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INSPIRATION Around the Shabbat Table: How do we keep our Shabbat tables lively, fun and spiritually rejuvenating all at the same time? FAMILY MATTERS Up Close with Rabbi Elazar Muskin On the twenty-fifth anniversary of the RCA’s pre-nuptial agreement Interview by Elchanan Poupko TRIBUTE When I First Met My Grandfather On the occasion of Rabbi Aryeh Levin’s fiftieth yahrtzeit, his grandson recalls his illustrious relative As told to David Olivestone COVER STORY: The Blessing of Failure—Seven Steps to Building Spiritual Resilience How failure can make us stronger Overcoming Addiction: The Courage to Succeed Jewish Action speaks with an expert in the field of drug and alcohol addiction in the Jewish community Failure Goes to Yeshivah What I’ve learned from the failure narratives of my students By Dovid Bashevkin
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JEWISH LAW Direct-to-Consumer DNA Testing: What Does Halachah Say? By John D. Loike, Moshe Tendler and Ira Bedzow TECHNOLOGY Reclaiming Happiness in the Digital Age By Jonathan Schwartz Healthy Tech Habits for Kids By Eli Shapiro
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LETTERS PRESIDENT’S MESSAGE On Tolerance and Intolerance By Mark (Moishe) Bane FROM THE DESK OF ALLEN FAGIN Individual Action and Collective Responsibilty CHAIRMAN’S MESSAGE By Gerald M. Schreck JUST BETWEEN US Dating with a Mental Disorder A psychologist speaks openly about the challenges By David H. Rosmarin
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LEGAL-EASE What’s the Truth About . . . “Planting” Knives to Kasher Them? By Ari Z. Zivotofsky THE CHEF’S TABLE Passover One-Pan Wonders By Norene Gilletz INSIDE THE OU INSIDE PHILANTHROPY BOOKS Passover Haggadah Graphic Novel By Jordan B. Gorfinkel Reviewed by Jack Abramowitz Flowers in the Desert: The Early History and Growth of Orthodox Judaism in the Five Towns By Rabbi Mordechai Kamenetzky Reviewed by Hershel Billet Kesser Dovid: The Halachic Guide to Dentistry By Rabbi Dr. David J. Katz Reviewed by Stuart Abrahams Reviews in Brief By Gil Student LASTING IMPRESSIONS The Mystery of the Half a Matzah By David Olivestone Cover: Andrés Moncayo
Jewish Action is published by the Orthodox Union • 11 Broadway, New York, NY 10004 212.563.4000. Printed Quarterly—Winter, Spring, Summer, Fall, plus Special Passover issue. ISSN No. 0447-7049. Subscription: $16.00 per year; Canadian, $20.00; Overseas, $60.00. Periodical's postage paid at New York, NY, and additional offices. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to Jewish Action, 11 Broadway, New York, NY 10004. Jewish Action seeks to provide a forum for a diversity of legitimate opinions within the spectrum of Orthodox Judaism. Therefore, opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect the policy or opinion of the Orthodox Union.
Editor’s Note: Transliterations in the magazine are based on Sephardic pronunciation, unless an author is known to use Ashkenazic pronunciation. Thus, the inconsistencies in transliterations are due to authors’ preferences.
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LETTERS THE MAGAZINE OF THE ORTHODOX UNION jewishaction.com
THE MAGAZINE OF THE ORTHODOX UNION Editor in Chief jewishaction.com
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ORTHODOX UNION
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© Copyright 2018 by the Orthodox Union Joel M. Schreiber, Chairman Eleven Broadway, New York, NYEmeritus 10004 Telephone 212.563.4000 • www.ou.org © Copyright 2019 by the Orthodox Union Eleven Broadway, New York, NY 10004 Telephone 212.563.4000 • www.ou.org Twitter: @Jewish_Action Facebook: JewishAction
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LACK OF SERIOUS TANACH STUDY I thoroughly enjoyed the entire series of articles in the winter issue on Tanach study (“Mining Tanach,” 2018). Both Nechama Leibowitz, a”h, and yibadel l’chaim, Rabbis David Fohrman and Nosson Scherman are giants in the field, albeit with very different approaches. A few thoughts about the lack of serious Tanach study today: 1. Americans are notoriously poor with languages other than English, and American Jewry, even Orthodox Jewry, seems to need everything in translation. Just look at the advertisements for Torah literature in this publication. As we all know, anything in translation loses the essence, the very spirit of the text. 2. A real appreciation of Tanach requires something of a poetic aesthetic. That aesthetic is sorely lacking among many. 3. Traditionally, America has not been a country that values purely intellectual pursuits—we are a nation of pragmatists who look for the utilitarian in what we learn. As Jews, we aspire to learn Torah lishma, but the impact of our environment is so pervasive it makes such rigorous study appear nonessential to many. I’d also like to respond to “Grandma,” the letter writer in the last issue who expressed concern about how her Orthodox grandchildren will view her as they mature, as she is secular. Over thirty years ago, when my wife and I were raising our children, we dealt with the issue of non-observant parents on my side. Firstly, and most importantly, young children are far less judgmental of their grandparents than the grandparents think. Secondly, the classic formula for successful grandparenting works wonders here: Be loving and giving—leave the parenting to the parents. My father, a”h, never came emptyhanded to our home. He was generous to a fault with our kids, and our children, now grown with families of their own, awaited my parents’ visits with excitement. Thirdly, spend Shabbos and yom tov with your children and grandchildren when you can. Your children will have the job of answering the probing questions. My kids were quite accepting of the fact that my parents did not have the chinuch that I had—and that was quite sufficient for them. Finally, enjoy your grandchildren to the fullest. They are the dividends on your investment of raising your child. Rabbi David Friedman Oceanside, New York NEGLECTING TANACH It seems that the article “Why Isn’t Tanach Studied More?” by Rabbi Eliyahu Krakowski (winter 2018) left out an important point: Because Christianity appropriated our Scriptures (what they call the Old Testament), Tanach no longer held the same chashivut for many Jews living in Christian Europe as did the Torah She’be’al Peh, which has a uniquely singular connection to the Jewish people only. For some, there was a certain distance, especially with the later Prophets, where Christianity used verses to provide support to the Gospel narrative.
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In Ashkenaz, Torah She’ be’al Peh...was more amenable to, and representative of, the type of life Ashkenazic Jewry was living. Sephardic communities did not have this dilemma, given that the Muslim world did not claim ownership of our Torah; in fact, though generally respectful of it, they often challenged and rewrote it. Nor, to my knowledge, did Islam use our verses to foretell and validate Mohammed. Christianity reinterpreted the Bible, but did not rewrite it or challenge its veracity; rather, in their view, they continued building on it as something foundational. Christianity considers itself “Biblical”; Islam does not. I suspect as the years went by in Ashkenaz, Torah She’be’al Peh—the Gemara and Kabbalah—was more amenable to, and representative of, the type of life Ashkenazic Jewry was living. There can be no doubt that many of the characters and kings in much of Nach were not at all emblematic of what the rabbinic leadership had in mind for Jewish life. Nor was much of the Land-centered aspect of it. The men of the Gemara, on the other hand, were conducive to the very idea of the talmid chacham, more so than the figures in Nach, so greater emphasis was placed on Gemara study. The downside of this approach is that many of the masculine and heroic virtues, the earthy and natural characteristics among figures in Nach were glossed over and even ignored, . . . waylaid as not representative of a “Yid.” Nationalism, the need for sovereign power, and attributes of physicality were certainly dismissed, since they were viewed as unrealistic and irrelevant to the actual condition of medieval Jewish life. The later-renewed focus by many on Tanach was an attempt to reshape the Jewish man, and people, into a more Biblical protoype. Rabbi Aryeh Spero Canton, Ohio
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PRESIDENT’S MESSAGE
ON TOLERANCE and INTOLERANCE By Mark (Moishe) Bane
A
mong the most difficult decisions we face—as parents, as friends, and, most of all, as members of a community—is determining when to be tolerant and when to be intolerant. We need to know when to display tolerance despite feeling angry or offended. At the same time, we need to know when to respond with intolerance despite the resentment or criticism that may ensue. Unfortunately, the failure to make these choices wisely risks terrible consequences. Tolerance is surely a positive trait. There are museums, lectures and awards devoted to celebrating tolerance. Many of the figures in Tanach are extolled for their tolerance and love of humanity. Avraham Avinu, the paradigm of Mark (Moishe) Bane is president of the OU and a senior partner and chairman of the Business Restructuring Department at the international law firm, Ropes & Gray LLP.
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chesed, negotiated with God, as it were, to sustain the lives of the evil inhabitants of Sodom. And the Talmud praises Hillel for his forbearance when confronted by a heretic. On the other hand, was Avraham Avinu flawed for having destroyed his father’s idols? Were the Maccabees in the wrong for battling the Hellenists? Though tolerance is generally a virtue, some behaviors and attitudes should not be sanctioned. Should a mother, for example, tolerate her child being bullied? Would our community ever consider tolerating the anti-Semitism of Louis Farrakhan or the Holocaust denial of David Irving? Surely we must adopt a zero-tolerance policy regarding abhorrent behaviors, such as bigotry and abuse. There is undoubtedly a place for intolerance, for taking a stand against that which is unacceptable. Our Biased Perceptions Though tolerance and intolerance are both appropriate responses depending on the particular circumstance, our community often favors tolerance, perhaps because we understand that our cherished achdus (Jewish unity) is dependent on it. More than merely a value, peace among the Jewish people is a spiritual elixir. As taught in Midrash Rabbah 38:6 (Parashas Noach): Rebbe said: Great is peace, in that even when the Jewish people serve idols, if peace is among them, HaMakom (God) says, as it were, “I am unable to issue decrees upon them since peace is among them.” Tolerance is generally associated
with openness and generosity of spirit. It connotes thoughtful consideration of alternative perspectives and acknowledging the merit of opposing views. A tolerant individual is perceived as viewing another’s failings not as wickedness but rather as the inevitable product of that individual’s life circumstances and experiences. Tolerance begets peace, unity, brotherhood and love. Who can resist embracing these values? Intolerance, by contrast, is associated with disrespect and closed-mindedness. People who display intolerance are portrayed as arrogant, insecure individuals who believe that only their own perspective has merit and refuse to explore the opinions of others for fear they may discover the flaws in their own. They are accused of seeking to intrude on the rights and entitlements of others. Intolerance is frightening, particularly for Jews. If we are intolerant of others, is it not likely that others will be intolerant of us? Moreover, does it not seem that Jews historically fared better in tolerant societies? Intolerance as a Virtue Despite its indisputable merits, tolerance can be counterproductive or even destructive. At times, individuals and communities invoke tolerance not out of conviction but rather out of timidity, an aversion to confrontation or moral laziness. More recently, however, tolerance is increasingly invoked by those
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indoctrinated in moral relativism. Moral relativism is the view that there is no universal or absolute set of moral principles. Thus, every perspective deserves thoughtful exploration, and every grievance merits consideration. According to this view, mankind itself fashions ethics and morality, and in the absence of a Higher Authority, all views have equal credibility. Judaism, by contrast, is founded on the belief in the Divinity of Torah, both Oral and Written. We understand that Torah values are supreme and our role is to study Torah to derive morality, not to fashion morality ourselves and impose it upon the Torah. We sometimes fall prey to the allure of moral relativism, and legitimize, if only fleetingly, views and values that we know are unacceptable and are inconsistent with the Torah’s teachings. Once imbued with any degree of credibility, these views become less offensive to us, and over time we begin to find previously intolerable ideas and attitudes to be increasingly more tolerable. Sadly, there is also a tolerance born of apathy. I once attended a meeting of rabbis and lay activists who gathered to discuss the problem of teenagers whose needs were not being addressed by the community’s conventional educational system. Upon reaching a consensus approach fairly quickly and with minimal debate, an elderly rabbi at the meeting made a comment about the impressive achdus of the group, which he claimed was evident by the ease with which an agreement had been reached. I later cynically surmised that the quick resolution was not indicative of achdus; it simply reflected the fact that most of the participants did not recognize the significance of the challenge under discussion and were not emotionally invested in its
resolution. Had the participants been moved and truly concerned, they would have been clamoring to be heard, advocating for an approach of their choice. Too often, tolerance is actually a mask for indifference. There are individuals who espouse tolerance when fundamental issues of Torah theology and religious practice are attacked or compromised; yet these same individuals are quick to rise up when their own personal interests are threatened and may even express intolerance of politicians or others who support positions they find offensive. The choices people make in selecting which circumstances compel intolerance and which do not may be a remarkably reliable reflection of their true concerns and how they define themselves. Tolerating the Intolerable Intolerance may result in the absolute denial of the other individual’s right to disagree. (Unfortunately, this is increasingly commonplace in the political arena.) Moreover, intolerance often creates barriers, sometimes even deliberately, in the relationship between segments of a community or even between friends or family members. Thus, intolerance is often needlessly divisive and unwarranted, since there is rarely justification to deny others the opportunity to present differing views or reach different conclusions. Certain disputes, however, go beyond reasonable disagreements. Intolerance may be mandated in cases such as an unjustified physical, psychological or emotional threat, whether to an individual or to a community. For example, we cannot and should not tolerate rhetoric or attitudes expressing physical threats to our schools, shuls or communal institutions. Similarly, a community is justified in adopting a policy of
There is undoubtedly a place for intolerance, for taking a stand against that which is unacceptable. 8
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zero tolerance toward employees, or even toward communal members, whose past inappropriate behavior suggests an ongoing danger to others. Too often, however, we fail to acknowledge that threats to our spiritual existence, on a personal or communal level, may also be profoundly and dangerously consequential. At times, intolerance is necessary when the fundamental tenets of our theology and religious practice are under assault. Of course, communal leaders must weigh the consequences of publicly rejecting a particular viewpoint or practice, and any such response requires significant thought and deliberation. For example, while a movement’s leadership may advance a view or position anathema to Torah values, vigorous rejection and intolerance of this view or position may be misunderstood by the group’s members as a personal and absolute rejection of themselves as members of the larger community. This may result not only in unintended pain and distress, but also in alienation from halachah and a curtailment of their commitment to Torah and to the Jewish education of their children. Consequently, when communal leadership contemplates a fulsome rejection of another community segment’s views or practices, at least two variables must be carefully and objectively considered. First, any such rejection must have a clear purpose and the likelihood of achieving that purpose must be appraised. Second, the implications on Jewish unity and other vital communal interests must be gauged. In light of the downsides and risks of intolerance on a communal level, why would communal leaders ever invoke this practice, forcefully rejecting deviations from traditional religious practices, theology or values? I used to think that a public display of intolerance was an effort to effect change in the attitude of the offenders. I soon realized that this type of rebuke is the least effective way of encouraging change. I then surmised that the intolerance was intended to convey to third-party observers
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The challenge we confront as individuals, and as a community, is to discern when and how to apply the values of tolerance and intolerance appropriately. that deviation from halachah and Torah theology is abhorrent, lest they misinterpret communal silence as acquiescence. I now understand, however, that when communal and religious leaders express their outrage at an anti-halachic practice or a deviant philosophical view, the primary purpose is to remind themselves and members of their own community about what is, and is not, correct and appropriate. Religious passion and a commitment to halachah are critical to Judaism’s survival. Yet, we live in an extremely
open and integrated society in which our religious dedication and faith are continually assaulted by voices online, in the media and in popular culture, advancing values and perspectives antithetical to Torah. The impact of these outside voices, however powerful, pales in comparison to the spiritual damage caused when those within our own community do the same. The goal of intolerance on a communal level is to ensure that familiarity with divergent views and practices espoused by others does not allow these views and practices to become normative
and ordinary, thereby dampening the commitment of those who are invested in our traditional, authentic and age-old approaches. Expressing outrage and protesting vehemently against these voices for change sometimes is the only way to mitigate their intended or unintended influence. When seeking the presidency, former Arizona Senator Barry Goldwater is famously, if inaccurately, quoted to have declared, “Extremism in defense of liberty is no vice. Moderation in pursuit of justice is no virtue.” Tolerance and understanding should generally be our default position. Failure to employ tolerance is often dangerous and improper— as is, on occasion, the failure to employ intolerance. The challenge we confront as individuals and as a community is to discern when and how to apply the values of tolerance and intolerance appropriately.
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FROM THE DESK OF ALLEN I. FAGIN
INDIVIDUAL ACTION and COLLECTIVE RESPONSIBILITY
W
hen I was in graduate school at Harvard, I had the pleasure of taking a course in economic analysis with one of the most brilliant professors I have ever encountered. Thomas C. Schelling was a professor of economics, and he also taught courses in foreign policy, national security, nuclear strategy and arms control. But his passion was the decision-making process. In 2005, Professor Schelling was awarded the Nobel Prize in Economics for “having enhanced our understanding of conflict and cooperation through game-theory analysis.” (Parenthetically, Professor Schelling shared the prize with Professor Yisrael Aumann of The Hebrew University of Jerusalem. Professor Aumann, a devout Jew and a true talmid chacham, graduated from RJJ and received his doctorate in mathematics from MIT. . . but I digress.) In 1971, Professor Schelling Allen I. Fagin is executive vice president of the OU.
authored a seminal article published in The Public Interest, entitled “On the Ecology of Micromotives.” In this brilliant essay, he sought to examine— from the perspective of game theory—how individual behaviors that might be entirely rational when viewed solely from the perspective of a unique actor could nonetheless result in collective consequences that were ultimately irrational (or economically counterproductive) when viewed from the perspective of a group (or society at large), or even from the perspective of any individual within the larger collective. Professor Schelling illustrates this conundrum with the following simple example: A strange phenomenon on Boston’s Southeast Expressway is reported by the traffic helicopter. If a freak accident, or a severe one, occurs in the southbound lane in the morning, it slows the northbound rush-hour traffic more than on the side where the obstruction occurs. People slow down to enjoy a look at the wreckage on the other side of the divider. Curiosity has the same effect as a bottleneck. Even the driver who, when he arrives at the site, is ten minutes behind schedule is likely to feel that he’s paid the price of admission and, though the highway is at last clear in front of him, will not resume speed until he’s had his look, too. Everybody pays his ten minutes and gets his look. But he pays ten seconds for his own look and nine minutes, fifty seconds for the curiosity of the drivers ahead of him. It is a bad bargain. More correctly, it is a bad result because there is no
bargain. As a collective body, the drivers might overwhelmingly vote to maintain speed, each foregoing a ten-second look and each saving himself ten minutes on the freeway. Unorganized, they are at the mercy of a decentralized accounting system according to which no gawking driver suffers the losses that he imposes on the people behind him. The “accident on the expressway” illustrates any number of universal situations pitting individual decisions and collective interests. In essence, we are dealing with the rather frequent divergence between what people are individually motivated to do, and what they would like (but often cannot bring themselves) to accomplish together. Professor Schelling offers the following example: Consider the summer brownout. We are warned ominously that unless we all cut our use of electricity in midsummer we may overload the system and suffer drastic consequences, sudden blackouts or prolonged power failures, unpredictable in their consequences. In other years we are warned of water shortages; leaky faucets account for a remarkable amount of waste, and we are urged to fit them with new washers. There just cannot be any question but that, for most of us if not all of us, we are far better off if we all switch off the lights more assiduously, cut down on air-conditioning, repair the leaky faucets, let the lawns get a little browner and the cars a little dirtier, and otherwise reduce our claims on the common pool of water and electric power. But turning down my air conditioner, or turning the lights Spring 5779/2019 JEWISH ACTION
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out for five minutes when I leave the room, or fixing that leaky faucet can’t do me any good. Mine is an infinitesimal part of the demand for water and electricity, and while the minute difference that I can make is multiplied by the number of people to whom it can make a difference, the effect on me of what I do is truly negligible. The solutions to these conundrums depend on some type of social organization, some mechanism by which all individuals in a group agree collectively to sacrifice some measure of their autonomy in furtherance of a good that not only benefits the community generally but every individual within it. In effect, we require an enforceable “social contract,” with rules of behavior that are collectively rewarding if collectively adhered to. Such social arrangements may be contrived or spontaneous, permanent or ad hoc, voluntary or disciplined. Some institutional arrangements can organize incentive systems or regulations to help people do what individually they would not, but collectively may wish to accomplish. We (perhaps too often) seek to remedy the inadequacies in the social-decision process by turning to government. But quite apart from government regulation or social organization, our Torah value system (in the absence of a Sanhedrin or Sanhedrin-like communal enforcement mechanism) substitutes for market or regulatory forces. It is our adherence to Torah values that compels us ORDER NOW FOR PESACH DELIVERY! FREE SHIPPING
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to do from conscience—from a sense of avodat Hashem—what in the long run we might elect to do only if assured of general reciprocation. Let me illustrate with the following example, drawn from my OU experience. Our Teach Coalition is the OU’s advocacy arm that seeks to enhance the financial sustainability of yeshivot and day schools— and helps relieve the enormous burden on parents of ever-increasing yeshivah and day school tuition— by advocating for increased state and local funding for non-public schools. Teach Coalition currently operates in New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Florida, Maryland and California—collectively home to approximately 90 percent of yeshivah and day school students in the United States. Since its inception approximately five years ago, Teach Coalition has been hugely successful in carrying out its mission. During this period, Teach NYS has generated over $1.1 billion in aid for nonpublic schools in New York. This includes the passage of the historic STEM reimbursement program in 2017, which was increased by 200 percent in 2018, and substantial increases in security funding from New York City and State. Teach NJ increased total funding for nonpublic school security, nursing, technology and textbook aid to a record $50 million for the 2018-19 school year, and recently achieved an unprecedented increase in nonpublic school security funding by doubling the allocation to $22.6 million. In Florida, Teach FL secured over $20 million in state scholarship funds for 2,875 Jewish students, in the 2018-19 budget. Teach PA advocated for a record $25 million increase in the Educational Improvement Tax Credit (EITC) program, for a total of $160 million in tax-credit scholarships for K-12 students at nonpublic schools, and helped secure state backing for the Opportunity Scholarship Tax Credit (OSTC) program, funded at $50 million for 2018-19. The success of the Teach Coalition is attributable to the approach we have taken to professionalize our advocacy efforts to address what we consider to be the single most significant economic issue facing our community—affordable tuition for yeshivah and day school students. We have therefore hired an outstanding array of professionals to staff our operations. And we have determined to approach our advocacy efforts as would any major corporation or business seeking to affect government policy: we have invested in the best lobbyists, the most sophisticated political strategists, and the most effective public relations consultants. But this highly effective array of resources is also expensive—very expensive. Our activities have been funded from three primary sources: the OU; private philanthropy from a group of extraordinarily generous donors who care deeply about the financial sustainability of Jewish education; and dues from a large network of yeshivot and day schools. And here is where I revisit “The Ecology of Micromotives” to examine the conundrum of individual
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versus group behavior. In New York, for example, there are currently about sixty member-schools in the Teach NYS network. But there are a roughly equal number who are not currently members, but could be. They pay no dues, but benefit in the identical way as every school that does. Why? Because the programs we advocate for and the state and local dollars we seek are granted to every nonpublic school— sometimes on a school-by-school basis, and sometimes per capita based on enrollment. The work we do inures the benefit of all—whether or not they have helped to cover the cost of generating the benefits they receive. Obviously, everyone would be better off if our efforts expanded; but presumably some have concluded that they need not contribute to the collective effort while simultaneously reaping the same rewards as the
is a perfect example of a universal need that the halachah mandates be addressed by every individual who will ultimately benefit from the results of the collective’s efforts. Writing several years ago in the pages of this magazine, Rabbi Jacob J. Schachter referenced the Midrash (Yalkut Shimoni, Pekudei 415:1), which relates that after the work of the mishkan was complete, Moshe Rabbeinu invited the Jewish people to conduct an accounting of the monies collected, and monies expended, for the construction. When the process ended, the accounting was 1,775 shekels short. Concerned that his honesty and integrity would be impugned, Moshe searched desperately to find the source of the discrepancy. Finally, God drew his attention to the tiny hooks—the “vavin la’amudim”—that held the mishkan’s
Areivut means that enmeshed in my own personal responsibility to God is a larger responsibility to the entire community. pillars together; these vavin accounted contributors. And, of course, we for the difference between the lack any mechanism to compel contributions and the disbursements. collective behavior, however rational This Midrash, Rabbi Schachter or economically sensible it might be. concludes, “teaches us the power of the Space does not permit a thorough examination of the myriad comparable vav, the connections. It is never about us as individuals; it is always about examples from the communal sphere ‘us and,’ in ever-larger concentric that could be cited to illustrate this “individual” versus “collective” calculus. circles—us and our families, us and our communities, us and the Jewish Surely, support for our shuls, our people, us and the larger world in yeshivot, and chesed organizations of which we live, and us and the Ribbono all types would benefit from a similar Shel Olam . . . Those wonderful hooks sense of communal obligation. or connectors that held together the Fortunately, our Torah values provide both a direction and a solution structure of the mishkan represent the connectors that need to hold together to this conundrum. From a halachic all Jews . . . We are one people.” perspective, there is an obligation Similarly, the Talmud in Rosh articulated in the Talmud (Bava Batra Hashanah (29a) discusses a halachic 8a) and in Shulchan Aruch (Choshen concept which, on its face, would Mishpat 163) for each resident of a city appear to be solely technical in nature, to contribute towards the defense of but which contains within it one of the the city and the city’s infrastructure. No one should stand aside while others most profound foundational concepts in Yahadut. The Gemara discusses bear the burden of such expenses. This 14
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the question whether someone who has already made a birkat mitzvah— such as Kiddush or Havdalah—has the ability to again do so on behalf of someone else. The Gemara concludes that, despite the fact that one has already fulfilled his own obligation for a specific mitzvah, that individual can still make the berachah for someone else. Rashi explains, “af al pi sheyotzei, motzi”—even though one has already fulfilled his obligation, he can nonetheless fulfill the obligation of another person. Why? “sheharei kol Yisrael areivim zeh bazeh”— because “every Jew is obligated for every other Jew.” Areivut means that your obligation and mine are one and the same; they are interrelated and intertwined; my personal obligation is transformed, as it were, into a communal obligation: that until every community member’s obligation is complete, my personal obligation is not complete either. Areivut means that enmeshed in my own personal responsibility to God is a larger responsibility to the entire community. Similarly, Tanna Devei Eliyahu Rabbah (chap. 11) states: “Lefi shekol Yisrael areivim zeh lazeh—because the entire Jewish people are considered guarantors for one another. U’l’mah hein domim? L’sefinah shenikra bah bayit echad. Ein omrim nikra bah bayit echad, elah kol hasefinah nikra’ah kulah; kach heim Yisrael—And to what are they compared? To a ship that has a tear in one room. We do not say that only one room has a tear, rather, the entire ship is torn. The same is with Israel.” Game theory instructs us about the conundrum of acting on individual motivations, often in a sub-optimal fashion, rather than on the basis of communal interests that may maximize the welfare of all. But it is our Torah values—the “vavin la’amudim,” our areivut that ultimately animates us, obligates us to place the Klal above our individual interests, and resolves the tension between micromotives and collective well-being.
