O N A
Changing the world, one tit at a time.
ISSUE 3
ÂŁ3.99
HARRIETT
Thanks for stopping by ONA again! This issue has truly been a whirlwind of crazy to put together, but I think you’ll agree that it came out roses. We have had the pleasure of featuring some amazing illustrators this issue with everyone from Jessica Vaughan to Venus Libido. This month we wanted to celebrate female artists and share their work with all of you lovely people, feel free to pull out some images to decorate with! It has been such great fun working on this issue, meeting and working with all the fabulous people who have helped to bring this cover to life! I hope you have as much fun reading ONA as we did making it. Till next month, beauties!
FROM THE EDITORS LAUREN
Welcome back to ONA. Being an editor of this magazine has opened up my eyes to many things, but this issue especially. I’ve realised during the making of this issue that everyone is different and have their own strengths and struggles. It’s very easy to get wrapped up in your own life and own work that you can tend to forget that everyone isn’t the same as you. I’m sure we’re all guilty of it sometimes and when things aren’t going your way, you get frustrated at the world. As Ferris Bueller once said, “life moves pretty fast if you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it”. This has been my favourite issue to be a part of and I hope you enjoy it too. Check out a feature on how to be a ‘bad bitch’ on page 40 for a slice of female liberation and how to love yourself. There’s also a great thought provoking piece on mental health as part of our ‘A Day In The Life Of…’ segment, that will really make you think about everyone’s day-to-day fight with their own mind. Also if you’re feeling adventurous, why not read our ‘Sex Toy Of The Issue’, where one cheeky member of staff has written a review on a new lube they’ve recently tried out. It features the phrase ‘slip and slide’, so it’s very much worthy of a read! As always, we love our ONA audience to get involved so Tweet us at @1titatatime with any submissions or suggestions that you may have. We may make this magazine, but this is a magazine for you.
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A Breakdown Of Breast Cancer
Attention Ladies!
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A Day in The Life Of
How To Check Your Boobs
13 Rapi Kaur
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The Low-Down On Contraception
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Domestic Abuse: An Eye Opener
30 The Big Date Debate
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Embarrassing Sex Stories
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Be A Bad Bitch Like Me
Young Pregnancy
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FEMALE LIBERATION
ATTENTION LADIES! Here at ONA we are calling upon you, our readers, to truly embrace yourselves. Embrace your skin, your body, your sexuality. Love your whole being. We know we can’t change the world overnight, but we can make a start; and we believe that the start of change for the young modern woman begins with loving and respecting herself. In ONA you will find a magazine centered around empowerment. We want to create a space that promotes the beauty in all shapes, sizes, colours and abilities. You’ll find a frank and unapologetic take on modern life, and the often overlooked challenges young women face. We encourage you to get as involved as possible by interacting with our social media and getting in contact. ONA is about all of us, and we interact very closely with our readership. Send us your stories, share your opinions, because we want to hear you. ONA is a family, and when you read us you become apart of it.
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MENTAL HEALTH
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MENTAL HEALTH
A Day In The Life Of... someone with anxiety
8am – Waking up
8:15am – Shower time
What time is it? Shit, have I overslept? What am I doing today? I need to get up. What if something bad happens to me today? What if there’s a terrorist attack in town? What if I get hit by a car? What if someone stabs me in the street? Maybe I should stay in bed. I can’t stay in bed, people will think I’m lazy. Or weird. But what if something bad happens to me? What if something bad happens to my boyfriend? Or my family? I hope my nana is okay. What if she’s fallen over and hurt herself? What if she’s just died in her sleep? I should go home and see her. What if I can’t afford the train fare? What if I have no money at all? How am I meant to pay rent? What if I have to drop out of uni and go home? What am I meant to do then? How will I get a job? How will I survive?
I hope my housemates don’t need the bathroom. What if they do? I should have asked first. What if they hate me now? What if they kick me out the house? What if they kill me in my sleep? What if I slipped in the shower right now? No one would be able to help, the door is locked. What if I just died in the shower? That would flood the whole bathroom. Is that a weird mark on my leg? What if I have an illness? I don’t have time to go to the doctors. What if I can’t get a doctors appointment? What if I suddenly just die cause of the illness in my leg? What if my boyfriend moves on when I die? What if he loves her more than he loved me? What if his family prefer her over me? What if I’m forgotten?
9:30am – Walking to university Have I got everything? What if I don’t have my keys? Better check again. Did I lock the door?
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MENTAL HEALTH
What if we get burgled? Are my steps too loud? Are people staring? Is my outfit weird? Has my makeup smudged? I’m so ugly. Did I lock the door? Have they cancelled my lesson without telling me? What if they’re all playing a trick on me? I know no one likes me at uni. Is it cause I’m weird? That bird is about to kill me. That man could just grab me and take me right now. Did I lock the door?
What if I never get married? What if I never get a good job? What if I fail this degree? Then what? What if someone just came in and killed everyone? No one likes me in this class. How can I get all these deadlines in in time? I should have stayed in bed.
2pm – Back home
I should catch up on uni work. I have too much to do. Where do I start? What if I don’t do it all in time? It’s going to be shit anyway. I’m so stupid. Why am I at university? If I don’t do it, I’ll fail and have to go back home. Everyone will think I’m a failure. What if I embarrass my family? What if they disown me? I don’t have many friends at uni. Maybe everyone hates me? What if the friends I do have hate me? Why does everyone hate me?
10am – In a lecture
What if I fail this degree? Why don’t I understand? Am I stupid? Everyone else knows what they’re doing. The board isn’t very clear. Do I need glasses? Am I going blind? What if I go blind and never get to see the world again? What if my nana doesn’t get to see me get married?
