The Ocelot August 2018

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Lifestyle and Culture Magazine Wiltshire, Oxfordshire and West Berkshire

No: 146 August 2018

Free

colourful comedy with sara pascoe p30

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#146

AUGUST ISSUE

For Starters

04 The Rant + Luke Coleman 06 Encyclopaedia Oceloticca 08 The Bassett Rivers Echo Lifestyle

12 Get Away 14 Style 16 Get a Life 17 TV and Film Brews and Eats

19 Tuppenny 20 Wine not? 21 Brewery Bird 22 Jezabel Gin 24 History of fizzy drinks Arts and Culture

25 The Theatre Guide 26 Barn Theatre 27 Review 30 Sara Pascoe 32 Henley Festival 34 The Month Ahead 36 Zine Fest 37 Marlborough Litfest Music

38 Gig Monkey 40 Swindon Shuffle 42 The Month Ahead The Final Bit of the magazine

46 Agony Girl

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What is an Ocelot?

It’s a name for a magazine that I love but also hate. When we first came up with the name back in the heady days of Spring 2006 it seemed to fit what we were doing perfectly. We wanted to create a magazine that people actually wanted to read. A magazine that was funny and informative and written with real passion. A magazine that covered music, the arts, food and drink and lifestyle but that didn’t talk down to its audience and always had its tongue firmly in its cheek. The name ‘ocelot’ was the most ridiculous thing we could think of to call the magazine summing up the leftfield approach we were taking. But it’s also been a problem. For some advertisers, the thing that we survive on, it was a step too far. They didn’t get what we were trying to achieve. They couldn’t get their head around it. In their eyes if we didn’t take ourselves too seriously why should they. They wanted a name that would fit in a nice box. A name that didn’t confuse them. I’ve always known we would have done a lot better if we had called ourselves something mainstream and a bit boring like ‘What’s on’ etc. but we would have lost the personality of the magazine in the process. But times change and with that in mind I wouldn’t mind your thoughts on this pressing issue. Should we change the name? Write in to me at jamie@theocelot.co.uk

Jamie Hill

Editor: Jamie Hill - jamie@theocelot.co.uk Deputy: Ben Fitzgerald - ben@theocelot.co.uk Reporter: Claire Dukes - claire@theocelot.co.uk Sales: Dave Stewart dave@theocelot.co.uk - 07872 176999 Rosy Presley rosy@positivemediagroup. press - 07717 501790 Nataley Fryer nataley@positivemedia group.press - 07769 978823 Telephone: 01793 781986 Publisher: Positive Media Group, Unit 3, Arclite House, Peatmoor, Swindon SN5 5YN Printers: Deltor, Saltash, Cornwall 31/07/2018 16:02


For Starters

What the Trump?!?!

By Ocelot Editor Jamie Hill Is it just me or is the situation with the leader of the free world going from the more chaotic to the more ridiculous on a daily basis? It’d be funny if it wasn’t just oh, so scary! We have the most powerful man in the world flailing from one disaster to the next and I’ve got a sneaking suspicion that he might even win the next election. And he is so hateful and divisive. It’s like America chose the worst possible human they could find to be their leader. But he’s also the least capable at the same time. Just some bumbling unthinking buffoon let loose to cause mayhem. It’s easy to find his supporters though. They’re everywhere. They’ve even invaded this country with them popping up all over the place. Are they all seeing something that the rest of us can’t see? As I’m writing this he’s just threatened Iran, a week after cosying up to Russia and taking their side against his own country and then trying to roll it back by saying he meant to say ‘wouldn’t’ where he said ‘would’ which does nothing to contradict the rest of his speech after the Helsinki summit with Putin where he categorically denied any collusion despite what his own people are saying. And it goes on. Day after day. Another scandal. Another massive diplomatic insult to his allies. Another scarily enacted policy that divides people. It must be a dream. This can’t be real. Can it? As a race, we’re not this stupid are we? And then you go on social media where his supporters (or Russian bots, you decide) lay in wait to shout down anything that is against him as ‘fake news’ or a ‘witch hunt’. These people do not listen to reason or rational debate.

Instead any differing opinion is simply dismissed as ‘snowflake talk from the loony left’ as if an insult to the person you are debating against means you win it despite the other person using facts and evidence. At this moment in time President Donald Trump could murder another human being on live television whilst shouting that he is the antichrist and he would get away with it. He is the single most dangerous human alive. And he even has the power to launch nuclear weapons. But don’t worry we can protest against him by using a crowdfunded Trump Baby blimp. That’ll stop him. (I would have preferred our own political leaders to stand up to him but obviously that would never happen as that would need backbone - a commodity in short supply these days.) And the world slowly loses its will to live with every passing day as hopes disappear into the aether. We’re through the looking glass people! Sleep well tonight.

Going loco across the landscape of Iraq Off The Grid with Luke Coleman - Our man in Iraq I love me a train, I do. Rickety rocketing, tunnels, horns, toilets that evacuate your evacuations directly onto the tracks – still, in Britain 2018. Ten years or so ago, I used to travel from Kyiv to Krakow on the train, on a visa run, or to get the easyjet back to the UK. It would take over a day, with a 6 hour stop to change the gauge on the carriages. The coupes were fun affairs, 4 strangers pooling resources until the little window table groaned with beer, vodka, pickles, bread, meat and fruit. I long to do the trans-Siberian, hopping on and off, for weeks on end. So I was excited to see that one of the few train journeys in Iraq has been reinstated recently. The Baghdad to Fallujah wagon takes just an hour and would get me to one of the cities I’m desperate to visit. I’d also love to do the overnighter from Baghdad to Basra, but that one’s adjudged to be a little on the risky side for a lone English plum.

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It’s pretty flat down there, so the only tunnels are the legacy of The Fuckers, and the only horns those of the goats. I’m willing to bet that those brave enough to use the growler are still dropping directly on the tracks, though.

