Options Magazine Feb/March 2019 by Options Magazine

options February / March 2019

OPTIONS is going Digital

LOVE & MARRIAGE CUDDLING WITH STRANGERS ADOPTION: PROS & WOES www.optionsri.org Rhode Islandâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s LGBTQ Community Magazine Since 1982

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IN THIS ISSUE: 8 12 15 16

5 From the Editor 6 From the Board President 6 Advertisers 8 Calendar 10 News Briefs 12 Passages: Belle Pellegrino 12 Passages: Chris Harris 15 Love & Marriage 16 Cuddling with Strangers 18 Out on the Town 20 Co-ed Flag Football 23 Love is in the Moment 24 PrYSM: Queer Transformative Roots 24 YPI: Commitment and Dating 26 Interview: Betty Husted 27 Adoption: Challenges Remain for LGBTQ Community 28 Resources 35 Felicitations 35 Transosaurus Rex

For our free online edition or to subscribe for home delivery ($35/year suggested donation) visit optionsri.org, email subscriptions@optionsri.org, or write to: Options Magazine, PO Box 6406, Providence, RI 02940. ÂŠ OPTIONS 2018. Options is published bimonthly. The opinions expressed are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect those of the volunteers or staff. Listings are provided as a resource and do not imply endorsement. Submissions to Options must include a phone number or email address. Names may be withheld on request. Submissions, ads, calendar, or resource listings for the April/May 2019 issue must be delivered by March 15.

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From the Editor-in-Chief

options

Rhode Island’s lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer community news source since 1982.

Dear Reader,

February/March 2019

We affectionately referred to this edition of Options as “The Love Issue” while creating our editorial plan and assigning stories. Perhaps Valentine’s Day is flimsy inspiration, but when you represent a community largely defined by who and how they love – why the heck not? This issue runs the gamut of perspectives on love and intimacy: Three wedded couples tell us what marriage means to them (p. 27); challenges for partners planning to grow their family through adoption are explored (p. 22); we get the inside scoop on the professional cuddling trend (p. 16); a youth talks commitment and dating (p. 24); and relationship therapists remind us that love is in the moment (p. 23). Be sure to check the Calendar for Valentine’s date ideas (p. 8). With the promise of a spring thaw comes the urge to stretch our bodies, pump our limbs, and get our blood flowing. LGBTQ sports have never been more popular, with various leagues expanding around the state. This season, softball newcomers will find an additional division for beginners (p. 10), and a new co-ed flag football league in RI (p. 20) has been started by players who’ve been enjoying the Boston league. Our Resources section (p. 32) can connect you to various other LGBTQ sports leagues. We lost two community pioneers this past winter who have been memorialized within Options’ all too frequent feature Passages (p 12). Belle Pellegrino courageously marched in Rhode Island’s first Pride Parade in 1976, and contributed to the community in more ways than can be counted ever since. I had the privilege of interviewing Belle for Options’ July 2014 issue, and I encourage you to revisit that fascinating read online. I’ve written quite a few obituaries for local community members, sadly, but never for someone as young as Chris Harris, who employed me in one of his clubs years ago. We often hear people say, “Just throw a huge party for me when I die.” Leave it to the King of Clubs to actually have that happen, as “EPIC” as promised. Anyone who attended his memorial now knows what it’s like to experience a Pride Parade in January (p. 19). Belle and Chris were giant fish, from different schools, in a small Rhode Island pond. They gave so much to the community that they fiercely loved, and their absence will be felt at many a drag show, community meeting, and, of course, parade. This issue reminds us that life is for lovin’! So get to it. In solidarity, Jen Stevens Tom B. Lovely Austenson, Sarah Rich, Jen Stevens, and Belle Pellegrino at Rock & Trivia to benefit Babies for Us in May 2018.

Volume XXXVII, Issue 7

Editor-in-Chief Jen Stevens jen@optionsri.org Resources Editor Myra Shays resources@optionsri.org Copy Editors Rex LeBeau, Charlotte Abotsi Carson Pavao, Myra Shays Graphic Design Theresa “Reese” Barzyk www.tibcreativestudio.com Intern Charlotte Abotsi Contributors Charlotte Abotsi, Felicia Nimue Ackerman, Guillaume Bagal,Yael Bat-Shimon, Chris Cedroni, Justice Gaines, Duane Gosley, Molly Heller, Rex LeBeau, TC Rogers, Myra Shays, Paula Smith, Jen Stevens Photographers Jen Bonin, Ryan Clarke Advertising advertising@optionsri.org

Contact Us info@optionsri.org PO Box 6406 Providence, RI 02940 401-217-3939 www.optionsri.org Cover: Brides Stephanie Storch and Emily Douglas. Photo by Jennifer Farron at JM Farron photography

We want to hear from you. Send letters to editor@optionsri.org.

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BOARD Executive Committee Dr. TC Rogers, President Melissa DaSilva, LICSW, Vice President Dr. Mike Marrapodi, Treasurer Directors Brendan Chipley Roane Ashley Delgado Daniel Kellum, Esq. Kay Martinez Arthur Snow

FROM THE BOARD PRESIDENT Dear Readers, This is an exciting time for Options! The organization continues to evolve to ensure sustainability. Our current initiatives include developing our online news source, strengthening our finances to continually offer free community news and support for local LGBTQ+ nonprofits, and changing from a 501(c)(4) to a 501(c)(3). Options will publish our April/May travel issue through our new digital media site for subscribers, while still providing print copies to our contributing LGBTQ+ nonprofits and donors. This platform will allow Options to provide more visibility to local nonprofits and businesses because advertising with Options will now include print ads, digital ads linking to the organization/business website, and relevant social media posts. Building up Options’ online platform will leverage us more advertising revenue, and grant funding. Book your ad now for the April/May Travel & Leisure issue before we run out of ad spaces! Email tc@optionsri.org to get started. Current subscribers: to receive Options’ digital edition, simply signup with your email address at Optionsri.org and we’ll email you our future publications. If you prefer to still receive the printed edition in the mail – no problem – please click our “Donate” tab; donate $35 or more; and type your mailing address in the comment field. 2018 donors will remain on the snail mail list. Please donate annually to continue to receive all printed editions at your home or business. We’re delighted that our board of directors has unanimously voted to change from a 501(c) (4) to a 501(c)(3). By making this shift, donations to Options will be tax exempt, our organization will be eligible to apply for more grants, and major costs such as postage will be reduced. A huge thank you goes out to board members Daniel Kellum, Esq. and Dr. Mike Marrapodi for making this happen. We’ll update you here once our 501(c)(3) status goes into effect. The Options board and our editor-in-chief work tirelessly to expand and modernize this 36-year-old resource for our community. I am so proud to work with such a dedicated and talented team. When you see an Options team member, please say, “thank you,” for all of the time that they dedicate. A thank-you goes a long way in supporting one another in this beautiful community that we share! Cheers, Dr. TC Rogers Options Board President

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Options | February / March 2019

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CALENDAR: February

Sat. 2 Becky Chace Band, 5pm. The Parlour, 1119 North Main Street, Providence. For info, beckychace.com.

FEB 4, 11, 18, 25 GAYme Night

FEB 5 Pig in a Wig with Lady Bunny

FEB 14 Sweet Little Valentine’s Show

FEB 16 RI Women’s Assoc. Dance

FEB 23 ICRI Broken Hearts Ball

Sun. 3 Drag Brunch, 12-2pm. Massimo Restaurant, 134 Atwells Avenue, Providence. Glitz, glam, and humor with Drag in RI girls Jacqueline DiMera, LaDiva Jonz, and Vi’let. Reservations encouraged at 273-0650. Sun. 3 Options Magazine Release Party, 3-5pm. The Stable, 125 Washington Street, Providence. Volunteers needed for distribution. Mon. 4, 11, 18, 25 Free Play Arcade GAYme night, 7pm1am. Colosseum, 182 Pine Street, Providence. Over 115 vintage arcade games, pinball, skee ball, and drag show. All games set to free play. 18+. $4 cover to benefit RI Pride. For more info, freeplayri.com. Tue. 5 Pig in a Wig starring Lady Bunny, 7:30pm. Fete Music Hall, 103 Dike Street, Providence. Raunchy pop parodies, scandalous videos, over-thetop costumes, and irreverent humor. Tix $45/$65 meet and greet. Sat. 9 Womxn's Night, 8pmmidnight.Askew, 150 Chestnut Street, Providence. A cabaret and club night for womxn featuring music by Purple Honey, How's About Charlie, and Tammy Laforest. Partners, friends, and allies welcome. 21+. $10 cover. For more info, facebook.com/ WomxnsNight. Sun. 10 RI Prime Timers, 4:307pm. Social, dinner, and networking group for older gay and bi men on second Sundays. For more info, www. riprimetimers.org or call Steve at 996-3010. Thu. 14

Sweet Little Valentine’s

Options | February / March 2019

Show, 8pm. Askew, 150 Chestnut Street, Providence.A queer-produced potpourri of entertainment performed monthly on second Thursdays. $7 to pay the artists. Food menu available. Featuring: Hooper Jessie Jewels, comic Liz Almond-Frias, and band Sarah Rich & Invincible We. For info, facebook. com/sweetlittlevarietyshow and sweetlittlevarietyshow.com. Fri. 15 SAGE LGBT Café, noon2pm. Church of the Transfiguration, 1665 Broad Street, Cranston. A delicious, low-cost lunch in a gayfriendly setting on third Fridays sponsored by Meals on Wheels, the Department of Elderly Affairs, and SAGE-RI. $3 donation suggested for LGBT people 60+ and people with disabilities; $6 donation suggested for all others. Reservations required. Call Diane at 351-6700 x105.

Fri. 15 Heartbreakers Ball withThe Trailer Park Girls, 6:30pm-midnight. Parlor Bar & Kitchen, 200 Broadway, Newport. Dinner and drag show seatings 7pm and 9pm, $50. Dance party only entry 9:30pm, $10. Tix at newportout.com/events. Sat. 16 RI Women’s Association Dance, 6:30-11:30pm. The Nelson, 225 Niantic Avenue, Cranston. DJ Karen, cash bar, food menu. Members free/guests $12. For info, riwa.net. Sun. 17 Surge Tea Dance, 4-9pm. Rooftop at the Providence G, 100 Dorrance Street, Providence. This month’s theme: Lost in the Lodge “The Blackout.” Featuring DJ Jake, host Ninny Nothin, and 50/50 raffle to benefit Options Magazine. Sun. 17 Interweave potluck and programming, 5:30pm. Parish Hall of Channing Memorial Church, 135 Pelham Street, Newport. All welcome. Bring a dish to share. Interweave is Channing's group

for LGBTQ people and allies. For more information, contact Rex at interweave@channingmemorial.org. Wed. 20 Queer Book Club, 7-9:30pm. Reading: The House of Impossible Beauties by Joseph Cassara. Third Wednesdays at Books on the Square, 471 Angell Street, Providence. For more info, email queerbookclub@ gmail.com or join the Providence Queer Book Club Facebook group. Thu. 21 Drag Bingo: A Groovy Kind of Love, 6-9pm. Riviera Bingo Palace, 1612 Elmwood Avenue, Cranston. Hosted by Haley Star and LaDiva Jonz. $20 gets you in all games with over $2,000 in cash and prizes awarded monthly. 18+. No alcohol. Theme dress encouraged. All funds raised benefit AIDS Care Ocean State and AIDS Project RI. For reservations, email bingo@aidscareoceanstate.org with name, number of people, and phone number. Fri. 22 Randy Andy's VD Spectacular: Drag King Show and Queer Dating, 7:30pm doors/8:30pm show. AS220, 115 Empire Street, Providence. $10 advance/$15 at the door. Drag king show, interactive games, chances to win dates with kings, flirt stations, prizes, and more. For more info, email randyisanadjective@gmail.com. Sat. 23 The Imperial Court of RI’s Broken Hearts Ball, 7-10pm. Providence Eagle, 124 Snow Street. $10 suggested donation.

