THEOAKLANDPOST Volume 45 l Issue 8 l Oct. 23, 2019
Oakland University’s Independent Student Newspaper
LEAVE YOUR SOUL
ON THE STAGE
L.A.-based artist Nico Franc performs at the Habitat Page 7
MAKE A DIFFERENCE
DEFINING FREE SPEECH
PAGE 4
PAGES 8 & 9
Students can sign up to help nonprofits for annual service day PHOTO BY MAGGIE WILLARD
OU faculty on Title IX and college sexual harassment policies
NEW IN ATHLETICS
Partnership with Henry Ford to provide sports medicine resources PAGE 11
THIS WEEK
PHOTO OF THE WEEK
OCTOBER 23, 2019 | 2
THEOAKLANDPOST EDITORIAL BOARD
Trevor Tyle Katie LaDuke Editor-in-Chief Managing Editor editor@oaklandpostonline.com katelynladuke@oakland.edu 248.370.4266 248.370.2537 Katie Valley Content Editor kvalley@oakland.edu 248.370.4268
EDITORS
Nicole Morsfield Photo Editor nmorsfield@oakland.edu
Ben Hume Web Editor bhume@oakland.edu Lauren Karmo Campus Editor laurenkarmo@oakland.edu
Rachel Basela Life&Arts Editor rachelbasela@oakland.edu Michael Pearce Sports Editor mpearce@oakland.edu Liz Kovac Engagement Editor ekovac@oakland.edu
PERSISTENT PARKING PROBLEMS The infamous parking issue on Oakland University’s campus continued on Thursday morning after a water main break occurred in P-1, impacting one of the university’s largest parking lots. PHOTO / RYAN PINI
REPORTERS
Katelyn Hill Staff Reporter Bridget Janis Staff Reporter Taylor McDaniel Staff Reporter Dean Vaglia Staff Reporter Rachel Yim Staff Reporter
ADVERTISING
5
ARTIFICIAL AUDIO
On-campus researchers detail efforts to spot fake audio recordings Photo/Sophie Hume
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FREDDIE FOREVER
New album “Never Boring” celebrates the legacy of Freddie Mercury Photo/iTunes
Angela Gebert Ads Director ads@oaklandpostonline.com 248.370.4269 Whitney Shelby Ads Assistant
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Women’s soccer goalkeeper named Defensive Player of the Week Photo/Maria Rivera
LAST ISSUE’S POLL
WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE HALLOWEEN CANDY?
WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE HALLOWEEN MOVIE?
B) REESE’S PEANUT BUTTER CUPS, ANYTHING ELSE IS WRONG C) BLACK LICORICE, YOU UNCULTURED SWINES D) SNICKERS TO FIX MY ATTITUDE
36% A) “HOCUS POCUS
Sophie Hume Photographer Ryan Pini Photographer Sergio Montanez Photographer Sam Summers Photographer Maggie Willard Photo Intern
DISTRIBUTION
Kat Malokofsky Distribution Director kmalokofsky@oakland.edu Meredith Atwell Distributor J.C. Elliott Distributor Alex Pham Distributor Trevor Shankin Distributor Caitlyn Ulery Distributor
ADVISING
Garry Gilbert Editorial Adviser gjgilber@oakland.edu 248.370.2105 Don Ritenburgh Business Adviser ritenbur@oakland.edu 248.370.2533
VOTE AND CONNECT AT: oaklandpostonline.com
JAIMIE FOR THE WIN
POLL OF THE WEEK A) CANDY CORN, DUH!
COPY&VISUAL
Mina Fuqua Chief Design Editor Erin O’Neill Design Editor Ashley Averill Design Editor Jimmy Williams Graphic Designer
22% B) “HALLOWEENTOWN”
31% C) “THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS”
12% D) “THE ADDAMS FAMILY”
CORRECTIONS CORNER: On Oct. 16, we published an article titled “Looking Back: Matilda Dodge Wilson’s 139th birthday” that included a number of errors, including Wilson’s date of birth, age and date of death. The Oakland Post apologizes for the errors. The Oakland Post corrects all known errors of fact. If you know of an error, please email editor@oaklandpostonline.com.
OCTOBER 23, 2019 | 3
LOOKING BACK
PHOTO COURTESY OF THE OAKLAND POST ARCHIVES
A fire in the Dodge Clubhouse attic in 1978 caused about $175,000 in damages.
1978 fire destroys roof, attic of Dodge Clubhouse BRIDGET JANIS Staff Reporter
A fire broke out in the Dodge Clubhouse attic on Oct. 17, 1978, which according to Jim Liewellyn, then-Oakland University news director, caused about $175,000 in damages. At the time, the clubhouse was 63 years old and built by John F. Dodge. It was mostly used for student events, parties, small receptions and meetings. Two painters were inside the attic working on staining the shingles on the roof. The workers also painted the interior of Dodge Hall and a cafeteria on campus, but those structures did not burn down like the roof. “It was just like someone turned a switch on, the roof began to flame,” said David Hartsoe, one of the men from West End Painting. The Avon Township Fire Department took a half-hour to fully extinguish the fire due to the lack of entry points. While the fire department declared the reason to the fire to be undetermined, many people and staff on campus came to assume that it was started from faulty wiring. Jeffrey Key, Avon Township fire marshall at the time, said the fire originated in the south portion of the attic and that “there are a limited number of sources of ignition there … very few ceiling lights there.” The damage to the building was extreme but contained in just the attic except some slight water damage on the lower level. The floor of the attic had to be removed, but a renovation plan began to be in the process. The ideas ranged from including an extension of 500 square feet
off the west side of the building and having an area for men and women showers and a locker facility. “My hunch is if we can get the data back [damage and repair estimates] by Wednesday as expected, it will be considered by the board that night at their meeting,” said Kenneth Coffman, vice president of campus and student affairs. The Board of Trustees discussed the damage at a meeting. They talked about converting it to a golf course clubhouse. From an insurance point of view, it was beneficial to have an investigator look into the fire and hope for answers. The Insurance Company of North America allowed a professional to come in and look at the incident. The university had a blanket insurance policy of $78 million. “No matter what the cost of the damage, the insurance should cover the repairs,” Richard Light, OU’s assistant vice-president for business affairs said then. In order to fully understand the damage and cost of the repairs, the insurance company wanted to be able to see the situation itself. “There is this expert who wants to check for the cause,” Light said then. He said the insurance investigator may send part of a clubhouse attic fixture to a laboratory “to get a better prediction of how the fire started.” The Board of Trustees ended up coming to the conclusion that the needed renovations and anything that needs to be fixed on the clubhouse should be done and the changeover into a golf clubhouse should commence.
