Ulterior Motives, by Dr. Lorin Swinehart

Dr. Lorin Swinehart

It was nearing dark on a sultry summer evening during my fourth season as a National Park service ranger on an island out in Lake Erie when a good friend and I decided to take a break from our usual five mile trek to catch some rest before continuing our daily regimen.

We had been struggling to lose weight and improve our health and wellbeing since early spring that year. There was a tiny state park, not more than a few picnic tables, jutting out into the harbor, and that is where we stopped to rest.

As we sat at one of the picnic tables, talking over the events of the day and watching the gathering darkness descend upon the waters of Lake Erie, two young women who appeared to be in their early twenties approached and sat down opposite us. I was immediately suspicious. Why would two young women approach two old white haired off duty park rangers in a lonely picnic area at nightfall? We were the only people in the park at that time of night, and there were many other picnic tables available. The island where we served for several years as National Park Service rangers was infamous for the bad behavior that typified so many visitors during the summer months. I assumed the worst; either the young women were prostitutes or they were underage and hoped to persuade us to buy alcohol for them. There was no way the situation could possibly be innocent.

As they engaged us in conversation, I grew more and more uneasy, especially as the sky over the park transitioned to ink black, with a few stars feebly shining through the murk of midsummer. In response to their questions, we shared some of the daily challenges and rewards of serving as rangers on such a beautiful island, one with such historical significance. Our part of the conversation included safety issues, silly questions sometimes asked by visitors, the significance of the monument and the six officers interred beneath it, casualties of the Battle of Lake Erie in 1813. They talked about their schools and the classes they were taking, pretty standard stuff for persons of that age.

Nothing the least bit improper or suggestive arose in the conversation. Still, having been trained to regard anything that seems wrong to be wrong, I was unable to accept the situation at face value. I was on guard. Something just had to be wrong here.

My unease continued unabated. The situation was surreal. I could think of no good reason why they would sit uninvited at our picnic table or why they would have any interest at all in the stories we had to relate.

The evening grew ever darker. The hour was late. I wanted to offer some excuse to leave this uncomfortable situation. We could say that we were needed back at the ROC (Ranger Operations Center) or that we needed to head back because we had early duty in the morning, which we probably did.

Finally, one of them said, somewhat tentatively, “We have a question we would like to ask you.”

I thought to myself, “Oh boy. Here it comes. This can’t possibly be anything good.”

Then one of the pair inquired, “We would like to know if you have accepted Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. We’re here from Campus Crusade.” Lorin Swinehart

By Jackie Kellum

Many times a pet will let you know he is not

feeling well. We need to learn and recognize signs of these health changes, compared to your pet’s ‘normal’. The purpose of the article is not to tell you what the problem is or its cause. Below is a guide to help you observe and provide examples of what kind of changes that may be unusual for your pet, especially if it is a large change or a new unexplained change. When in doubt, take your pet to your “regular” Vet., especially if it is near the weekend so a thorough examination can help determine if there is a medical issue before it might become a larger problem

Changes in the Gastro-Intesti-

nal System: Decrease or lack of appetite, sudden unexplained weight gain or loss, vomiting and/or diarrhea are frequently the first symptoms of an illness, especially if it has occurred over an extended period of time. If the problem lasts more than a day, especially associated with other symptoms like a behavior change, etc. see your Vet. to investigate the underlying cause.

Change in Urination: Cats who previously have used the litter box and now pee in other places, or dogs who previously were house-broken and now peeing in the house, are telling you there is a problem. Things to observe for: straining, changes in urine volume [increase or decrease], frequency of urination [excess or decrease], change in urine smell, or visible blood. If possible, take a sample of the urine with you to the Vet.

Unusual amount / sudden ex-

cessive drooling: If the weather is not particularly hot, and your pet has not exerted himself, and is having difficulty eating his food, food falling out of his mouth, – especially kibble, or has an unusual new smell change in his mouth, rubbing his face on objects, or pawing at his face, etc. these changes should be evaluated.

Change in Drinking Habit: If it is a warm day and your pet has exercised a lot, they normally drink a lot of water. But, if the pet keeps going back to the water bowl very frequently within a short period of this, this is not ‘normal’. Drinking much more water [‘water intoxication’] or a lot less water than usual, for a period of time, should be evaluated.

