Letting Go of Compulsory Shame:

Healing the inner teenage girl.

Beth McCowen SENIOR LIFESTYLE EDITOR

Growing up, teenage girls often have to get used to being the butt of people’s jokes. During an already challenging part of most of our lives, constant pressure to look and act a certain way only serves to alienate us further. As we move through university and into our adult lives, it’s time to let go of feeling embarrassed by all the things we were conditioned to be.

Most of us have probably felt at some point during our teenage years that whatever we did would be ridiculed. You love one direction? Crazy fan girl. You don’t really like them? You’re odd, everyone else does. Girls should wear makeup, but not too much. Keep in tune with the latest fashion trends or your peers won’t respect you. Work hard enough to be smart, but not too smart, or you’ll be branded a nerd and an outcast.

Maybe not all schools were quite as Mean Girls-esque as this, but many most likely were. It isn’t always full-scale bullying that can knock someone’s confidence, but the ever-changing beauty standards and social expectations alone keep young women on their toes and instil self-doubt so deeply within us, that we are left with the task of undoing what are now instinctive judgments about ourselves. Once we start to be more self-sufficient, many of us realise a few home truths.

For one thing, why do we feel embarrassed by doing literally anything on our own? Buying a coffee, doing a food shop, going to the gym; why do so many of us always feel so much more comfortable doing things like these if we have a friend by our side? For some, it’s because being seen alone in secondary school was an indicator that you weren’t very popular, despite how untrue that may (or may not) be. Either way, who cares? It’s astonishing that such trivial assumptions can, even subconsciously, still play on our minds several years later. As silly as it may seem on the outside, once you have that fear of doing things solo, however big or small the activity might be, it’s a really difficult habit to get out of, and it can become almost too easy to rely on and centre your life around others. Starting small can really help. Next time you plan on doing one slightly mundane task or another, just have a go at doing it alone. What’s the worst that could happen if you take a solo day trip into the city and visit your favourite shop?

There is also the bizarre concept of ‘pics or it didn’t happen’. There has, since the development of social media platforms like Instagram, been an unspoken expectation that we should share images from almost any social event we attend. If you don’t post pictures from your housemate’s birthday night out, for example, how will anyone know you were really there? Concern over being viewed as a ‘loner’ or some other meaningless insult is so ingrained into us, that it becomes hard to say no to things we, deep down, don’t want to do, but we are left feeling like we have no real choice. At this point, those who abstain from using apps like Snapchat, or the most recent trending social network, BeReal, are the ones who stand out. Why, though, should anyone feel obligated to share their day with the world, or even just their friends? Of course, sometimes it is nice to document memories and show those we don’t see in person what we are getting up to, but all of this should be on your terms and not because you feel like you must.

Fear of missing out (or FOMO) is a real phenomenon in this day and age. In fact, it’s probably what most of this conversation can be traced back to. So, the point is, to truly be happy, we must remind ourselves that the social expectations placed on us from such a young age can be detrimental, therefore separating ourselves from them is often a good thing. Learning to be independent is a key part of university life, and it’s easier said than done, but finding the joy in small things and learning to love your own company really can elevate your mood.