4 | OCTOBER 23, 2019
CAMPUS
Oakland Outlaws host game for breast cancer awareness DEAN VAGLIA Staff Reporter
The Oakland Outlaws Ultimate Frisbee Club is going beyond wearing pink by taking action over awareness for breast cancer. The Oakland Outlaws Ultimate Frisbee team is hosting a charity game against Kettering University Ultimate on Sunday, Oct. 27 at 1 p.m. to benefit the American Cancer Society (ACS). Taking place in the track stadium, the club hopes to raise $1,000 through fan donations at the free-admission pinkout game. The idea for the cancer awareness game came from club treasurer Jacob Lekki. Lekki’s grandmother serves as a key inspiration for the fundraiser. “A couple of my grandmothers in my family have had breast cancer,” Lekki said. “One of my grandmothers has stage four breast cancer. She is kind of the inspiration behind [the breast cancer awareness game].” Club President Clarence Round has also had family hit by breast cancer. Two of his aunts have survived breast cancer and are cancer-free today. “It is a great honor to be able to do something that has affected my family and even some of the players on our team,” Round said. “Just to be able to give back is pretty cool and do something that hopefully a lot of people on campus can come experience. Eventually, hopefully, in following years after I graduate, the team can make this a tradition every year.”
SOPHIE HUME | PHOTOGRAPHER
The charity game will benefit the American Cancer Society.
With the shared experiences of cancer scares and a love of ultimate frisbee, hosting a breast cancer awareness game was a no-brainer for the team. “I am just so proud that we are actually able to [have the game] and that it got set up,” team member Meredith Stern
said. Breast cancer runs in her family, and she once had a false alarm scare. “I have been looking forward to this for months now, and I am just hoping that a lot of people show up to support us and donate to the ACS.” This is the first year for the breast cancer awareness game, and fans can expect to see various forms of fundraising at the event. With admission being free, the team hopes to meet the $1,000 fundraising goal through the sale of wristbands, baked goods and general donation collection after the game. Players will take to the field with pink headbands and ask that fans wear pink. A Crowdraise fundraising page is available for any online donations as well, with $270 donated as of Monday, Oct. 21. The Outlaws and Kettering are fierce rivals, and Round tells fans to expect an intense matchup. “They are our rivals, so whenever we get to playing them, we are definitely playing our hardest to beat these guys,” Round said. “They beat us in the first scrimmage that we did this season, so this time our guys are a lot better. We are looking for revenge, to come back with the W and to raise money for our fundraiser.” While supporting the ACS is a good cause, the main event is on the field. And in ultimate, playing hard means more than just throwing a disc. “We go all out when we play, so you will see people full sprinting the entire length of the field, making beautiful throws and catches, even laying out to catch the disc,” Stern said. “We also have a super active sideline, and even the audience can participate by shouting ‘Up!’ whenever the frisbee is in the air.”
Make a Difference Day gets students involved in the community DEAN VAGLIA Staff Reporter
Make a Difference Day is a service holiday falling this year on Saturday, Oct. 26, with the goal of getting people to help out and/or give back to local nonprofits however they can. Run by the Office of Student Involvement (OSI), students can get set up with one of 12 nonprofit organizations across southeast Michigan. The event has been going on for around 10 years, and according to the OSI’s Daryl Blackburn, graduate assistant for leadership and service learning, around 500 members of the OU community take part in volunteering. Handled by the OSI Leadership and Volunteering Center, a whole day of giving back is arranged for the people taking part. Volunteers arrive at South Foundation Hall at 9 a.m. on Oct. 26 and head out to help out by 10 a.m. Once the volunteers arrive, they do whatever tasks are asked of them until
1 p.m., when they are free to go home. Students can get involved by signing up through an online GrizzOrgs form. There, people can sign up for their first and second preferred nonprofits, establish any dietary restrictions or special accommodations they need and whether they want to go solo or as a group. Going as a group is one of the things Blackburn said is beneficial about helping out. “Let’s say people did not want to go by themselves,” Blackburn said. “They can sign up with a group of people … If you put down a group name, we make sure that everyone who puts down that same group name goes to the same place.” Honors College students and teaching assistants are taking part for the HC 1000 class, a required course for all freshmen honors students. “We believe that being a contributing member of society is essential to a well rounded student,” Karen Conn, HC 1000 adviser, said via email. “Each
group is required to do a community service event of their choice, as one of their class requirements. Fourteen of those groups chose OU’s Make a Difference Day, making a total of over 200 Honors College freshmen and others. We have participated in this program for many years and both students and TAs enjoy partnering with OU for these events, which are varied and of significant assistance to groups around the metro area.” Some opportunities include helping out the Lighthouse of Oakland County emergency shelter in Pontiac, filling buckets for Disaster Relief at Work in Waterford, working in the Open Hands Food Pantry in Royal Oak or even assisting with tasks on campus at OU. One of the returning options is helping out with a breast cancer walk in Mount Clemens. “It was really cool,” the OSI’s Joshua Robinson said about the walk. “It was rainy, but we had a lot of people there. We cheered people on as they
did the walk and ran, [and] we went to different stations and gave out water.” Make a Difference Day 2019 also brings at least one new opportunity: helping out The Parade Company in Detroit. Volunteers will be painting, building and assembling the floats that will be used in the Thanksgiving Day Parade. Registration for Make a Difference Day is open up until the morning of Oct. 26. While drop-ins are welcome, signing up allows the OSI to know how many people each nonprofit will be receiving. “The end goal of Make a Difference Day is to really just service the community in need,” Blackburn said. “A lot of us … might not realize that there are places that need help even in Rochester or Utica or Detroit or Mount Clemens or wherever it may be. They all need help, so the end goal is to really just service these places while giving the students the opportunity to really see the difference that they can make.”
CAMPUS
OCTOBER 23, 2019 | 5
OU researchers create technology to spot fake audio Google Home speaker verification, voice cloning have been included in the research
TAYLOR McDANIEL Staff Reporter
“OK Google, take my midterms for me, please.” Khalid Mahmood Malik, Ph.D,, an associate professor in the department of computer science and engineering, is currently working with research students to pinpoint original voices from recorded or artificial audio. Working since 2017, the group has created a mission-learning model to detect and differentiate whether or not a voice is original or modified, and how many times it has been replayed. For example, as Roland Baumann, student in the cyber security program, points out, someone could potentially play a recorded voice over another person’s webcam — if they are able to access it — straight to a Google Home. Thus, the recording is played multiple times from one device to another. How would someone be able to do this? Well, all of these devices are connected through WiFi, which is nothing new to hacking, according to Malik. Wi-Fi also has a weak spot in its security, stated by Consumer Reports in 2017 in which researchers had discovered its flaw. Malik and company’s research has led to uncover
that devices such as Google Home and Amazon Alexa have vulnerabilities as well. “[These devices] are not able to understand if it is a recorded voice or original, artificially generated voice or authentic,” Malik said. The focus of these devices is usability for consumers. Baumann first expressed interest into Malik’s research due to the fact that “home devices are so new that the security ramifications still haven’t been fully considered.” In fact, experiments by Malik and his students have found that, Google Home specifically, uses speaker verification when a person says either “OK Google” or “Hey Google,” but then does not authenticate the rest of the command. Baumann played a male’s voice, already previously linked to the device, to say “OK Google” and then used a female’s voice to complete the command, which was approved and responded to. Malik also said that voice cloning has been maturing in advances in the last few years, including software such as iSpeech and Lyrebird. The more data feed to a computer, the easier it is for it to recognize a pattern and clone a voice, although this is changing. “At the moment, it is not a challenge to create a cloned voice,” Malik said. “The challenge is how to use less data to train your machine to generate [a cloned voice].”
