giving heart, nurturing soul

Kathy Freier met her husband, Kyle, during their freshman year at college in Moorhead thanks to a compatible schedule. The pair found themselves in three out of four classes together and soon became inseparable.

“I used him for his brain for a little while,” says Kathy with a chuckle.

“I joke that she kept following me from class to class until I finally acknowledged her, but it was probably the other way around,” jokes Kyle.

They got married in 1996, six months after graduating was a dream she’d had since childhood—but she didn’t love leaving Matthew in daycare. So she and Kyle agreed that Kathy would be a full-time mother at home. And as Kathy puts it, “Pretty much all I do now is wipe butts! It’s a skill. I’ve crafted it,” she says with a laugh and a wink. and started the typical lives of newlyweds. They bought a house, landed good jobs and settled into an easy, loving routine.

In all seriousness, Kathy describes choosing mothering at home as the best decision she’s ever made. In 2002 Andy was born followed by Tina 18 months later. She loves the busy-ness and the chaos and can’t imagine her life any other way.

“She is loving, faithful, sacrificial and direct,” says Kyle of Kathy.

The couple always planned on having children and three years into their marriage, they were blessed to bring Matthew home. Kathy loved being a mother—it

“Kathy is incredibly dedicated and 100% committed to being the best mom possible,” says her good friend, Lisa Kaufman. “She enjoys it. She loves keeping her home and juggling her kids’ schedules and she’s very good at being organized and running the household.”

She settled into a routine and did all the things that moms of youngsters do. Preschool drop offs, arranged play-dates and maintaining a stockpile of diapers and wipes. She loved it. But she was also unsettled by a nagging thought—she wanted to adopt. a world away

“It was not something I thought up on a whim,” she says. “I even remembered that as a young girl, I had this baby doll. She had blue eyes and white cloth skin. And I created this story in my head that I had adopted her from Russia. So I really feel it was a calling I had from a young age.”

Kathy’s mother, Carole Jensen, says her daughter’s compassion for other children has always made sense and that when she puts her mind to something, she will accomplish it. “I call her SuperMom all the time,” says Carole. “I have never questioned anything she’s done with her family, but I firmly believe she’s trying to save the world one child at a time.”

But Kyle was in the middle of a job transition, and with three kids to provide for, he wasn’t exactly sure the timing was right for his family.

“I wouldn’t be a help in the process and not a great parent to a new child due to lack of time. At that time I thought it might have just been ‘baby fever’ and would pass,” explains Kyle. “About a year later, Kathy again brought up the subject of adoption and this time instead of just thinking about it or giving a quick answer, I agreed to pray about it. Within a three week period of time, God had given us a clear indication that this was His plan for us.”

Kathy was ecstatic and couldn’t wait to expand her family. She immediately investigated international adoption. “Both of us knew right away we wanted to do international,” she says. “We didn’t care that we weren’t going to have the cookie cutter family where we’re all blonde and blue eyed.” seeing ana

Several months later and over 7,000 miles away, an Ethiopian single mother was making the painstaking decision to place her daughter for adoption. Already, God was working His plan for the Freier’s.

Kathy was intent on one thing during the adoption process: she didn’t want to work with an agency that would have her paging through a catalog for a child. She believed in being matched and getting specific alerts about compatible children who would fit in well with her family.

“I’ll never forget that day, ever, ever. I was actually at the dentist, in the dental chair. And I just knew it was my agency calling. So I took the call and they told me they had a girl about 3-years-old and they’d like to start sending me pictures. And I was like, ‘CLEAN MY TEETH NOW!,’” she says, laughing.

And later that day at a large family gathering to celebrate her niece’s birthday, Kathy got the email that would change the lives of two families. She saw a picture of a girl named Hana [the Freier’s later changed her name to Ana] for the first time.

Ana was beautiful. She had a gorgeous smile and spirit that translated even through the camera lens. Kathy found herself drawn to Ana and her biological mother’s story and knew that Ana was meant to be their daughter.

“A lot of single mothers like her are forced into prostitution or selling their children into the sex industry to survive,” explains Kathy. “I think she was, and is, very brave to give up Ana.”

Meanwhile in Ethiopia, an American volunteer named Emily Nolan had just arrived at what’s called a transition house—a place where children live while waiting for their adoptive family.

The kids live in a small home and are cared for by a team of nannies and volunteers like Emily. The children are loved and cared for until their adoptive families can travel to bring them home.

Emily was in charge of helping Ana and some other children adjust to the transition house and better understand why she is there and what will happen next.

