Deadbeat

Cadence Schapker // junior letter

Dear Dad,

Where have you been?

… Is what I’d ask if I hadn’t known the truth. Because I know where you’ve been, and I know where you are. I know you have a family that you stayed with. I know you married that woman, I know you have a little boy and I know you have a little girl who wears my face.

I wonder how much you know about me.

I wonder if you know that my favorite color is green. If you know that I sing and play the ukulele. I wonder if you know that I love art. Oh yeah, you sent me those paintbrushes when I was, like, 12? Props to you! But it’s okay if you forgot, because Mom knows.

Mom knows that my favorite color actually isn’t green, because she knows my favorite color depends on what the color is being used for. Mom knows that I’m a soprano, I play the ukulele, and that I’ve been learning about piano. She knows that I love art but never have time to paint.

But Mom doesn’t just know things about me, she knows me, because she raised me when you didn’t want to.

She loved me when you didn’t. She provided for me when you didn’t. She fought like hell to raise me right, and you didn’t.

So how can you tell me you love me when you never have? It just doesn’t make sense.

What does make sense is how Josh loves me, because he loves Mom.

How Josh played volleyball with me when you didn’t. How he read over my essays for school when you didn’t. How he fought like hell to be in my life, and you just didn’t.

I don’t give you the right to love me, Clayton. Because you didn’t love me, and you never have, because you don’t even know me.

I hope you’re doing alright, because I’m doing a lot better without you.

With regards, Cadence.