n a g a
n a k o
child
A Special Solution to Sibling Strife
Yes Motherhood and Working Do Mix Music Therapy
FREE Winter 2015
Mission Possible: Substituting Your Way Through Food Allergies How To Cope When Your Child Is Hospitalized
okanaganchild
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Winter 2015 Volume 3, Issue 4
articles
A Special Solution to Sibling Stife Music Therapy Foster Families Give Year Round Mission Possible: Substituting Your Way Through Food Allergies 12 Fitness 13 The Importance and Benefits of Your Child Playing Soccer 14 Letting Go 16 Craft: Claypot Snowmen 18 Yes Motherhood and Working Do Mix 20 Through The Eyes Of An Educator 22 How to Cope When Your Child is Hospitalized
Cover photo courtesy of
every issue
3 Editor’s Note
21 Resource Directory
Contributors: Lara Krupicka Christie Millard Noelle Typusiak Laurie Zottmann 30 Min Hit Penticton Pinnacles FC Sara Dimerman Pamela F Lenehan Sheena Fowlie Sue LeBreton
Editor-in-Chief: Creative Director: Distribution
Kerri Milton Bev Tiel Kathie O’Gorman
Advertising Inquiries: General Inquiries: Web:
advertise@okanaganchild.com info@okanaganchild.com www.okanaganchild.com http://www.facebook.com/OkanaganChild https://twitter.com/okanaganchild
Okanagan Child is published four times per year by a couple of busy moms. Please note that this magazine is solely funded through the support of our advertisers and sponsors. Please support our advertisers! Opinions expressed in this publication may not necessarily reflect those of the Publishers. All contents copyrighted©. No part of this publication may be reprinted, quoted, copied or reproduced without the express written permission of the Publisher.
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editorial note
And there it goes…..another year goes speeding by at breakneck speed…and Bev and I are continuing to improve Okanagan Child with each passing year. This year the website was completely re-done, we have a few new writers, the social media activity has been through the roof and we will be adding more features in 2016. One thing that never changes, especially during this hectic season, is the sibling fights…what can you do to help keep them under control when you are half crazed yourself! Lara Krupicka has a few great tips on how to keep conflict down under times of stress – if that does not work, our fitness article is all about getting out there and trying something. After all if your sanity is intact that has to help the kids right? Laurie Zottmann has some great alternative recipes for those with dietary restrictions. This article is so
close to my heart as I have a type 1 diabetic daughter and I myself have a terrible autoimmune disease, so getting through all the holiday eating can be a challenge. If you have some of these recipes in your arsenal, it will help you sail through the season and not feel terrible! We are so pleased to show you Peekaboo Beans new playwear, you can only order online or through direct sales so check them out. Also very close to my heart is Pamela Lenehan’s article on working moms. We know ALLLL moms work so hard, whether it’s at home or out in the workplace. For those of us who have stressful careers outside the home, there is added pressures and guilt – BUT there does not have to be. Its all about networking with like-minded individuals, if you are a stay-at-home mom you need your network of other moms who feel your stresses and understand your needs, and the same goes for working or career moms. All us moms need to stick together so we can raise a generation of strongminded independent people…and to that I say CHEERS to a fabulous festive season and all the very best in 2016! Kerri Editor-in-Chief
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A Special Solution to Sibling Strife by Lara Krupicka They’d barely tumbled in the door from school when it started. “Mom! I called that seat first!” “Mom! She took two cookies and I only got one!” And there I was, jumping in to play referee...again. If your house is anything like mine, you probably feel like you spend much of your time with your kids trying to solve spats and silence the bickering. But you also probably keep holding onto the hope that one day there might be harmony. Guess what? There is hope! It comes in the form of one simple word: “special.” Here are three ways focusing on “special” can increase the peace in your home (and maybe generate a few extra “I love you’s” this Valentine’s Day):
Parents to Kids: Treat each one as special Maybe we think this should go without saying, but kids like to feel they’re special. Even though we know it, we sometimes confuse our desire to be fair to our children with treating them equally. But they’re not equal. Dr. Scott Turansky, co-author of Say Goodby to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes..in You and Your Kids! (with Joanne Miller), suggests that parents try instead to treat kids independently. He notes: “parents inadvertently encourage competition by treating them the same. Kids look for inequities.” Turansky often reminds parents that “fair doesn’t mean equal.” We know we should treat our kids differently from each other because they are different 4 l Winter 2015
from each other. But framing it as treating them “special” creates a more positive environment. It makes those differences a good thing. When each child in a family can feel valued, there’s less chance for conflict to develop due to competition. Look for ways to engage each of your children in an activity all their own, that you don’t share with any of their siblings. Maybe you can play chess with one child and scrapbook with another. Or include one of them as your biking buddy, while you save time for doing jigsaw puzzles with the other. Point out the strengths of their particular temperament and ways each one adds to your family. You might say, “Susie, I appreciate how much you love being around people. You do such a good job making our friends feel welcome when they visit.” Or, “Daniel, you make a good leader. I like how other kids look to you to help decide what to do when you’re playing.” Parents to Conflict: Address issues individually When bickering and fights take place, it’s our tendency as parents to tackle the offenders as a unit. Instead, Turansky advocates separating children. “Work with one kid at a time. Give each one a separate plan, particular to them.” With this concept in mind, once we’ve deciphered the nature of the issue at hand, we can move on to addressing the conflict one-on-one with our kids. This allows us to observe each child’s role in the conflict and helps isolate the factors involved. Then we can tailor the problem-solving strategy to the individual child’s age, personality and strengths. As we do this, we should emphasize the unique solutions each particular child brings to the situation. Making them feel special as peacemakers empowers kids to become more effective at resolving their conflicts. www.okanaganchild.com
