I Was An Allower.

I Was An Allower. I WASN’T A VICTIM OF ABUSE

Linda Liv Doktar The Voice of Love, Freedom & Choice.

The younger version of me used to tell a different story. She told the world that she was a victim of domestic violence and abuse.

She told that story to feel better about herself and to make other people feel sorry for her. To make her sound like the “good girl” and make him (them) sound like the “bad guy”.

The younger version of me even used that story as an excuse, so that it was ok to keep being addicted to her wounds and her trauma.

And any excuse for why she couldn’t let men close to her and open her heart again. And why she could never trust men again.

The younger version of me loved playing the victim. In fact she was addicted to it and madly in love with it. The story served her tremendously and it kept her ‘safe’. Always pointing the finger and blaming, until one day... She woke up to herself.

That girl, aka me, realised that she was the one who had been allowing the abuse. I had been the receiver by choice. Maybe not the first time but the second, third and the 200th time. T

he current version of myself asked the younger version of me –“Linda, what kept you there for so long?”. The younger version of me responded - “Love... I loved him”

I then called my own bluff. It wasn’t love for him or them that kept me there. It was the lack of love I had for myself.

Can you love your abuser, cheater and “wrong-maker”? Of course. Love is unconditional and free for all. We ARE love. We can feel love for all things Yin & Yang.

However, can we deeply and truly love Self and continue to be submissive to abuse - both at once? No, we cannot. True love doesn’t have conditions, however Self-love comes with boundaries.

Setting healthy boundaries isn’t selfish, it is essential. And Self-love isn’t just about mirror affirmations, baths and massages. Self-love is about honouring Self in all situations. It is about putting our own oxygen mask on first.

I believe there is a huge problem in today’s society. It teaches us Selflove from a space of DOing, nothing about embodiment and BEing. It teaches us to hold on to our trauma so tight like it is the most precious thing in our life. And this in turn holds us chained into a limiting identity and victim story.

We are being taught that we cannot change the past, therefore we cannot change our traumatic experiences. So we get programmed to live with limiting identities for the rest of our lives.

Truth is, time is an illusion. And just like we can visualise what we want to happen in the future, we can change the meaning, perception and representation of a past event, which in turn changes the now. Linear time is only one dimension of time and just like we can create the future, we can also re-create the past by letting go of disempowering meanings and perceptions. This is how we heal. It is time for a new paradigm where we know and understand that at any given moment we can re-create our reality by embodying who we most desire to be.

I was not a victim of abuse, I was an allower. And by me changing the representation of my past experiences I also healed my current now. My mess became my message and a platform where I began my journey back into SelfLove. It became the starting point of the journey back home, back into the chasms of my own being.

No amount of abuse or traumatic experiences ever mean that we are ‘broken’. Most of these types of experiences can be perceived as “wrong” and may not be our “fault”, however, our healing and happiness is entirely our own responsibility.

My trauma became the biggest gift I have ever been given. Because without these experiences I would never have lived a bigger and bolder life and impacted others with my soul work.

Just like the journey from our head to our heart, the human experience isn’t always a comfortable one to walk. Pain is part of life yet suffering is optional. We can choose to feel pain from facing our shadows and healing, or we can choose to live in struggle and turmoil by being chained to our past in the present.

It is time to stop robbing our happiness from the now. It is time to realise that no matter what past experiences we have moved through, we are here for greatness. So keep leaning in to the uncomfortable and allow yourself to transcend into this world of unconditional love and infinite possibility.

In a journey of many thousand miles we may feel so alone. It is my gift to you to remind you that you are never alone on this journey. You are so seen, held, supported and loved in your all-ness.

And the parts of you that you most desire to run away from, are the parts that will set you free. Keep leaning brothers and sisters. Keep taking responsibility and choose to become the embodiment of love, freedom and infinite choice - so that you can start living a fully expressed life of total freedom.

How you treat yourself and what you allow is how the world will keep responding back to you. Love & Blessings,

"It is time for a new paradigm where we know and understand that at any given moment we can re-create our reality by embodying who we most desire to be." – Linda Liv Doktar