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Science Fact: The Kola Superdeep Borehole

Encyclopedia Ocelotica by Ben Fitzgerald

Going the hole way down By Ben Fitzgerald

If you visit the seaside, especially you’re a man, it’s simply a matter of time before the overwhelming urge to dig a hole begins to take hold. At the end of the day, as the sun is setting, you can often see lone figures still lost in the oblivion of a digging frenzy while their companions have long since wandered back to the car... or out of their lives. There is something utterly primal about this drive that begins as a toddler and seems to just increase in its ambition and scope the older you get. This instinct to dig is not limited to individuals - even entire nations attempt to answer the question “What happens if I keep on digging down… and don’t stop… possibly for years…” Let’s turn our attention to the Superdeep Borehole - No I’m not talking about the awful humble

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bragging LinkedIn enthusiasts - this is literally a very deep hole. On May 24 1970, Russian scientists began drilling a hole on the Kola peninsular in North West Russia. Presumably they were looking to kill some time while their families went off looking for the nearest ice cream shop. A full nine years later, in 1979 (by which time most of the team’s loved ones had given up waiting in the car and driven home) the engineers, using a Uralmash -15000 drilling rig (great bit of kit), managed to surpass the world depth record held by the Bertha Rogers hole in Washita County, Oklahoma, USA at 9,583m. And in 1983 the drill passed 12,000m. By 1992, the drillers had penetrated to a depth of 12,262 metres - to put this into context this

is the equivalent of 12,262 metre rulers laid end to end. The Russians had cut through to a depth of about a third of the way through the Baltic Shield continental crust, but work had to be stopped because temperatures had reached 180 degrees - enough to cook a medium sized chicken to perfection in about an hour. What was the point of it all you may ask? - Well, scientists were able to discover that there was water trapped deep underground… they also found a large quantity of hydrogen gas… and one hell of a lot of rock. They didn’t find any undiscovered civilisations or vast quantities of sapphires - but they did make a much bigger hole than that other kid over the other side of the Pacific so, on that level it was definitely worth it. I wonder what they are all doing with their lives now?

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Bassett

The

Rivers Scary news for scary times...

Echo

It’s coming home says scared kid

Wearing hats cures baldness - new research reveals

by Kit Chentable

Scientists at Bassett Rivers Institute of Scientific Research (BRISR) have made a major breakthrough in their attempts to cure male pattern baldness - wear a hat. Led by a crack team of scientists for the past decade the multi-million pound project finally revealed their findings at a global press conference on Friday. Boffin Professor Ivor Bigbrain said: “Male pattern hair loss is believed to be due to a combination of genetics and the male hormone dihydrotestosterone.

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“For years we’ve tried our best to come up with a cure. We have tried shaving heads to replicate the ‘Phil Mitchell’ look but a lot of our test subjects complained that it made them start supporting Millwall and just angry all the time at ‘political correctness gone mad’. “Another cure we tried to push was to paint hair onto people’s heads but that didn’t really work either. Especially when it rained. “So the obvious conclusion that we’ve come up with is for people to simply wear hats.” Bassett Rivers resident Brian

Devlin, who has been bald since his early twenties, said: “I can’t believe I never thought of this. The multimillion pounds that they have spent on this research project is totally worth it as I can now cover up my baldness completely by wearing a hat. “I might even take it one step further and wear a full astronaut’s helmet around all the time as that would cure me of my other affliction - male pattern ugliness. People wouldn’t be able to see my face meaning I might even get a date. It’s perfect. Thank you BRISR!”

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Bassett Rivers destroyed to make way for new bypass

By Livi Ngroom BASSETT Rivers has been completely demolished to make way for a bypass. The residents of the village who now live under the bypass flyover in a semi-feudal society welcomed the news as they saw their homes being demolished to shave 30 seconds off a journey from Swindon to Newbury. Tess Armchair-Clarke, chairman of the former residents committee, said: “We really welcome the news that all of our houses had to be demolished to make way for the commuters between Swindon and Newbury. “Those seconds that it saves will be a boon for businesses in both of the towns and us people in the former Bassett Rivers will not stand in the way of progress. “The only thing that was slightly annoying is that we only got thirty seconds notice to vacate our properties before they were demolished. I was just about to serve my seven children fish fingers and McCain’s oven chips. My youngest was quite pleased as she doesn’t like fish fingers and had eaten too many sweets earlier. “We might be homeless now and two of my children

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have since died of dysentry but who are we to complain?” Mayor of Former Bassett Rivers Melvin Bogtrotter said: “I’m quite enjoying living in this feudal society under the underpass in our tent city. I haven’t thought of a name for the Former Bassett Rivers yet but I’m sure I’ll come up with one. “The other day I quite enjoyed having to fight to the death for a can of baked beans in the newly built thunderdome that I officially opened the day before. “It got us all outside and 84-year-old Mrs Ogden who used to live in Glenn Close with her two cats was a worthy opponent and I think she really appreciated the exercise before I crushed the life out of her and lifted the can of baked beans in triumph above her corpse. “I enjoyed snacking on her cats too. “The authorities have forgotten that we’re all down here which is good as they are just so square when it comes to things like murder so I know they wouldn’t approve. So that’s good. The whole country will have to start getting used to living like this after Brexit anyway so we’re just getting ahead of the crowd.”

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Get Away

A city break guide to Dublin Words by Claire Dukes

It helps knowing people who live in the right places. Since meeting one of the loves of my life, Gemma, back in our first year of university we’ve had to go long distance with our friendship. It’s fine, it just means I get to go away for a few days to Dublin and have the luxury of free accommodation. I’ve been in worse situations. And now she’s moving to Canada, so being the good friend I am, I will of course save money to visit.

I’ve been to Dublin about four times now, and it’s a great city - its vibe and energy is not too dissimilar to Bristol. It’s accessible, but a big enough place to explore with some really incredible music venues, and craft beer houses. It has all the tourist hotspots and leprechaun merchandise you could ever want, and quite a few stag and hen parties traipsing about. So for my first trip I did the obligatory tourist routes and then quickly altered my course and headed in the opposite direction to all the generic facilities.

News from abroad... Every time I’ve gone to Dublin I’ve always encountered some sort of anti-abortion brigade. It’s weird being called a “murderer” over your morning coffee. And it’s not even in a pet-name manner - it’s a stranger shouting at you with genuine hate. Now I’ve never had an “accident“ (touches wood) but if I did I’m pro-choice. So for me, and many women across Ireland, you can imagine what it was like landing in a place where there was a landslide vote to repeal the eighth amendment! And you know when things weirdly

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just keep getting better? It was a great moment when I saw that one of my favourite ladies had been papped at the march with her face then smacked across various national news publications. It was a proud moment all round. No more making ‘the journey’ for an abortion, and finally people can make their own choice for termination should the mother be at risk - so many women have lost their lives because of the eigth amendment, mothers dying during childbirth because it’s ‘fair game’ or a coin toss between them

and their baby. The city felt amazing and there was an undenibale feeling of unity and progression about it.

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Get Away

Dublin cheat sheet Drinks / Eats / Out & About

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Kokoro Bento - The Ramen Bar, William St. The best raman I have ever had and I love Japenese cusine. It’s the place to go to get it. No dispute.

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Brother Hubbard, Capel St. It’s healthy and delicious. Think fresh juice, lentils, turkish eggs, hummus specials and feeling better after eating. Bangin’ for brunch.

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Irish Film Institute One for film fans. Always worth seeing what’s on here as they have some really good screenings and talks.

