The Trouble with Complications by Abbie Doll

Your Car’s Extended Warranty

by Jeanette Smith

“Hello?”

“Yes—yes, we’ve been trying to reach you about your car’s extended warranty,” I finally said in a single quick breath over the headset I had donned three hours ago. It was my first person to pick up, and I was grinning at the prospect of finally helping someone. “I don’t have time for this. This is a scam.”

“I assure you, it’s not a scam. We’re trying to help.”

“Oh yeah, help steal my identity is what you’re doing. No thanks.”

I could practically hear the man’s finger hovering over the end call button. “No, wait!” I shouted. I didn’t hear the click of a disconnection, so I kept speaking. “It’s not about the warranty,” I said in a hushed tone.

Silence. And then…

“What do you mean?” the man said.

“I mean I’m not really selling car warranties. Just stay on the line and let me explain.”

Another moment of silence. “You’ve got two minutes.”

“Sir,” I began reading the script from the computer screen. “Welcome to your personal genie service. We’re here to make your wishes come true.”

“Kid, I don’t have time for jokes just like I don’t have time for scams.”

“It’s not a joke. Tell me, what do you need right now?”

“Huh?”

“What do you need? What do you wish you had right now?”

“Well…I, uh… I wish I could find a job quicker than it’s been going.”

I typed his wish into the first box and hit the enter key. “Done.”

“What do you mean, done?”

“Check your email.”

I could hear grumbling on the other side as the man sat heavily in a chair and began typing. I waited patiently.

“Well, I’ll be,” the man finally spoke up.

“And your second wish, sir?” I smiled again.

“Now hold on. It could just be coincidence that I got a job offer while we were on the phone.”

“The best way to find out if you’re right is to make another wish,” I replied. “Right. Er, okay. I wish…ooo, ooo. I wish to find love.”

I thought about this one for a few seconds before typing the directive into the second box. “Okay, sir. In two days’ time, I want you to open up your dating app and swipe no until you see a ‘Jessica.’ Swipe yes to her and get your flirt on because she’s going to be the love of your life.” I snapped my fingers for emphasis despite being on the phone with the man.

“Woot, woot!” I could hear him hollering in the background.

“And your third wish?” I was wiggling in my seat with excitement at how well my first real call was going.

“Money.” The man laughed and continued, “I want to be rich.”

My smile reached from ear to ear. “Of course, sir. As a disclaimer, I am not allowed to supply currency in rubles, bonds, or crypto.”

“Yes, that’s fine, fine.”

“Okay, how much do you want? I need to enter an exact number into the computer.” “How about a hundred-million dollars?” he stated with a gleeful squeal.

“Perfect, and I’ll just need your checking account information to send your transfer.” In his excitement, he rattled off his banking information, and I typed the numbers into my form.

“Thank you, sir.” I grinned. “You have a wonderful day now. May all your future wishes come true.” I disconnected the line and saved the man’s banking information to the database. He’d be cleaned out in a matter of minutes.

Beaming with pride in my success, I wondered if the next person to pick up would be so easy to con.