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CHAIRMAN’S MESSAGE
By Gerald M. Schreck
T
he April 2011 issue of Harvard Business Review, a publication targeting successful businessmen and corporate executives, focused on a somewhat unusual topic: failure. Dubbed “the failure issue,” the edition featured numerous CEOs discussing their insights into failure and making mistakes—sometimes worth billions of dollars. In one article, former Procter & Gamble CEO Alan G. Lafley discussed the company’s failure to get into the bleach business and shared this valuable nugget: “Failures aren’t the opposite of success. A lot of people think there’s success or there’s failure. Failure is . . . all about learning. It’s about learning what you can do better.” Harvard Business Review just caught up to the Torah’s 4,000-year-old wisdom. What does the Torah have to say about failure? Quite a bit, it seems. This issue of Jewish Action is chock full of Torah wisdom on coping with setbacks, both major and minor, and on dealing with failure and the inevitable valleys of life. The midrash explains that before creating the world, God created and destroyed numerous worlds—some of which were more beautiful than the present one. What was the point of creating and destroying worlds? 16
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Rabbi Joseph Ber Soloveitchik explains that the midrash is coming to teach us an important lesson: there may come a time in life when your world is destroyed—when you lose a spouse or you are stricken with a dire illness, for example. You feel broken, shattered and despondent. Nevertheless, you need to rebuild. You need to pick up the pieces and start again. You need to create a new world—even if the new one is not as beautiful as the one you lost. This, in essence, is what my paternal grandfather, Chaim Schreck, did. In 1896, at the age of nineteen, my grandfather arrived in the US after leaving Kolbuszowa, a small town in southeastern Poland. Despite his youth and immigrant status, he was remarkably successful. Within a few short years, he managed to build a thriving women’s apparel business. But the woman he was engaged to—my grandmother Chaya Lichtman—asked him to return to Poland. She couldn’t envision herself building a religious life and family in the “treifa medina.” And so my grandfather left the thriving business and the life he had made in this country and returned to Poland. He married my grandmother and raised a large family, planning to live out all his years in his beloved hometown. But it was not meant to be. On May 6, 1919, a devastating pogrom took place in Kolbuszowa. A century ago, a raging mob, armed with knives, pitchforks and axes, charged through the streets in search of Jews. During the three long days of rioting, many Jews were murdered and maimed including my great-grandfather, Pesach Lichtman, who was thrown down a well and died. My grandfather’s world was destroyed in the most devastating way—he and my grandmother, now middle-aged, moved to America with their eight children. An immigrant yet again, Chaim Schreck set out to rebuild.
Chaim Schreck, z”l
Formidable challenges lay ahead. How were he and my grandmother going to survive financially? How were they going raise religious children in such a spiritually apathetic environment? But they persevered. My grandfather built yet another successful business and continued to live a religiously devout life—and even delivered a daily shiur at a local beis midrash. And, perhaps not surprisingly, because of his iron-clad will and unshakable emunah, all of his children remained Torah-true Jews. Ironically, in retrospect, we, his descendants, clearly see yad Hashem. Were it not for the pogrom, no doubt, my grandparents would have been murdered during the Holocaust, which took place only a few short years later. The challenges facing my grandfather make my own personal challenges seem minor and even trivial in comparison. But for everyone, failure is part of the fabric of life—we all must cope with the inevitable ups and downs, the roller coaster of life. Hope, resilience, perseverance. These are the qualities that have guided my ancestors and these are the qualities that have guided the Jewish people throughout our history. Gerald M. Schreck is chairman of the Jewish Action Committee.
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Around the Shabbat Table Photo: Rachel Berkowitz 18
JEWISH ACTION Spring 5779/2019
INSPIRATION
How do we keep our Shabbat tables lively, engaging, and a centerpiece of the week? How do we—whether married, single, frum-from-birth or ba’al teshuvah—ensure that our Shabbat table is fun, relaxing and spiritually rejuvenating all at the same time? We asked a diverse group of individuals to share their thoughts. You’ll note that some of the same themes come up over and over again, which means one thing: it’s probably a good idea—try it yourself! Editor’s Note: Certain halachic issues arise when inviting non-observant guests for a Shabbat meal. Please make sure to consult with your own rabbi.
Sarah Boczko
Woodmere, New York As told to Dovid Bashevkin It’s hard having conversations with all of your children at a Shabbos table. They’re all different ages and each one just wants to do his own thing. Early on I found myself trying to have a conversation with my husband while each child was grumbling about what went wrong during the week. So we decided to try something different. At the beginning of our Friday night meal we go around the table and ask each individual to share one thing that made him or her happy over the course of the week. Everyone—including our guests—participates. It starts Shabbos off with some refreshing positivity. We don’t accept “being here for Shabbos” as an answer—that’s a cop-out. We’re often surprised by how sweet and sincere many of the answers are. It consistently makes our Shabbos table a happier place. Sarah Boczko, a board member of Shalom Task Force, lives in Woodmere, New York, with her husband and their four children.
Reb Judah Mischel
Ramat Beit Shemesh, Israel As told to Dovid Bashevkin School is not the center of our Shabbos table; family is. So we don’t really have a lot of parashah sheets, quizzes or posters. Unless a child wants to share, we try to keep school pressures and responsibilities away from the Shabbos table. I don’t ask anyone to share divrei Torah. The meal needs to be organic and natural. I’m much more interested in a funny joke or good shtick than a nervously rehearsed devar Torah. Dips are also really important. A good dip selection is a great way to bring people together. And nothing sours a meal like poorly apportioned soup. Plentiful dips and liberal soup distribution seem to be a good recipe for cultivating a hospitable Shabbos table atmosphere. Reb Judah Mischel is mashpia of National and New York NCSY, and the executive director of Camp HASC, the Hebrew Academy for Special Children.
Rabbi Yisroel Kaminetsky
Woodmere, New York As told to Dovid Bashevkin
The Shabbos table needs to be something that everyone looks forward to. It needs to be joyous. Singing zemiros is a great way to cultivate a sense of joy at your table. The melodies and the words can uplift and inspire. Full disclosure: I happen to be very musical. But my father wasn’t, and it didn’t stop him from singing with his whole heart. When kids are growing up, they don’t always appreciate zemiros; kids ages four to twelve often find the singing tedious. But when the kids get older, the routine starts to pay dividends. Spring 5779/2019 JEWISH ACTION
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The songs become instinctive and the singing allows them to access a sense of joy that otherwise can be hard to teach if you didn’t grow up with it. Conversations interest some, but not everyone. Zemiros can make it easier for everyone to participate. That’s why my wife and I sit on opposite ends of the table—it makes it easier for everyone to feel connected. I share Torah, but I don’t force others to. Kedushah can’t be forced. The meal should be spiritually tantalizing so that everyone walks away wanting more. Rabbi Yisroel Kaminetsky is rosh yeshivah and menahel of HALB’s DRS Yeshiva High School for Boys in Woodmere, New York.
Yael, fifties
Brooklyn, New York
After many years of being invited to other people’s Shabbos tables, I decided I wanted to do Shabbos my way. So I started inviting guests to my own Shabbos table. I found that Shabbos was so much more meaningful when I shopped and prepared for it on my own. I actually enjoyed all the hard work! I loved the idea that rather than being a guest at someone else’s table I was the one determining how many divrei Torah to share and zemiros to sing.
Moishe Bane
Lawrence, New York As told to Dovid Bashevkin In our home, the primary goal of the Shabbos table was to engage our children, at whatever age they were. I wanted it to be the most memorable part of their week. My wife and I believe that parents are their children’s principal educators, and we found the Shabbos table to be the ultimate classroom. It is the place to convey values and knowledge, and is the ideal place to imbue a sense of excitement and love of Yiddishkeit. After all, it is at the Shabbos table where Shabbos can be transformed from 20
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being restrictive and burdensome notice that the themes, such as sharing, to being thrilling, and perhaps caring and personal discipline, were even the centerpiece of the week. deliberately introduced for their ears. You know you have failed if Well, the years have passed and the children need to be told to stay at the children have children of their own, Shabbos table. The goal is to create and Shabbos table styles to construct an experience they would never want and master. We still enjoy Shabbos to miss! It must be entertaining, guests and still relish the exploration unpredictable and full of joy. The of ideas and debate. But the urgency to challenge for parents, of course, is how entertain or to imperceptibly rebuke to make that happen. I confess that on is now our children’s concern. We can a regular basis I would spend two to pay more attention to the delicacies. three hours between Thursday night and Friday afternoon planning the Moishe Bane is president of the event, constructing the topics to be OU and a senior partner and explored, the debates to be triggered chairman of the Business Restructuring Department at the international law and the lessons to be taught. We firm, Ropes & Gray LLP. explored Jewish beliefs, the pros and cons of alternative political systems, Torah leaders, the proper roles of loyalty, friendship and duty, and more. Zev, early thirties I also discovered that the Shabbos Washington Heights, New York table was the perfect solution to one The most important ingredient in of the most perplexing challenges hosting a dignified Shabbos meal of parenting. Early on I had noticed is, without question, sensitivity that whenever a child, at any age, to one’s guests. Whether there is is scolded or rebuked by a parent, a large or small crowd, there are a distance is imposed. And this usually introductions, and this distancing is not a good thing. I can be a potential minefield. Is the also recognized that children in guest new to town and, if so, why emotionally healthy homes generally did she or he move? Is she or he love, if not worship, their parents and presently in career transition, such hang on to their every word, with that the simple question of “Where one caveat; like adults, children abhor do you work?” might engender being told what to do. The challenge embarrassment? Seasoned hosts for parents is therefore how to correct know to think ahead about how or if children’s misbehavior or imperfect they should ask certain questions. personality traits without confronting an inevitable wall of resistance, and without imposing the distancing. Chava The solution is Shabbos guests. Willig Levy Most weeks we would host guests Woodmere, of varying ages and backgrounds, but New York hopefully with an interest in ideas Our Shabbos table and debate. Just about when everyone was—and, when was being lulled into the familiar kids are present, still is—decidedly serenity of enjoying the Shabbos meal child-centered. Several illustrations delicacies, guests would suddenly be come to mind. During the main confronted with intense questioning, course or dessert, we would announce, thorny challenges or provocative “Drumroll, please! It’s time for ... theories. Heated debates ensued, often H.O.W.” If some guests looked puzzled, emotional and always enthralling. our children would enlighten them: Most importantly, the discussions were It’s time to share a highlight of the typically embedded with lessons that week. But we always mentioned that it my children would more likely accept because they were not being lectured at. was okay if someone needed to share a In fact, the kids would usually not even lowlight of the week.
I tried to tailor Shabbos menus to the Torah portion. For example, Parashas Noach was Rainbow Shabbos, featuring foods like corn salad, carrot kugel, cranberry relish, orange chicken, blueberry cake and grapes. I often served lentil soup on the Shabbos we read Parashas Toldos. We made zemiros participatory. Before they were old enough to know the words, our children chimed in with “Toot! Toot!” during Yom Zeh Mechubad. My husband often swung them around in time to a zemer’s cadence. If another man was present, he would join my husband away from the table. Facing each other, they would hold hands and sway while our children took turns running between them, determined to get to the other side. The men would “attempt” to catch them, usually “unsuccessfully.” But every now and then, a child would get caught by four loving arms. As our children got older, starting at
around age ten, we encouraged them to add their own homemade challah rolls, side dishes and desserts to our Shabbos menus. And of course, they always received full credit and sincere praise for their culinary contributions. Chava Willig Levy is an award-winning lecturer, editor, advocate and author with a particular interest in childhood, parenthood, Judaism, disability and family life. Her memoir, A Life Not with Standing, was published in 2013.
Joey, thirty-two
Miami Beach, Florida
taking notes and filing them away for when I have a wife and kids. Of course, I am grateful to every family that hosts me. But I wish families would say no if they are not up to hosting. I get that the parents may have had a long work week and kids act out or just want their parents to themselves.
I prefer to eat a Shabbos meal with families rather than with singles. Even if the kids are grown and gone, there’s something homey about being at a married couple’s Shabbos table. I enjoy watching the interaction between husband and wife. I think that I am probably subconsciously
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because they need to know it, or because the Torah reinforces Shabbos and Shabbos reinforces the Torah? Am I singing because that is what we are supposed to do on Shabbos, or in order to connect with the Giver Rabbi of Shabbos? Am I resting because I Dr. Hillel am tired, or because Shabbos sleep is totally different from weekday Goldberg sleep? Inner religious feeling and Denver, Colorado conviction create the Shabbos table. Is this a tautology? Obviously, I do not mean to The Shabbos table diminish all the gestures that give is for . . . Shabbos. Not for testing how Shabbos its character, but to say— well the children learned the parashah, do not lose sight of the end for the not for tasting sumptuous foods, not means. If the children around the for singing zemiros, not for hosting table are to relish Shabbos twenty friends or family, not for dressing years from now, the key is this up in Shabbos finery, not even for tautology: Shabbos is for . . . Shabbos. rest. Wait a minute! Isn’t all this just Which means that if one is what a Shabbos table is all about? an empty nester and the natural Actually, no. I can test my child number of souls around the table on Sunday, sing on Monday, eat drops, perhaps even to no one delicacies on Tuesday, spend time but me and my wife, it makes no with friends on Wednesday and with difference. Because my Shabbos family on Thursday, and dress up or table is for . . . Shabbos. take a nap on Friday. None of these acts define a Shabbos table unless Rabbi Goldberg is the author of it is for . . . Shabbos. The whole is Countdown to Shabbos: Bringing greater than the sum of its parts. the Week into Shabbos, Bringing Shabbos is greater than the Shabbos into the Week (New York, activities which, yes, can and should 2018). He is also the editor and publisher define the Shabbos table, but do not of the Intermountain Jewish News, and a contributing editor to Jewish Action. always do so. If one’s Shabbos table is saturated with Shabbos, then even if a child stumbles on the parashah, even if a course is missing, or guests are not present, or the singing is off, or if I forgot to pick up my suit from the cleaners, it makes no difference because I have . . . Shabbos. When Simcha Asnes Shabbos is lived; when Shabbos is felt; Brighton Beach, when Shabbos is a different spiritual Brooklyn, universe; when my relationship with New York Hashem ascends to a qualitatively As told to Steve different plane, then I have a Shabbos Lipman table! It’s automatic. Everything at the My wife, Gabriella, table is holy. Shabbos comes first and and I regularly invite people from the Shabbos is priority. That is the key. Russian-speaking Jewish community Put it this way: Am I cooking up for meals at our home, usually on a storm because that is what I am Friday night. Since I am from Odessa, supposed to do for Shabbos? Or I understand the Russian mentality. am I cooking up a storm because Even though not all of our guests are I feel Shabbos coming and can’t religious, they are respectful. Secular wait to taste it, not only physically Russian Jews, more so than secular but spiritually? Am I reviewing the parashah with my children American Jews, are comfortable Just tell me. There’s nothing worse than sitting at a table where it’s clear other stuff is going on and it would be better if it were family only.
The Outreach Shabbat Table
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with the Orthodox experience. And they are more comfortable accepting a Shabbat invitation. We don’t have official guidelines about behavior or dress. I remember a Shabbat meal I went to years ago before I became religious, in a heavily Orthodox neighborhood. I was bored. I went into another room and started playing a game on my BlackBerry. I didn’t know any better. My hosts didn’t say anything. With Russian-speaking Jews, our Shabbat meals are long and loud— with many interruptions. People stay and schmooze, even if Shabbat comes in early, until midnight or 1:00 am. Our house is rowdy and we joke around. The Russians love it. Since the meals are long, we don’t put out all the food at once. A little at a time. Lots of soups and salads. Different kinds of fish. Lots of different potatoes. Instead of a formal devar Torah, I encourage my guests to think for themselves. I pass out photocopies with thoughts about the parashah, and have the guests explain what it means. We don’t do too much singing—most of the people don’t know the tunes. After the meal, everyone helps clean up. We then serve dried salty fish, Russian beer and sunflower seeds. And it’s essential that we have different kinds of teas. Lots of tea. Simcha Asnes, who works in the construction business, is active with his wife, Gabriella, in the Russian American Jewish Experience (RAJE), an outreach organization in Brooklyn.
Rabbi Joe Wolfson and Corinne Shmuel
New York University campus, Manhattan As told to Steve Lipman On Friday night, in a big hall on the NYU campus, we have between 120 and 180 guests, sometimes more. We primarily serve the school’s Modern Orthodox community, but our guests come from across the Jewish spectrum.
My wife Corinne and I arrive first, so we can greet every student as he or she arrives. Around twelve tables are set up. We encourage students to sit with people they don’t know. I try to circulate during the meal. I’d rather have a short conversation with fifty students than an intense one with two or three. The room is too big for everyone to sing a zemer at the same time. I’ll invite the students who wish to sing—usually about forty—to come to our table. Our Shabbat day meal is more personal. It is held in our apartment and is a smaller affair, usually between eight and twelve guests. Corinne was trained in Israel as a professional chef, but we share the cooking. I lead the meal, but try not to dominate it. As an ice-breaker, we always ask a thought-provoking question. On Presidents’ Day weekend last year, Corinne asked, “If you
were the president of the United States, what is the first piece of legislation you would enact?” For a college student, a Shabbat meal plays a different role than for those in the larger Jewish community. For students, it’s a break from the maelstrom of the week, a time to socialize, a place where they can throw themselves down on a couch. Shidduchim? We don’t do it formally, but on occasion we might point people in a certain direction. A few years ago, we met a young woman, a freshman, who had roots in Russia. We told her to come to our Friday night post-meal oneg at our apartment; about sixty people were there. It seemed to be a big mistake—she was extremely shy; she looked like she was suffering. But she came back the next Friday night. And she came to some of our Shabbat day meals. By the end of the semester she was a completely different person. Within a few weeks she had a
boyfriend. And a few months ago, she became engaged to the boy whom she had met at that Friday night oneg. Rabbi Joe Wolfson and his wife Corinne Shmuel serve as OU-JLIC Torah educators at New York University.
Tova Saul
Jerusalem, Israel As told to Steve Lipman I have been inviting guests to my home for Friday night meals since I moved to the Old City thirty years ago. Organizations that send people to homes for Shabbat meals usually prefer families with children, not single people. Especially not single women. But there is no reason that a single person—and a single woman such as myself—cannot host Shabbat meals.
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No matter how tough someone’s week may have been, there’s always something to appreciate. I’ve had couples, yeshivah students, Christians, Muslims, atheists, visitors from China, and people of various races come to my Shabbat table. My meals are part fun, part serious. There’s always a devar Torah and some singing. The host should not dominate the meal. I like to ask an interesting question that shows something about each guest. It can be an idea from the parashah, an upcoming holiday, or anything intriguing like, “What is an interesting act of kindness you have experienced?” and step back. A devar Torah has to be relevant to people’s lives. It can’t be too long, no more than three to five minutes. I will print out one of Rabbi Jonathan Sacks’ divrei Torah on the parashah, paraphrase it, shorten it and underline the parts I find interesting. I let people talk about what they want to talk about—politics, movies, et cetera—at the table. I don’t like to spend too much time between courses. Dessert is the time to linger and relax. A social worker originally from Pittsburgh, Tova Saul is a tour guide (israeladventures.yolasite. com) and animal rescuer (israel adventures.yolasite.com) in Jerusalem.
Michael Chesal
Hollywood, Florida As told to Leah Lightman
My wife and I met and married during our respective journeys becoming frum. We had participated in many Shabbos tables during those individual journeys and wanted to give back. My family has titled our Shabbos table the “Friday Night Experience” 24
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to reflect that it is more than just coming together for a meal. It’s about caring and connecting with one another and with our Judaism. Over the years, our Shabbos table has been filled with growing friendships, singing and loads of explanations and Torah talks. One highlight of our Friday night experience is my famous chicken soup. During that course, each person at the table talks about something he or she has appreciated during that week. We call it the “highlight of the week.” No matter how tough someone’s week may have been, there’s always something to appreciate. Because I teach on a volunteer basis for Aish HaTorah, which was instrumental in my becoming religious, many of our guests come from the local Aish HaTorah. We explain each step and answer questions. It’s a lively table; our frum-from-birth friends have told us that they’ve never experienced anything like our heartfelt zemiros. Some have said that even though they’ve grown up frum, they are often learning for the first time at our table why we do certain mitzvos and customs. Our children are the most important part of our Friday night experience. They sit next to my wife and me and the guests fill in the rest of the table (which seats twenty comfortably). Our children are never displaced, and they have grown up experiencing and appreciating how to be machnis orchim. A founding member of the prominent Miami law firm Peretz, Chesal & Herrmann, PL, where he specializes in intellectual property law, Michael is chairman of Aish South Florida. He taught a weekly course on Jewish ethics at Aish for over five years and continues to give regular classes there on a variety of subjects.
Rabbi Sender and Chamie Haber
Norfolk, Virginia As told to Steve Lipman
In the years we have lived here, we have hosted guests nearly every Shabbos. Currently, we aim for between five and eight guests, both men and women, per meal. We try to get to know every guest personally and keep our children involved. Our guests come from the wider Norfolk Jewish community (population, about 10,000), and from the nearby Norfolk Naval Station, the largest Navy base in the world (about 100 Jews are stationed there at any time). Our guests also include visitors, tourists, and members of our congregation (about ninety families). In a small Jewish community it is easy to meet people. We enjoy meeting and socializing with people from all walks of life. Most of our guests are individuals with whom we have a relationship outside of the Shabbos meal. We don’t simply go up to people we meet and introduce ourselves and invite them to a meal. We find that people feel more comfortable accepting an invitation when it’s part of a larger, meaningful relationship. Many of our guests are not shomer Shabbos. (Some drive to us but they always know that they are invited to stay for the entire Shabbos.) We learned this principle of tolerance growing up in rabbinical homes “out of town.” One example: When I [Sender] was a child in Buffalo, my father, Rabbi Yaacov Haber, once invited a man, about eighty years old, who had recently come from the former Soviet Union. The man was a violinist; he arrived at our house before the meal, carrying his violin in a case. When my father came home from shul, the man took the violin out of his case and began serenading my father with his violin—he played Hevenu Shalom Aleichem. He didn’t know you’re not supposed to play musical instruments on Shabbos; it was his way of giving thanks.
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The culinary spread spans continents, always with new delicacies. While many women have one tried-and-true challah recipe, I enjoy trying different ones. The aromas wafting through our home make quite the perfume, a boutique fragrance unique to us. My father didn’t react. Instead, after the performance ended, he told the man that it was better not to play the violin on Shabbos. The man was not insulted; he came back the next week, without the violin. My father acted the same way when guests did other things at our table that are forbidden on Shabbos, like writing. We strive to accept our guests as they are. Inevitably they will leave with a greater understanding and appreciation of how we observe and cherish Shabbos. Our five children love having guests on Shabbos. We try not to control the pace of the meal, not to make it too structured, not to stop abruptly for a devar Torah or a zemer. But by the end of the meal there is a devar Torah and some singing. It’s a meal, not a class. We see our meals as a chance to practice our love of all Jews; we don’t have an agenda. Sender and Chamie Haber are, respectively, rabbi and rebbetzin of B’nai Israel Congregation in Norfolk, Virginia.
The Ever-Evolving Shabbat Table By Rosa Layman*
Newly married, we were two ba’alei teshuvah establishing a Torah home. Neither one of us came from a frum home, yet we have developed our own “Shabbat 26
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table mesorah” that is meaningful, enjoyable and spiritually uplifting. Before we met and married, my husband and I were each privileged to be embraced by families that opened their homes and their hearts, welcoming and hosting us at their Shabbat tables. These memorable years constituted my “bachelor’s degree” in running a Jewish home. We discussed before we married what we wanted at our Shabbat table. The Torah sheets and parashah projects kids brought home from school and reviewed at the table would be a no-brainer for our Shabbat table. Also meaningful divrei Torah. We love hearing zemirot reverberate through a home but alas, my husband is not blessed with a singing voice. Then the food, ah, the food. Some homes featured heimish recipes from Eastern Europe, while other dishes ventured further from our frame of reference—Morocco, Argentina, South Africa and even India. Why not choose a little bit of this, a little bit of that? And who would ever think that so many different kinds of challah recipes abound? Let’s give each one a try! Over the years, our Shabbat table has been an amalgam of different components. It begins on Thursday night when the dining room table is cleared of chol (weekday items) and one of our beautiful tablecloths is spread and the table is set with china, silver and tchotchkes that my husband and I have acquired over the years.
Torah sheets and parashah projects with our children and grandchildren are front-and-center stage. My husband relishes developing divrei Torah from atypical sources and then relating them to contemporary events. The Layman males’ voices leave something to be desired, but the sons-in-law who’ve joined our family thus far have beautiful singing voices and belt out zemirot when they are with us, while I hum along. The culinary spread spans continents, always with new delicacies. While many women have one tried-and-true challah recipe, I enjoy trying different ones. The aromas wafting through our home make quite the perfume, a boutique fragrance unique to us. As our younger children entered the teenage years and the tsunami of information available on the Internet has continued to expand exponentially, we have also incorporated into our Shabbat table a weekly “special reading” followed by a discussion. Every erev Shabbat, a designated family member chooses from his overflowing e-mail inbox an article, analysis or opinion piece, perhaps on health care, American politics, Israel or another relevant topic, and then reads it aloud at the Friday night meal. Discussion is invited but doesn’t always happen. At a minimum, we hear about a stimulating topic and might even learn a new word or two. The biggest nachat is to watch our married children develop their own Shabbat table rituals, incorporating bits and pieces of our family’s Shabbat legacy. They will also learn, as did my husband and I, that just as Rome was not built in one day, the work of creating a memorable Shabbat table requires time, thought and planning, and spans years, in fact, decades. Ever-evolving, it is rooted in Torah and expands from there. *Rosa Layman is a pseudonym.
