LETTERS TO MY YOUNGER SELF

IF YOU COULD WRITE A LETTER TO YOUR YOUNGER SELF,

As always around the festive period, vendors across the International Street Paper Network (INSP) contribute to a collaborative feature. This year we celebrate INSP’s 25th anniversary by asking vendors to write to (or in some cases about) their 25-year-old self. The resulting feature is a twist on the now ubiquitous “Letter to My Younger Self” series made famous by The Big Issue in the U.K. (with the best of them now compiled into a book). For many street paper vendors, this meant dipping into the past. For others, it was a glimpse into the future. And for some, it was a good way to reflect on life right now. Vendors share stories of hardship and tales of hope. As usual, the list of vendors is eclectic and diverse, with nearly 50 vendors from 23 street papers across 17 countries. AND WELCOME TO 25 YEARS OLD.

You are still very young, and you have two very beautiful daughters. You’re separated from your husband, the father of both daughters. You dream of getting back together but you know in the back of your mind it won’t happen. The children will miss him and suffer the most, but they are a part of you too and you feel their pain. But you have each other and love each other very much, so that’s all that matters.

You enjoy time alone now since they started school and now it’s time to think about your future too. First you will get your diploma and learn a job skill. You like clerical work, so that’s your next plan which is successful.

You also notice parenting is becoming more of a responsibility: you have to be mom and dad. You’re alone, completely alone with two daughters – and it’s harder than you thought it ever would be. Where is this husband? Has he abandoned us completely? You feel sorry for the girls, but they are very young, so they don’t understand completely yet, and now it is time to begin letting go and live again.

The campus is a nice place to do this and that’s where we live. In University City you meet all nationalities and there’s nice parks for the children. They have an excellent school program and day care. You will meet new friends. But are too busy to think about anything else.

My favorite music is Madonna and Prince Hello 1989.

By Maria James One Step Away Vendor

BIGGEST ACHIEVEMENT WITH OSA

“Maintaining a place to live for the last 4 years, and getting an award for assisting in running One Step Away’s vendor site.” — Maria

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WHAT A GOOD NUMBER. 25 – what a good number. You entered religious life at 23 years of age. At this time, you have much strength and you are constantly on the move. You do many chores, some hard and heavy, but you are not bothered or hindered. Of course, being of the religious life, you are not under stress from paying bills and buying groceries, that’s Mother Superior’s responsibility.

As I write this, I am going to turn 62 in March, and there is so much stress now! I have learned a lot, but physically, I wish I was 25 again. Enjoy your youth. God bless and good luck.

SISTER MARIE

BIGGEST ACHIEVEMENT WITH OSA

“Since I’ve been with One Step Away, I have maintained my sobriety and maintained my housing.” — Charles

Two decades ago, as you turn 25, you are working for WebMD preparing for the Y2K switch and the implementation of HIPPA. It’s your first and last really corporate job.

You seem to have it really together. You realize you are in a dangerous relationship, but you don’t realize how dangerous. It will be several years before you will manage to leave Anthony, but you finally will, just before he gets his settlement, and it will save your life. A year later he will kill himself and the girl he dates immediately following you. If you can manage to cut this and other bad relationships shorter, you can save yourself over a decade of trauma and lost love.

In a couple of years, you will manage to go back to school. Try your hardest to finish this time. Maybe pick just one major. Maybe go back and finish your art degree instead. When tragedy strikes, and as I hinted, it will, don’t let it derail you.

You will get married and all of your siblings will follow. But if you and your spouse give in to your demons, you will have serious legal issues and your marriage will fail.

Do not follow any paths you already know to be dark. You learned lessons young about addiction, alcohol, crime, and exploiting yourself. Please remember to continue to apply them. If you forget, you’ll spend years institutionalized or in re-entry.

You eventually become ready to let your demons go and choose to follow God, and a way is prepared for you. With a lot of hard work and special help, you finally become free of them. But it takes you way too long and you pay way too high a price.

Seek a stronger and more consistent relationship with God. Build this relationship first before others. You will understand the importance of this by the time you find a man to fall in love with and want to build a life with. You will finally find him, and he will love you in a way you’ve never been loved. It will be amazing and worth the wait. He will love God as much as you do. You will pray together.

Cherish your family. You will lose your dad early and come close to losing your sister early. But, you, your mother, and your siblings, will all do a lot of work over years to heal from the trauma of your childhood. You all finally end up in a pretty good place, and your siblings build strong families.

Remember to make as much art and write as much as possible. These are your true gifts and you were given these amazing gifts to help others. You have a lot of beauty inside, don’t procrastinate sharing it.

I KNOW 25 IS HARD.

It is February 14, 2004 and you just turned 25. The world is crazy for you right now. You are deep into your drinking addiction. Your girlfriend died right before your eyes when she was with your child. You are in a deep depression. I know you are lost and confused.

Don’t give up. Life will get better. Stop drinking and get into a 12-step program. And if God is for you, then who can be against you.

My 25-year-old self, you would be very proud of me today. You’d be amazed that I became a writer and actor. You would have laughed at a street paper and would have never thought about selling it. Matter of fact, I know you would have looked down on a street paper. But it’s a legit jawn. Don’t give up, life will get better!

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