March Sat. 2 Investitures II, 6-9pm. Location TBA at press time. Emperor XXVI Tom B Lovely-Austenson and Regent Empress XXVI Jealousy Jonz host as new members are vested into the Imperial Court of RI and current

memberships are elevated. Open show included. For info, icriprov.org. Sun. 3 Drag Brunch, 12-2pm. Massimo Restaurant, 134 Atwells Avenue, Providence. Glitz, glam, and humor with Drag in RI girls Jacqueline DiMera, LaDiva Jonz, and Vi’let. Reservations encouraged at 273-0650. Sun. 3 20th Annual RI Pride Goddess Show: A Celebration of Women in the Arts, 2-7pm. Askew, 150 Chestnut Street, Providence. Featuring Kristen Ford, Jodi Jolt & The Volt, Semi Sweet, Marie Michaelle, Buddy Bing, Bettysioux Tailor, and more, with hosts Karen McDonnell and Ashley Delgado. Tix $20 at prideri.org. Mon. 4, 11, 18, 25 Free Play Arcade GAYme night, 7pm1am. Colosseum, 182 Pine Street, Providence. Over 115 vintage arcade games, pinball, skee ball, and drag show. All games set to free play. 18+. $4 cover to benefit RI Pride. For more info, freeplayri. com. Sun. 10 RI Prime Timers, 4:307pm. Social, dinner, and networking group for older gay and bi men on second Sundays. For more info, www.riprimetimers.org or call Steve at 996-3010. Thu. 14 Sweet Little Variety Show, 8pm. Askew, 150 Chestnut Street, Providence. A queer-produced potpourri of entertainment performed monthly on second Thursdays with host Eva Destruction. $7 to pay the artists. For info, facebook. com/sweetlittlevarietyshow and sweetlittlevarietyshow.com. Fri. 15 SAGE LGBT Café, noon2pm. Church of the Transfiguration, 1665 Broad Street, Cranston. A delicious, low-cost lunch in a gayfriendly setting on third Fridays

sponsored by Meals on Wheels, the Department of Elderly Affairs, and SAGE-RI. $3 donation suggested for LGBT people 60+ and people with disabilities; $6 donation suggested for all others. Reservations required. Diane at 351-6700 x105. Sat. 16 Womxn's Night, 8pmmidnight. Askew, 150 Chestnut Street, Providence. A cabaret and club night for womxn featuring queer performance. Partners, friends, and allies welcome. 21+. $10 cover. For more info, facebook. com/WomxnsNight. Sun. 17 Surge Tea Dance, 4-9pm. Rooftop at the Providence G, 100 Dorrance Street, Providence. This month’s theme: Get Lucky. Featuring DJ Jake, host Ninny Nothin, and 50/50 raffle to benefit Options Magazine. Sun. 17 Interweave potluck and programming, 5:30pm. Parish Hall of Channing Memorial Church, 135 Pelham Street, Newport. All welcome. Bring a dish to share. Interweave is Channing's group for LGBTQ people and allies. For more information, contact Rex at interweave@channingmemorial. org. Wed. 20 Queer Book Club, 7-9:30pm. Third Wednesdays at Books on the Square, 471 Angell Street, Providence. Reading: Miss Timmins' School for Girls by Nayana Currimbhoy. Discount on books purchased at Books on the Square. For more info, email queerbookclub@gmail.com. Thu. 21 Drag Bingo: An Irish Lullaby. Riviera Bingo Palace, 1612 Elmwood Avenue, Cranston. Hosted by Haley Star and LaDiva Jonz. $20 gets you in all games with over $2,000 in cash and prizes awarded monthly. 18+. No alcohol. Theme dress encouraged.

All funds raised benefit AIDS Care Ocean State and AIDS Project RI. For reservations, email bingo@ aidscareoceanstate.org with name, number of people, and phone number. Sun. 24 Becky Chace Band, 4pm. The Met, 1005 Main Street, Pawtucket. For info, beckychace. com. Sun. 24 Half Naked: All Heart Charity Underwear Fashion Show & Auction, 7-9:30pm. The Dark Lady, 19 Snow Street, Providence. $10 suggested donation. Proceeds benefit Imperial Court Scholarship Fund, Born This Way youth prom, Matthew Shepard Foundation, and Chris Harris Tribute Fund at the National LGBT Cancer Network

MAR 2 Investitures II

MAR 3 Goddess Show MAR 17 Surge Tea Dance: Get Lucky

Sat. 30 TGI Network Empowerment Breakfast, 9-10:30am. Hope & Main, 691 Main Street, Warren. For tickets, tginetwork.org. Regularly Scheduled Support Groups: ACOS (HIV/AIDS): youth, Tue. 4pm/gay males, Wed. 1:30pm Grief: Usually 3rd Wed. 3:30pm LGBT Alcoholics Anonymous: Tue. 7pm PFLAG (parents, friends, allies): Providence, Attleboro, Newport TGI Network (trans,partner, and non-binary groups): 1st & 3rd Tue. 7pm/Sat. 1pm

TransFamily New England: 2nd Mon. 6:30pm YPI (youth): Way Out, Thu. 4pm/Gender Spectrum, Tue. 4pm/youth 13 and under: Thu. 5pm See Resources on page 28 for complete information

MAR 24 Becky Chace Band at Parlour

MAR 24 Half Naked: All Heart Charity Underwear Fashion Show

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NEWS BRIEFS: by Myra Shays

anyone who wants to join and has never played or is a beginner.” For more info or to register, visit providencesoftball. org. (Photo: The Cruisers, 2018’s 2nd Place D Division team)

Germany Adopts “Diverse” as a Gender Classification

SCOTUS Rules Against Trans Servicemembers

LGBT Action Link reported that on January 22,“the Supreme Court granted the Trump administration's request to begin implementing its discriminatory ban of military service by transgender people, putting the honorable service of thousands of troops on the line. In a 5-4 decision, the Court ruled to allow the cases to proceed in the lower courts. “A study commissioned by the Department of Defense determined that there are no readiness implications that prevent transgender people from serving openly. Transgender service members are held to the exact same rigorous standards as every other service member.”

Softball Registration Opens March 1

The Renaissance City Softball League, a member of the North American Gay Amateur Athletic Alliance, opens registration for their co-ed softball spring session on March 1. The league has been expanding over the years and Commissioner John Morse announced the creation of “a new E division for

LGBT Methodists Await Momentous February Vote

A special meeting of the General Conference - the governing body of the United Methodist Church - scheduled for February in St. Louis, will decide whether, how, and which churches within the movement will permit same-sex marriages and accept openly gay clergy. These questions have been discussed and written about extensively for nearly two years. Some groups say unity is still possible; others contend, "The organization is no longer functioning." One measure (the One Church Plan) would permit – but not require – clergy to perform same-sex marriages. Accepting gay clergy would be a decision for regional boards. Clergy could transfer to churches that match their views. Dissenters from this plan claim it would cause thousands of traditional members to withdraw from the United Church. They want to maintain the status quo, and allow the liberal faction to splinter off. The second plan would divide the national organization into three valuesbased branches, each with its own rules. And the last plan would remove all restrictions nationwide on LGBT people. Many observers think the One Church Plan is the leading choice. One prominent pastor said, "We need to send a message from the Church that we stand for unity."

Options | February / March 2019

In a milestone for people who don't identify as male or female, Germany's parliament passed a law in December allowing people to change the gender identity on their birth certificates and other legal documents to "diverse," according to The New York Times. This follows a four-year campaign by Third Option, the nation's organization supporting gender-fluid people. Third Option criticized the new law because it requires medical certification confirming gender-fluidity. They say physical indicators are not the sole determinant. "If people feel seriously and sustainably not male or female, the law must allow them to register their status as they feel it," said one leader.

Ohio Governor Bars Employment Discrimination

In December, the Governor of Ohio, Republican John Kasich, issued an executive order banning discrimination against LGBTQ state employees. Community activists credit years of hard work and the many courageous transgender people who shared their stories with the governor to ensure full inclusion.

Pakistani Law Would Outlaw Trans Harassment

New York City Now Permits Non-Binary ID Markers

A draft bill being considered in the Pakistani province of Sindh would criminalize workplace harassment, specifically including mistreatment of trans people, and would appoint an ombudsman to receive complaints and recruit staff to implement the law. Included prohibited acts are "requests for sexual favors, sexually demeaning attitude, creating an offensive environment," and offering job advancement as inducements for sex. People convicted under this law would face criminal penalties. Pakistan already has some of the most progressive laws for trans people, who are recognized in the national census and can register as a third gender on passports and other official government documents.

On January 1, New York City began allowing people who do not identify as male or female to change the gender markers on their birth certificates to "X," indicating gender-neutral.The change does not require a note from a doctor. This will set the city's documents apart from those issued in the rest of New York State. It may also put the certificates in conflict with identification issued by the state Department of Motor Vehicles and by the federal government, such as passports and Social Security cards.

Gay Governor Draws Ho-Hums

New York State Passes Momentous Protections for LGBT People

In January, Democrat Jared Polis, the first openly gay governor in the country, took office in Colorado with his husband by his side. He had beaten his opponent (George Bush's cousin) by an 11-point margin. Polis's gayness was "uninteresting to voters," in the words of one columnist. Although Polis said, "The voters really don't care," nationally, the victory was hailed as part of a "Rainbow Wave" that carried more than 150 LGBT candidates into office. Polis has served five terms in Congress and does not conform to any gay stereotype. He's a policy-wonk, a techie with thinning hair and rumpled clothes. He thinks his election "can show LGBT youth that their orientation or gender identity shouldn't stand in the way of whatever they want to achieve, including public service."

In 2016, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo prohibited, by executive order, so-called "conversion therapy" and added transgender people as a protected class in anti-discrimination laws. Now the state's legislature has just passed a law to permanently protect youth from the harmful practice, adding New York to the 14 states (including RI) and the District of Columbia that already ban it. At the same time, both houses of the legislature passed GENDA (the Gender Expression Non-Discrimination Act), a law to protect trans people from discrimination, and to add gender identity to hate crime laws. These momentous laws are the culmination of a decadelong campaign by organizations such as the Human Rights Campaign.

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PASSAGES:

BELLE PELLEGRINO by Jen Stevens

The Rhode Island LGBTQ community lost a stalwart leader, Belle Pellegrino of Providence, who passed away on December 10 at the age of 74. The well-known “76er” helped to organize and marched in the first Rhode Island Pride Parade in 1976. She also participated in the inaugural Pride Parades in Worcester and Albany. Belle selfidentified as a no-op transexual living as a lesbian, and was a longtime member of the Imperial Court of Rhode Island, having served as Emperor 16 and 24. Over the years Belle volunteered for various LGBTQ community organizations. In 2011, with help from community activists Kate Monteiro and Tina Wood, Belle was happily reunited

with her birth family, who fully welcomed and supported her. Belle was a volunteer EMT for the Colonie Fire/Police Department, a chaplain for the TriCounty Council Vietnam Era Veterans, a pastor at UFMCC of Albany, and a dispatcher for the Warwick Fire Department, among other positions. Belle was honorably discharged in the late 60s after serving in the United States Marine Corps. When Belle moved back to Rhode Island from Albany in 1997, she was asked by RI Pride Co-chair Rodney Davis to speak at PrideFest. In a 2014 interview, Belle recalled the experience to Options: “I arrived at

India Point Park quite early in the morning. There was a foot bridge that went over the roadway. I went up the path and stopped at the top to look out over where the festival was to be held. As I watched, I was deeply touched to see how it had grown since 1976. I saw the stage being assembled, booths being readied and there was a children’s area being prepared. In that dewy early morning, I just stood and wept. I was so proud of what we as a community and as a family had grown to become; proud to have played some small role in the birth of what I saw in front of me. I will never forget that moment and the feeling of absolute joy, peace, and Pride.”