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FAMILY MATTERS
ON THE 25THANNIVERSARY of the RCA’S PRENUPTIAL AGREEMENT
UP CLOSE WITH RABBI ELAZAR MUSKIN Interview by Rabbi Elchanan Poupko Rabbi Elazar Muskin
This year marks the twenty-fifth anniversary of the publication of the Beth Din of America/Rabbinical Council of America’s prenuptial agreement, which has come to be known as the “RCA Prenup.” Since it was made available, thousands of prenups have been signed and the agreement has become standard in the Modern Orthodox community. Jewish Action took the opportunity to discuss the impact that this socially transformative document has had on American Jewry with the current president of the Rabbinical Council of America, Rabbi Elazar Muskin. Rabbi Muskin has served for thirty-three years as the rabbi of the Young Israel of Century City in Los Angeles, California. Rabbi Elchanan Poupko: What was the impetus for creating the Prenup? Rabbi Elazar Muskin: The RCA Prenup document was written by Rabbi Mordechai Willig, rosh yeshivah at Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary Rabbi Elchanan Poupko is an eleventh-generation rabbi, the founding editor of The YU Lamdan (The Wilf Campus Torah Journal), and the president of EITAN—The American Israeli Jewish Network. He also served as a rabbinic intern at Park East Synagogue in New York. He earned a master’s degree in Jewish education from Yeshiva University. Rabbi Poupko is a member of the Rabbinical Council of America.
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and dayan of the Beth Din of America. He was the driving force behind its implementation. Why was it created? Let me share with you a story from my own rabbinic experience. When I first arrived in Los Angeles in 1986, I encountered a surprise. Instead of being confronted with a complex halachic question, my introduction to the rabbinate involved dealing with three agunah cases—i.e., husbands refusing to give their wives a get. When I tried to resolve one of the cases, I was verbally abused by the husband. Attempts at extortion, manipulation and emotional abuse were common. Thankfully, all three cases were eventually resolved, but each took a long time. Today, twenty-five years after the RCA Prenup was instituted, I don’t have any such problems. Yes, there have been cases of divorce, but in cases where the RCA Prenup was signed, the withholding of a get was avoided. I insist that all couples have a prenup before I will officiate at their wedding. My own two sons-in-law and daughters each signed the RCA Prenup before their weddings. Many rabbis have instituted this as well; it has become the gold standard for many. There’s an unfortunate story I would like to share with you concerning a couple I was familiar with, though I was not their officiating rabbi. Sadly, the marriage did not work out. Two months after the wedding the young woman came to see me asking
for help in obtaining a get. I asked her if she had a prenup. When she said no, I asked her why not. I was upset to learn that the officiating rabbi told her she didn’t need a prenup. I told her that the one tool rabbis have to help in obtaining a get did not exist in her case. Her family was furious with me for not being able to resolve the case immediately. That is the sad reality. Without a prenup, how is a rabbi supposed to help?! How can I approach a husband—who probably doesn’t want to hear from a rabbi at this juncture—and ask him to give a get without the backing of a prenup? If you speak to the Beth Din of America, they will tell you that if there is a prenup we can succeed in obtaining a get in almost every case. A prenup also serves as a powerful educational tool that teaches a couple on the verge of marriage that if God forbid the marriage doesn’t work out, a get should never serve as a tool for extortion; a get must be given unconditionally. Some young people hesitate to talk about divorce at the time they get engaged, but this is the first thing I discuss with them. This influences them to realize that a get can’t be used as a weapon by the husband or the wife. Indeed, this is a major achievement of the Rabbinical Council of America and of the Beth Din of America. Our Prenup has been accepted by many posekim in Israel, such as Rabbi Asher Weiss and the late Rav
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Ovadia Yosef, and rabbis in America including Rabbi Gedalia Dov Schwartz and Rabbi Hershel Schachter. On the RCA web site you can see a long list of rabbis who support the Prenup. RP: How is it different from previous attempts to solve the agunah problem? RM: There have been many attempts in the past century to solve the plight of agunot. The RCA Prenup is unique because it is grounded both in halachah as well as in American law. A good example is the case of Light v. Light, which was heard in front of the Superior Court of Connecticut. It involved a bride and groom who had signed the RCA Prenup, and later decided to divorce. The husband refused to come to beit din as his prenup required. He argued that the courts could not demand that he abide by the Prenup, as that would constitute a violation of separation of church and state. In what was a great victory for the RCA Prenup, the court ruled that it is not a religious document but that it is a legal and enforceable one. In every single case where the RCA Prenup has been challenged in the secular courts, the courts have upheld its validity. RP: What opposition has the Prenup faced? RM: There have been objections, especially with regard to applying the agreement in Israel, from halachic authorities there. Much of this opposition has nothing to do with the RCA Prenup itself; rather it refers to various other prenups that have been drafted in Israel. The RCA passed a resolution saying that its members should not officiate at weddings unless a prenup is used. The resolution did not insist that rabbis use only the RCA Prenup. If a rabbi wishes to use the prenup approved by Rabbi Moshe Feinstein, that is fine with us. A while back I met a Chassidic posek in New York who expressed his admiration for the RCA Prenup and noted how well-written it is. We are now seeing it being used by members of the Yeshivish and Chassidic communities. 30
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Rabbi Shmuel Fuerst, who serves as dayan of Agudath Israel of Illinois, now supports the signing of a prenup agreement. The RCA does much for the community that goes unnoticed, but the Prenup is something that is recognized as an enormous success. We didn’t know twenty-five years ago that it would be so successful, but thank God, it has proven to be extremely well-accepted. RP: So the RCA Prenup succeeded legally, halachically and socially? RM: Yes! Halachically, it has been accepted by many posekim. Legally, it has been endorsed by secular courts of law. Socially, the RCA Prenup is being widely used in our community. A number of years ago I met with a couple at whose wedding I was going to officiate. As always, I told the couple that they would need to sign a prenup in order for me to officiate. The groom was reluctant. He insisted that I should trust that he would be fair if anything went wrong. I responded by saying that no one can know how they will behave in the future; it is simply impossible to predict. In the end, he signed it. It’s important to note that a couple is always given a copy of the Prenup for them to review before signing and are encouraged to consult with whomever they wish. No one just signs a paper without knowing what they are signing. RP: If the Prenup exists, why are there still agunot? RM: In my experience there has never been a problem for those who signed the Prenup. However, there are always wild and crazy stories. If a man disappears off the grid, there is no document that can help. But those are not the usual cases. The Beth Din of America will tell you this as well. Overall, women are halachically being protected and the Prenup is working. It also reiterates an important lesson in bein adam lachaveiro: the get should never be used as a means of extortion. When a bride and a groom turn to their officiating rabbi and insist that the rabbi provide a prenup for them, we will know that we have succeeded in educating the community.
Courtesy of the Beth Din of America
How Does the RCA Prenup Work? As per the Beth Din of America web site (theprenup. org), the Prenup essentially contains two provisions: 1. Each spouse agrees to appear before a panel of Jewish law judges (dayanim) arranged by the Beth Din of America, if the other spouse demands it, and to abide by the decision of the Beth Din with respect to the get. 2. If the couple separates, the Jewish law obligation of the husband to support his wife is formalized, so that he is obligated to pay $150 per day (indexed to inflation), from the date he receives notice from her of her intention to collect that sum, until the date a Jewish divorce is obtained. This support obligation ends if the wife fails to appear at the Beth Din of America or to abide by a decision of the Beth Din of America. Each of these provisions is important to ensure that a get is given by the husband to his wife in a timely manner following the functional end of a marriage. The first obligation grants authority to the rabbinical court to oversee the get process. The second obligation provides an incentive for the husband to abide by decisions of the rabbinical court and to give a get to his wife once the marriage is over and there is no hope of reconciliation.
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Rabbi Aryeh Levin, 1885-1969 Photos are courtesy of Rabbi Benji Levene, unless otherwise indicated. 32
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TRIBUTE
When I First Met My Grandfather Rabbi Benji Levene recalls the “Tzaddik of Jerusalem,” Rabbi Aryeh Levin, whose 50th yahrtzeit is commemorated on the ninth of Nisan this year. As told to David Olivestone
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first came on a visit to Israel in 1960, when I was thirteen. My older brothers came too, and they rented a room, but I was to stay alone with my grandfather, Reb Aryeh Levin z”l, in his home in the Nachlaot section of Jerusalem. This was an enormous privilege because when any of my Israeli cousins would visit him, they would then naturally go home. But I actually lived with him for that summer and even for a few more summers in subsequent years; it was a fascinating experience that helped chart the rest of my life. I had never previously met my grandfather. I grew up in Jersey City, New Jersey, where my father, Rabbi Chaim Yaakov Levene, z”l, was the rabbi of a large congregation. David Olivestone is a member of the Jewish Action Editorial Committee.
In 1939, recognizing my father as one of the most brilliant talmidei chachamim in Jerusalem, Rabbi Meir Bar-Ilan (Berlin), president of the Mizrachi movement, had sent my father to visit several US cities to give shiurim. The outbreak of World War II delayed his return, a delay which eventually stretched for thirty years. Naturally, I had heard a lot about Reb Aryeh, not only from my father but also from the stream of distinguished visitors from Israel—Menachem Begin, for example—who would often stop by our home to spend time reminiscing with my father and to seek his counsel on the issues of the day. Reb Aryeh was known as the “Tzaddik of Jerusalem,” but he was also called the “Father of the Prisoners” during the British Mandate. The prison in the Russian Compound in Jerusalem, today a museum, held many
Jaffa Street, circa 1950. Courtesy of the Israeli Government Press Office/Fritz Cohen
members of the Jewish underground— the Haganah, the Irgun, and the Lehi—who stood accused or who had been found guilty of political or criminal offenses against the British army. His selfless acts of kindness to these prisoners made him a living legend. Every Shabbat and yom tov morning, regardless of heat or cold, he would walk to the prison to daven with them. Each one of the inmates, whether religious, secular or even anti-religious, looked forward to feeling the warmth of the handshake of this little rabbi with the long black coat and the long white beard who brought them such encouragement and showed them such compassion. From the prison he would hurry to the families of various prisoners to bring them news of their loved ones. When I arrived at his home, my grandfather stood up, made a Birkat Shehecheyanu, and gave me a hug. Spring 5779/2019 JEWISH ACTION
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Reb Aryeh with two of his daughters, Rabbanit Shifra Jakobovitz (left) and Rabbanit Etel Plachinsky (center).
Stamp in honor of Rabbi Aryeh Levin issued by the Israel Postal Authority in 1982.
A letter to Reb Aryeh from the British Commissioner of Prisons; Reb Aryeh was constantly working to improve conditions—both physical and spiritual—for Jewish prisoners during the British Mandate.
Reb Aryeh wrote out the berachah he gave his grandson Benji upon first meeting him, “May God be gracious to you, my son.” (Image enlarged.)
‘I’m a very short person; I can’t see what’s on top of your head. But I see what’s in your heart.’
Reb Aryeh visiting Shaare Zedek Hospital after the Six-Day War to help raise the spirits of wounded soldiers.
Rabbi Aryeh Levin’s humble home in Nachlaot, Jerusalem.
Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons/Deror Avi
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With a smile, he looked at my elder brothers and, playing on my name Binyamin, he quoted Yosef when he first saw Binyamin in Egypt, “Is this your young brother whom you told me about?” Then he added the berachah that Yosef gave Binyamin, “May God be gracious to you, my son.” That berachah has accompanied me all my life, and I really believe that a lot of the success in my life came from that berachah of chen. Reb Aryeh lived alone in one small room, into which he had moved when my grandmother passed away many years before. Two of my aunts lived close by in the same courtyard and kept an eye on him. I was struck by the simplicity of his room, as he owned very little and lived extremely modestly. In the center was a small table covered with an oilcloth, with a few rickety chairs alongside it. There was a bed on each side of the room, as well as two old bookcases with his sefarim, and a wooden closet which held his frockcoat
Reb Aryeh was known as the “Tzaddik of Jerusalem,” but he was also called the “Father of the Prisoners” during the British Mandate. and shirt. On the window sill was a tin box, probably once used for crackers or cookies, in which he kept his shtreimel. Finally, there was a battered green painted desk with drawers containing paper, bottles of ink and dip pens, at which he would write notes in his very compact, very beautiful handwriting. At the back of the room was a tiny alcove that served as a kitchen, and an even tinier bathroom. We settled into a daily routine. Without waking me, my grandfather would get up very early in the morning to daven at the vatikin minyan in the Zohorei Chamah shul on Rechov Yafo,
across from the Machaneh Yehudah market. After he returned, he woke me around 8:00 am saying, “Binyominke, what time do they daven in your father’s shul in New Jersey?” And when I answered that there was a minyan as late as eight o’clock, he would say, “If you run now, you can still make it.” When I came back from shul, he cooked my breakfast. I would go up to my aunt’s apartment to get an egg, and then he would fry it with olive oil on a finicky kerosene primus stove, in an ancient pan that I imagined had been used in the Beit Hamikdash. After breakfast we learned
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A Yeshiva University graduate, Rabbi Benji Levene, grandson of Rabbi Aryeh Levin, received rabbinical ordination from Israel’s Chief Rabbinate. After serving as advisor to the chairman of the Aliya Department in the Jewish Agency for Israel, he served as educational director of the Gesher organization, which is dedicated to bridging the gap between religious and secular Jews. Rabbi Levene, who often serves as a scholar-in-residence in many Diaspora communities, was installed in 2014 as the rabbi of the Achdut Yisrael synagogue in Jerusalem, which was his grandfather’s synagogue.
together. For decades he had been the mashgiach ruchani at Jerusalem’s venerable Etz Chaim Yeshiva and he had an extraordinary talent for engaging youngsters. The memory I savor most of that whole summer is of those hours when he learned with me, with such a pleasant approach and a wonderful sense of humor. After we finished learning, he would often suggest that I go over to Hechal Shlomo, which was then the seat of the Israel Chief Rabbinate, and wait for his son-in-law, my uncle Rav Yosef Shalom Elyashiv z”l, and walk him home. In contrast with his later status as head of the Lithuanian (non-Chassidic) Chareidi community, my uncle was then the leading dayan (judge) in the Israeli religious court system. I spent several wonderful Shabbatot with Rav Elyashiv and his wife, my aunt Chaya, with divrei Torah, zemirot and small talk about Jewish life in America. 36
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When I came as a teenager to stay with my grandfather, I told myself that this was an opportunity for me to observe how a tzaddik conducts himself, and that I would copy his habits and make myself into a tzaddik like him. So I diligently watched what he did, but I found there was nothing to copy, because everything was so normal. His daily life and his habits were governed by common sense, his davening was quiet and straightforward, his conversation was spontaneous and relaxed, and he even chuckled at my jokes. My father had once sent him a View-Master with a disc of color photos of animals from Africa. Early one morning, as I still lay in bed, I saw that he had taken it from his closet and, like a little boy, was excitedly staring at the pictures. Fascinated by the lions, tigers and other animals, he kept muttering, “Nifla’os haBorei, nifla’os haBorei [the wonders of Creation]!” Then, after a few minutes he said to himself, “Genug olam hazeh, men darf gein daven’en [enough worldly pleasure, I must go daven].” One of the things I loved about staying with Reb Aryeh was the extraordinary array of people who came to see him. They would come for a berachah, for advice or just to talk—people from all sectors of Israeli life: men, women, Chareidi, Dati Leumi, chiloni, those who were yearning for children, or who had children who were not yet married or children who were sick, or who were suffering themselves. The links he had made with former members of the underground were very strong, and many of them often dropped by to feel the warmth of his hand and to receive his berachah. One day two Chassidim knocked at the door to tell him the Gerer Rebbe was on his way, and then they stood guard while Reb Aryeh and the Rebbe spoke. Sometimes the Nobel laureate novelist Shmuel Yosef Agnon would come in. The Knesset was then located not far away on King George Street, and Begin and other Knesset members would often stop by. Some visitors came from chutz
la’Aretz. My grandfather did not know much English, so he and I spoke in Yiddish, which I had learned from my parents. One time an American came in who spoke only English, and so I served as the interpreter. Usually my grandfather would insist on accompanying his guests along the way when they left, but this time he was in a little pain so he asked me to walk the visitor out. Innocently making conversation, I asked the man what he did for a living. “Oh,” he said, “I’m the publisher of the New York Times.” Why did Arthur Hays Sulzberger, a Reform Jew, want to visit the Tzaddik of Yerushalayim? He had heard what a fascinating individual he was, and came to see for himself. It was his outstanding middot that made Reb Aryeh so famous. He had an amazing instinct—you might almost call it “street smarts”—in dealing with people. Walking with him through the streets of Jerusalem was an adventure in and of itself, as everyone knew who he was and saw in him the way they thought a rav ought to be. No one was ever able to greet him before he said hello to them, and he would stop to chat with each orphan or widow whom he recognized. An eyewitness told me a story that perfectly illustrates how my grandfather was always on the lookout for any mitzvah he could do. Walking one day past the old Shaare Zedek Hospital building on Rechov Yafo, he noticed an attendant wheeling a body out of the cheder taharah, where the deceased were prepared for burial. Ascertaining from the attendant that the deceased was a woman and that she had no relatives to accompany her to her final resting place, Reb Aryeh began giving a hesped on the spot for this woman he did not know. Recognizing him, people stopped to listen, and a large crowd gathered. When he finished, he encouraged the crowd to fulfill the mitzvah of halvayat hamet (accompanying the dead). In her lifetime, would this woman ever have imagined that she would merit a funeral oration from the Tzaddik of Jerusalem, or that such a large crowd would attend her burial? But this
was typical of Reb Aryeh, walking the streets of Jerusalem and looking to see where he could do mitzvot. Someone else once told me that as a young man, he decided to rebel and gave up wearing a kippah. One day he saw my grandfather walking towards him and, remembering that Reb Aryeh was at his brit and his bar mitzvah, he tried to sneak away down a side street so the Rav shouldn’t see him bareheaded. But he was too slow and my grandfather came up to him. “Tell me,” he said, “did I ever do anything to hurt you? Because I noticed you trying to avoid me.” Of course, the young man admitted that he didn’t want Reb Aryeh to see him without a kippah. “Your grandfather took my hands in his,” he told me, “and said, ‘I’m a very short person; I can’t see what’s on top of your head. But I see what’s in your heart.’ Everyone else was telling me that I was a disgrace, that I was embarrassing my family. But Reb Aryeh never said anything negative.
His daily life and his habits were governed by common sense, his davening was quiet and straightforward, his conversation was spontaneous and relaxed, and he even chuckled at my jokes. It was the sweet and sincere words of your grandfather that convinced me to put the kippah back on my head.” It is stories like this that illustrate what made him so special. The former Israeli politician Geulah Cohen, who in pre-State Palestine had been a member of the Irgun and then the Lehi, was arrested by the British in 1946 and sent to the women’s prison in Bethlehem. Hearing that some Jewish women were imprisoned
there, my grandfather started visiting them, just as he regularly visited the male prisoners in Jerusalem. Years later, Cohen told me that when Reb Aryeh came, “in his presence we all wanted to be better people.” That, to me, is a wonderful definition of a tzaddik, and characterizes my grandfather beautifully. I may not have understood all the things he taught me, but in his presence I wanted to be a better person.
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COVER STORY
The Blessing of Failure 7 STEPS TO BUILDING SPIRITUAL RESILIENCE
In the start-up world, failure is hip. Entrepreneurs routinely blog about their failed ventures and the growth that resulted from them. There is even a new term for the career success that often follows failure—“ failing upwards.” At the same time, educators have noticed that “ failure deprivation” robs young people of their ability to persevere and to cope with the inevitable vicissitudes of life. Failure, it would seem, could be a good thing. So how should one respond when he or she fails, whether professionally or personally? In the pages ahead, prominent rabbis and educators describe how failure can be viewed as a blessing, and how it can help make us stronger, more resilient, better people.
Step 1: Forgive Yourself and Stop the Negative Self-Talk By Adina Shmidman Maintaining concentration in davening can be challenging on a daily basis. But certainly, one would expect Rosh Hashanah to be a day where focus comes easily, where the power of the
day is keenly felt and kavanah is a given. What happens when this is not the case? After a long davening last year, I shared my challenge with a dear friend as we walked out of the sanctuary. Her words, responding to my sense of failure and frustration, resonated profoundly. “Come back with forgiveness.” Tripping up, or a misstep, is a minor bump on the road, which requires one to refocus to get back on secure ground and move forward; failure is getting stuck in a hole with no way out. Because failure has a sense of permanence and self-definition, it creates “learned helplessness,” an idea developed by American psychologist
and founder of positive psychology Dr. Martin Seligman. Learned helplessness is when a person no longer puts in effort because there seems to be no purpose. Since the effort put forward will have no results, why try? On the other hand, viewing one’s actions as a mistake or misstep allows for action and forward movement. Our internal self-dialogue and thought processes affect our every approach and reaction. Reframing our thoughts to change our behavior is the theory behind cognitive behavioral therapy. Feeling empowered to change assures us that we don’t get stuck in the rut of failure. The Sefer HaChinuch, in his description of the mitzvah of
Special thanks to Leah Lightman for helping to conceptualize this special section. Spring 5779/2019 JEWISH ACTION
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The Torah view of hatzlachah is that we put in our best effort to do what we are expected to do. How things turn out is Hashem’s domain. atonement, suggests that verbal acknowledgement is at the heart of confession (vidui) (Mitzvah 364). Acknowledgement—aloud—is the message to the self that our essence is good; we are not failures. When we declare to ourselves, “I can change, I’m not a failure,” change becomes possible. Rebbetzin Dr. Adina Shmidman is the founding director of the OU’s The Women’s Initiative. A dynamic community leader and teacher for over twenty years, she also serves as rebbetzin of the Lower Merion Synagogue of Bala Cynwyd, Pennsylvania, and is the founding chair of the Rebbetzin Elaine Wolf a”h Rebbetzin-to-Rebbetzin Mentoring Program, sponsored by the OU and YU. Rebbetzin Shmidman lives in Bala Cynwyd with her husband, Rabbi Avraham Shmidman, and four sons.
Step 2: Failure Does Not Define You (and is a normal part of the learning process) By Benjamin Blech I will never forget my moment of greatest embarrassment. My elementary school graduation ceremony featured a play. As a reward for academic achievement, I was granted 40
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the leading role. My excitement knew no bounds. I was to play Moses. There could be no greater honor. I practiced my part faithfully. I memorized it perfectly and in rehearsal I performed it flawlessly. Can you imagine what it was like for me when I froze in front of the entire audience? I was a stranger to the spotlight and I began to stutter and stumble. I felt sick at my failure and couldn’t wait for the performance to be over. How would I ever again face my family and friends whom I had so deeply disappointed? No sooner was the play finished than the school principal stood up to thank everybody. In total shock and amazement, I heard him single me out for praise: “We all know that Moses had a speech defect and stuttered—and so we especially thank Benjamin Blech, the star of the show, who played the part so realistically.” Any success I have today as a speaker stems from my first failure—a failure that a very wise man helped me turn into the blessing of confidence and success. This is perhaps the most important truth I have learned in life: Failure is escorted by purpose. As Malcolm Forbes put it succinctly, “Failure is success if we learn from it.” S. I. Hayakawa, the distinguished former US senator from California and a specialist in semantics, alerted us to an all-important distinction between two English words that most of us assume are identical: “Notice the difference between what happens when a man says to himself, ‘I have failed three times,’ and what happens when he says, ‘I am a failure.’” To think of yourself as a failure is to create a perpetual self-image as a loser. If I can summarize what he said, it
is this: Failure only becomes a serious problem when we confuse it with our self-identity. If we learn from our mistakes, there is no such thing as failure. In Jewish terms, it is couched in the word we use for the person to be most revered and respected: the talmid chacham. Not simply a chacham, a wise person, but a student of wisdom, someone who continues to learn from his studies and his experiences. In that sense, it is your failures which serve as keys to your success. If your failure inspires you to surpass yourself and do it better next time, if you understand that failure never fully defines you but is meant to motivate you to greatness—then you are an alumnus of the best school in the world, and your failure was the tuition you paid for your eventual success. Ironically it was Moses, the real Moses—whose role I merely took on in the play—who at first tried to avoid accepting the mission God placed upon him as leader of the Jewish people by pleading, “I am not a man of words.” Yet, despite his speech disability, Moses is the one who remains to this day revered as the greatest spokesman for the Almighty. Rabbi Benjamin Blech is an internationally recognized educator, religious leader, author and lecturer. The rabbi emeritus of Young Israel of Oceanside, Rabbi Blech is a professor of Talmud at Yeshiva University.
