PARENTING NOW

EMBRACING YOUR TODDLER’S Counterwill

BY MEREDITH TUFTS (FOR PARENTING NOW)

us take it less personally when our child says “No!” to our every suggestion. If you’re finding yourself getting frustrated at the amount of resistance you’re facing, it can help to check in with how often you give your child choices and autonomy. Their capabilities can change quickly; sometimes you may need to give them more HROUGHOUT THE LATE TODDLER and preschool years, children are building T opportunities to make their own decisions or take on more responsibility. As you think about the times your child pushes back through direct “No’s,” ignoring directions, or doing the opposite of what you’ve directed, you can consider: • Is this a safety issue? Is there a reason it their will—the ability to consciously control needs to be addressed right now? their actions. They are making more choices • Does my child know the expectation? for themselves and they can be persistent Were my directions communicated in making those choices known! Behaviors clearly and at their level? Did I that sometimes get labeled as disobedience, accidentally offer a choice when there defiance, or opposition are often rooted in a isn’t one? child’s counterwill. • Is there a way I can make this fun or Counterwill is a natural, healthy response silly? We can sometimes turn these to feeling pushed or pressured to do moments into sweet moments of something. This is an important part of bonding and playing with our children.human development: learning to be your own person, make your own choices, and • Are there feelings I can acknowledge or listen to your inner compass. We know that encourage? Children experiencing stress any skill takes practice, and three year olds or feeling unhappy about an unrelated are often working especially hard to practice issue may need some help sorting this. through their feelings before they are When we consider “the big picture,” we ready to follow our directions. can see the ways in which counterwill can When counterwill comes up, first take be a positive thing. We want to support our a deep breath. Then, assess the moment. children in growing into teens and young Can you focus on connection first? Take a adults who can resist peer pressure and are moment to connect with your child before able to make their own choices. Reminding you redirect. Try to redirect with positive, ourselves of the value of these skills can help inclusive language and a sense of being on the same team. Make room for their ideas about how or when the task should happen (within boundaries if needed). If you lose your cool, you can still reconnect and make amends as needed. Take a moment to celebrate your child’s growth—your child’s sense of safety and ability to express their counterwill means you’re doing things right! ✦

To learn more about your toddler’s development, register for Parenting Now’s Thrilling THREEs parenting group, starting April 1. Learn more at parentingnow.org/parentinggroups.

Family Movie Night Fourth Dimension Love

BY BONNIE L. HARRIS

MANY JOYFUL, SILLY,

WONDERFUL

moments happen to millions of people every day, but they pass completely unnoticed and unappreciated. Amazon’s new feature, The Map of Tiny Little Things, explores this notion through the eyes of two teenagers with very different perspectives. Funny, goofy, a little destructive, very self-reflexive, and utterly charming, The Map of Tiny Little Things, relies on the “Groundhog Day” premise of reliving the same day over and over again. Mark, our hero, takes his rewound day in stride and spices it up with a few good deeds, but mainly he avoids annoyances like going to class and hanging out with his family. When Margaret barges into his routine, Mark feels it’s a sign that they’ll eventually escape their temporal glitch. Of course, romance blossoms as the teens begin mapping all the remarkable moments they encounter in their small town. But it’s an unconventional and quirky love story that turns mysterious when Margaret leaves every night at exactly 6pm. When Mark realizes that Margaret has priorities that don’t revolve around him, young love wavers. He gives up chasing Margaret, but not his comical meddling in other people’s lives. After Mark discovers Margaret’s secret, he not only begins to appreciate the remarkable moments around him, but he also acknowledges them, applauds them, and involves himself in them. Meanwhile, Margaret figures out how to reverse the temporal glitch, but her challenge is letting go of the past and facing an uncertain future. Both teens agree that moving forward is better than staying in the same predictable day. Overall, my only concerns are one F-bomb and two shots of teenage drinking, which are realistic for a YA story, but parents should still be aware. That said, the film is overwhelmingly positive in its messages and its candor. ✦

THE MAP OF TINY LITTLE THINGS

Amazon Studios, Rated: PG-13 Streaming on Amazon Teaming up to fix the glitch.

FOR the PARENTS

Little Girl Lost

NEWS OF THE WORLD Universal Studios, Rated: PG-13 Streaming on Amazon

MY GRANDMOTHER USED to say, “There’s nothing like a good ‘ol Western.” The wonderful new drama, News of the World, starring Tom Hanks and Helena Zengel embodies the genre perfectly in a tale set on the wide open Texas territory in 1870 with plenty of cowboys, horses, outlaws, and gun-slinging. The story centers on former editor and soldier, Capt Jefferson Kidd, who comes across a young orphan, Johanna, after her chaperone is murdered on the journey to her aunt and uncle’s farm. Johanna’s an unruly, outcast child raised by the Kiowa tribes and Capt Kidd reluctantly takes charge of her on a 400-mile odyssey through the dangerous Texas hill country. Along the way, they share food, customs, language, and deep heartache that eventually binds them together. Slightly slow moving, but culturally fascinating, News of the World, depicts a rough & tumble time of American prejudice and vigilantism overlaid with the destruction of the Native American tribes and the Western landscape. At times, the cruelty inflicted in the name of manifest destiny is hard to watch. In the end, Johanna becomes the daughter who saves Capt Kidd, and in return, he continues bringing news and stories to the people conquering the vast wilderness.

Going to a new home.