Kathy began emailing regularly with Emily, asking how Ana was doing or if she needed anything. Emily was immediately impressed with how passionate Kathy was about her adoption and the pending adoptions of other children.

“Kathy was very helpful and open and really wanted to meet the needs of the house and children,” says Emily. “There was a small percentage, maybe three or four percent, who contacted me asking what was needed at the house. Kathy was one of those people.”

After emailing and sending care packages for several months, Kathy and Kyle began packing their bags. They were finally going to meet their new daughter.

However, Mother Nature was about to stage a daring intervention that would truly put Kathy and Kyle’s faith to the test.

Fargo To Africa

In the spring of 2009, Kathy and Kyle were scheduled to leave for Ethiopia to meet Ana. Their embassy appointment was scheduled and they needed to be there in order to finalize their adoption.

But just a few days before their trip, raging flood waters from the Red River overtook their Oxbow neighborhood and threatened to destroy their home.

“I woke up on Wednesday—we were supposed to leave on Friday—and everything was flooded,” she recalls. “There was water in the streets and our house was in danger. Luckily, God had me packed and ready to go.”

Over the next two days, the Freier’s moved everything out of their basement and relied on Kyle, his brother, and father to man the sump pumps which had to be monitored 24 hours a day. Kathy was in charge of getting her kids as well as her neighbors’ three children to safety.

“So there I was, with six kids crammed into the Avalanche trying to drive out of Oxbow,” she says. “Water was up to the hood of my car. The Interstate was all ice and flooded all along the sides. I just needed to get the kids to Kyle’s parents’ two-bedroom apartment in Fargo. And I did.”

Friday came and, if anything, the flooding was worse. Kathy was anxious she wouldn’t be able to make it back to Oxbow to pick up Kyle. For what seemed like hours, she carefully maneuvered on the horrifically icy roads to reach Kyle.

“He came out to meet me in his chest waders,” she says. They had made it. And they were on their way to Africa.

If Kathy and Kyle thought what they left behind was hard to watch, they were in no way prepared for the living conditions in Ethiopia. Kathy was overwhelmed by the poverty. But everything seemed worth it when they finally got to meet Ana for the first time.

“Pure joy,” says Kyle, of the meeting. “She smiled, gave Kathy a hug and said “mommy,” then came diving into my arms as the guesthouse dogs approached. I thought, ‘This is my daughter.’”

The next few days were filled with the ups and downs of getting to know a new child, with the added pressure of not speaking the same language. “We needed to learn her schedule and what her preferences were,” explains Kathy. “I asked Emily to give me the basics on what a mom should know about her daughter.”

One of the biggest joys for the new family happened when Kathy opened Ana’s suitcase and showed her all the clothes and toys she had brought for the little girl. “She flipped a lid when I opened her suitcase. She was pounding her chest and it sounded like she was saying, ‘mine?’ It was like I’d given her the jackpot.”

Over the course of six days, Kathy and Kyle finalized their adoption process. It was nerve-wracking at times because they didn’t always understand what was being said and worried something would prevent them from taking Ana home to America, but they were energized and uplifted through the whole thing by seeing Ana grow and flourish in their care.

“It was so fun,” says Kathy. “We didn’t get to see all her firsts when she was a baby, but we got to see other firsts of her travels and coming home.”

New Home

The Freier’s returned just as the floodwaters had started to recede from their Oxbow home. Luckily, their home and its contents were undamaged by the natural disaster.

Ana readily settled into her new home, in large part because of her new brothers and sister who welcomed their little sister with open arms and hearts.

Everyone pitched in to help Ana learn English and Kathy patiently worked to help Ana understand the house rules.

“We have a sign up that says, ‘In our home we thank God, we say grace, we encourage one another, we play hard, we laugh a lot, we do loud really well, we give hugs, we are FAMILY,’” explains Kathy of what was expected of Ana.

Not Done Yet

As Kathy and Kyle embraced life as adoptive parents, they quickly realized that the path they felt God had put them on wasn’t over yet.

“God placed on our hearts, what was on His heart, a deep sincere love for the orphan, the fatherless,” says Kyle. “God had shown us how these children were to become our sons or daughters, not our adopted or foster children, just son or daughter—period.”

About a year after bringing Ana home, Kathy and Kyle took a foster care training program with the intention of adopting through that system. They thought it would be a long process, and offer them the chance to support a bunch of children through a tumultuous time in their lives. But, perhaps with a little help from God, things took a wild turn right from the start.