For example, sometimes arguments ensue when one child wants to be left alone, while another craves attention. Taking them each aside gives you the chance to draw their attention the positives of the interaction. You can say, “Jane, your younger brother really looks up to you. Do you think maybe he’s just wanting to be with you because of that?” And you can suggest to the younger one that his enthusiasm might be overwhelming to his sister and propose that he find a creative way to invite her to do something fun after she’s had some time alone. Kids to Kids: Teach them to value each other Parents also need to cast a vision for their kids of having a loving home environment where everyone treats each other as special. Make it a habit to take time to celebrate each other’s accomplishments. Talk with each child about ways they could do something unexpected for their siblings. Encourage them to speak well about and to one another. Then praise them liberally when they do any of these things. When kids begin developing a pattern of displaying these behaviors, the level of conflict in the home subsides. After all, it’s hard to be angry with someone who has done something kind for you. We saw the benefits of casting this vision one year when my then seven-year-old daughter, Evelyn’s, birthday approached. Everyone in the household grew tired of her (hourly) exclamations of how many days were left until her celebration. At first her sisters hounded her to stop and fights erupted over her right to have a birthday countdown. Then one day my eldest daughter
found a solution. She began announcing each morning the number of days remaining for her sister. Evelyn loved the recognition and her excessive counting down stopped. Being made to feel special by her sister solved the struggle they’d been having. Turansky points out that the key element is remembering that we’re trying to teach our child how to relate to other children. “It’s your child’s first class in relationship school,” he says. “They’re building the skills necessary to be successful.” Look for ways to implement these three approaches to bickering in your family. Because when “special” becomes the byword in your home, your family life will be exceptional indeed. Parenting journalist Lara Krupicka especially loves her husband and three girls (who also love each other... most of the time)
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Music Therapy by Christie Millard Music Therapy is the therapeutic use of music by an accredited music therapist that uses music related activities to build relationships that develop through shared musical experiences to support positive changes in a child’s physical, cognitive, communication, social or emotional state. Music Therapy is a powerful tool with helping children with special needs. Here are five ways that music therapy can make an impact on a child’s life. 1. Speech and Communication Music therapy can have powerful benefits for helping to develop language skills. For a nonverbal child, vocalizing to simple musical patterns while using visual prompts. The therapist may also sing or have the child sing songs that contain words or sounds that are a focus for improvement. 2. Motor and Sensory Skills Another important benefit of music therapy is its benefits towards increasing agility of fine motor, gross motor and sensory skills. Clapping, beating rhythms, targeted movement and improvising on piano are just a few incredible ways to improve coordination and refine motor control. Action-Songs are songs that have lyrics that provide directions for movement. These types of active interventions provide an opportunity to integrate rhythm, body percussion, vocalization and turn taking. This helps the child become more aware of their environment and how their body responds. 3. Social and Emotional Successful music experiences can reinforce and encourage additional positive changes in behavior. Imitation, eye contact, and taking turns can all be social responses 6 l Winter 2015
within a musical environment. Children with special needs can also increase their social skills through singing, moving, dancing and instrument playing. They can also learn to associate different types of music with feelings. 3. Increase Self Esteem Music therapy also provides a pleasurable, nonthreatening environment where the child can safely risk trying new experiences that can be transferred to other areas of their lives. The therapeutic process can happen again and again without resistance because the child is so “tuned-in” to the music and is successful. This success also enables the music therapist to slowly expand the child’s boundaries to reach new levels. 4. Outlet for Expression Active music making in a one on one setting or a group setting gives the child the opportunity to practice taking turns, sharing, and learning social cues, all of which encourage developmentally appropriate symbolic and imaginative play. Successful music experiences can reinforce and encourage additional positive changes in behavior and is a form of expression for the child. For more information you can contact Christie Millard at intouchmusictherapy@gmail.com or the Music Therapy Association of BC at mtabc.com.
