Mandates and Manners A conversation with John Bridges on how to behave during the COVID crisis

Joan Brasher

In the South, we are congenial folk, quick to offer a hug, a glass of sweet tea, and an inquiry about one’s mother. Our porches are open to passersby and we are always ready to add another plate to the dinner table.

But now, masks are mandated and social distancing is our new reality. Clearly, the rules of engagement have changed. Are social niceties dead? Is professional attire a thing of the past? Are relationships on hold indefinitely?

John Bridges, author of several popular etiquette books, including, How to be a Gentleman: A Timely Guide to Timeless Manners, says coping with COVID-19 is less about rules and political correctness than behaving civilly, having a bit of common sense, and staying the course.

What should you do when you are wearing a mask in public, but someone else isn’t?

I just think you get out of their way. You get away from them. What else can you do? Some people think you should confront them, but why would you do that? That just forces a confrontation. No, you don’t want to do that. Just behave yourself. Behave yourself!

What if i’m invited to go out to dinner, and I just don’t feel comfortable?

If you’re invited to something and you don’t feel comfortable going, I think you certainly have the reason or excuse that you are concerned about your health. I was invited to a dinner party a couple of weeks ago by some dear friends, and I had to say, “I love you, but no, I can’t.” And they weren’t insulted.

What are the rules for dating during a pandemic?

I think it’s dangerous dating online, looking for somebody. If you are trolling then maybe trolls are what you’ll get. And if you are going to set up a date with them, how much of a date is that going to be? I suppose you can set up a video date, but what’s the point of it? Unless, of course, well, we don’t need to get into what might be going on off-screen!

What about attire for a Zoom meeting? Do I need to dress up?

You see a lot of people in T-shirts, people who haven’t had a haircut, men who haven’t shaved, that kind of stuff. There’s no reason you shouldn’t dress up a little bit. At least dress neatly. Maybe cleanup the clutter in the room. It makes you feel better when you dress up a little bit. Today, this seersucker suit I’m wearing, I haven’t had it on in five months. Summer’s passing and I want to wear it. It makes me feel better.

There are so many people out there who deserve our thanks, especially frontline workers. What’s the best way to show appreciation?

If you want to give money to fundraisers or put signs in your yard, that’s good too, but I think the only way you can guarantee people are going to know you appreciate them is to tell them yourself. Putting things on social media is fine but really it can make you look like you are trying to pat yourself on the back and the frontline worker may never see it. Person to person is best.

Should we be tipping more during the pandemic, like when you get carryout?

I probably am tipping pretty heavily these days because I go out one day a week to a restaurant and buy all my entrees for the next week. So I feel like it’s the right thing to tip pretty well on that. I don’t get food delivered, but if you order a pizza or some other meal delivered, I would say add a decent tip when you place the order and be sure to let the delivery person know you’ve done that. But it’s your decision to make.

What’s the key to getting through these turbulent times?

I know people have kids who aren’t in school but I also see kids out in the yard playing and at least that’s something. Even if we are on the precipice of some awful thing, we’ve got to remain in good spirits through this. Find the good. I compare it to the AIDS generation, going through that, it was such a sad thing, such a bad thing, such a deadly thing. Of course you were going to funerals all the time. But you had to keep upbeat through it. You couldn’t just jump off the cliff. I think it’s about realizing we may be at the edge, but don't jump off. Look, it’s going to be better. It just is. We just have to get through it.

How To Be A Gentleman: A Timely Guide to Timeless Manners, and other books by John Bridges, are available online and at Brooks Brothers Stores.

This article has been supported by a grant from the Facebook Journalism Project for COVID-19 coverage.

Many industries have seen their businesses turned on their heads by COVID-19, but the food service industry, difficult to enter and maintain in the best of times, has been truly ravaged by the pandemic. As more people stay in, and save money, a truly staggering number of restaurants are closing their doors for good. Others are adapting to the changing world and doing all they can to find a model for survival in this difficult market.

Some of Nashville's favorite LGBTQ-owned, -operated, or -allied restaurants have adopted new models, or restructured their businesses to continue operating. In this issue, we highlight just a few such restaurants and caterers. There are still some great options out there to get your favorite comfort foods, while also supporting your local community. Bon appetit.

All of the following articles have been supported by a grant from the Facebook Journalism Project for COVID-19 coverage.