“My kids scooped Chris and Cienna right up. She was a baby so everyone loved that. And Christopher loved Thomas the Train. He would play non-stop.”

The day they got licensed the county called Kathy about a 3-year-old boy and 8-month-old girl. It was more than Kathy had bargained for, she thought at the time. “I was not prepared. It was certainly not what we were really looking for. I told them, ‘I don’t have a crib. I don’t have diapers. So if you have a better option, you should explore it.’ They told me, ‘We don’t have another option.’ And of course I said, ‘When do I pick them up?’”

That “crazy day” was certainly an indication of what Kathy would experience as Christopher and Cienna’s foster mom. She found the crib and bottles and clothing—that was actually the easy part.

Finding room—literally and figuratively—for them in the family’s home was going to require some juggling. Kathy asked her kids to make some sacrifices. They needed to share rooms and help out more often. They needed to be leaders in the house and help the little ones adjust to this unfamiliar situation. And the kids admirably answered the call.

As with any foster care situation though, there were tremendous ups and downs that were not only hard on the youngsters, but also on Kathy and her family who had so graciously opened their hearts and home to them. Christopher had nightmares that were difficult to soothe and he developed a syndrome that caused him to retain fluid.

“He hadn’t been with us that long and here we were making medical decisions for him. We hardly knew him,” remembers Kathy.

At one point the children were transitioned out of the Freier’s home, but a couple of months later, for unforeseen reasons Kathy and Kyle were given the opportunity to be Christopher and Cienna’s permanent home.

The children returned to the Freier’s in September of 2011. Everyone was at peace with the turn of events and knew it was best for the children. And so it is... with their adoption finalized, the Freier’s, are now a family of eight.

“But there is always room for one more,” admits Kyle with a smile.

A New Purpose

Through their experiences with adoption and the foster care program, Kathy and Kyle have made it their mission

“My husband and I knew we wanted to add to our family and embraced foster care,” says Lisa. “But as we went along, we both realized we wanted to be more proactive to help other families who are interested in opening up their hearts and homes to orphaned children. about it. We spent a year and a half watching kids come and go. And finally we said, ‘No, we want to adopt. We want to keep someone. We want a boy.’”

They started modestly, participating in National Adoption Month by hosting an Orphan Sunday event at their church. And now they hold adoption workshops to help people understand the process.

“There are more than 50 different scriptures that talk about the orphan,” says Kathy.

“Obviously, this is a big piece of what God is calling us to do.” And she’s pretty good at it.

At the first event Kathy organized, she called several friends, including Lisa, to “just be a warm body” and fill some seats. She was really concerned that speakers would be addressing an empty house and wanted to ensure the message she so passionately believed in was being received by as many people as possible.

Lisa had long dreamed of being a foster parent, but didn’t feel pulled to adopt. Participating in Kathy’s event changed her perspective.

Lisa felt really blessed having Kathy as a friend during this time. She relied on her for information and support.

“We finally knew someone who had adopted so we were with them through the process of bringing Ana home,” says Lisa. “It was a contagious love. You wanted a piece of that.”

Lisa and her husband finalized the adoption of their son the first week of January 2013.

They are huge advocates of the work Kathy and Kyle are doing to promote and advance adoption in our area.

“Kathy and Kyle are very committed to this. When they talk about serving the orphans, it’s very powerful,” says Lisa. “Kathy is also the very first person to say not everyone can adopt or should adopt. But everyone needs to be aware of it. Everyone should do something to help that cause.”

The Freier’s also feel motivated to keep Ethiopia’s spirit alive in Ana. They are compelled to give back to Ana’s home country, as a way of giving thanks for their new blessing by supporting Heavenly Hope Ministries in Ethiopia.

“We have a bigger purpose than just adopting this one child. What a legacy to give Ana that we didn’t just pluck her out of this place. We want to continue to help her home country,” explains Kathy.

Heavenly Hope Ministry’s [HHM] focus is to bring the gospel to orphans in Ethiopia as well as provide for their basic needs of food, clothes, shelter, school, and medicine. Kathy and Kyle help raise funds for the ministry, as well as spending 10 days in 2010 playing and loving on the children in HHM’s orphan homes and ministering to the children living in the ministry’s street kids shelter. They have been able to develop friendships with the Ethiopian pastors and mentors working with orphan care through their trips.

Kyle also took the couple’s sons to Ethiopia in 2011 to work with the ministry. “They brought hats, stuffed animals, clothes and toiletries,” says Kathy. “Andy has