Ianuarius

Nico Willman // senior dramatic monologue

Oh, the irony!

I am Janus, the God of change... I ebb and flow the tides of transition with my movement like a dance. I have raised and crumbled empires with my hands laid bare, I have changed the course of human history with but a mere thought.

With my gift of foresight, I have bore witness to the beginning of time. I have unlocked the gates of heaven for Jupiter himself! And I have also seen the end of all things, and the fate of humanity is but a fleeting moment in the grand scheme of my eternity.

And yet, I remain unsatisfied, for my life is forever stagnant. I gaze into the mirror of time, and I see none but clouded emotion, for I am unable to find meaning in the changes I bring. I am Janus, the two-faced god, and yet, I have no face. I can see all beginnings and ends, and yet, I cannot see my own. I am eternal and unchanging, and yet, I long for change. My contradictions obsess me. I have been a spectator to human affairs, and I have observed the beauty and destruction they create. I have seen true love burn like the Library of Alexandria. It is humanity and their tiny perspectives which imbue the emotionless cosmos with beauty.

Yet fate has moved my hand to kill the guilty and innocent alike. Kings, Queens, Emperors and Pharaohs have lived and died within their illusion of significance, and yet, I am unchanged. I am barred from participating in the history I influence.

What are these experiences worth, then, if they do not change me? I long to be human, to feel the joy of a new beginning and the sorrow of an end. I long to experience the beauty of love and the pain of loss. I long to live uncertainly, clouded by my own perception, and find meaning from it.

I am left to ponder the purpose of my existence. For what is the point of changing the world, if it cannot change me? Life breaths and becomes beautiful for a time. The seasons sway as that life dies and rots in the Earth, and I experience it all, and I am unchanged. Oh, Jupiter, renounce me! Take my eternity from my tired hands and pass my burden to another. Let me love, let me suffer, let me live!

But alas, the irony is not lost on me. The God of change wants to change, Ha! My own desires are futile. I, Janus, cannot change. I resign to continue my watch over humanity, forever trapped in my own stagnation, forever longing for that which I cannot have.

pen, marker, and graphite

Sekou Sesay // junior