Step 3: Figure Out What Went Wrong … and Try Again By Yitzie Ross Last year, I gave a difficult Chumash test to my fourth-grade class. I reminded the boys that the purpose of a test is to see how well the rebbe has taught
Light from the Chaos By Eliyahu Krakowski The Sefat Emet writes that we can learn from the order of Creation, in which there was first chaos, confusion and darkness (tohu vavohu), and only afterwards came the light. So it is in the worship of God, as the Zohar states, “Light is only that which emerges from darkness.” Everything contains aspects of hiddenness, and only when one overcomes them is the light revealed. The Midrash states that God created worlds and destroyed them, saying, “These please Me while the others do not please Me.” The same order applies to that which we learn in this world [i.e., we too must create “worlds” only to destroy them]. . . . Likewise, Adam’s sin took place before the completion of Creation, which was on Shabbat, to show us that “there is not a righteous man upon earth who does good and does not sin” (Kohelet 7:20) [i.e., sin is also part of the natural order of Creation] (Imrei Emet, Bereishit). Rabbi Eliyahu Krakowski is associate editor of OU Press.
the material. Upon marking the papers, I was thrilled that practically every boy scored well. Zevi,* however, got a 58, which was by far the lowest mark in the class. The next morning, I called the boys up one at a time to hand them their papers to bring home. Zevi looked uncomfortable; he was obviously terrified about his grade. When he came up, I gave him a big smile and whispered in his ear, “This is a great start!” He looked at his paper and asked, “How is this a great start? I failed!” It is such an interesting word—fail. I explained to him that during a sporting event, if a player misses a shot it’s called a “miss.” However, when a child doesn’t do well on a test, we say he “failed.” Why is that? Perhaps it’s because when a player misses a shot, the team can still win, and the player can even redeem himself. However, grades appear to be final. As I handed the test back to Zevi, I quietly told him to correct his mistakes for homework. He came in the next morning with a perfect paper and told me, “It was a
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The Broken Luchot By Eliyahu Krakowski The Gemara (Pesachim 68b) relates: “Rav Yosef, on the day of Shavuot, would say: ‘Prepare me a choice third-born calf.’ He said: ‘If not for what this day brought about, how many Yosefs would there be in the marketplace?’” [Rav Yosef wanted to prepare an extra delicacy for Shavuot. He felt a special obligation to celebrate Shavuot because it was through the Torah, which was given on Shavuot, that he distinguished himself from all the other “Joes” in the marketplace (specifically, through his Torah erudition).] Why is it that of all the sages, Rav Yosef in particular felt this obligation to mark the celebration of Shavuot? Rav Betzalel HaKohen of Vilna offered a poignant explanation:
“It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all.” —Author J. K. Rowling great start, but an even better finish!” to which I responded, “You didn’t fail after all. It was just a missed shot.” He walked away grinning from ear to ear. It’s not only children who are afraid of failure. One father confided in me that he feels like he failed as a parent since his oldest child is not as religious as he would like. In the Torah, the first father was Adam. One of his children killed the other. Avraham had Yishmael. Yitzchak had Eisav. Yaakov’s children ganged up against their brother, threw him into a pit, and then sold him into slavery. If that’s not enough, 42
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Shavuot commemorates the day on which the first Luchot were given to Moshe; yet these Luchot were shattered when Moshe descended from Har Sinai. Why then do we celebrate Matan Torah on Shavuot, the day when the first Luchot were received? Wouldn’t it make more sense to celebrate Matan Torah on the day the second Luchot were received, which is Yom Kippur? The Gemara (Nedarim 41a) records that Rav Yosef fell ill and forgot his learning; hence, we frequently find that Rav Yosef says, “I have not heard this halachah,” and his student Abaye reminds him, “You yourself taught it to us, from this particular beraita.” Rav Yosef suffered greatly as a result and felt himself to be of little worth. But upon reflection, he realized that Shavuot proves the value of even the broken first Luchot. The Gemara (Berachot 8b) tells how about Moshe Rabbeinu? He was our holiest leader, but his sons didn’t succeed their father; Yehoshua did. Did these Torah personalities consider themselves failures? Certainly not! They put in their hishtadlut, their effort, and trusted in Hashem to help them. To our forefathers, every mistake was a lesson learned. I like to quote the former principal of the Yeshiva of South Shore on Long Island, Rabbi Chanina Herzberg, zt”l, about this subject. When I started teaching, he told me, “A good rebbe makes mistakes every day. A great rebbe makes new mistakes every day.” There’s nothing wrong with making a mistake, unless you keep making the same mistake over and over. That’s when it becomes a failure. As parents, we will always make mistakes. The important thing is not to make the same mistake again. If you yelled at your child and it was because you were having a bad day,
us: “Be careful [to respect] an elderly sage who has forgotten his Torah knowledge through no fault of his own, for it was said: ‘Both the whole [second] Tablets and the fragments of the [first] Tablets were placed in the Ark.’” This is the lesson Rav Yosef was celebrating on Shavuot. When Rav Yosef said, “If not for what this day brought about, how many Yosefs would there be in the marketplace?” he was referring to his own condition. He no longer possessed the complete mastery over the corpus of Torah he once had; now he, too, was lacking Torah knowledge like many others. But even in his brokenness, Rav Yosef found in the message of Shavuot—the celebration of the first Luchot which were subsequently shattered— some measure of consolation (Kohelet Yitzchak, p. 59). that’s okay. You can tell yourself, “I won’t do that again,” and you can be honest enough to apologize to your child. “I made a mistake when I yelled at you. I was having a bad day, and I took it out on you. It was a mistake, and I will be careful not to do it again.” You took a mistake and turned it into a learning experience. Missing a shot in a game is okay. You can still win. Doing poorly on a test is also okay. Study harder and you’ll do better next time. Just remember, as long as you learn from your mistakes, you didn’t fail. Rabbi Yitzie Ross, a gradeschool rebbe on Long Island for over twenty years, writes a popular weekly parenting blog that has thousands of subscribers. He also gives parenting and social-media awareness classes and seminars throughout the US.
By Zisha Novoseller, as told to Bayla Sheva Brenner No one succeeds in business without failure. It’s impossible. The greatest business successes are products of failures and setbacks. It’s the only way those in business can learn and the only way they can recalibrate. If dealt with correctly, failure drives people toward, not away from, success. Recently, a prominent magazine featured a story about Ben Brafman, the noted Orthodox criminal-defense attorney who takes on the toughest cases. The article described him as “an overnight success.” Mr. Brafman responded to the piece by stating, “It took me forty years to be an overnight success.” One of the reasons some people in business don’t make it is that they don’t take ownership of their failures. After a slump, they’ve got to sit down and have a post-mortem. They can’t be blindsided by setbacks. This requires a certain honesty and forthrightness in those involved in the venture, so that when something goes wrong they can acknowledge any errors and promptly correct them. It is also helpful to write down five things that went wrong and five improvements that can be made for the next go-round. There is no business, from the largest to the smallest, that hasn’t had setbacks, some serious ones. Usually it’s because of a setback that an entrepreneur chooses to go in a different direction—one that leads to success. The key question every successful entrepreneur must ask him or herself is, “How can I learn as much as possible from my failures?” Rabbi Zisha Novoseller is the CEO of EPI Networking, an organization that helps individuals return to the workforce as employees or entrepreneurs.
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"The great human beings are not those who never fail. They are those who survive failure, who keep on going, who refuse to be defeated, who never give up or give in. They keep trying. They learn from every mistake. They treat failure as a learning experience. And from every refusal to be defeated, they become stronger, wiser and more determined." —Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks
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On the Need to Fall Translation by Eliyahu Krakowski When we teach or write about aspects of the greatness of our gedolim, it is critical that we address not only the final rung of their achievement and their perfect ways, but also the internal struggles that took place within their souls. The impression given by our current discussion of gedolim is that they were created by God in a fully formed state. To give one example, everyone talks about, is inspired by, and raises on a pedestal the Chofetz Chaim’s purity of speech. Does anyone know about the battles, struggles, failures and downfalls the Chofetz Chaim encountered along the path of his war with his evil inclination? . . . The consequence of this deficiency
Step 4: Failure Is Necessary for Growth By Elisheva Kaminetsky “Ma’aseh Avot siman labanim— the actions of the forefathers [specifically the Patriarchs] are a lesson for their descendants.” “Nevu’ah she’hutzrechah l'dorot nichtevah—Only those prophecies that were required for eternity were recorded.” One of the primary goals in studying the stories of Tanach is to learn from the characters we 44
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in our educational method is that when a young person who possesses inspiration, aspirations and yearnings finds stumbling blocks, failures and downfalls before him, it seems to him that he is not “planted in God’s house.” Because according to his youthful imagination, to be planted in God’s house means to sit with tranquility beside the pastures of peaceful waters and to enjoy his yetzer tov as the righteous enjoy the radiance of the Shechinah, with their crowns on their heads in the Garden of Eden . . . Know, however, my dear [Rabbi Hutner was directing this letter to a talmid of his] that the root of your soul is not the tranquility of the yetzer tov but rather the war of the yetzer tov. Your heartfelt letter attests like a hundred witnesses that you
meet in order to refine our own character. The great Biblical leaders serve as role models to us all. A debate has raged through the ages. Are these personalities role models of perfection in their middot and life choices, or are they role models of imperfection— people whom we can relate to by learning from their mistakes? A quick comparison of the lives of the first two kings of Israel gives us an interesting insight into perfection, failure and what leads to success. When Shmuel HaNavi is looking to anoint the first king of Israel, he is introduced to Shaul, who is described as “head and shoulders above the rest,” a person with stellar middot and free of sin, like an innocent baby. Shaul is king for just two years. He has difficulty facing the pressures of the job, yields to the will of the
are indeed a faithful warrior in the army of the yetzer tov. In English they say, “Lose a battle and win the war” [English in original]. You certainly have stumbled and will stumble again . . . and in some battles you will fall, conquered. But I promise you that after losing all these battles, you will emerge from the war with the crown of victory upon your head . . . “Lose battles but win wars” [English in original]. The wisest of all men said, “A righteous man falls seven times, and rises up again” (Mishlei 24:16). Fools think that this means—even though he falls seven times, he rises again. But the wise know well that it means the nature of the tzaddik’s rise is through his seven falls. (Rabbi Yitzchok Hutner, Pachad Yitzchok, Iggerot U’Ketavim, 128)
people and struggles to adhere to the directives of Hashem and Shmuel. Shaul’s pristine upbringing prior to being anointed king did not prepare him well for the trials of leadership. He was fragile and inexperienced at handling the challenges and responsibilities of his position. When Shmuel comes to anoint David as the next king, the latter is nowhere to be found. He is relegated to the back fields, and he is not even present to greet Shmuel, the great well-known leader of the generation. David did not have the respect of his own family; according to the Midrash, he was an outcast and a failure in the eyes of his own family. Rabbi Shimson Raphael Hirsch teaches us that David was describing this time in his own life when he wrote the words, “Even ma’asu habonim, haytah l’rosh pinah—the stone the
The greatest business successes are products of failures and setbacks . . . failure drives people toward, not away from, success. builders rejected has become the main cornerstone” (Tehillim 118:22). David himself is the stone that was discarded, only to become the crowning cornerstone of the magnificent edifice of Klal Yisrael. David becomes a longtime king. His leadership is marked by failure, dips and valleys in his personal and religious life. Yet it is David who leaves a legacy, through Sefer Tehillim, of how to relate to Hashem at all times, while establishing the first successful monarchy in Israel. He is a model of resilience and an example of someone whose low points in life became the catalyst for some of his greatest achievements. David’s failures in his youth prepared him well for his future. Ostracized from his family, David experienced isolation in the fields that gave him the opportunity to develop a deep relationship with Hashem and empathy for his flock—both the sheep that were his companions in his youth, as well as his future flock, Klal Yisrael. The rejection by his family also prepared him well for the loneliness of leadership. Shaul, who had never felt the tension and disappointment of personal failure, was unable to combat the tension and disappointment that he felt from the people, and he succumbed to the pressure. David’s greatness lies not only in his leadership but in his experience with failure. His belief that he could rebound from the low points in life led him to take responsibility for his actions. He did not look to blame when he disappointed himself, God or others, but took personal responsibility. Shaul, with his untarnished record, never having confronted failure in his youth, did not accept responsibility for his actions. He quickly looked to
blame others for his poor choices. This led to his ultimate downfall. David’s failures were the keys to his success. It is his imperfections that made him the perfect role model for us to emulate and learn from as we confront our own failures and imperfections. Elisheva Kaminetsky, the principal of Judaic studies and a Tanach teacher at the Stella K. Abraham High School for Girls, has been involved in Jewish education for over twenty-five years. Mrs. Kaminetsky lives with her husband, Rabbi Yisroel Kaminetsky, and children in Woodmere, New York.
Step 5: Value Effort More than Outcome By Moshe Weinberger, as told to Bayla Sheva Brenner The secular world’s definition of success is based upon results. I am successful if what I set out to accomplish was actually accomplished. Anything short of that is considered either a failure or a partial failure. The Torah’s definition is entirely different. A debate in Maseches Shabbos elucidates the Torah’s view of success and failure. According to halachah, on Chanukah, one must use sufficient oil to light the menorah so that the flames stay lit for the required amount
of time. But what happens if one lights the menorah, and a moment later the wind blows out the candles or a child knocks over the candles by accident? Did the individual fulfill the mitzvah? The Gemara concludes that as long as he set up the lights properly, with the intention of fulfilling the mitzvah, he was successful. This ruling applies to all aspects of our lives. There are people who raise a child who ultimately goes off the derech. The parents, dejected and broken, view themselves as having failed. They put all their love and resources into this child and their hopes are crushed. But the Torah view of hatzlachah is that we put in our best effort to do what we are expected to do. How things turn out is Hashem’s domain. We see this with our Avos. Yosef is the only person in the Torah called an “ish matzliach” (a successful man). You might question this. A person with so much promise and potential turned out to be a slave in the house of an Egyptian. Then he was stuck in prison with criminals. Is that success? Yet in Hashem’s view, as well as in Yosef ’s view, he was an ish matzliach. Hashem’s name was constantly on Yosef ’s lips. Despite his difficulties, he did not succumb emotionally or spiritually. At the end of the day, that’s the measure of success. I am presently counseling thirty-eight men who are struggling to keep away from watching inappropriate images on their devices. They check in with me daily to let me know how they’re doing. Today someone told me that this is the 200th day that he is “sober.” Yesterday, someone else, let’s call him “Avi,” had a terrible fall. He had been doing well for a while and then he crashed. He said to me, “I’m a complete failure. My whole life is a failure.” I told him that that is simply not true. “You were able to fight this for months, something you’ve been struggling with since high school. You developed an honest and open relationship with your wife. You’ve reached out for help. You have a seder in learning every day. You are a Spring 5779/2019 JEWISH ACTION
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Courtesy of Yeshiva University Archives
The Destiny of Man Is to Fail By Joseph B. Soloveitchik Without intelligence, man would be a brute in the field, and progress would be impossible. It is only through intellectual powers that man distinguishes himself as an independent and powerful being who can free himself from his environment and gain control over it. At the same time, human intelligence is also the source of man’s misery and suffering. Because of his intellect, man realizes his own tragic destiny and the distressful and sorrowful state of being in which he finds himself. . . Prayer is the result of human perennial distress, of man living constantly in the state of tension, of fearing something, of not being secure. We say “You grace man with knowledge and teach mortals understanding.” By so doing, You have raised man to lofty ontological heights; You made him great. However, at the same time, You made man a tragic figure, one involved in
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a perennial conflict with his environment, with himself, with his future, with death. He is intertwined with something which is beyond and above his control . . . Every life is a failure for a simple reason: the last battle is always lost by man, and the last battle is for immortality. (When I say immortality, I mean carnal, bodily immortality, without extinction of the biological life.) There are no successful men. If we survey the story of the heroes of our history, the towering personalities, those responsible for the existence of the Knesset Yisrael, God’s messengers and apostles, His prophets, we find that each one of them, despite his greatness, lost the final battle. Abraham lost Ishmael his son. Jacob lost Rachel, and he remembered this loss many years later, even when he was on his deathbed: “And I, when I was coming from Padan Aram, Rachel died” (Gen. 48:7). With the death of Rachel, Jacob had to make his exit from the historical arena. After her death, Jacob appears
only in the context of the story of another hero, Joseph, and on his deathbed, when he parts from his household and tells them about the future. Moses was engaged in a battle to enter the Land of Israel, and he lost. It was almost a petty request, but it meant everything to Moses, and it was denied to him and he lost. And so forth and so on. This is the destiny of man: to lose and to fail. It only depends how one fails and what one loses. This is exactly what we mean when we say “honeinu me’itkha de’ah binah vehaskel.” Despite the fact that knowledge and intelligence are responsible for our failures, for our misery, for our sorrow; because we are intelligent, because we understand; because we can think of the future and reminisce about the past; because there is sometimes a feeling of consuming nostalgia in a person who has wasted so many opportunities and sees in retrospect; despite it all, this is no reason to pray that our intelligence should be at a lower grade. We want as much knowledge as possible, as much intelligence as He sees fit to bestow upon us, as much understanding and discernment and insight into the future as He feels we are qualified for. Yes, our tragic role will be proportionate to the amount of knowledge we possess, but we are ready to accept the burden. That’s what a Jew says in “Ata honen le’adam daat.” We are ready, in spite of everything, to accept the burden and to carry it. Excerpted from Blessings and Thanksgiving: Reflections on the Siddur and Synagogue [New York and Jerusalem, 2019], 87-88.
Over the years, I realized there is success in just putting up a noble fight, doing the best that one can do in the moment. success because you’re staying in the milchamah. You are a person who is fighting for holiness in life. In Hashem’s eyes you are an ish matzliach.” I used to view life in a cynical way. I was hard on others as well as on myself. Over the years, I realized there is success in just putting up a noble fight, doing the best that one can do in the moment. I’ve met warriors like Avi, courageous people trying to improve their lives. I was also influenced by Rabbi Shlomo Freifeld, zt”l, founder and rosh yeshivah of Sh’or Yoshuv Institute in Far Rockaway, New York, with whom I became very close. During one of my visits to his yeshivah, Rabbi Freifeld told the chevrah to bring out some schnapps and herring; they were going to make a siyum for a young man who had just finished reading his first line of Gemara on his own. Other people would say, “That’s what you’re making a celebration over, a line in the Gemara? If you finish a whole masechta, that’s a success!” Rabbi Freifeld didn’t view life that way. This individual, who came from a background devoid of any learning, had worked very hard to come to this point in his life. To be able to make a siyum on one line in the Gemara is a success story. Rabbi Moshe Weinberger is mara d’atra of Congregation Aish Kodesh in Woodmere, New York. Bayla Sheva Brenner is an awardwinning freelance writer and a regular contributor to Jewish Action.
What It Took to Change the Face of Jewish Women’s Education By Leslie Ginsparg Klein Illustration from Eim B’Yisrael: Kitvei Sarah Schenirer (B’nei Brak, Israel, 1955). Courtesy of Leslie Ginsparg Klein
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arah Schenirer’s original idea wasn’t to create a formal school for young Jewish women. It was to create a youth society, similar to those of the secular ideological movements (Socialism, Communism, Zionism, et cetera) that were so popular with Jewish youth at the time. Excited to launch her movement, she convened a group of teenage girls in 1915. And she failed. The girls mocked her and left her speech sneering. Schenirer could have quit, but she didn’t. “Who cares about doubts? Who cares about obstacles? Who cares if many laugh and ridicule my plan?” she wrote. “What role does my personal pride play here? If the intent is sincere and the aim is pure, my goal will certainly be achieved.” She endured a number of failures before she switched her focus from working with teens to starting a school for young girls in 1917.
Schenirer could have quit, but she didn’t. “Who cares about doubts? Who cares about obstacles? Who cares if many laugh and ridicule my plan?” she wrote.
Even after her goal was achieved with the success of the first school and the movement’s growth, Schenirer still faced adversity, opposition and social ostracization. Communal leaders were against her innovations. Rabbinic leaders opposed her. They stopped her from opening schools in their towns. There are stories of people throwing rocks at her in the street. “Many were the times she was ousted with disdain by frum communities,” wrote Bais Yaakov leader Rabbi Yehuda Leib Orlean, Hy"d, after her death. “The people she turned to, especially in the beginning, turned her away. Even once she had achieved her hard-earned respect, there remained individuals who would not capitulate, and continued to place obstacles in her path.” Though Sarah Schenirer faced personal troubles, disappointment, ridicule and opposition, far from letting adversity and failure stop her, she used it to motivate herself to work harder. She persevered, and the entire Jewish world is richer for her efforts. Leslie Ginsparg Klein, PhD, is the academic dean of Women’s Institute of Torah Seminary/Maalot Baltimore. She is also the co-author, with Ann Koffsky, of Sarah Builds a School (New York, 2018), a children’s book on the life of Sarah Schenirer.
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Step 6: Don’t Give Up
The Recipe for Success By Leah R. Lightman
By Moshe Weinberger, as told to Bayla Sheva Brenner A person must take responsibility for his life, but he should not wallow in mistakes, self-criticism and misery. Studying the classic mussar sefarim and being brutally honest with oneself is encouraged in the teachings of the Baal Shem Tov. Never is it suggested that one should not make a self-accounting. What Chassidus does oppose is slipping into moods that are self-destructive, allowing oneself to succumb to self-pity and self-loathing. A famous teaching from Rabbi Simcha Bunim of Peshischa is that a person should always carry two notes, one in each pocket. On one piece of paper should be written: “The world was created for me.” And on the other: “I am but dust and ashes.” The key is to know when to pull out which note. It’s all a matter of timing. One must determine what is going to work best to help him come closer to Hashem at each point in his life. The matter of timing also applies to where we are as a people at a given time in history. The mussar approach of the past worked for many people; today, that approach is less effective, especially among youth. There are very few who can recuperate from a fall by kicking themselves. Most people nowadays are much more fragile and brittle. The goal is always the same: to help an individual become as God-fearing as possible, to do teshuvah, and keep mitzvos—to aspire to the greatness he or she can achieve. Today, the most effective way to accomplish that goal is to concentrate on the note: “Bishvili nivra ha’olam—the world was created for my sake.” The time to be hard on oneself and to focus primarily on self-improvement is when things are going well. A Jew has to know when to take a more positive approach and when to take a more negative or 48
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The rabbi, artist and author who revolutionized the world of English-language Torah literature was no stranger to adversity. While the young Meir Zlotowitz knew what he wanted to say, expressing himself was difficult because he stuttered. Art became an avenue for self-expression. Few people outside of his adult circle of influence knew about his dysfluency because he worked hard to grow past it. “There were times when my father would ‘almost’ stutter,” shares Chaim Zlotowitz. “But he had developed a physical way of channeling the ‘emotion’ of the stutter-causing word into either a fist or stomping his foot. He was then able to express his thought.” His first marriage ended in 1971, a time when divorce in the Orthodox community was not common. He had custody of the three children, who required his time and attention, as did his fledgling business into which he was trying to breathe life. When Rabbi Zlotowitz was in the depths of despair on all fronts of his life, he sought the advice of his rav, Rabbi Moshe Feinstein, zt”l. Reb Moshe listened, counseled him and said, “Meir, your children will be bnei Torah and their children will be bnei Torah.” Strengthened by this blessing, Rabbi Zlotowitz forged ahead.
Few people outside of his adult circle of influence knew about his dysfluency because he worked hard to grow past it.
He remarried in 1972 and had five more children. But the business was floundering and in the early years, he had nearly constant financial worries. More than once, he had to borrow funds to meet the ArtScroll payroll. “My father described times when he and his friends discussed buying presents for their wives for yom tov,” Chaim says. “He would sit silently, because he was unable to do so.” Even after ArtScroll became a household name, the company was not immune to fiscal challenges. In 2008, during the economic crisis, a few ArtScroll donors were forced to pull back on their financial commitments. Yet Rabbi Zlotowitz remained committed to maintaining a rigorous publishing schedule for books of Jewish learning with exacting standards. Rabbi Meir Zlotowitz ultimately transformed the landscape of Orthodox Jewish learning and life. Yet his journey began with transforming himself—neither letting obstacles obscure his vision, nor letting failures prevent him from moving forward. The Jewish world is immensely better off as a result. Leah Lightman is a writer living in Lawrence, NY with her husband and family.
harsh approach. When one’s Yiddishkeit is thriving, he should focus on the mistakes he has made, on what he still needs to accomplish. By being honest with himself, he can get to the business of fixing what needs to be fixed. On the other hand, when things are not going well and he’s not in a good place, the main thing to focus on is his positive qualities. Only this will bring an individual to have the desire and energy to change. A man who was in despair over his difficulties in life approached Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe for guidance. Rabbi Wolbe asked him to bring over a siddur from the shelf. He then pointed to a pasuk in the davening, “Rabbos machshavos b’lev ish v’atzas Hashem hi sakum—There are many thoughts in a man’s heart, but God’s plan will prevail” (Mishlei 19:21). Rabbi Wolbe asked the man to translate the pasuk. The man responded, “You could have many thoughts in your head, but whatever Hashem wants, that’s what’s going to be.” Rav Wolbe explained that he translates it differently. When a
A person must take responsibility for his life, but he should not wallow in mistakes, selfcriticism and misery. person is going through terrible challenges in his life, there are many thoughts in his head—discouraging thoughts such as “I can’t go on,” as well as thoughts like “I have to try, and Hashem will help me.” But Hashem’s advice is always “sakum”: “Get up. Move forward! Don’t give into that voice of failure and hopelessness.” Rabbi Gad Eisner, zt”l, a great mashpia in the Gerrer chassidus, had survived many concentration camps. When the war was winding down, knowing the Allies were approaching, the Nazis gathered the remaining Jews in the barracks and told them that they were being relocated to another camp. Wanting to have some fun, they ordered the starved, sickly Jews to run. Anyone who fell was immediately shot. Rabbi Eisner related that after five minutes he felt he could not go on. All around him people were falling. He was about to collapse when, suddenly, he heard a Jew from a few rows behind him yelling, “Loif! Loif! (Don’t stop! Run!)” This gave him the strength to continue and that’s how he survived. As much as we tell ourselves that we have to move forward, we often feel we just can’t. That’s
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Teaching Kids How to Fail By Steve Lipman
W
hether it’s not making the roster of a sports team at their school, not making the cast of a school play, not making friends, not making the dean’s list or any of the various frustrations in a young person’s life, children need to learn from failure, just as successful adults do. In a new book about failure—which approaches the topic from a child’s perspective—authors Chad and Karen Lilly stress how instead of harming or weakening the character of young people, failure should strengthen it.
The Lillys, who live in the Chicago area, have seen this in raising two children and in the research they have conducted their book, which will be published later this year by Behrman House (title as yet undetermined). The book centers on the profiles of twenty-three famous individuals who encountered failure when young but did not give up, were encouraged by friends and family, and grew to become highly successful in their respective fields later in life. The authors say their book grew out of the struggles that their now college-age children went through as kids. Karen and Chad were not perfect parents—they learned the book’s lessons from where they failed years ago. “So much failure,” Karen says. The Lillys offer parents, teachers and anyone who shapes young lives some points of advice for teaching children how to deal with failure. 50
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• Don’t be afraid to talk about failure. If a child has failed a test or failed in some other way—even in his or her own imagination—you can be sure it’s already on the child’s mind. • Listen, don’t preach. • Boost their confidence about what they can do, instead of focusing on where they have fallen short. In other words, play to the child’s strengths. If he or she has demonstrated ability in art, but less so in sports, encourage your child to concentrate on his or her proven abilities. • Don't Criticize, Analyze. Find specific ways in which your child can improve his or her performance. Ask, “What could you do better?” • Don’t set unrealistic goals. Not everyone can be an Olympic champion or an Oscar winner. • Encourage your kids to embrace their inner toddler. Infants naturally stumble and fall when first learning to walk. They pick themselves up and try again, without getting discouraged. Everyone has that inborn adaptability. • Take the long view. Kids often can’t see beyond today, their
immediate environment, their school or circle of friends. Talk about the future, which kids can’t necessarily envision when they are discouraged. • Share stories about your own failures. And emphasize the lessons you have learned from your failures. Tell them it’s okay to fail. • Share stories of other people who have failed, picked themselves up, and gone on to success—the focus of the Lillys’ book. • Remember what it was like when you were their age. Speak from a vantage point of maturity, but don’t assume that your child has reached that point yet. Treat your child the way you would want to be treated. • View each child as an individual. Kids aren’t monoliths. Advice that will work for one child won’t necessarily work for another. • Allow your kids to struggle and discover their own solutions. If you do it for them and make things easier, they lose the lesson of the struggle. You can’t walk for your child; she has to do it on her own. Struggles build confidence and self-reliance. Celebrate your child’s effort in overcoming the challenge.
