18 minute read
The Age of Elegance
Age of Elegance
BY ROBIN FANNON AND CARLTON REESE The golden years are now for women of style, substance and beauty
The caricature of the aging female reveals many truths of society’s expectations and the low bar set for women who have supposedly crossed over from “youthful relevance” to “doddering eccentricity.” Gray hair knotted in a bun, horn-rimmed glasses, a creaky rocking chair and a mothball-scented floral muumuu: all ingredients of a stereotype too often succumbed to by the modern septuagenarian.
The picture of old age tends to frighten us in our youth, constantly whispering its inevitable arrival and subsequent reduction of all we cherish physically and mentally. Old age is seen as the other bookend of life’s arc, always before us, reminding us of our mortality.
I had not much contemplated the specter of a possible or pending caducity in my late years, but on my 60th birthday, I suddenly became aware of all those fears and doubts. I noticed the wrinkles on my skin, the gray hues emerging through my blonde hair, and could detect that governor switch in my engine. I noticed other ladies in their 60s and 70s always “dressed to the fours” and trapped in a cyclical ritual of the trite and mundane. Here I was, on that very precipice, staring into the gaping maw of irrelevance, but I decided I would have none of it.
For some, the denial of one’s own femininity, sensuality, style and vitality starts at age 50 and accelerates at a rapid pace henceforth. The aging process becomes a firing squad of one’s former self instead of a parole
PHOTOGRAPHY BY RALPH DEMILIO STYLING BY ROBIN FANNON HAIR & MAKEUP BY CPFREDERICKS FASHION BY DILLARD’S OCALA JEWELRY BY SHANNON ROTH COLLECTION SHOT ON LOCATION AT THE REILLY ARTS CENTER
Top row: Kathy Judkins, Danuta Jacob, Leda Pérez, and Cynthia Driscoll Bottom row: Robin Fannon and Lila Ivey
Robin Fannon
from a life subjugated to hormonal cycles and societal mores. The models of emulation exist, yet we ignore their examples, deeming them a fantasy or creation of unattainable wealth. To witness an Iris Apfel, at 100 still flashing her iconic look and only three years removed from her most recent modeling gig, or a Maye Musk, who at 74 can still turn heads in an evening gown, is to give assurances that style, substance and beauty do not vanish altogether in the climacteric episode of menopause.
For me, the best example for how to approach old age came not from fashion idols or celebrity designers, but from my own mother. She embraced aging with a healthy attitude and uncommon humor, remaining active and engaged in life into her 90s. Her ritual was not trite, but absorbing of the mind – she would read up to 10 books a week and kept the air filled with classical music. She dressed not in some age-required uniform, but in what affirmed her refined tastes. All this, she instilled in me and my sisters, extinguishing any fears of the aging process.
When she broke her hip, I asked my mother if she was afraid of dying. Her response: “Well, there’s not a whole hell of a lot I can do about it, so why worry?”
We all have a choice: Embrace this new later stage in life with vitality and enthusiasm, or retire to a state of mental androgyny where the only future is looking backward. I choose the former – I plan to meet that challenge.
Not that all this is easy. Around us float images of hot, young women in mini-skirts, tight skin and airbrushed lips – enough to make one at any age surrender to the convenience of lethargy and bad hair days.
In the end, however, we are still the same women we have always been. My mind still operates as it did in my 40s – where is it written we must all abandon the tenets of womanhood we worked so hard to maintain our whole lives?
The aging process, wrought with insecurities and doubt due to the limitations it imposes, also offers opportunity if welcomed. Societal pressures eased, fashion sense tethered to the wisdom of experience, and the eventual exhilarating understanding of the male mind, grant a freedom to women realized only in their later years.
In Ocala, we have found five women who have made the same choice as I, and we would like to introduce you to them in these pages. They have risen to the challenge of aging gracefully, productively and with a zest for life. They’ve all made the choice to carry on as feminine, stylish forces in our community, remaining relevant professionally as well as socially, stylishly, and yes, sensually.
Each possesses tremendous self-confidence and lives life to the fullest. Theirs is not a myth of old age, witnessed solely in the pages of a Deborah Moggach novel, but a tangible reality on display to remind us all that the coming years are to be anticipated and not loathed.
