Murderous Addictions, by Don Beaudreau

Getting Them Before They Get Us

By Don Beaudreau wbeaudreau@aol.com

Addictions can kill you. I know. I almost died. It was not until a mid-life event happened to me that I finally began to grasp the fact that I was raised in an alcoholic family. It was as if a jack-in-the-box had suddenly popped up and said: “Surprise!”

“Surprise!” You’ve been living in denial. “Surprise!” You can’t hide from the shadow, because the shadow knows. “Surprise!” You’re hurting and you don’t even know it. “Surprise!” You’re not relating well to your wife and kids. “Surprise!” You’re continuing a dysfunctional family pattern going back generations and in doing so you are guaranteeing its perpetuation into the future.

There was one particular event that focused me on this reality. A serendipitous, life-altering event.

I had returned home late at night from a much-too-long board meeting. My wife and kids were already asleep. To unwind, I turned on the television merely as background noise, and then went to the refrigerator. Nosing around in there, I was not paying much attention to what was on the tube, other than to note that it was a talk show. But then, in the middle of deciding whether it was going to be beer and chips, or beer and brownies, I heard the phrase “dry drunk” coming from the television and my interest was aroused.

I don’t remember the name of the person talking about Adult Children of Alcoholics, but I do know that what he said applied to me: that even though I thought I was not an alcoholic, the fact that I was raised in a family where alcohol was a problem meant that my behavior was affected by it. I was one of those “dry drunks.”

At that point, I accepted the reality that my life was in a shambles, both professionally and personally; that my physical and mental health was in a downward spiral. And I began to wonder if maybe growing up in an alcoholic family had something to do with all this.

Well, even without the beer that I chugged that night, I would have cried. And cry I did! Torrents!

This began the process of my wanting to know more about this addiction called “alcoholism” and its effect on me. Within a few days I attended my first Adult Children of Alcoholics meeting, and continued in that program for nearly 5 years, missing only a few weekly sessions. This lead to further efforts to understand myself that included studying in various Clinical Pastoral Education situations with supervising therapists and attending various group sessions.

In her book When Society Becomes an Addict Anne Wilson Schaef makes the point that an addiction is “any process over which we are powerless. It takes control of us, causing us to do and think things that are inconsistent with our personal values and leading us to become progressively more compulsive and obsessive.”

Schaef’s major point is that addiction is not merely an individual’s tragic dilemma or the problem of those who associate with the addict, but also is society’s tragic flaw. Furthermore, as she and others point out, our problem is indicative of a deeper, systemic tragedy: of a society seeking purpose and meaning. Being addictive is a state of existence that proclaims a feeling of powerlessness.

The horror is that addictive substances give the user/abuser the illusion of being powerful, sometimes brazenly so, whereas, in reality, the substance is merely a poor substitute for real power. The first of the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous indicates this when it tells us: “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol; that our lives had become unmanageable.”

And according to AA, until one turns to the “Higher Power” as one might understand the concept, then one is not on the road to recovery. Or, if one is Humanist and a member of Rational Recovery, until one accepts

the power within one’s self and in relationship to others and the universe, one is controlled by this false sense of being in charge which alcohol gives.

A similar process and realization can occur for those who are suffering from addictions other than alcoholism.

So when an addict starts to realize that s/he has reached an unmanageable stage and needs help toward recovery, the denial process begins to break down. “Denial” is a nice way of saying that the addict has been a liar. Others also are trapped in this denial syndrome because of loyalty, pity, or love toward the addict; or because of confusion due to the addict’s erratic behavior; or out of a desire to help.

This denial breakthrough is a powerful thing. It is powerful in the real sense of power, not the false power that comes through substance abuse. But the power that comes with truth. Tears flow freely then. Anger flashes. Pain hurts. But there is release and consequently joy. But it can be scary, too. Being renewed in life can do that. And the fear that one might return to addiction again is there as well. Still, it helps to be with others who have been in the darkness and who are fighting the demons.

And yet, more often than any of us really want to believe, addictions get us before we can get them.