Steve Lipman is a frequent contributor to Jewish Action.
when your life depends on someone who truly cares about you—a rebbe, a family member, a good friend, the person a couple of rows behind you— to urge you to “Loif, loif! Keep on going!” And you find the strength. I would also recommend learning Likutei Maharan 282. Rebbe Nachman teaches one to see himself in a healthy way, to understand the Torah perspective on what it means to be successful. He speaks about seeing the nekudos tovos (the good points) in others and ourselves. Start with that, and then learn To Restore the Soul (Meshivas Nefesh), based on the teachings of Rebbe Nachman and Reb Nosson.
Step 7: Let Your Children Fail Too! By Moshe Benovitz Josh, Noah, and Max* are grade-schoolers and longtime friends. They spend time together in school and are practically inseparable outside of school. Every Shabbat afternoon, vacation time, and Sunday morning, they hang out playing nerf football in the basement and elaborate inventive games in the yard. Except when they go biking. Then, three become two. Max’s parents are known for their uncompromising rule. Biking is too dangerous and is forbidden to their kids. It is certainly challenging for any parent to determine the line between reckless and responsible. Few of us are entirely rational when deciding for ourselves or our children what is risky and what is not. As such, if Max’s parents are overprotective, we might forgive them. Who is to say what is dangerous and what is not? Skiing, paintball, a driver’s license for teenagers—there is no authoritative playbook, and parents
Can we do better in allowing our children to fail? Can we teach and model better coping skills? must make their own decisions. Yet, if there is a flaw in Max’s parents’ behavior, it may well be in their approach, as opposed to their conclusion. As parents, we devote great effort and energy to protect our children. Our children are vulnerable and fragile. Without our shielding, they will come to harm. But at some stage, far earlier than we are generally comfortable, there should be a gradual shift from preventing falls, scrapes or stumbles toward building our children’s resolve and resilience and giving them the strength to dust themselves off and get up again. Max has a great chance of making it through this sunny afternoon unscathed. But all the while, he is being weakened and underdeveloped so that when he inevitably finds himself knocked down, he will be hopelessly out of his element. In a remarkable and well-known correspondence to a student who confessed to failure, Rabbi Yitzchok Hutner, rosh yeshivah of Yeshivas Chaim Berlin, advocated for an education that encourages this kind of resilience. He explains: The wisest of all men [King Shlomo] said [Mishlei 24:16], “The tzaddik will fall seven times and will rise.” The unlearned think that this means, “Even though a tzaddik falls seven times, he will rise.” The wise know well that the meaning is: “Because a tzaddik falls seven times, he will rise” (Pachad Yitzchok: Iggerot U’Ketavim, no. 128). While his words resonate, they also point to an inefficiency in our educational process. We teach for success and achievement. We reward accomplishment and the winner. We glorify the victor, and to him or her go the spoils. No one would suggest that we encourage defeat or
reward failure. But if we never teach or encourage resilience, from where do we imagine it will emerge? Can we do better in allowing our children to fail? Can we teach and model better coping skills? Should we be so aggressive in protecting our children from rejection? Can we do better with our hero narratives and recounting of personal histories? More than a few superlative boxers have met their downfall because of a “glass chin.” All the biceps and bench presses are for naught if you can’t take a punch. The most important player in the most lucrative of American sports is the football quarterback. Millions of dollars ride on the franchise’s ability to predict his success. Here too, arm strength and physical prowess matter little if he is crushed by pressure and can’t take a hit. His ability to withstand and rise is the ultimate determinant of his achievement. This skill is hard to practice and plan, and difficult to train and teach. But there is no substitute. We all pray that our children should be healthy and strong—physically, emotionally and religiously. However, how we define strength and, consequentially, how we develop it in our children will determine if we are successful or not, or whether we are undermining our well-intended efforts. In our own lives we can identify true strength in times of greatest disappointment. Should we do any less in raising our children? *Though names have been changed, the account is accurate without embellishment.
Rabbi Moshe Benovitz is managing director of NCSY and the longtime director of NCSY Summer Kollel.
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The Israel Free Spirit Birthright Israel staff. 52
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Overcoming Addiction THE COURAGE TO SUCCEED Jewish Action speaks with Sharon Darack, North American director of the OU’s Israel Free Spirit: Birthright Israel, for which she oversees trips to Israel for thousands of Jewish college kids and young professionals annually. In 2018, Israel Free Spirit arranged sixty-four trips to Israel, including a trip for young people in recovery from addiction. Prior to her position at the OU, Sharon was a program director for JACS (Jewish Alcoholics, Chemically Dependent Persons and Significant Others), under the auspices of The Jewish Board in New York, where she spent more than fifteen years in the field of drug and alcohol addiction in the Jewish community.
Jewish Action: What are some of the factors that lead to addiction? Sharon Darack: From what I have seen, there are usually underlying reasons that cause people to abuse drugs or alcohol. Some are struggling with mental health issues. Some have undergone a traumatic experience such as physical abuse or the loss of a loved one. A person might say to himself: “I need to escape from my terrible feelings. I’m having a really bad day and I don’t know what else to do but drink, take drugs, or gamble.” There are other entry points. Someone recovering from back surgery or serious dental work might be on painkillers and become dependent on them. There can be a genetic component as well; there are those who have a family history of addiction. And, of course, there are peer and social pressures. It’s important to focus on the underlying issue first, and then the addiction. Identifying the reason for the addiction helps me recommend the best treatment and education plan.
Photos: Josh Weinberg
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To me, failure is not really about failure—it’s about a challenging time in someone’s life that has not been addressed, which causes this individual to behave in a certain unhealthy way. At JACS, which was established in 1978 and was the first such program for the American Jewish community, I worked with Jews from all backgrounds—unaffiliated to Chassidic. We worked with the individual addict and with those impacted by addiction: spouses, children, parents, friends or colleagues. You name the addiction—drugs, alcohol, eating disorders, gambling, Internet—and we were there to help. JA: Can you share a story of someone who really surprised you by making a dramatic recovery? SD: There are so many stories. There were quite a few fourteen to sixteen-year-olds in a certain rehab whom I would visit so that they would have a Jewish visitor, and when they came out of treatment we stayed in contact. Some of them stayed connected through JACS programming and educational workshops, and a few even participated in the OU’s Birthright Israel trips for those in recovery. Thanks to Facebook, I can stay in touch with these amazing young people who are leading a life in recovery and are committed to being clean and sober. It’s remarkable to watch someone struggling with addiction make a commitment to stop harming himself. Essentially, that person is saying, “I’m going to enter recovery, I’m going to embrace this journey, because my life is not functional!” Generally, those in recovery do not do it alone; they do it with the right support network and treatment plan, which enables them to find the courage and strength to turn their lives around. I have watched many, many young people 54
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enter recovery, start careers, become professionals or entrepreneurs, and eventually marry and build families. One young man in particular comes to mind; I’ll call him Chaim. Chaim was a teen from an Orthodox home in Brooklyn who once sat in my office, high as a kite, begging for help. He had hit rock bottom and he did not know what to do. His friends called me the night before and I told them to have him come to my office the next day and I’d see what we could do. Chaim got into a Jewish-friendly rehab center in Pittsburgh, went through treatment and started his recovery journey. He did relapse a few times— but that’s part of the experience. JA: Why is relapse/failing a part of the experience? SD: Because it’s very hard. [According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse, the relapse rate for drug abuse is between 40 and 60 percent.] For some people it takes a few tries to make this life-changing commitment. Others start the process of recovery when they are not really ready for it. Often young people think: I’ve come this far now, I’m good. I’m healed. I think I can do it again. I can drink or I can do drugs in moderation; I can gamble in moderation. And the reality is they can’t. You have to realize that you are allergic to these substances. It’s a disease, it’s a sickness. When you drink or do drugs, your life becomes unmanageable, and at a certain point it starts to fall apart. When someone relapses, there is usually something bigger going on in their lives. So, to me, failure is not really about failure—it’s about
a challenging time in someone’s life that has not been addressed, which causes this individual to behave in a certain unhealthy way. We need to ask: why did he or she relapse? What are the pressures that are causing this person to use drugs, alcohol, et cetera? Is it because he is struggling with anxiety, depression or other mental health issues that are not being addressed? Maybe he is just not ready to give up what he is abusing. Not addressing the underlying issue could be a setup for failure. Part of the journey of recovery entails giving back. We say, “Give back what was graciously given to you.” Once Chaim celebrated his one-year sobriety anniversary, he started to volunteer and speak to students in Jewish schools, sharing his story. Chaim was there when we came up with the concept of creating a recovery Birthright trip with Israel Free Spirit, and he helped us with the planning. JA: Tell me about the Birthright trips you run for those in recovery. SD: I knew about Birthright, so I approached the OU and asked if the organization would run a trip for young Jewish addicts in recovery. The OU was the only Birthright trip operator that understood the benefit of offering such a trip. Through these trips, we have given a tremendous gift to these young people. After I spent two years running the Israel trips—I hadn’t been able to participate in the trips myself because I still had young children at home—I thought to myself, I came up with this concept and I haven’t seen it in action? I must go! And so I finally went on my first Birthright Israel trip for recovering addicts, and I asked Chaim to staff it with me. And he did. As time went on, Chaim continued his journey of recovery and he began returning to the Judaism he had abandoned. He met a Jewish girl, got engaged and invited me to his wedding. It’s hard to go to such a wedding. I have to remain anonymous but I can’t help but cry after watching someone make this incredible, awe-inspiring journey. All of Chaim’s Continued on page 58
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friends in recovery were there. We hugged one another as we cried; we all understood what Chaim had gone through. And we knew that we were witnessing a miracle—Hashem’s miracle—right there in front of our eyes. A year later, Chaim and his wife had a baby. But there are tragedies too, devastating tragedies, and families coming apart. Because I’ve been involved in this field for so long, I see a lot of success, but there was a time when every other day there was a Jewish kid dying from an overdose. JA: What do you think is the difference between those who make it and those who don’t? SD: Those who struggle with recovery are suffering from the disease of addiction. They’re literally choleh. People have a tendency to blame. It’s easy to place the blame on the addict and think, “You’re such a bad person; you failed,” instead of acknowledging that he or she is sick and suffering. They’ve tried rehab so many times and have not yet worked out how to stop harming themselves. Often those who die by overdose did not intend to die. On our Israel trips, when we go to Mount Herzl, we memorialize those who lost their battle to addiction. It reminds the group what they are fighting for. JA: What do you say to someone who has relapsed? SD: When someone has relapsed and is actively using drugs, for example, it’s usually a family member or friend who reaches out to me. I ask the addict, “What do you want to achieve right now? What do you want to do to get through this challenging time?” My message is simple: I’m here for you when you need help. When you’re ready to go back on the journey of recovery, you tell me when and where and I’ll be there to help. An addict can only be helped if he or she wants to be helped. It has to come from the person, not from his or her loved ones. It’s difficult for the family to accept that. But I tell them: if your child is over eighteen and doesn’t want help, you can’t force him to do something he doesn’t want to do. All you can do is be loving and nurturing. I’m in touch with one young woman who is traveling and is afraid to come back to the States. She told me she started drinking again and her roommate doesn’t want to live in the apartment with her anymore because she’s not sober. We talked about it, but right now she sees nothing wrong with drinking. She’s suffered from a mental health condition for years, but took herself off her medication because she doesn’t like the way she feels on it. I told her, “I’m here for you when you need me.” She might reach out in a few months or in a year. Or maybe she won’t. And I put down the phone and I prayed that she doesn’t die. Because when someone starts drinking or taking drugs again, they don’t start at the beginning. They pick up from where they left off. But I know I’m powerless. Someone can only be helped if she wants to be helped. 58
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The Israel Free Spirit: Birthright Israel staff
Things are changing in the Orthodox Jewish community today. There was a time when shame and denial were rooted in our society. JA: What do you tell parents who perceive themselves to be failures because their child is an addict? SD: Parents of addicts often believe they have failed. I tell them, “You are not a failure. But don’t stop loving your child; no matter what, don’t give up on him. Tell him, ‘I’m here for you, I love you, I care for you. When you want to get into recovery or you need help, I’m here to support you.’” Some parents have challenging family dynamics and might need to say, “You can’t live under my roof like this, since there are other children in the house.” You can’t be your child’s bank account. I advise parents to tell their child who is an addict: “I can’t continue to give you money because I don’t agree with the way you spend it; I can’t support what you’re doing. But 60
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if you’re hungry, come home; I’ll make you a meal or buy you some food.” Some parents have experienced addiction and mental health issues themselves. In that case, the discussion is very different. But in the majority of cases, where the parents do not suffer from addiction themselves, I tell them: “You never stop caring and you never stop hoping. There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes it’s a dark, sad light, but sometimes it’s a brilliant, bright light. And when your child begins recovery and starts living in a healthier way, it’s like he has been given a beautiful gift, a chance for a new life, and he is a different person.” JA: Are societal expectations in the frum community unrealistic? Doesn’t it sometimes seem as if society is saying you can’t fail in any area?
SD: At one point I worked with an Orthodox couple who would not tell anyone in the community that their son was actively abusing drugs. Every time their son overdosed, he would pass out and vomit, and the father would somehow manage to get him down the stairs and into the car so he could drive him to the hospital. They didn’t want any of their neighbors to see an ambulance in front of their home, because they were afraid of what their community would say and that their teenage daughter would have a hard time finding a shidduch in the future. Some people struggle with the concept that an addict is a sick person. That’s why it’s so important to educate, in order to de-stigmatize addiction and mental health issues. No one should feel embarrassed about seeing a psychiatrist or therapist to address a mental health issue. On the contrary, a person who addresses his addiction or any other mental health issue should be viewed in a positive light. We need to take care of ourselves in all ways, which is what the halachah mandates. That includes taking care of our mental health. In the US, one in five people struggle with mental health issues; the Jewish community isn’t exempt. However, on a positive note, things are changing in the Orthodox Jewish community today. There was a time when shame and denial were rooted in our society. Years ago I never heard a young frum person say, “I’m in recovery and my mom is so supportive.” Nowadays, I hear that quite often. That’s a huge difference from how things used to be. JA: Have you seen someone overcome addiction and become a better person because of his experiences? SD: Most people I meet who are in recovery believe they are in a better place than they were before. This is because they’ve gone on this remarkable journey, working on themselves either in a 12-Step program, a therapeutic support group, or individual therapy. Through these experiences, they have learned
valuable skills—how to share their feelings and how to respond in a healthy way to challenging situations. Those who choose to follow the 12-Step program find it to be a very honest and meaningful way of living. Some of the prayers are Christian-based, so in JACS we made them Jewish. Instead of saying a 12-Step prayer, we told the Jewish participants to recite the Shema instead. JACS did things like that with the help of many amazing rabbis who believed in what we did. One of those rabbis is the well-known psychiatrist [and former Jewish Action contributor] Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski. He would often say that the 12-Step approach is similar to ideas found in the Torah. For example, the program asks you to admit that you are powerless over your addiction; to believe in a power greater than yourself; to make a fearless inventory of yourself; to make amends to others and to practice meditation and prayer.
People who follow the 12-Step model have found it to be an invaluable part of their recovery journey. Gratitude is a basic theme in recovery. We talk about what we are grateful for. Many times people will say, “I’m grateful that I’m alive today, that I was able to get up today, that I didn’t die of a drug overdose or from alcoholism or from gambling my life away and becoming broke. I’m now in a place where I can really take care of myself. I can be responsible and accountable.” I teach those in recovery to reflect. When I get up every day, what am I grateful for? My family, a roof over my head, a place to sleep; I can get up every day and attempt to function. When you start with the basics, you build a solid foundation for having a positive attitude. To be resilient in life, you have to look at the positive. I feel it’s also important to believe in a power greater than ourselves. In everything I do, I feel God around me,
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and my feelings of gratitude come from that. My favorite prayer is Modeh Ani. Every summer when I staff our Israel Free Spirit: Birthright Israel recovery trip, the participants on our bus, most of whom are not observant, go home knowing Modeh Ani by heart (we teach them to sing it in Hebrew and in English so they can understand it). On our ten-day trip, every morning we have forty-odd Americans, Israelis and madrichim singing this song on the bus. Why? Because it’s a song of gratitude. When I wake up in the morning, I open my eyes and say, Thank you Hashem for my neshamah and for giving me another day. JA: How long of a journey is recovery? SD: When someone is in recovery, he’s never totally healed, never fully recovered—he has to continuously work on himself. I’ve heard some people say they’re “in recovery for thirty years,” some for forty years. So it’s a long, incredible journey.
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What I’ve learned from the failure narratives of my students By Dovid Bashevkin
FAILURE GOES TO YESHIVAH I n June of 2017, the New York Times ran a story entitled “On Campus, Failure Is on the Syllabus” that detailed some of the new programs emerging on university campuses across the United States teaching students how to fail. Of course, at first glance, teaching someone how to fail seems puzzling. But along the lines of larger trends taking place in the business world, failure has become vogue. Harvard Business Review’s April 2011 issue was dedicated to failure. A 2015 article in Fast Company wondered, “Why Are We So Obsessed with Failure?” And in 2017, the Museum of Failure, with the largest collection of failed products and services, opened its doors in Helsingborg, Sweden. So it was not entirely surprising that failure would eventually go to school. As Rachel Simmons, a leadership development specialist at the Wurtele Center for Work and Life at Smith College who developed the failure program at the university, explained to the New York Times, “What we’re trying to teach is that failure is not a bug of learning, it’s the feature.” The question I wondered was whether such a course could enter yeshivah. Two years ago, I began teaching a course at Yeshiva University’s Isaac Breuer College that focused on failure in a religious context. In the course, we begin with the sin of Adam, specifically
exploring whether sin was a deviation from the Creation story or an act of Creation itself. We then explore an array of central issues related to sin and failure in Jewish thought, such as whether sinning is ever predetermined, how and why rabbinic leaders sin, the halachic status of sinners and apostates, as well as a broad overview of rabbinic correspondence consoling those who failed. The highlight of the course, however, is not what I say—it is what the students share. In lieu of a midterm, each student shares a story of religious development—his own or that of someone he knows (anonymity is fine). This unconventional test structure is obviously attractive for many students. Who wants a formal midterm in a class on failure—if you fail the midterm, wouldn’t that be a success? Instead, the course asks students to share a religious narrative and then write a letter addressed to the individual who is struggling; many students end up writing a letter to themselves. Toward the beginning of the course, based on a somewhat famous New York Times article by Bruce Feiler entitled “The Stories That Bind Us,” we talk about three different types of narratives. Ascending narratives begin with some crisis or difficulty (“my parents forced me to sit through shul and I hated it”) and end with a positive resolution (“now I’m the rabbi
Dovid Bashevkin, director of education for NCSY and a member of the Jewish Action Editorial Committee, published a Hebrew work on failure in rabbinic thought entitled B’Rogez Rachem Tizkor (trans. “In Anger, Remember Mercy”). His book, Sin-a-gogue: Sin and Failure in Jewish Thought, was recently published by Academic Studies Press (Boston, MA) .
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of the shul”). A descending narrative begins positively (“I loved learning Gemara in high school”) but ends negatively (“I haven’t studied Torah in decades”). Most common, however, is the oscillating narrative, which has both ups and downs, reflecting the natural vicissitudes of life and religious commitment. Students are asked to consider, some for the first time, what is the arc of their religious narrative? What types of stories are their religious lives telling? Discussing Failure Of course, developing such a class in a religious setting is not without its challenges. As opposed to a secular university, Yeshiva University fosters religious commitment; it’s not looking to highlight religious decline. Some students in the class have fallen out of faith; others’ relationship with Judaism could best be described as “frenemies.” One could justifiably be concerned that giving a voice to different religious narratives and story arcs would only encourage religious deterioration or, perhaps worse, aggravate the religious commitment of those who are comfortable. More so, why not just teach a class on teshuvah? Surely, the Rambam’s Laws of Repentance contain universal truths that should be enough to religiously inspire without providing a platform for potentially religiously harmful personal narratives. The answer, I believe, has to do with the changing nature of religious identity in general and the increased pressures of Orthodox Jewish life in particular that have, in turn, made it easier for those within our community to feel like failures. In terms of the latter, I have often bemoaned the fact that particularly within the Orthodox community there is a “Bermuda Triangle” of sorts that has been snaring many of our yeshivah and day school graduates. As we transition from the institutional auspices of the schools and yeshivas that have guided us during our first two decades, and go on to build independent religious lives of our own design, we are losing travelers in this proverbial Bermuda Triangle. There are three points to this triangle—marriage,
Our institutions cannot just welcome ascending narratives, because many feel their story is either oscillating or descending and such people deserve the dignity of a communal space as well. religion and career. There is a sense in the Orthodox community that by the time men and women are in their early twenties, they should have their romantic, religious and career lives figured out. This ideal, however noble, places a lot of stress on college students and makes the pressures of navigating a healthy identity in the Orthodox community far more challenging. Our young adults aren’t oblivious to the conversations they overhear about the expectations of paying tuition, the anxious tone with which we discuss older singles, the whispered references to camp counselors they once admired who have since left the Orthodox community. As we mobilize communal efforts to deal with our shared systemic crises, individuals are left bereft wondering if they are heading into the breach. Falling short of high communal expectations in these areas can easily cultivate a premature sense of failure in students. The Laws of Repentance don’t directly address such contemporary angst. Many students are not necessarily struggling with an act of sin that requires teshuvah, but with an overarching sense of being a failure. They are grappling with their relationship to a community that is at once both a source of comfort and concern. It is the place in which they seek to find validation, while at the same time it can be the very root of their pain. One remedy, however, is listening to others grapple with the weight of their aspirations. Irvin Yalom, a psychologist who is a prolific novelist, wrote, “Even though you’re alone in your boat, it’s always comforting to see the lights of the other boats bobbing nearby.” Everyone needs to find his or her own path in negotiating communal
expectations, but hearing others tell their stories is a potent reminder that you’re not alone in your journey. Another development that this course addresses—that perhaps a class focused on teshuvah could not—is the growth of online communities that have provided newfound means of connection for those who otherwise have not found validation within their own communities. Whereas two decades ago religious frustrations and failure needed to be shared in hushed tones while carefully gauging if one’s interlocutor was indeed like-minded, nowadays a myriad of Facebook and WhatsApp groups have appeared that provide a sense of community when our Torah institutions are unable to do so. Years ago, someone struggling with the trajectory of his own story had few addresses to share his concerns and anxieties; today, any aching concern or theological dilemma can be posed to an online universe. In the nineties, a New Yorker cartoon famously depicted a dog surfing the Internet who turns to his fellow canine and says, “On the Internet, nobody knows you’re a dog.” I’m afraid that nowadays the only place people feel comfortable being a dog [i.e., their true self] is online. What was once a place of reclusive anonymity has, for many, become their true source of community. Far from being critical of such online communities, we should ensure that our own institutions provide similar havens of emphatic honesty and constructive catharsis that would otherwise only be found online. Neon Entrance Signs In a 2018 blog post for the New York Jewish Week, Gerald Skolnick, the Spring 5779/2019 JEWISH ACTION
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Conservative rabbi of the Forest Hills Jewish Center in Queens, New York, made a powerful plea for the development of Jewish institutions that would be more welcoming places to share feelings of failure and inadequacy. Contrasting the environment inside of shuls to that inside of churches, he wrote: For whatever reason, everything from their hymns to their liturgy to their theology encourages Christians to understand church as a place to go to when you feel less than whole. I know that’s a broad generalization, and the church world is not without its fair share of alienated Christians. But the point remains valid. It’s not an accident that there are so many AA chapters in churches. The synagogue world, by and large, has done a much less than adequate job of selling that idea within its ranks. A synagogue is more often a place to be avoided when you’re feeling broken, when you’re feeling in disrepair, when your family isn’t what you would like
it to be and you don’t represent some paradigm of perfection. You walk in and people ask how your kids are, how many children do they have, where are they at school, where are they working, and all of these kinds of probing questions. And if you can’t give the answers that represent the very model of a successful thriving family, people tend to come across as judgmental, even when they don’t mean to. Our self-image as a community is one where, to borrow Garrison Keillor’s famous sardonic comment on Lake Wobegon, “all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.” It’s one of our big problems, among many. You are welcome to disagree with the portrait the writer paints, but it is the perception of many. There was a time in my life I shared this sentiment. I was twenty-nine when I got married and the place I wanted to avoid most during my single years was shul. Irrespective of whichever point of our community’s Bermuda Triangle a young person may be dealing with,
we need to do a better job of ensuring that his or her unfulfilled aspirations do not metastasize into feelings of failure. Whether it is a classroom, shul, yeshivah or day school, we need more spaces that welcome different narrative arcs. Our institutions cannot just welcome ascending narratives, because many feel their story is either oscillating or descending and such people deserve the dignity of a communal space as well. To be sure, our institutions need not condone or validate anything less than our loftiest communal ideals, but they must at the same time find a way to humanize those who aspire but have not yet obtained their goals. For fire safety, most buildings require neon exit signs. Our communal institutions need brighter entrance signs. My class may be one example of such an entrance, as we create a small community collectively finding nobility in our struggles. But as we develop more classrooms, schools and shuls, I hope our entrances continue to outshine our exits.