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Nashville chef David Andrews reopens bakery after two-month closure Joan Brasher

As COVID-19 made its presence known in Nashville in March, foot traffic at D’Andrews Bakery and Café began to dwindle. The steady stream of early morning customers in search of a caffeine boost and a farm-fresh egg and bacon sandwich had slowed to a trickle. The faithful lunchtime patrons who queued up for a chicken avocado sandwich and a slice of homemade carrot cake were no more.

Offices and retail businesses all across Nashville, and the country, were closing up shop, and D’Andrews’ chef/owner David Andrews

“Downtown Nashville was turning into a ghost town,” he said. “I live downtown with my husband, Matt, and it was very sad to see.” business loan. That customer happened to be a staff member in Rep. Jim Cooper’s office.

“Jim Cooper’s office is right next door to the café and he and his staff come in all the time,” Andrews said. “I gave them my information and a week later the money was in the bank. I really appreciate that they took the time to reach out and offer support. I’ll always remember that. And I have to give a shout out to both saw the writing on the wall.

Democrats and Republicans for getting that bill pushed through. It was a Herculean task, but it was the right thing to do.”

Andrews re-opened at partial capacity about two months later, got used to it and now it has become second nature.” in May. The first order of business was training staff on the new safety protocols, like wearing face masks, wiping down surfaces and social distancing.

He made the difficult decision to close the café just shy of its second anniversary.

“It was devastating to lock the doors and go dark,” Andrews said, added picnic boxes and pastry boxes to the menu.

“but we had to think about the safety and wellbeing of our staff. We also needed to preserve cash so we could survive to live another day.”

Not long after shuttering the café he received an email from a loyal customer checking in to see how he was holding up—and “Wearing a face mask was something different for us, especially when you’re working over a hot stove,” Andrews said. “But we

He arranged for delivery service via Uber Eats, and curbside pickup was set up at the roundabout in front of the store. And to make social distanced gatherings more fun, Andrews offering to help him navigate the application for a federal PPP

They can be ordered ahead for pickup or delivery on the weekends.

“The picnic and pastry boxes have been popular,” he said. “You can fill them with croissants, pain au chocolat, fruit tarts—all the French classics. And we have some home-grown favorites

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Andrews has a particular stake in keeping his locally-owned business afloat. The Nashville native flexed his culinary skills in New York City for more than a decade. But what he really wanted was to open a bakery in his hometown. A few years ago he decided it was time to come home.

“I started looking at the landscape of bakeries in Nashville, and saw the opportunity to bring something a bit more upscale in the pastry department, that also provided breakfast and lunch sandwiches and to-go coffee,” he said. “I thought it was a great concept, and I was fortunate to find an incredible location downtown with beautiful windows looking out over a church.”

So far, the pandemic has provided his greatest challenge to date. But there have been positives as well. Quarantining with husband Matt, who is a video producer, has provided a much-needed respite and time of connection.

“Not to diminish the difficulties of a global pandemic, but I found the two months quarantining together quite lovely in terms of spending quality time,” Andrews said. “It was nice to be able to make dinner or get takeout, and just watch a movie. It was just nice to reconnect and to know that there is nothing you can do except stay home and be safe.”

The couple also have gotten lots of quality time with their 11-year-old French bulldog, Miss Dixie, who has made regular appearances at the café. They had planned to adopt a baby sister for Miss Dixie — a cuddly new French bulldog puppy—but once again, the pandemic had other plans.

“The puppy was born in Canada in March, but the border closed and we were unable to travel there,” Andrews said. “We don’t know when we will get her, so we will have to be patient. I guess it’s like everything else right now. You just have to roll with it.”

To learn more about D’Andrews Bakery and Café, visit the website or subscribe to the D’Andrews newsletter. Follow them on Instagram at @dandrewsbakery.

The Mockingbird Flies in the Face of Adversity During COVID-19 Crisis

Brian Sullivan

When Mikey Corona and husband Brian Riggenbach started their underground supper in Chicago, they had the same vision in mind that they keep today: to create a warm atmosphere for friends to eat and enjoy each other’s company. Flash forward, and, even in the face of insurmountable adversity brought on by the COVID-19 pandemic, that space is still open for business.

“We made the decision to close our restaurant before the first orders went into place,” says Corona. “We saw what was happening, and for the safety of all of our staff, we had a discussion with all of our business partners, and we were kind of on the forefront of that.”