Let me share a story with you when I served as a hospital chaplain. Josh (that was not his real name) was in his mid-forties and was recovering from the recent death of his wife and his own neardeath due to liver failure. I met him shortly after his liver transplant.

At our first meeting I could see that he was eager to talk. Wide eyes, quick movements, rapid speech pattern. A man with many questions and many comments about his physical condition, about life in general, about the meaning of it all. He was not someone who would be content with a mere pastoral nod of understanding. To him everything was new and exciting.

Sadly, this new way of being: of being a recovering alcoholic, came too late in his disease to save his body. But at least it came before he died! And even if his body was decaying moment by moment, his human spirit kept getting stronger and stronger. He opened himself to the fullness of life like he had never done before: delving into his psychic pain and learning where he needed to get better. And he knew he had to do this fast. His spirituality grew in relationship to other people. He had a constant stream of recovering alcoholics coming to his hospital room day and night, much to the dismay of some of the hospital staff who believed that the healing of the body, mind and spirit were not linked. I never agree with them.

Day by day more and more physical complications occurred. Josh endured procedure after procedure, including brain and heart surgery. Sometimes he joked about it, sometimes he raged at the heavens. In other words, Josh was very real. Very authentic.

I shall always wonder what Josh would have been like had he gone to an AA meeting earlier than he had; or if through respect for himself or through the love of others, he would have faced his illness earlier than he did and pushed through the denial part to a place of healing.

Nevertheless, Josh was inspirational to so many! Including me! Five hundred people came to his funeral. I can only presume that a number of them were addicts of one kind or another. It was a very long religious service with many, including myself, telling of our relationship with this guru of recovering addicts. It was a bittersweet celebration of a life. Perhaps, in a way, his addiction got him before he got it, but in the larger scheme of things, he was the final victor. He learned what it meant to be alive as a loving, compassionate person, and to give love and compassion back to others.

My hope is that all who suffer addiction in any form, and those who love them, will remember Josh, and do what they can to be healed and to heal others.

NOTE: Don Beaudreau is a member of the Ajijic Writers Group, and has published 10 books, including Playbook for the 21st Century (A Guide to Practical Spirituality for Free Thinkers), from which this article has been adapted.

Kim LeMieux Email: kimslakesideliving@gmail.com

The Lake Chapala Society host Open Circle every Sunday at 10:30am, a popular community gathering in Ajijic, to enjoy a diverse range of presentations. Entrance by the side gate on Ramón Corona, gate opens at 9:30am. We recommend bringing a hat and bottled water, and please remove containers upon departure. Use of mask is optional. Check their website for upcoming presentations, make your reservation if you want to attend and if you missed a past presentation, you can still enjoy it on line. https://opencircleajijic.org/

JULY PRESENTATIONS INCLUDE:

July 3 - Steve Nousen: Benjamin Franklin Returns to 1776

Dr. Franklin will address the events growing out of the British aggression against the Patriots who continue to fight and die in the cause of Liberty. Since he made his last address at Open Circle, Dr. Franklin has recovered from an ill-fated diplomatic trip to Canada which nearly cost him his life. Upon his return to Philadelphia, he co-authored the Declaration of Independence and helped shepherd it through Congress. On September 11th, he met with the British commander in a last-ditch effort to find a peaceful end to the war. That effort failed and the United States is now faced with a prolonged war. The setting for Dr. Franklin’s latest Open Circle talk is dockside in Philadelphia. It is October 28, 1776, and the 70-year-old Franklin is about to depart on the most important mission of his career. The future of the United States hangs in the balance. Please come to wish Dr. Franklin success on his critical endeavor.

Award-winning teacher, actor, and lobbyist, Steven Nousen has presented Ben Franklin to countless audiences ranging in age from 9-90. He has entertained and informed people at conventions, schools, and universities. He has spoken at the National Geographic Society and the Library of Congress. In his presentations, the audience becomes part of the show. “Dr. Franklin” engages in dialogue with those in attendance. In marking the 246th anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Independence, Steven will close the program with a reading of a revised and updated interpretation of the Declaration.