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MENTAL HEALTH
10pm – Bedtime
What if my boyfriend hates me? Maybe he feels stuck with me. What if he loves someone else? Maybe I’m boring? Or weird? Or annoying? Maybe it’s because of my anxiety? I’m so stupid. Am I ruining people’s lives cause of my anxiety? Do they hate me because of it? Am I an embarrassment? I should start just staying my room. I shouldn’t leave the house.
I should be downstairs hanging out with the girls. What if they hate me for not coming out my room? What if they’re talking about me? This is why you have no friends. This is why everyone hates you. This is why you’re alone. I’m so stupid. What if someone sets the house on fire while I’m asleep? What if I die in my sleep? What if someone breaks in? What if someone in my family dies overnight? What if they hate me because I’m at uni and not at home? I have so much work to do tomorrow. What if I fail? My boyfriend has gone to bed early. What if he hasn’t actually gone to bed? What if he’s with someone else? What if he never actually loved me? I’m so stupid. What if something bad happens to me tomorrow? Maybe I should stay in bed. I can’t stay in bed, people will think I’m lazy. Or weird. But what if something bad happens to me?
6pm – Cooking dinner I hate using the gas oven. What if there’s a gas leak? What if I set the house on fire? What if it explodes? What if it kills me? What if get food poisoning? Or choke on my food? What if no one can help me? What if I die? I just won’t eat tonight.
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“i want to apologize to all the women i have called beautiful before i’ve called them intelligent or brave i am sorry i made it sound as though something as simple as what you’re born with is all you have to be proud of when you have broken mountains with your wit from now on i will say things like you are resilient, or you are extraordinary not because i don’t think you’re beautiful but because i need you to know you are more than that” - Rupi Kaur
REAL LIFE
A Breakdown of Breast Cancer On 16th September 2015 Maria, 49 was diagnosed with breast cancer. She was stood in front of her bathroom mirror when she found the small, painful lump on her right breast. DIAGNOSED After finding the lump Maria booked an appointment with her local GP. As the lump was painful and she had no previous family history of breast cancer, the doctor thought it was a blocked milk duct. However, because of Maria’s age he booked her in for a mammogram and core biopsy for a week’s time. “The core biopsy was excruciatingly painful. The needle had to pass through my breast and into the tumour to take sample tissue cells.” Maria was then taken up to reception where she was booked in to see a Surgeon in a few days time. The mass would have been removed anyway; even if it were benign [noncancerous]. “I could tell from his face that he knew it was bad news”. It was there that Maria was diagnosed with grade three invasive ductal carcinoma, which is the most common form of breast cancer. It
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develops from a milk duct and spreads through the fat of the breast. As the cells were invasive [able to spread to other parts of the body] an operation was booked for four weeks. In that time Maria underwent a full body MRI scan, a CT scan and an X ray. OPERATION Before the operation Maria’s breast was injected with a blue dye that would detect if the cancer had spread to the lymph nodes. The lymph nodes are small glands located throughout the body and act as an important part of the immune system. As well as removing the lump, the surgeon also removed 17 lymph nodes. This left a scar around the nipple and under the armpit. After the operation Maria had a drainage bag attached to her armpit for a week, which allowed excess water and blood to be removed. CHEMOTHERAPY Once the healing was more or less complete the treatment could begin. On 31st December 2015, Maria had her first
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chemotherapy session. This would be the first of six sessions. The first three sessions used an intravenous drip system. It consisted of four epirubicin [a red fluid] and two cyclophosphamide [a white fluid], which entered directly into the veins. The last three sessions used a drip method, which took much longer. Before each chemotherapy session Maria had to take an anti-sickness drug, steroids and have a blood test. She then continued to take the drugs for the next three days after the treatment. On the third day Maria had to start having injections, which lasted for the next five days, filled with white platelets. At first a nurse would visit her home but this could be at any time of day, leaving Maria waiting around. Instead she decided to inject herself. The nurse showed her how to mix the solution and set up the syringe. After this Maria had the next two weeks to rest, until it all started again. During her first chemotherapy session Maria tried out the cold cap, which she describes as “the most painful experience I’ve ever had to endure. It felt like someone was holding the top of my head in an ice bath and I wasn’t able
REAL LIFE
to move.”The cold cap is designed to prevent hair loss by reducing the amount of chemotherapy that reaches the hair follicles by using a gel that is chilled to around -4 degrees Celsius. It has to be worn for an hour before, an hour of and an hour after the treatment, so a total of three hours. Maria asked her surgeon if it was worth it and he told her that due to the strength of the drugs she was on that it was unlikely to prevent hair loss. RECOVERY Maria explains that the worst part of her cancer treatment was losing her hair. After the second chemotherapy session Maria woke to find hair all over her pillow. It took a long time to build her confidence back up but she admits finding a realistic wig really helped, “I would never have left the house again without it. The wig allowed me to feel like me again and people couldn’t even tell the difference”. Maria also recommends keeping up a regular beauty regime. “Using dark nail varnish to disguise yellow, broken nails. Having a bright lipstick to take attention away from my wig and using dark eyeliner to make it look like I had lashes really helped.” RADIOTHERAPY On 1st May, Maria started her radiotherapy treatment, which destroys the remaining cancer cells in that area. It consisted of 25 sessions. The first 20 were of normal strength and sat over
SIDE EFFECTS I experienced complete loss of hair, including on my head, my eyelashes, eyebrows and all pubic hair. . Other side effects included loss of taste and sores appearing on the inside of my mouth, making it hard to eat. My doctor prescribed me a mouthwash that helped with the sores inside my mouth but unfortunately didn’t change the taste of food. My body ached constantly. It felt like I was a lead balloon, which made it really had to do daily tasks. My doctor prescribed me water retention tablets to help with the excess fluid. Chemotherapy caused my immune system to drop because it kills off healthy white blood cells, which help fight infections. This meant I was constantly suffering from chest infections and was on antibiotics a lot of the time. Another side effect was having to watch your temperature. If it were to rise above 38 degrees Celsius then I had to go straight to A&E because it could mean my body has an infection. I made sure to drink a lot of water to stay hydrated. Finally, I will have to take tamoxifen every day for the next 10 years, which has bought the menopause on early meaning I’m either in a hot flush or a cold sweat.