PASSAGES:

CHRIS HARRIS by Jen Stevens

On January 9, community leader Christian “Chris” Harris passed away peacefully at home among family and close friends. He was 51 years old. His Providence Journal obituary states: “‘What's up, ProviDANCE?’ is a question familiar to anyone who has attended a Chris Harris Presents event. Lovingly known as the ‘King of Clubs,’ Chris was an award-winning event producer, premier concert promoter, accomplished business owner, and community organizer. He was co-owner of Club EGO in Providence. Chris was… proud to have created safe environments where people could come together to celebrate who they are… and leaves a substantial legacy that is being celebrated

across the country.” Both Rhode Island Pride and Boston Pride released statements mourning his loss. And both organizations named him an Honorary Marshal of their June 2019 Pride Parades. In October of 2018, Rhode Island Pride awarded Chris with its highest honor – the Pyramid of Pride, signifying a lifetime of service to the local LGBTQ community. Boston Pride stated: “Chris helped Boston Pride secure entertainment for events as well as support volunteers with free passes to his club nights for working at Pride events. When Boston Pride hosted its first international Pride conference in 2012, Chris hosted all the delegates at his venues, treating each one as a VIP.To this day,

Options | February / March 2019

Interpride members talk fondly about the warm welcome they received in Boston.” A truly “EPIC Celebration” of Chris’s life was held January 15 at the Providence Biltmore Hotel with speakers, performances, a slide show, and food and drink. A parade complete with a DJ and marching band processed from the Biltmore to the after party at Club EGO, where fireworks burst overhead. The Chris Harris Tribute Fund has been established through the National LGBT Cancer Network (ChrisHarrisTribute.org) to honor his memory and further LGBTQ cancer prevention and education.

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Love & Marriage by Chris Cedroni

If you asked a dozen LGBTQ couples about the importance of marriage, you’d get a dozen different responses, but somehow they’d all be true. The thread of marriage equality is woven into the fabric of our community. It is a couple’s testament of love before church and/or state. It’s politically and legally important, and on some level defines our community’s sense of equality. It provides spouses the right to see loved ones in the hospital when they are ill, or the right to inherit a partner’s pension when they die. But legal rights, as crucial as they are, are not the only reason many couples tie the knot. I discussed marriage with three married couples to find out why they decided to get married and what it means to them – personally and as members of greater society. Joe and Vinny: Marrying Your Best Friend For Joe Reusch and Vinny Izzo, marriage was a simple stop along the path of the love they shared. “We had both just gotten out of relationships when we met. We weren’t looking to fall in love. We became friends, and that friendship just kind of grew and multiplied, but we didn’t rush it,” Vinny says. Joe, a board member at AIDS Care Ocean State, and Vinny, a dedicated volunteer at Drag Bingo, can’t underestimate the value of being married. Like many couples, they had runins at hospitals and had been negatively affected by thorny legal issues before being legally married. They applied for their marriage license right after marriage equality passed. They were in no hurry to have a grand wedding. It simply wasn’t their style. “Our friends and family knew we would do it, and we knew we would do it too,” they say. Their friend Chuck officiated

their marriage in their backyard. “I posted a photo of a diamond ring on Facebook,” Vinny says, “and everybody was chiming in, excited!” For them, marriage offered the chance to be a stronger part of their community, and solidified their already strong bond.

Emily and Stephanie: Following Tradition, and Finding Peace of Mind Emily Douglas and Stephanie Storch were in their 30s when Marriage Equality passed in Rhode Island. It had been a battle that the couple was happy to participate in on both a philosophical and practical level. Emily says, “I had moved up to New England from Kentucky, and the social climate really allowed me to be more open and expressive of who I am. Getting involved with organizations like RI Pride and marriage equality were definitely a part of that….We both have some old-fashioned feelings about marriage, so when Marriage Equality passed, we could get married as part of the natural evolution of our feelings.” She’s also glad she and her partner have all the legal protections that marriage provides them and their two children. “I think about it from time to time, but it won’t define my marriage,” Emily tells me. Hard-won legal and social protections afforded by marriage equality can still be taken away. But for the couple, marriage is not an outward-facing issue. It is what they share and what gives them peace. Frank and Tony: A Celebration of Thanks It’s hard to think of a couple who could bring

more to this conversation than Tony Caparco and Frank Ferri, who have been together since the 1970s. Frank served as a RI State Representative from 2007 until 2015, and previously served as chair of Marriage Equality Rhode Island, the organization that led the campaign for same-sex marriage in RI to victory. “There was a lecture at Rhode Island College that we both attended on the subject of gay marriage back in 1976, explaining how it was, in fact, possible. We weren’t sure if we’d see it in our lifetime, but it laid out a very reasonable argument. It was eye-opening,” Frank tells me. As years passed, and the AIDS epidemic became the focus of the LGBTQ community, it seemed like marriage equality would never happen. But the driven and self-aware couple was, like the LGBTQ community at large, ready to demand equal protections under the law, arguing that they were more vulnerable to catastrophes like the HIV epidemic because they were shut out of legal and social institutions such as marriage. As the argument matured through the 1990s and early 2000s, Frank and Tony noticed that society was becoming more open to LGBTQ issues. The dream of equality was approaching a tipping point, and needed a little push to become reality. Frank and Tony were ready to push. Frank successfully campaigned to become a state representative and made marriage his focus. The RI legislature could not ignore blatant inequality for long. Frank tells me that the issue goes to the core of his being. “Who I am is my equality.” Frank and Tony were married August 1, 2013 – the day marriage equality became legal in RI. Their wedding served as a thank-you to those who fought so hard to achieve same-sex marriage, including politicians, friends, family, and volunteers.

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CUDDLING WITH STRANGERS by Rex LeBeau

by Rex LeBeau

Terror. Sheer terror. “What the hell am I doing?... Is this really what I need right now?... I don’t deserve any of it.” Those thoughts coursed through my mind as I stood in a pair of gym shorts and a T-shirt, trying not to tremble, as I stared down at the mattress in the middle of the floor. Salt lamps cast a warm light on the brown sheet covering the mattress. Fluffy pillows lined the head, stacked against the wall of the small room, part of a yoga studio in western Massachusetts. I hadn’t come there for yoga. I suffered from touch deprivation – skin hunger, a lack of human contact. I came to this small room to have a session with a professional cuddler. I’ve always had a complicated relationship with touch. When I was a little kid I hated being obligated to hug relatives, and found most physical contact gross and uncomfortable. I grew out of that touchaversion, thankfully, and now enjoy hugging friends. As an adult, hugs are the only regular contact I receive. I’m somewhere on the asexual spectrum, where I feel attraction but not very often, and my affections have never been reciprocated. My entire 33 years of gray ace (asexual) life lacked any romantic partner. Being nonbinary adds its own complications. Most of our vocabulary to describe sexual attraction falls within the gender binary; a lesbian is a woman who is attracted to women, for example. Words used to describe attraction to those outside the binary quickly leave our dictionary

behind: scoliosexal, gynesexual, polysexual. Never mind the fact that most online dating sites don’t accommodate anything more complicated than a man seeking another man, with no place for a nonbinary person in the algorithm. Being shy and offthe-charts introverted contribute to my chronically single status. Our culture associates touch with sexual attraction. We keep most people at bay with a handshake. Hugging usually involves some distance. Just look at the bro hug – a manifestation of fear of two men connecting. Our culture has a history of justifying touch when it’s based on desire, like going in for a kiss without asking or tapping that hot ass. For LGBTQ people, internalized shame and the systematic trauma of living in a cishet (both cisgender and heterosexual) privileged society can lead to isolating behaviors. Rejection from friends and family after coming out can ostracize LGBTQ people, denying them the human contact they need. Touch is necessary for survival, as many studies show, but the way our culture operates leaves some people deprived or violated. Up until this point in my life, I coped with the lack of touch by not thinking about it. I stayed busy, hung out with friends, caught a hug here and there. I had genderaffirming top surgery last February with an excellent surgeon in New York. Having a flat chest felt amazing; the recovery went smoothly, and I experienced no pain.

Options | February / March 2019

Then, to make a very long story short, everything went to hell with my job, leading to health insurance woes and a legal battle concerning workplace discrimination. This all proved too much to handle and I sank into a deep depression. I lay in bed crying, wishing I were dead or that there was someone who could hold me. Add a double dose of why-am-I-singleno-one-will-ever-love-me-there-must-besomething-wrong-with-me. The touch deprivation demon sank its teeth into my mind and wouldn’t let go. Maybe this was a solvable problem. Maybe I could find a platonic cuddle buddy if I could figure out how to ask for it. I explained my dilemma a to a worldly-wise friend and she suggested I find someone who does professional cuddling. “Wait. That’s a thing?” A quick Google search yielded the affirmative. I could pay someone to hold me without having to deal with possible romantic or sexual situations or relationships. I just had to choose the provider. I looked at a couple different platforms, picked the one with the style that matched my needs, then looked at provider profiles. Rhode Island didn’t have much to offer, so I looked at Massachusetts’ choices. I loved my new flat chest and did not want any awkwardness around my unconventional body. While the agency that trains the providers explicitly stated that all people are welcome clients regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity, the profile

of Nellie Wilson stood out since it mentioned LGBTQ clients specifically. I dug deeper, watching YouTube interviews of Nellie to get a feel for their personality. Nellie looked to be a little older than I, with curly dark greying hair and glasses. Their gentle explanations of the benefits of touch moved me to tears. We spoke on the phone first to make sure we both understood what professional cuddling was and was not. Nellie also made sure I knew the ground rules before we met, rules like: You must be fully clothed the entire time; you must ask and receive a verbal “yes” before touching; changing your mind is encouraged; the sessions are confidential; it’s okay to become aroused but don’t act on it. I told Nellie I might cry when cuddling with them, and they said that was totally fine. I felt I could be my full frightened self around Nellie, so we booked a session for a cost comparable to a massage. A few days later I found myself sitting cross-legged on the dark brown mattress across from Nellie. They looked at me kindly. I looked at my ankles. We started slowly. Nellie asked if I’d like to put my hands in theirs. I said okay and we held hands for a few minutes. They asked if I’d like to sit sideby-side and put my head on their shoulder. I said I’d try it, and we did that until my neck started to hurt. My full-body cuddling repertoire consisted of spooning or more spooning, so I asked Nellie if they knew of other ways. We ended up in this cozy position I now call Challah bread. I lay on my back with Nellie to one side, and we wrapped our arms around each other while I put my legs over their folded legs. I felt warm, calm, and safe, listening to our breathing, held and being held. A meditative stupor came over me like a gentle cloud. As I left the session, Nellie cautioned that the oxytocin high could affect driving. In subsequent sessions, I became less terrified and started exploring positions and touch. I found how much my new chest liked pressure, and had the idea it might feel good to have Nellie lie on my back. My chest loved it but my neck didn’t. I discovered I enjoyed having my head touched, and now we begin each session with me lying against their front while they play with my hair. This lets me decompress

after the long drive.While cuddling we have lively conversations about everything from whale dissections to polyamory, or enjoy the peaceful silence. Sometimes I’m in the mood for minimal touch, like lying side-byside on our backs, my arm under Nellie’s head. Other times I ask for silly things, like rubbing my belly as if I were a big dog. My favorite position involves lying offset face-to-face, arms around each other, feet entwined. I almost fall asleep listening to Nellie’s heartbeat. After a few cuddling sessions, I still felt pretty miserable about the difficult situations I had to handle, but I no longer felt uncontrollably desperate about lacking touch. I also didn’t spend any more entire days crying in bed. Even though seeing Nellie helped greatly, I wanted more touch and decided to go to a cuddle party. I came across the Cuddle Party organization

I felt warm, calm, and safe, listening to our breathing, held and being held. A meditative stupor came over me like a gentle cloud. during my search for an individual cuddle provider.With the communication skills and cuddle position repertoire I developed with Nellie, I felt scared but ready. Cuddle parties happen all over the country under trained facilitators using similar rules to the ones I learned with Nellie. “Okay, I can do this.” I found a Cuddle Party event in a home outside Boston, paid the much cheaper fee, and waited for the day to come. When I arrived (on time, before they lock the doors), about 20 people gathered in the cramped sunroom. The facilitator led us upstairs to the attic space converted into a cuddling paradise. Comfy couches and chairs lined the walls. A row of mattresses covered the floor between the couches, with pillows along the mattress’ circumference. I wanted to flop right in the middle of the mattresses and go to sleep. But we had to go over the rules first, practicing saying “no” to all touch requests

and asking for the kinds of touch we liked, amongst other things. After the workshop part, those who chose to could ask others to cuddle. I wasn’t sure how cuddling with random people was going to go, but everyone was so sweet and gentle and on the hippie end of the spectrum. The attendees were a wide range of ages, skin colors, and body shapes. I was not the only trans person there (Yay!). Every 20 minutes, a chime sounded and we switched partners or groups. I observed people choosing not to cuddle and just talk or watch. Cuddling with multiple people at once felt so good. I enjoyed almost complete contact when I wound up being the center of a cuddle sandwich, wrapped up in one person’s arms on the front with another person spooning me from behind. It left me feeling protected and pleasantly squished. Before the cuddle party, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to cuddle with cis men for reasons of safety and my own gender dysphoria.The ground rules helped me see past that fear and find comfortable ways to share touch with all kinds of people. Later I learned how some people use cuddle parties to practice having agency over their bodies, to practice saying “no,” and to practice asking for exactly what touch they want – empowering tools in light of the MeToo movement. People of all genders cuddled with each other, even men cuddling with men. And several parties I’ve been to had multiple trans attendees, touch-deprived like me. Touch is a necessary element of human survival, one that many people don’t receive enough of, as the attendance at the cuddle party and Nellie’s profession prove. I feel much calmer and connected after cuddling. I feel open and vulnerable days later. I feel more confident in my new chest since it’s been a non-issue in cuddling with others. I feel more secure identifying as asexual knowing there are plenty of nonsexual ways to have human touch. I feel if 20 strangers can come together under a healthy set of boundaries to share nonsexual touch, there is hope for this world.

