London ain't hitting bareback by Ornella Mechant

LONDON AIN’T HITTING BARE BACK

LONDON AIN’T HITTING BAREBACK

BAREBACK is an acronym, abbreviation or slang word that is described as vaginal, anal or oral intercourses without the use of a condom.

And people hit it BAREBACK for million reasons; whether is to not to kill the vibe, condoms do not feel comfortable, it cost a lot of money or just because that is how they like to have sex, but what we know for sure is that it does not have to be your decision to have unprotected sex.

Sex is not an easy conversation to have. It makes people uncomfortable, sometimes even nervous. Both men and women are resistant to talk about sex, or are quick to dismiss the problem we have to talk about safer-sex.

LONDON AINâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;T HITTING BAREBACK takes you on a journey from first time / losing virginity to be a young female, sexual and unapologetic about it. It is your body after all, that you are going to live in for the rest of your life, you might want to take care of it, cherish it.

LONDON AINâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;T HITTING BAREBACK aims to challenge social norms that society has imposed on us and have dictated us for years that the man is in charge of carry condoms and raised the question: Why would people judge me because I am a young female that cares about being safe while having fun?

The last girl left at the party. by Polly Nor

LINN 24 years old, Clapton

On Losing My Virginity

I must have spent several hours a day in my teens thinking about losing my virginity. It was the topic of every sleepover, recess and innocent drinking game. The stories told about, or in rare cases by, the girls who had done it would always be graphic and gut wrenching. With smug faces they recounted the act always including blood, pain that brought you to tears and of course, heartbreak. I told you she shouldn’t have done it with him. I knew I should’ve never done it with him. At least it’s over with. Just the thought of the somewhat inevitable event would fill me with a dizzying fear. For me, losing my virginity felt like planning myself getting assaulted. A girl seemed to have nothing to gain but pain on getting laid for the first time. Apart from the humiliation of being the last virgin left that is. The only tip anybody had was “do it with somebody you know”. As more members of our virginity club dropped off one by one, I tried to imagine which of the boys in my year I would prefer to have my vagina murdered by. Out of all the pimpled, misbehaving sweethearts I guess none seemed tempting enough to get the permission to hurt me. But that didn’t keep me from staring down t he girls who had done it as they were walking down the school corridors, high on a cocktail of jealousy and disgust. It was what I assumed was the look of pride of having survived the attack. I would wonder about their facial expressions as they were lying there, showing their tits that probably nobody had been allowed to see before. Tits that don’t look anything like the naked boobs of steel in the underwear commercial in the tube, whom at the time were predominantly the only naked reference apart for our own bodies. To me that was just as big of a deal. It would be with these tits I’d be lying there, feeling every single complex of my body shine like warning lights, waiting for the pain that meant my virginity was forever lost. Why would I want to do that in front of somebody I had to face the next day at school? In screaming silence I cursed

the fact that I couldn’t jump directly to having sex for the second time.

So why this global obsession with virginity? The only thing you can do with it, after all, is losing it. It isn’t all about the pain, all about the shame. How you lose your virginity, not gain a sex partner/orgasm/experience. It is for sure a greater social and political issue, where girls are once again diminished into an appeal for the male desire and pleasure. An object to be seen as highly desirable as one hasn’t been previously owned by another man. A girl’s virginity never belonged to her, and therefore, it is perceived as something to be taken away with brutality.

Even the boys are terrified of it. My first sex object got so scared when I told him I was a virgin that he couldn’t do it. So there I was, naked in front of a boy for the first time who was so scared of hurting me he wouldn’t have sex with me even if I begged.

Babe,you are going to be fine. by Polly Nor

OLIVIA 24 years old, Charlton

How do you feel about sex talk? I personally don’t mind talking about sex however, I think there are time and place when sex can be spoken about. If I talk about sex, it is around people that I feel comfortable enough to have those kinds of conversations as I think that it is something intimate, not something you go around talking about with anyone. Do you feel like people are more inclined to talk about sexuality? When it comes to talking About sexuality I really think it just depends on the person, not everyone likes talking about sex and their own sexuality. Sexuality is SO in our face nowadays that it really doesn’t matter what preference you have. If you’ve made the decision to be straight, gay or bisexual you should feel proud and comfortable enough to express yourself because it is not about what other people think. What are your thoughts around teenage pregnancy? Teenage pregnancy is an issue when it is well-thought and it something that needs to be addressed a younger audience, both boys, and girls. Thinking of teenage pregnancy, people are quick to judge and make responsible our government. And it is true that there is not enough information but I believe that it does come down to the individual to make the right decision. It seems like teenage pregnancy has become a

normality, kids will be having babies where they are themselves, babies. Do you feel that you are getting enough information around contraception, STD’s and unwanted pregnancy? There is a lot of information out there for girls and boys to get grips with all they need to know about sexuality, STD’s and unwanted pregnancy. Sexual health clinics are in every area and it depends on the people if they are willing to learn more about sexuality. As a teenager, sometimes you might think you know-it-all (I know, I used to be like that myself), so hopefully, girls will take the information that it is given to them before it is too late. As a woman, how do you feel about carrying condoms? When I was younger it was not something I felt comfortable with and I have never really thought about it back then, and I guess many girls would agree that we have just been conditioned to expect the boy to bring condoms. Now that I am older, I do not mind carrying condoms with me as you never know what may happen and it is always better to be safe than sorry. If you are a female having sexual intercourse what the hell does it matter if you carry condoms with you?