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Clement and Pekoe, Temple Bar Proper coffee in a minimal space shared with the clothes store and studio Indigo & Cloth. It’s for the antiCostas of the world.

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Gin Palace, Abbey St Middle I mean, this is what it says on the tin.

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The Bernard Shaw, Richmond St South This place has everything - a bar with a great drinks menu, live music, The Big Blues Bus (sourdough pizza), flea markets, street food, anf caters for events.

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Teeling Whiskey Distillery It’s worth going on a tour if you’re a fan of whiskey - bit of history, bit of booze, and they also make really good cocktails.

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St Stephen’s Green A very nice walk in the park and glorious place to chill. Enjoyed manier picnics and tinnies here.

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Style

You’ve got d

By Fashion Writer Gina Akers

There are so many ways you can wear your summer style but one way that will never go out of fashion is luxury style. Whatever you are doing in the sunshine, time at the beach, holidays, summer nights out, fine dining, sunset walks, luxury style is your go to for looking hot while keeping it cool.

The ultimate in luxury comfort summer sleep wear has to be the DKNY Tartan Eyemask, Top and Shorts Set (£55), this is perfect for travel, visit www. brandattic.com

Choctopia chocolates scream luxury, by Matt Hancock, the master chocolatier. With flavours such as banana and hazelnut caramel and coconut and rosewater, from £10 for 8, available at www.choctopia.net

Jasmine Harper offer the luxe look in jewellery but at a reasonable price the Delaunay Stud Earring (£8.95) are similar to a style recently worn by Meghan Markle and the Celestial Necklace (£9.95) works well with any colour of summer outfit, from www. jasmineharper.co.uk

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ot de luxe! The Satchel Bag is £135, from www. bagsbybutterflytree.com

Style Alexandre of England Regular Fit Blue Sharkskin Two Piece (£149) or Three Piece (£179) Suit, visit www. suitdirect.co.uk

Mod Shoes are made from fine super comfy leather, for ladies the Dusty Patent Leather Retro T-Bar Shoes (£85) are pure class

The Stanley Sand Colour Suede Shoes (£58) offer style that truly reflects summer, available from www. modshoes.co.uk

Claire Louise Wash Bags (£29.99) are beautiful Travel accessories that look just gorgeous, available in a range of designs from www. clairelouise.eu

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TV & Film Film to TV and vice versa By Jamie Hill

One of the biggest complaints that plagues Hollywood is the lack of original ideas. Every month you have to wade through a sea of sequels just to find anything that is remotely original. But is television suffering from the same fatigue with reboots being all the fashion at the moment? As I write there’s a hell of a lot of internet hand-wringing about the plans to reboot Buffy The Vampire Slayer, which itself was a remake of a film that was made only a couple of years before. But can television and cinema actually help each other out.? Still on Buffy creator Joss

Whedon’s theme, a Hollywood movie actually came to the rescue of the untimely demise of his follow-up series Firefly with the film Serenity, nicely tying up some of the loose ends and doing justice to the characters. They’re doing the same with Deadwood now. Another critically acclaimed series that suffered an untimely demise after its superlative third season. This beautifiul and gritty Western television series (think the Sopranos back in frontier land) was just hitting its stride when it got cancelled so a movie to tie it

all together would definitely work. Star Trek has always been a great marriage between television and film. The original tv series transferred to the big screen with some real success (just ignore Star Trek V in favour of Wrath of Khan). Other films that have made the successful transfer from film to TV are the likes of Lethal Weapon which is a brilliant TV series even without the likes of Mel Gibson and Danny Glover. There is definitely a great intermarriage between the two mediums. A television series can do the kind of character work that a movie can only dream of but cinema has the budget and the resources to really do your ideas justice. It’s like incest with better results.

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Brews and Eats Calling all hop-heads and home brewers! by Ed Dyer

Top Swindon craft beer bar The Tuppenny has pulled off a major coup this September by attracting one of the most highly rated breweries in the country to pitch up in Old Town to hold a Meet the Brewer and Tap Takeover. Cheltenham based Deya Brewing are simply put, one of the biggest noises in UK craft brewing right now, winning numerous awards and critical acclaim for their soft, intense and hoppy beers and constantly occupying a top 5 position in the Untapped beer rating app brewery charts. Their focus on fresh, clean and intense flavours has won them a legion of beer drinking fans and has certainly gone down outrageously well when it has been on the bar at The Tuppenny. On September 6th, Deya will be bringing 6 keg, 1 cask and some special cans of their beer for the thirsty hordes, and will be on hand to talk through them, outline how they make them and the stories behind them. Expect

some of their regular favourites plus some rarities and special brews. But, this won’t just be your normal Meet the Brewer, because alongside will be running a home brewing competition. The Tuppenny are usually to be found supplying you with beer, but now feel it is high time the tables were turned. So, now it’s your turn. Their challenge to you, should you choose to accept it, is to brew them a beer, and to have the bravery to put it into completion. Of course, beer has many styles, so to make it easier for you and to level the playing field slightly, they are asking you to brew a pale ale. That’s it. It’s a pretty broad remit but you are free to interpret the brief however you see fit. So be creative, go for flavours that you think will wow the judging panel. This judging panel will comprise of Will Twomey, head brewer at West Berkshire Brewery / Renegade who brews the

Tuppenny’s core range of beers, Ruth Mitchell, one of the most respected beer sommeliers in the country, and of course Theo Freyne, head brewer at Deya Brewing. A competition wouldn’t be a competition without prizes of course. So on offer as top prize, a day with Will at WBB, brewing your winning beer, on their 100 litre pilot kit, and have the prestige of seeing your beer on draught in The Tuppenny. The winner will also receive a brewery tour for them and three friends with Theo at Deya, and a craft beer goodie bag. 2nd prize is a brewery tour for four at Deya and a craft beer goodie bag and 3rd prize is a craft beer goodie bag. There will also be prizes for “best beer name” and “best artwork/label design” . For full event details, competition entry details and rules go and check out the blog at www.thetuppenny.com or the event on their facebook page.