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the breasts. The last 5 were intense booster sessions on the tumour bed. This took place every Monday to Friday for 5 weeks and the sessions would usually last around 30 minutes. The side effects of radiotheraphy are far less traumatic than chemotherapy and mainly consit of the breast feeling hard and heavy. There can also be some swelling and redness around that area and the high energy rays can cause fatigue [tiredness]. FREEDOM At the end of June 2016 the treatment had finished and Maria was cancer free. “It was bizarre. I said to my surgeon, so is that it? I had just got used to being at the hospital that it would be strange not going anymore”. For the next five years Maria will have yearly mammograms and chats with her surgeon. She must also take care of her arm where the lymph nodes were removed because a slight break in the skin could cause lymphedema, which is a build up of excess fluid that causes swelling and sometimes infection. Now the treatment is over, Maria wants to encourage women to check their breasts more regularly and to help anyone else who may be in this situation by starting up a personal blog where she can write down all her thoughts and feelings. She is also planning on taking part in the London Moonwalk this year to raise money for cancer related charities.
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REAL LIFE
How To Check Your Boobs Check again with your arms in the air. Are there any changes in your boobs shape, colour or size?
Keep your shoulders back and hands on hips while looking in the mirror. Are there any noticeable changes?
Use your finger pads to check your boobs. Keep your fingers flat and together while using small circular movements.
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Check all over your boobs and around under your armpits.
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REAL LIFE
Is there any discharge, liquid or crusting around the nipples?
Are there any lumps, swelling or changes in skin texture? This can include a rash, dimpling or redness.
Try checking every time you have a shower because when the skin is wet it’s easier for your hand to glide across the surface.
Can you feel any constant unexplained pain in your breast or armpit?
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#GIRL VS CANCER TIT-TEE SHOP
Grab Breast Cancer by the boobs and beat the cancer taboo in our range of sassy slogan t-shirts. http://www.girlstolelondon.co.uk/girl-vs-cancer-shop/
REAL LIFE
Embarrassing Sex Stories
Everyone loves swapping their most embarrassing sex stories, so ONA asked our readers for their naughtiest ‘sex’scapades for your enjoyment…
“One time I was traveling home from university on the train and was in a little world of my own. The train guard came over to me asking to see my ticket and as I was rummaging through my handbag to get my train pass, I accidently threw my Pill packet at him instead! At least he knows I’m protected…”
“I used to sleep with a guy back in college who thought he was all that. He was your typical lad with tribal tattoos, gym membership and a bottle of Invictus – he was what we now call a ‘fuck boy’. All the girls at college were jealous of me, but they needn’t be, his sex game was weak! One time we’re fooling around on his family’s living room sofa, we’re ‘doing the deed’ and he’s shouting out that he’s close to finishing. Little did he know the whole time he had in fact been having sex down the middle of the sofa and was about to finish all over his mum’s best cushions. He’d somehow missed my vagina completely and placed himself in the sofa. I’m not sure who was more embarrassed, him for shagging furniture or me whose vagina apparently has the same texture as a three-piece suit.”
Amy, 24
“After a university night out I woke up in a guys bed the next morning. Everything was fine until I realised I had an important tutorial with my course leader in fifteen minutes! All I had with me was the outfit I had worn the night before and my bright pink clutch bag and heels; I didn’t even have a coat. It was the middle of January and was torrential raining outside, so I had to borrow this lads coat to leave, leaving my dignity behind. Doing the ‘walk of shame’ is bad enough, but doing the ‘walk of shame’ to uni wearing a cocktail dress and a coat that clearly isn’t yours, is mortifying. I walked into my meeting, my lecturer looked at the absolute mess stood in front of them and simply asked, “good night?”.”
Lauren, 22
Georgina, 21
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When I was younger I used to work in retail and started sleeping with a guy that I worked with. He had a thing about giving me lovebites and neck was constantly covered in them. I was living at home at the time, but always found a way to hide them from my parents. However, my work uniform didn’t cover them, so they were always on show when I was working. One day in store, my parents turned up unexpectedly and caught me and lovebites off guard. To make matters worse, when my mum questioned me about them, the guy who I was sleeping with was on the till next to me and winked at her! He’d unknowingly exposed our sex life to my whole family. It’s not often in retail that you wish your shift was longer so you don’t have to go home!
“It was Christmas time and I was having sex with a guy on his sofa. I was in a position that meant I was facing the beautifully decorated Christmas tree. The sex wasn’t great and if anything I was more interested in the fairy lights and ornaments in front of me. This guy must have realised I was getting bored and gave an almighty thrust. At the same time he thrusted, my arm gave out and I went flying head first into the tree! Not only did I crash into the tree, one of the branches poked me directly in the eye. I screamed out in pain and collapsed naked onto the floor. For the rest of the festive season I had a very suspect looking black eye. Let’s just say, I was no longer in the Christmas spirit!”
Rebecca, 23
Jodie, 25
“A few years ago I was sleeping with this guy. We decided to spice it up a bit and try having sex in his car. One night he drove me home and thought it would be the perfect opportunity to try it out; my road was very secluded and it was dark out. Feeling adventurous I climbed onto him sat in the driver’s seat. However, I had underestimated the size of my bum because as I climbed over, I knocked the headlights on, the windscreen wipers started going and I beeped the horn! I’d accidently drawn the whole streets attention to us in the car. I could see all my neighbour’s curtains twitching and I dived into the back seat to hide in shame. Myself and this lad didn’t last much longer after that; maybe we can reconcile if he gets a bigger car…”
“One time I was at my then boyfriend’s house. His parents were out and we were in his room taking full advantage of this. The house was empty, so we were making a whole lot of noise and the headboard was banging, when suddenly we heard the toilet flush. Nope, the house wasn’t as empty as we thought. Turns out his dad had come home early, brilliant. Now, this was a fairly new relationship and I was yet to meet his family. Completely mortified, we went downstairs to introduce me to his dad properly. The whole experience was awful and there was the hugest elephant in the room. Luckily, the relationship was very short and I never had to face his dad again after that.”
