Seasons of change

text: melissa tydell painting: caitlin connolly writer and entrepreneur, melissa tydell, shares her own story of risk and reward as she steps out of her comfort zone to realize her dreams.

In today’s world of technology, fame and overnight success, it can be easy to forget that the decision to follow your passion is only the first step on a long journey, a journey that cannot be measured in hours, days, or weeks.

Creating a sense of fulfillment and cultivating inspiration is a process that involves dedication and patience. And it requires time — years of time, seasons full of growth, evolution, change.

Winter

Stories about snow days, new babies, first kisses. Stories illustrated with crayons and colored pencils. I’ve been writing since I was four years old. But after college graduation and five years in the corporate world as a magazine advertising buyer, I yearn to pursue my passion. It’s the editorial and the content inside those publications that holds my true interest, that captivates and inspires me. I’m in the middle of a master’s program in writing and publishing, but I have no desire to move to New York and start as an unpaid intern at a big national magazine.

On a wintery Wednesday evening in downtown Chicago, after a busy day at work, I head to an event hosted by Chicago Women in Publishing (CWIP), weighed down with my coat, purse, bag, and a million things to do. I listen to the keynote speaker and the panel discussion, scrawl notes and stuff handouts into my notebook. By the end of the evening, I feel as if my future is so clear — my own freelance writing business.

Freelancing means flexibility: I can take on a range of projects from light and fun to in-depth and serious. I can work with clients at all types of businesses, publications and websites. I can manage my workload, stay challenged, and do what I love — write.

Spring

Armed with the checklist I received at the CWIP event, I quickly put my plan into motion. I choose a name for my business — Melrose Street Custom Content — and register as a Limited Liability Company (LLC). I contact a woman I know from high school about designing a logo and business cards. I set up a simple website through Google Sites and establish a Facebook page.

Of course I’m nervous. Here I am, setting up all these pieces, but there is no way to know what will happen. Will I be able to find assignments and clients? Every step is new to me and takes research. I keep moving forward, refusing to lose momentum. It feels right. I can hear it in my voice, feel it in my heart, when I talk about my plans and ideas with my husband, my parents, my sisters, my friends. Everything is new and fresh, the promise of growth and a bright future ahead.

Once the basics are in place, I send out an email to friends and family. I post an announcement on my blog and on Facebook. I am in business.

Summer

Life is busy. I want to focus on my writing, give my business a chance, reach out to potential clients and build up my portfolio. But each day presents new deadlines at work, meetings, and emergency client requests. Our social schedule is booked, and I don’t want to give anything up. And with fall approaching, grad school classes are about to start again.

As the summer swelters on, I feel frustrated because I know what I want to do, but I can’t find time to do it. The part of my life that I am most willing to give up is my full-time job. But that, along with my husband’s paycheck, pays the bills and my tuition and our mortgage. It affords us the opportunity to go out to dinner, meet up for drinks with friends, buy lattes and new shoes, travel to see my family in Kansas.

Beyond that, I have a feeling there may be some concern with conflict of interest. Sure, I assume

I can’t pitch stories to the same publications in which I purchase advertising for my clients, but what else? I meet with Human Resources. They advise me not to pursue freelancing while I work at the agency, to avoid any possible legal issues or conflicts. Nothing.

I can’t be a freelance writer unless I quit.

Autumn

After a good cry, a lot of questions and disbelief, I have to figure out my next steps. I talk to my husband and my family. We pull out the calculator, look at our savings and our expenses, think about options to supplement our income and ways to cut back, consider what’s possible.

Right before Thanksgiving, I put in my notice. I can barely sleep the night before. After five and a half years at the same company, five and a half years of going to the same office every workday, gaining experience on numerous accounts, building relationships with my teams and clients and sales representatives, earning a promotion — after all of that, I am leaving. I have to leave, to shed a part of me, so I can move forward.

Thankfully, my managers are supportive, though they are sad to see me go. It feels surreal. Even though we all have times when we want to say “I quit,” I am actually doing it. I’m not leaving for another job with a salary and benefits, with set hours and a specific job description. I’m letting go of security and taking a leap of faith. I’m going to be a freelance writer and a business owner.

It’s scary. But when I am alone and back in my office after giving my notice, in that quiet moment, I know it is right. I count the days, wrap up my projects as much as possible, clean out my office. And it is over.

Winter

During the holidays, I enjoy family time, gifts, food, and all the traditions. But then, I get or- ganized and dive into marketing my writing. With the new year, I start living out my plan: nannying during the day, class two nights a week plus homework, and my business in every spare moment in between. I sleep five or six hours a night instead of my usual seven or eight. I find pockets of time to do work — during the baby’s naps, between nannying and class, before bed. Each night, I collapse into bed, kiss my husband goodnight, and know that no matter how hard it is, I am pursuing my dream. And when I receive my first paid project, I feel a sense of hope and the excitement of knowing this is what I’m meant to do.

I don’t always know what to do next, but I keep working, pushing, trying. I figure if I take action, I can’t fall behind and I can’t become paralyzed with fear. Yes, the fear of rejection is strong, but I can’t succeed as a writer without confronting the occasional “no.” So I hold onto the mantra I am who I am. I can’t second-guess myself or take things personally; I can only be authentic and try my best.

It’s been a year now since I was inspired to take a risk and start my own business.

In the fast pace of life, with our growing to-do lists and expanding email inboxes, it’s easy to let each day come and go, ride the highs and lows, and simply take on the next-closest challenge. But it’s in looking back that we can see the real growth — and the amazing possibilities that lie ahead in the unknown.

Some days, I feel powerful and strong. I feel inspired. Other days, I cry out of exhaustion and frustration. I want to do more, write more, grow my business. But I remember that every step I take will bring me closer to my goal. I’ve already come so far.

And spring is coming again.