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JEWISH LAW
Direct-to-Consumer DNA Testing WHAT DOES HALACHAH SAY? By John D. Loike, Moshe Tendler and Ira Bedzow
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ith the recent boom in direct-to-consumer (DTC) DNA testing, more than thirty million individuals have taken the test. Until recently, these tests were done primarily to explore the general ancestry origin of the consumer. Many people want to know from which regions of the world their parents or grandparents hail, whether it be Eastern Europe or the Middle East. There are dozens of examples of DNA testing
resulting in the identification of lost close family members . . . or even criminals. But to say with certainty that you are 80 percent Eastern European (Ashkenazi), 4 percent Irish or 12 percent Scandinavian is based on limited scientific data. It is important to recognize that genetics is a probabilistic science and we have a lot more to learn about it. In the past few years, companies began to expand the use of DTC DNA
testing beyond providing general ancestry information. For example, with the approval of the US Food and Drug Administration (FDA), a company called 23andMe now informs customers of potential genetic relatives, as well as a whole suite of genetic mutations that may lead to ill health. 23andMe also offers to provide information about recessive genetic variants of diseases that may not affect an individual’s health but could affect the health of his or her children. Other companies, such as Vitagene and TeloYears, use DNA testing to assess a person’s so-called longevity potential. TeloYears measures certain DNA sequences (i.e., telomere length) in blood cells to help a person assess how long he or she is likely to live. Vitagene claims that its DNA testing will help individuals choose which vitamins are most appropriate for their bodies, and even sells a personalized “optimum” vitamin regimen for $79 per month. Helix uses DNA testing to inform their clients of their athletic abilities and recommends personalized Spring 5779/2019 JEWISH ACTION
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nutrition and sleep regimens to get into optimal shape. Other companies advertise that their DNA testing will better educate consumers as to what type of diet or lifestyle they should follow to achieve their weight loss goals. These companies claim that awareness of genetic predisposition to disease motivates people to take preventive action to improve their health. What level of reliance can one have on commercial DNA testing? There is a big difference between the authenticity of DNA results obtained from certified genetic testing centers and the reports created by DTC genetic testing companies. On the face of it, the medical and genetic information provided by commercial companies demonstrates a lack of professional accountability. For example, 23andMe only tests for three of the most common BRCA mutations associated with an increased risk of getting breast cancer. In fact, there are almost 1,000 BRCA mutations that need to be assayed in order to provide an accurate assessment of the risk for developing breast or ovarian cancers. In addition, not all of these BRCA mutations are deleterious because there may be other gene variants that an individual can carry that may mitigate the risk of cancer. Since the consumer has a limited understanding of genetic testing and its practical ramifications, these over-the-counter tests can lead one to make serious mistakes. Dr. John Loike is professor of biology at Touro College and University System and writes a monthly column on the frontiers of bioethics for The Scientist Magazine. Rabbi Moshe Tendler is a rosh yeshivah at Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary (RIETS), the Rabbi Isaac and Bella Tendler Professor of Jewish Medical Ethics and a professor of biology at Yeshiva University. Ira Bedzow is assistant professor of medicine and director of the biomedical ethics and humanities program at New York Medical College, and senior scholar of the Aspen Center for Social Values.
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Revealing markers for potential genetic diseases in the absence of a genetic counselor poses serious psychological and medical problems. If a customer is told she has no genetic markers for breast cancer, this does not mean that she has no risk at all. Yet, this information may lead a woman to forgo recommended cancer testing, such as mammograms, as she ages. To avoid liability, testing companies such as 23andMe make it clear that their data should not be used for medical diagnoses. Yet, this disclosure automatically limits the reliability of the information which they present, for the purpose of acting on their dietary, health and medical suggestions. Privacy of consumers’ information is another issue which one should be aware of before giving a biospecimen to a DTC genetic testing company. Even when privacy disclosure forms are clear, which is often not the case, they are long and difficult to read. The result is that one may unsuspectingly be providing personal information to health researchers or to biotech companies; it is now becoming clear that several of these companies share their DNA information with major pharmaceutical firms. One might also be unwittingly making one’s personal information public to be used for the purposes of law enforcement or other interests. Although federal regulations attempt to protect genetic privacy and prevent information from being used in discriminatory ways, the law lags behind new, innovative abuses of people’s privacy. Halachic Ramifications of DNA Testing In halachah, one may not depend on a siman like a scientific sign (even one that has strong evidentiary reliability, such as DNA), unless there is also a reliable witness. The ruling in the Shulchan Aruch regarding the reliability of testimony when the evidence presented is strong is as follows: “If [two people] found him . . . and if they identified extremely reliable signs (simanim muvhakim) on his body, they may testify to his death.”1 In his gloss, Rabbi Moshe Isserles adds, “Any identification sign which is
acceptable from an Israelite witness is similarly acceptable from a non-Jew who is conversing innocently (masiach lefi tumo).”2 This ruling implies that the reliability of the evidentiary sign is necessary but insufficient—the witnesses who testify regarding the identity of the person must also be reliable. The reliability of a non-Jew as a witness is based on the presumption that he or she has nothing to gain through misrepresentation. Reliable testimony can also be expected from a person whose professional reputation would be damaged if his testimony is inaccurate. For example, Rabbi Karo rules, “If a non-permissible food item that was mixed with a permissible item that is not of its type . . . a non-Jew should taste it; if he says that it has no fat (chelev) taste or if he says that it has taste but the taste is bad (pagum), it is permitted. The non-Jewish witness must not be aware that he is being depended upon as a witness.”3 Regarding the information provided by DTC genetic testing companies, one must take into account the ad hominem criterion when considering their reliability, i.e., whether they have any legal liability if their reports are inaccurate. For example, they inform a consumer that she is carrying a cancer gene and she proceeds to have a prophylactic mastectomy. Subsequently she discoveres that she does not, in fact, carry that cancer gene. Is the genetic testing company legally liable for presenting misinformation? With respect to situations where DTC genetic testing companies provide personalized dietary and other regimens, their reliability is suspect. This is because they have a vested interest in the information they are providing. For example, a DTC genetic testing company might offer to provide one with a customized daily diet or vitamins to lose weight based upon that individual’s genetic information. GlaxoSmithKline bought a $300 million stake in 23andMe in 2018, contingent on access to some of the testing company’s data. The data that 23andMe shares with GlaxoSmithKline is supposed to be anonymous. Halachah recognizes that one can believe a
person with a vested interest if the negative consequences of lying are worse than the benefit gained.4 This principle generally applies to medical professionals, such as physicians, who take their fiduciary responsibilities to their patients very seriously and where malpractice laws are firmly enforced.5 Commercial DNA testing companies, however, do not have a fiduciary responsibility to their customers. When it comes to matters related to yichus, this is a question that must be weighed carefully, given the verifiability of the evidence and the gravity of the consequences. Mitochondrial DNA, the genetic material present in cellular bodies called mitochondria, is inherited exclusively from one’s mother. There is now data showing that the maternally transmitted mitochondrial genetic markers K1a1b1a, K1a9, K2a2a and N1b are common among Ashkenazi Jews, but rarely seen in anyone else. Common Jewish markers located on the Y-chromosome include J (and its subgroups) and E1b1b. Possessing one of these genetic markers may be a reliable indicator of Jewish ancestry according to several rabbinical experts in Israel. Even the Knesset is considering legislation for using these markers as indicators of Jewishness.6 But using DTC genetic testing to provide consumers with their possible Jewish lineage is problematic for several reasons. First, DTC genetic testing companies do not engage in extensive mitochondrial DNA testing, thus rendering their ancestry conclusions halachically invalid. Furthermore, any revelation of potential fathers or mothers who appear to be not Jewish is again halachically questionable, because of DTC genetic companies’ lack of scientific accuracy and the principle that we don’t use DNA to render a person a mamzer. Hence, while there is no halachic prohibition to submit to commercial genetic testing, the ethical and halachic ramifications that arise limit its use. Discovering unknown relatives or alleged paternity relationships using genetic testing has no significance halachically. Similarly, discovering that your ancestry does not originate in countries where, historically, large
Illustration: Glasbergen Cartoon Service
populations of Jews lived, does not invalidate your Jewish status or yichus. The complexity of genetics and its relationship to halachic identity and disease risks poses a legal, halachic and ethical challenge in the reliance on DTC genetic-testing companies for accurate information. Genetic testing with respect to general ancestry might be interesting to some but also has the potential to give people medical information that causes more damage than benefit. In summary, genetic testing for the purpose of health requires genetic counseling and education, both prior to performing the tests and after receiving the results. As such, any serious DNA testing for health issues must be done by clinically certified laboratories where professional genetic counselors provide the results to the consumer. Halachah is very sensitive to the psychological stigmas and stresses that medical and genetic information can elicit. The possibility that such information may impact future marriages and create psychological stresses are valid reasons why Jews without a family history of genetic diseases should not use commercial DNA tests. Therefore, both the rabbinical community and the FDA should warn the public of the potential harm in using these DNA tests for medical purposes. People should also be fully aware of the ramifications of using even non-medical
information for knowledge of their own and others’ personal lineage. The acquisition of personal knowledge can often feel powerful. However, the acquisition of DNA information by the uneducated consumer can lead to misinformation and erroneous decisions. In the US, we have a wonderful professional community of genetic counselors that can guide consumers with regard to their genetic backgrounds and profiles. These counselors are more expensive to employ but much more reliable than commercial DNA testing companies. Notes 1. Shulchan Aruch, Even Haezer 17:24. 2. Ibid. 3. Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh Deah 98:1. See, however, Rabbi Isserles’ comment, “It is not done today to trust a non-Jew, and we measure against sixty.” 4. Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh Deah 114:5. 5. This speaks to the integrity of the physician, yet it does not mean that one should comply with a physician’s recommendations, especially if he disregards halachah. Regarding the validity of a physician’s diagnoses and recommendations vis-à-vis halachah, see Rabbi Yitzchok Zilberstein, Shiurei Torah L’Rofim, vol. 4, p. 343-4. 6. www.jpost.com/Israel-News/PoliticsAnd-Diplomacy/New-law-says-genetic-test-valid-for-determining-Jewish-status-in-some-cases-506584. Spring 5779/2019 JEWISH ACTION
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By Jonathan Schwartz
IN THE
Reclaiming happiness digital age
TECHNOLOGY
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here are you in the world?” remind my children and congregants I grew up hearing the how important it is to ask themselves principal of my elementary that question and, even more school constantly remind us that significantly, to have the answer to it. the most important thing in life we How different a world forty years needed to know was the answer to that makes! Today, terrific technological question. Rabbi Dr. Armin Friedman advancements allow us to consult with was a premier principal who, through experts face to face anywhere in the his vast life experience and expert world. I can joke with a colleague in Torah educational expertise, drilled Australia for whom it is already the the many generations of his students next day about what I can expect in the at the Hebrew Academy of Long Beach “near future.” My children in New Jersey (HALB) in New York to be aware of share quality FaceTime with their where we were in the present and to grandparents in Ohio or Yerushalayim live it fully. Over forty years later, I still and an active WhatsApp “cousins Rabbi Jonathan Schwartz, PsyD, is the rav of Congregation Adath Israel of the Jewish Educational Center (JEC) in Elizabeth/Hillside, New Jersey, and the clinical director of the Center for Anxiety Relief in Union, New Jersey, where he specializes in the treatment of anxiety disorders and OCD. He has lectured extensively, especially in the areas of the intersection of Judaism, psychology and mental health.
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chat” spanning four states and two countries. With a tap on a cell phone app, I can quickly be transported back in time and listen to the shiurim of Rabbi Joseph B. Soloveitchik, Rabbi Pinchas Teitz or Rabbi Shmuel Rozovsky or the derashot of Rabbi Shalom Schwadron, zichronam l’vrachah, as if I were sitting in the beit midrash with them. Could Rabbi Friedman’s message still be relevant today when, thanks to technology, time and place seem irrelevant? With all of the possibilities of when and where to be in the world, one would assume everything would be great. Yet, it is shocking to discover that our kids are actually more anxious and less happy, and they are generally experiencing less psychological well-being than in the past. A study of over 1.1 million adolescents in the United States discovered that
FOMO is often the reason that some text while driving, because the possibility of a social connection is more important than one’s own life. this decrease is positively correlated to overall time on electronic communication and screens (e.g., social media, the Internet, texting, gaming). In addition, the years during which subjects spent more time on electronic communication were also the years they found themselves most unhappy. This study’s findings apply to both the group as a whole and to each individual as well.1 But how exactly does this happen? What is it about technology that allows it to wreak chaos on our mental states? FOMO One answer is FOMO, which stands for “fear of missing out.” FOMO, as defined by the Oxford Dictionary of English, is “the uneasiness and sometimes all-consuming feeling that you are missing out—that your peers are doing, in the know about, or in possession of, something better than you.” FOMO is often the reason that some text while driving, because the possibility of a social connection is more important than one’s own life. It is the reason people check their Twitter streams during a date or an important meeting and mindlessly check WhatsApp during chazarat hashatz—we worry that if we do not respond right away, we may miss an opportunity to connect to something more interesting or entertaining. The FOMO effect on teens and young adults in particular is scary. The pressure to stay up late into the night in bed monitoring a myriad of social media connections, or the urge to check them first thing in the morning, certainly contributes to the toll FOMO and social media in general are taking on our kids. Teens tend to believe that they need to be
available 24/6 (and sadly, sometimes 24/7) to their friends. That “always on” culture has created unreasonable expectations in our younger generation such that their attention, time and mental energy must be constantly attuned to digital communication. This trend is creeping quickly into the standard culture of adulthood as well. Today there is almost a presumption that rapid responses to e-mails, texts and posts are a customary norm in the workplace and adult society in general too.2 In fact, studies seem to suggest that the average adult spends up to five hours a day on a computer or smartphone connecting through social activities. That is a full seventy-six days of the year! Teens can spend even more time online. However, do not confuse rapid with qualitative when evaluating these responses. The studies show that the mere presence of a smartphone reduces one’s cognitive capacity3 and makes the quality of the work produced inferior. After all, with the global community as accessible as it is, when is one supposed to get downtime to rest, recharge and contemplate one’s own perspective of the world around him? Not only does FOMO distort where we are in the world, devaluing it and making it a pressured environment, FOMO also distorts everyone else’s experiences and where they are as well. Our relationships with our social media “connections,” “links” and “friends” are distorted by the fake persona they present. Generally, people tend to post the moments of their lives that are positive, exciting, and glamorous, and anything else others will like. In other words, the social media world is one that contains only the cherry-picked perfect aspects
of people living their best. After all, who wants to read depressing status updates? But if that is the case, then the social media relationship we think we share is not real but idealized, with the occasional misery sprinkled in to create the impression that we are “keeping it real.” Social media feeds into our own feelings of insecurity, regret and ambivalence about ourselves in comparison to others who, frankly, do not exist. What kind of relationship is that? Another danger that FOMO raises in the minds of psychologists and digital media experts is its propensity toward addictive behavior. The makers of social network technologies are benefiting from our impulse control problem—our inability to control the impulse to check our networks. The more one checks Facebook, the more Facebook gets to show you more ads and make more money. One might even suggest that social media networks seize on our FOMO, as they use psychological tricks for us to develop a craving for the instantaneous highs that come from “likes” and comments.4, 5 In fact, responding to dings, banners and other notification alerts have been shown to be very similar to the effects of casino slot machines.6 It is no surprise that neuroimaging studies have shown that Internet addiction shows similar increases in activity in brain regions associated with substance-related addictions.7 As a society, this trend is incredibly alarming. The striking similarity between FOMO and addiction includes the distorted perception of reality in both conditions. In the same way that the alcoholic loses his perception of reality as he becomes more dependent on alcohol, the individual with FOMO becomes oblivious to the reality around himself. He leaves the real world and becomes dependent on one that only exists in cyberspace, where the commodities of value are thumbs-up and likes and positive
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Healthy Tech Habits for Kids By Eli Shapiro Have a set time when devices (cell phones, iPads, tablets and the like) must be off and out of reach. Go dark for dinner. Have a central charging station where teens have to leave their phones and iPads to charge overnight. This is one of the best ways to combat both sleep deprivation and late-night texting. Set the tone in your house that technology use is a public activity–this includes a policy that requires doors to bedrooms to be open while technology is being used. This creates an environment of open communication. Have clear rules and guidelines on technology use in and out of the home. Utilize the parental control options on your child’s devices. Model the behaviors you want to instill in your child. Above all, have a dialogue with your child about both your and his technology habits. Dr. Eli Shapiro is a licensed clinical social worker with a doctorate in education. He is a noted writer, thinker and sought-after speaker on social and communal issues. Dr. Shapiro is the creator of The Digital Citizenship Project, which teaches healthy and responsible use of technology.
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comments from friends who feed our addictive craving for social connection but cannot do so fast enough. Thus, in order to stave off the crushing distress from the craving for more social recognition, the individual spends more and more time on social media networks, losing not only who he is but also a sense of which world is reality. Some have argued that as with addiction, total abstinence is the only solution. However, it is hard to dismiss the conveniences of the communication, organization, information retrieval and productivity advancements that we benefit from because of the ease of smartphone and social media networking. Business,8 industry, education and health care all credit the role these technological advances play.9,10 Their existence and use is considered “progress” and “socially acceptable.” Thus, it becomes important for us to be able to deal with the negative effects associated with these technological advancements, while still being able to benefit from them. The question is how. A Potential Solution: The Hillel Approach The Gemara (Sukkah 53a) quotes the great Tanna Hillel, who offers a timeless piece of advice for combating FOMO in particular and resetting life goals in general: . . . It is said about Hillel the Elder that when he was celebrating at the Simchat Beit Hashoevah he used to declare: “If I am here, everything is here. If I am not here, who is here?” He would also say, “to the place that I love, that is where my feet will take me. . . .” In many ways, Hillel’s riddle provides a great framework for overcoming FOMO. IF I AM . . . Be discerning and practice gratitude Rabbi Shmuel Rozovsky (Notes to Sanhedrin 106) explains that the “I” of a person is his own personal ideas and opinions. Rabbi Avraham Yitzchak HaKohen Kook (Olat Re’iyah) adds that the definition of an “I” (the “Ani”)
refers to the unique living spirit that exists within each person. When attempting to combat the effects of FOMO, one needs to recognize the most important tool he has in his arsenal—himself. By being true to oneself and one’s own sense of what is important, one will be able to distinguish the things that do not deepen the quality of his life experience and will be more willing to say “no” to those things. One can then focus on that which enhances the quality, rather than the quantity, of life’s experiences. Rabbi Kook adds that the “I” of a person grows spiritually as it fills with a sense of hakarat hatov (gratitude). Cultivating an attitude of gratitude can be a positive weapon in counteracting the effects of FOMO and the pursuit of false fantasies. Studies show that gratitude predicts a higher GPA in students, higher life satisfaction, better social integration and lower rates of depression and envy. Cultivating gratitude allows us to appreciate what we have instead of focusing on what we don’t. Gratitude helps us count the berachot we receive from Hashem right now, where we are in the world. On a practical level, it is beneficial to have a gratitude exercise. Take a berachot challenge to see if you are aware of 100 different berachot you recite each day. During meals—especially those on Shabbat, families can have everyone go around and list something they’re thankful for. This simple practice has been known to have a major effect on overall life satisfaction. . . . HERE . . . Be mindful and present Rather than chasing after an illusion of happiness, we can strive for the deep satisfaction that comes along with the cultivation of mindfulness—the practice of being present in our lives. Savor the moment rather than rush forward to the next thrill. Really smell the coffee (or the roses) and appreciate the aroma. Take a simple activity from time to time, like eating a watermelon, and enjoy each bite by using the different senses of sight, smell, taste and touch to practice appreciating
the sensory delights in our daily lives. This process helps us stay present in our world together, rather than alone in the world of “what would have been.” When we become accustomed to heightened senses, our brains become too busy to be thinking about what others are doing on Facebook. . . . EVERYTHING (AND EVERYONE) IS HERE: Set boundaries and time for use Do you ever get the feeling that your leg is vibrating with a smartphone notification reminder even though it is Shabbat and the vibration is a phantom feeling? Did you know that there is even a term for the fear of being without your cell phone? (It is called nomophobia, by the way.) Both situations are distracting and keep us from being attentive to our life activities. Our happiness is determined by how we choose to allocate our attention; being able to limit the times we are on the Internet
will help keep us engaged with those whom we are with right now. Lest you think this will make you unsuccessful, know that both Bill Gates and Steve Jobs, two of the people most famously associated with technological advancement, raised their children with serious limits on their Internet, social media and gaming access. Both recognized that their children needed to be fully present if they were going to be able to be successful. In fact, Jobs noted the value of being fully present in productivity in general: “There’s a temptation in our networked age to think that ideas can be developed by e-mail and iChat. That’s crazy. Creativity comes from spontaneous meetings, from random discussions.” Our kids learn from what they see, and when they see us constantly checking our e-mails and Instagram, they learn to do the same. Carving out times and places that are “no-phone zones” helps create a culture where our families learn that face-to-face
interactions are more valuable than the goings-on of others. A dinner or breakfast table that is Internet-free is one where parents and children can interact and grow together. And if we can use tech-free zones to overcome distractions at home, imagine the positive effect such zones can have in a place where focus is especially challenging—in shul. As Rabbi Steven Pruzansky, mara d’atra of Bnai Yeshurun in Teaneck, New Jersey, noted: “It is no secret that we all struggle with kavanah in davening. The last thing we need is a tool that is designed to distract us [from being] present and active during davening, time during which we are supposed to focus on our relationship with God. Yet, too often, the mere presence of the phone has enticed holders to check their e-mails, respond to texts, read the paper or even [I was once told] play Scrabble during pesukei d’zimra, chazarat hashatz and other times during davening. It is as much
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• Vocalized Rashi commentary in newly digitized font Spring 5779/2019 JEWISH ACTION
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a desecration of the shul as it is a squandering of the precious time we have to stand before God in prayer.” Rabbi Pruzansky and his shul took the courageous step of banning cell phones from the sanctuaries and encouraging people to leave them outside of the shul during davening. The effects, at least so far, have proved encouraging. After all, where is it more important to be aware of where you are in the world than when you are standing in front of Hashem?
What is it about technology that allows it to wreak chaos on our mental states?
IF I AM NOT HERE, WHO IS HERE? Prioritizing relationships over acquisitions It is generally understood that quality relationships trump the quantity of what we own or experience. It is reported that in today’s digitally connected world, we have created students and adults who are lonely in crowds and have trouble relating to one another in person because they have replaced authentic relationships with virtual friendships. Pirkei Avot (1:6) reminds us that acquiring a friend is an investment that begins with us first. Investing time and energy in relationships and working on the skills that they require may be one of the best antidotes to the loneliness that is FOMO. Make time in your schedule to undertake regular spiritual and social-building activities. You cannot imagine the benefits of a regular shiur, chavruta or Torah mate, and the personal good born from a joint social chesed activity. The social effects alone will take you far.
the experience of full immersion in one of these life opportunities—the feeling of accomplishment, connection, fun, self-respect or freedom—instead of merely checking off that one has “been there” or “got that” object or attainment, that helps us distinguish what we find fulfilling from that which yields only a temporary feeling of pleasure. Remember the first paycheck you ever worked for? That money was much more satisfying to you than had the same amount been handed to you as a gift. You can probably remember how you enjoyed spending it. Having the ability to be present in the joy of an experience makes each moment count, and refocuses an individual to where he loves to be. Moreover, when working on savoring one’s experiences, it is important to avoid multitasking. When people try to apply themselves to too many activities at once, they are not TO THE PLACE THAT I LOVE, usually successful. When they focus THAT IS WHERE MY FEET WILL TAKE ME: on a single task, especially one of Take experiences [and not just your their choosing, not only are they more Facebook status] one step at a time likely to produce a better result but their level of satisfaction is higher. There are always going to be A timeless Torah speaks not only opportunities to create experiences in the past, but remains relevant to that are life-enhancing. The Netziv solving the challenges of the present (Harchev Davar, Shemot 5:3) notes that and the future. Considering and it is incumbent upon us to take these knowing where we are in the world opportunities and use them as a means to connect to Hashem. This is achieved, and where we want and love to go will help us overcome technological he explains, by having the ability to challenges, transforming new be fully present in our experiences technology into better opportunity. with mind, body and soul. For it is 72
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Notes 1. J. Twenge, G. Martin and K. Campbell, “Decreases in Psychological Well-Being among American Adolescents after 2012 and Links to Screen Time during the Rise of Smartphone Technology,” Emotion 18, no. 6 (2018), 765-780. 2. S. Turkle, “Always-On/Always-On-You: The Tethered Self ” in Handbook of Mobile Communication Studies, ed. J. E. Katz (Cambridge [Massachusetts], 2008), 121-137. 3. A. F. Ward, K. Duke, A. Gneezy and M. W. Bos, “Brain Drain: The Mere Presence of One’s Own Smartphone Reduces Available Cognitive Capacity,” Journal of the Association for Consumer Research 2, no. 2 (2017), 140-154. 4. A. Alter, Irresistible: The Rise of Addictive Technology and the Business of Keeping Us Hooked (New York, 2017). 5. P. Lewis, “Our Minds Can be Hijacked: The Tech Insiders Who Fear a Smartphone Dystopia,” The Guardian [weekend edition] (7 October 2017), 24, www.theguardian.com/technology/2017/ oct/05/smartphone-addiction-silicon-valley-dystopia. 6. J. M. Twenge, “Have Smartphones Destroyed a Generation?” The Atlantic (September 2017), www.theatlantic. com/magazine/archive/2017/09/ has-the-smartphone-destroyed-ageneration/534198/. 7. D. J. Kuss and M. D. Griffiths, “Internet and Gaming Addiction: A Systematic Literature Review of Neuroimaging Studies,” Brain Science 2, no. 3 (2012), 347. 8. C. C. Cheston, T. E. Flickinger and M. S. Chisolm, “Social Media Use in Medical Education: A Systematic Review,” Academic Medicine 88, no. 6 (2013), 893-901. 9. J. Gikas and M. M. Grant, “Mobile Computing Devices in Higher Education: Student Perspectives on Learning with Cellphones, Smartphones & Social Media,” The Internet in Higher Education 19 (2013), 18-26. 10. F.J. Grajales III, S. Sheps, K. Ho, H. Novak-Lauscher and G. Eysenbach, “Social Media: A Review and Tutorial of Applications in Medicine and Health Care,” Journal of Medical Internet Research 16, no. 2 (2014), e13.
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JUST BETWEEN US
Jewish Action seeks to provide a forum for a diversity of legitimate opinions within the spectrum of Orthodox Judaism. Therefore, opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect the policy or opinion of the Orthodox Union.
