STONEY BALONEY

by Mike Ricker

BATTLING GRAVITY

The actress Bette Davis once said that getting old is not for the faint of heart. And the reason for this assessment of absolute accuracy is because after managing your life over the Earth’s crust for enough seasons, the force of attraction by which terrestrial bodies tend to fall toward the center of the Earth begins to have an effect on your physicality.

That’s what gravity is.

But don’t be mad.

You see, it is this pull of weight that has afforded us a body at all. Unless you believe we were put here by a superhuman being or spirit, worshiped as having power over nature or human fortunes.

Thank God for the dictionary.

Wait, my bad, he didn’t create that - a man named Robert Cawdrey did in the year 1604. Or did God create it through him? Hold on, shouldn’t God be referred to with gender neutrality now?

Anyway, back to gravity. Our energy attracts the matter that forms muscle, bone, etc. And with the pressure of gravity, your substance grows. And if you are not working the muscle, what occurs is atrophy, eventually resulting in immobility and death. So, it is this force of gravity that has allowed all organisms on Earth to develop and proliferate.

If you don’t use it, you lose it.

Recently, I went a week without walking due to being bedridden as a result of an injury and with the first attempt, it was clear my muscles had begun the physiological process of atrophy. Now, taking steps along a firm sidewalk was like navigating a massive trampoline surface. Or like a cat walking in booties.

Thankfully, Cannabis gets you lifted.

SOUR SLURRICANE #1

HARAMBE