Diamonds in the Rough
Writing from the 1Women at WPA
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Diamonds in the Rough Writing from the Women at WPA Winter 2011
NY Writers Coalition Press 3
Copyright Š 2011 NY Writers Coalition Inc. Upon publication, copyright to individual works returns to the authors. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED Editor: Erin Ehsani Layout: Deborah Clearman Diamonds in the Rough contains writing by the members of a creative writing workshop for women in the Rikers Island Discharge Enhancement (RIDE) Program at WPA, conducted by NY Writers Coalition Inc. NY Writers Coalition thanks the following supporters, without whom this writing workshop and anthology would not exist: Brooklyn Community Foundation, Kalliopeia Foundation, Two West Foundation, the WellMet Group, the NYC Department of Cultural Affairs, and all our individual donors and attendees of our annual Write-A-Thon. NY Writers Coalition Inc. is a not-for-profit organization that provides free creative writing workshops throughout New York City for people from groups that have been historically deprived of voice in our society. For more information about NY Writers Coalition Inc.: NY Writers Coalition Inc. 80 Hanson Place #603 Brooklyn, NY 11217 (718) 398-2883 info@nywriterscoalition.org www.nywriterscoalition.org
WPA (Women’s Prison Association) is a service and advocacy organization committed to helping women with criminal justice histories realize new possibilities for themselves and their families. WPA 175 Remsen Street, 9th Floor Brooklyn, NY 11201 www.wpaonline.org
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INTRODUCTION It is autumn in New York and fiery maples light up the avenues from Manhattan to Brooklyn. At the Women’s Prison Association in Downtown Brooklyn, we are seated in a circle of chairs making a list of things that change. Leaves top the lists, but the women find other things that change: love, bodies, the heart. One woman notes that “change is the only thing you can count on.” I lead a weekly writing workshop at WPA, a program for formerly incarcerated women. We are here as a testament to transition. Each week we write together and we let the words transform us into Writers. We read together and we become women with a voice. It is a place where, as one member described, “we don’t bring judgment.” The group chose the name “Diamonds in the Rough” for this chapbook. The name diamond comes from the Greek word adamas and means unbreakable, which describes the spirit of this group. It is only under high pressure that those luminous gemstones can form. This workshop would not have been possible without the passion and enthusiasm of Starr Ferrer, who reached out to NYWC to bring this program into WPA. Starr is a 6
tireless advocate for her group who inspires by example. I am very grateful for her leadership and support each week as a co-facilitator. Deborah Clearman of the NYWC was instrumental in coordinating this workshop and has been on hand to offer her support. Thanks to NY Writers Coalition for recognizing that everyone has a voice and for working hard to make sure those voices get heard. And finally, my deepest gratitude to my fellow “Diamonds in the Rough,� who each week remind me of the ways in which we shine. Erin Ehsani, Workshop Leader January, 2011
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KNOCK OUT BILLY THE KID When you give into your addiction, whatever it may be, it becomes your only true love. It can be the reason you start to do things you never thought (or imagined) you’d do for it. Some things even too horrific to put a name to it. There could be so many reasons why you give into it. Some easily give in, maybe they don’t know how to fight it. Some want to get out of all the crap, but too scared. Some think that’s the only way of life, because they’re used to society’s hate of them. Society makes things a whole lot harder, which makes it unbearable for some to live in the outside world. It’s kind of like a boxing match; some knock it out, others get knocked out. After some time passes, you can get up. Some are strong and lucky enough to get up and go on in a positive way, while others get right back in the ring and get knocked out again and again. It’s a lot easier to lay down and stay there than to get up and fight. I was that person getting knocked out, over and over (again and again). Then there was that one day I decided to fight my way out of that ring. I thank God, I’ve been standing ever since. To all in that ring, here’s hoping you win that fight!
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THINGS I’M GRATEFUL FOR CRYSTAL LEMON 1. God’s blessings of watching over me. Waking me up daily. 2. Me doing positive things with myself and the people who appreciate them. Staying out of jail. 3. My wonderful children and the most of other family members who are seeing me for me. 4. Being able to take money out of the bank to buy nice things and traveling places as my parents used to do for me. One day I’ll be able to do it for my grandchildren and/or children if need be. 5. For having a room to call my home and no longer staying in the streets, crack dens, cars, shelters or any place I didn’t have a key to. 6. Being able to give my children a present of my presence as well as a few dollars today and not buy drugs. 7. Being able to give myself stability, keeping my health up. 8. Feeling my daughter kiss and hug for a very long time and my mother complimenting me.