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Foster Families Give Year Round This “season of giving” is a wonderful time to acknowledge Foster Families, and the care they give to children and youth throughout the year. On any given day more than 500 children in the Okanagan need the love and skill of these substitute families. They open their homes and their hearts to children in need of a safe place to live for a few days, or a few months. Anna Verleg and her husband began fostering in the Vernon area more than 15 years ago, when their own children were pre-teens. They believe that fostering is about helping families rebuild and repair. Anna says, “Fostering doesn’t come without it’s challenges, but I know from experience that even if you only have them for a short time, you do make a difference one family and child at a time.”
Kelowna area Foster Parent Julie Holmlund and her husband have fostered for 6 years and can’t imagine doing anything else. “We have a large sibling group in our home right now and the joy that they bring to our house is immeasurable. We learn so much from the children that are in our home about resilience and forgiveness as we support them through the process of being separated from the family that they know and love. It’s the best job I’ve ever had, hands down. “
by Noelle Typusiak willingness to learn how to help children through difficult times” Foster Families understand the diverse needs of children and youth and they support connections to their family and culture. Foster Families provide guidance, patience and compassion. They wipe tears, help with homework, calm night fears, encourage first steps, attend appointments, celebrate accomplishments, worry - and so much more. Kara Simpson and her family feel honoured to have cared for many infants and young children. “I am trusted to take in society’s most helpless and vulnerable and start them off right, feeling security, love, caring, and attachment. These beings are completely dependent on the first people in their lives and I can’t think of anything else I could do as a career that would make me feel so important.” The Simpson family has fostered for more than fifteen years. According to Kara, “It is deeply satisfying to be able to wake up every day (and often several times a night!) and do something you love.” Foster Parents make a difference in our communities every day: their gift to the children and families of the Okanagan. submitted by Noelle Typusiak Okanagan Foster Parents Association
“I am constantly amazed by all that Foster Parents do for children”, says Leann Pittman, Foster Parent Coordinator for the South Okanagan. Leann works for Okanagan Foster Parents Association. She and her co-workers provide Okanagan Foster Families with training and support. “Most come to fostering with only their desire to make a difference, and the www.okanaganchild.com
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Mission Possible: by Laurie Zottmann
Substituting Your Way Through Food Allergies
Food allergies and sensitivities can turn feeding your family into an obstacle course. You have to avoid the problem foods, but make sure to hit all the necessary nutrients. Plus, you have to figure out how to keep your cooking tasty without your favorite staples. Add to the challenge the fact that food reactions usually pop up while you are breastfeeding a reactive baby, or building the food repertoire of a sensitive toddler. Your hands are full, your brain is fatigued, and you need simple solutions. A list of substitutions can be your lifesaver. It lets you quickly adapt your go-to meals, and makes you look as smooth as James Bond in the kitchen. If you’re ready to accept Mission Substitution, check out the list below. You can save it for later reference; it will not self-destruct. * See page 10 & 11 for easy recipes of asterisked foods Nut and Seed Swaps: Peanut Butter: Spread your ants-on-a-log with a butter that suits your needs such as almond, sunflower, or soy. Trail Mix or Granola: Trade problem nuts for sunflower or pumpkin seeds, or skip the seeds and use hemp hearts or roasted chickpeas for protein. Hummus or Stir-Fries: Avoid sesame with homemade Hummus*. For a yummy sesame-free stir-fry, mix up some Friendly Stir-Fry Sauce*, or make a coconut curry sauce by blending a can of coconut milk with a tablespoon of curry powder and a teaspoon of salt. New Staples: allergy-friendly butters, roasted chickpeas, sunflower or pumpkin seeds, hemp hearts, coconut milk, curry powder 8 l Winter 2015
Dairy Swaps: Cheese: Get that creamy kick from hummus, guacamole, mayonnaise, aioli dip, or sliced avocado. For a salty or savory topping, try bacon bits, olives, nutritional yeast flakes, or Friendly Fake Cheese Sauce*. Yogurt: Buy cultured coconut or soy, or make Chia Seed Pudding*. Ice Cream: Pick up some delicious coconut milk dessert, dairy-free sorbet, or popsicles. For a homemade treat, blend frozen bananas and other fruit with a little water and sweetener to make a super soft-serve stand-in. Butter: Replace it with dairy-free margarine, or cook with olive or coconut oils. Milk: There are many fortified allergy-friendly milks to try. Rice milk is great on cereal, and coconut, soy, or flax milks make a creamy treat in your coffee. Dairy-Based Dips, Dressings and Sauces: Substitute mayonnaise or avocado for sour cream or yogurt, and swap friendly milk into sauces.
