STONEY BALONEY

by Mike Ricker

Like sand through a sifter, there are some items in life that have an uncanny way of eluding your possession. And it seems that no matter how much attention is directed toward keeping these elusive apparatuses secure, they somehow have a way of playing hide and seek. Like that extra sock that is secretly abducted by the clothes dryer, your sunglasses that seem to want to live anywhere but on the bridge of your nose, and of course, your remote control.

It's as if there's a mysterious trickster living between the cushions of your couch, playing a game of hide and seek you didn't sign up for with one of your most essential household items.

One of life’s great perplexities.

I mean, they can find the Titanic 400 miles away from land and 13,000 feet below the surface of the swirling ice waters of the North Atlantic Ocean, and they can return photographs from robotic space probes that have ventured to the end of the galaxy and beyond, but for some reason they can’t install a stoner button on my beloved channel changer. Like, shouldn’t there be something on the television that sends a signal to the remote, which then beeps like a friendly R2D2 who is happy to hang out?

Consider this a call to arms!

So, here’s the good news: At least you sometimes find a stray nug each time there’s a search.

And as far as solving the mystery of the lost sock, I think the Loch Ness Monster ate it.