POLICE FILES
Falling at the theater
A man near Meadow Brook Hall called Oakland University Police dispatch (OUPD) to report that an elderly female had fallen outside of Wilson Hall and was lying on one of the benches outside of the main theater on Feb. 20. Dispatch notified Auburn Hills Fire Department (AHFD) and OUPD, both of whom arrived at the lobby of Wilson Hall and spoke with the elderly woman, who said she was visiting for a play. Upon arrival, the officer from OUPD observed the woman lying face up on a bench with her knees elevated across from her husband, who was the witness that called. He stated that at approximately 7:30 p.m. while walking into Wilson Hall from Wilson Boulevard, his wife slipped on some ice and fell on the ground. She said she landed on her hip and elbow on her left side, but that her head did not make contact with the ground. The woman told the officer she did not report the incident immediately and decided to continue with her plans of seeing a play. She then stated that, during intermission, she started having really bad muscle spasms in her lower body, which she believed were triggered by the fall. She decided to lay down until after intermission was over, but did not want to move and return to the theater after a brief resting period. Her husband said his wife suffers from muscle spasms and takes medication because of them, and that he believed the fall triggered the spasms. He recalled seeing a salt truck laying salt near the walkway while parking his vehicle, but did not believe there was enough time for it to be effective. AHFD arrived on scene to provide treatment to the woman, who refused to be transported to a medical care facility. She was assisted to her vehicle on a stretcher by AHFD and an injury report was filed and submitted.
Compiled by Ben Hume, Web Editor
Why does this all matter? While they may appear harmless, voice assistants can do more than play the latest Billie Eilish song. They can also control your thermostat, open and close your garage, and even manage your home security. Last month, artificial intelligence (AI) voice technology was used to scam a CEO into a fraudulent transfer of €220,000, or $243,000. The CEO was convinced he was speaking to his boss, but was deceived by AI voice technology, according to The Wall Street Journal. “We’re not trying to scare people, but to educate them,” Malik said. Malik pointed out that their research and model are for educational purposes, rather than commercial, but they did apply for a patent for the specific feature created by them. With all of the advancements in voice cloning, they still hope to improve and update their solutions further. The researchers are currently preparing for a principal investigator (PI) meeting with the National Science Foundation (NSF). “Our goal is not commercialization, but to focus on good research problems and finding appropriate solutions and publishing them while educating and training students,” Malik said.
CAMPUS
6 | OCTOBER 23, 2019
OU hosts roundtable about Catalonia protests BRIDGET JANIS Staff Reporter
With protests and strikes happening around Catalonia, Spain, Oakland University Associate Professor of Spanish Adolfo Campoy-Cubillo organized a panel discussion to go over the effects of the current situation surrounding the region. By using a roundtable discussion, Campoy-Cubillo was able to gather students and faculty on campus to discuss this matter. “It was a reaction to the events happening in Catalonia during this week,” Campoy-Cubillo said. “There’s been a lot of confrontations in the streets, a lot of political and personal tension. We can only contribute with what we do today, have our roundtable and give people the opportunity to talk and share ideas in public.” Catalonia is pushing for independence by a social and political movement against Spain due to the large difference in cultural heritage. Over the week, the supreme court in Spain had decided that 12 Catalan politicians deserve jail time for being part of the independence referendum back in 2017. After all this, Catalonia is facing a 155 Article threat from Spain, which means the federal government is allowed to take over the regional government. With the help of Simon Doubleday from Hofstra Uni-
SAM SUMMERS | PHOTOGRAPHER
Presenters sit to discuss differing viewpoints about protests.
versity, Edgar Illas from the University of Indiana and Javier Krauel from the University of Colorado, different viewpoints were represented. While some of the presenters were pro-Catalan independence, some were anti-Catalan independence. This allowed the attendees of the event to hear both the pros and cons of each situation. “I tell my students that being well-informed is a civic duty — that you have to be well-informed, that you have
to watch the news every day and that you have to form your own opinion,” Campoy-Cubillo said. Freshman Oriol Paicio Sunyer moved to the United States in 2008 from Catalonia due to a family job transfer. “I wish I was there. All of my cousins who are my age, all of the people I know from over there are out with these several hundred thousands of people that are marching to Barcelona right now,” Sunyer said. “From over here, I mean, there’s only so much you can do from the other side of the world, but you can definitely talk to people, you can definitely come to things like this and it’s as much as we can do.” Sunyer came to the event with an open mind and was willing to hear and learn from both sides of the argument. This is why Campoy-Cubillo held the event, for students and faculty to be able to learn from each other and share opinions. “A lot of the professors that were on the phone with us today, they presented a lot of information that I wasn’t aware of beforehand,” Sunyer said. “It helped inform myself more, because I will be having this conversation and talking about this issue way more outside of this room, and hearing the other and the information from the other side and also a lot of information from our side helped inform me, and I hope it will help me for talking to other people as well.”
PR and Advertising Club becomes PRSSA PRSSA is a public relations student society comprised of students around the globe LIZ KOVAC
Engagement Editor The Public Relations and Advertising Club (PRAd) at Oakland University transitioned into a chapter of the Public Relations Student Society of America (PRSSA) on Oct. 7, 2019. Established in 1968, PRSSA is comprised of nearly 10,000 members, active on over 300 academic campuses around the globe, and offers over $30,000 in scholarships and awards to its members annually. Chiaoning Su, assistant professor in the Department of Communication, Journalism and Public Relations and the OU chapter’s adviser, initiated the PRSSA application process. After successfully transforming the popular PR minor at OU into a full major back in 2017, Su explained that gaining PRSSA status was the logical next step in the program’s goal to “cultivate the next generation
of leaders in PR.” What do public relations professionals do? In short, they work to promote client objectives by creating impactful stories and sharing them with the public using various methods. PR is not only a growing major on campus, but a growing profession overall. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, employment of public relations specialists is projected to grow 6% during the 10-year span between 2018 and 2028. Their PR report indicates, “The need for organizations to maintain their public image will continue to drive employment growth. Candidates can expect strong competition for jobs at advertising and public relations firms and organizations with large media exposure.” The purpose of PRAd has been to prepare OU students for this growing competitiveness of the industry. The club’s description on GrizzOrgs
reads, “PRAd at Oakland University is a community of students interested in Public Relations and/or Advertising who seek to make connections with professionals in these areas, network with other current students, and challenge their intellectual curiosity.” So, what happens to the advertising component of PRAd now that it has turned PRSSA? Olivia Braun, president of OU’s chapter of PRSSA, indicated that the transition will not take away the advertising aspect of the group. Additionally, Braun explained that PRSSA will stand out to any interviewer and encourages those interested in advertising to get involved. “It’s an organization based on connections, and allows OU students to network and build a community outside of OU,” Braun said. Though OU was one of the last universities in Michigan to offer a PR major, its momentum keeps growing.