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OUT ON THE TOWN

Doggies 'n Drags Mr. Gay RI Benefit for Pride & East Greenwich Animal Shelter The Colosseum, January 13 Photos by Jen Bonin

Options | February / March 2019

Chris Harris Memorial Biltmore Hotel, January 15 Photos by Ryan Clarke

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CO-ED GAY FLAG FOOTBALL LEAGUE ARRIVES IN RI

by Duane Gosley, Commissioner Photo by Patrick Lentz Photography

Rhode Island is already home to multiple queer sports organizations including: volleyball, softball, bowling, rugby and running. The co-ed Providence Gay Flag Football League (PVDGFFL) is excited to kick off their inaugural season this spring and join other leagues in being a great opportunity for LGBTQ+ folks to participate in recreational sports. Since its founding in 2002, the National Gay Flag Football League has launched active leagues in cities such as Boston, LA, San Francisco, Denver, Phoenix, Atlanta, and New York. Our own Providence league will be the twenty-fifth expansion city. The league’s vision is to create a safe and inclusive environment where people, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity or expression, can participate in a competitive and friendly team sport, develop a social support system, and build lifelong friendships. In addition to football, the league will engage other local non-profit organizations to donate time and resources to improve the lives of LGTBQ+ people in Rhode Island. The league has already partnered with AIDS Care Ocean State to begin their volunteerism program. After playing in Boston for six years, I wanted to bring the flag football experience to my new home of Rhode Island. My experience with Boston F.L.A.G. Flag Football gave me a sense of family in an adopted city. I will always remember football as the best part of living in Boston. The board, current and past, has done an incredible job creating a brand and experience that is second to none. I was impressed with the league’s commitment to community service, and the amount of effort that goes into social events

and engagement throughout the year. As commissioner, I want to build Providence Gay Flag Football so everyone can share the same experiences, memories, and friendships I’ve been so fortunate to have in Boston. Joining and participating in a gay sports league presents unique opportunities to meet new people, build friendships, and connect with your community. The experience is about so much more than time spent on the fields. Being part of a team who accepts you for who you are provides a rare moment to let down your guard and embrace yourself and your teammates. Assistant commissioner of the new league, John Zajicek, shared his experience with gay softball. “The one thing that anyone ever wants to feel is loved, and to be included. Unfortunately, for many LGBTQ athletes across the country, finding a place on the field in a safe and supportive environment is a rare occurrence. When I first came out as gay at 22, the only hobbies I had were sports. I began playing baseball at the age of eight and continued to play through my college days. I loved the sportsmanship, comradery, and teamwork that went into competing. I moved to Rhode Island in 2012, just two years after coming out. And in 2013, I discovered the Renaissance City Softball League. I quickly fell in love with the league, the people, and the pure opportunity to continue to play the game that I loved.” The National Gay Flag Football League has elevated their standing in the community over the last few years, especially through recent partnerships with NFL organizations across the country. Member cities including Boston, Denver, Phoenix, and Minneapolis

Options | February / March 2019

have secured sponsorships from their respective NFL teams as they continue to demonstrate the positive impacts their local flag football leagues have on the LGBTQ+ community. Duane and the PVDGFFL Board are proud to bring the NGFFL experience to Rhode Island. Providence Gay Flag Football is looking to recruit a diverse co-ed group of players representing every facet of our LGBTQ+ community. The league is open to players at all levels of ability. We encourage anyone interested in football to sign-up and join us this spring. Most players of other NGFFL leagues begin with little to no experience with competitive football. Part of our mission is to teach the game to our rookies. We use a team selection process that ensures balanced experience and skill levels across all teams in the league. PVDGFFL plans to offer leagues in the spring and fall, and field a travel team or teams to compete in national tournaments and the annual NGFFL Gay Bowl, which will be held in New York City in October 2019. Registration for the spring season is open February 4 – March 17. There is a limited number of spots; registration will close earlier if all positions are filled. Anyone who registers will be guaranteed a spot on a team. Games will be played outdoors on Saturday mornings in Warwick, RI beginning April 13.The spring season ends May 18. You can learn more and register on the PVDGFFL website: www.pvdgffl.org. Follow PVDGFFL on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram: @pvdgffl.

TAPA Seeks Students In Grades 7-12!

TAPA embraces the arts and creativity. We are a safe and welcoming space for all. www.TAPAprovidence.org/ admissions

Greater Providence Chapter

Giving Caring, Conﬁdential Suppor� When You Need It Most

HELPLINE: (401) 307-1802

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When you could use a little face time with your health plan. Introducing Your Blue Store.SM A place to talk local with a local team, in English or Spanish. A place where you can learn about your health plan options, take a fitness class, or even make a payment. When you come to one of our three stores, you’ll also find a warm local welcome – just like at our network providers that proudly display our Safe Zone logo as LGBTQ-friendly offices. It’s not what you’d expect from a health plan, but maybe you should. Visit bcbsri.com/yourbluestore

Look into our Safe Zone program to find a growing list of health providers who deliver safe, affirming, and inclusive care to the LGBTQ community.

Safe Zone Committed to providing a supportive environment for LGBTQ individuals.

Call (401) 459-2200 or just come by: Cowesett Corners 300 Quaker Lane Warwick

Highland Commons 71 Highland Avenue East Providence

Lincoln Mall 622 George Washington Hwy. Lincoln

Blue Cross & Blue Shield of Rhode Island is an independent licensee of the Blue Cross and Blue Shield Association. 7/18

HR-264723

Love is In the

Moment

by Yael Bat-Shimon and Paula Smith

Love is a strange thing. We’ve been learning about and writing about love for years and we’ve come to realize that love, real love, is expressed in moments through our actions. Different factors contribute to who we love and how we love, and a lot of that is tied to our story — where we’re at in our lives, and what’s important to us today, which may be very different from what was important to us yesterday. We believe love is a daily choice. Once we decide to love someone, the intensity of that love changes as if that love lives inside a kaleidoscope — spinning as we continue to love. Love becomes this thing, that grows outside of “Self ” and becomes greater than its parts. And that’s what makes love so beautiful. Yet so difficult. It’s always changing and sometimes unpredictable. Once we decide to share our heart with someone, love grows and becomes its own living breathing thing — separate from us. Assuming it’s healthy love. If it isn’t, it never becomes greater than its parts. It stays inside us, trapped and limited. Unhealthy love is love in a box. But it takes time for love to grow and mature and become greater than the individuals. In the meantime, how do you know if love is healthy love while you’re building? We’ve learned that love comes in MOMENTS. That moment when: ❤ she’s chopping vegetables and you catch her eye and slight smile and the world grows silent. And there’s a knowing. ❤ he whispers something into your ear that you didn’t quite hear but you feel his breath and it feels like your favorite blanket. ❤ you watch her sleeping and she is precious. ❤ your eyes meet theirs without warning, and lock.You’re both completely naked.Trusting. ❤ after a fight when you come back to each other, feeling safe that you can have fights. ❤ you realize you crave the smell of him. ❤ you see her laughing hysterically like no one’s watching and you want the best for this person. ❤ you realize they put you first and didn’t make it about them. ❤ after you orgasm and you want to be nowhere else.

❤ you see him playing with a child and he forgets he’s the adult. ❤ she chooses to support you even though she doesn’t agree

with your decisions.

❤ he didn’t try to fix it but just decided to hold you. ❤ you

see her on a swing and wish you knew her when she was younger. ❤ he said,“I can’t find words for it, let me get my violin and play it for you.” ❤ you both look at each other, knowing how much shit you guys have gone through, the jealousy, the control, the distance, the drift, the hell and back, the trauma, the couples counseling, the change, the growth, the rebirth, and still, together, deciding to love each other. This is how we know love is still looming, catching those moments that remind us we’re on the right track – maybe not every day, but there, scattered and buried. We have to find moments by being open and maybe letting some stuff go. By forgiving. By looking inward instead of over the fence, and working on our own triggers that give us blinders. Because these moments are gems that show us we are on the right path as we continue to climb upward. Moments are easily underestimated. We love fast and we don’t see them. We are often looking at the future or the past and miss them. And when we miss them, we may make decisions we regret. And if these moments stop, either you have stopped or they have stopped, and the love that was growing is no longer growing. It is now inside a bottle. And that is no longer love. That is probably fear. Love is not a constant state of knowing. Love is a continual process of discovery and unfolding. As long as these moments keep coming, unpredicted and naturally you will know that it’s there. We cannot force them. We can only create the space for them to happen. Yael Bat-Shimon, MA, LMHC, and Paula M. Smith, M.Div., MFT are Certified Imago Relationship therapists in private practice in RI. They offer weekend workshops for couples, relationship training for single individuals, and couples therapy. Write to Yael and Paula with your questions at yaelandpaula@optionsri.org.

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QUEER ROOTS:

COMMITMENT & DATING A FIGHT FOR TRANSFORMATIVE

QUEER HOUSING

Molly Heller,Youth Pride Inc. (YPI) in-house LICSW, facilitates free individual counseling sessions with youth during the week. Molly interviewed a seventeen-year-old YPI youth who has been given the alias Samantha.

by Justice Gaines, Queer Justice Coordinator (PrYSM)

Molly: What does commitment mean to you, and how does that contribute to love and dating?

Queer Transformative Roots (QTR) is a group of queer and trans people of color housed within Providence Youth Student Movement (PrYSM), fighting for long-term change in the standards of living for our communities. Queer and trans people of color deserve institutional stability, access to wealth, and spaces for healing, joy, and kinship, all of which we aim to address in our Queer Community Housing Initiative. Homelessness is a big threat to our safety. Housing instability exacerbates instability in all other parts of our lives including our education, employment, financial security, healthcare, and mental health. Through our initiative, we hope to develop a cooperative housing model that mitigates these threats and provides sustainable support for queer and trans people. Our ultimate aim with this initiative is to build our community wealth through collective homeownership. To achieve our goals we need to know what our community needs, what it wants, and what it already offers. We have developed a survey that serves to assess the needs of our community and map the resources currently available, particularly in regard to housing. We may be vulnerable but we are also connected. We are asking anyone who is a part of the LGBTQIA community in RI or provides services to this community to complete this survey (by May 31), which is accessible through this QR code and link. Physical copies are also available upon request. If you have questions, comments, or concerns, please email justice@prysm.us. Queer Transformative Roots meets on Mondays from 7-9pm at PrYSM (669 Elmwood Avenue, Suite B13, Providence). We welcome all queer and trans people of color to our meetings.