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Brews and Eats

Driving home a safety message By Darren Willmott

Just like the placing of Bank Holidays or the fact that the clocks go backwards and forwards each year, there are things that we naturally adhere to by default and don’t really question when they were introduced. One of these is the drink-drive limit, an obvious mandate to drivers to not be too inebriated prior to being in charge of a vehicle. Although it had been an offence to be ‘drunk-in-charge’ of a vehicle since the early 1900’s, it wasn’t until January 1966 that a formal intoxication limit was put in place. Following World War 2 the social scene of the 1960s was booming. The increased availability of raw materials, disposable income and a general freedom of choice meant the number of cars on the road began to grow at a significant rate. Originally proposed in June 1965, the new law stated that drivers exceeding 80mg (milligrams) of alcohol in 100cc (cubic centimetres) of blood were ‘over the limit’, and could be prosecuted for the first time. Such stipulations were in their infancy then but, compared to today’s standards, this was actually a

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very generous allowance. Due to varying body weights and other lifestyle factors it’s impossible to state the exact point as to when you become ‘drunk’, but this original level was just over double of what we today call the drink-drive limit (35mg), and somewhere over 4 glasses of wine. That’s almost a bottle. That said, the final 1966 law wasn’t half as concerning as some of the proposals made in the consideration process. One of the more outlandish suggestions allowed the equivalent of eight pints (or 12 single shots of spirits) be permissible! Attitudes and habits changed almost immediately, causing the publicans of the time to march on Westminster in protest at the new restrictions, such was the immediate hit to their lunchtime trading. People who drove to and from work were now routinely foregoing their pub lunch tipple and the loss of business was being keenly felt. To this day critics continue to challenge the government on what constitutes a ’safe’ level of drinking prior to driving, primarily as the word ‘safe’ is very open to interpretation. One

side states that a ‘one-size-fitsall’ limit isn’t good enough, whilst the other suggests that there’s no ‘safe’ limit and that drinking should be avoided altogether before driving. The number of cars on the road in the mid-sixties stood at around the 5 million mark, and unbelievably they were responsible for a percentagebusting 2,000 deaths a year. Projections put together at the time estimated that, if left unchecked, the number of road deaths per year could spiral to nearly 1 million by the 1980s. The 1966 law change, which also saw the introduction of the dreaded breathalyser, was actually well ahead of its time, coming a full 17 years before the (arguably just as important) wearing of a seat belt became mandatory in 1983. Since records began in 1979 drink related road deaths are down an amazing 85%, currently standing at an average of 282* deaths per year. Even though that’s 282 deaths too many, it’s clear to see how far we’ve come. Cheers! * Source: Drinkaware, statistics 2010-2015 Read Darren’s blog at vinesight. me

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Brews and Eats

Small beer with a lotta bottle with Brewery Bird

In the dim and distant past, drinking water could quite easily kill you; which was why beer was drunk daily in homes, workplaces and even schools across the country. Traditionally brewed between 0.2-2.9% it became the staple drink of the 1700s until the advent of clean drinking water sometime in the 19th century. Table or Small beers (as these low alcohol beers are known) originated in Belgium where they were traditionally served with meals from big sharing bottles and were generally around 1.5-2.8% in strength – and for Belgian children, their first introduction to beer! Brewers have dabbled with Small or Table beers on and off over the years, but until recently, there really hasn’t been much of a market for very low alcohol beers in the UK. Traditionally, table beers would have been pretty weak flavoured, and making a low alcohol beer that packs even a girlie punch is really very challenging, even to the most experienced of brewers. This is due to the inescapable fact that generally speaking, body = flavour and body is created with

malt and more malt means more sugar to ferment which = more alcohol! (There’s a little more to it than that, but you get my drift). So brewers have had to get all experimental with alternatives such as wheat or oats for body, opting for flavour hops for aroma and taste, and even mouthfeel, as opposed to the bittering variety – bittering hops are ‘high alpha’ hops, (the bitterness comes from alpha acids which are found in the resin of the hop flowers) these are added early on in the brew during the ‘boil’ stage so the heat can break down the acid. Bittering hops do not contribute anything in terms of flavour and aroma – just the bitterness which we associate with the ‘bite’ towards the end of a mouthful of beer. Pricing low strength beers can be tricky – often peoples’ perception of a low ABV pint is that it should be cheaper to buy, but as outlined above, there are usually just as many if not more ingredients involved, in making these beers which obviously comes at a cost. So if you’re on a health kick, or just trying to cut down your alcohol

intake in general, Table beers could be just what the Doctor ordered, so to speak. . The good news is that more and more Table beers are appearing on bars and in bottles and cans, and this Bird, along with many in the industry, believe this isn’t just a passing fad, Check out a few of BB’s bottled faves so far: Kernel Table Beer 2.8-3% Kernel frequently uses different hops in this beer so one bottle could well be different from the next, but the light to medium body, crisp mouthfeel and hop punch certainly. Anspach & Hobday Table Porter 2.8% A very flavoursome porter and winner of CAMRA’s latest competition to find the best low AV beer under 3%. A choca, mocha, liquorice tasting stunner! Wiper & True Small Beer 2.7% A fusion of tropical fruit and berry flavours makes for a perfect afternoon quaffing beer Siren Half Mast 2.8% Pale and hazy with tropical notes followed by a blast of bitterness in the style of a much stronger IPA. How do they do it?

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Brews and Eats

The Peculiar Gin Company launches raunchy new drink Jezabel Words by Claire Dukes

I remember when I first got a taste for gin - whether or not that’s a high or low point is another story. Maybe it was my exposure to the scorching sun, - maybe it was because I was on board a yacht enjoying a crab salad that it made sense to keep up appearances - but for the life of me that gin and tonic felt like the most refreshing drink I have ever tasted. I don’t think there was anything particularly fancy about the brand, but over ice with a dash of tonic and some lemon? Heaven in the middle of the Irish sea. Since then I have been a loyal disciple of the stuff. Since my introduction to the spirit craft gins have only continued to offer more unique flavours and styles, and I was keen to see what the latest company on my radar, Peculiar Gin founded by Sara Witham and Lisa Flackm, have done to match their competitors.

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Brews and Eats What made you and Lisa decide to enter the gin industry? A mutual appreciation of gin, plus several years of events experience, we wanted to create a range of events that we would love to go to. I guess we are our own demographic! Where did the idea come from to theme the gin around a “Victorian lady of the night”? Jezabel was always the name as we both loved it, she just turned into this Victorian lady when we saw the first drafts of the branding, we

then made up a story about her. Some of the botanicals are really unusual and exotic so we thought she might have ‘worked’ in a port. What’s the perfect location and food pairing for Jezabel? We always say she’s best enjoyed with company, she probably won’t last long though! Perfect for a summer drink in the garden, easy to drink all night and no reported hangovers so far! We haven’t gone into food pairings yet but it’s something we would love to explore. Why would you recommend Jezabel? Jezabel is very much a crowd pleaser, the secret recipe means that one of the botanicals has undergone a brand new process which makes the gin taste thoroughly amazing. It’s light and sweet which is probably why so many people love it. It’s truly craft and extremely small batch so has been lovingly made too. Are there any plans for the future? Plans are to bring beautiful gin to the people! We have our Peculiar Gin Festival coming up on September 29 at the Platform in Swindon. This is going to be much more fun than your average Gin Fest. We’ve got peculiar entertainment, rocking bands, artists, hair stylists, delicious street food and a cocktail train carriage with our own peculiar mixologist. www.thepeculiargincompany.co.uk

