Hidden Heroes

You won’t find their names on any memorial, yet military caregivers often perform heroic acts of sacrifice in the lives of the veterans they love. Newly selected Dole Caregiver Fellow Carol Snider shares some of the joys and challenges in the life of a military caregiver.

By Kathie Dalton, Veterans News Magazine

It has been a long road, but Carol Snider is excited about the new role she has as a Dole Caregiver Fellow.

Dole Caregiver Fellows are military caregivers, carefully selected each year from across to the country to represent the Elizabeth Dole Foundation, its Hidden Heroes campaign and caregivers as a whole.

Each class consists of approximately 50 people, who come from different backgrounds but share similar stories of struggle and resilience. They care for scars that are both visible and invisible.

For Snider, the role of caregiver is one she has taken on for over 45 years, and she is excited to be embarking on this new journey.

“It validated that I wasn’t nuts,” she said with a laugh. “There was a time when I thought it was all my fault. It can’t be this hard. But it is. That was a big ‘Aha’ for me.”

Snider’s husband, Randy, was a Marine interpreter in Vietnam, and she speaks with us about his service.

“I knew him before he went in the service. He was really smart,” she said. “When he came home he was functioning very well.”

Carol married Randy in 1970 despite his serious injuries from serving in Vietnam. Randy was a strong Marine. He was young and very bright. At that time, the only noticeable injury was the loss of his left eye.

About four years into her marriage, Carol noticed signs that didn’t make sense to her.

“We bounced around. It was a nightmare,” she said. “They even blocked me from going to appointments with him. No one said, ‘Oh, you’re a caregiver.’”

Military caregiver Carol Snider is pictured with her husband, Randy, a Marine veteran, at the Edward C. Allworth Veterans' Home in Lebanon, where he now lives. Snider was recently selected to serve a two-year term as a Dole Caregiver Fellow, a prestigious role in which she will serve as an advocate for and representative of military caregivers across the country.

After reading an article in 1980 about a hospital in Portland that was doing new brain injury evaluations, Carol had Randy evaluated — at their own expense. He was in the Progressive Rehab Associates program for a full year. She worked with Sen. Ron Wyden for two years in efforts to get the evaluation paid for by the VA.

It was then that Carol began to identify as a caregiver. She had few friends.

“It left me in an odd spot.” she said. “Nobody really gets it unless they’ve lived it. Being a caregiver is very isolating.”

After many years of Carol’s advocacy at the VA, Randy was diagnosed with cognitive deficits from a traumatic brain injury. The next years were the worst for Carol. Randy was 100 percent service-connected and unemployable. They had two girls, and she had to play the role of both parents, running the house and in charge of three other lives.

“After fifteen years, I hit a wall,” she said. “After two emotional episodes, I realized I needed to put myself first. I had PTSD from dealing with this constant fight.”

Carol had no interest in a divorce, so she purchased a duplex and installed Randy in one side, with her and her daughters on the other side. She was finally able to breathe. Randy had caregivers, and at age 50, Carol was able to earn her master’s in counseling and open a private practice.

Randy now lives in the Edward C. Allworth Veterans’ Home in Lebanon, which opened in 2014.

Being selected as a fellow is “kind of a swan song,” she said. “We are both 70 years old. I feel like this is a good wrap-up to what I’ve been doing for 45 years. Randy thinks it is wonderful. He is happy to tell everyone about me.”

Never one to shy away from big projects, Snider is using her new position to develop a guide on transferring your loved one from home care to a nursing home. She hopes the Dole Foundation will eventually use the guide for webinars and training.

“I want to be that person that caregivers can count on to listen and help when possible,” she said. “I hope to encourage caregivers to practice self-care and take time for themselves. And finally, I hope to help other caregivers with navigating the system to get the help that they might need and improve state and national laws to benefit caregivers and veterans.”

In addition to her work with the foundation, Snider is excited about opportunities for travel and special projects. She frequently makes presentations to various brain injury groups and is the co-chair of the Family Council at the Oregon Veterans’ Home in Lebanon.

For more information about and resources for military caregivers, please visit ODVA’s website at www.oregon.gov/odva/Resources/ Pages/Caregivers.aspx, and the Dole Foundation’s hiddenheroes.org.