Options | February / March 2019

Samatha: Building a commitment is like creating a home. You need the base for a house and bricks to build trust. Both people must be there for each other consistently, which creates friendship. When you find a moment where you catch feelings, you realize you are riding a current and you hope that person is riding the current with you. You must ask yourself, “What makes me think I can trust this person with my heart?” Also, one should be aware that everyone has flaws, and people should be open about those flaws. Molly: Tell me about dating from a youth perspective. Samantha: Dating is what you want, not what you need. Social media are a big part of dating. But youth in this generation seem to be in long term relationships. Youth seem tired of heartbreak because we have seen so much around us with our friends and family, online, and in person. Youth Pride Inc. provides support, education, and advocacy for LGBTQQ young people ages 9-23. Our Drop-in Center is at 473 Westminster Street, Providence, RI. Visit www.youthprideri.org; email info@youthprideri.org, or call (401) 421-5626 for more info.

INTERVIEW: BETTY HUSTED by Charlotte Abotsi

When we think of inclusion and safe spaces, we rarely correlate those places to everyday environments. But shouldn’t the most everyday places be the most inclusive? Betty Husted, a salesperson extraordinaire at Patriot Subaru of North Attleboro, Massachusetts, certainly thinks so. Crowned Ms. Lesbian RI 2014, Husted has taken her LGBTQ advocacy talents to a place where the community surely needs it: a car dealership. Options talked to Husted about first cars, Patriot Subaru’s history of championing the community, and the silly cliche that lesbians love Subarus. Options: Does your title as Ms Lesbian RI 2014 inform the work you do? If so, how? Betty Husted: Being a representative in the LGBTQ community has allowed me to be an advocate in the sometimes intimidating automotive industry. O: Tell the story of how you got your start there. Husted: I had prior sales experience but never with cars. I had been laid off and found Patriot Subaru, a brand new dealership at the time in North Attleboro, advertising on LinkedIn. Since I was Ms Lesbian RI at the

time, I thought the cliche could get me in the door and I could prove myself from there. I did, and in the meantime the dealership has really formed as a place for inclusiveness. O: People might not associate car dealerships with inclusivity. In your experience, how does Patriot Subaru change that narrative? H: First, Patriot Subaru is the Subaru dealership that sponsors RI Pride. When the Orlando shooting happened, we donated a portion of our sales to the friends and families of the victims.We truly treat everyone with the same respect, and understand that everyone has had different experiences in the past or heard different horror stories about the carbuying experience. We've had many LGBTQ associates work for us, and most of the team has family who are "family." One of the funniest anecdotes to share was when our fearless leader, Mark Perryman, who has a gay son, first moved here from Florida, he bought the dealership a full spread of Chick-fil-A for Saturday lunch. He had no idea of its reputation of having an anti-LGBTQ agenda! I informed him, and that poor man

was so embarrassed. I texted his son to make sure he schools his dad from now on. We really strive to make this a comfortable place for everyone. O: Do you recall the story of buying your first car? How did that experience inform your work now? H: The first time I bought a car without my parents, I went to one dealership where the salesman asked me a series questions and said, "I have the car for you," and pulled up a car older and in worse shape than the car I had at the time. I felt ignored and downplayed because I was a young woman with my girlfriend at the time. I went across the street to the next dealership where I was treated with respect and the salesman even stayed after hours to get me the deal I needed with the car I wanted. Years later, there he was, at Patriot Subaru the first day we opened as one of the new sales team members! Through that experience I have learned that the act of listening is the best way to earn a customer's respect, return business and referrals. O: Can you explain the need for LGBTQ consumers to have access to supportive and inclusive spaces? H: Car dealerships have always had a bad reputation as a super-macho environment, and sometimes rightly so. Patriot Subaru understands the initial apprehensiveness. We invite you into our home and to be a part of our family with no closed doors.

We make health care easy.

Neighborhood has affordable plans for:

Children and families • Individuals • Small businesses

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Options | February / March 2019

AD O PTI O N: CHALLENGES REMAIN FOR LGBTQ COMMUNITY by Guillaume Bagal, Lead Diversity & Inclusion Consultant, Blue Cross & Blue Shield of Rhode Island

In the midst of tracking RSVPs and second-guessing every detail of our wedding this past August, my partner and I would often reflect on the fact that our union would not have been valid across the country just three years ago. Thanks to the Obergefell v. Hodges ruling, 2015 was a monumental year for the LGBTQ community. Same-sex marriage was declared legal in all 50 states. Although this year will mark the four-year anniversary, we still have a long way to go in terms of true equal rights for the LGBTQ community, something Blue Cross & Blue Shield of Rhode Island (BCBSRI) and I are both extremely passionate about. In many cases, following a marriage, couples contemplate having children, but for the LGBTQ community, this milestone can prove to be much more difficult than expected, particularly when it comes to adoption. Prior to Obergefell, some states protected same-sex couples’ right to adopt children, while others expressly prohibited lesbians and gay men from adopting (or had no laws on the subject). Although the 2015 ruling didn't explicitly address adoption, some of the plaintiffs in the case raised adoptionrelated issues and it was explicitly recognized that many LGBTQ couples want to adopt children. But we aren’t quite out of the woods yet; discrimination remains against same-sex partners who wish to adopt, despite the abundance of data proving how the LGBTQ community is active and instrumental in fostering and adopting children. The Williams Institute at UCLA reports that same-sex couples are four times more likely than heterosexual couples to have an adopted child in their household and are six times more likely to raise foster children in their household. Studies show that banning gay and lesbian foster care would cost the U.S. $87 to $130 million in lost child care, with individual states losing as much as $27 million. Less than one-fifth of adoption agencies are actively attempting to recruit LGBT adoptive parents. Another problem working against these parents is religious exemption laws – or laws that allow child placement agencies to deny LGBTQ prospective parents based on religious beliefs. A recent article from NBC News reports that, at present, ten states in the U.S. (Alabama, Kansas, Michigan, Mississippi, North Dakota, Oklahoma, South Carolina, South Dakota,Texas and Virginia) have laws allowing religiously affiliated placement agencies to turn away LGBTQ would-be parents, and even refuse to take in or place LGBTQ children. Turning qualified, capable prospective parents away only adds unnecessary stress to an already stressed and

challenging system. Just two years ago, there were approximately 443,000 children in foster care in the U.S. according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS). And although 50,000 children are adopted yearly, 20,000 others “age out” before being placed.These staggering numbers alone should be enough to justify, and even encourage, any willing parent to be able to adopt a child in need. Lawmakers are working tirelessly to make overdue changes to the adoption policies in the U.S., but it’s up to the community to make moves as well. For example, BCBSRI offers a substantial adoption benefit to all employees, including those in the LGBTQ community. Since adoption can be so costly, the company provides employees with $10,000 to put toward adoption fees and reimbursement (increased in 2018 from $5,000). This is the third year BCBSRI is offering this amazing benefit, and as someone who is considering adoption, I hope to take advantage of it myself soon. Additionally, BCBSRI covers In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) for both members and employees, as that process is increasing in popularity as well. Members and employees have access to three infertility treatment cycles per plan year with a total of eight infertility treatment cycles covered in a member’s lifetime. Both benefits are still rather unique for a company. I’m proud to be part of a company that has made these benefits a priority. Blue Cross & Blue Shield of Rhode Island is the state’s leading health insurer and covers more than 450,000 members. The company is an independent licensee of the Blue Cross and Blue Shield Association. For more information, visit www.bcbsri.com, follow us on Twitter @BCBSRI, and like us on Facebook at fb.com/bcbsri. To learn more about Safe Zones, visit bcbsri.com/safezones.

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RESOURCES Options originated in 1982 as the offical newsletter of the Rhode Island Gay Task Force. Editor Jos Fayette explained, “The RIGTF wants to make the homosexual community aware of their options as gay men and women in Rhode Island. And it’s only because we live, work, love, and play in this state that there are such a large number of options available to all of us.” Options has always, and will continue to print LGBTQ resources so that

you can, as Fayette went on to say, “Exercise your OPTIONS today to make positive changes in your life tomorrow.” Help us help you! Email info@optionsri.org if you come across a resource listing that needs updating. New, updated, and featured resources are highlighted. Phone numbers are in the 401 area code and addresses are in Rhode Island, unless otherwise indicated.

ADDICTION SUPPORT GROUPS

AIDS Quilt RI: Displays local AIDS memorial quilt panels, panelmaking programs including Anna’s Workshop, HIV/AIDS education for young people. PO Box 2591, Newport. 434-4880. admin@ aidsquiltri.org. www.aidsquiltri.org. Brown University AIDS Program: Clinical trials, public policy, research, lectures, conferences, patient and community education. 121 South Main Street, Second Floor, Providence. 863-6790. brunap@ brown.edu. brown.edu/Departments/BRUNAP. Community Care Alliance: Case management, support, personal care items for people living with HIV/AIDS in northern Rhode Island. 245 Main Street, Woonsocket. 235-6092. lcohen@famresri.org. Community Care Alliance-Agape Providence: Transitional housing, drop-in center, testing, intensive case management, counseling, peer support for people living with HIV/AIDS. 292 Elmwood Ave, Providence. 572-3800. www.communitycareri.org. Comprehensive Community Action Programs: Medical, mental health, dental, social services, LGBT outreach. 311 Doric Avenue, Cranston. Also Coventry, Pawtucket, and Warwick. 467-9610. Gabriel Care, LLC: Nursing/social worker case management and financial compensation for assistance and supervision for those living with HIV. MassHealth funded for MA residents. 376 South Main Street, Fall River, MA. Contact Jenn, (508) 678-1002. HIV Antibody Testing: Anonymous. Free or sliding scale. RI Department of Health. Providence, Newport and other locations. 222-2320. Home and Hospice Care of RI: Medical care management for HIV/AIDS. 24hr nursing staff for treatment. 1085 North Main Street, Providence. Referrals: 782-0725. Bereavement groups: Contact John Charette, 727-7079. Main Office: 415-4200 or toll-free 800-3386555. www.hhcri.org. House of Compassion: HIV/AIDS housing. 2510 Mendon Road, Cumberland. 658-3992. LGBT Caregiver Online Support Group: For LGBTs caring for someone with chronic health problems. www.caregiver.org. Luis E. Martinez House CHS, Inc.: Supportive, permanent housing for 10 adults living with HIV/AIDS and/or substance abuse. New Bedford, MA. Contact Joe Taylor. (508) 984-7514. Miriam Hospital HIV & STD Testing Clinic: For gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis, HIV, Hep C, and trichomoniasis. Linking to

AA Brothers in Sobriety: Gay men's open meeting -- all welcome. Saturdays 7:30 -- 8:30 pm. 296 Angell St., Providence, basement, 2nd door on side street (Diman Place). 419-0051 AddictionCenter.com: Web information guide for addiction resources nationwide. Or call 1-877-830-2915. Alcohol/Drug Helpline: RI Council on Alcoholism & Drug Dependence. 24hr. (866) 252-3784. RI LGBT AA Group: Tuesdays 7 -- 8 pm Bell Street Chapel, 5 Bell St., Providence, 273-5678. All are welcome. Seven Hills Behavioral Health: Addiction support services and Narcan. 1173 Acushnet Avenue, New Bedford, MA, 508999-4159. 310 S. Main Street, Fall River, MA, 508-235-1012. Leonard Amaral, Program Manager, lamaral@sevenhills.org. Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous: 12-step program. Fridays at 7pm. Providence Presbyterian Church, 500 Hope Street, Providence, side entrance, downstairs to the left. Gay, but all are welcome. YPTQ (Young People, Queer, Trans) meeting of AA: Wednesdays 7:30 -- 8:30pm, “common room” of Brown University Alumni Hall, 194 Meeting Street, Providence.

AIDS/HEALTH RESOURCES Afia Center for Health & Wholeness: Meals, food pantry, HIV support groups, recreational and social activities. Sponsored by AIDS Project RI. Free to clients.. Wed. and Thurs. 12 -- 3pm. 134 Mathewson St., Providence. Info: Kim Clohecy, 831-5522, Ext. 2299. AIDS Action Hotline: MA only. (800) 235-2331. www.aac.org. AIDS Care Ocean State: Confidential HIV & Hep C testing, safersex supplies, case management, emergency funds, clinical services, assisted and supportive housing for people living with HIV/AIDS, street outreach, ENCORE, HIV+ support groups. Speaker’s Bureau, 18 Parkis Ave., Providence. 521-3603 (call 781-0665 to schedule an appointment). www.aidscareos.org. AIDS Project RI: Division of Family Service of RI. Case management, buddies, COBRA and dental services, emergency fund, mental health counseling, nutrition support, assessment and referral, wellness programs, advocacy, strength training, prevention education, HIV testing. 9 Pleasant Street, Providence. 831-5522 www.aidsprojectri.org.