What’s hiding up her skirt? Juniper Angelica Coriander seed Orris root Rowan berries

Grapefruit peel Lime peel Buchu leaf Plantain leaf Cubeb

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Brews and Eats Drugs, Nazis and lies: a history of fizzy drinks

by Ben Fitzgeald The next time you crack open your favourite carbonated can of pop - take a moment to think about the hidden and surprisingly dark history of fizzy sugar water. The first carbonated drinks were an attempt to produce imitation mineral water, popular at the time because of their supposed curative powers. In 1767, the first drinkable man-made glass of carbonated water was created by Englishman Doctor Joseph Priestley and three years later, Swedish chemist Torbern Bergman invented a way of mass producing fizzy water with apparatus that used sulphuric acid to liberate carbonated water from chalk. The consumption of flavoured ‘soft drinks’ took off in America where they were seen as a healthy alternative to alcohol and early US pharmacies with soda fountains grew in popularity and

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by the 1920s soft drinks enjoyed a boom in popularity both in Europe and the US. The most famous fizzy drink of them all was Coca Cola, invented by confederate Colonel John Pemberton who was wounded in the American Civil War and then became addicted to morphine. In an effort to wean himself off the painkiller, he was inspired to create Coca Wine nerve tonic, later called Coca-Cola which he boldly claimed cured morphine addiction, indigestion, nerve disorders, headaches, and even impotence - who knows, this might be true, given that up until 1929 the drink contained varying amounts of cocaine or perhaps it was just marketing fizz. Fanta, the fizzy orange drink, is almost as well known as Coke, but shares an equally troubling past. Coke had been hugely popular in Germany in the years leading up to the Second World War - with

the brand becoming one of the official sponsors of the 1936 Olympics in Berlin. With the outbreak of war, it became increasingly difficult to transport the key ingredients to Germany because of various embargoes on imports to the Nazi regime. In response the Coke company created Fanta, from the German Fantastisch, using fruit ingredients. Fanta proved popular in Germany but didn’t really make it to the world stage until the 1970s. And we’re not going to let 7-Up off the hook either - up until the 1950s, the drink contained lithium citrate, a mood-enhancer. But now of course all fizzy drinks are perfectly healthy for you… apart from all that sugar… or sweeteners or the bottling plants built on disputed land on the West Bank. Bring back the cocaine I say! Hoorah!

www.theocelot.co.uk

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the culture section Your 13 page guide to all that’s cultural in Ocelotshire and beyond

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Little Voice

Cirencester’s Barn Theatre presents...

Words by Claire Dukes

The Rise and Fall of Little Voice I once saw a postcard which said “Whenever I have a problem, I just sing, then I realise my voice is worse than my problem”. This could not be truer for me, but for The Barn Theatre’s current protagonist, Little Voice, it was quite the opposite. Last week saw the opening of The Barn Theatre’s final production for their inaugural season – The Rise and Fall of Little Voice. For their third and final choice I liked the meta take with this particular production, and it was a fresh and modernised twist on Jim Cartwright’s classic – it paralleled the original but successfully took strides of its own with relevant cultural references. With regards to the storyline we all know the saying ‘what goes up must come down’, and this is very true for Little Voice. The narrative follows ‘the fall from grace’ motif, and is not too dissimilar from typical showbiz

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tragedies (Edie Sedgewick, Gia Carangi, Amy Winehouse) – the cast of Little Voice come crashing down from a quick encounter with glitz and glamour to the stripped back ruins of reality. The Rise and Fall of Little Voice is very much a tale of shattered dreams which comes as a very abrupt turnaround for a daughter and her overbearing mother. The production itself is very touching. For those not familiar with the story, think of a very coy teenager who seeks solace in her late father’s record collection. Through music Little Voice is able to access a space of freedom where she can express herself freely – from hiding in her room to singing her heart out on stage, Sarah Louise Hughes did a magnificent job at capturing both extremes. Then we have Little Voice’s mother Mari (Gillian McCafferty. Mari’s a broken woman lost in her own sort of way but

fills the void with a bottle of booze. Her character, granted, is despicable but through wit she holds a certain northern charm – ignorant, but charming nonetheless. McCafferty was a captivating and larger than life presence as soon as she set foot on the stage, and through her tongue and cheek lingo she turned cheap chat into spoken word poetry. One of the most striking parts of this production is Little Voice’s debut. Sarah (Little Voice) gave a performance that made her seem as if she had a split personality, in the best kind of way. From singing the songs of Shirley Bassey and Marilyn Monroe, to Judy Garland and Billie Holliday, this was a triumphant performance given by Hughes – she shows such range in her vocal abilities as well as diverse capabilities in her acting skills. She’s definitely one to watch and definitely stole the show.

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Words by Claire Dukes

Fred, Ted, Jack & Harold

Swindon playwright slays a killer production Have you ever thought about the people, living or dead, who you’d like to have dinner with? Well, imagine that but it was a dinner party specifically for serial killers – and instead of dinner it was employees working in a dead-end job in an office. Last month saw the curtain rise on playwright Matt Fox’s latest production: Fred Ted Jack & Harold. Having an idea of what I was walking into I was incredibly intrigued to not only see the re-enactments of some of the world’s most notorious killers, but also how they would tie in with an office environment – turns out it’s a fresh take on office politics meets psycho killers. Fred Ted Jack & Harold has edge, dark humour, quick wit, flawless stage transitions and unending misery. What I like about Fox’s rendition is that he was able to reign in on my, and I’m sure many others, distain for corporate environments – the mundane tasks and unjust management hierarchies. Not only did the cast break into the behavioural codes of mass murderers Ted Bundy (Steve Cowley), Jack the Ripper (Molly Campbell), Fred West (Peter Hynds), Myra Hindley (Heather Cowley), Harold Shipman (Andy Cunningham), and Liz Báthory (Sarah Bostock), but they also played into office stereotypes whilst managing to integrate certain character traits of the murderous ensemble through sinister humour. Although the play took a while to get into, – suggestively could pull together tighter – it presented some interesting thoughts to take away which got me thinking. For instance, the studies into psychopaths in the work place and how in some ways they’re actually seen to be beneficial – think about it, the success of a billionaire businessman doesn’t come from having empathy. But on the wider scale it was an interesting angle to draw comparisons between hell and the workplace, using these specific characters to drive the notion of it as a ‘punishment’ – the very nature of the environment as being akin to eternal damnation. The cast played off each other fluidly, and it was somewhat surreal to see a murderous gang moaning about menial office tasks. Steve Cowley (Ted Bundy) here was a highlight as he carried a certain finesse and charm throughout, and his character only grew from there – every line and action were delivered in a way which allowed him to come off very naturally. He owned it well. Another was Sarah Bostock (Liz Báthory) who gave off a combination of Will & Grace’s Karen Walker and Harry Potter’s Dolores Umbridge – it enabled her power stance to completely embody the office bitch as well as psychotic murderer. A killer combination. All in all Fred Ted Jack & Harold brought something fresh and sadistically entertaining to the stage.