This, in part, is due to OU’s location in metro Detroit. “Our location is optimum for students to get a great internship in PR, and we know those internships tend to lead to jobs,” said Gary Gilbert, director of the journalism program at OU, in a 2017 press release. Executive Director of PRSSA Jeneen Garcia welcomed OU in a recent PRSSA press release. “The Public Relations and Strategic Communication program at Oakland University serves its students extremely well,” she said. “We are honored to welcome the university to PRSSA and look forward to working alongside the school to further strengthen the public relations program and provide even more opportunities and resources to its students.” Those interested in becoming involved in PRSSA can attend its monthly meetings on Thursdays at 4:30 p.m. in 105 Vandenberg Hall.
OCTOBER 23, 2019 | 7
LIFE&ARTS
When the Colors Change Tristin Inscho
In the warmth of the morning sun In my eyes all my tears have begun to run Remembering days long since past As another drink fills my glass My fear is hidden behind a mask The trees whisper softly As their leaves begin to fall MAGGIE WILLARD | PHOTO INTERN
Soul artist from Los Angeles Nico Franc performs in The Habitat on Thursday, Oct. 17.
L.A. singer played OU’s
Thursday Night Mainstage KATELYN HILL Staff Reporter
The sound of soul music rang through The Habitat for Oakland University students to enjoy on Thursday, Oct. 17. Nico Franc, 24, is a Los Angeles-based soul artist who recently brought his talents all the way to OU. His music filled The Habitat for the Thursday Night Mainstage: Coffeehouse event that was put on by the Student Program Board (SPB). Thursday Night Mainstage is an ongoing event series which features all different kinds of performing acts in OU’s Habitat. Samantha Miller, the marketing director for SPB, first met Franc at a conference for the National Association for Campus Activities (NACA) back in 2018. She said it was so different and unique to bring someone in their early 20s to show students they can follow their dreams and be successful in what they want to do. Franc, who travels around the country performing at different universities, said playing in front of college students is really exciting. “When I play a show in L.A., people are coming out because they know me and they want to hear the music,” Franc said. “When I play a show to students who don’t know me, I have to win them over, and it’s so much fun.” Because of this, he equates college shows to the semblance of street performing. “Nobody knows you but you have every opportunity to make their day,” he said. Franc said he doesn’t remember a
time where he wasn’t around music. He grew up in a musical household where he was surrounded by all types of instruments and genres. He grew up writing folk music, but said he found himself in soul music. Franc said folk music is “an incredibly emotional way of storytelling, and soul music was a more rhythmic way of capturing that same storytelling method.” His performance consisted of songs that will be on his new album, which he is excited about. When he performed his new songs, he said he used the audience’s reaction to gauge where changes can be made in the songs. “I was just happy to be on stage again — that’s my favorite place on Earth,” he said. “It’s been a blast being here.” For more information on Nico Franc, visit his website and social media accounts. He will be releasing his new album in 2020. Looking forward, Thursday Night Mainstage will be featuring comedian Feraz Ozel who, after being recruited by the CIA, decided to follow his passion for comedy instead. Mackenzie Hill, the SPB annual events director, said Thursday Night Mainstage is a great way for students to learn a more about the different student organizations that are available on campus. Miller said she loves the unique variety of people that perform at the event. “It’s really nice to be able to bring students together on a Thursday evening, especially being a commuter school,” Miller said. “I think it’s so cool that students actually want to wait around and see what’s going on on Thursday night.”
There is freedom in rebirth they say Yet I’m still stuck in my old ways A ghost of myself barely visible in the mirror Yet to me he appears crystal clear As time continues on I’ve forgotten my favorite song In its place remains my sullen face An unexpected twist allows perceptions to shift And the moonlit nights ignite my inner flame Whether I burn fast or slow only time shall know
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Free speech vs. discrimination:
Sexual harassment polices in college settings story by Taylor McDaniel // design by Ashley Averill // graphics by Ashley Averill & Jimmy Williams When it comes to speaking about sensitive topics, it can sometimes be tricky to differentiate between what constitutes free speech and discrimination, especially in a college setting where adult students are often encouraged or even required to participate in open classroom discussion. Since the uprising of the #MeToo movement, a conversation spurring on a trend of awareness and recognition of ongoing issues of abuse of power and instances of sexual harassment and assault, walking the line between free speech and discrimination is not as easily tolerated. Lecturer Cameron Evans, Esq., pointed out that while there may be gray areas in the college setting, any student, faculty member or professor with a reputation for consistently being in that area would not be as accepted as in the past. The First Amendment guarantees a citizen freedom of expression. The Office of Civil Rights (OCR) of the U.S. Department of Education, which enforces civil rights in the nation’s schools in order to achieve educational access for all, mandates policies that potentially could lead to strife and confusion to the ability to speak freely in the classroom. One such policy is Title IX. “Title IX is a federal law,” said Chad Martinez, director of diversity, equity, and inclusion and Title IX coordinator at Oakland
University. “It prohibits discrimination based on sex in any educational program that receives federal assistance.” Title IX has been interpreted to include sexual harassment and assault, according to Martinez. For instance, in September 2019, Professor Gopal Balakrishnan of University of California – Santa Cruz was fired after a monthslong investigation into a history of breaking the school’s sexual harassment policies. The school’s Title IX office conducted the investigation and, although it officially began in 2017, there were at least three other complaints filed prior against Balakrishnan. OU does have training programs in place in order to maintain a “safe and supportive social and learning environment,” as noted by OU’s website. Faculty and staff are strongly encouraged — although, not required — to complete sexual harassment and sexual assault awareness and prevention training as required by the Violence Against Women Reauthorization Act of 2013 (“VAWA”), said Martinez. The Campus Sexual Violence Elimination Act (SaVE Act) requires students to also be trained in the area. Lecturer Susan Evans, Esq., said universities like OU have policies in place for students that are clear and explain how to come forward with allegations.
The procedure to come forth with an allegation against a student by a student would be dealt with through the Office of the Dean of Students. If a complaint is made against a professor, the accuser would be asked to describe the complaint in writing, and the professor would be notified. Then, an investigation would begin by talking to other witnesses and looking at whatever documentation is available. A decision would be therefore by made based on preponderance of evidence. If evidence is found supporting the claim and there is a violation of policy, it would be submitted to the Office of the Provost to decide how to address the behavior and review sanctions. While the ability to express one’s opinion — in and out of the classroom — is an imperative right of the Constitution, the last few years have created a turning point for society in regulating harmful conduct. “[The #MeToo Movement] made people aware of inappropriate behaviors and the avenues available to address it,” Martinez said. “I think the more people speak up, it encourages others to report as well.” Further information on OU’s policies and available resources can be found on the Dean of Students webpage on the OU website.