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physicians for PrEP. Wed. -- Fri. 12:30 -- 3:30. 1125 N. Main St., Providence (rear of building). 793-4715. Partners in Learning About AIDS: Outreach to minorities, women of color, and LGBT community at clubs and other locations. North Providence office provides free condoms and information about STIs and post-exposure prophylaxis for HIV. 1006 Charles Street, Suite 5, North Providence. 484-7523. info@plaidsproject.org. www.plaidsproject.org. Planned Parenthood of So. New England: Confidential, low-cost, same-day & walk-in STD and HIV testing. Commonsense approach to health. 175 Broad Street. 800-230-7526. www.ppsne.org. Prima CARE Transgender Clinic: Fall River, MA. Counseling, hormonal reassignment, referrals for surgery. Kishore Lakshman, MD. 508-235-0481. Seven Hills HIV Prevention & Screening: TWIST program, HIV and STI prevention and testing, partner care. 1173 Acushnet Avenue, New Bedford, MA, 508-999-4159. 310 S. Main Street, Fall River, MA, 508-235-1012. Contact Leonard Amaral, lamaral@sevenhills.org. SSTAR (Stanley Street Treatment & Resources): Counseling, drug treatment, detox, domestic violence programs, free and confidential HIV, HEP C, and STD testing, education, case management and support. MA and RI locations. 386 Stanley Street, Fall River, MA. (508) 679-5222. Project Aware (HIV/HCV); (508) 324-3561. Family Healthcare Center; (508) 675-1054. www.sstar.org. Steppingstone, Inc.: Welcome Home Medical case management program. One-on-one peer support in Somerset to Wareham area. HIV support groups available. Free and open to any HIV+ person 18+. 5 Dover Street, New Bedford, MA. (508) 984-7514. www.steppingstoneinc.org. Tranquil Mind & Wellness: Counseling, alternative healing, yoga, Pilates, meditation.109 Rhode Island Road, Lakeville, MA. (508) 9471683. www.tranquilmind.net. Thundermist Health Center: Provides HIV/AIDS services including medical care and treatment by an HIV specialist, dental care, behavioral health counseling, nutritional assessment and counseling, pharmacy consultation, free and confidential HIV testing. 450 Clinton Street, Woonsocket. Contact Philip Kane. 767-4100 ext. 3516.

RILGBT-News: Low-volume email distribution list for LGBT & AIDS news from RI. Not a discussion list. To subscribe: tinawood@cox.net. South Coast LGBTQ Network: Information & advocacy network for individuals of all ages. 774-371-0711. info@ sclgbtqnetwork.org. www.sclgbtqnetwork.org. United Way of RI Referral Line: 2-1-1 on your telephone.

INFORMATION/EDUCATION

POLITICAL & LEGAL GROUPS

The Center for Sexual Pleasure & Health: Education, pleasure, health, advocacy. Tues. -- Sat. 12 -- 6 and by appointment. 250 Main Street, Unit 1, Pawtucket. 489-5513. www.thecsph.org. Fenway Community Center LGBT Helpline: Support, information and referrals. Fenway Community Health Center, Boston. Open daily 6-11pm. (617) 267-9001 or 888-340-452 GLBT National Help Center Hotline: Local resources nationwide provided by social services agency. 888-843-4564. www.glbtnationalhelpcenter.org. Newport Out: LGBT website for Newport. www.newportout.com.

American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU): 128 Dorrance Street, Suite 400, Providence. 831-7171. riaclu.org. Amnesty International OUTfront: Program to campaign globally for LGBTQ human rights. (212)807-8400. Cvohs18904@ yahoo.com. www.amnestyusa.org. Brown University Queer Alliance: Student advocacy and support organization. queer@brown.edu. Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders (GLAD): LGBT/HIV legal info hotline. Weekdays 1:30-4:30pm. 30 Winter Street, Suite 800, Boston, MA. (617) 436-1350 or (800) 455-GLAD. gladlaw@ glad.org www.GLAD.org. Lambda Legal Defense & Education Fund: 120 Wall Street, Suite 1500, NY. (212) 809-8585. www.lambdalegal.org. Lawyers for Equality and Diversity (LEAD): Advocates for LGBT causes. lawyersforequality@gmail.com.

NIGHTLIFE The Alley Cat Providence: Downtown neighborhood bar. Monday-Thursday 3pm-1am, Friday 3pm-2am, Saturday 2pm2am, Sunday 2pm-1am. 19 Snow Street, Providence. 272-6369. Bobby’s Place: Dancing, pool, video lounge, karaoke. SundayWednesday 5pm-1am, Thursday-Saturday 5pm-2am. 62 Weir Street, Taunton, MA. (508) 824-9997. www.bobbysplacema.com. Brooklyn Coffee Tea House: 209 Douglas Ave., Providence: public/private venue for music, art, film screenings, weddings, showers, etc. RHODYWOOD@yahoo.com; 359-0192. Club Body Center: Gay men’s sauna. Membership required. One-day pass available. Open 24hr. 257 Weybosset Street, Providence. 274-0298. www.cbcresorts.com. The Dark Lady: Downtown bar and nightclub. TuesdayThursday 9pm-1am, Friday & Saturday 9pm-3am, Sunday 9pm1am. 17 Snow Street, Providence. 272-6369. EGO: Providence’s newest gay nightlife performance/event space. Sunday and Thursday 9pm-1am, Friday and Saturday 10pm-3am, 73 Richmond St, Providence. 383-1208. www.egopvd.com. Mirabar: Downtown bar and nightclub. Monday-Thursday 3pm-1am, Friday and Saturday 3pm-2am, Sunday 3pm-1am. 15 Elbow Street, Providence. 331-6761. www.mirabar.com. Providence Eagle: Leather, Levi, bear cruise bar. MondayThursday 2pm-1am, Friday 2pm-2am, Saturday-Sunday 12pm2am. 124 Snow Street, Providence. 421-1447. The Stable: Downtown video bar. No cover. Monday-Thursday 2pm-1am, Friday 2pm-2am, Saturday 12pm-2am, Sunday 12pm1am. 125 Washington Street, Providence. 272-6950.

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National Lesbian & Gay Journalists Assoc./New England: Works for fair and accurate media coverage of LGBT issues. info@ nlgja.org, www.nlgja.org. The Next Thing (TNT): Political and support group for queer people of color located at Brown University. 863-3062. tnt@ brown.edu. RI Commission on Prejudice and Bias: Hate crime awareness training program. www.hatecrimeri.org. RI Socialist Action: 952-5385, adgagneri@gmail.com. Spanish: 351-3514, walsil@cox.net. RI Human Rights Commission: Anti-discrimination law enforcement agency with jurisdiction in employment, housing, public accommodations, and credit. 180 Westminster Street, 3rd floor, Providence. 222-2662 TTY: 222-2664, richr.ri.gov. Scouts for Equality: An organization composed largely of Boy Scouts of America alumni dedicated to ending the BSA’s ban on gay members and leaders. Contact Carol Crowther. ccrowther1@ gmail.com. Facebook.com/riscoutsforequality. Servicemembers Legal Defense Network: Serving LGBT military personnel and veterans. PO Box 65301, Washington DC. (202) 328-3244. or (800) 538-7418. sldn@sldn.org. www.sldn.org.

RELIGIOUS & SPIRITUAL

All Saints Memorial Church: 674 Westminster Street, Providence. 751-1747. asmcri@verizon.net. www.allsaintsmemorial.org. Amicable Congregational Church: UCC. Open & Affirming. Pastor William Sterrett. Sunday 10am. 3736 Main Road, Tiverton. 624-4611. amicablechurch@aol.com, www.amicablechurch.org. Association of Welcoming & Affirming Baptists: robin@awab.org, www.awab.org. Barrington Congregational Church: UCC. “The white church.” Sundays 10am. 461 County Road, Barrington. 246-0111. office@bccucc.org, www.bccucc.org. Bell Street Chapel: Unitarian Universalist. A Welcoming Congregation. Sundays 10am. 5 Bell Street, Providence. 273-5678. www.bellstreetchapel.org. Beneficent Congregational Church: UCC.An Open & Affirming congregation in the heart of Providence. Sundays 10am. 300 Weybosset Street, Providence. 331-9844. BeneficentChurchUCC@ gmail.com, www.beneficentchurch.org. Berean Baptist Church: A safe and welcoming place for all God’s children. Sunday 10am. 474 Chapel Street, Harrisville. 568-5411. bereanbaptist@verizon.net. www.bereanri.net. Calvary United Methodist Church of Middletown: LGBTQ early dementia support group. Contact Amy. Sundays 10:30am. 200 Turner Road, Middletown. 847-6181, www.middletownmethodist.com. Central Congregational Church: UCC. An Opening & Affirming Congregation. Sundays 10:30am. 296 Angell Street, Providence. 331-1960. www.centralchurch.us. Channing Memorial Church: Unitarian Universalist. A Welcoming Congregation. Sundays 10am. 135 Pelham Street, Newport. 846-0643. administrator@channingchurch.org. www.channingchurch.org. The Chapel of the Holy Spirit: Independent Old Catholic. Fr. Jakob Lazarus. Sunday 9am and 6pm. 155 Douglas Avenue, Providence. 413-4821. www.holyparaclete.org. Chapel Street Congregational Church UCC: Open & Affirming.

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185 Chapel St., Lincoln, RI. 722-7934. www.chapelstreetucc.com. Charter Oak Grove ADF: An Open and Welcoming Congregation of Neo-pagan Druids in CT. charteroakadf@gmail.com, www.charteroakadf.org. Christ Church in Lonsdale: 1643 Lonsdale Avenue, Lincoln. Services 8am and 10:30am.725-1920.office@christchurchlincoln.org. www.christchurchlincoln.org. Church of the Ascension, 390 Pontiac Ave., Cranston, RI 02910. Sundays at 10am. 461-5811. www.ascensioncranston.org. Church of the Epiphany: A diverse Open & Affirming Episcopal congregation. 1336 Pawtucket Avenue, East Providence. 434-5012. info@epiphanyep.org, www.epiphanyep.org. Church of the Redeemer, a Welcoming Episcopal church. 655 Hope St., Providence. www.redeemerprovidence.org. office@ redeemerprovidence.org. Rev. Patrick Campbell, 331-0678. Concordia Center for Spiritual Living: A diverse community welcoming all spiritual paths to God. Sunday Celebration 9:15am. 292 W. Shore Rd., Warwick. Rev. Ian Taylor, 732-1552. info@concordiachurchri.com. www.ConcordiaCSL.com. Edgewood Congregational Church: UCC. Open & Affirming. Service 10am. 1788 Broad Street, Cranston. 461-1344. office@edgewoodchurchri.org. www.edgewoodchurchri.org. Emmanuel Episcopal Church: Sundays 8 and 9:30am. 120 Nate Whipple Highway, Cumberland. 658-1506. office@emmanuelri.org. www.emmanuelri.org. First Unitarian Church: A welcoming congregation. Sunday 10:30am. 1 Benevolent Street, Providence. 421-7970. admin@firstunitarianprov.org, www.firstunitarianprov.org. First Unitarian Church: Service 11am. 71 8th Street, New Bedford, MA. (508) 994-9686. admin@uunewbedford.org, www.uunewbedford.org. First Universalist Society: UU. Welcoming congregation. Samegender weddings. 262 Chestnut Street, Franklin, MA. (508) 5285348. fusf@verizon.net, www.fusf.org. Foxboro Universalist Church: UUA. Service 10am. 6 Bird Street, Foxboro, MA. 508-543-4002. chair@uufoxborough.org. www. uufoxborough.org. Grace Episcopal Church in Providence: 175 Mathewson Street, Providence. 331-3225. hello@gracechurchprovidence.org. www. gracechurchprovidence.org. Hopedale Unitarian Parish: Sundays 10:30 am. 65 Hopedale St., Hopedale, MA. www.hopedaleunitarian.org, 508-473-0745. Rev. Tony Lorenzen. Immanuel Lutheran Church: A Reconciling in Christ congregation. Pastor Sandra Demmler D’Amico. 647 North Main Street, Attleboro, MA. (508) 222-2898. www.immanuellc.org. Interweave at Channing Memorial UU Church: Organization for the spiritual, political and social well-being of LGBTQ persons, and their allies, confronting oppression. 135 Pelham Street, Newport. 846-0643. Lutheran Church of the Good Shepherd: A “Reconciling in Christ” congregation (Welcoming). 3383 Old North Rd., Kingston, RI. Sundays 9 am. Pastor Mary Hansen-Joyce. 789-7776; office@ goodshepherdri.org. Mathewson St. Church: United Methodist. 134 Mathewson Street, Providence. 331-8900. MathewsonStUMC@gmail.com. Mercy of God Community: Christian, inclusive religious order. mercycomm@yahoo.com, www.mgc.org. Murray Unitarian Universalist Church: Marriage and commitment ceremonies for all. Rev. Bob McKetchnie. 505 North Main Street, Attleboro, MA. (508) 222-0505 www.murrayuuchurch.org.