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rs. Shoshana Reiss1 called my office in a panic. Her twenty-two-year old daughter Adina had recently begun dating Simcha, a wonderful and kindhearted young man. Things were off to a great start and Adina was already thinking about the next step, but on the fourth date Simcha dropped a bomb: He disclosed that he suffers from obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), for which he receives both regular psychotherapy and medication. As Mrs. Reiss spoke with my patient care coordinator, her fears started to settle, but she had a number of serious questions, such as: Is Adina signing up for a life of turmoil by getting married to Simcha? Will he be able to take care of her, despite his OCD? How will Simcha handle the inherent stressors of Orthodox Jewish family life, such as raising children and the financial demands of paying tuition? Will his children inherit a genetic risk for OCD? What should Adina do? Should she call it off? As a mental health professional who works within the Orthodox community, I receive these and other questions very frequently. This is no surprise, considering the high base rates of mental health concerns. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, nearly one in five American adults suffers from a full-blown anxiety disorder in every given year, and more than two in five will experience an anxiety disorder at some point over their lifespan. Of these cases, more than one in five can be classified as severe, meaning that the symptoms lead to a substantial impact on functioning and/or suicidality. And that’s just anxiety. If we add mood disorders (e.g., depression), obsessive-compulsive and related disorders, psychotic disorders,
Dating with a Mental Disorder A PSYCHOLOGIST SPEAKS OPENLY ABOUT THE CHALLENGES By David H. Rosmarin
David H. Rosmarin, PhD, ABPP is an assistant professor in the Department of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. He is also the founder and director of the Center for Anxiety (Manhattan, Brooklyn, Monsey). Dr. Rosmarin is a board-certified clinical psychologist and a prolific researcher, having authored seventy peer-reviewed manuscripts and over 100 abstracts, predominantly on the topic of spirituality and mental health. The author would like to thank Rabbi Naftoly Bier, Rabbi Leib (Lawrence) Kelemen, Dr. Perella Perlstein and Aliza Shapiro MSW for their review and comments on earlier drafts of this article.
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substance use and other disorders, the yearly base rates climb close to 50 percent. Granted, those figures are for the general population and not Orthodox Jews, and some data seems to suggest that our community fares somewhat better in terms of mental health. For example, in a recent study I conducted with my close colleague Dr. Steven Pirutinsky with over 400 Jewish adults from the United States and Canada, 21 percent of Orthodox Jews2 were taking psychiatric medications versus 29 percent of individuals outside the community.3 Nevertheless, rates of mental disorders are alarmingly high, both in terms of prevalence and severity. Most people know that mental disorders can create “significant
disorders to become debilitating, while simultaneously generating higher stakes for many people. Orthodox Jews depend on each other, so when an individual suffers, his family and community suffer as well. Therefore, it makes a lot of sense that many Orthodox Jews are asking questions about dating with mental disorders. Mental health issues are abundant, and they can impact family functioning. As such, people rightfully want to know: Can individuals with mental disorders have happy and fulfilling family lives according to conventional Orthodox Jewish standards? Are mental disorders preventable? When they do occur, are they treatable? How common is relapse after successful
While a supportive family can be one of the most important psychosocial buffers against mental disorders, Orthodox Jewish family life is inherently hectic and often stressful. distress and impairment” for those who suffer. The ubiquitous Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), the American Psychiatric Association’s bible of psychopathology, tells us so. But what is discussed far less in the (secular) scientific and clinical literature is the extent to which mental health concerns can impact family life. In any collectivistic or family-centric culture, mental disorders don’t just affect the individual but also his or her surrounding social and family systems. And the reality is that Orthodox Jewish culture is far more family-centered than general Western culture. While a supportive family can be one of the most important psychosocial buffers against mental disorders, Orthodox Jewish family life is inherently hectic and often stressful. This creates a ripe context for mental 74
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treatment? How much stress can individuals with mental disorders take before falling into old patterns? Does marrying an individual with a mental disorder create a genetic risk for future generations? Most of all: Should the Orthodox community be more vigilant about mental disorders when it comes to marriage? Should we screen out prospective candidates based on their mental health and that of their families? Should one call it off if he finds out that a prospective partner has a mental health problem? Fortunately, the past two decades have seen a substantial shift across all mental health disciplines (e.g., psychiatry, psychology, social work, counseling) towards evidence-based practice, in which clinicians ground their approaches upon empirical findings from systematic research studies, as opposed to intuition
or anecdotes. Consistent with this trend, all of the above questions have been addressed by clinical science, to varying degrees. From my vantage point, the current data suggests there are two main factors to consider when addressing issues of mental health and marriage: (1) Whether the individual can access high-quality, evidence-based care such as cognitive-behavioral or dialectical behavior therapy, and (2) Whether the individual is willing to do whatever is necessary to live the best life possible. In other words: While some mental health conditions may pose more risk to family life than others, when individuals have access to high-quality care and are willing to do whatever it takes to move forward, there is typically no major cause for concern. By contrast, even in “light” cases where people have access to care, when individuals are unwilling to acknowledge their need for help or cooperate with recommendations, the result is often a never-ending burden on family life. I will never forget Devora, a single Orthodox female in her late twenties who came to my office with such significant anxiety that she was almost homebound. Devora experienced unrelenting panic attacks, often more than five in a single day, and the last time she ran an errand for her parents at the local grocer, she felt so anxious that she was convinced she would go crazy. And so, Devora initially stopped going to supermarkets, and then she started avoiding the mall, and gradually her world got smaller and smaller because of anxiety, to the point that she could only travel to and from the school in which she worked. Needless to say, Devora’s panic was wreaking havoc on her prospects for marriage. Aside from her extreme shame and concerns that she would never find someone who woud accept her, Devora had not been on a date in over a year out of fear that she might have a panic attack and go insane. Despite her symptom severity and impairment, Devora did extremely well in treatment because she accepted her need for treatment, she was highly motivated, and she was
willing to comply with everything that was asked of her. Devora’s therapist used a behavior therapy approach called “exposure” to help her face her fears head on. Devora was encouraged to stop avoiding anxiety-provoking situations, and even to engage in activities that would cause her to have a panic attack. Devora pushed herself relentlessly through each stage of treatment, and when she had setbacks she got back on course and pushed herself again. Just six months later, Devora was not only panic-free, but fully functional in her day-to-day life. Three months later Devora started dating, and six months thereafter she was engaged to a sweet and responsible young man who accepted her just as she had hoped for. In another case, a brilliant and extremely hardworking twenty-two-year old yeshivah student named Binyomin came to my office with an even more complicated
situation. He described active perceptual distortions known as auditory hallucinations in which he would hear things that were not truly real. This seemed to be the onset of a very serious mental health condition known as schizophrenia, and so my clinical team was concerned for Binyomin’s future. However, we found him to be highly willing to accept his diagnosis and do whatever was necessary to move forward with his life. Working with Binyomin’s psychiatrist (who prescribed a low dose of an antipsychotic medication called Risperdal), as well as his parents and rosh yeshivah, we encouraged him to stop pushing himself to the brink in learning, to take regular walking breaks every single day, to remain socially engaged even when he felt like isolating, and to completely stay away from alcohol. We also taught Binyomin the basics of mindfulness meditation (which is commonly used
in cognitive-behavioral therapy) and we encouraged him to simply observe his hallucinations nonjudgmentally, and to accept them without trying to rid them from his mind. Binyomin struggled to stop pushing himself in learning, and at times his stress level waxed too high and his hallucinations increased. But over the course of a year or so, Binyomin learned to accept his hallucinations and the limits of his stress tolerance, even though this required giving up on some of his dreams. It has now been nearly three years since we first saw Binyomin, and his functioning has not been impaired by his ongoing occasional hallucinations. Given his acceptance and willingness, I have no hesitations about him getting married. In other situations, however, things have not worked out well. A few years ago, Yaakov, a married man in his mid-thirties came to my office with fairly mild OCD, as well as
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some depression. Yaakov’s wife had pressured him to go for treatment, since he was starting to avoid contact with his children due to his fears of contamination, and he would sometimes engage in handwashing compulsions prior to spending time with them. Yaakov’s clinician provided him and his wife with basic information about OCD and depression, particularly the primacy of behavior therapy (“exposure”) in treating the condition. Yaakov would need to face his obsessive fears, such as spending time with his children without decontaminating himself. We worked with Yaakov for several weeks, scaling down treatment to manageable, bite-sized chunks with low-level targets that were fully within his capabilities. But Yaakov was not willing to face the music or engage in treatment using this approach. Over the next four years, Yaakov and his wife bounced around from therapist to therapist, and from psychiatrist to psychiatrist, using all sorts of “treatments” and medications that were neither supported by evidence nor effective. In the end, his anxiety worsened to the point that he ended up in an inpatient psychiatric ward, and his divorce is now pending. The above cases are consistent with current thinking in clinical science: Treatability in mental health is largely a function of access to high-quality evidence-based care and willingness on the part of the patient to do whatever it takes to get better. Furthermore, present severity or impact of an individual’s symptoms is often a poor predictor of the future course of the disorder. Some individuals suffer severely, but their unrelenting desire to get better and willingness to comply with the demands of treatment pull them through, and they remain mentally healthy for life. By contrast, other individuals suffer with low levels of distress but experience a gradual decline over time because they refuse to acknowledge their need for help, or because they don’t have the courage and strength to do what it takes to get better. 76
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Clinical science has also taught us that while genetic explanations of mental disorders are commonly held by the general public, the empirical bases for such accounts are much lower than most believe to be the case. Briefly, few genetic risk loci have been identified for the most common concerns, including major depression, anxiety disorders, alcohol/substance use disorders, and obsessive-compulsive related disorders. Furthermore, genetic explanations are oversimplistic; the field of epigenetics has taught us that even schizophrenia and bipolar I disorder4 are not “brain diseases,” but
Avoiding all forms of emotional and behavioral concerns within marriage is unlikely in this day and age. rather they occur only when biological vulnerabilities interact with complex environmental and behavioral factors. In other words, genetic risks can be turned on or off, depending on life stressors and how one responds to such stressors. To make matters even more complicated, mental disorders are commonly misdiagnosed. For example, bipolar I is often better accounted for by bipolar II and/ or borderline personality disorder, which have poor genetic bases. Thus, while advances in genomic research are important for the field at large, there are typically more important issues to consider when it comes to marriage and family life. Taking things one step further, it’s up to each individual to decide whether he or she wishes to date
someone who has a diagnosis. But the reality is that the statistical majority of Americans experience a bona fide, full-fledged mental disorder at some point over their lifespan, and our community is not far behind. Furthermore, don’t all human beings grapple at times with common non-diagnostic issues, such as conceit, anger, passive-aggression, bossiness, social awkwardness, disorganization, and the like? Therefore, it’s clear to me that avoiding all forms of emotional and behavioral concerns within marriage is unlikely in this day and age. And so, in speaking with Mrs. Reiss, I asked her two questions: (1) Does Simcha have the financial and other resources to get high-quality, evidence-based treatment? And more importantly (2) Is Simcha willing to do whatever is necessary to make sure that his OCD doesn’t impact his relationship with Adina and their family? I noted that Simcha’s timely disclosure to Adina about his condition and the fact that he was already in treatment were likely good indicators, since they suggested that he is willing to acknowledge his issues and get the help he needs. In the end, Adina and Simcha did get married, and while their future is uncertain, one thing seems assured: Ultimately, the success of their marriage will not be determined by the presence or absence of mental disorders, but rather by their ability and courage to overcome emotional struggles. Notes 1. All names and identifying details in this article have been changed to protect privacy. 2. 19 percent of the individuals were raised Orthodox (frum from birth) and 27 percent of the individuals were raised non-Orthodox (ba’alei teshuvah). 3. It is possible that this finding indicates less willingness among Orthodox Jews to take medications vs. lower incidence of mental disorders. 4. These two disorders have higher genetic risk than other conditions.
LEGAL-EASE
“Planting” Knives to Kasher Them?
WHAT’S THE TRUTH ABOUT... By Ari Z. Zivotofsky
Misconception: A legitimate method to kasher non-kosher silverware is to “plant” it in soil for a period of time. Fact: While there are specific instances where thrusting a knife into hard soil ten times will kasher it, that does not work for other cutlery, and there is no halachic basis for leaving a knife in the soil for a long period of time. Background: I was first exposed to this practice when visiting my grandparents in Jerusalem in the 1980s and seeing silverware planted in flower pots on their porch. This practice seems to have deep roots. Rabbi Hillel Herz (1615-1690), in a discussion on kashering knives, notes (Beit Hillel, YD 10:2) that one should not plunge a knife once in the ground and then leave it there, as this doesn’t accomplish anything.1 The practice stems from a legitimate method of kashering knives. Kashering utensils is necessary because non-kosher food can adhere to the utensil or the non-kosher taste (ta’am) can be absorbed into it. When utensils are used for kosher food, they must be free of any non-kosher residue or absorption of the taste of non-kosher food that could, in turn, get absorbed into the kosher food. Reasons for2 koshering utensils include: milchig utensils used for fleishig food, utensils used for non-kosher food that are subsequently to be used for kosher food or Passover utensils that were used with chametz. In general, all of the actual tangible Rabbi Dr. Ari Z. Zivotofsky is a professor of brain science at Bar-Ilan University in Israel.
prohibited substances that adhere to the keli must be removed, and the unwanted absorbed taste eliminated. The basic principle regarding removing or destroying absorbed substances is k’bol’o kach polto—the manner in which the unwanted food was absorbed is the way to remove it. For example, the method of kashering metal utensils used directly on the fire with no liquid, such as baking pans or a barbeque grill, is libun—heating the utensil to a very high temperature (Shulchan Aruch, OC 451:4; Mishnah Berurah 451:27). This works by incinerating both the adhered and the absorbed unwanted substances (Shach, YD 121:17; cf. Mishnah Berurah 451:27). For utensils used to cook food including liquids, the method used is hagalah—the utensil is placed in boiling water that draws out the taste, which is then nullified in the water (Shulchan Aruch, OC 451:5).3 Sometimes it may be sufficient to pour boiling water on the utensil, iruy rotchim. In many cases, if the non-kosher food was cold when it contacted the utensil, the utensil merely needs to be washed with cold water (Shulchan Aruch, YD 121:1).4 The Shulchan Aruch states that kashering a knife is different from kashering other utensils and requires either libun (YD 121:7) or hagalah (OC 451:3).5 But there is also a method of kashering knives that involves sticking the knife into soil. When the Mishnah (Avodah Zarah 5:12 [75b]) enumerates kashering methods, it states that a non-kosher knife may be polished or buffed and thus rendered kosher. Commenting on this, the Gemara (ibid., 76b) mentions an alternative6 Spring 5779/2019 JEWISH ACTION
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method, ne’itzah b’karka—thrusting it into hard earth ten times. The Gemara qualifies that this method only works if the knife will be used for cold food. In other words, a non-kosher knife which is thrust into the ground ten times may be used to cut cold kosher food or a fleishig knife so treated may be used to cut cold cheese. The Rema (YD 121:7) qualifies that this should be done only as a temporary measure, but for regular use, even for cold food, the custom is to fully kasher the knife. This method is mentioned in a few different contexts in halachah. It would appear that it is not meant to expel the non-kosher taste absorbed into the knife but rather to remove surface fat (shamnunit). The hard dirt does the job of cleaning the knife, and removing all non-kosher remnants from the blade. Unlike the other kashering methods listed earlier, however, this method does not seem to remove the non-kosher taste absorbed in the utensil. However, Rabbi Yehudah
Leibish Landau of Sadigura (d. 1900; Yad Yehudah 10:3), in a tour-de-force, expounds on the possibility of ne’itzah b’karka having an effect on some or all of the absorbed taste as well. The Gemara mentions that one must thrust the blade into the earth ten times. Tosafot (Avodah Zarah 76b, s.v. ha’sakin) cites a Yerushalmi that says three thrusts but concludes that one should be careful to thrust it specifically ten times. Similarly, Rambam (Ma’achalot Assurot 17:7) and the Shulchan Aruch state ten times. The Knesset Hagedolah (Hagahot Tur, YD 121:99) quotes earlier authorities who say fewer thrusts are sufficient, but concludes with ten, and Yad Yehudah (YD 89, Perush Hakatzar:34) concludes that despite other opinions, the correct approach in his view is ten thrusts. The soil is described in our version of the Gemara as being “unworked,” but other versions of the Gemara, as well as the Shulchan Aruch, state the earth must be hard (Gra, YD 121:20), and this is understood to mean that
each thrust should be in a different spot in the soil.7 The blade must be smooth and not pitted. This method is only mentioned regarding a knife; the knife is unique that it involves both a stringency and a leniency. A chumrah associated with a knife is that it more easily acquires non-kosher matter and ta’am because of duchka d’sakina—the pressure of the [cutting] of the knife. On the other hand, because a knife can be thrust straight into the ground, the earth can serve as an abrasive cleaner for it but not for other utensils. A knife used for shechitah must be kosher and if it wasn’t kosher when it was used to slaughter an animal, the areas surrounding the animal’s neck must be scraped clean or at least washed. If one has only a non-kosher knife available to use for shechitah, this method of thrusting into the ground may be used (Shulchan Aruch, YD 10:1) and then he can slaughter the animal. There is a difference of opinion regarding how effective the method is
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and whether it applies to a recently used knife (ben yomo), or if, like hagalah, the knife must remain unused for twenty-four hours (Taz, YD 10:4). One may not use a knife that is usually used for meat to cut cheese or even to cut bread that will be eaten with cheese. This is true even if it was used only to cut cold food items (that are dairy) and it is now being used to cut cold food items (that are fleshig, or the reverse), because fatty residue adheres to the surface of a knife that is in frequent use (Nekudot HaKesef, YD 89:6). However, the Rema (YD 89:4) says it would be permitted to use the fleishig knife if it was jabbed into the hard ground ten times.8 It seems that at one point in history it might have been common, likely due to poverty, to regularly use a milchig knife for fleshing after thrusting it into the ground ten times (and the reverse as well). The Rema, however, notes that one should not use one knife for both milchig and fleshing; the custom is to have two knives, and to label them. Some people even had a third knife specifically to cut bread, which would be pareve (Aruch Hashulchan, YD 89:16). Meat that had been salted but not rinsed is not considered kosher and thus, if it is cut with a kosher knife, the Shulchan Aruch (YD 69:20) rules that the knife requires hagalah. The Rema says it suffices to thrust such a knife into the hard ground ten times. Similarly if a dairy knife was used to cut warm meat, there is a concern that fats will linger on the surface of the knife; the Rema says it can be kashered by thrusting it into hard dirt (Darkei Moshe 105:5; Rema, YD 94:7). This method is also mentioned as a means to kasher a non-kosher knife (bought from non-Jews) for cold use (Shulchan Aruch, YD 121:7).9 According to the Shulchan Aruch, a knife kashered in this manner can even be used to cut a davar charif—a “sharp” item, such as an etrog or radish (Gra, YD 121:22), although Darkei Teshuvah (YD 121:80) cites authorities who disagree with this. It seems that this method works because the abrasive nature of the hard soil serves to clean and remove the fatty sheen. An obvious question is whether
other methods of accomplishing this goal are acceptable. Rabbeinu Tam (Sefer Hayashar 790) writes that it is not specifically thrusting it into the earth but even rubbing it well on a stone suffices. The Meiri (Chullin 8b) says that merely washing or rubbing the knife with a cloth does not suffice because it does not remove old fat, but using sand or soap is equivalent to thrusting a knife into the ground. Rabbi Yosef Greenwald, the Puppa Rav (Vaya’an Yosef, YD 162), was asked if steel wool could serve the same function. He states that thrusting the knife into the soil is preferable, but otherwise he approves of using steel wood; however just as one is required to thrust the blade into a different spot in the dirt each time, the steel wool should be replaced for each of the ten rubs. It is clear that in the sources there is an unusual method of kashering knives that involves thrusting in the ground ten times. This method, ne’itzah b’karka, has few practical uses and seems to have been widely misunderstood. The folk practice of burying silverware is clearly a misapplication of this technique, and as Beit Hillel (YD 10:2) stated there is no kashrut benefit to planting cutlery that has become non-kosher. This misconception obviously developed when thrusting a knife into hard soil morphed into burying, and knives were expanded to include other utensils. Today, as most people can afford to purchase a lot of utensils and they therefore kasher much less frequently than in the past, expertise in all methods of kashering, including ne’itzah b’karka, has decreased among the laity. Notes 1. Well-known Israel novelist Yaakov Shabtai (1934–81) wrote in the short story “Adoshem” (Uncle Peretz Takes Off [1985], p. 8): “…Sometimes he [my grandfather] would burst out of his chair, grab from his [someone else’s] hand a milchik utensil that had erroneously been used for meat or vice versa, bang it on the table and the door, then rush to stick it furiously in the flowerpot on the balcony . . . On days when he was particularly harried, the whole flowerpot was planted with spoons, forks, and
knives glistening in the sun opposite the street.” This misconception also features prominently in a popular routine by comedian Buddy Hackett, in which he tries to explain to a policeman why he was burying a knife in his backyard. In an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm (Season 5 [2005] Episode 48), a religious character explains why he needs to bury a plate, and Canadian folkloirst Shelley Posen, in his 2007 album Menorah: Songs from a Jewish Life, has a poignant song called “Fork Garden,” in which his daughter discovers a “garden” of forks in her grandmother’s flower pots. 2. Not all utensils are kasherable. For example, the Gemara (Pesachim 30b) derives from Vayikra 6:21 that it is impossible to purge absorbed taste from earthenware. 3. Because hagalah works by removing and nullifying the absorbed taste, the pot with the boiling water must be sufficiently large and the item being koshered must not have been used in twenty-four hours (eino ben yomo), and it must be thoroughly cleaned. If this is not possible, such as because of rust, hagalah will not be effective (OC 451:3; Mishnah Berurah 451:22). 4. Soaking for twenty-four hours (even in cold water) has the status of “pickling” (kavush) and thus if a prohibited food item soaked in a utensil for twenty-four hours, the utensil would need to be kashered (Kaf HaChaim, YD 105:1). 5. On the reason for two different methods, see Darkei Teshuvah, YD 121:81 and Mishnah Berurah 451:19. 6. Rashi says this method is in addition to another method used; most other commentators disagree and say it is in lieu of. 7. Rabbi Alexander Sender Schor (d. 1737) suggests (Tevu’ot Shor 10:16) that because Tosafot says the ground must be hard but not too hard, and we do not have clarity regarding how hard the soil should be, this method has fallen into disuse and he suggests alternatives. 8. See Taz 89:6, 7 and Shach 89:22 for when thrusting the knife is required and in what circumstances it is efficacious. 9. I.e., this method works even for a knife that had been used regularly with hot non-kosher foods. For a one-time non-kosher use, such as slaughtering a treifah, it is sufficient to merely wash the knife in cold water (Tosafot, Chullin 8b, s.v. v’hilchata). Spring 5779/2019 JEWISH ACTION
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PASSOVER
One-Pan Wonders By Norene Gilletz
Crispy Sweet Potato Halves Baked on Parchment Courtesy of Andrea Burnett
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THE CHEF’S TABLE
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njoy these family-friendly one-pan wonders selected from Kim Kushner’s third cookbook, I Heart Kosher: Beautiful Recipes from my Kitchen (Weldon Owen)—they’re perfect for Passover or all year round. As a bonus, they’re also gluten-free!
Simple Roasted Chickens with Hasselback Potatoes Yields 6-10 servings
“Hasselback” is a term for potatoes sliced very thinly, but with the bottoms left intact, so the thin slices fan out and can easily be peeled off one slice at a time. The potatoes, alongside the beautiful golden roasted chickens, are best served hot, right out of the oven. Chicken 2 whole butterflied chickens, skin on and bone in, trimmed of excess skin and fat Kosher salt freshly ground black pepper 2 lemons, halved 2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil 2 teaspoons Roasted Garlic Paste (see following recipe) or 2 teaspoons minced fresh garlic 4 sprigs fresh thyme (thyme leaves plucked off the stem) or 1 teaspoon dried thyme Potatoes 6-10 medium to large Yukon Gold potatoes, scrubbed and dried Light olive oil Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper Preheat the oven to 375°F (190°C). Line an extra-large rimmed baking sheet (or two regular baking sheets) with parchment paper.
To prepare the chickens, season them with salt and pepper on both sides—be generous! Squeeze the lemons over the chickens, then drizzle with the extra-virgin olive oil. Rub the garlic paste and thyme on both sides of chickens. Place chickens, skin side up, on the prepared baking sheet. To prepare the Hasselback potatoes, working with one potato at a time, cut thin slits into the top of the potato from one side to the other, cutting almost but not all the way through, almost like a fan. Drizzle the light olive oil over the potatoes and season generously with salt and pepper, then use your hands to rub in the seasonings and ensure that the potatoes are completely coated with the oil, salt, and pepper. Place the potatoes, uncut side down, around the chickens on the same baking sheet. Cover the baking sheet with aluminum foil and bake in the oven for 45 minutes. Uncover and bake until both the chickens and potatoes are crispy and golden, 30 minutes longer. Serve. Make-Ahead Tip: The chickens can be marinated and stored in the fridge for up to 24 hours before cooking. Cooked chickens with potatoes can be stored in an airtight container in the fridge for up to 4 days. How to Reheat: The chickens with potatoes can be reheated, uncovered, in a 350°F (180°C) oven for 10 minutes.
Norene Gilletz, the author of twelve kosher cookbooks, is also a food writer, food manufacturer, consultant, spokesperson, cooking instructor, lecturer, cookbook editor and a podcaster. Norene lives in Toronto, Canada.
Roasted Garlic Paste Yields about ¼ cup
When you slow-roast the entire garlic bulb, the sharp flavors dissipate and emerge as a soft, deep, buttery garlic flavor. 2 garlic bulbs 2 tablespoons light olive oil 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil Preheat the oven to 425°F (220°C). Cut a thin slice from the top (the wider part) of each garlic bulb. Tear off 2 sheets of aluminum foil and place a bulb in the center of each sheet. Drizzle the bulbs with the light olive oil and wrap them in the foil. Transfer the foil-wrapped bulbs to a small baking dish or a baking sheet lined with parchment paper, cut side up. Bake in the oven until the bulbs soften, 60-75 minutes. Let cool slightly and squeeze out all of the garlic paste, using a spoon to scrape it out, into a small glass jar. Pour the extra-virgin olive oil over the roasted garlic, and store in the fridge until ready to use. Make-Ahead Tip: Roasted garlic paste can be stored in the fridge for up to 2 weeks.
Caramelized Sweet Onion Halves Baked on Parchment Yields 6-8 servings
Roasted onions as a vegetable side dish? Yes! Versatile onions are often overlooked as a root vegetable to serve solo. This technique is the same one that Kim Kushner uses for her Crispy Sweet Potato Halves (see next recipe). The result? Sweet, luscious, melt-in-your-mouth onion halves. 6 onions, yellow or red, rinsed and dried 2 tablespoons light-tasting olive oil 8 sprigs of fresh thyme or 1 tablespoon dried thyme Kosher salt Spring 5779/2019 JEWISH ACTION
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Preheat the oven to 400°F (200°C). Line 1 or 2 rimmed baking sheets with parchment paper. Cut the unpeeled onions in half lengthwise. Drizzle the oil onto the prepared baking sheet(s). Add the thyme and 2 teaspoons salt and use your fingertips to swirl all together. Rub the onion halves on all sides into the oil mixture and then place the onion halves cut-side down on the parchment paper. Bake in the oven, uncovered, for 1 hour. Serve. Make-Ahead Tip: These onions can be baked and left in an “off ” oven for up to 4 hours. How to Reheat: Reheat, uncovered, in a 350°F (180°C) oven for 10 minutes.