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New Staples: hummus, guacamole, avocado, mayonnaise, aioli dips, bacon bits, olives, nutritional yeast, cultured coconut or soy, chia seed, coconut milk dessert, sorbet, popsicles, dairy-free margarine, coconut oil, olive oil, allergyfriendly milk, mayonnaise Gluten Swaps: Breakfast Cereal: Buy gluten-free packaged cereals, or use gluten-free quick oats to make porridge or homemade granola Toast: Try gluten-free breads, rice cakes, or homemade Buckwheat Flatbread*. Baking: Canned beans make a surprisingly effective understudy in chickpea cookies and black bean brownies. Search the internet for a recipe, throw the ingredients in your food processor, and bake. Pasta: Buy brown rice or corn pasta, or use spaghetti squash or zucchini ribbons.
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Gravies, Sauces, and Soups: Instead of thickening with flour, mix cornstarch with just enough cold water to dissolve, then simmer in your sauce 5-10 minutes to thicken. Use about 1 Tablespoon of starch per cup of finished sauce. Breaded Meats: Make a coating for fish or chicken with ground buckwheat or gluten-free oatmeal and a little cornstarch. Flavor it with seasoning salt, pepper, garlic powder, and a pinch of cumin for some Fake Shake ‘n Bake. Meatloaf, -ball, or -patty Binder: Instead of bread crumbs or crushed crackers, use a little gluten-free oatmeal or ground buckwheat to hold your meat creations together. About 1/3 cup per pound of meat works well. New Staples: gluten-free packaged cereal, quick oats, and breads; rice cakes, buckwheat flour (or groats to grind in your blender), chickpeas, brown beans, brown rice or corn pasta, spaghetti squash, zucchini, cornstarch (continued on Page 10)
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(continued from Page 9) Egg Swaps: Breakfast: For a savory day-starter, try guacamole or hummus with bacon and tomato on toast. For a protein punch, make a super seed cereal of 1 Tablespoon each of hemp hearts, buckwheat groats, and chia seeds, and soak it in 5-6 Tablespoons of water or milk for 5-10 minutes to soften. Top it with fruit or dried coconut. Mayonnaise: Substitute guacamole or a vinaigrette dressing on sandwiches or salads. In Baking or Meat Patties: Replace one egg with one mashed banana, or 1 Tablespoon of seeds (chia or flax) soaked with 3 Tablespoons of water. New Staples: guacamole, hummus, bacon bits, hemp hearts, buckwheat, chia seeds, dried coconut, vinaigrette dressing, banana, flax seeds If food restrictions are your arch nemesis, you have a new weapon. With this list of substitutions, you can easily adapt your pantry and keep your favorite meals on the table. Laurie is a live-to-eat kind of mom who gets thrills from new tricks to feed her food-sensitive family.
RECIPES TO TRY:
Kitchen Chameleons: Easy Recipes for Allergy-Free Staples These quick recipes will satisfy your need for allergenic staples with minimal effort and maximum yum. Hummus 1 can of chickpeas ¼ cup of water Juice of ½ lemon (or 1 Tbsp bottled) 1 clove of garlic, crushed (or 1 tsp powder) 1 Tbsp olive oil ¼ tsp cumin Salt and pepper to taste 10 l Winter 2015
Drain and rinse chickpeas. Pulse them in your food processor to make a puree, scraping down the sides as needed. Add water a little at a time and process until smooth. Add lemon juice, garlic, olive oil, and salt and pepper. Process to blend. Serve as dip with veggies, pitas, chips, or crackers. Spread on cucumber slices, celery logs, rice cakes, flatbread, or sandwiches. Variations: Tabouli Hummus: Add to recipe above one small tomato (finely diced), and ¾ cup of fresh parsley (washed, dried, and finely chopped). Process to mix. Bruschetta Hummus: Add to basic recipe one tomato (finely diced) and ½ cup of fresh basil (washed, dried, and finely chopped). Process to mix. Other add-ins: sundried tomatoes, black olives, shredded carrot www.okanaganchild.com
Friendly Stir-Fry Sauce 2 Tbsp olive oil 2 Tbsp tamari (or gluten-free soy sauce) 1 garlic clove, crushed (or 1 tsp powder) 1 Tbsp soy butter (or another seed or nut butter that suits your family) Juice of one lemon wedge (or 1 tsp bottled) Black pepper, to taste a pinch of crushed red pepper flakes, if your family likes it spicy Combine ingredients and stir until blended. Use as a marinade, stir-fry sauce, or dip for salad rolls. Friendly Fake Cheese Sauce 1 Tbsp vegan margarine ž cup rice milk 1 Tbsp cornstarch 6 Tbsp nutritional yeast 1 tsp garlic powder ½ tsp mustard Salt and pepper to taste
Buckwheat Flatbread (Makes 2 flatbreads) 1/3 cup buckwheat flour 1/3 cup water 1 Tbsp chia seeds 1 Tbsp hemp hearts (optional, for extra protein) Pinch of salt 2 tsp olive oil In a bowl, mix all ingredients except oil. Add more water or flour to achieve a consistency like pancake batter. Fry in 1 tsp oil on medium heat like a pancake: cook the first side until the edges curl, about 5 minutes, then flip and cook 2 minutes more. Remove flatbread to a plate, add more oil to the pan, and repeat. Use in place of pancakes, bread, toast, wraps, tortillas, pitas, or mini pizza crust.