Lily, 18
Jess, 22
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SEXUAL HEALTH
A condom here and a condom there. STI’s nowhere
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SEXUAL HEALTH
The Low-Down On Contraception You can’t be too careful when it comes to contraceptives. There’s many available, but how do you know which one is right for you? It’s not an easy decision but at ONA, we’re here to help you out with our guide to all things contraceptive!
Contraceptive Cap
Contraceptive Implant
The cap is a spherical dome which covers the cervix which is made of thin, soft silicone and is inserted before you have sex. It must remain covering the cervix for 6 hours after sex and then taken out and washed so it can be re-used. The cap comes in a variety of sizes so is essential it is fitted correctly by a nurse and is most effective when used with spermicide. When used properly, it’s up to 92-96% effective! Advantages: • There are no health risks • You can put the cap in a few hours before sex in case you forget Disadvantages: • It can take a while to learn how to use because it needs to be placed correctly • It can sometimes cause irritation to both you and your partner
The Implant is a very small tube placed just under the skin of your upper and usually non-dominant arm. It’s one of the most effective contraceptives at 99% and lasts up to 3 years. It’s a great option for those who don’t plan on getting pregnant for a while or don’t trust themselves in remembering to take the pill every day. Advantages: • Once it’s inserted, you don’t need to worry for a long time • If after 3 years you decide you don’t want a replacement, fertility returns to normal very quickly. Disadvantages: • For some, periods can change dramatically when the implant is inserted. • The area of skin where the implant is fitted can sometimes become infected
Female Condoms
Combined Pill
This contraceptive is not as heard of and easily accessible as others. The female condom is a pouch inserted in to the vagina and essentially and does the same job as male condoms by preventing sperm from reaching the eggs. It is also the only contraceptive that prevents both pregnancy and STD’s with a 95% effective rate. Advantages: • They’re reliable and suitable for unplanned sex • No medical side effects Disadvantages: • They’re very limited in where they’re sold • Due to only being sold in limited places in the UK, they can be expensive
The Pill is taken daily and one of the best contraceptives out there. One of the most popular choices, there are three main types you can choose from: Monophasic, Phasic and Every day and 99% effective! To find out which pill best suits you, always discuss with your doctor. Advantages: • It makes your bleeds far less tender and heavy • It reduces any symptoms of PMS Disadvantages: • It doesn’t protect you against STD’s • Spotting of blood is very common in the first few months
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SEXUAL HEALTH
Contraceptive Injection
There are three types of Contraceptive Injection: Depo-Provera, Sayana Press or Noristerat Advantages: • Each injection lasts for either 8, 12 or 13 weeks. • It can reduce heavy and painful periods. Disadvantages: • Disrupted periods are very common • There’s a chance of weight gain
Contraceptive Patch
The patch is stuck to a part of your body which is preferably dry with not much hair and releases progestin and estrogen through your skin. The UK brand is called ‘Evra’ and is over 99% effective. Each patch is used for a week at a time for three weeks, with no patch being worn on the fourth week so you can have a period. Advantages: • It’s easy to use • It can help reduce the risk of ovarian, womb and bowel cancer Disadvantages: • It can be visible depending where you wear the patch • It doesn’t protect you against STD’s
The Progestogen-Only Pill
As it says in the name the Progestogen Only Pill only contains Progestogen. Like other contraceptive pills, it must be taken around the same time every day and is highly effective at 99%. Advantages: • It’s useful for women who can’t take the hormone oestrogen which is in the combined pill, contraceptive patch and vaginal ring. • It’s useful in reducing symptoms of PMS and painful periods. Disadvantages: • There’s a chance you may no longer have regular periods. • It doesn’t protect you against STD’s.
Contraceptive Diaphragm
A diaphragm is a thin, silicone cup that is inserted in the vagina and covers the cervix; it must be used with spermicide. Like the cap, it’s re-usable, comes in different sizes, is 92%-96% effective and has no serious health risks. Advantages: • You can put it in hours before you have sex • You’re in complete control of your contraception Disadvantages: • It provides limited protection against STD’s • Learning how to use it properly can take a while
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So there you have it ladies! There are pros and cons to any contraception that you use and it is important to remember that no single contraceptive will ever cover you completely. If you are unsure of what method to use or would like more information, speak with your local GP or go to www.nhs.uk ONA
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DRAW YOUR BOOBS HERE!
“Personally I think men should always pay because it makes me feel like a princess!” - Louise
“Split it? Surely if people want equality you split it, unless the other person says otherwise you should always pay for yourself.” Lawrence
“I think that the girl should at least offer to pay her half of the bill. Personally I would still pay for the first date, but it’s just nice to have the offer.” - Sam
“I would personally split the bill on the first date, equality and all that. But when it gets to like the third or fourth date, that’s when I’d start treating her and paying. It makes me feel like a man.” - James
WHO SHOULD PAY ON THE FIRST DATE? It’s an outdated idea that the guy should always have to pay on a date. The concept stems from women being seen as feeble, lesser beings who were incapable of having a job or basic rights. So obviously by not being allowed to work it meant that they were unable to provide for themselves, and so their suitor would pay. But this is the 21st century! We are more than capable of looking after ourselves and our share of the bill. Of course it is nice to be treated, just as it is nice to treat your partner, but how many modern women still believe it is their male counterparts duty to pay for them on a date?