Newman Congregational Church: Open & Affirming. 100 Newman Avenue, Rumford. 434-4742. www.newmanucc.org. Newport Congregational Church: UCC. Open & Affirming. Rev. Hayes and Rev. Baker. 73 Pelham Street, Newport. 849-2238. Park Place Congregational Church: 71 Park Place, Pawtucket. 726-2800. office@ppucc.necoxmail.com, www.parkplaceucc.com. Pilgrim Lutheran Church: An inclusive congregation. Sundays 8 and 9:30am. 1817 Warwick Avenue, Warwick. 739-2937. parishasst@pilgrimlutheranri.org, pilgrimlutheranri.jimdo.com. Pilgrim United Church of Christ: Open and Affirming. 635 Purchase Street, New Bedford, MA. (508)-997-9086. Providence Presbyterian Church: 500 Hope St., Providence. Service 10 am. 861-1136. www.provpresri.org. provpresri@ verizon.net. The Pub Church: An Open & Affirming church that meets in a pub. Location may change. Saturday 5pm. The Dugout, 722 Commonwealth Avenue, Boston, MA. thepubchurch@gmail.com. Riverside Church: UCC.15 Oak Avenue, Riverside. Service 10am. 433-2039. www.rcc-ucc.com. St. Augustine’s Church and Episcopal Center at URI: 15 Lower College Road, Kingston. 783-2153. Sundays 8am and 10am. StAugustinesChurch@necoxmail.com, www.staugustineuri.org. St. James Church: Episcopal. 474 Fruit Hill Avenue, North Providence. 353-2079. St. Martin’s Episcopal Church: Sundays 8 and 10am. 50 Orchard Avenue, Providence. 751-2141. StMartinsNB.Secretary@gmail.com, www.stmartinsprov.org. St. Martin’s Episcopal Church: Welcoming Church. Monthly LGBT Eucharist. 136 Rivet Street, New Bedford, MA. (508)9948972. stmartins1887@comcast.com, www.stmartinsma.org. St. Paul’s Episcopal Church: Sundays 9am. 50 Park Place, Pawtucket. 728-4300. office@stpaulspawtucket.org, www.stpaulspawtucket.org. St. Paul’s Church: A welcoming Episcopal church. Sundays 9am. 2679 East Main Street, Portsmouth. 683-1164. stpaulsportsmouthri. org. St. Peter & St. Andrew’s Episcopal Church: 25 Pomona Avenue, Providence. 272-9649.stpanda25@verizon.net. www.stpeters-standrews.org. Saint Therese Old Catholic Church: Open & Affirming. Fr. David Martins. Sunday 10:30am. 1500 Main St., W. Warwick, RI 02893. 680-9076. stocc134@gmail.com, www.saintthereseocc.org. Second Congregational Church of Attleboro: UCC. Open & Affirming. 50 Park Street, Attleboro, MA. Sunday 10am. (508) 2224677. office2nd@verizon.net. www.attleborosecondchurch.org. Seekonk Congregational Church: Open & Affirming. Sundays 9 and 10:30am. Rev. Joy Utter, 600 Fall River Ave., Seekonk, MA. (508) 336-9355. sccucc@verizon.net. www.scc-ucc.com. Soka Gakkai: Buddhist association for peace, culture, and education. Contact for weekly meetings in Providence. 930 Commonwealth Avenue, Boston. (617) 264-2000. www.sgi-usa.org. Temple Agudas Achim: Reconstructionist congregation. 901 North Main Street, Attleboro, MA. (508) 222-2243. office@agudasma.org, www.agudasma.org. Temple Beth-El: Rabbi Sarah E. Mack. 70 Orchard Avenue, Providence. 331-6070. info@temple-beth-el.org, www.temple-beth-el.org.

Temple Emanu-El: A welcoming Conservative congregation. Rabbi Wayne Franklin. 99 Taft Avenue, Providence. 331-1616. info@teprov.org, www.teprov.org. Temple Habonim: A warm, Welcoming Reform congregation. Rabbi Andrew Klein. 165 New Meadow Road, Barrington. 2456536. office@templehabonim.org, www.templehabonim.org. Temple Sinai: A Welcoming Reform temple. Rabbi Jeff Goldwasser, 30 Hagen Avenue, Cranston. 942-8350. webmaster@templesinairi.org, www.templesinairi.org. Unitarian Church in Fall River: Sunday 10:30am. 309 North Main Street, Fall River, MA. 508-678-9700. office@unitarianchurchfr.org, www.unitarianchurchfr.org. Unitarian Universalist Society of Fairhaven: Service 10:30am. 102 Green Street, Fairhaven, MA. (508) 992-7081. www.uufairhaven. org. Unitarian Universalist Congregation of South County: 27 North Road, Peace Dale. 783-4170 or Val 789-7282. uucscri@ yahoo.com. www.uusouthcountyri.org. United Congregational Church, 524 Valley Rd., Middletown RI 02842. A Welcoming congregation. Sunday, 10 am. www.UCCMiddletown.org. 849-5444. Westminster Unitarian Universalist Church: A UUA Welcoming Congregation. 119 Kenyon Avenue, East Greenwich. 884-5933. www.westminsteruu.org.

SOCIAL ORGANIZATIONS Bisexual Resource Center: PO Box 170796, Boston, MA. (617) 4249595. brc@bicresource.net www.biresource.net. Biversity Boston: Mixed-gender social events for Boston and the surrounding area. (617) 424-9595. biversity-subscribe@biversity.org, www.biversity.org. Boston Bisexual Women’s Network: Social activities including monthly brunches and quarterly publication, Bi Women Quarterly. www.biwomenboston.org. Cape and Islands Gay & Straight Youth Alliance (CIGSYA): 56 Barnstable Road, Hyannis, MA. (508) 778-7744. info@cisgsya.org, www.cigsya.org. Communisong: For unity through song. Non-performance monthly singing session. www.communisong.net. Gay Men’s Social Group: FirstTuesdays,6 -- 9pm,Seven Hills Behavioral Health, 1177 Acushnet Ave., New Bedford, MA. Refreshments. Info: Lenny Amaral, 508-999-4159 or lamaral@sevenhills.org. Imperial Court of RI at Providence: Drag and non-drag performers raise funds for local charities. All welcome to general membership meetings on first Monday at Dark Lady, 17 Snow Street, Providence. icri.prov@gmail.com. www.icriprov.org. Mixed Borders Gardening Group: Gardening and more. Monthly meetings, all welcome. Mixedborders@cox.net. www.mixedborders.com. Opera Club: Enjoy hearing and attending. Last Sunday of each month at 1pm. BrettCornellpi4@aol.com. Providence Gay Men’s Chorus: New season rehearsals begin in January and August. Singers and non-singing volunteers welcome. Monday 7-9:30pm. Beneficent Church, 300 Weybosset Street, Providence. www.provgmc.org. Queer Book Club: 3rd Wednesday, 7pm. Books on the Square, 471 Angell Street, Providence, queerbookclub@gmail.com.

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RI Association of Gay Professionals: Networking and philanthropy. www.riagp.com. RI Parents Pride: Gay parents socializing together with their children. Contact Melanie. 464-2288. saphicangel120@yahoo.com. RI Pride: Open house 4th Wednesdays. Festival & Parade 3rd Saturday in June. Office: 1055 Westminster St., Providence 02903. Mail: PO Box 1082, Providence, 02903. 467-2130. info@prideri.com, www.prideri.com. RI Prime Timers: Social and networking group for older gay and bi men. Second Sunday. Call Steve, 996-3010. www.riprimetimers.org. RI Skeptics Society: Yearning to talk with someone rational? Refreshing discussion. Fourth Saturday. East Providence restaurant location. www. meetup.com/skeptics-133/. RI Women’s Association: Lesbian social group. 21+. Dances & events. www.riwa.net. SAGE/RI (Services & Advocacy for GLBT Elders): Advocacy, education and social events for LGBT seniors. Write to Church of the Transfiguration, 1665 Broad St., Cranston 02905, or email sageriinfo@gmail.com, or find us on Facebook. SEMASSMEN: Social group for GBQ men of southeastern MA & RI to foster strong friendships. Semassmen-subscribe@ yahoogroups.com. rlevass@yahoo.com. Smart Monkey Gay Men’s Support Group. Meets twice monthly in Cranston to learn about integrity, intimacy and male roles. Write Paul (ctripaul@yahoo.com) or Steve (43dadzone@gmail.com). South Coast Social Club for Gay & Bisexual Men: Social and networking opportunities for gay & bisexual men in S.E. Mass. www. southeastsocialclub.com. Yankee Lambda Car Club: Regional club for GLBT vintage and specialty car enthusiasts. www.yankeelcc.com.

SPORTS & RECREATION

PrideSports Boston: Network of twenty-plus gay sports leagues/teams in Boston area. www.pridesportsboston.com. Boston Gay BASKETBALL League: ksg.bgbl@gmail.com, www.bgbl.com. BOATING: Yankee Cruising Club, New England’s club for LGBTQ boaters. www.yankeecruising.org. yankeecruisingclub@ gmail.com. Keith (508) 423-6123. Big Gay Al’s Duckpin BOWLING League: Proceeds benefit AIDS causes. Tuesday 6:30pm. 1463 Atwood Avenue, Town Hall Lanes, Johnston. Contact Frank Ferri. 831-6940.www. bgalbowling.com. www.townhalllanes.com. FIELD HOCKEY: Teamworks Somerset, 732 Lee’s River Ave., Somerset, MA. New season every 10 weeks. (508-676-3956) info@teamworkssomerset.com. GALA Bowling League: Sundays 5:50 p.m., E. Providence Lanes, 80 Newport Ave., E. Providence. Season begins in Aug. View us on Facebook or email galabowling1990@gmail.com. FLAG (For Lesbians And Gays) FOOTBALL: Bostonbased recreational football club. All skill levels are encouraged to participate. Saturday mornings in the fall and spring. www. flagflagfootball.com. Boston Pride HOCKEY: www.bostonpridehockey.org. Providence Gay Flag Football League: Registration opens Feb. 4, season starts April. Visit www.pvdgffl.org or write dgosley@gmail.com. Rondeaus KICKBOXING: 272-5425. www. rondeauskickboxing.com.

