Workplace – Office romance for you?

OFFICE ROMANCE

WHAT ARE YOU GETTING YOURSELF INTO? BY CHANTAL GAUTIER

Valentine's Day has a way of making us feel all mushy inside. We want a love to hold our hands and we yearn for someone to cozy up with after a romantic night of dinner and dancing. That's all good, but do you really want to see that person in the adjoining cubicle on February 15? Research suggests, maybe not.

There are many reasons someone might enter a workplace relationship. Research shows that people gravitate toward like-minded people with common personality traits, backgrounds, belief systems and ideas. Proximity and familiarity also influence attraction, something psychologists call the mere exposure effect.

For better or for worse, offices are a place where like-minded people are in close proximity to each other for many hours, so it is no surprise that many people are open to love at work. A 2020 YouGov poll found that 18% of participants met their current or most recent partner through work.

If you are thinking about entering a relationship with your desk neighbor, or even your boss, here are some things to consider.

1. IS IT A HIERARCHICAL RELATIONSHIP?

Despite their prevalence, office romances are still frowned upon, and more so after the #MeToo movement. Deciding to enter a hierarchical workplace relationship (when one partner is in a higher position at work than the other) is not something to be taken lightly.

Direct reports who have coupled up with their boss or senior staff member are sometimes confronted with gossip and career roadblocks because of their relationship. While some may think entering such a relationship could help them get ahead in their career, in reality their relationship status could hinder their progress. Research has found that the direct report in a hierarchical workplace relationship is less likely to be promoted or recommended for training opportunities than their colleagues who are not in such a relationship. 2. HOW MIGHT IT AFFECT YOUR WORK PERFORMANCE?

With love and sex on the brain, is anyone getting any work done? The general stance is that canoodling is bad for business and affects productivity. Studies have found that feelings of passion and love, especially in the early stages of a relationship, can negatively impact productivity because our minds are elsewhere than the task at hand.

This is particularly challenging in a professional environment, and when you may have to work alongside your lover. However, there are measures you can take to curb distractions. Minimize communications that are not of a work-related nature, except when essential, and avoid physical touch like kissing or holding hands in the workplace.

3. DOES YOUR ORGANIZATION ALLOW IT?

Courtship and dating are natural phenomena, whether organizations like it or not. Prohibiting relationships is not the solution, and if anything will only lead relationships underground.

Despite this, many employers (mainly in the U.S.) manage relationships by deploying “love contracts,” written rules and policies which the couple agrees to, confirming that the relationship is consensual and voluntary. This is not only designed to protect the couple, but to protect the employer from being sued for harassment if the relationship breaks down.

Employees are not likely to want to disclose to their direct line of report, Human Resources person or relevant peers, who they are having sexual relations with. Employers have to balance their own business interests with their employee’s privacy rights. However, just as there are policies and training for tackling sexual harassment, discrimination and mental health, there is also a need to address workplace romances. Your employer should have accessible (and reasonable) policies and guidelines about disclosing relationships, particularly when they are hierarchical.

4. WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU SPLIT UP?

While no one plans for their relationship to end, things do happen and it’s best to be prepared. In a non-workplace relationship, a break-up might mean your productivity declines or you need to take a mental health day. But if you work with your now-ex partner, there are other things to consider, like if you have to interact or collaborate on a project.

Where relevant, it may be possible to request a transfer to a different team or to work remotely until the dust settles. Your company may also offer workplace counseling or programs designed to support employees going through tough times, including depression, grief or the aftermath of a relationship.

Ultimately, how employers choose to manage romance at work depends on acknowledging that workplace relationships do happen and understanding that happier and more satisfied employees tend to be more productive and collaborate better in teams. It is in employers’ best interests to support their employees’ wellbeing, even (and especially) when those employees fall in love.

Chantal Gautier is a clinical sexologist at the University of Westminster. This story was republished under a creative commons license with The Conversation.