Change in Breathing: It is normal for your pet to pant after playing or, after being outdoors on a warm day. Heavy, on-going panting is not normal, especially if there is an audible sound during breathing and associated with secretions from their eyes/ nose. If your pet has difficulty breathing or has an on-going blue tint to their tongue/ gums, this should be considered an urgent contact with your Vet.

Change in Odor: Your know what your pet ‘normally’ smells like - although healthy pets do not ‘stink’. If there is a change or intensity of the smell in your pet’s mouth, ears, anal area, expelled ‘gas’, skin integrity- especially if there are lesions or an open-area…. this should be evaluated.

Change in Behavior / Personal-

ity: When a pet is in pain or ill, they sometimes behave differently, i.e.: less active, lethargic, hide, withdraw, have unprovoked aggression, erratic temperament, hyperactivity, fearfulness, anxiety, submissiveness, become clingy, etc. The cause of this unexplained behavior change should be assessed.

Change in Mobility: may be due to: pain, vision or hearing loss, aging, disease or injury – a thorough examination should help determine the cause of this activity difference.

Observe your pet – “Change” is not necessarily a good thing - especially if it involves Health.

Jackie Kellum

By Scott Jones

The Electric Fishermen

Nature is my next-door

neighbor. My outdoor kitchen/deck faces a marsh and the mountains. If something drops off the counter or deck, it bounces into the stream, which is very convenient for getting rid of fruit skins, piles of suicidal insects of unwanted guests. Although it seems very secluded, I never know who or what will show up: a 300-year-old woman ambles by as I’m doing yoga and wonders why the weird white guy is motionless in a pretzel position; some little dude with a very big gun hunts something while I hope it’s not Farang Season; a manmonkey hybrid scampers up a vertical tree and munches leaves.

And The Electric Fishermen slosh through the stream. The stream looks lovely from a distance but it’s not the clear, cool, mountain variety. It’s warm, flat, brown and filled with agricultural whatever, sinister septic hoo-hah, UFOs—Unidentified Floating Objects, stool samples from my landlord’s diverse fowl collection, excretions from other bungalows, and yesterday, a sixfoot snake. After stepping in while attempting to retrieve runaway kitchen items and sinking ankle-deep into invisible muck, I scrub with concentrated cleaning fluid, bleach and sandpaper. Not only do The Electric Fishermen wade in this infested water up to their necks, their homemade “fishing rod” is hot with watts.

Their instrument of death is a mesh of metal lashed to a snake-length bamboo pole wrapped with a live wire slithering through the water, up the bank and finally sticking in one side of one outlet by my water pump. Fisherman A kills and Fisherman B stuffs the assorted dead in a sack as the wife and kids watch the shocking scene, prepared to pull Daddy out and put him in a body bag. I just picture their hair dryer drops into the bathtub. It’s no mystery why my electric bill doubled with these addled anglers pumping current straight into the waterways of Thailand.

Fishing in America is littered with specific licenses, daily limits, one-hook rules, seasonal regulations, computerized fish locators, atomic depth finders, supernatural strategies and endless TV angling shows that rival golf shows for Death By Boredom. I don’t remember anyone plodding through sewage, armed with high-powered cattle prods and extension cords, but this method brings to mind a story involving two neighbors: an avid fisherman and the game warden.

Mr. Fisher routinely comes home with a huge catch. When Mr. Warden asks to join him and get a few tips, Mr. Fisher says, “No problem. Meet me at the lake on Saturday at dawn.” Out in the boat, Mr. Fisher lights a stick of dynamite, flings it into the water and scores of lifeless fish fly into the air. As he gathers them into his net, Mr. Warden goes ballistic: “This is outrageous! Totally illegal and disgusting! I’ll have you put away!” Mr. Fisher calmly reaches into his tackle box, gets another stick, lights it, throws it into Mr. Warden’s lap and asks, “Are you going to bitch or are you going to fish?”

I hope The Electric Fishermen never learn this technique or my domestic peace will be shattered by explosions as dead fish, snakes, geese and body parts of the fishermen and their families flop onto my deck.

Scott Jones