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Comedy

Sara Pascoe: she’s havin

• Sara, what is your show LadsLadsLads about? Why is it described as a ‘thinking person’s stag-do? It’s sometimes hard to summarise what a show is aboutbut I wanted to give people the sense that it is fun and celebratory - but rather than about being about to get married - the exact opposite. Having fun, trying new things in a way of being braver and more self-reliant. Some of my shows in the past have had serious aspects, theories and research and this one is lighter. It’s like a party, except only I get to talk and you have to sit there watching me. • Are you excited or daunted by going back on tour? I love going on tour. I love our nation, I love rainy days up north and cold evenings by the seaside. It’s a luxury to get to travel for one’s job and it’s still a novelty for me. Ask me again in twenty years! • You’re touring from September to end of November. Do you see the show developing throughout the tour? As my comedy is personal there are always updates, this show develops with recent escapades - my friends can persuade me to do anything by saying “you’ll get 5 minutes out of it”. That’s why I was recently tricked into watching a West Ham football match and seeing the film IT. They were both equally scary and I got exactly zero minutes out of them.

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• Tell us about your new book Sex Power Money out next spring. It’s about porn and sex work from a historical and evolutionary perspective. I am taking biology and the plasticity of human sexuality into account, and also laying out the whole spectrum of arguments in the debate about these aspects of our society. I’m also trying to explore power dynamics in sexual exchanges which are not as clearly defined as paying for sex - things like men paying for dinner, the abuse by powerful, rich men such as Weinstein and Trump. But with jokes as with my last book, Animal. Talking about serious, important stuff - but keeping it accessible and stimulating rather than hectoring. • Did the experience of writing a book change the way you approach comedy? Writing a book has changed my stand up, I think I’m funnier now because I can spend more time with ideas for the books, after a day’s writing doing a gig is a release. I only want to be silly, and it doesn’t feel as selfish if that makes sense? Comedy feels like a child’s job, you can’t believe you’re getting paid to do it. But there are huge things going on in the world and sometimes you feel a responsibility because you’ve a mic in your hand.

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Pascoe talks to The Ocelot ahead of her LadsLadsLads tour Multi-award-winning comedian Sara Pascoe has announced that her smash hit Edinburgh Fringe and complete sell out West End show LadsLadsLads will tour the UK this autumn. Tickets are on sale now. l She will be appear at Swindon’s Wyvern Theatre on October 3 and Oxford Playhouse on November 8. www.sarapascoe.com . But now my responsible side which cares about the state of the world can go into book writing and stand up can be a distraction from that. • Tell us about your recent Radio 4 series Modern Monkey where you explore our modern social world, did you enjoy the research involved? Yes. I wish it had been more scientific and I could’ve done more research - but I kept being reminded it was supposed to be a comedy show and I had to write jokes about things. We recorded the show at several museums and I was so interested to visit and learn - especially the Foundling Museum - something I knew nothing about. Such a tragic thing - mothers giving away their children because they cannot afford to support them. • Do you think the world of comedy has changed much since you started? I think audiences are changing and that directly influences the acts. Comedy used to be a crueller place, and while there is still lots of that kind of stuff (and lots of people who love it) there is a lot more diversity now. And I hope that continues, live comedy is flourishing within an economic downturn and that is because the people making jokes are from a much wider spectrum.

Their experiences are fresh and exciting and audiences want that. It’s not the individual cis, white, able bodied man’s fault that historically, comedy clubs were so reliant on stereotype and tropes, but only one type of person’s reality was being reflected and I’m glad that’s improving. • Do you have a career highlight? Is there a moment you stopped and thought, wow, this is just incredible? Getting to write books is a massive privilege. Whenever I do a book signing, that for me is a “pinch myself” moment. Also selling out a West End run - those theatres are an absolute joy to play and it felt like a victory lap. I felt so much love for every person in the audience and wanted to kiss and hug everyone. I am a failed actor, didn’t get into drama school all of that malarkey. So getting to be in the West End was so special to me, a validation. • What’s next for you following the tour? I’d like to go do some stand up in America, and hopefully do some writing for TV. And another play. And I want to get a dog. And then more adventures so I can write another show Sara Pascoe is touring LadsLadsLads Sunday 16th September – Wednesday 28th November 2018 www.sarapascoe.com

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Henley Festival: messing Ocelot deputy editor Ben Fitzgerald spent 20 minutes looking at YouTube videos attempting to tie a real bow tie before heading out to the Henley Festival for a long weekend of surreal sights, comedy, deep fried squid, celebrity chat, funk and jazz.

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ou know you have stepped through the magic wardrobe full of fur coats when you emerge from a tent to bump into a man pushing an antique pram full of cigars that he is offering for £50 a go. Wafting through a crowd of the most beautifully dressed and beautifully spoken people - you saunter beside the river with a cone of deep fried squid like some Bohemian count jacked up on laudanum and absinthe while a trio of silver clad women with lampshades for heads slowly weave their way past you and disappear from view. Then you catch a glimpse of someone you recognise… it’s flipping Johnny Ball, star of 1970s children’s TV and father of Zoe Ball, ex-wife of Fatboy Slim… that’s who! I tell him he’s one of my childhood heroes and mention that he parked outside my house once and then we

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part ways, leaving him baffled and me glowing with joy. This all happened to me shortly after being invited backstage to chat to former power ballad legend turned jazz crooner Curtis Stigers. “I can’t speak, I’m so tired..” he admits as he downs coffee to jumpstart his jetlagged brain. We talk briefly about his music, how happy he is to have put pop stardom behind him and why jazz is his new thing. But soon we’re talking about how strangely wonderful Henley is. “I can’t get used to all these people wandering around in their sharp threads - it’s the only event where I’m worse dressed than my audience.” And then he clocks my bow tie - a real one - which took me a full 20 minutes of swearing and internet based videos to remind myself how to tie. “It looks pretty good man.. It’s

meant to look a bit lopsided and untidy, that’s how you know it’s a real one.” I think he was being incredibly polite. I had my doubts about Henley, the idea of a strict dress code made me a little nervous that the whole thing would be like a Rotary meeting beside a river, with Nile Rodgers and Chic engaged in a futile bid to inject even a little funk into the proceedings. Far from it - the whole event turned out to be a total blast, small enough to be able to get around while wearing patent leather Chelsea boots or high heels but extensive enough to provide a range of simultaneous diversions - there’s comedy from the likes of Paul Merton, headlining music acts on the floating stage and strange and beautiful theatre as you wander. If you fancy a change from mud and irritating teenagers consider next year’s Henley Festival a viable option.