“I think whoever initiated the date should pay, regardless of whether it was the guy or the girl.” - Kyomi
“I always offer to pay my half of the share, it’s down to manners.” - Hollie
We took to the streets to ask young people what their opinions were on the matter.
“Whoever asks the other on the date should pay- male or female.” - Elizabeth
“I’d always offer to pay, or at least pay half! But then it’s also nice to be treated. I don’t think it should always be expected of a guy because it’s supposed to be equal so there’s nothing wrong with a woman paying! Also men like to be treated too, ladies.” - Katie
Independent filthy doodled greeting cards www.etsy.com/people/rudooles
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Domestic abuse comes from those who you’re close to; those you hate to think a bad thought about.Those who you believe will try harder to be nicer, more approachable, to let you love them.They may have had guards up that you have fought to work through, through all of this, a mental tie is made, a connection few of your friends understand. Something you can’t come to terms with yourself, something so toxic it makes your whole body ache and makes each breath feel like stones are weighing your lungs down, not allowing gasps for air.
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One-quarter of women worldwide will experience domestic/dating violence in their lifetime, if any of this sound familiar to you, then take a seat with the rest of us. Sharon, 46, was just 18 when she got into a relationship with Michael, 30. By 24 she had four children to provide for and while Michael was in prison, she fled to the UK from Ireland, fearing for her and her children’s safety. “Things got intense fast, his behaviour was erratic and unpredictable” “I woke up one morning to take the kids to school, I found a vinegar bottle of petrol and two shot gun shells on my doorstep. Another time, he set my friends car on fire while it was parked 32
on the driveway and the kids and I were in bed.” “Across the road from the house was a field and he would sit behind a wall with binoculars watching the house all night. He would constantly accuse me of being a slut and a slag, telling everyone I had all of these new men.” “One night I was putting the kids to bed, one needed his bottle of milk so I went downstairs to get it. The next thing I saw was the front door flying off of the hinges and across to the stairs. I don’t know what it was, but something hit me hard on the head. There was blood everywhere and I saw Michael standing over me. I was in shock and the only thing I was thinking was to stop myself screaming or crying as I had ONA
to be quiet while the kids were in bed. He started kicking me and punching me and suddenly he was gone.”know what to do, and I couldn’t tell anyone what had happened. I especially couldn’t wake the kids.” Tears brim her eyes as soon as she mentions her kids, she would clearly do anything to keep them safe. It’s then I realise that these kids gave her an indescribable amount of strength. Through the pain and loss of blood, they are what kept her together, against all odds. At about 3am Sharon’s parents turned up at the house. “They had been at the local pub, Malloys, and told me Michael had been sat at the bar telling everyone who would listen that I’d run off with another man. Telling people I knew that I had broken his heart and been so
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The First Steps To Leaving The Abuse In The Past Acceptance
You must accept what is happening in order to more on. The initial realisation that you’re a victim of this awful abuse will allow you to take the negatives and channel them into power. Tell yourself that you’re strong through the suffering and that there is no limit to your potential. You are more than strong enough to get through this blip in life and to leave it behind you.
Asking For Help
horrible to him.” “They saw all of the blood, the broken front door, and my injuries. I had to tell them what was happening for the first time. time. Every injury caused by him that I’d covered up, the times I’d ‘fallen down the stairs’ or ‘bumped into the door’. They were completely heartbroken; they didn’t even suspect a thing.” “There wasn’t really a law in place about domestic abuse and violence In Dublin at the time, we got him done for harassment eventually and breach of the piece. Even then he only got a few months. While he was in prison my parents helped me to pack and run. Four kids, two suitcases on the Irish Ferries ship to Holyhead in 2001.”
“He managed to find us by following us to the UK from Dublin when we went to visit mum and dad one year. He’s still followed us despite injunctions and court orders, he’s even tried to get custody of the kids but thank god with his record, social services thought he was a joke.” Sharon begs anyone in a similar situation to hers to seek help right away. “I was lucky to survive, not everyone does. I would urge anyone to take advantage of the new laws and seek as much help and support as they possibly could. Also to never give up fighting, after all, the abuser is the one in the wrong. When you’re in that shitty situation, you’ve got nothing to lose and years down the line you will be stronger and thankful you got away.” ONA
Many of us hate asking for help or opening up to people. But once everything is off of your chest, it’s easier to make a plan of action for making your life what you want it to be. It might be daunting but no one will judge you, or blame you. Remember ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’.
Know What Abuse Is
The more you read up on abusive behaviour, the more your eyes are opened and the abusive individual’s behaviour will make more sense. Never justify their behaviour and try to help them with their problems, as this will result in you being ‘sucked in’ once more to the control and manipulation without you realising it.
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THE HARD TRUTH ABOUT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE 85% of domestic violence victims are women. Yes, acknowledge that men are victims of this too. Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women - more than car accidents, mugging and rapes combined. Women 20-24 are at greatest risk of becoming victims 2 women are killed every week in England and Wales by a current or former partner. Globally, 1 in 3 women experience violence at the hands of a male partner. Every minute police in the UK receive a domestic assistance call - yet only 35% of domestic violence incidents are reported to police.
Who can be a victim of domestic abuse?
Anyone can be a victim of domestic abuse, any age, any gender, ethnicity, sexuality and race. Domestic abuse doesn’t discriminate
What to do if you’re a victim of domestic violence...
The first step of getting out of this tough situation, is to recognise it. Often abuse is psychological and it is hard to admit to anyone, let alone yourself, that the person you love isn’t treating you correctly. This may cause denial or dismissing the problem. Domestic abuse doesn’t always mean domestic violence. Domestic abuse is whenever someone in an intimate relationship is trying to take control of the other person in that relationship.
REAL LIFE
YOUNG PREGNANCY: TO DO OR TABOO?
