Caring for a Spouse or Loved One with Dementia

By LAURA GIFFORD

Dementia is both a chemical and structural change in the brain. At least two parts of the brain are dying, traditionally attacking the left hemisphere first and most severely. This chronic disorder can include memory loss, personality change, limited social skills, and loss of judgment.

Dementia is progressive, and it will get worse. But there are things we can do to slow the process.

We put together some tips to help you care for a spouse or loved one with dementia. Even if your loved one is still in the early stages of dementia, transitioning to the role of caregiver can put a lot of stress on your relationship. This might be a person you leaned on for support for decades, and now you’re caring for them in a way you might not have anticipated.

Remember to Take Care of Yourself

Caring for a loved one with dementia can be like a full-time job. To be an effective caregiver, you must set limits for yourself in this season of your life, and you must take care of yourself.

• Ask for help from friends and family members.

• Join a caregiver support group with a local church, a senior living community, or a dementia-related association (even if you don’t want to talk, being amongst others with similar experiences can offer reprieve).

• Get respite care through a local senior living group or social services.

• Find an adult daycare center or a home healthcare service.

• Expand your knowledge, learning more about what your loved one is going through, their diagnosis, and how the disease can progress. Communicate Effectively

Dementia will affect the way your loved one communicates their thoughts and feelings. They may not be able to verbalize their needs, and they may not be able to understand you when you’re trying to communicate with them.

Try to stay calm and positive when communicating with your loved one. That includes your body language as well as the words you’re saying.

As dementia progresses, the person’s visual field changes. It’s important to approach calmly, slowly, in visual range. Before you start talking, get the person’s attention and limit any distractions. Speak slowly and clearly, using simple sentences in a nice, reassuring tone.

And remember to wait, giving your loved one a chance to process. It may help if you can find a way to rephrase your statement or question. When possible, stick to yes-or-no questions to simplify things. Providing options to a person with dementia will help them feel empowered and in charge.

It’s also important to offer empathy and validation. A person with dementia may be feeling anxious, frustrated, exhausted,

and confused. Find a way to show you understand, whether that’s with reassuring words, holding hands, or a hug. Or, you can act as a mirror. If you see a grimaced face, get in your loved one’s visual range and reflect what you see.

Wandering

A person with dementia may wander at night or randomly in the middle of the day. It’s helpful if you can identify triggers, like boredom or locating a belonging. When a person with dementia is triggered to do an action, they’re probably trying to fill a need they can’t communicate.

If your loved one can wander safely, that’s a great way to exert energy. If you’re unable to disrupt the behavior or provide a safe space for your loved one to wander, you can block off doors, either with a piece of furniture or a sign that acts as a reminder.

Another option is to install an alarm system or locks that require keys. Make sure your other family members know where the keys are in case of a fire.

Sleep Issues

Dementia can mix up chemicals and signals in the brain, causing changes in sleep patterns as well as changes in a person’s biological clock. There are a few different tactics you can try to help them sleep better:

• Increase daily exercise and discourage naps during the day.

• Promote the best possible nutrition and have smaller meals throughout the day.

• Establish a routine and plan calmer activities for the afternoon and evening.

As dementia progresses, there could be other behavioral issues that come up. You may need to try new approaches to communicate and care. Stay curious, and be open to finding different ways to support your loved one. There may come a time when you have to explore memory care options to help maintain your loved one’s quality of life.

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Laura Gifford is the director of marketing and communications at Providence Place.