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sing about by the river

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Photo credit Matt Crockett

Hot theatre picks for the month ahead Words by Claire Dukes

It’s still festival season but if you’re more of a theatre fan then you’re in luck - theatres across our three regions have some fabulous productions upcoming for the month of August. I won’t lie, having seen the autumn agendas for some of my favourite theatres I’m for once excited for September. This being said four particular productions have caught my eye and they look like the perfect shows to close the curtain on the summer season.

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www.theocelot.co.uk

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Tiddler and Other Terrific Tales

Oxford Playhouse, August 22 to August 25 “Four terrific tales - one superb show!” Live music, puppetry and the reimagining of four popular children’s books bring together a piece of theatre for the whole family. According to Timeout it’s “A room of children laughing hysterically from start to finish, all totally mesmerised by the action.” For tickets visit www.oxfordplayhouse.com

Our House In Town

Oxford New Theatre - Friday August 24 After a successful run at Rosewood London Dusty Limits will be bringing his evening of jazz, acrobatics, opera and magic to Oxford this month in the lavish setting of Oxford New Theatre’s Piano Bar. Apparently it’s “as much a house party as a floor show” and an immersive night at the theatre. www.atgtickets.com

No Man’s an Island

Arts at the Old Fire Station, Oxford August 29 to September 1 Writer and poet Richard Mitchell is bringing a story of friendship, humanity and tragedy to the stage. No Man’s an Island explores the friendship between controversial playwright George Bernard Shaw and the World Heavyweight Boxing Champion, Gene Tunney. www.oldfirestation.org.uk

The Rise and Fall of Little Voice

The Barn Theatre, Cirencester - August 1 to August 4 Reviving Jim Cartwright’s Olivier awardwinning classic, The Barn Theatre are ending their inaugural season with The Rise and Fall of Little Voice. It’s a story with highs and lows but bringing audiences the sounds of Marilyn Monroe, Judy Garland and Billie Holliday. www.barntheatre.org.uk

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Swindon Zine Fest August 18 Central Community Centre Words by Claire Dukes

Print isn’t dead! Zines are almost like the tapes of the music world - there’s certainly a niche market for them, but they’re still here and making their mark. The earliest zine can be traced back to the 1930s. Unlike magazines, like say The Ocelot, zines are self-published and distributed on a smaller circulation, predominantly targeting a particular audience or subject matter - feminist pop culture, platforms for promoting specific musicians, music genres and artists. Ultimately, since booming in the 1980’s punk rock era, zines made their mark by embodying a collaborative sense of community and have continued to infiltrate many sub cultures. Two people who still strongly believe zines are still as relevant as ever are James Purvis

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and Julie Goth, who are organising Swindon’s first Zine Fest next month. Is Swindon ready for such a thing? Of course it is. “We’re keen to see it happen here,” James explained “We want to be a part of the grassroots movement which we believe is in Swindon. When Julie and I got talking we realised this has potential.” One of the brilliant things about zines is that because they are self-published, they aren’t bound by the same corporate ties that commercial magazines often are. As such, zines come in all different agendas and movements. James continued: “We want to give a voice to people in marginalised communities - zines have been, and are still used, to publish the faces of women who have been erased. “Julie and I both have a passion to make sure these marginalised voices are heard. Although zines maybe niche, the community around them is really strong, and it falls outside the remit of traditional publishing. Swindon Zine Fest is free to attend and will be taking place at Swindon’s Central Community Centre, August 18, from 1pm to 6pm. As well as showcasing creative talent there will also be printing workshops taking place throughout the day. James added: “We’re looking for the Swindon Zine Fest to grow over time - we’re so excited!“ Visit @swindonzinefest for more information.

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David Walliams to headline Marlborough LitFest Words by Claire Dukes

Back for its ninth year, Marlborough LitFest has released the programme for its most anticipated event. Marlborough LitFest consists of more than 30 events over four days which includes talks from authors, writing workshops and open mic poetry. One of the headlining events this year will be led by David Walliams in talks about his selection of children’s books. LitFest Committee member Kay Newman said: “We’ve asked him for years and finally he said yes. “Big names are fantastic but the smaller ones are a surprise - I think they’re the ones who are the hidden gems. “We focus on good writing and supporting young writers.” LitFest Organiser Francesca Del Mar added: “It’s a small fest but it’s growing each year we try and do something for everyone and everyone leaves inspired. We call it the ‘home of good writing’.” Marlborough LitFest 2018 will be taking place from September 27 to Sepetmber 30. For the full programme visit www.marlboroughlitfest.org

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Gig Monkey Gig Monkey Reviews the latest music releases

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By Ed Dyer

the country.

Alphabet Backwards – Friends Lovers and Empty Beds LP

Dead Royalties – Phantom Hearts EP It has been far too long since

This is one of those releases that comes out of the blocks like Usain Bolt and hits you straight away with a sucker punch of sonic intent. It then keeps going with a relentless invasion of your ears of catchy melodies, clever song writing and interesting production. Unashamedly pop, this is a collection of songs that would be as home in the Top 10 as they would be on stage at a painfully cool boutique festival. There really is nothing to pick as a fault, a weak point or a disappointment. If you like intelligent, emotive but uplifting and fun pop music then this is something you really need to listen to. If you don’t, get a grip of yourself and give it a go, as there is probably something here for everyone. Blindingly good stuff proving once again that Oxford is the Indie-Pop capital of

Wiltshire art-punks Dead Royalties released any new material. But, finally the prodigal band return, and man have we missed them. Their initial EP and single releases showed what masters of punky, mathy rock pop tunes they were, and this reinforces that with some menace. The issues experienced by the band that led to the silent period have obviously all been resolved, and the pent-up frustration has been released with some vigour in this collection – it rocks harder than they ever had but walks that fine line of melody and accessibility with some aplomb. A very welcome return indeed. Lucy Leave – Look / Listen LP I have been looking forward to this since I first heard Oxford’s favourite Jazz/Grunge punks last year. And boy oh boy it doesn’t

disappoint. Angular, obstinate and challenging to listen to, this is absolute audio manna to a man raised on a diet of Sonic Youth, Pixies, and The Kinks (History Teacher could easily be a Ray Davies penned tune, but one that has been put through a hedge backwards). These are tunes so contradictory and contrary they make you want to move and groove but shake time signatures up so much you end up looking like you are having 240 volts applied to sensitive areas. Raw, rough and uncouth, yet totally in control of what they are, there is something very special and unique about Lucy Leave that you can’t ignore.

