her last words were never saw it coming. --------------------------------------... One easter day a farm's Rooster was strutting around when he saw several multi colored eggs. He immediately ran over and beatup the local Peacock. --------------------------------------... A man was sitting in the second floor of a bar one day when the guy next to him says "Hi, my name's Nick, you new here??" "Yes" responded the gentleman. "OK, say have you heard about the wind in these parts?" "No Nick, Why??" "Well it's amazing, Here I'll show you, I will jump out
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the window, the wind will spin me around 3 times and then push me back in" The newcomer figured the man was just drunk. He nearly peed himself when Nick jumpout the window, was spun around 3 times, and pushed back in. The shocked newcomer was so excited he jumped up and quickly hopped out the window and----SPLAT!! Nick proceeded to go order a draft from the bartender. As the bartender handed over the beer he looked at Nick and said"Ya know, You're mean when you're drunk Superman" --------------------------------------... A blonde walks in to the local Mega Lo Mart, picks out her item goes up to the clerk and politely says "Hi, I'd like to buy this TV" The clerk looked at her and politely responded"Sorry Ma'am, We don't sell to blondes" Undaunted she went home, and the next morning put on an Aubern wig, went back to Mega Lo Mart, grabbed the exact same unit went up to the clerk and as politely as possible said"Hi, I'd like to buy this TV". The clerk looked at her and once again said "Sorry Ma'am, we do not sell to blondes" This continued every morning for a week or so when finally she came back in a full disguise dressed as a man. After going through the same routine, she let out an angry scream when once again the clerk replied "Sorry Ma'am we don't sell to blondes". At her wits end she asked "How did you know it was me??" The clerk looked at her politely and replied "Ma'am you're holding a Microwave" --------------------------------------... A man car breaks down near a farm. The man goes up to the farmer asks to borrow a phone. The farmer replies "Sure" and calls out for his Pet Pig. Up comes a pot bellie pig with 3 peglegs. It hands the phone to the guy with the breakdown. "Wow, some pig" The farmer responded "You bet he is, This pig can count, make martinis, even solve mathematic formulas" "Wow, that is amazing. So why does he only have one leg??" "You foolish city boys don't know anything, A pig this special, you can't eat him all at once" --------------------------------------... How does a spoiled rich girl change a light bulb?? Daddy I need a new apartment --------------------------------------... Some of these were mine some I borrowed.
George asks‌
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Joke: Midget Surgery (star if you like it)? There was a midget down in Texas who complained to his buddy that his testicles ached almost all the time. As he was always complaining about his problem, his friend finally suggested that he go to a doctor to see what could be done to relieve the problem. The midget took his advice and went to the doctor and told him what the problem was. The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look. The midget dropped his pants. The doctor put him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him. The doc put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough-the usual method to check for a hernia. "Aha!" the doc and putting his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again. "Aha!" said the doctor and reached for his surgical scissors. Snip, snip, snip, snip on the right side then snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip on the left side. The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt. The doctor then told the midget to get dressed and see if they still ached. The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around the doc's office and discovered his testicles were no longer aching. "Gee, what did you do, Doc?" he asked. The doc replied, "I cut two inches off the tops of your cowboy boots."
admin answers: Hahaha That's funny. Did you write it?
Chris asks‌
Remember the last time you laughed so hard that you drooled.....?
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What was so funny?
admin answers: I didn't drool but I about got a hernia. I told a friend a funny joke and he just went on laughing and laughing (I think he drooled) and then when he finally stopped he say, "I don't get it." lost it for like 15 minutes.
Steven asks‌
Blonde joke? Is this THE BEST JOKE EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR? Have you heard of a blondie applying to a medical school to become a doctor? Needless to say she never made it. You know why? These are the answers she wrote in her entrance exam. Antibody - against everyone Artery - The study of the paintings. Bacteria - back door to a cafeteria. Caesarean section - a district in Rome. Cardiology - advance study of poker playing. Cat scan - searching for lost kitty. Chronic - neck of a crow. Coma - punctuation mark. Cortisone - area around local court. Cyst - short for sister. Diagnosis - person with slanted nose.
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Dilate - the late British Princess Diana. Dislocation - in this place. Duodenum - couple in blue jeans. Enema - not a friend. Fake labour - pretending to work. Genes - blue denim. Hernia - she is close by. Impotent - distinguished/well known. Labour pain - hurt at work. Lactose - people without toes. Lymph - walk unsteadily. Microbes - small dressing gown. Obesity - city of Obe. Pacemaker - winner of Nobel peace prize. Proteins - in favor of teens. Pulse - grain. Pus - small cat. Red blood count - Dracula. Secretion - hiding anything. Tablet - small table. Ultrasound - radical noise.
admin answers: I think that is too smart for a blonde but still that was funny
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