DAD’S EYE VIEW “Daddy’s Lost Patrol” This month’s Dad’s Humor Column

A Dad’s Eye View Daddy’s Lost Patrol

BY RICK EPSTEIN

“A FEATHER!” SAID 4-YEAR-OLD SALLY, picking it up off the trail. We had been visiting friends when a minor crisis at their house had sent us to go kill some time at the town’s nature center. My wife sat on a bench nursing the baby while I took the two older girls for a stroll along something called the Butterfly Trail.

It was tame even for us. The path was wide and paved with chipped bark. But the surrounding woods were hot and damp enough for mosquitoes to be taking a lively interest in us even at midday.

Looking at Sally’s feather, her souvenir-oriented 7-year-old sister Marie asked, “What else are we going to find?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “Maybe a piece of shell from a bird’s egg. But we’re not shopping; we’re here for the experience,” I said. “Close your eyes and listen.”

“I hear birds chirping,” Sally said.

“I hear a woodpecker pecking,” Marie said. This was perfect!

We had almost completed the loop through the woods, when I saw a slightly more rugged parallel trail just on the other side of a half-scattered stone fence. Figuring that the nature center offered a second trail, I led the girls onto it.

They were getting tired when the trail narrowed to about the width of a bunny, with poison ivy on each side. Then it emptied onto a paved public road. Marie said, “I want to go back to Mommy. My legs itch.”

“All right,” I said, “The quickest way back is to walk along this road.” By keeping to the left, I figured we’d eventually get back to the nature center. Sally was wearing out, so I put her up onto my sweaty shoulders, and we shuffled along.

As me made our next left turn, Marie said, “This is the wrong way; the nature center is back that way,” pointing back the way we’d come.

“No, I’m sure it’s this way,” I said and promised her $5 if I was wrong.

The road was narrow, wending its way through a tasteful and moneyed neighborhood – lovely homes with curving driveways nestled among tall trees. There was no one around to give us directions.

With no traffic or voices, the only sound was the far-off thwocking of a tennis ball.

It was eerie, walking amid unpeopled opulence, but feeling hot, exhausted and desperate, leading my demoralized troops. The road ended unhelpfully in a cul-de-sac and I realized that my ever-leftward plan wasn’t working and we might never find our way back. I imagined a lean woman, dressed by L.L. Bean, calling the authorities to have our lifeless bodies removed from her fern-bed. I told Marie, “This is a deadend; we’ll go back the way we came,” and handed her a fiver. She smiled, but Sally said, “Give me $5, too!”

“No way!” I said. She began crying and I lowered her onto the pavement so she wouldn’t drip onto my head. She could cry and walk at the same time.

Back in the woods, Sally found another feather and cheered up, reminding me that kids get happy as easily as they get unhappy. Marie was already happy; if she got $5 every time I was wrong, she’d have one sweet franchise.

Once back through the stone fence, it was easy to see we’d re-entered the tended grounds of the nature park. Betsy and the baby were sitting where we’d left them. “How was the Butterfly Trail?” she asked.

Our season of hopeless wandering quickly shrank into the little 45-minute span it had actually occupied, and although the kids tattled with wide-eyed gusto, I made the official report: “It was fine.”

Like our little Death March, child-raising years seem really long, but not in a bad way. This time is so crammed with emotion and adventure that it defies normal measurement. With the intense living involved with three childhoods all going on at once, it’s a wonder that time moves forward at all. But it will, and one day I’ll be hoping my daughters will trust me to take my grandchildren to the park. ✦

RICK EPSTEIN can be reached at rickepstein@yahoo.com.

DEAR EARTHTALK

Dear EarthTalk: What are the main contaminants we have to worry about in our drinking water? How can we know if we are being exposed and what can we do about it?

ODAY, MOST AMERICANS GET

their water from their sinks or fridge filters, and it travels great distances to get there. On the way, it may pick up chemicals that are harmful to our health if not filtered out properly.

An analysis by the nonprofit Natural Resources Defense Council (NRDC) using 2016 data from the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) found that some 18 million Americans were living in areas with unsafe levels of lead in the water. In another report, USA Today found that 63 million Americans were exposed to unsafe drinking water from 2007-2017. Water pollution issues were also found to disproportionately plague minority and low-income communities.

Flint, Michigan has been a leading example of U.U. communities facing water pollution. Discolored and highly polluted water was piped into Flint for 18 months during which time residents experienced skin rashes, itchy skin and hair loss. Although complaints were filed by Flint community members, they were dismissed by government officials. Many felt the government’s response (or lack thereof) was rooted in prejudice as the majority of Flint’s population is black and two of five residents live below the poverty line. Michigan’s own Civil Rights Commission called the poor response a “result of systemic racism.”

One of the main poisons in Flint’s water was lead, which entered the water via corroded plumbing. The Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC), says that lead exposure is especially harmful to kids, causing brain and nervous system damage, developmental, learning and behavioral issues and hearing loss. In adults, lead can cause high blood pressure, miscarriage, infertility and brain and kidney damage.

Some other common contaminants in drinking water are perfluorooctanesulfonic (PFOS) and perfluorooctane (PFOA), strontium and perchlorate. PFOS and PFOA are persistent man-made chemicals that can seep into groundwater sources and don’t break down easily. They’ve been linked to chronic kidney disease and several forms of cancer. Strontium can weaken bones and stunt bone growth. Florida, Texas and Eastern Wisconsin each have higher than normal percentages of strontium in their water because many

Treservoirs come from carbonate rock aquifers in these states. Perchlorate disrupts the thyroid’s ability to produce hormones. It has also been labeled a “likely human carcinogen” by the EPA. It is estimated that 11 million Americans live in areas with perchlorate concentrations that are higher than what is considered safe in drinking water. If you’d like to know what’s in your drinking water, look online for free local water testing reports, or find a lab that will test your home water supply for between $20-100. Advocating for clean water to local, state and federal government agencies is also key to maintaining the community’s right to clean water.

— L. MINTO, BERN, NC

PHOTO: PIXABAY.

Contaminated drinking water is a problem from coast-to-coast, and could be the next big public health crisis facing the United States.

CONTACTS: Basic Information about Lead in Drinking Water, epa.gov/groundwater-and-drinking-water/basic-information-about-lead-drinking-water; More than 2 million Americans exposed to high levels of strontium in drinking water, ehn.org/ strontium-in-drinking-water-2651752809/ removal-of-strontium-from-drinking-water; Perchlorate in Drinking Water, emagazine.com/perchlorate-in-drinking-water/; Flint Water Crisis: Everything You Need to Know, nrdc.org/stories/flint-water-crisiseverything-you-need-know.

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