Getting pregnant at a young age has always had a certain stigma attached to it regardless of whether the baby was planned or not. But are times beginning to change? To explore this further, we interviewed six women between the ages of 18-25 and discussed their views on young pregnancy, what they would do if they un-expectantly found themselves in that situation and whether or not they think there is still notable stigma attached to getting pregnant at a young age.
Meet the girls:
Astynn, 18
Sholte, 21
Fern, 20
Sharna, 20
Rebecca, 24
Beth, 22
What are your views on young pregnancy? Astynn: I think that each girl has a right to choose what they do with their own body and that no matter what their age, it doesn’t determine how good of a parent they will be. Sholte: I have never had any bad view. I think that if the individual is happy with their situation, then others shouldn’t try to criticise them for making a decision that ultimately is only going to affect their life. Fern: I believe that there are young mothers out there who are more than capable, so my view is positive. There are some young mothers more capable than older mothers. Sharna: Young pregnancy can be difficult as there is anxiety over how you are going to support and look after your child, but some young people manage with support from other family and friends. Rebecca: I think the age of the person matters much less than their maturity levels and the circumstances in which they got pregnant. Beth: Personally, I think if you’re under eighteen then having a child could make life a little harder. You also aren’t ready enough or mature enough to look after a child.
If you were in that situation unexpectedly, what decision would you make regarding whether or not to keep the child? Astynn: If I was in that situation, I would 100% keep the child as everyone has a right to life no matter what the reason. Sholte: I have a child of my own and when I found out about my pregnancy I wanted to keep it but still get advice. Fern: I myself fell unexpectedly pregnant at the age of seventeen. Once I found out, I instantly knew I wanted to keep the baby. I spoke with my partner who seemed happy and we went from there. Sharna: I have always said that I would never get an abortion because I do not agree with it, so I would keep the baby. Rebecca: My baby was planned; I had been with my fiancé for five years. However, if it was an unexpected pregnancy I still would have kept the baby as I have always wanted a child, no matter what age I was. Beth: If I fell pregnant unexpectedly and was under the age of eighteen, I think I’d have to get rid of it, as horrible as it sounds. I wouldn’t be mature or stable enough for a child.
Who would you go to for advice and help? Astynn: Obviously I would have to go the doctor like anyone, but I would get advice from my family too. Sholte: The first person I told was my older cousin who said I should do whatever made me happy. A few of my friends at the beginning were sceptical as I was so young and had planned a future and for this, my parents were unhappy. It is hard to get advice from anyone though as all their options are different and they often try to force their opinions on you. Fern: If I hadn’t already known my decision, I definitely would have gone to my mum and spoken to her.
Do you think falling pregnant at a young age can affect your employability? Astynn: I don’t think it would affect my employability as I believe I have a caring, supportive family who would help me through it. Sholte: It definitely effects my employability. From the very start of my pregnancy I had extreme morning sickness to the point I couldn’t even get out of bed and I was sick constantly throughout the day. Even now with my child being 15 months old, it is impossible to work as I can’t afford childcare. Fern: I haven’t personally gone back to work, however if I was on my own or my partner didn’t work, I think it would affect my employability. If that isn’t an issue though, I don’t see any reason why a child would affect you going to work. Sharna: I believe it would affect my employability massively if I fell pregnant as a child is a huge responsibility and is such a big change. Rebecca: It does have an effect. The government provides more help to those on lower income, however if you have a full-time job, you’re often worse off financially due to childcare costs. Often women are pushed into lowering their working hours to make having a job worthwhile. Beth: I think it depends on what your job is. People may not wish to employ someone that’s pregnant as they’d soon have maternity leave.
There has long been a stigma attached to young pregnancy. Do you think it has changed or is it still a big issue? Astynn: I do think it is still a big issue as a lot of people are constantly judging young parents, even if they are a good parent. Sholte: In my opinion, young pregnancy always has and always will have a stigma attached to it, mainly because it is often painted in the worst light in the public eye. Many people seem to have negative views on it either because a lot of young parents rely a lot/solely on benefits, or because a lot of the time, young pregnancy means that a child is going to be raised by a single parent. Fern: I think people overestimate the amount of young pregnancies and make out that it is more of a problem than it is. People make out that teenage pregnancies are getting worse when if you look at the figures, they have been falling in England. Sharna: You often see more young girls than older women with babies so I would say it is still a big issue. Rebecca: I think it’s more a sign of the times to see younger women with children, but it’s now more common to see these women managing to still build a career whilst also raising their child, which is such an achievement! People seem to forget that it used to be common for women to be young mothers, married and staying at home, as a classic housewife. Beth: I think young pregnancy is a huge issue and has only grown as the years have gone by. I have a lot of friends who are 16/17 and have children already or are pregnant.
After interviewing these six women, it Is obvious that whilst some views on young pregnancy have changed, the stigma surrounding it still seems to be an issue. This mainly seems to be due to the media’s portrayal, suggesting that young women are not capable of having a baby, regardless of whether it is planned or unexpected.
Sharna: Although I would keep the baby, I would still ask my family and friends for advice and help. Rebecca: I had to seek some help at the one-to-one centre because I had previously been getting the Depo Injection and it wasn’t leaving my system. It took me around a year to eventually get pregnant! Beth: I would ask my family for advice.