In a small pot or pan, melt margarine. Add rice milk and cornstarch and stir until blended. Add the rest of the ingredients, stirring to combine. Simmer for 5-10 minutes, stirring occasionally until sauce thickens. Use it on tacos, nachos, pasta, sandwiches, or chili. Chia Seed Pudding 1 Tbsp chia seeds 1/3 cup of liquid fresh or dried fruit for topping Mix chia seeds and water and let stand for about 10 minutes to thicken, stirring occasionally to spread out the seeds. When set, top with your choice of fruit and enjoy. Yummy Liquid and Topping Combos: coconut milk/shredded coconut; chocolate soy milk/sliced banana; orange juice/dried cranberries; rice milk/ fresh berries/granola
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Fitness 30 Min Hit Penticton What if we could somehow tap into that resilience, determination and perseverance that shows up when it has to, when it’s life or death, live or die, and use it every day, even when times aren’t tough? Don’t you think we’d be so much closer to being the person we want to be?
Humans are capable of a lot. We’re tough. We’ve withstood natural disasters, wars, diseases and plagues, and when we have to, we can handle just about anything that gets thrown our way. At the end of the day, we’re relentless buggers. When we decide we want to do something, when we put our minds to a task, when we refuse to settle for the way things have been and seek change, we’re truly remarkable in what we create and accomplish. We’re often the most capable when we’re forced to be. We can do amazing things when we don’t have a choice, when there are no options. We can endure severe hardship with resilience and determination. Unfortunately, when we do have a choice between something hard and something easy, we often take the easy route. But the path of least resistance is rarely the best one if you’re hell bent on becoming the best possible version of yourself. Avoiding discomfort and quitting when things get hard won’t give you the life you want. Remember, there are no shortcuts to any place worth going.
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Consider this on how to get in shape. It’s time to Hit but it’s been a long, stressful day at work. You’re tired. The kids are cranky, the house is messy and the dog chewed your new shoes. You have two choices in this case: lament the day, flop on the couch and tell yourself you’ll exercise tomorrow OR shake off that tiredness, grab your shoes, your bag, your positive attitude and head for the nearest Hit, knowing that it may be hard but you’re doing the best you can for yourself. Which choice do you make? You might just shrug your shoulders and say, ‘I’m too exhausted.” And that is that. Could you have gone? Probably. Imagine if someone held a gun to your head and threatened to put the trigger if you didn’t go to the gym. Would you still be ‘too tired’ and take the bullet? Of course not. You’d say, “Yessir!” and then go have a great workout and feel amazing, bubbling with energy (and relief that you weren’t shot.) See, you’re capable of doing it, you just told yourself you’re not. When you had to be capable, you easily rose to the occasion and got ‘er done. Next time you’re on the fence about doing something you know you should do, ask yourself if you could do it if you had to. If you’re honest, it’ll be pretty hard to deny the answer. Test your limits. Go harness that crazy human power we all have. submitted by 30 Minute HIt Penticton
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The Importance and Benefits of Your Child Playing Soccer Pinnacles FC Soccer improves fitness and develops agility, speed and stamina, and also teaches children the importance of teamwork. Soccer can play an important part in your child’s physical and social development. From a physical perspective, soccer offers one of the best ways for a child to get in top physical shape. Soccer players need to be fit and agile. Most games require children to sprint after the ball and run up and down the field – all activities that build endurance and speed. The health benefits of active sports such as soccer include stronger bones and muscles and decreased chances of becoming overweight. Playing soccer builds social skills and develops a child’s ability to cooperate and interact with
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other children on their team. Soccer encourages teamwork and communication and helps grow a child’s self-confidence. Children who play soccer develop improved social skills. Pinnacles FC understands that as a parent, you may be worried about your player finding time for schoolwork when they are attending soccer practice and games. Recent studies have shown that children who play soccer perform well in school. Whether this results from an increase in self-confidence, or an increase in physical energy which helps mental energy, it is good for your child to learn the lesson of balance in his or her daily life. Pinnacles FC offers soccer programs for all ages and skill levels. Enroll your child in soccer today!
