Essential Tools for Handing Stressful Situations in 3 Minutes or Less

We all experience stress. Some stressors we can plan for, like a presentation or negotiating a raise, while others, like a cancelled flight or our child’s restaurant meltdown, catch us completely by surprise. Whether we choose them or not, stressful situations are a part of life. We can’t control the fact that difficulties happen, but we can get more skillful at meeting them when they do.

Stress is both a mental and physical experience. When we find ourselves facing a problem, we have our thoughts and feelings about what is happening (what we see as the issue or threat) but we also often find our breathing gets shallow, our chest gets tight and our muscles tense. We can even feel hot or dizzy like we’re stuck on a merry-go-round on hyper-speed. This is due to that evolutionary reaction: The the fight-or-flight response. When under a perceived “attack” our body goes into a protective mode that releases hormones into our system and prepares us to defend or retreat. Unfortunately, while we do want to be ready to flee if there is an actual tiger, this is often not the best response to our more common stresses like a difficult conversation or looking for parking when we’re already late.

The challenge of our biology is that while the acute stress response has been crucial for survival, it doesn’t utilize the parts of our brain in charge of the more subtle experiences of life. Our system is not designed to know the difference between real and perceived threats, so while we need to use our best and most calm thinking in times of stress, we often don’t have access to it. Since stress is a mind-body issue, it requires a mindbody solution. Thankfully, there are simple mindfulness tools and breathing techniques to turn to the next time life sends you spinning.

The best thing to do once you realize you’re in a stressful situation is to stay there. It sounds counterintuitive, but unless your safety is an issue, there is no need to run away from your experience. The first tool is to notice your reaction and be where you are. You’ll make a lot more progress by bringing your awareness right into the moment. If you’re getting a ticket, you can still pause and notice that your heart is racing, your face is flush and your thoughts are going a mile a minute. The key is to focus on what is happening without rushing to change it. It is often our reactions to our stress that make us do and say things that make the situation worse. By using mindfulness techniques, you will find yourself naturally moving from fight-or-flight to rest-and-renew in minutes.

This simple act of being present will help you make the best choices and respond rather than react to whatever is in front of you.

Connecting to This Moment:

Start by bringing your attention to your breath. Take a deep breath in and feel your body fill all the way into your abdomen (you can place a hand there if it is helpful). Let a long breath out. Take two more breaths and notice the temperature of the air as you inhale and exhale and feel the rise and fall of your chest and stomach on each breath. Now, notice every place where your body makes contact with the chair or whatever you are sitting on. Where are your feet? Are they resting on something or planted on the ground? Next, start to pay attention to your neck and shoulders. Notice whether you are holding any tension. Bring your awareness to your arms, your upper back, your lower back. Where do you feel tight and where do you feel loose? Just notice what it is like to be in this moment. Breathe.

We tend to think of these harder moments as an indication that we are veering off track or having bad luck, rather than what they actually are, which is just part of being human. No one wants to feel nervous about a job review or shocked by a home repair bill, but the next time that happens, remember that if you can breathe and be, you’ll be better equipped to take care of it, and yourself.

Mariam Gates Author of This Moment Is Your Life: A Fun and Easy Guide to Mindfulness, Meditation and Yoga

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