Shemini: Creeping Creatures
I sat in my meditation teacher’s office for a check-in on how my meditation practice was going. As I explained some of my recent struggles on the cushion and in my life, she stopped me mid-sentence.
“Why are you sitting like that?”
Surprised by the seeming non-sequitur, I looked down at myself. I was cross legged on a cushion, nearly knee-to-knee with her. My shoulders had rounded slightly as I was talking and I was slightly hunched-over.
“I’m not sure…” I responded, “I was just talking and stopped paying attention… ”
“Sit up straight.” She responded, looking directly into my eyes in her normal, piercing way. “You are stronger than you think, Yael. You can speak from that place of strength and carry yourself with that strength. Stop making yourself small.”
My first response after the discussion was to be angry. How dare she make assumptions about who I was based on a momentary posture-lapse? Then I realized that underneath the anger was shame. I was unconsciously genuflecting and lowering myself in her presence because I respected her, and at some point I learned that is what you do with people you respect. It seemed embarrassing and childish.
That incident, however, caused a seismic shift in how I began to carry myself in social and professional settings. I want to relate to others and the world from a place of strength, and I want to feel that strength – particularly in challenging moments. I want to be upright, honest and brave, and so I’ve been practicing. I pay attention to my posture while sitting and standing. I pay attention to my words and try not to qualify them or apologize for them preemptively. It’s not always easy, but I’m trying to let my inner holiness and strength emerge.
This week’s parsha (Torah Portion) devotes several verses to trying to help the Israelites understand their own inherent holiness and greatness and commanding them to act as such.
43 You shall not make yourselves abominable with any creeping creature that creeps, and
you shall not defile yourselves with them, that you should become unclean through them.
44 For I am the Lord your God, and you shall sanctify yourselves and be holy, because I am holy, and you shall not defile yourselves through any creeping creature that crawls on the ground.
- Leviticus Chapter 11 (43-44)
Although there are plenty of animals we are told not to touch or eat in this week’s parsha, the admonitions around “creeping creatures” seem particularly insistent and urgent (even more so than even the dreaded pig, which only gets a brief mention of impurity earlier in the chapter).
In emphasizing the abomination of associating with creeping creatures, God seems to be telling us to stop making ourselves small and insignificant Stop erasing ourselves, bringing ourselves low, making ourselves defiled and dirty and less-than. This is a powerful and important message for a newly-freed slave population, habituated to thinking of themselves as lowly and disposable.
45 For I am the one Who has brought you up from the land of Egypt to be your God. Thus, you shall be holy, because I am holy.
- Leviticus Chapter 11:45
We were not just brought out of slavery, we were brought up from the land of narrowness (Ha-ma-a-leh). The movement is one of being raised up, out of the muck, as we are made in the image of holiness and are holy ourselves.
What keeps us from absorbing this message? What keeps us slouching, hunkering, and crawling when we could be lifted and upright (figuratively, if not literally)?
Marianne Williamson argues that it is the fear of our own power. She writes:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we
unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Rabbi Alan Lew concurs. He argues that when God and Moshe repeatedly tell the Israelites not to be afraid in the Torah, they use the phrase, “Al-Tirei,” which is related to norah, a fear associated with coming into contact with energy or power that we are not accustomed to. “A new strength announces itself, a new energy bristles through our body,” Lew writes, “Norah is trying to push us open. The fear we experience at such times is simply our resistance to this opening.” (Be Still and Get Going, 69).
When I sit up straight and walk tall, with shoulders back and my heart exposed to the world, I feel the incredible power and terror of Norah. It is a practice of making myself both vulnerable and strong. It helps me to speak and act from my center and heart. Although at times it feels more comfortable and familiar to curl up and collapse into the darkness and hiding, I can hear God whispering to me: you are holy Don’t defile yourself by crawling around on the ground. Stand up. Speak from the gut. Heart out. Shine on.
The Institute for Jewish Spirituality’s mission is to develop and teach Jewish spiritual practices so that individuals and communities may experience greater awareness, purpose, and interconnection.
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