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WHERE I’M FROM CRYSTAL LEMON New York New York The city that never sleeps, with worn down streets Brooklynite, stealing every and anything. The Bronx Killing after Killing and Queens always sneaking around the streets. Staten Island trying to hide all they’re doing. But most of all it’s the city that never sleeps. A place that if you can make it here you can make it anywhere. With all the homelessness and unemployment with hungry people and nowhere to go. The tourists like this place and walk with fear. The city that never sleeps with the problems of the world one can’t beat. A beautiful place with marvelous people a place I’ll call home no matter its people.
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HIGH + DRY DAPHNEY POLODORE There was a guy in disillusion His life was filled with hopelessness and confusion. He took a trip no turning back Somewhere somehow he went off track How did he get so far away From all the things lost yesterday How do we sacrifice tomorrow For a day filled with pain and sorrow Why would anyone want to feel this way, high-n-dry and stranded today
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ANGRY EVELYN RAMOS I am so angry that at my age 54 I go to jail I did four months but it felt like four years angry at myself for being nice and angry at myself for being weak, but I am grateful that I woke up now I go to groups and I’m not no fool.
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FEELINGS GWENDOLYN SELLERS Every day of my life all I ever did was fight. I fought myself, the society, people wearing uniforms, people who I thought that think that they were better than me. I fought so much that before I knew it, my life wasn’t a life at all. I became the very being that I said that I would never be. People in my world was only good to me for my sole purpose as pawns and if you couldn’t be used for one reason or another you had no place in my world. I had no feeling for anyone not even for me. Feeling was the last thing that felt my body, hate was the thing that I held on to deeply. Before I knew it I had a new love that kept me from feeling anything for anybody and that was drugs and alcohol and the life of a unstable and uncontrollable stupid women who gave up on life. Now after life has almost passed me by I finally found the heart to feel and welcome the ideal of feeling more feeling to come, good or bad I welcome them. I realize today it’s okay to feel things because it’s a normal thing it’s a part of life. It’s just how you handle the feelings that you feel that matter. Everyday its not a bed or roses, you will run into problem in life, but take it from me, where I’m at now is a whole lot better than the life I was living because that life I had no feeling at all and it was a lonely, lonely feeling that I felt doing it and living. No matter what it’s okay to feel. That’s what keeps us alive. 14
HOW DID I DO IT SANDRA SMITH Prayed Stayed focus Made plans Kept my appointments Didn’t give up Showed up in order to grow up Expressed my feelings good or bad And asked for help Along with the help of my counselor Starr and my husband Karl by my side. No it wasn’t easy but it was worth it. And I know I still have a long road ahead of me. But just for today I know I have choices and I don’t have to use drugs nor go back to jail. Today I’m free, mind, body, and soul and loving it. So allow me this time to thank everyone from WPA because you helped me more than you will ever know.
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BECOME YOURSELF STARR FERRER Through all the pain, lies, deceit and hurt Through the breakdowns after breakthroughs Through the addictions, institutions, and even prostitution become Yourself. Your Inner Self, Your Outer Self, Your True Self become Yourself. Be patient, Be kind, Be nurturing and loving to yourself ‘cause no one can hurt you more than you. No one knows You better than you No one can care for you or love you Better than You Sensitive Eager Loving Free Become Your Self
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WE ARE NOT OUR PAST STARR FERRER Behind these walls they say pain is constant and abounding. Yet when I travel these hopeless paths, I witness love surrounding. Though there is a loneliness that comes from being here, There is as well togetherness from sharing loss and fear. A sisterhood of hopes and dreams, together we light the way, Let us not be stagnated by what others think and say. I see each day a smile, a tear, that shows we’ve yet a lot of feeling. And in this, a strong belief, there is a process to our healing. Women who are the end product of all the aspects of a world gone mad. Judged by those that know us not and believe we’re all so bad. It is what I see in all of us that drives me towards each day. I know without a single doubt we’re all needed in our own special way. So when you see a traveler on a road going nowhere fast, Let her know you’ve been there too and we are not our past.
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Billy the Kid Crystal Lemon Daphney Polodore Evelyn Ramos Gwendolyn Sellers Sandra Smith Starr Ferrer
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