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Letting Go by Sara Dimerman I finally did it! Their furry faces with big black eyes have been sitting in the corner of my basement for many years. Every time I looked at them I experienced a combination of feeling sentimental and annoyed. Sentimental because they have been a part of my life since I was a child. Annoyed because up until now I have been unable to say goodbye to my furry dust collecting friends. Yesterday, in an effort to bring in the new year with less clutter in my home, I hurriedly (before I changed my mind), placed them in a clear plastic bag and knotted it. I stopped for a second to loosen the knot so as to let some air in lest they suffocate (as if!) and then marched outside, triumphantly placing them at the back of the garage.
the basement, or any other area of the house that has been uncluttered, I feel a greater sense of harmony and peace. I don’t feel bogged down by so many “things”. As we usher in the new year, you may also want to take time to think about what to do with all the unnecessary “things” in your world. Getting rid of what you never use, want or need is liberating. It’s hard to let go of “stuff” - especially when it harbours memories - but when you do, you will likely be glad you did. Happy New Year and all the best for 2016! Sara Dimerman is a Psychologist, Author and mom to two daughters. For more advice, connect at www.helpmesara. com or on Twitter @helpmesara.
So, at last my large teddy bear with his floppy head (all the stuffing has somehow gravitated downwards), and his pal - the big eyed monkey - have taken a step out of my life. But not completely - quite yet! When I’m having a hard time parting with something that is sentimental, I remove it from my life in stages. The first step is removing it from my immediate sight. So, putting the once beloved stuffed animals into a garbage bag is the first step. In time I will no longer miss them, but for now as I am letting go, there is still comfort in knowing that they are not gone completely. Then, after a period of time - and so long as I don’t look into the bag and feel that familiar pang of longing - I am able to add the bag to the donations I give to several charities throughout the year. For now, seeing the empty space where the pair of stuffed animals sat for so many years actually feels good. As any Feng Shui book will tell you, the removal of these “objects” along with other less sentimental pieces, has allowed the air to flow more freely around the room. When I walk into 14 l Winter 2015
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Winter Wardrobe
Peekaboo Beans sells its clothing via direct sales or online at http://www.peekaboobeans.com. To locate a Stylist in the Okanagan area, visit: http://www.peekaboobeans.com/homeSite/findStylist.aspx www.okanaganchild.com
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Claypot Snowmen by Amanda Formaro
Instructions Place newspaper down on work surface. Turn clay pot over and glue wooden ball to bottom of pot. When glue is dry, use large paint brush to paint entire the outside of the clay pot and the entire wooden ball with white paint. Let dry and apply a second coat. Cut the foot end off of the child’s sock. Create a brim by folding up the cuff of the sock, then position the cuff of the sock onto the “head” of the snowman (see photo). Glue the brim in place. Tie a piece of gold ribbon around the top of the hat and fringe the top with scissors. Adjust the fringe edges with your fingers until they look the way you want.
These darling Claypot Snowmen make the perfect couple. All bundled up for a cold winter’s day, and so easy, the kids can make them too! Supplies You will need (for each snowman): 1- 1 1/2” diameter wooden ball 1- 2 1/4” diameter clay pot 2 Buttons Gold ribbon Child’s sock Material or mitten scrap White craft or hot glue Black finetip marker Small and large paintbrushes Acrylic paints in white, orange and pink Clear coat spray
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Tie a strip of material or mitten scrap around the neck to fashion a scarf. Glue in place if desired. Glue two buttons to the front of your snowman. With black finetip marker, dot on eyes and mouth. Use a small paint brush to apply orange paint for a nose and gently dab on a thin amount of pink for the cheeks. Amanda Formaro is the crafty, entrepreneurial mother of four children. She loves to bake, cook and make crafts. She is the craft expert for FamilyCorner.com and Kaboose.com. You can see her crafty creations on http:// craftsbyamanda. com” Amanda’s Crafts by Amanda and her delicious recipes on http://www. amandascookin. com/ Amanda›s Cookin’.