What the hell does it matter if you carry condoms with you.

Thinking about you by Polly Nor

DARIA 27 years old, Stoke Newington

I love my kid, but I also know that me and my ex were irresponsible when we were having sex without condoms a few years back.

GEORGIA 20

22 years old, Brockley

If you had done it ‘bareback’, you were not frigid. Regardless of how good or bad a sexual education unit is in school, I think all girls, and boys, are aware of the consequences in regards to pregnancy when it comes to unprotected sex. However, I feel as a teenager there is a lot of pressure for girls to impress the boys. Many young girls have not yet found their sexuality and do not feel comfortable or educated enough with sexual desire or liberation. And they may feel like, during the intercourse, as a woman you have to please your partner - maybe it is this that teen pregnancy derives from - if the boy doesn’t want to wear a condom then the girl should go with this decision. At the end of the day, boys are less bothered, they are not the ones left with fertilized ovaries! I remember pressure at school to have tried it ‘bare back’.This was something that the boys would label as cool; if you had done it ‘bare back’, you were not frigid.

ered well at my school, but I understand at many other schools these kinds of topics are barely brushed over and this causes problems. I think in the UK the access to sexual health is easy and free and this is something women and girls of all ages should feel they can take advantage of - it is ok to be in control of your own body. I feel it is both the male and females responsibility to make sensible decisions when it comes to sex. I personally feel comfortable carrying condoms as for whatever reason the guy didn’t have one, at least we were covered. It is my body and I should be in control of it.

I personally feel like I get enough information on STI’s and unwanted pregnancy. Although it was a long time ago, these topics were cov-

Too good for you by Polly Nor

LEOMIE 23 years old, Tooting

Ask yourself: ‘ why does he needs this, in his possession?’

In light of recent stories that have surfaced from young girls nudes being leaked, slut shaming, sexual assault and more, I felt it was important to reach out to my young readers and discuss the issue of consent, being pressured and the right to say NO. I’m 23 years old and even with the limited choice of social media when I was in secondary school, I still remember the buzz that would engulf the entire building when a girl from either our school or the neighbouring schools got caught on camera doing something sexual or a sexual picture of hers got leaked. “Nah have you seen this sket [hoe] from so and so school? She sent this nasty picture to xyz over MSN, look!” would be the typical conversation as someone’s Sony Ericsson got passed around under the tables in the morning before lessons or on the playground at lunch; we were so young and immature that we couldn’t comprehend what was actually going on. This isn’t my usual topic to post but one of my followers asked me to have a heart to internet discussion about consent and pressure for my younger readers because, with the uncontrollable rise of social media and mixed messages that young people are exposed to, more and more young girls are falling victim to being pressured to do things and having their most intimate moments shared on the internet.

As a model, consent to sharing my image and having it taken is a big part of my job and at 23 I am grown and have my own voice and will always vocalise if I don’t want to do something or don’t feel comfortable on a shoot. When I was younger, if I felt uncomfortable with anything, I knew I could call my agency and get them to say no. When you’re at school, you don’t have that. You feel like you’re grown enough to deal with everything from experimenting with your makeup to experimenting with boys but the latter can be a lot trickier with much more devastating effects. I know so many girls who felt pressured into sending a picture or doing something with a boy because they liked him or believed him when he said he wouldn’t show or tell anybody and ended up the topic of tutor time; It’s a decision that takes a second to agree to but also only a second to be shared with others who you haven’t consented to seeing it. Sometimes you believe you can trust this person with these private images and videos but you should ask yourself “why does he need this in his possession?”. I can’t tell you not to do what you want but I can tell you that some girls I know say their biggest regret in school was sharing an intimate picture or getting into a scenario where a video had or could have been leaked so I just want you all to know that you do have the option to say NO. I want you to know that if he/ she doesn’t want to accept your ‘no’ then he/she doesn’t respect you or your voice, so why should they be entitled to your body in any way, shape, form or snapchat? Saying NO doesn’t make you scared or frigid, it makes you smart and mature- you never want someone to be able to hold something against you or expose you. So please, all my young girls reading this, know that you don’t have to do anything that you aren’t fully comfortable with and that your NO means something.¬¬¬