What are your thoughts? Join the discussion on Twitter @1titatatime
SEXUAL HEALTH
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ONA
sex toy of the issue For this issues instalment of Sex Toy Of The Issue, we thought we’d change it up a little bit. Today we have a lube review from the Ann Summers collection, so lube up and let’s go! Now, I was a complete lube virgin before using the Ann Summers Strip Bare Fragrance Free Lube recently. I’ve never had an ‘issue’ in that department before shall we say, however I had used moisturiser as a replacement in the past, I know, my poor vagina! The thought of lube had never crossed my mind, but when in Ann Summers recently I thought why not give it a go! Ann Summers have a huge range to choose from for all your needs, but as this was my first time using it and my skin can be very sensitive, I went for the fragrance free option. This water based lubricant is kind and gentle to the skin, which is exactly what I wanted. The product is colour and odour free and leaves no trace of greasiness and stickiness. There’s nothing worse than feeling messy or sticky after sex and I was so happy that it was hassle free. It’s also important to note that I had fake-tan on at the time and the product didn’t make it budge at all, result! Now down to the nitty gritty, my goodness this product works; it was like a bloody Slip ‘n’ Slide! I would highly recommend this product if you’re a fan of lube in the bedroom or feel like experimenting like I did. As mentioned, Ann Summers has a wide variety of lube options to choose from, with anal lube to tingle lube, flavoured to warming or simply multi-lube for everything and anything. All these lubes can also be used with all condoms and toys of your choice. You can get a 100ml tube of Ann Summers Strip Bare Fragrance Free Lube for £8, with the store often running a ‘buy one, get one half price’ offer. So what are you waiting for, get yourself down to your nearest store and try it out for yourself. Have fun, I know I did!
ONA
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BE A BAD BITCH LIKE ME
Being a bad bitch isn’t about never letting a smile spill across your face and having your resting bitch face down to a T. It’s all about loving yourself and being true to you. You will probably have noticed by now, life likes to test everything you do. Having a strong bad bitch game will only allow you to keep your cool and laugh off life’s little tests; grab a glass of prosecco and your pj’s, I’m about to change your life.
SELF LOVE The most important factor in life. Always take care of yourself first. That doesn’t mean not caring about anyone else, but how can you expect to do anything for anyone else if you’re falling apart? Take time to do things for yourself. Read, write, sing, dance, nap, paint your nails, sculpt a great skincare routine, take a bath with candles. Yeah this may take time out of the little time you have left to do that assignment, but it’s a lot less time then what you would spend procrastinating instead. You will feel ready to be productive afterwards while procrastinating will make you put everything else wholeheartedly instead of feeling as though you’re falling into a deep dark pit of crap to do. You will find that this allows you to tackle things in life more manageably that previously seemed daunting.
CONFIDENCE Confidence doesn’t always come naturally, I get it girl, I feel ya. But here’s a little secret that will blow your mind. The ‘Fake It Until You Make It’ practice. Basically, the more that you fake your confidence, it will start to come naturally. Each time you are in a situation where you must fake confidence, you will feel overcome with ‘bad bitch’ hormones, otherwise known as adrenaline, and feel like you can take on the world, which you absolutely can. The most confident people even do this, even Beyoncé gets nervous before blowing the whole planets mind on that stage.
EXERICISE Don’t you dare think ‘oh this is the part where I have to get skinny to be anything in life’, pipe down bad bitch and listen to your mama. This is exercise to feel good, not to lose weight. Exercise releases endorphins to make you feel happier. Even if it is just ten minutes of light stretching a day, you will feel like you have your shit together and you will have 100% more energy and be more productive too.
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KNOW YOURSELF
Knowing yourself is key to ultimate happiness. You know what you want, what makes you happy and what doesn’t. If someone is blowing your happiness, remove them from your life. If you’re sad, cancel out the thing that’s making you unhappy and turn it into something that makes you thrive. Know that you may be the only person that has your back 100% of the time, so don’t rely on everyone else to fix your problems all of the time. Being a bad bitch isn’t pretending to be like someone else all of your life, although H you may be channelling your inner Miley occasionally (aren’t we all). Being a bad bitch is all about channeling the true you and not giving a fuck about what everyone else thinks of it!
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Y N O G A T N U A Got a problem? Ask ONA! Email our agony aunt for one to one advice and the chance to be featured.
agonyaunt@ona.com You can also drop us a message on Facebook and Twitter via @ONA
Q. I recently found out that my boyfriend cheated on me and although it hurt initially, I want to stay with him. I’m worried about what my friends and family will think about him now though, as they all know what happened. What you do in your relationship is up to you, and ultimately your friends and family will accept that. But you have to remember that they only have your best interests at heart, and often they will hold deeper grudges than you because they’re the people closest to you and its what they do! But at the end of the day, if you’re happy they will accept that, just be aware that they might be wary of your boyfriend for a while, they’re just having your back though!
Q. I suffer from depression and want to go on birth control, I have heard the pill can have a really bad effect on your mental health but I don’t really know any alternatives, please help! Well don’t we have just the answer for you! In this issue we actually have a whole feature on birth control, their side effects and help on which to choose. It’s true that the pill can have a negative effect on your mental health, and certainly isn’t recommended if you already have problems in that area. I would recommend you have a look over on the article for some extra info.
Q. I’m only in my twenties and my boyfriend is over twice my age. I think he’s my soulmate, but I’m worried it won’t work out because of the age gap. Age gap relationships can be a tricky area, but given the right mind set can work just as well as any other relationship. You just have to make sure you’re on the same page with what you want, simple as that. If one of you is still wanting to go partying every night and ‘live life to the max’ whilst the other wants to settle down, it just wont work. You either need to be on the same page as eachother or come to a happy medium.
Q. I met my boyfriend on Tinder and we have a great relationship, but I haven’t told my parents how we met and I’m worried about how they will react. It’s the 21st century and lets face it, most couples these days seem to meet online in some way, shape or form. If you are really uncomfortable with the idea of them knowing then make up a cool story (I know plenty of people who have done this!) But bear in mind that you will have to keep up this charade for the length of your relationship! Ultimately though, they’re your parents, and if you’re happy and you’ve got a keeper then they’re sure there not going to care how you met, I’m have been worse unions!
Q. My boyfriend expects me to go down on him, but won’t return the favour! Is this normal, should I be annoyed? This seems to be a painfully frequent occurrence from the emails you guys send us. However my answer is yes, yes you should be annoyed. He has no right to expect oral sex from you if he isn’t going to give a little lovin’ back. See how he likes it if you refuse to go down on him for a while, and maybe he will change his tune.