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sexual
assault
on campus
10 | OCTOBER 23, 2019
Students attend Power Summit
The event served to bring students together AUTUMN PAGE Contributor
Members of the Young Democratic Socialists (YDSA) of Oakland University attended the Michigan Student Power Summit on Oct. 19 and 20 at Michigan State University to learn from others experiences and workshops. Michigan Student Power is a progressive/radical statewide association, which is active on seven campuses in Michigan: Oakland University, Kalamazoo College, University of Michigan Ann Arbor, University of Michigan Flint, Eastern Michigan University and Wayne State University. The Michigan Student Power Summit is a statewide gathering of student organizers, activists and radicals that brings together many strands of organizing in Michigan. It’s about encouraging youths to become unified around social justice issues and skill building. Every year the theme changes for the summit. This year, it was “Transforming Ourselves, Rebuilding Our Futures.” The e-board of the YDSA thought it was fitting for people who are in the club to go because YDSA is rebuilding and starting to get off the ground. Out of everyone in YDSA, Steph Wong, secretary of the group, and I went to the summit. I briefly saw them before my workshop started, and they attended various workshops. Some of the workshops over the two days were: Intro to the Green New Deal, Take Up Space, How We Got Here: A Brief History of Neoliberalism, Amplifying the Personal to Shape the Political, Co-Liberty Socialism, Visioning Liberation, Difficulties of Legal Immigration, and Civic Engagement and Organizing. The content creators for this event were very open to new ideas and offered various supplies for the presenters. I went because I wanted to pick up the knowledge I have gained through experience in a fast-paced environment, where everyone already knew what the meaning was of what was being said, while I struggled to understand what their words meant. My workshop took place on Sunday, Oct. 20, and it was designed for people who had little to no experience in politi-
cal organizing. I made sure to introduce ActBlue as the legal way supporters of a political candidate can donate money, things to consider when choosing venues, average donation sizes (with examples from the Belem Morales suggestions) and stressed the importance of Facebook event sharing. The key element of my workshop was persistence. It is important for young people in politics to stick with it and to not listen to people who say that they don’t belong in politics. The Michigan Student Power Summit can be a great resource for people wanting to get more involved in politics and to learn more about them and the skills gained by both the audience and the presenter can last a lifetime. Other YDSA members will likely return next year if given the opportunity. Wong spoke about their experience at the Summit, saying they made invaluable connections and gained some valuable skills over the weekend.
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I’m not sure if I consider them skills or knowledge, but I definitely learned something this weekend. STEPH WONG YDSA SECRETARY
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“I’m not sure if I consider them skills or knowledge, but I definitely learned something this weekend,” Wong said via email. “There was a lot about self-care as an ongoing process and all the different ways you must/ should take care of yourself, including setting boundaries and getting to know yourself and your needs outside of a colonized mindset. I think it’ll make me examine my behavior and thoughts more and incorporate and/or cut back things in a way that is beneficial for myself in the short run and long run.”
LIFE&ARTS
OCTOBER 23, 2019 | 11
OPINION Freddie Mercury’s ‘Never Boring’ lives up to name LAUREN KARMO Campus Editor
Freddie Mercury once said, “You can do anything with my work, but never make me boring.” Nostalgia spiked in the hearts of Queen fans this week with the drop of the late Mercury’s solo album “Never Boring” on Oct. 11. The album and accompanying box set chronicle the best hits of Mercury’s solo career. Queen’s longtime sound team Justin Shirley-Smith, Kris Fredriksson and Joshua J. Macrae, who also put together the “Bohemian Rhapsody” soundtrack, curated and remixed the album. With 12 tracks, Mercury’s album hits all the right places and is truly never boring. Mercury passed in November 1991 at age 45, but the memory of the little man with the big voice has lived on. From his thin mustache and tight clothes to his torrid love affairs, nothing — not even death — has stopped the king of Queen. Queen’s iconic music is forever loved by many. From cheering “We Will Rock You” at football games to dancing to “I Want to Break Free” at Pride parades, people from all walks of life can find a Queen song to enjoy. Mercury made Queen what it is, and while his solo career isn’t as celebrated as the band’s, it is still just as legendary. The album opens with “The Great Pretender,” a 1955 song originally by The Platters that was recorded by Mercury in 1987. The heartbreaking ballad sets the tone for the
COURTESY OF iTUNES
“Never Boring” celebrates Freddie Mercury’s solo career.
album with Mercury’s intense runs and impressive range. What sets this album apart from the traditional rock of Queen, and what ultimately sets Mercury apart from the rest, is how different his music is. Exploring duets with opera partner Montserrat Caballe, most notably on “Barcelona,” Mercury stepped outside the box and broke down expectations. On “Never Boring,” “Barcelona” has been remixed with the backing of a full orchestra, which adds
to the drama of the song. Where this album falls short is in the modernization of some of the tracks to fit today’s music trends. Specifically in “Living on My Own,” originally released in 1985, Mercury’s voice sounds torn up and layered on top of a techno beat, taking away from the raw talent that Mr. Bad Guy was known for. The best track has got to be “Love Kills.” Listeners experience the range of Mercury’s voice from quiet verses to booming choruses. Opening with a fresh beat, Mercury fails to disappoint with the intensity of his vocals. His first solo record, “Love Kills” is exactly the kind of song that fans want to listen to when they look for Mercury’s music. “I Was Born to Love You” comes in a close second on this album for this music critic. Capturing the human experience of being in that new, special kind of love, Mercury again satiates the soul with his endlessly powerful vocals. The emotions behind this song are the kind that everyone dreams of one day sharing with someone special. Closing with the all-powerful “Made in Heaven,” the late Mercury tugs at the heartstrings of listeners. Bringing tears to the eye, this song is the perfect ending to a beautifully compiled album to honor him. While it is saddening to remember that we will never get a new song by the “Bohemian Rhapsody” singer, the release of this album warms the hearts of many. As he belts in “Made in Heaven,” I, too, “wish it could last forever.”
Rating: 4/5 stars
New film ‘Countdown’ confuses creepy with cliché TREVOR TYLE Editor-in-Chief
Have you ever wanted to know exactly when you’re going to die? No? Yeah, me neither. But for whatever reason, we’re supposed to believe enough people would say “yes” to that question to make a film like “Countdown” seem somewhat believable. Directed by Justin Dec in his feature film debut, “Countdown” is about an app that can accurately predict when its user is going to die. After a string of mysterious deaths that are linked to the app, a young nurse named Quinn (“You’s” Elizabeth Lail) downloads the app out of curiosity, only to discover she has three days left to live. Determined to disprove the app’s claim and save herself, Quinn befriends Matt (Jordan Calloway), a fellow victim of the app whose time is also limited. Together, they must find a way to prevent their impending doom before it’s too late. The film posits an interesting concept, but unfortunately, it just doesn’t work. In many ways, “Countdown” feels like a knockoff of so many other teen thriller films, but its titular app taking on the role of the antagonist makes it feel much more modern. At its core,
COURTESY OF IMDb
“Countdown” is about a nurse who downloads an app that tells her when she’s going to die.