INDIVIDUAL PROFILES BY CARLTON REESE
Cynthia DRISCOLL
In her mid-30s she graced the runways of New York City fashion shows and was the object of photo “There are preconceived ideas of how we should be: We marry early and we have children,” Driscoll says. “Hair is supposed to shoots for Bloomingdale’s and
Saks Fifth Avenue. Now at 67,
Cynthia Driscoll still smiles for the camera in elegant poses designed to sway the tastes of clothing and jewelry patrons. The sad saga of the aging fashion model fading into irrelevance and unsung retirement in no way describes Driscoll. Exuding the same inner spirit and outer beauty that drove her career in younger days, Driscoll carries on in an industry that is not just tolerating older models but now finds a critical need for them. For Driscoll, modeling at age 67 does not mean pandering to ancient stereotypes about seniors but about demonstrating the irrelevance of a number and providing an example of how years need not diminish physical beauty or inner spirit. “I’m 67, and without surgery,”
Driscoll proudly states, with her ageless alabaster skin and smile one could read by. “It’s just a number – it doesn’t define me.” Born and raised in New
York and having worked as a model there and in California, Driscoll, an Ocala resident for “The Baby Boomer doesn’t slightly less than a year, has no want to dress like her daughter, designs on “settling down” and she refuses to play the role of the but she doesn’t want to dress hidden sexagenarian that wants the public to remember her only like grandma, either.” as she looked 40 years ago. No,
Driscoll is proud to show off her timeless good looks and remain in the game as someone young women can look to with the confidence that getting older doesn’t mean cashing in your attractive display or your hip style. be short, my clothes need to be attuned to my age, makeup and character should be more demure. “But I always dress for me. If everybody goes left, then I go right – just walking to the beat of a different drummer.” Driscoll does not bask in fraudulent pandering reserved for the decrepit and homely – she genuinely pulls it off as easy on the eyes no matter how many years have passed. When she was 35, she had to pretend she was 25 in order to secure certain gigs. Today, she boasts of her age and people are likely to once again think she is telling tall tales. She has never undergone cosmetic surgery and laments the fact many young women in their 30s and even down to their teens are turning to the knife. It’s one reason she is still active in the modeling game. “Absolutely I’m on a mission,” Driscoll said. “I expect people to say, ‘Who is that old woman?’ I want to get through to all the young women and I want them to say, ‘I want to look like that when I’m older.’” Driscoll’s secret to remaining relevant and attractive may be multi-faceted. She gives credit to her vegan diet (though fish make many appearances, she says) and her spirituality. “We are spirits in human bodies – the secret to youth would be that. See positives in your differences and embrace your uniqueness. “At this age, the pressure is off. Life is a gift, so just be all you can be.”
Lila
IVEY While most people let the recent pandemic crash onto them like an unforgiving tsunami, Lila Ivey rode its wave with the ease of a Kelly Slater, carving out a new life path and reinvigorating her love for the arts and travel. Ivey had planned on travelling abroad with her savings, but with pandemic lockdowns making that impossible, it was time to shift gears. The Trips and Tours leader for the Appleton Museum and also the Director of Community Outreach for Hospice of Marion County, Ivey had to give those up amid the new COVID protocols. Instead of staying home or donning the Walmart blue vest that is commonplace among retirees, Ivey decided it was time to start a new career in graphic design. “When the pandemic hit, like so many people, I had to re-invent myself completely,” said Ivey, now 72 and approaching life with the same vigor as in her younger days. “I’m selftaught, so now I do our ads (for Hospice), our brochures and our videos. I used to outsource those jobs and now I’m doing them “All these things you hear myself and I’m having a ball!” Ivey’s love for the arts reabout menopause, that you’re mains vital to her very being – she not a woman anymore, that’s is still involved with the Appleton and the NOMA art gallery – and absolute garbage.” she recently travelled to Washington, D.C. on a solo trip to visit the myriad of world-class museums there. She even led a group to the Crystal Bridges Museum of American Art in Arkansas, but admits that may have been her swan song for group tours. “It wasn’t without its stress because it was high COVID time,” Ivey said. “When it’s just me, there’s no stress involved.” Ivey remains the relevant professional woman and she dresses the part. The world ceases to rotate on its axis the day someone catches Ivey sporting a pair of old sweatpants while grocery shopping. No, the most likely scenario is finding Ivey dressed as though she just came from presenting at a corporate board meeting. Even at 72, fashion is an important part of her life.