Gurl youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re an Island by Polly Nor

Everyone has a body. I come from a small town in Dorset and Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve watched people around me, people I went to school with become parents at a really young age, from the ages of 16 to 21. I accept that there are those that honestly do feel ready to be parents but I also think that there is a sense of lack of opportunity these days, and in the society that we live in at the moment it is extremely hard to feel secure in something that we are passionate about, so there are the ways which may seem like the â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;easier optionâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;, something in which can make us feel belonged or secure in our lives. I also think one of the most important things is to make sure that younger people, or anyone for that matter, realise not to feel any kind of shame or embarrassment surrounding sexuality, we seriously have to remove any kind of taboo there is and once we are able to speak and educate openly

CHLOE

21 years old, Kensington

I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t mind carrying condoms, I just hate that people judge me for being safe.

LYLA 19 years old, Camden town

Nothing to wear by Polly Nor

SAFFRON 20 years old Brixton

For me, I struggle a little sometimes as my friends are all either in relationships or entering relationships, so they are all sexually active, while I’m not. Overall, I’m not a very sexual person and I’m still exploring my sexuality. Gender isn’t important to me in a relationship and people say “well it’s easier for you because you’ll go for anyone” but it’s harder in many ways. I never know where I stand and it’s hard being stuck somewhere in the middle. I often have masculine days as well, where I decide that I want to look like a boy for the day, which of course is offputting for many males. I’m also not a naturally physical person. I don’t like being touched without pre-warning, small things like hugs and my hand being taken make me uncomfortable, especially if I don’t know the person well enough. Sometimes my space needs to be respected. One boy, I was seeing got irritated at me because he could tell that his touch made me tense. He said: “seriously, what has happened to you that has made you not want to get close to anyone”. I know my lack of intimacy makes me seem distant.

How do you feel about sex talk? I can be pretty awkward so I find it bizarre and almost hilarious at times, it can be so theatrical. I find that females appreciate it more because they value the whole experience more based on mood. Men are more kinesthetic, they just want to get it done!

Do you feel like people are more inclined to talk about sexuality? Definitely, a lot more than people used to be. I feel like sex used to be this special physical connection that people shared privately, but it’s more acceptable to talk about it more. Musicians like FKA Twigs and The Weeknd are so sexually influenced that they have to write the music they do. It’s the world we live in and there’s nothing wrong with it.

What are your thoughts on teen pregnancy? It upsets me that teen mothers are still stereotyped the way they are in this day and age. People are so quick to judge but seem to forget that accidents happen and they happen to anybody. Contraception will never be completely reliable. A 16-year-old falling pregnant without intent is no different to a 36-year-old. The only way to avoid this fully is to tell our 16-year-olds not to have sex and that would be ridiculous. I know some great teen parents and I know some terrible middle-aged ones.

Do you feel like you get enough information around contraception STD’s & unwanted pregnancy? I think I did personally, my school covered it pretty well. Some parents at my school refused to let their kids do sex ed, so I think some of them are still clueless and this is how mishaps happen.

19 years old, Surbiton

18 years old, Subirton

AVA I’m very much gay, doctor.

No, I’m not using condoms. And it’s always controversial when I get asked this question because the initial reaction is to be shocked. “Well, how do protect yourself from STD’s and unwanted pregnancy?”

Here is the bit that always confuses the assumptions of many GPs.I’m not having sex with any men so I don’t need to worry about getting pregnant.And no, I’m not talking about abstinence, I am indeed sexually active, but I’m very much gay, doctor.

Even though I’m lucky enough to be with the same girl since the near beginning of our sexual activity and we personally haven’t had to worry about unsafe sex. here is a very important advice, being a non-straight female doesn’t mean you’re suddenly immune from things like STDs especially if you’re having sex with different people because you

In an ideal world, I would love to say woman are as much responsible for bringing condoms as a man because we are all responsible for our own body. And I guess education as a lot to do with this. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always fall down as easily.

There is a situation where girls feel judged for wanting to carry condoms or where boys will affirm that they are clean without showing that paper that can prove so. Don’t trust anyone, and play it safe by always wearing condoms if you want to have sex, that is how I roll.

The cloudiness around the topic should be and could be avoided by improving the sexual education modules and stop slut-shaming, guilt and fear around the desire to be safe, there is nothing wrong with that.We are still young, and if we can preserve ourselves against STDs, we’re already stepping forward.

