Yitro: How to Lead
My sister, Daviel Shy, is a filmmaker currently working on a large and ambitious project. When I asked her if and how she delegated the work, she answered,
“Delegation sounds like I, as the Director, have the outcome in mind, the correct vision of how to get to the outcome, and just choose a robot-person to carry out what I would do, if I had more time.”
“Yup,” I replied, “just replace “robot-person” with “intern” and you have most workplaces. “
Instead, my sister explains that she tries to do something much more radical and mindful. She tries to create the container for the project. She sets the tone and articulates the vision, provides the script and hires the cast and crew. Then, she told me, she watches and listens.
Each person brings to the set her own unique history, talents, gifts and ideas that only emerge as the film progresses. When each person is allowed to flower in his own way, my sister is there to guide and shift the entire project where it needs to go with this particular cohort of individuals and this particular weather pattern of circumstances on this particular day. She never abdicates her role or takes her hands off the steering wheel – she simply loosens her grip and trusts what emerges along the way. “That’s what makes it fun,” she explained to me, “that’s what makes the film grow up, away from you, and come alive on its own.”
I believe this is the exact lesson Moshe learns from his father-in-law in the parsha Yitro.
As the leader of the newly-freed Israelites, Moshe is engaged in the slightly ridiculous daily practice of acting as the judge (explicating God’s laws) for the people when they have trouble or disagreements with one another. This lasts all day, every day. Yitro, Moshe’s father-in-law, takes one look at this practice and tells Moshe, “The thing you are doing is not good (lo tov).” He continues:
18 You will surely wear yourself out both you and these people who are with you for the
matter is too heavy for you; you cannot do it alone. (Chapter 18)
Yitro speaks so crisply and makes the problems with Moshe’s approach so clear. This type of leadership is too top-heavy. It will lead to Moshe’s burn-out and will not serve the community. He has to stop carrying the role of judge and leader alone.
Many of us have either been in communities where this type of bottlenecked leadership is the norm, or have been the leaders in these scenarios, and have felt the unsustainable nature of these situations acutely.
Yitro tells Moshe to appoint wise, honest, and spiritual judges at multiple levels of leadership and create a structure whereby Moshe only sits in judgment on the most complex, difficult cases. In effect, he is telling Moshe that he has to let go. He has to trust. He has to let the project – the creation and sustenance of a nation – come alive and breathe and govern itself.
I have had to relearn this lesson again and again. As someone who has been “in charge” of some things – my company, Mindfulness Consulting, clubs and organizations in college and law school, even dinner with my family, I have suffered from the distinct delusional panic that arises if I let go and let someone else take the wheel of the project. “What if it fails?” my inner voice screams. I usually don’t allow it to speak more than that, as my answer is already clear and quick. “It won’t, because I will save it. I am the only one that can/is willing to save it.” And so I “save” it, which often means I cut other potential leaders out of the process, I overwork myself, and I become exhausted and resentful.
In my experience, the root of the problem is not just a martyrdom complex or a difficulty relinquishing control (although those certainly play a role). The problem is my ego clutching to itself. The project is MINE, its success or failure is MINE and it is all an extension of ME. Even when I think I’m doing the right thing in these scenarios by “saving the day,” what I’m doing is actually disrespectful to the community, to the people I’m serving, and the project itself. Melody Beattle writes, “rescuing stops people from learning the lessons Life is trying to teach them. We jam ourselves between people and God.”
Rashi agrees. Picking up on the fact that Moshe sat while the people stood in line to be judged, Rashi writes: “[Moses] sat like a king, and they [everyone who came to be judged] all stood. The matter displeased Jethro, that he [Moses] belittled the respect due [the people of] Israel, and he reproved him about it, as it is said: “Why do you sit by yourself, and they are all standing?” [from Mechilta]. Rashi thinks Yitro’s critique of Moses’s routine is not just about eventual burn-out for Moses but a question of respect for the Israelites and their capabilities. So Moshe, being the leader he is, hears and heeds Yitro. He sets up a tiered leadership system. He doesn’t abdicate
leadership or take himself out of the picture – he still provides the vision for the operation and still presides over the most difficult cases.
He just learns to let go, to trust, and to allow the Israelite nation to be more than a nation of Moshe-ites. He lets them be themselves. And that is where the project comes to life. That is where they (and we) begin to grow up as a nation.
The Institute for Jewish Spirituality’s mission is to develop and teach Jewish spiritual practices so that individuals and communities may experience greater awareness, purpose, and interconnection.
Learn more at jewishspirituality.org
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