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Yes, Motherhooed and Working Do Mix by Pamela F Lenehan The Top 10 Tips for Working Mothers
Is being a working mother hard on your kids? 70 percent of U.S. mothers with children under the age of 18 are working — some 31 million women as of 2013. But 60 percent of U.S. adults still think children are better off with one parent at home. Since I’m the daughter of a working mother myself — and raised my own children while working on as one of the first women executives on Wall Street, these numbers struck me as a stunning disconnect. To find out where the truth lies, I surveyed more than a thousand people ages 23-44 about their childhood, and interviewed working mothers and their grown children. The results are gathered in my new book, 'My Mother, My Mentor: What Grown Children of Working Mothers Want You to Know'. Most of the adult children of working mothers that I spoke to felt they actually thrived due to their mothers’ careers, learning invaluable skills, such as resilience and work ethic. And the results of the thousand-plus adult children surveyed underscore the fact that a mother’s career does indeed enhance her children’s lives, well into adulthood. Still, we can’t fully lean in unless we’re sure our children will be fine. To best integrate profession and parenting, here are my top ten tips: 18 l Winter 2015
1. Don’t Feel Guilty About Work: Children are proud of their working mothers and say their mothers gave them a strong work ethic. In fact, when you talk about feeling guilty and blame issues on your work, children think you are turning the conversation away from them and towards yourself. Lose the guilt! 2. Find Good Childcare and Relax: Looking back, grown children of working mothers have warm memories of their childcare providers. Kids are easy – it’s the parents who are hard to please. Find a childcare solution that works for your family, and go to work knowing your child is well cared for. 3. Stay in Touch With Children and Teachers During the School Years: Children can have academic and social issues during their school years, so parents need to stay on top of things. But the children surveyed reported bullying and learning disorders at the same rate whether or not their mothers worked. Get the help your child needs, but know that staying home won’t solve the problem. 4. Be There For Your Children, Just Not All the Time: Children of working mothers, especially daughters, say their mothers raised them to be independent. Children need to be allowed to make decisions, take responsibility, and learn from their mistakes. Have their backs, but don’t try to do everything for them. 5. Use Sports and Other After School Activities to Keep Children Occupied: Children of working mothers often stay busy after school with sports and other adult-supervised activities. The mothers surveyed felt this was preferable to too much time with babysitters. The secondary benefit is that children of working mothers reported more good friends than children www.okanaganchild.com
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whose mothers stayed at home. Choose reliable after school activities for your children, knowing they will be learning new things and meeting new friends. 6. Embrace Other Mentors for Your Children: Children are exposed to many adults other than parents, and many have a strong positive impact. In the survey, children most often cited teachers as the adult who taught them skills, gave them confidence, and broadened their perspective. Grandmothers especially make children feel loved. Coaches teach skills. Welcome the “village” that surrounds your child and broadens her horizon. 7. Get Together For Dinner As A Family – Even If It Is Only Once a Week: Family dinner won out as the favorite routine family activity by a vote of nearly two to one over other activities. Children like eating dinner with their parents, and hearing what is going on in their lives. If you cannot get together as a family during the workweek, do it on weekends. It is not about food, it’s about conversation and connection. 8. Use Holidays to Pass on Traditions: Children – and mothers – love holidays. Thanksgiving was the holiday most often mentioned in the survey, and food was the star. Children have fun cooking with their mothers in the kitchen, preparing food for a large group, and seeing family and friends. Holidays do not need to be perfect: do what you enjoy and outsource the rest. Less stress means you can all enjoy the holidays more. www.okanaganchild.com
Treat Your Children As Individuals, Because They Are: Children love time alone with their mother. While family activities are fun, children long for oneon-one time, when they are the focus of mother’s attention. Children from families with wide age ranges especially appreciate activities focused on their individual interests. Make time for each child so he can feel special. 10. Have Fun With Your Children: They Grow Up Quickly: Children love doing anything with their mothers. Asked about their favorite childhood memories, many cited simple tasks, like grocery shopping and house cleaning. Turn even the most basic chores into time spent with your children. They love being with you. Pamela F. Lenehan was one of the first female partners on Wall Street, a former C-suite executive of an NYSE company and a high tech start-up. She combined a climb to the vanguard of business leadership with a passionate dedication to raising her own children. An avid believer in the power of women to lead as well as parent, she serves on the boards of three publicly traded firms, and is also the author of “What You Don’t Know and Your Boss Won’t Tell You: Advice from Senior Female Executives on What You Need to Succeed.” Her new book is “My Mother, My Mentor: What Grown Children of Working Mothers Want You to Know.” Learn more about the author at www. mymothermymentor.com
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Through the Eyes of an Educator by Sheena Fowlie Why I Love Being a Montessori Teacher In university the Montessori philosophy of education was just a few pages in a philosophy textbook. It wasn’t until I received a position at a Montessori school and began my training that I realised that this was the teaching style for me. As I read a description of the class as a hum of focussed activity, with children working individually or in small groups on different subjects and topics simultaneously, I realised that that was exactly what I wanted my classes to be.
