What Goes Through My Mind When I’m Walking Home

by Ellie Pritchard

It is gone midnight, and I am leaving the library. Essay done. God, I’m tired. Time to go home. Pack your stuff away, quietly now. Some poor guy is still typing in the corner. Do not disturb.

Drop off the books you borrowed for the essay. I still don’t get how they know it’s my books that’ve been returned without scanning my card. A mystery to the technologically illiterate. Cold outside. I can see my breath. Founders looks pretty. If I hurry, maybe I can make the back gate. Don’t slip on the stairs. Treacherous things. Campus cat!

People queue for Meds. Those three don’t even have coats, God, they must be like icicles. I sound like my mum. How soon will I turn into her?

Back gate is…closed. Try scanning your card. Take off your gloves to get into your wallet. Icy fingers, instantly. Key card doesn’t open the gate. Try again. Fuck.

Back up the hill. Past the back of the library. Down towards the SU. Campus is eerie at night when you aren’t bathed in the lights of Founders. Everything is quiet.

Past the car park. Someone has left their lights on. Or they’re loitering in their car. For their sake I hope it’s the latter. For mine, the former.

Squeeze myself and my bag of books through the gate. The road is as quiet as it ever gets. Everyone drives so fast down the hill. God, I am already my mother.

Cut through the quiet roads or carry on down the hill? No, I’ll gorge on M&S snacks if I go that way. It’s quicker through the back roads.

Down the hill. Fuck it’s steep. How do I forget how steep it is every day?

I wish the streetlights were lit. I wish the back gate were open.

That car is driving slowly. Why are they indicating? Why are they pulling over? Tighten your hand around the sharp keys in your pocket. They are going to stop right next to me. The cold air is tight in my chest. The keys bite into my skin. Ready. The car stops. I practically run the rest of the way home.

My hands shake so hard I struggle to fit my key into the lock. It probably would’ve been fine. I don’t think I needed to run. But, God, there are so many stories. I would like to walk home at night.