The Great Beyond

Hasina Zaman, funeral director

I set up Compassionate Funerals in 2002, having spent most of my life as an artist and teacher. I was at a point in my life where I realised I needed to do something that would make a difference. This is something people need; death isn’t going out of fashion.

There’s no typical day. Last week we had one funeral where everyone was wearing football shirts so didn’t want us to be too formal, another where we were in full funeral attire and one that was an eco funeral where we had flowers in our hair. We’re privileged to work with people from so many different backgrounds, we get to learn about their cultures and how they express grief.

My team and I help families with preparing their loved ones; washing and dressing them and spending time with them. I am fully trained to apply make-up. I want to make the person who has died look natural and beautiful. On the day of the funeral, we’re present to make sure everything runs smoothly. People, of course, feel sad, but often there’s also a real sense of celebration and pride in the life the person has led. My personal belief is that we are here to live optimally, to have a great time and to serve with the gifts that we are born with and die with peace and no regrets.

We often experience steep learning curves on the job. We recently dealt with the death of the grand sheikh of Nigeria who needed repatriating. The family called me to the hospital in his final hours and I remember it was just me and so many men; all his sons and bodyguards. Usually we only meet with one or two members of family but there were about 15 of them.

There are times when I get emotional, but I try to stay in the zone otherwise I can’t be of service; I have to be fully present so I can support people who are feeling numb or in shock. We use techniques like ‘reminiscence’, which is getting people to talk about their loved ones’ pasts to improve their own psychological wellbeing. Grief-struck people sometimes can’t think or make decisions but if you ask them to tell you where they met their husband, their complete physiology changes in a second and they light up. It’s beautiful to watch.

The internet has changed everything. People want to be empowered and hands on. We had a gay funeral recently where they didn’t want anything traditional at all, just lots of personalisation, art and creativity. Funeral directors have to get on board and embrace this change.

portraits james stittle interviews katie antoniou, aimee-lee abraham, alice snape