“I’m embarrassed to say how huge (fashion) is,” Ivey said. “I try to keep up with fashion and style – I don’t know if it’s vanity or what.”
Ivey describes her sense of style as “funky” and “edgy,” but when it comes to the office, she is always the consummate professional: “makeup; down to the nines.”
“I dress up every day because it makes me feel good and I’m fortunate that I have a lot of business clothes.
“In the old days, we would say we dressed for men. I don’t think so; I think we dressed for other women. Now, I dress for myself. Any opportunity I have to get dressed up, I will be dressed up.”
In her dresser is just one pair of jeans she has owned for over 15 years and it comes out on the rare occasions which demand it. “But I don’t have many occasions,” Ivey says. “I go with the flow and dress accordingly, so for anything that’s fun or funky I will rise to the occasion.”
A new career, healthy lifestyle and a fashion sense that belies her age are all part of a life’s philosophy that not only accepts the inevitability of growing old but welcomes and enjoys the prospect. Ivey refuses to believe that menopause strips a lady of her womanhood and she proves it every day.
“Menopause was the best thing that ever happened to me,” Ivey said. “When you don’t have hormones, you don’t have a lot of grief. It’s the best time of your life – it’s freedom on all levels.”
Danuta
JACOB
For Danuta Jacob, the best was always yet to come, and now at age 69 during so-called “retirement” she is making her relevant mark in Ocala through the arts.
She used to work at the Appleton Museum and is an actress with the Ocala Civic Theatre. Recently, she performed in her biggest role to date as the lead in T.K. Lee’s world premier “Paper Thin” last October at OCT. In the 90-minute production, Jacob remained on stage the entire time.
“I’ve been doing community theater since 1988 and I’ve had some pretty big roles, but this one – especially since it was an original play and was a world premiere – there was some stress involved,” Jacob said of her role as Lucrece, witnessed in person by Lee himself. “It was a huge commitment, but it was a wonderful challenge and I really enjoyed every aspect of it.”
In the play, her character sits on a roof with a bottle of whiskey explaining to her son how life goes on even after divorce. It is a character ready to move on to the next chapter of her life, and Jacob may draw a parallel to her own life, sans divorce that is. Having moved in 2012 with her husband from New Hampshire to Bascom, Florida, Jacob embraced life in the quiet rural outpost of the state’s Panhandle, all the while yearning for the culture that would come in a move to Ocala seven years later.
“I am so enamored with the cultural aspect of Ocala, all the opportunities for art,” Jacob said. “It’s just rich in culture. People think of Ocala as the Horse Capital, and I understand that and that’s definitely one of its claims to fame. But that is not all that’s here by any means.”
Jacob does not relegate her artistic sensibilities to the stage – she has taken to the canvas as well. When the pandemic hit, theater production halted and gave her the green light to tackle the medium of painting.
“I used to paint, many years before I ever started doing theater and I wasn’t real proficient at it, but I enjoyed doing it,” said Jacob, who has been studying portraiture under local artist Mel Fiorentino. “If you’re not learning, what’s the point? I’m not just sitting home playing computer games or anything like that.”
When it comes to fashion, Jacob takes little consideration as to her age, but more as to how she feels. She describes her look as “sophisticated bohemian, if that’s a thing” and privy to bright colors and pastels. She notes that she is just as comfortable dressing ultra-casual as she is ultra-sophisticated.
“Comfort is a big issue,” Jacob said. “I’m more comfortable in slacks or leggings than I am in dresses. I like the feminine embroidery or lacey kind of stuff also, so I would say I have a broad range (of tastes), now that I think about it.”
At her age, Jacob insists attitude is everything. “If you believe you’re old, then you’re going to be old. I have known 40-year-olds who act like they’re 80, and a lot of that has to do with your attitude.”