July 17 - Rachel McMillen: Creative Writing

A familiar face in the Lakeside community. Many know Rachel from the Introduction to Lakeside course she conducts, or perhaps her Creative Writing course. Or as managing editor of the Lake Chapala Society’s monthly newsletter,Conecciones. In her spare time, she is an active member of a biweekly writing group, a member of the Orchid Society, and of course the dog rescue group. And, just a minor thing, she’s a successful author of four mystery novels set on the Pacific coast of Canada with another novel in the works. But that’s all for, as she says, she is retired now.

July 31 - Poco a Poco San Pedro

Poco a Poco San Pedro started working in early 2016. We started with projects to help the people in San Pedro Itzicán and the surrounding villages. We do this by facilitating and supporting projects that are requested by the local community. As much as possible we leverage knowledge from available sources in the community, in research, in government and from project leaders from around the lake, and we love working with other local organizations.

Poco a Poco works on creating small, startup projects to enable local people (mostly women) to earn a living and encourage and enable children to attend school.

We believe that an “A hand up - not a handout” approach is the best way to help. This often involves providing training to people who have asked for help and have an interest in learning. We encourage youth to attend school, to continue into high school, and beyond. One young lady has been trained as a Paramedic and is now enrolled to take courses to become a doctor! The local people, especially the women, want to create local work and activities so they can earn money, and be there to look after their children.

Steve Nousen

Rachel McMillen

July 9 2:30-6:30 pm - The Lake Chapala

Society will host the 5th Annual Music Festival with Traficantes Rock’n Latin and Gar-

gamel

Food for purchase will be provided by LA PACENA and THE SMOKEHOUSE as well as ice cream from BOK HELADOS and a No Host/Cash bar to quench your thirst after all that dancing.

Tickets $400 Non-members; $300 Members www.LakeChapalaSociety.com

July 15 3:00 - The Lake Chapala So-

ciety will host the Feria Maestros del Arte

Fundraiser Fashion Show

Tickets $250 available at Fiaga Boutique, Morelos 7, Ajijic Centro and Lupita Campbell lupitacampbell48@gmail.com

The indigenous folk art of Mexico is in danger of disappearing if artists cannot find outlets to sell their work. Feria Maestros del Arte was created to offer these artists a venue to sell their work at no charge to them - for many, the sales they make at the Feria are the largest portion of their yearly income.

Organized by an army of volunteers, artists do not pay any fees or percentage of sales. They are hosted by local families, fed, and assisted with their transportation costs.

The hosts’ participation in the Feria makes for a unique community experience. Every year, extraordinary cross-cultural bonds are forged between families of diverse backgrounds.

For more info on future events: http://www.feriamaestros.com/

July 25 to 29 - Children’s Art

Program will have their Art Camp. And Saturday July 30 you can appreciate and buy some of their creations. The Art Camp will have the following workshops: Alum-Art, Mosaics, Acrylics, Watercolor, Abstract, Drawing & Painting, Embroidery, Dreamcatchers and Terra Cota Modeling. Since 1954 when it was started by Neill James, The Children’s Art Program has engaged thousands of Mexican children in exploration of their creative talents. The Program has produced many well-known local artists and helped to position Ajijic as an art colony. The mu-

ral honors the Program and the three women who enriched the lives of so many young Mexicans.

The mural is made possible through a generous donation from the Ajijic Society of the Arts (ASA) and the creative collaboration and time of Ajijic artists, Jesus Lopez Vega and Javier Zaragoza. Many thanks to everyone who has helped to make the LCS Children’s Arts Program a continued success.

Dedicated on March 3, 2012, the mural celebrates the many Ajijic artists who got their start in the Children’s Art Program and inspires the children who will continue to come to the art patio every Saturday morning.