Options | February / March 2019

Main Street MARTIAL ARTS: Non-profit. Welcoming dojo and community center. 1282 North Main Street, Providence. 274-7672.www.mainstma.org. Chiltern Mountain Club: OUTDOOR recreation club in New England. events@chiltern.org. www.chiltern.org. Boston Gay ROWERS: Worldwide online community for gay and lesbian rowers, coxies, coaches, and race officials. www.glrf.org. Boston Ironsides RUGBY Football: www.bostonironsides.org. Providence Women’s RUGBY Club: Competitive and recreational. www.providencerugby.com. Frontrunners Rhode Island RUNNING Group: Running and walking group. Newcomers welcome. Meet at the end of Blackstone Boulevard at Hope Street, Providence. Thursday 6pm. Contact Brian. 751-7643. bripm@cox.net, frontrunnersri@gmail.com. Frontrunners Boston RUNNING Group: Morning walk/ run along the Charles River. Saturdays,10am. Club Cafe, 209 Columbus Avenue, Boston, MA. www.frontrunnersboston.org. OutRyders SKIING: New England’s largest gay and lesbian ski and snowboard club. www.outryders.org. Boston Strikers SOCCER Club: Non-profit social organization to learn and improve soccer skills in a relaxed, congenial environment. www.bostonstrikers.com. Renaissance City SOFTBALL League: New players and boosters always welcome. www.providencesoftball.org. Beantown SOFTBALL League: Friendly competition. 27 teams in four divisions of play: competitive, intermediate, and recreational. (617) 297-7490. www.beantownsoftball.com. LANES (Liquid Assets New England SWIMMING): Fitness and/or competition. (617) 937-5858. www.swim-lanes.org. TENNIS-4-All: Boston area tennis organization. www. tennis4all.org. Cambridge Boston VOLLEYBALL Association: Players of all skill levels welcome. secretary@cbvolleyball.net www.gayvolleyball.net. Ocean State Pride VOLLEYBALL League: Adult coed indoor league following USVBA rules. No try-outs. Fee applies. Kent County YMCA, 900 Centerville Road, Warwick. ospvolleyball@gmail.com. East Coast WRESTLING Club: (617)937.5858 x6. ecwc@juno.com. www.eastcoastwrestlingclub.org.

STUDENTS & YOUTH Bristol Community College The Lambda Connection: (TLC@ BCC) Robert Delaleu, Advisor; BCC-G118, 777 Elsbree St., Fall River, MA (774)357-4056. Brown University Queer Alliance: Umbrella organization at Brown University for LGBTQ groups. 863-3062. queer@brown.edu or lgbtq@brown.edu. CCRI Gender Equity Initiative: SafeZone & Trans* 101 training. Support, info for LGBTQ people and allies. www.ccri.edu/genderequity. CCRI Triangle Alliance: an LGBTQQ student-run group at CCRI, on the Flanagan, Liston, and Knight campuses. www.ccri.edu/triangle/. Home to Hope: Support for housing-insecure LGBT youth 13 -- 24. Crisis intervention, medical and other services. At YPI (743 Westminster St., Prov.) and Mathewson St. Church (134 Mathewson St., Prov.) varying days and times. For info/appointments: ayanna@ rihomeless.org or 484-7720. LGBT National Youth Talkline: 800-246-7743. Private one-to-one chat and info on local resources.

Peer Listening Line: Youth-staffed hotline for GLBT youth. Support, info and referrals. 5-10pm. Fenway Community Health Center, Boston, MA. (617) 267-9001 or (800) 399-PEER. www.fenwayhealth.org. Queer & Trans Thursdays: 6-8pm. Space for LGBTQ and heterosexual youth (24 and under) of color to foster coalition-building and organize to address intersections of oppressions. 669 Elmwood Ave., Rm. B7, Providence. www.prysm.us. 383-7450. Rhode Island College LGBTQ+ Office: works towards inclusion of gender, gender identity/expression and sexual orientation in all appropriate aspects of campus life. 401-456-9033 www.ric.edu/lgbtq Salve Regina University – The Alliance: 100 Ochre Point Avenue, Newport. Contact: Benjamin Mead, benjamin.mead@salve.edu S.H.E.P.A.R.D. (Stopping Homophobia, Eliminating Prejudices and Restoring Dignity): Providence College, 1 Cunningham Square, Providence. 865-1631. shepard@providence.edu. The Trevor Project: The only nationwide, around-the-clock crisis and suicide prevention helpline for LGBT youth. Also offers social networks. (866)4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386). thetrevorproject.org. University of RI LGBTIQ2: Alumni association. 874-5808. gsimonelli@uri.edu. URI LGBTQ Center: A cultural department for students, faculty and staff. Florence Badejo. 874-2894. Youth Pride Inc.: Support, education & advocacy for LGBTQQ young people ages 13--23. Tues. -- Fri. 2 -- 8pm. The Way Out peer support group Thurs. 4pm. Gender Spectrum support group Tues. 4pm. Visit our website for full calendar of events. 743 Westminster St., Providence. 421-5626. info@youthprideri.org. www.youthprideri.org.

SUPPORT GROUPS & SOCIAL SERVICES

Abuse Victims and Survivors: Support on phone for LGBTQ victims & survivors of partner abuse. Confidential peer-led groups. Hotline: (617) 742-4911. TTY: (617) 2274911. advocate@tnlr.org. Adoption Options: Non-sectarian help. Jewish Family Service, 959 North Main Street, Providence. Contact Betsy Alper. 331-5437. www.adoptionoptions.org. Blackstone Valley Advocacy Center: Offering resources for victims of domestic violence. 723-3057. www.bvadvocacycenter.org. Child & Family Services: Counseling, young parent support, adoption, more. LGBT groups beginning July. Open six days. 66 Troy St., Fall River, MA. (508) 676-5708. www.child-familyservices.org Community Care Alliance: Stipend, assistance, training provided by Family Resources Community Action. 2356095. www.famresri.org. Community Care Alliance-Agape Providence: Transitional housing, drop-in center, testing, intensive case management, counseling, peer support for people living with HIV/AIDS. 292 Elmwood Ave, Providence. 572-3800. www.communitycareri.org Compass: FTM trans info, support and social group. Boston first Thursday 7-9pm. compassftm@gmail.com.

www.compassftm.org. Crossroads RI Hotline: (800) 367-2700. Day One: Counseling & legal aid for victims of sexual assault/ abuse & incest. 24hr hotline. (800) 494-8100. 421-4100. www.dayoneri.org. Domestic Violence Resource Center of South County: Support, court advocacy, counseling, safe home, info for women and men in abusive or controlling relationships. 24hr free and confidential helpline. 782-3990 or toll free 800-494-8100, www.dvrcsc.org. Family Service of RI: Training, stipend, support provided for nurturing adoptive families. Family Service of RI. Contact Gregary Wright. 331-1350 ext. 3305. www.familyserviceri. org. Foster parents needed: For newborn to age six. 2764300. www.childrensfriendri.org. Gay Fathers of Greater Boston: Support. 738 Main St. #323, Waltham, MA. (781) 333-8429. info@ gayfathersboston.org, www.gayfathersboston.org. Gay Men’s HIV+ Social Group: Third Tuesdays, 6 -9pm. Refreshments. Seven Hills Behavioral Health, 1177 Acushnet Ave., New Bedford, MA. Info: Lenny Amaral, 508-999-4159 or email lamaral@sevenhills.org. Gay Officers Action League (GOAL)/New England: Law enforcement officers (sworn & civilian), fire, rescue & publicly employed EMS. Confidential. P.O. Box 171587, Boston, MA 02117. www.newenglandgoal.org. On Facebook at NewEnglandGOAL. Gay Share: Coming Out? Gay men’s support group. No fee. Wednesday 7:30pm. Contact Tom or Mike. 369-9448. info@gayshare.org, www.gayshare.org. LGBT Grief Support: Monthly meetings, usually 3rd Wed. 3:330 -- 5pm at Hope Hospice, 1085 No. Main St., Providence. Center for Hope & Healing (888-528-9077). Helpline for LGBT Youth: Trevor Helpline and social networks for crisis and suicide prevention. 24/7. (866) 4-U-Trevor. HIV+ Gay Men’s Support Group: Refreshments served. AIDS Care Ocean State, 18 Parkis Avenue, Providence. 521-3603. New members contact Scott. 640-3108. LGBTQ+ Pregnancy & Parenting Group: Free support group for people (partnered or not) parenting or considering it. First Saturdays at Open Circle in East Providence. Visit Facebook or email LGBTQpregnancyandparenting@gmail. com. Mantalk of S.E. Mass: Thurs. eves. in Taunton, MA. Social support for gay, bi, and questioning men from Mass. and RI. Confidential, drug- and alcohol-free. Find us on Facebook and MeetUp. MentalHelp.net: National directory of inpatient treatment options for those with substance abuse problems. www. mentalhelp.net/care/substance-abuse/ri/.

www.optionsri.org

Partner Support Group at Fenway Health: A ten-week support group with the purpose of building community and connections for anyone who identifies as non-trans, ages 18+, and is in a relationship with a trans* person(s). 1340 Boylston Street, Boston, MA. Contact Sarah Eley, LICSW. 857-313-6551. seley@fenwayhealth.org. PFLAG (Parents, & Friends of Lesbians & Gays): Attleboro Chapter serves Southeast Mass. Third Wednesday 6:45 p.m., Second Congregational Church, 50 Park St. (side door). email pflagattleboro@gmail.com. Greater Providence Chapter serves all R.I. First Wednesday at 6:45 p.m., Met School, 325 Public St., Providence. 751-7571. PFLAGprovidence@gmail.com. www. pflagprovidence.org. Project RENEW: Support, employment services, HIV prevention for male and female sex workers. Amos House, 415 Friendship St., Providence. 272-0220. Trans support group meets Thurs. Info: transoutreachpwr@gmail.com. Queer Transformative Roots (QTR): Queer & trans people of color organize campaigns to support stability for our communities. 669 Elmwood Ave., Suite B13, Providence 02907. www.prysm.us. 383-7450. Rape Crisis Center for S.E. Mass: New Hope, Inc. Advocacy, shelter, services for domestic abuse survivors. Hotline (800) 323-HOPE. Office (508)226-4015.

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Options | February / March 2019

RI Coalition Against Domestic Violence: 24hr helpline: (800) 494-8100. 467-9940. RI Rainbow Support Group: For people with disabilities who identify as LGBTQ. Last Tuesday. 98 Rolfe Street, Cranston. 6-7:30pm. Contact Ken Renaud. 785-2100. Samaritans: 24hr hotline for suicidal, lonely, despairing, depressed. (800) 365-4044. 272-4044 (RI only). www. samaritansri.org. Seven Hills Behavioral Health: HIV Prevention and Screening. 310 South Main Street, Fall River, MA. (508) 2351012. T.W.I.S.T. (508) 672-0378. Sexual Health Education & Advocacy Program: HIV, sexual wellness, domestic violence risk reduction. Free, confidential, bilingual (Spanish). No caller ID used. Calls blocked for safety. 861-6191 ext. 121. Sojourner House: Call for confidential support group. Support, shelter, advocacy and information for people in abusive relationships. Including specific LGBT services. No caller ID used. Outgoing calls blocked for safety. 24hr helpline. 765-3232. 861-6191. Office 861-6191. www. sojournerri.org. St. Mary’s Home for Children: Sexual abuse treatment for children. 450 Fruit Hill Ave., No. Providence. www. smhfc.org. Adam Cable, 353-3900. Straight Spouses: Groups and online support. www.straightspouse.org. TGI Network of RI: Support, advocacy for transgender, transsexual, gender-variant and/or intersex people. Borderlands peer group 1st & 3d Tues. and 1st & 3d Sat. of the month. Location & information: 441-5058. info@ tginetwork.org. www.tginetwork.org. Trans* Partners New England: Gives romantic partners of transgender people a confidential, safe space to explore the impact of a loved one’s gender identity on their relationships, and to connect with other loved ones of transgender people. First Wednesday 6:30-8:30pm. Providence. Location unpublished for privacy. partners@ tginetwork.org. Trans* Youth Family Allies: Support for gender-variant and transgender children ages 3-18. info@imatyfa.org, www.imatyfa.org. Transgender American Veterans Association (TAVA): Growing organization to address the concerns of fair treatment of transgender veterans and active duty service members. www.tavausa.org. Women’s Resource Center of Newport and Bristol Counties: Offering services to victims of domestic violence. 846-5263. www.wrcnbc.org.

Felicitations By Felicia Nimue Ackerman

TRANSGENDER

Valentine

You're out as a woman, Instead of a man. Transition accomplished According to plan.

And still you're my darling, My partner for life, No longer my husband, You shine as my wife.