At just 2 ½ years old, The Mockingbird paused on March 17, shutting down operations and informing staff they needed to file for unemployment as soon as possible. The couple then went into the kitchen and took all of the perishable foods to distribute to them, offering their staff as many resources as possible to get them through that period. The two bunkered down and waited, while finishing a few projects here and there to pass the time.

“There’s always something to do,” says Riggenbach. “There’s a million little things always on the list.”

The Mockingbird closed down completely for approximately two weeks, then opened back up for curbside, and many of the locals and fans of the restaurant came out to support them. They changed the menu slightly to fit the general needs of the community, transforming the previous business model.

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“We have never been a to-go heavy restaurant,” says Corona. “Our venue is more of a place where people come for the atmosphere, the decor, the vibe, our staff’s kick ass personalities as well as the food, so that was difficult for us.”

After a surge of support for takeout in the beginning, the support slowly dwindled down as the pandemic went on. Corona and Riggenbach, both first time restaurant owners, suffered anxiety because of it.

“We spent the past 3 years creating this incredible team of employees, and you become a family, and you want to take care of every single one of them,” says Riggenbach. “In the kitchen, it’s less than ⅓ of what we are used to producing, so some of the positions just weren’t there to be filled.”

“Hard is an understatement,” says Corona. “We all sat in the room, it was quiet, there were tears. It was never ‘goodbye’, it was ‘we will be back together later’.”

“We don’t do any work talk at home,” says Corona. “When Brian gets home, that’s sort of his time to set work aside. We have a new studio in our home, and he’s able to focus on his painting. My time that’s really helped me cope is in the afternoon, when I get to go home and visit with our dogs. That’s my time to just cuddle them, and it’s pure love and positivity.”

The federal relief helped, and the couple says they appreciate it, but compares it to a bandaid on a severed arm, and says that the industry experienced a traumatic injury. “This crisis has unveiled the restaurant curtain,” says Corona. “These are the margins we operate off of, and they are very slim. We’ve seen a lot more consideration from the public of what restaurants go through.”

The failure rate for restaurants is enormous compared to other industries. The Mockingbird has continued to beat those odds so far.

The Mockingbird is not just a small business, but a safe space. The restaurant has not only hosted Dining Out for Life events since its inception, but numerous other events for LGBTQ causes. The owners say they purposefully looked to foster their community, and at its core, the restaurant kept the goal of inclusivity in mind. A Pride flag sits at the entrance of The Mockingbird to greet all who enter, and the owners say it will be there when their family comes back.

“WE MISS YOU QUEENS!” says Corona. “Our community is what sort of gave us the confirmation that we were supposed to be doing what we are doing. That yes, this is why we are here. So, we really wanted to create a second home for the community. It’s a relationship that we don’t take lightly, and we miss it terribly.”

The Mockingbird is currently open for dinner from 5-9pm Tuesday -Sunday, with brunch on Saturdays and Sundays from 10:30am -3:30pm. You can make a reservation online and order takeout by calling them at 615.741.9900.

Suzy Wong’s

Adjusts to COVID-19 as Owners Advocate for Relief Brian Sullivan

Iconic LGBTQ staple Suzy Wong’s House of Yum is not only preserving its unique cuisine by adjusting hours of operation and following safety guidelines, but it’s also joining a group to lobby for an increase in specific relief for bar owners across the country.

The group #SaveOurStages, which has garnered bipartisan support in Congress for a specific relief package targeting bars and restaurants in the United States, is operated by the National Independent Venue Association in order to preserve and nurture the ecosystem of independent live music venues and promoters.

When the COVID-19 pandemic hit earlier this year, owners had to close Suzy Wong’s, Play and Tribe. Only recently, they’ve been able to operate Suzy Wong’s at a limited capacity.

“We went through a number of different iterations,” says co -owner Todd Roman. “When the orders first came out, we completely closed, and as guidelines continued to evolve, we did as well.”

Roman says they’ve been in close contact working with the Metro Nashville Health Department to ensure they handled the phases responsibly. In the first phase of re-opening, Suzy Wong’s opened with takeout only. After an increase in COVID-19 cases within the city, they felt it responsible to close down and modify their hours.

“We experienced a great deal of anxiety on top of the anxiety everyone is experiencing with the new information about the virus and where that’s going to lead us,” says Roman. “On top of that, you’re worried about the wellbeing of your employees and patrons, and how we’re all going to come out on the other side of this. This is our new reality, and we don’t really have the choice to cope with it, we have to.”