FoodBank Lakeside is expanding its local restaurant program this month. Local participating restaurants place small FoodBank notices on their tables and offer to collect donations from their customers. All materials and cash pickups are provided by FoodBank volunteers. They are seeking to grow the success of this program with a new volunteer that will manage just this program. They currently have nine local participating restaurants. Any restaurant owners or managers that would like more information are encouraged to contact FoodBank Lakeside at foodbanklakeside@gmail.com. For more information about FoodBank Lakeside, please visit www.foodbanklakeside.org

Alex Holland and Steve Montenko

July 29 12:30-2:30 - Alex Holland

and Steve Montenko will perform at La Pacena, Ajijic. All tips donated to

FoodBank Lakeside

Classic folk-rock. A gourmet seafood lunch in a garden setting. featuring Steve on acoustic guitar and vocals, Alex on bass, cover the legendary singer-songwriters of the 70s and beyond, plus a few tasty originals. All tips go directly to FoodBank Lakeside. Steve is the Volunteer Coordinator for the FoodBank. Alex is an internationally recognized expert in Traditional Chinese Medicine, and a former professional bass player.

July 15, 16, 17 - FOUR DOGS

AND A BONE A witty satire of the movie business. Though it is biting and cruelly critical it is also very funny – and that’s probably why it ran for 230 performances when it premiered in New York in 1993. “If you’re going to write a satire about the movie business at this very late date, it had better be very, very funny. In the case of FOUR DOGS AND A BONE … that criterion is most abundantly met.” (NY Times) FOUR DOGS AND A BONE is presented by special arrangement with Dramatists Play Service, Inc., NY.

August 4 - 7 - Mark Boyer 10 Minute Play Festival. This concept was introduced to the LLT Board by Mark Boyer in March of 2019 and unanimously approved. This Festival was originally scheduled for August 2020, but due to COVID it is now being held August 2022. Collette Clavadetscher is the Festival Director and Deborah Elder is the Festival Stage Manager. Seven 10-minute plays will be presented with 17 cast members.

Tickets for both events are available at lakesidelittletheatre.com or check LLT’s website for box office hours. Reserved seating in the McIntosh Auditorium.

July 29, 30 & 31 4:00 pm - La Vérité (The Truth)

The original writer of La Vérité, Florian Zeller, (The Truth, as translated by Christopher Hampton) has been given credit on a global level as an extraordinary script that is not just uncannily funny but has more to it than meets the eye. The play provides an unsettling but hilarious gaze at the downsides of infidelity in a marriage. It is said that his script dances as much along the lines of a traditional French farcical comedy, as it does along the celebrated play Betrayal, by Harold Pinter.

Our Bare Stage production, adeptly Standing: Louise Ritchie, Linda Goman. directed by Bernadette Jones, fea- Seated: Ken Yakiwchuk, Mark Nichols. tures, Linda Goman, Mark Nichols, Front: Director Bernadette Jones.

Louise Ritchie & Ken Yakiwchuk.

Tickets are $200 to join in the fun. Sales are brisk so RESERVE NOW at barestagetheatre2018@gmail.com. We are located at #261 on the mountain side of the Carretera in Riberas del Pilar across from the Catholic Church. Door and Bar open at 3:00 pm. Seats are held till 3:50 pm. We still request mask-wearing out of respect for our fellow audience members and our actors. Curtains will be open for air flow. Please Like, Follow& Share our Facebook Page: www.facebook.com/barestagetheatre2018/

Every Thursday 3:00 – 6:00 - Gringo Bingo and Live Music

An ongoing fundraiser with the Iron Horse and all proceeds goes to Lucky Dog.

Lucky Dog Rescue and Adoption Center is a non-profit volunteer organization dedicated to the rescue and adoption of abandoned and abused dogs in the Lake Chapala area of Jalisco Mexico. Lucky Dog is run solely by a group of dedicated volunteers. Lucky Dog has expanded a lot since its inception, adding additional runs, installing a playing/training field in back, constructing safety doors on the kennels and shade coverings for the play yards, and more. Come visit us and see for yourself! We are always happy to meet our supporters! Our dedicated volunteers ensure our dogs are walked and loved daily. Visits to the vet are all handled by volunteers, as are routine vaccinations, worm and flea treatments. For more information to volunteer or donate:

LuckydogLakeChapala.com