though, “Countdown” essentially thrives on the all-too-familiar tropes of the genre. One of the few refreshing things about this film, however, is its protagonist — for once, it’s not some stupid high school girl whose sole personality trait is making questionable life choices. Instead, we have an intelligent, badass woman who feels, for the most part, real. I’m not going to lie — most of the acting in this film is … not good, to say the least. But Lail’s solid leading performance is ultimately what carries the weight of the film. Furthermore, Quinn’s relationship with her younger sister Jordan (Talitha Bateman) be-
comes a significant emotional plot point, and it’s pretty much the only one that works. There’s a plethora of emotionally ineffective backstories here that we’re supposed to care about, but in its 90-minute runtime, the film fails to give audiences a reason to care about most of them — in fact, I found myself laughing during several moments when I probably should’ve been scared. (The most terrifying moment was, unfortunately, during the film’s final moments, when it not-so-subtly teased what is sure to be a terrible sequel that absolutely should not be made under any circumstances.) One of these emotional subplots is related to
sexual assault, but it feels a bit too disjointed from the rest of the narrative to pack the punch it’s supposed to. “Countdown” uses it as a seemingly desperate attempt to make a political statement, which is great … except it has very little to do with what’s going on in the rest of the film. As far as the horror element of “Countdown” goes, it’s pretty bleak. There’s a few genuinely terrifying moments, a few that teeter between scary and laughable, and a whole lot of ridiculously cringeworthy jumpscares. In fact, the film’s attempts at being humorous are far more successful than its attempts at being horrifying. A brutally honest cell phone repair shop manager played by Tom Segura and a dorky, but equally hilarious, priest played by P.J. Byrne are quite possibly the best thing about this movie. Their roles are used rather sparingly across the the film’s perfectly paced hour-and-a-half-long runtime, but they steal the show in every scene they’re in. “Countdown” is by no means a bad movie. Sure, it’s forgettable, predictable and, for the most part, uninspired — but it’s still, albeit barely, entertaining enough to get the job done.
Rating: 2.5/5 stars
OPINION
12 | OCTOBER 23, 2019
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Tragedy of Harry Dunn sparks criticism of ‘diplomatic immunity’
AUTUMN PAGE Comtributor
Harry Dunn, a 19-year-old teenager from the U.K., was killed in late August 2019. He was hit while riding his motorcycle near Croughton, England. You may be thinking, “OK, why does this matter?” Well, the person who hit him, Anne Sacoolas, is wife to Jonathan Sacoolas — a diplomat’s wife. She was driving on the wrong side of the road, hitting him head on. Then she proceeded to leave the country a few weeks later. She flew into the United States, claiming diplomatic immunity, according to Vox. This caused a whirlwind of turmoil, since President Trump blames the UK — more so their roads. The parents of Harry, Tim Dunn and Charlotte Charles, visited the White House as a part of their campaign for justice, and received condolences from Trump. Then,
they received the shocking news that the woman who killed their son was in the next room over and willing to meet, says a writer from The Washington Post. According to Harry’s parents’ spokesperson, Radd Seiger, it wasn’t a pleasant experience for them at the White House. The parents felt “ambushed,” and the word “circus” came to mind when Seiger recalled the experience. Harry’s parents have expressed a desire to meet with Sacoolas, and they have stated that they want any meeting to take place on British soil, according to The Washington Post article, with trained mental health experts on hand to help both sides come to terms with the situation. Dunn’s parents said Trump asked them repeatedly, through the duration of the meeting, if they would meet with Sacoolas, even though they had already declined the offer. You may be wondering to yourself what the big deal is: This wasn’t planned for Harry’s parents. President Trump gave zero respect toward Harry’s parents, proposing that they meet with Anne — right there, right now. It was unplanned, and almost forced upon them. It almost seemed like it was all for the photos, no genuine concern or sorrow from President Trump. Of course the spokesman for the white house, Hogan Gidley, said Trump wasn’t trying to ambush anyone, when speaking to Fox News. Tim and Charlotte only went to the United States to try to persuade Anne to come to the UK to face justice and get their questions answered. They didn’t succeed in their attempts, and under diplomatic immunity Sacoolas made herself unavailable for inquiry or explanation.
It is clear that the Americans are desperate to protect Mrs. Sacoolas ... We are trying to find out why that is. We will not let up in our search for Justice for Harry. We now expect Northants Police to take over ... FAMILY OF HARRY DUNN
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The Dunn family is seeking justice for the death of Harry, and they’re concerned that Sacoolas is being protected and their son’s death is being covered up. A statement from the family said: “It is clear that the Americans are desperate to protect Mrs. Sacoolas and are intent on ruthlessly and aggressively not letting her return. We are trying to find out why that is. We will not let up in our search for Justice for Harry. We now expect Northants Police to take over from the work we have done and the progress we have made, charge her and begin extradition proceedings to bring her back.” The family of Harry Dunn deserves justice for the terrible tragedy they now have to face. Their son’s killer gets to hide under a protective governmental blanket — and the family ends up filled with sorrow and grief, without any closure.
OCTOBER 23, 2019 | 13
PUZZLES Across 1. Ice sheet 5. “You’re --- friends” 10. Art genre 14. They may be put on 15. One side of a dispute, often 16. Still under cover 17. Signing place 19. Tool repository 20. Some dash lengths 21. Shaker founder Ann 22. Place for landlubbers 24. Recruit’s sentence ender 25. Like most modern homes 27. Matchmaker in “Fiddler” 30. Revved the engine 31. --- about (roughly) 32. Wipe the slate clean 33. “Witness” actor Lukas 37. Wrinkled fruit 38. Akron production 39. Capital on a fjord 40. Reduction 41. Turns over 42. Kind of bog or moss 43. Crappy natural? 45. They work when engaged 46. Like some checks
NOVICE
INTERMEDIATE
TOUGH
49. Bro’s relative 50. Apt 51. Actor DeLuise 52. It precedes automne 55. Film lioness 56. It’s found in pads 60. Pub servings 61. One-celled protozoan 62. Skirt type 63. Shannon and Monte 64. Points of interest 65. Current letters
18. Lamb or Kazan 23. Joan of Arc title, for short 24. Food and game fish 25. Kind of optimism 26. Not spotted 27. “--- better believe it!” 28. MIT grad. 29. --- contendere 30. Be in mourning 32. List extenders 34. Befuddled 35. Having wings 36. Tipplers Down 44. Former Indian P.M. 1. Lose brightness Shastri 2. “The --- in Winter” 45. Lace maker’s thread 3. Scraps 46. Make, as a case 4. D.C. clock setting 47. Valley on the moon 5. Its bark is used in dyes 48. Canvas support and tanning 49. Fountain concoctions 6. Like the one who can’t 51. Chit subject bear you? 52. DeMille production 7. “The Mikado” dress part 53. Cultivate, as a garden 8. Conventional start? 54. Carmen or Ambler 9. Enormousness 57. His chest is protected 10. Result of serious at home disappointment 58. Bloom in “The 11. Antonym of love Producers” 12. Big name in farm 59. Dylan’s “I --machinery Lonesome Hobo” 13. Included afterward
14 | OCTOBER 23, 2019
SPORTS
Waterfield details new off-field initiatives MICHAEL PEARCE Sports Editor
In the new day and age of sports psychology and nutrition, the Oakland University Athletics Department is trying to keep up with the times. Athletic Director Steve Waterfield has been working for the past year on improving programs for student athletes in a way that isn’t just about sports. In spring, the athletics department submitted a request for proposal form for athletic medicine services for all student athletes. In August, the department settled on a partnership with Henry Ford Medical Services to provide sports medicine resources for student athletes. This includes primary care, orthopedic care, incoming physicals, sports psychology and nutrition. “Starting around August, they started to provide coverage at our athletic events,” Waterfield said. “Their doctors also provide clinical coverage to our student athletes. We have two primary doctors we work with, but they have two or three doctors that also help, so it’s a team of about five.” This program provides student athletes expedited access to MRIs and diagnostic testing through Henry Ford. Before this, the team just had one head physician that oversaw all medical care for student athletes. Now, the coverage is deeper and extends to more areas, like nutrition and psychology. Waterfield believes sports psychology is critical today. “Mental health of students in general is so important,” he said. “I’m excited because President Pescovitz provided funding for myself and the Dean of Students’ Office to hire another psychologist through the Graham Counseling
SAM SUMMERS | PHOTOGRAPHER
New initiatives include nutrition and academic support.