The King in Mirrors - Song Long Serenade EP Now pretty much a Rich May solo project, The King in Mirrors have been responsible for some of the best and most interesting Indie-Pop to come out of Swindon for years, and this EP continues that trend. Yes, it is proudly old-school 90’s jangle-pop influenced, but when you have tunes this enjoyably light and airy, that is not anything to be ashamed of, and this collection is probably the best group of songs that May has composed in recent years, both musically and lyrically and the performances are up there with his best too. Well worth a listen.

www.theocelot.co.uk

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Swindon Shuffle

Until next year, Swindon Shuffle... Words by Claire Dukes

That was a really good weekend - four days of more than 40 musicians and artists. I think when some people hear “free event” they assume that this will immediately lower the quality of the whole thing. This was not the case at Swindon Shuffle. In fact, many frequent Shufflegoers have proclaimed this year’s Shuffle as “the best one yet”. The line-up was fantastic with a really good balance of acts - the relics, the up and coming, and the brand-new acts - and over the course of the weekend it really had a festival vibe to it. Performance wise it seemed that every musician and band upped their game. The sets were short but sweaty with a lot of high energy darting around - it felt a bit more upscale and gave the Shuffle a new lease of life.

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To be honest there was quite an exciting feel to the whole thing, but admittedly come Sunday, when the old hair of the dog just stopped working altogether, I had the glorious excuse of it being my mother’s birthday and tagged myself out. Luckily Ocelot editor Jamie took one for the team as our man in the mosh. We’ve had a few quarrels over highlights of the Shuffle, but one thing we could agree on was Wasuremono. These guys were one of the highlights of every single Shuffle, with a set at The Vic on Saturday that showed that the Bradford-UponAvon band belong now on the national stage rather than local. If you missed them, you’ll probably have to shell out a good few quid to catch them again especially after securing themselves as the support act for The Flaming Lips. Then there was weird and wonderful SexJazz,

who headlined The Beehive on Saturday night to a packed crowd with a set that was chaos personified to a very sweaty room. But strong sets also came from Shuffle newbies like the nightmare pop five-piece Flour Babies who kicked off the Shuffle on the Thursday at The Castle, the ridiculously polished and soothing melodies of Palm Rose at The Victoria, and the infectious riffs of The Compact Pussycat at The Castle. I was meant to run over to see SN Dubstation but not being much of an athlete with a drink still in my hand I stayed for The Harlers set on the Friday, and I’m so glad I did - they headlined The Victoria and absolutely smashed it! Such an electric performance. With a dynamic range of musical sounds and talents the bar has been raised significantly higher for next year, and I’m really looking forward to it.

www.theocelot.co.uk

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Swindon Shuffle

Slagerji - photo by Justin Smythe

The Harlers

Photo by Justin Smythe

Flour Babies - photo by Justin Smythe

The Oxymora - photo by Shot by Brock

Photo by Tony Ashdown

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Music News

Music for the month ahead Words by Claire Dukes

Everyone have a good time at Truck Festival? Yeah that one fell right on deadline for us, but the line-up looked awesome and so far the reviews are all good. But onwards and upwards to the month ahead - it’s still festival season and there’s still some great acts out on the circuits. Some are from our ends, some a little north and others from across the way. Exciting things are coming up this month...

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Music News

The Oxymora / Palm Rose

Ari Roar

The Victoria, Swindon, August 9

The Jericho Tavern, Oxford, August 14

Two of my favourite performances from Swindon Shuffle were from Palm Rose and The Oxymora. Although both are new bands, they came to the stage quickly surpassing the beginners stage. It’s gonna be a good one. It’s a triple tier of dream pop, grunge and gloom. Free entry. www.thevicswindon.com

The solo artists and dream boat from Dallas is heading out on warm up shows leading up to Green Man. A much gentler War on Drugs/Kurt Vile vibe and dare I say resonates with The Beatles - beautiful soothing indie sounds. Tickets £6. www.heavypop.co.uk

Reverend Peyton’s Big Damn Band

The Night Cafe

Arlington Arts Centre, Newbury, August 23

O2 Academy, Oxford, September 25

Southern Indiana-bred singer-guitarist Reverend Peyton is the bigger-than-life frontman of Reverend Peyton’s Big Damn Band. He has earned a reputation as both a singularly compelling performer and a persuasive evangelist for the rootsy country blues styles that captured his imagination early in life. www.arlington-arts.com

The Night Café have returned with new track ‘Turn’. ‘Turn’ is the second cut to come from the Liverpool outfit’s much-anticipated second EP, due out in early 2018 via Kobalt, and follows ‘Felicity’. From The Bullingdon to the O2 these guys are only going up. www.barntheatre.org.uk

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Agony Girl Five year old Amy is looking forward to starting school again but she still finds time to do Agony Girl. We ask her the questions and these are her answers.... honest! Dear Amy, I have this horrible rash on my leg and it won’t go away. I think it’s spreading. It’s so itchy but every time I scratch the blasted thing it gets worse. What should I do? Grant, Swindon You should go to the doctor and say please can you help me. You should leave it and not scratch it. When will it be Hallowe’en? Dear Amy, I’m a bit confused. What’s the difference between ‘would’ and ‘wouldn’t’? Donald, Helsinki It’s not the same word. So would means just like a log and ‘wouldn’t’ means I don’t want to go to the wooden house. Dear Amy, How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Vladmir, Moscow I don’t know what a chuck chuck is. Dear Amy, How much wood wouldn’t a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck couldn’t chuck wood? Theresa, London You just have to chop down trees. Dear Amy, I’m at my wit’s end. My teenage son is constantly rude, shouts at me and is never home. How can I get him to be a good boy? Roseanne, Oxford You just tell him and stand him in the corner and

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tidy your room. And be nice to him and get him something so he does that. Dear Amy, At school, there’s this boy who wants to be my friend. But we all know that boys are just smelly poofaces. How can I get him to go away? Abigail, Salisbury Just run away from him and hide. Everybody knows that boys are smelly poofaces except for my daddy so just hide from him until he goes away. Dear Amy, I’m a bit confused. They say the world is round but it looks flat from where I’m standing. Is it flat or round? Mad Max, Newbury Flat. Because it was made like that and otherwise we would fall off. Dear Amy, What’s your favourite colour? Helga, Oslo Purple because it is kind of lilacy.

Write in to Agony Girl by emailing jamie@theocelot.co.uk

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