BARBARA

23 years old, Hackney

MARTA Where I am from, there is no room for sex talks, and while I was growing up I avoided as much as I could talking about sexuality, with one thought in minds; that it was an inappropriate subject. Whenever someone would mention the world ‘’sex’’ I would blush and change the topic promptly. Honestly, I did not mention the topic to anyone, which led me to stay pretty ignorant on the subject for a long time. As soon as I changed my environment, sex weirdly turned to be in every single conversation I had; but why wouldn’t it be if it were so natural? People are always talking about sex and the fun that comes with it but never talks about sex and health. I don’t feel like there is enough guidance and information around STD’s or unwanted pregnancy. And when a young girl gives birth, society has the cheek to judge her for being

19 years old, Acton

ASTRID 24 years old, Haggerston

I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t buy condoms, i get them for free. I feel proud that I have come to the point where I understand that it is ok for me to want to have sex as much or even more than men do. I feel happy that sex is a big part of my life, even if Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m single and that I am surrounded by people that love me for this. Sex is such an incredible thing for your mind, your body, your emotions so why can we not forget the hard feelings around it and have it all the time? (laugh) But more seriously, how great is it when you feel that you are on the same level as someone else, you are laughing and enjoying every moment of it. That is special to anyone. And can we please stop being so silly about nakedness as well, being naked is a joy, and everyone secretly dreams about skinny dipping and walking around naked in the house. Letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s embrace our insecurities and tabus about sex!

SOFIA 23 years old,Stratford

‘What does the future look like? Tinder.’ Sex blogger Karley Sciortino, summed it all up in one word, in Riposte Magazine last year. I grew up listening to U2 desperately screaming how they still have not found what they are looking for and Oasis asking whether they will meet someone who can maybe save them. I was told good things come to those who wait. Back in the days. When I was young. No, I am not old, but there might be an old wise lady living inside me, telling me quality always come first. My generation is part of a “use it and throw it” society. We have access to much more than we need. We can get what we want. Now. We consume and throw, consume more, and throw even more. It just goes on and on. Less reflection, more action. We are quicker in decision making, as it is so easy for us to click on what we want, not obliged to think of the consequences. Along with the ideas like Tinder and “right here right now” dating possibilities, comes the increasing amount of lonely people.

People who will keep on searching, keep on swiping. The constantly unsatisfied. Telling themselves that maybe next swipe will be better. Maybe ten more. Maybe twenty more. The ones who learn that the only way to get someone to like you is by looking attractive on your profile picture. No matter how many times we hear that “looks does not matter”, well, I do not think that the 1,4billion a day Swipers on Tinder would agree. It is ALL about looks. From the look of someone profile picture, you will within 2 seconds decide whether this person is someone you want to sleep with. Is sex and interaction part of those things we consume and throw away? Like clothes? You buy that jacket that looks good, but when you try it on it doesn’t fit, so you throw it away or return it with words like “Nah, it just didn’t feel right”. No explanation needed. I am not saying the idea of Tinder is wrong, it is an easy way to encounter people. Some people think of Tinder as the best thing that could ever happen to a young generation eager to explore. Some people feel they have figured it all out through Tinder – dating and socializing has never been less complicated. Some have actually found true love using the application –congratulations to you. Love can be found anywhere.

Maybe, I am still thinking of the encounter of my True Love in more romantic old school way. Maybe I am listening too much to my inner older lady who wants to meet her Love at a café in Paris, wearing a big hat, reading a book, listening to live Jazz. ”Sustainable lifestyle”, ”consciousness” – we see it everywhere, and we are claiming that we want to live our lives accordingly. What about sustainable relations? There are hopefully still some of us thinking that quality goes before quantity, that relations are supposed to be nourished and looked after? Do we even care about what could come if we just waited a little bit longer? If we made an extra effort to make it work? Maybe next time you get a match on Tinder, gives it some extra time. Let it grow. Nah, that sounds too slow? Let’s do that tomorrow instead. Let’s swipe and see if there is a quick fix for stress caused by too many questions. And let us super like it. People who will keep on searching, keep on swiping. The constantly unsatisfied. Telling themselves that maybe next swipe will be better. Maybe ten more. Maybe twenty more. The ones who learn that the only way to get someone to like you is by looking attractive on your profile picture. No matter how many times we hear that “looks does not matter”, well, I do not think that the 1,4billion a day Swipers on Tinder would agree. It is ALL about looks. From the look of someone profile picture, you will within 2 seconds decide whether this person is someone you want to sleep with. Is sex and interaction part of those things we consume and throw away? Like clothes?

26 years old, Hammersmith

I always feel like people are not aware or misunderstand STD’s.Sex is fun, but it also needs to be safe. I have always been safe while having fun sex and by that I mean that I always carry condoms with me. There is no excuse if he does not have one, I will provide protection before we start.

Safer-sex is as clear in my head as using an umbrella, if it is raining; washing my hands after using the toilets or taking off my make-up before going to bed; it is essential to maintain the well-being of my body.

last weekend we were chatting about STD’s with my friends and we all agree that even when giving head to a guy, it is vital that he is wearing a condom. And sometimes they will say ‘I’m clean, and you seem too.’

How do you judge that, unless he has done a recent test, How would you know he does not carry disease?