Center that would be shared and benefit both the student population and the student athlete population.” With previous experience at larger schools, Waterfield saw the effect of sports psychology at other programs. “I thought it was important for us to continue to grow what we were offering in these areas,” he said. “Just because we aren’t in the Big 10 doesn’t mean our student athletes shouldn’t have the same sort of resources available.” Other schools like Nebraska have multiple full-time psychologists available, but Waterfield believes making strides in this program is a step in the right direction for a mid-major school like Oakland.
Another initiative from the athletics department is career preparation for student athletes, which is referred to as “student athlete development programming,” which revolves around life skills. Ashley Stone, the associate athletic director for student-athlete experience and senior woman administrator, started this program, which focuses on providing resources for student athletes based around their class year. This includes Waterfield mentoring student athletes, meeting with his six student athletes once or twice a semester and talking about the handbook that Stone developed. “There’s a lot of hours that are spent that might prevent them from attending the career fairs,” Waterfield said. “We are trying to find ways to provide venues for the student athletes to get the information that they need.” Nutrition is another thing that can be challenging for student athletes with a busy schedule. The athletics department also dedicated time to improving resources to help fuel their athletes. “We’ve started to give our student athletes post-workout shakes and treats, stuff like that,” Waterfield said. “It helps reward them for the work they put into the weight room and refuel them, because often times they have to go from the weight room to class.” Waterfield has received positive feedback from student athletes and staff about these new initiatives. Despite positive feedback, he still is always looking forward. “We have to continue to look at ways we can meet what our student athletes need,” he said. “A lot of credit goes to Ashley Stone; Carrie Aprik, our nutrition person; and Chris Curran in athletic training, and other people within athletics who help out. There’s a lot of people who work together and collaborate to help execute all of these initiatives.”
THE SPORTING BLITZ
Volleyball The volleyball team continued their winning ways during the weekend, extending their winning streak to five games. They kicked off a four-game road trip with two wins over in-conference teams, winning 3-2 over Cleveland State and 3-0 over Youngstown State. Against Cleveland State, the match was tight the whole way. Oakland University took the first two sets, but were unable to close the match out in the third or fourth sets, and Cleveland State was able to force a fifth. The final set went down to the wire, but the Golden Grizzlies came out on top, 16-14 in the fifth set. This win put the Golden Grizzlies at 4-3 in the conference, and ended a threegame losing streak to Cleveland State. Jamie Walling led the team in kills again with 22, as she recorded her fifth match of the year with more than 20 kills. Two days later, the team traveled to Youngstown to play against the Pen-
guins. The Penguins, like the Vikings, were also a team at the bottom of the standings in the Horizon League, sitting at 2-5 in conference play. The Golden Grizzlies swept the Penguins in straight sets, 3-0, on the strength of Walling’s 14 kills and Taylor Dellinger’s 13 kills. After a close first set which ended 2725, the Golden Grizzlies took control of the match and won the next two sets 2518 and 25-19. Freshman AnnaBelle Tomei led the team in assists as well, with a match-high 22. Walling’s efforts resulted in her being named the Horizon League’s offensive player of the week. The next match for the Oakland volleyball team is against the University of Illinois-Chicago Flames on Friday, Oct. 25. Women’s Soccer The women’s soccer team traveled
to Green Bay to face off against the Phoenix on Saturday, Oct. 19. Jaimie Leas recorded another clean sheet in a 2-0 victory. Oakland got off to an early lead in the eighth minute, when Alexa Sabbagh scored her sixth goal of the season on an assist from Carmela Barro. For the sophomore from Spain, this was her second assist of the season. The first half ended 1-0, and quickly into the second half Oakland would record their second and final goal. Sami Lopez provided the assist for Taylor Thalheimer, who scored her third goal on the season two minutes into the second half. After that, no more goals were scored, and the Golden Grizzlies improved to 4-1-1 on the season in league play. Men’s Soccer Men’s soccer received their first Horizon League loss this season in a match
against UIC, which went to overtime. The Golden Grizzlies had a 2-0 lead at halftime, but the home team was able to rally back and tie the game, eventually winning it on a golden goal in overtime, 3-2. Noah Jensen scored on the first goal and assisted on the second, adding three points to his season total. Charlie Braithwaite also scored, recording his fifth goal on the season, which leads the team. The Flames are 4-1 on the season now, and 10-4 overall. Despite the loss, Oakland remains at the top of the standings in the Horizon League. Their next match will be against Marshall University on Tuesday, Oct. 29 at 7 p.m. on ALS Awareness Night.
Compiled by Michael Pearce, Sports Editor
SPORTS
OCTOBER 23, 2019 | 15
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WRITE FOR THE OAKLAND POST! We’re looking for contributors from
PHOTO COURTESY OF MARIA RIVERA
Leas hopes to return to the Horizon League this year and to leave with a win.
Goalie Jaimie Leas to be named Defensive Player of the Week LAUREN KARMO Campus Editor
Women’s soccer goalkeeper Jaimie Leas celebrated a 2-0 record last week with wins over Detroit Mercy and Indiana University — Purdue University Indianapolis (IUPUI). Leading her team with two saves against UDMercy and a shutout against IUPUI, Leas was named Horizon League Defensive Player of the week. From a young age, Leas couldn’t be kept away from the game. She was first introduced to recreational soccer in third grade and began travel at at the U12 level. Her experience with travel teams led to being recruited to play for Oakland. Originally a field player when she was first starting out, Leas quickly fell into the role of goalkeeper as she moved up in competition level. “I didn’t necessarily want to be a goalie at first, no one ever does,” Leas said. “It was during rec — we would just rotate, and as we got older, they wanted a strong goalie. I didn’t really want to — I didn’t have much skill at the time until I started club, but I was just fearless.” Her fearlessness has helped her stick with the game from then on. Despite her original hesitation at playing in the net, Leas has grown to love her position. “I feel like goalkeepers are weird, and I fit in that category,” Leas joked. “So, it suits me pretty well.” As a keeper, Leas puts in extra practice time. Meeting with the other keepers for training before the rest of the team is a key aspect to her preparation for big games. Facing a rival like Detroit Mercy adds extra pressure, which Leas uses to stay focused and motivated leading up to the match.