what they work on when. It is not a free for all, and doing nothing is not a choice, but each child is observed and given the lessons and materials they specifically need. Montessori teaching is meant to give children confidence and independence. The focus in the early years on practical life skills is the first step, allowing them to learn to do “grown-up� jobs, such as sweeping, folding, and preparing food. This continues as they get older and are guided to complete engaging experiments and projects as independently as possible. My goal is to inspire a love of learning and provide the skills to allow lifelong learning. Teaching this way requires a lot of careful thought and preparation, but there is nothing more rewarding than stepping back and observing that busy and contented hum in my classroom. Sheena Fowlie Head of School Summerland Montessori School
The Montessori philosophy of education is complex, but if I have to sum it up I describe it as learning that is hands-on, builds a strong foundation of reading, writing and math, allows the children to explore in detail the topics that interest them, and places a large focus on practical life and social skills. If you come into my classroom the most obvious difference from typical schooling you would notice is that students are doing a variety of activities and choosing 20 l Winter 2015
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Resource Directory This Issue Brightpath Early Learning & Child Care www.brightpathkids.com 250.860.9788 Kelowna 250.452.6866 Westbank
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hautemama www.hautemama.ca 1.866.615.3800 Maternity, nursing and beyond Kelowna & District Safety Council www.kdsc.bc.ca info@kdsc.bc.ca 250.765.3163 FB 888.580.7233 NOYSA www.vernonsoccer.ca www.whitecapsfc.com/okanagan Okanagan Foster Parent Association www.okfosterparents.ca information@okfosterparents.ca Peekaboo Beans www.peekaboobeans.com www.peekaboobeans.com/homeSite/ findStylist.aspx Penticton Bereavement Resource Centre www. pentictonbereavementresources.com 250.490.1107 Pinnacles FC www.pinnaclesfc.com 778.476.5888
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How to Cope When Your Child is Hospitalized by Sue LeBreton Caring for your child while they are in the hospital is a very stressful experience, especially when the period of hospitalization extends beyond a few days. Your worry about your child’s medical condition is compounded by living in a foreign environment and still trying to meet the demands of normal life. Although you will be tempted to abandon all self care and expend every ounce of your energy toward caring for your sick child, this is not a great strategy. Remember the airline’s advice that you give yourself oxygen first so that you can care for your child during an in-flight emergency? Living in the hospital is similar. You need to practice self care in order to stay strong and healthy so that you can comfort and support your sick child. This is not easy for mothers because we go into “mother bear” mode as soon as our children are threatened in any way. However, extreme situations like this call for extreme self care. Here are some coping tips that helped me when I lived in the hospital for months while my daughter was undergoing chemotherapy.
1. Bring some softness with you. Facial tissue in hospitals is often of lower quality so it becomes a valued comfort to have the softness of good tissue to wipe away tears for either you or the patient. Consider pillows or blankets from home to soothe you, just be sure to check with the hospital about rules around personal belongings. 2. Go into nesting mode. If possible bring some toys or comfort objects from home. Posters or bright photos can break up the impersonal, sterile feeling of a hospital room. 3. If you are in a shared room, make an effort preserve some semblance of privacy. Headphones allow you and your child to listen to music or movies without disturbing a roommate and vice versa. 4. Take time away from the hospital. If you follow one tip, choose this one. Perhaps you and your husband or another family member can take shifts at the hospital. 5. Move. Stand up and stretch periodically. A short walk, ideally outside, will activate your feel good hormones and the change of scenery may alter your perspective. 6.
Keep in touch with friends and family on your terms. Use email, a blog or other electronic communication to update people about your child’s condition. This reduces the burden of repeating 22 l Winter 2015
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your story multiple times and eliminates the need to respond when you are tired or feeling emotionally fragile. 7. Say yes to offers of help. This can be especially difficult if you are accustomed to being the giver. Save your energy for caring for your hospitalized child and offer others the pleasure of supporting you for a change. 8. Allow your manners to slip, just a little. Most people do not expect a thank you for every gesture of kindness or support. Your energy is best directed at caring for your family right now. When the crisis has passed you can thank people as a group via an ad in your local paper, on your blog, or through the mass email list you created. 9. Look for laughter. Try to find a way to laugh every day whether it is by watching a funny show, subscribing to a comedy podcast or reading the comics. 10. Practice gratitude. Look for something to be grateful for each day. Writing down three things for which you are grateful will lift your spirits. Say thank you often
to the medical staff caring for you and your family, it will help you all feel a bit better. 11. Don’t be surprised if the stress affects your attention span. If you are a reader, magazines may be a better fit than books that require your full attention. Conversely, a truly escapist read may transport you from this situation for brief periods. Experiment and see which form helps you the most. 12. When you leave the hospital for some respite, because you must, spend a few minutes doing something you love, something that makes you lose track of time. This will recharge your coping batteries. 13. Breathe in for a count of four and exhale to a count of six. Repeat this for several minutes to activate your relaxation response. Practice this any time you notice that you are holding your breath. Be kind to yourself during this trying time. Treat yourself as you would treat your best friend and you will shore up your emotional reserves so that you can care for your beloved child during their illness. SueLeBreton is a freelance writer with two children. She continues to practice the self care she learned while living in hospital.
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