Roman says they were able to receive relief funds, with very specific requirements to secure those funds were directed to help maintain staff and to help pay utility bills. There is a provision in the package for contracted drag performers as well, based on previous payrolls. Roman says they’ve lost relatively few employees.

In Nashville, the safety rules seemed to bend for bar owners downtown, while several LGBTQ owned bars were losing money daily by following the rules, which Roman found frustrating. “In a way, it seemed like there was a disconnect in the regulations and the reality of what was happening on the ground,” says Roman. “There was a loophole which allowed lower Broadway to continue to operate as normal because they classified themselves as a restaurant or food service. Restaurants were allowed to operate at a reduced capacity because they sold food during the day, whereas bars were required to close.”

It took the city weeks to catch up to this reality, until Mayor Cooper issued an Executive Order requiring bars to close at 10pm. Roman says regardless of what’s happened downtown, he and his partner have focused their energy on things within their control.

“I’m not a big proponent of social media activism, so we spent our energy working with the health department getting real time information on how the guidelines should be followed,” says Roman. “I think once the city was made aware, they did act quickly to address those inequities and restrict those not abiding by the rules.”

Between Suzy Wong’s, Play, Tribe and Play Louisville, Roman and his partner employ approximately 150 employees. Of those, only 3 have tested positive since the pandemic began, and they

credit strong precautionary measures. All employees have their temperature checked when they walk in the establishment, and each employee signs an affidavit stating they have not experienced any symptoms. If they have, they are required to undergo a 2-week mandatory isolation and receive a negative test before they return.

Roman says even since they’ve opened at limited capacity, business is still down at least 50-60% from the time before the COVID-19 pandemic began in the United States. That hasn’t stopped them from offering one of the best deals in the city.

Suzy Wong’s restructured its brunch so that now it includes 3 appetizers (fruit, biscuits and an egg roll). Customers get this, their choice of an entree, and a beverage for $28. Roman says, by far, the most popular choice for entree is chicken and waffles and the most popular drink is the Brunch Punch.

The owners have not just taken on the survival of Suzy Wong’s, but have focused additional efforts in helping other business owners get the help they need, and have lobbied for bills in Congress aiming to help the industry.

“Without direct aid from the government, our businesses have no resources, especially small, independent businesses,” says Roman. “Our rent and bills continue, regardless of the crisis, and that comes out of our pockets.”

“We miss everyone terribly, our employees certainly miss all of their regulars,” says Roman. “We want to assure people we will be here ready for you on the other side when a vaccine is found or we are able to open safely.”

As of this writing, Suzy Wong’s is open for brunch on Saturdays and Sundays from 10:30am-3pm. Guests can make reservations and order take-out online HERE or by calling 615.329.2913.

Bucking the System

Local Bistro Thrives on Traditional Southern Cuisine

Brian Sullivan

LGBTQ owned and operated Bucky’s Bistro is continuing the Nashville area’s classic home cooked tradition of Southern cuisine, even amid the COVID-19 crisis. As the pandemic continues, so does the number of restaurants fighting to keep their doors open. Not only have owners had to worry about safety guidelines, but also shortages in food for menu items.

The concept for the restaurant started just a year ago in March of 2019 when Selika Frasier and her wife Ashley Menard decided to fulfill their dream. Selika would take over the hands-on concept of cooking delicious food, while Ashley would take on the business aspects. Less than one year old, Bucky’s had to close back in March when the pandemic hit and remained so for about 6 weeks throughout the month of April. In May, they were able to reopen for curbside and to-go orders. Then, they separated the tables in the dining room, closed off some to ensure safety of patrons, and adjusted hours of operation, something they never imagined they’d have to do when they opened.

Bucky’s has since opened an online ordering platform and added family meals which can be found on UberEats, Doordash, and Postmates--platforms many other Middle Tennessee restaurants say they have lost money on.

“We worked with Grubhub last year, but did not like the concept of making our own deliveries,” says partner Ashley Menard. “We have since partnered with UberEATS, DoorDash, and Postmates. We rarely receive UberEATS or Postmates. On the other hand, we receive consistent orders through DoorDash. We had to raise our prices on these platforms in order to keep up with the percentage they take.”