KathyJUDKINS
Simply uttering the word “retirement” brings a slight retching to Kathy Judkins. Almost 60 and with the standard retirement age just a few years away, Judkins relishes the thought of continuing her career and serving those around her much more than the thought of easing into a recliner and taking the proverbial breather to finish out her days. “I really don’t like the term ‘retirement,’” says Judkins, the senior consultant for civic, charitable and government relations at SECO Energy. “I’m not even looking forward to that. I would just love to be able to set my time, when I go in (to the office) and how much time I spend there.” When you love your job, you never work a single day – and that is how Judkins sees “Women want dignity, but herself at SECO and as presiwe don’t need to say it. How dent for the Florida Chapter of American Association of Blacks we carry ourselves is not in Energy, an organization that helps ensure the input of African something that should be Americans and other minorities broadcasted – people should into discussions and developments of energy policy, technoljust be able to tell.” ogies and environmental issues. With SECO and the AABE, Judkins has carved a relevant niche for herself that allows her the opportunity to make a difference in the lives of those around her. It’s not something she is going to relinquish as she heads into her twilight years. “I’m approaching (the aging process) by celebrating it,” Judkins says. “I approach it gracefully and have the understanding that I may not be able to do some of the things I did in my 20s or 30s, but I’m learning to enjoy every single day.”
Altering some of her habits is paving a much smoother life path as she stares down her 60s. Among the changes are alterations in her eating and sleeping habits which, “… are going to help me because I believe my health is my true wealth.”
Changes are also taking place in her professional habits. Always a multi-tasker, Judkins now sees the value of focusing on one objective at a time. “I don’t need to be a squirrel, moving from one thing to another. I thought I could be a multi-tasker forever, but now I’m realizing maybe I need to slow it down just a little bit, do one thing at a time and do a really great job at that.”
Judkins credits meditation, deep breathing exercises and hydration as essential to her success as well as her mental and physical well-being, which are priorities at her age. Healthy in mind, body and spirit have proven barriers to the aging process that carries a different meaning to her than many others. For that, she can thank her mother who has passed on a sense of fashion that eschews the norms for aged women.
“I have a mother who’s 82 and she’s still dressing like she’s in her 50s, so I’ve had a great role model,” Judkins said. “When I go into a meeting I like to put my heels on and have a really nice outfit or business suit or dress. Then, there are days when I want to wear my flats or flipflops and just be casual.
“I like to coordinate what I wear and I refuse to look older. I think people should dress how they feel and I don’t want to dress older like a grandmother in a rocking chair, yet.”
Leda
PÉREZ
One might ask Leda Pérez her age, and she could truthfully answer that she doesn’t quite know. That is how irrelevant such a number is to her.
Now 65, Pérez remembers once being asked that very question and her response was, “What year is it?” For Pérez, there are no numbers that seemingly define a person, only a mind that dictates behaviors and outcomes. To call it “mind over matter” would be incorrect; for Pérez, mind is matter.
“I truly believe your thoughts can dictate what your body is feeling,” says Pérez, a fitness trainer who teaches “yogalates,” which is a hybrid of yoga and Pilates. “So, what I think and say is important to my body.”
The aging process has been kind to Pérez, who boasts of rarely getting sick. “I’m always vibrant. I speak to myself in a way that really honors myself.”
She began physical workouts at age 33 and at that time delved into literature of the mind, poring over the works of authors such as Ernest Holmes and Thomas Troward. A seminal period in her life, Pérez has since utilized this knowledge to guide her journey into post-middle age and enjoys a contentment few people experience. For her, contentment and happiness are built from within.
“What we think about, we bring about,” says Pérez, who has been in the health and wellness industry for over 30 years. “When you see people that are constantly talking about terrible things in their lives, you would not believe what happens, all the horrible things.”
That mindset is especially important as the years pass. Pérez understands the fears most people have about growing old, and she admits to being among those at one point dreading her later years. But a long time ago she set her mind straight and embraced all the positives that come with the aging process, not dwelling on the negative aspects.
For Pérez, there is beauty in aging – all one must to do is keep acknowledging such.
“I used to think, ‘Oh, my God, I’m towards the end!’ But for me, there’s such a sense of freedom at this stage that I can say whatever the hell I want and if some people don’t like it, that’s OK. I don’t have to appease or please anybody.”
Pérez sums up the philosophy succinctly with Bernard Baruch’s famous quote: “Those who care don’t matter, and those who matter don’t care.”
Pérez may never retire in that she sees herself always involved in the community, living to serve in some capacity. And to her, that is where true enrichment resides.
“I think being involved with humanity and serving humanity is the greatest thing you can do,” Pérez said. “I never see myself not involved with my community. I want to serve in some way. You want to leave a mark, you want to help other people rise to their greater good.”
It may also be key to living to a ripe old age. “I told my kids, ‘I’m going to be 114 before I leave, so make sure you have a tiny hole in the back yard for me.’”