Q. I have a long term boyfriend but I think I like his friend. We hang out together within our friendship group and I think I’m developing feelings for him! What do I do? This is a hard one as it depends on many factors. I’d suggest this though: is your relationship with your current boyfriend worth risking in order to pursue the possibility of a relationship with his friend? If you really think it is and you have thought through every possibility, then go for it, he could be your soul mate. But just be cautious, this could only be a crush, if you have been together with your current boyfriend for a long time then maybe you’re just out of the honey moon period and things are a bit stale. I’d suggest trying to spice up your current relationship before jumping ship.
Q. I found naked pictures of my boyfriends’ ex on his phone, I confronted him about it and he said I was over reacting and to stop acting ‘psycho’. We have been together for almost a year now, am I over reacting? That’s not okay. You’ve been together for long enough now that he really shouldn’t still have pictures like that on his phone, and to make you out to be the one at fault is downright controlling behaviour. Sure, it could be an accident and he might have not realised they were still on there (I say that’s unlikely) but if that was the case then he should have been apologetic towards you. Only you know your relationship, but to me he doesn’t sound like much of a keeper.
Thank you for coming along with us on this ONA journey. We’ve had our ups, we’ve had our downs and had many giggles along the way. We hope you’ve enjoyed reading this issue as much as we’ve enjoyed creating it for you. If you take anything from this issue, we hope it’s that women are amazing creatures, physically, mentally and sexually. YOU GO GIRL! Thank you to all the illustrators that collaborated with us throughout the issue and we encourage everyone to go check out their amazing work. Thank you and well done to the awesome ONA team and to you our great audience!
Words by: Harriett Douglas, Lauren Green, Rupi Kaur, Louisa Probert, Charlotte Walter & Kate Jeffcoate Imagery: Venus Libido, Violeta Vengaza, Girls Crush, Rudooles
CREDITS:
Words: Harriett Douglas Lauren Green Louisa Probert Charlotte Walter Kate Jeffcoate Rupi Kaur
Imagery: Violeta Vengaza Venus Libido Girl Crush Rudooles NHS
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How To Make Me Come 101 Dear men, If you’ve been handed this leaflet, I’m afraid we need to sit down together and have a little talk. You’re not satisfying your sexual partner. You can disagree all you want, but I hate to break it to you, it’s a fact. Fear not though, for us women at ONA have put together a quick guide on how to change this and turn you from a zero to a sexual hero. Want to take on the challenge? Follow inside...
Masturbation:
Female masturbation, two words that many people don’t believe go together. I’ll let you into a little secret though, women are really good at getting themselves off. Brilliant in fact. No one knows their body better than themselves and many women find some of their best orgasms have been administrated by their own hand. You go girl! Is your sexual partner already love the act of self-love, good on them! I hate to break it to you, but they’re most likely experiencing some of the best orgasms they’ll ever encounter in their life. They know what they like and how to act on it. Wanting to get involved? Good, as masturbation doesn’t always have to be done alone. Some women would love to be asked to watch them touch themselves, be brave and watch the show.
Oral sex:
“If you don’t eat pussy, keep walking” – Amy Poehler. Wiser words have not been spoken. Of course there are women who aren’t into receiving oral, but if there’s anything we’ve learnt from gossiping with friends, it’s that those women are in the minority. It appears that there is an overwhelming wave of women who
like having someone go down on them.This isn’t that surprising though considering statistics say around 70% of women can only achieve orgasm with clitoral stimulation, with oral sex being a great way to deliver this stimulation. However, not all guys are ‘into it’ and for those guys, that’s a real shame - for everyone involved. Orgasms are all about equal opportunity and unless you’re willing to live a life without blowjobs, it’s time to man up and eat that pussy!
Fake it till you make it:
Most women are guilty of putting on an Oscar worthy performance in the bedroom. Look out Meryl Streep! Even the greatest men in bed will have encountered a faker at some point in their sexual life; yes even you. We’ve all got our own reasons for faking it in bed occasionally. Sometimes we want to encourage our partner, sometimes we feel awkward just lying there and sometimes, we just want to get it over and done with. It’s not always because the sex is bad, but because us women have it in our heads that the louder we are, the less boring we may seem. No one wants
to be called boring in bed! Wanting to avoid the theatrics in the bedroom? Read on to learn how…
Just ask:
One thing that is clear is that there are a lot of things you guys can do to help your sexual partner achieve orgasm. Where there’s a positive, there’s always a negative meaning there are also a lot of things to avoid. Want to know what they are before you make that mistake? Ask. Yes, it really is that simple! Communication is key and it works both ways too. If you voice what you want in the bedroom, there’s more chance your sexual partner will open up too and you could discover you both want the same things. Win win! If you can trust each other another to be naked around each other, you can trust each to communicate efficiently. So get talking, you never know, a brand new sexual world could be ahead of you.
All women are different:
“Different strokes for different folks”, quite literally. Yes all women come with the same anatomy, but that doesn’t mean we all use it in the
same way. No two women are the same and everyone has a preferred way to reach orgasm. What worked for one of your sexual partners might not work for a different sexual partner, so don’t be lazy. Don’t assume just because you had Partner A screaming when you did that thing, that Partner B will be weak at the knees too. Some like it slow, some like it fast. Some like it dirty, some like it romantic. There are some things in life that you can do the ‘right’ way and some things you can do the ‘wrong’ way. Sex isn’t one them. Everyone is different. It all goes back to listening to and asking what your partner wants. Simple.
There we have it, a full proof plan to satisfy your sexual partner. You’re more than welcome. Now that you’ve read our helpful hints and tips, you can now go forward and impress those around you. Feel like giving it ago and want to tell us all about it? Feel free to Tweet us @1titatatime We can’t wait to hear all your sexy stories! Good luck!