Grubhub went viral online in May for allegedly charging 65% fees to restaurant owners, and Uber Eats reportedly has charged restaurants up to 40% of revenue for delivery. Uber Technologies, Inc. sought to acquire Grubhub, Inc. in a March deal that would have united the two biggest players in the industry. However, Netherlands-based Takeaway.com confirmed in June that it had struck a deal to acquire Grubhub in a $7.3 billion acquisition. Menard says they do value the advertising from those platforms and part of their regular pricing accounts for employee wages, so they just consider their percentage to be in place of wages they would otherwise pay to employees—employees they have fought hard to keep during the crisis. “We had to almost completely restaff,” Menard says. “The employees we had in February and March are no longer working with us.” “We pride ourselves on our catfish and burgers,” says Menard. “The All You Can Eat Catfish on Friday nights is a big hit!” Another fan favorite that packs a mean punch would be the Bucky's Burning Bull (a burger with jalapeno and Ghost Pepper cheese, bistro sauce, and an onion ring). “The name features ‘burning’ for the heat and the ‘bull’ for the fact that, A) it is a burger and B) bull's have those rings in their nostrils just like the burger, referring to the onion ring,” says Menard. “Another favorite is the Chickadilla, which is a chicken quesadilla with cheese, green peppers, and onions.” Menard says both employees and patrons have consumed quite a number of Chickadillas since they opened! The new hours for Bucky’s Bistro are Wednesday-Saturday 4PM-8PM. Guests can call (615)-766-8170 for pickup or they can order online for pickup. Guests can also order ahead for dine-in on this website. They offer curbside pick-up as well. Thankfully, the restaurant has experienced no COVID-19 scares neither from employees nor patrons.

STF Event s and Cat ering fac es an unc ert ain fut ure during t he COVID -19 c risis

Joan Brasher

When COVID-19 hit Nashville in March, STF Events and Catering’s calendar went from packed to blank. With large gatherings restricted to help slow the pandemic’s spread, clients of the Murfreesboro-based business quickly started cancelling their graduation celebrations, wedding receptions, conferences and corporate events.

Over the next several months, area restaurants tentatively rebounded with ramped up carryout and delivery options, but STF chef/owners Eleni Vavouris and Joelle Upton remained stuck on pause. “The impact was pretty much immediate and early on,” said Upton, who counted Vanderbilt University among her corporate clientele. “In mid-March, one client cancelled, and literally within the next 24 hours 17 more cancelled. We lost 95 percent of our business, and it’s not coming back any time soon.” In June, Governor Bill Lee rolled out the $200 million Tennessee Small Business Relief Fund, designed to provide financial relief for small businesses, including many minority-owned businesses. Upton applied but was turned down. “It’s been super frustrating,” Upton said. “The state relief program included a lot of people like barbers and musicians, but they didn’t include caterers. People seem to understand what COVID has done to restaurants, bars and servers, but catering is not really being involved much in the conversation.” Upton and Vavouris launched Savor the Flavor in 2005, eventually rebranding it with shortened the name, STF. Together for almost 20 years, they are a study in contrasts. Upton, from East Tennessee, is an extravert who typically handles the day-to-day logistics, bookings and client interactions. Vavouris, from a large Greek family in West Tennessee, is an introverted executive chef with an eye for the big picture. The two met while attending Opryland Hotel’s Culinary Apprenticeship program. They married in 2017.

“Eleni and I enjoy feeding people; we love the hospitality side of things,” Upton said. “We work well together and we also have been a good balance for each other during the pandemic. The fact that we are sane and still like each other is testament to our years together.” During this forced recess, the chefs are focused on their other business, EVO (Eleni Vavouris Originals), a line of small batch sauces and salsas made with fresh, whole ingredients. The line includes salsas in Original, Spicy Roja, Nashville Hot and Smoky Bourbon, as well as a signature Greek Marinade and Chipotle Peach sauce. The products are available online and at a few local retailers, but the chefs hope to take EVO to the masses. They also have other creative ideas on the back burner.

“We have days when we think the catering and events side will come back in 2021 and it will be fine, but then there are other days and it’s like, ‘Let’s sell it all for parts, move somewhere and do something else,’” Upton said with a smile. “Who knows–Eleni has always wanted to make bourbon. Right now, anything is on the table.”

This article has been supported by a grant from the Facebook Journalism Project for COVID-19 coverage.