A transfer, Leas started her collegiate soccer career at DePaul University, where she started three games as a rookie. Since playing for the Golden Grizzlies, Leas has seen increased success as her career progressed. This season, she has found herself stepping more and more into a leadership role on her team. “Being here at Oakland, it’s made me be more of a leader,” Leas said. “We don’t have set roles for certain players here, so people who have certain leadership roles step into those roles. That allows players to develop more.” Last season, Leas started all 19 games and ended 2018 with five shutouts against Horizon League opponents, making her first in the league. This season, the redshirt junior has already recorded two shutouts and a save percentage of 0.690. “Being a leader is working the best I can work, and letting other people see that I’m working as hard as I can for the team and not just for myself,” Leas said. Off the field, Leas works hard to build friendships with her teammates. Checking in with her teammates and making connections is important to her and to the success of the team as a whole. Falling short of winning the Horizon League championship last year, ending with a No. 6 ranking, the team hopes to come back stronger than ever. Looking forward, Leas hopes to ride the success of last week into the rest of the season. “[My goal is] to definitely get more shutouts,” Leas said. “As a team, we’re looking to win the Horizon League and hoping to make an appearance in the NCAA tournament.” Leas and the women's soccer team returns home on Wednesday, Oct. 23 at 7 p.m. against the Northern Kentucky Norse.
ANY MAJOR
ANY BACKGROUND Contact kvalley@oakland.edu
16 | OCTOBER 23, 2019
SATIRE
The best places to make out on campus MICHAEL PEARCE Sports Editor
Listen, my horny readers, I know what you freaks like. I see you all the time getting cuddled up in the most strange places. Whether it be the Oakland Center, the hallways of Varner or your cars, you people are animals. With that being said, I’m here to help you. I don’t give a shit who you want to kiss, just do it out of my sight. Keep it classy, my dudes. Perhaps my number one make out spot on Oakland’s campus is the top of the Elliott Tower. Nothing more romantic than frenching your partner as you both look out on Oakland’s beautiful campus. While the business is getting freaky, you also can play some tunes on the bells. Maybe some Usher, some Trey Songz, really anything to get in the mood. While you dabble on the carillon bells and find your true self, you also feel like a Bond villain, so there is no limit to the power you hold at one of the highest points on campus. It’s basically Oakland’s version of Viagra, a real power trip. Next up is for the sporty gals and guys. Every Oakland student gets a free Rec Center membership. Inside the palace of sweat is a secret nook known as the racquetball court. These courts are also used for wally ball, which is a hoot of a time. Anyway, I digress. This isn’t about wally ball, this is about going balls
to the wall. Take your partner on a tour of the Rec, do some push-ups and squats, and then go hog wild in the lesser-used racquetball courts. The only issue with this is the glass wall that exists, but after careful observation of couples in Varner Hall, I now know that visibility does not matter. It’s disgusting, but sometimes you just can’t control yourself. Another spot that is prone to foreign activity is on the bridge over Bear Lake. The ambient sounds of the fountains will set the mood for you and your lover. Be careful, lovebirds, because during the colder months it gets a little slippery on the ice. However, that can add another dimension of fun for you and your sweetie pie. Nothing is more romantic than having to fight off geese that want to murder you while you suck face like a hoover vacuum. One hand on her thigh, one hand on a goose’s neck as you dive into the world of adulthood. Lastly, perhaps the most intriguing place to express your undying love to your pumpkin pie sweetie bear boo boo bun is the library. Gain knowledge of yourself and your partner as you peruse the library. Just keep it quiet, please. Try a glass study room for a little bit of seclusion, or take it down to the archives and find the secrets of the university. Alright guys, I hope you enjoy your new, fresh make out spots. All I want to do as chief satire loser is spread love, and I hope I did that today. Enjoy, you wild ones.
ERIN O’NEILL | DESIGN EDITOR
Couples should learn to take their affections to more convenient places on campus.
ERIN O’NEILL | DESIGN EDITOR
With new renovations, our beloved South Foundation bathrooms are going bye-bye.
Goodbye, South Found bathrooms
LAUREN KARMO Campus Editor
Dear South Found Bathrooms, You will not be missed. With the upcoming renovations to the beloved South Foundation Hall, it seems our days together are numbered. I will cherish every trip I take to avoid sitting in class and every dirty mirror selfie taken in front of your sinks. People never realize what they have until it’s gone, and I can’t help but feel heartbroken at our parting. The sweet stench of sewage and chlorine burning my nose is almost nostalgic now. The out-of-order signs hanging from half the stalls make my heart ache. Soon, these things will be gone from us, and replaced by new-age plumbing that won’t back up every time you take a shit. The thought that the stalls may one day lock is astounding. The weird pose we all learned to hold the door closed while we take a piss will be irrelevant. Flexibility in OU students will dramatically drop after this renovation is complete, mark my words. The gap between your stall doors and the frames might disappear. I know the design plans haven’t been finalized, so there’s a chance that we will still get to stare at ourselves in the mirror and make awkward fleeting eye contact with people washing their hands as we sit on your toilets. One can only hope. I know some things will never change. The wads of hair in the sink, the layer of filth and piss on the ground, the bunches
of toilet paper in the corners of the stalls. These things are not your fault, and knowing that the n*w b*throoms will return to this state is comforting. Call me an optimist, but I have high hopes for the new place. Maybe your new paper towel dispenser will stay stocked so I don’t have to dislocate my wrists as I furiously shake my hands dry. Maybe the water that comes out of your sinks won’t be so cold it freezes my fingers or so hot it burns my hands. Maybe, just maybe, it’ll only take one flush to get rid of a single square of toilet paper. I know our parting will be bittersweet. You served us well, South Found Bathrooms. From your birth at the dawn of time, 1959, you have helped students skip class for generations. Your endless lines to use the one available stall make the experience last the maximum amount of time, just as God intended. When all the toilets actually function like they’re supposed to, the wait time will be cut by one billion percent, which is honestly a tragedy. Degenerates like myself will have to resort to other ways to get out of lectures, like twiddling my thumbs or staring at a wall, and those excuses just aren’t as good. With the renovations planned to begin at the end of the winter semester, I’m trying to enjoy my last few months with you as best I can. I might have to start taking two trips to the bathroom every class period instead of one, just to spend as much time with you as possible. Until we meet again, old friend. Love, Lauren <3