Crispy Sweet Potato Halves Baked on Parchment Yields 6-8 servings
After about an hour in the oven, you will literally peel the sweet potatoes off the parchment paper and be rewarded with a crispy-skinned, caramelized, golden, sticky potato. No mess, no fuss. Thank you Oz Telem, author of The Book of the Cauliflower, for this awesome technique. 8 sweet potatoes, scrubbed and dried 2 tablespoons light-tasting olive oil 8 sprigs of fresh thyme or 1 tablespoon dried thyme Kosher salt
Simple Roasted Chickens with Hasselback Potatoes Courtesy of Andrea Burnett
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Preheat the oven to 400°F (200°C). Line 1 or 2 rimmed baking sheets with parchment paper. Cut the sweet potatoes in half lengthwise. Drizzle the oil onto the prepared baking sheet(s). Add the thyme and 2 teaspoons salt and use your fingertips to swirl all together. Rub the potato halves on all sides in the oil mixture and then place the potato halves cut side down on the parchment paper. Bake in the oven, uncovered, for 1 hour. Serve.
Make-Ahead Tip: Crispy sweet potato halves baked on parchment can be baked and left in an “off ” oven for up to 4 hours. How to Reheat: Reheat, uncovered, in a 350°F (180°C) oven for 10 minutes.
Flourless Chocolate-Almond Gooey Chewy Giant Cookies Yields about 16 cookies
These are a cross between a cookie and a brownie. Feel free to swap out the almonds for your favorite nuts. 1 cup (90 g) sliced almonds 3 cups (300 g) confectioners’ sugar 3/4 cup (75 g) almond flour 1/2 cup (40 g) cocoa powder 2 teaspoons vanilla extract 4 large egg whites, at room temperature Coarse sea salt for sprinkling Preheat the oven to 325°F (165°C). Line 2 baking sheets with parchment paper. In a large bowl, stir together the almonds, sugar, almond flour, and cocoa until well combined. Add the vanilla and egg whites and use a spatula to stir thoroughly until the mixture looks chocolatey and has a firm batter consistency. Use a medium ice-cream scoop to scoop out the cookies. Place them on the prepared baking sheets 2 inches (5 cm) apart (they will spread while cooking). Sprinkle a few specks of sea salt onto the top of each cookie. Bake the cookies in the oven until the outsides appear crackly and firm while the insides are still soft to the touch, about 14 minutes. Remove from the oven, place on a rack and let cool completely, about 20 minutes. Once cooled, peel the cookies away from the parchment paper and place on a serving dish or in a container with parchment squares between each cookie to prevent sticking. Make-Ahead Tip: The cookies can be stored in an airtight container at room temperature for up to 5 days. Can I Freeze It? The cookies can be frozen (with parchment squares in between each cookie to avoid sticking), but will end up more crunchy rather than gooey. Thaw on the counter for an hour before serving.
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לקינ ּו ֵואלה ֵ ׁ ָש ַא ָּתה הוּא ה' ֱא.מודים ֲאנַ ְחנ ּו ָל ְך ִ ָמגֵ ן יִ ׁ ְשע.ּ צו ֵּרנ ּו צוּר ַח ֵ ּיינו.עולם ָו ֶעד ָ בותינ ּו ְל ֵ ֲא נודה ְ ּל ָך וּנְ ַס ּ ֵפר ְּת ִה ָ ּל ֶת ָך ע ֶ .ַא ָּתה הוּא ְלדור ָודור מותינ ּו ַה ּ ְפקוּדו ֵ על נִ ׁ ְש ַFROM ְו.ַח ֵ ּיינ ּו ַה ְּמסו ִּרים ְ ּביָ ֶד ָך ָ ְו ַעל נִ ּ ֶס.ָל ְך אות ֶ ְו ַעל נִ ְפ ְל.ּיך ׁ ֶש ְ ּב ָכל יום ִע ָּמנו RESS ָ וטובות ַה ּטוב.בקר ְו ָצ ֳה ָריִ ם ֶ ֶע ֶרב ָו.יך ׁ ֶש ְ ּב ָכל ֵעת ֶ ָ ְו ַה ְמ ַר ֵחם ִּכי לא ַת ּמ ּו ֲח ָס ֶד.יך ָ לא ָכל ּו ַר ֲח ֶמ: עולם ִק ִוּינ ּו ָ ִּכי ֵמ.יך BLESSINGS and
OU P
THANKSGIVING Reflections on the Siddur and Synagogue
This volume collects ten studies on prayer by Rabbi Joseph B. Soloveitchik, one of the most profound religious thinkers of the twentieth century, edited by Shalom Carmy and Joel B. Wolowelsky. Blessings and Thanksgiving is a significant contribution toward our understanding of the encounter between man and God as understood by a giant of Jewish thought.
And don’t miss out on more tefilla-related books from OU Press: Hilchot Tefilla by Rabbi David Brofsky
Prayers For The Welfare Of The State by Rabbi Avraham Steinberg
Yerach Tov by Rabbi Elchanan Adler
Books of Jewish Thought That Educate, Inspire, Enrich and Enlighten Available at oupress.org
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שיעורי הרב על עניני תפלה וקריאת שמע
by Rabbi Joseph B. Soloveitchik (Edited by Rabbi Menachem Genack)
INSIDEthe PROGRAMS OF THE ORTHODOX UNION
OU
Compiled and Edited by Sara Olson
HAPPENINGS
AROUND THE OU
New England Yachad Dedicates New Community Center
By Merri Ukraincik
individuals with disabilities who live on the margins of Jewish life. At the ribbon-cutting, New England Yachad Director Liz Offen hailed the new campus as “a beautiful place our members can call home.” Yachad participants couldn’t agree more.
Representatives of the New England Yachad Advisory Board cutting the ribbon to the new Yachad Community Center.
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orking to make the Greater Boston Jewish community more inclusive for individuals with disabilities, New England Yachad has spent decades breaking down walls. With the dedication of a new community center this past December, its dream of building walls has finally been realized.
The Yachad Community Center (YCC) is housed in the recently expanded
Congregation Kehillath Israel (KI) building in Brookline, Massachusetts. Renovations transformed the 100-year-old synagogue into a multi-organizational campus that is a pioneering model of inclusion. The site provides New England Yachad, which previously shared space, with staff offices and designated program areas to build on the more than 400 activities it offers annually, making it possible to reach more
“We have a big, safe new space and will have it for years to come,” says Jessica Shulman, who attends adult programs almost every day of the week. For Yachad, the YCC is a game changer. With two multi-purpose rooms, it can now run several activities at once, host large events, and open a drop-in center and lounge. It will also offer culinary and life skills classes in its kosher kitchen. New England Yachad currently serves over 350 individuals and their families. It is the fastest growing region of Yachad/The National Jewish Council for Disabilities and its second largest. Spring 5779/2019 JEWISH ACTION
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New Internships Provide Real-World Experience
This is a whole new chapter for Yachad, one of infinite possibility." —OU Executive Vice President, Allen Fagin The new Yachad Community Center in Brookline, Massachusetts, serves more than 350 individuals and their families.
Maria Benet, a member of the New England Yachad Advisory Board, takes pride in what has been an explosion of activities and participation in recent years. She also credits Yachad with enabling her sister-in-law Becky, who is in her late fifties, to develop her Jewish identity. “Becky’s life revolves around Yachad.” For six years and counting, the Ruderman Family Foundation has provided Yachad with invaluable leadership to ensure that its growth is sustainable. The foundation’s current four-year $700,000 grant has brought that collective vision to fruition in the YCC and the expansion of Yachad programming. It has also attracted funding from other partners, including a joint grant of the Nancy Lurie Marks Family Foundation/Combined Jewish Philanthropies for recreational programs serving older adults with autism and other developmental disabilities. In addition, Loren and Jamie Rosenzweig have made a generous five-year pledge to Yachad’s Capital Campaign. Reflecting on the the new building, Offen says “the YCC will enable Yachad to reach the most vulnerable among us by placing inclusion at the center of Jewish life.”
Jewish Action Brings Ideas to Life at Yarchei Kallah Focusing on some of the most impactful stories Jewish Action has covered in recent years, some 400 NCSYers engaged in lively and spirited conversations about the power of prayer, the vanishing of American Jewry and other timely, relevant topics at the recent NCSY Yarchei Kallah. The special Friday night learning event featured six concurrent sessions, each of which centered on source sheets with excerpts from the relevant Jewish Action article, as well as other sources.
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Photo: Josh Weinberg
Aiming to find and cultivate new talent, the OU’s Human Resources Department recently launched a College Internship Program that promises to provide college students with essential skills and real-life work experience. “Most people think of the OU as a social-service organization such as NCSY or Yachad, or as Kashrut. They don’t realize that we have opportunities in IT, communications, accounting, fundraising, graphic design and so many other fields,” said OU HR Manager Josh Gottesman. The highly competitive, fourteen-week course, designed to prepare interns to be part of a work team, will have participants working for individual departments at the OU while attending weekly seminars on time management, resume building, effective communication and more. The first cohort, comprised of six students from colleges including Queens, Brooklyn, Yeshiva University and Touro and selected from among sixty applicants, began the intensive program this spring. To learn more about the internship program, contact renee@ou.org.
OU Provides Safety Reflector Belts for Member Synagogues Following the tragic death of Dr. Richard Friedman, z”l, in Cedarhurst, New York, who was struck and killed by a vehicle on a foggy night in December, the OU spearheaded a safety initiative to encourage the wearing of safety reflector belts. The OU is providing reflector belts to all shuls in the OU synagogue network free of charge. More than 10,000 belts have been ordered since the initiative was first launched. With the high demand, the production of thousands of additional belts is being sponsored by Evelyn and Larry Kraut as an expression of hakarat hatov to Hakadosh Baruch Hu for Larry’s recovery after a severe spinal injury. The incident occurred when Larry was struck by an SUV as he was walking home from shul on a Friday night, which resulted in a neck injury that required hospitalization and spinal surgery.
Birthright Alumni Reunion Keeps the Flame Alive Birthright Israel participants singing during a heartfelt Havdalah ceremony at a Bring Israel Home Reunion held in Connecticut this past December. Bring Israel Home, a revolutionary Birthright Israel follow-up program run by the OU, is a 100-day challenge where participants gain points by engaging in Jewish activities (eating at a kosher restaurant, visiting a synagogue, participating in a Friday night Shabbat dinner, et cetera). Those who successfully complete the challenge get to spend a reunion weekend with the Israeli soldiers from their Birthright trip.
To order reflector belts, contact Alyson Papir at papira@ou.org.
OU Publishes New Comprehensive Guide for Kallah Teachers A new kallah training manual, Ani L’Dodi NEW! V’Dodi Li: A Kallah Teacher Guide, published by the OU’s Heshe and Harriet Seif Jewish Learning Initiative on Campus (OU-JLIC) and the Pepa and Rabbi Joseph Karasick Department of Synagogue and Community Services, is sure to become a best-seller among kallah teachers everywhere. Based on the kallah training manual provided to OU-JLIC Torah Educators on more than twenty campuses, this tastefully designed book features the halachot and hashkafot of marriage and intimacy, as well as related topics including fertility, hair covering and more. Edited by Hani Lowenstein, OU-JLIC Associate Director of Community Projects, Ani L’Dodi V’Dodi Li: A Kallah Teacher Guide is currently available as print-on-demand or as a PDF e-book on Lulu.com. Spring 5779/2019 JEWISH ACTION
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ADVOCACY WRAP UP We don’t need reports or studies nor do we need to look very far to know that children are vulnerable and need protection regardless of what school they attend." —Sam Moed, Teach NJ Chair
Teach Florida Hosts Successful Legislative Breakfast
Teach Florida Executive Board with elected officials. From left: Steven Jacoby, Senator Joe Gruters, Rep. Randy Fine, Daniel Adler, Mimi Jankovits, Rep. Byron Donalds, Dr. Allan Jacob and Rep. Jason Fischer. Photo: Andrew Duaney
In a tremendous kick-off to Teach Florida’s 2019 legislative advocacy for expanded state funding of school choice scholarships and Jewish school security, 350 community members and 30 elected officials from around the state attended Teach Florida’s Annual Legislative Breakfast in Boca Raton. State elected officials were rocked by rounds of standing applause for their $2 million allocation of Jewish schools’ security funding this year, and enthusiastically welcomed Senator Manny Diaz’s leadership on expanding school choice when he said, “We have no excuse not to fight until every student has the right to attend the school which best fits his or her needs.” Teach Florida delivered more than $21 million in state funding for school security and tax-credit scholarships, helping 2,900 Jewish children attend day school this year. Since 2011, more than $88 million in state programs has helped thousands of Jewish students receive a quality education.
Thanks to Teach NJ, State Provides Historic, Unprecedented Security Funding For Nonpublic Schools
T
his past January, thanks to the advocacy efforts of Teach NJ—a member of the OU’s Teach Coalition and New Jersey Governor Phil Murphy, surrounded by state the leading advocacy organization for New Jersey’s legislators and government officials, signs the security bill, nonpublic school children—New Jersey Governor Phil increasing the state’s allocation to $22.6 million. Murphy signed an historic bill into law that brought security funding for K-12 nonpublic schools to its highest level in the state’s history. Signed at Yeshivas Beis Hillel (YBH) in Passaic, New Jersey, the bill increases the security allocation for the state’s nonpublic schools to $22.6 million. That’s double the amount of the previous allocation, and six times the amount of the state’s allocation just three years ago. This $150 per-student funding will enable the schools to take a multitude of concrete steps, such as providing specialized security equipment and hiring more safety officers, in order to ensure students are protected from potential terror threats and attacks. Teach NJ is thankful to all of the bill’s champions in Trenton who worked tirelessly to get this done, including Assemblyman Gary Schaer and the other primary sponsors. During the signing ceremony, special mention was made of the advocacy efforts of Teach NJ. 88
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Allen Fagin Named to Transition Committee for New York State Attorney General Letitia James
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llen Fagin, OU Executive Vice President and the former Chairman of Proskauer Rose LLP, has been appointed to the Transition Committee for New York’s Attorney General Letitia James. The Committee consists of thirty-six individuals who will
help identify strong candidates for positions with, and establish policy recommendations for, the Attorney General’s Office. The Transition Committee is a diverse group of experts in law, academia and government hailing from areas throughout New York State. “I am honored to serve on Letitia James’ Transition Committee,” said Fagin. “It has been a privilege to work with her as New York City Public Advocate. We look forward to future collaboration now that she has assumed her new role as New York State Attorney General.”
WOMEN IN ACTION T
he mikvah has undergone dramatic transformation over the past several decades as community leaders upgrade facilities to make the experience more comfortable and convenient for women. Joining this initiative, The Women’s Initiative (WI) has launched “Sense and Sensitivity,” a professional development training seminar for mikvah attendants, covering topics such as domestic violence, cancer, mental health, fertility, miscarriage and postpartum depression—and how these can relate to the experience at the mikvah. The seminar was piloted in Bala Cynwyd, Pennsylvania. A second training seminar, held at the Young Israel of Hillcrest in Queens, New York, was attended by forty tri-state area mikvah attendants, with presentations by Avital Levin, Director of Education for Shalom Task Force; Psychologist Ditza Berger of Lander College for Women; Melissa Rosen, Director of National Outreach at Shasheret; Fertility Specialist Estee Silver, R.N. and Cheryl Epstein, Director of College and Seminary Guidance at Kosloff Torah Academy in Bala Cynwyd, Pennsylvania.
Psychologist Ditza Berger of Lander College for Women presents on mental health and the mikvah at a training seminar for mikvah attendants in Queens, New York.
Both the Bala Cynwyd and Queens seminars, as well as the latest training held in Silver Spring, Maryland, were live-streamed, enabling participants from Cleveland, Ohio, Portland, Oregon, and even England to participate. There are also plans to create a five-week webinar series, giving mikvah attendants from all over the world easy access to these critical trainings.
It’s important that mikvah attendants are viewed as professionals, and having professional development gives them the support they deserve." —Rebbetzin Dr. Adina Shmidman, Founding Director, WI. Spring 5779/2019 JEWISH ACTION
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NEW POSITIONS & PROMOTIONS Avromie Adler recently joined Yachad as International Director. A licensed clinical social worker, Avromie is working closely with the dedicated staff of Yachad to further its mission and expand the scope of services currently being offered. Prior to joining Yachad, Avromie worked at Mishkon, a division of The Jewish Board, for seventeen years, spending the last six-and-a-half years as its Executive Director. Avromie lives in Far Rockaway, New York, with his wife and four children.
Avromie Adler
Allison Deal
Craig M. Goldstein 90
JEWISH ACTION Spring 5779/2019
For kosher food pantries across the country, providing kosher food for hundreds of Jewish needy year-round is a massive undertaking, especially during Pesach and other holiday seasons. In response, the OU recently created Resources for National Kosher Food Distributions Program. This national network, headed by Founding Director Allison Deal, aims to unify kosher food distributors—including food pantries, Tomchei Shabbos and Bikur Cholims across the country—to give them better access to food distributors and seasonal products without cost to their needy recipients. Whether it’s coordinating purchasing practices and prices, locating and securing kosher food in food banks, working with donors to direct donations to where they are most needed, reducing food waste, or advocating for increased kosher food items from government sources, Allison hopes to enable these vital organizations to serve their communities with greater efficiency. Allison joins the OU after serving as Director of the Kosher Food Network at Met Council in New York. Allison earned a MBA from Touro College, previously served as Chair of the Agency Advisory Committee at Food Bank for New York City and sat on committees in the NYC Human Resources Administration’s Emergency Food Assistance Program and City Harvest. Craig M. Goldstein joins the OU as Chief Marketing Officer, after a distinguished fifteen-year career as a Marketing Executive with some of the world’s largest and most innovative advertising agencies and corporations. Craig has represented clients such as LEGO Group, McCormick & Company, Citibank, L.L. Bean and Mars. His role at the OU marks a return to his roots in the Jewish communal world, having begun his career at the Embassy of Israel in Washington, DC, and the Jewish National Fund. Craig brings his perspective and marketing expertise to bear on the full range of OU programming and activities across the global Jewish community. Craig earned a BA and MA in Middle Eastern studies and international relations at George Washington University. Raised in Philadelphia, he now lives in Brooklyn with his wife and two children.
Dr. Jeff Lichtman: The Visionary Behind Yachad By Ken Saibel and Chani Herrmann
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ver the past decades, Yachad has blossomed into a premier organization promoting inclusion in the Jewish community while offering critical services to individuals with special needs and their families. Leading that growth was Dr. Jeff Lichtman, who recently retired from serving as Yachad’s International Director, a position he held for more than thirty years.
Shabbatons, schools, vocational programs, thousands of social recreational programs and the largest network of summer camps and programs for Jewish children with a wide range of disabilities. His impact has reached well beyond individuals with disabilities. He never stopped dreaming of a world where everyone would be accepted and included.
Dr. Lichtman has written an entire chapter in Jewish history, teaching thousands of children, both formally and informally. Mishlei (22:6) teaches, “Chanoch l’naar al pi darko—train a child in the way he should go; when he matures, he will not deviate from it.” In Judaism, there is no specific way of educating the next generation in Torah because each individual needs to receive it in his or her own way. There is room in the tradition for everyone, and it’s our obligation to ensure that the Jewish tradition is accessible to everyone.
Dr. Lichtman’s vision and guidance will carry on for many years to come and we thank him for giving us the wings to fly, for instilling within each of us a passion for inclusion and for always reminding us that every single person is created b’tzelem Elokim.
He not only created programs, he helped change a mindset and at the same time, transformed the entire Jewish community.
Dr. Lichtman epitomizes the notion of chanoch l’naar al pi darko. We have seen countless examples of how he accepted the obligation to teach every child not in the way convention may dictate, but in the way that made sense for that individual child. So many times, we heard stories of children floundering, kicked out of educational programs with nowhere to go until their parents found Dr. Lichtman—someone who was finally willing to teach their child in his or her own way.
Senator Joe Lieberman examines Sefirat HaOmer Like Never Before Charting the 50-day count of the Omer between two Passover and Shavuot, Senator Joe Lieberman and Rabbi Ari Kahn present 50 short essays on the interplay of law and liberty in our lives.
Reflecting on the past thirty years, we are in awe of what Dr. Lichtman has accomplished. He not only created programs, he helped change a mindset and at the same time, transformed the entire Jewish community. He has taught us that inclusion is not a chesed, it is a natural right for all people, regardless of their abilities. This was always at the forefront of everything Dr. Lichtman did, and it was through his wisdom and vision that Yachad has grown into a vibrant global organization boasting ongoing Ken Saibel is Associate Director of Yachad. Chani Herrmann is Director, NJ Yachad.
www.korenpub.com
Available online and at local Jewish bookstores everywhere.
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NEW FROM OU PRESS Unlocking the Haggada By Rabbi Shmuel Goldin OU Press/ Gefen Publishing
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ollowing on the success of his Unlocking the Torah Text series on Chumash, Rabbi Shmuel Goldin has turned his skills to another classic text, the Haggada. There is no lack of commentaries on the Haggada, but what distinguishes Unlocking the Haggada is its focus on the big picture of what the Seder is all about. Instead of centering on the details of the text, Rabbi Goldin looks for the underlying structure of the Haggada—after all, as he notes, “Seder” means “order” or “structure.” Unlocking the Haggada answers such questions as: What are the overall goals of this richly textured service? How does the Haggada, step by step, enable the realization of these goals? What are the connections between one paragraph of the Haggada and the next? Why do the rabbis structure the evening as they do? Rabbi Goldin’s answers to these and other fundamental questions draw on sources from the dawn of Jewish history to today. Unlocking the Haggada opens with five introductory essays, outlining the mitzvot of the Seder, historical and experiential perspectives on the Seder, and the preparations for the holiday. These essays set the stage for what is to follow. Rabbi Goldin creatively divides the sections of the Seder into four general units: “Setting the Stage: Preliminary Rituals,” “The Past,” “The Present” and “The Future.” Each of the Seder sections 92
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is prefaced by an introduction explaining that section’s origin, significance and place in the overall Seder, and the commentary explains how each passage is linked to what comes before. The commentary on the Haggada contains a more extensive “Food for Thought” section geared to motivate questions and discussion, thereby significantly enhancing the participatory nature of the Seder experience. All of this is accompanied by a visually-appealing layout, designed specifically to enable one to understand the structure of the Seder evening. In language and style that will appeal to any reader, scholar to novice, Rabbi Goldin serves as our guide to understanding the complex web of rituals and recitations of the Haggada. Unlocking the Haggada is the perfect accompaniment for each Seder participant to take along on the extraordinary journey that is the Passover Seder.
The Hidden Light: Biblical Paradigms for Leadership By Rabbi Dr. Jerry Hochbaum OU Press
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hrough a lifetime of involvement in Jewish communal work, Rabbi Dr. Jerry Hochbaum experienced first-hand the nature of leadership in the Jewish community. A prominent professor of sociology at Yeshiva University, he also worked with the National Jewish Community Council and was executive vice president of the Memorial Foundation for Jewish Culture, where his major priority was the organization of a leadership development program for the global Jewish community. The leadership issues that Rabbi Dr. Hochbaum encountered in the real world echoed for him in
the Torah’s depiction of human interaction and the development and growth of the Jewish people. The Hidden Light: Biblical Paradigms for Leadership, arranged according to the parshiyot of the Torah, is far from a conventional “parashat hashavuah” compendium. It is a fascinating exploration and distillation of the Torah’s views on leadership. For example, in one of his selections on Parashat Noach, he contrasts the leadership style of Noach with that of Avraham: Rabbi Avraham Yitzchak HaKohen Kook explains that when the Torah tells us, “et ha-Elokim hit’halekh Noach,” it means that Noach goes along with [a] graduated, step-by-step moral suasion, until the people of the time might become ready for higher levels of religiosity and ethics. This is Noach’s model of moral leadership. He supports gradual, incremental religious re-socialization. But this is just one of two models that appear in the Torah. A second one, Rav Kook points out, is pioneered by Avraham. Avraham assumes a much more radical posture. As a young man, he, too, resides in a godless society. When he comes to recognize the moral bankruptcy of that civilization, he flees it. In contrast to Noach, Avraham’s self-description in the Torah is “et ha-Elokim asher hit’halakhti lefanav.” Avraham walks not with God, but before Him. He is not ready to accept the step-by-step religious re-socialization of his parental society. He abandons it and begins to teach, preach, and disseminate a whole, new radical faith, more attuned to Torah and to the service and worship of one God. There are no graduated steps for Avraham. In our contemporary, less-thanperfect moral civilization, we need to consider which of these two models to guide us. Shall we be gradualists like Noach or maximalists like Avraham? Which would our leadership choose? Combining a novel approach with sensitivity and insight, The Hidden Light: Biblical Paradigms for Leadership rewards the reader with a fresh view of the weekly parashah.
Celebrate Passover 2019 with remarkable works by Koren & its imprints This first ever sequential art version of the timeless Seder integrates a brand-new, modern translation into sophisticated and super-fun illustrations that bring the epic exodus story to life.
Signs & Wonders 100 Haggada Masterpieces
Passover Haggadah Graphic Novel
Adam Cohen
Jordan B. Gorfinkel & Erez Zadok Translated by David Olivestone
Bring the award-winning Dry Bones comic strip to your Seder table! With complete EnglishHebrew text and colorful cartoon commentary framing each page.
This coffee table volume reproduces 100 Haggadah illustrations in full color, alongside short descriptions that explore the meaning of the imagery and their larger historical context.
The Dry Bones Passover Haggadah Yaakov Kirschen
NEW! Haroset A Taste of Jewish History Dr. Susan Weingarten
Seder Talk The Conversational Haggadah By Dr. Erica Brown Haggadah with commentary & essays in one!
www.korenpub.com
The Sacks Haggadah Rabbi Jonathan Sacks Now available in English & Hebrew!
Redemption, Then & Now Rabbi Benjamin Blech Haggadah with commentary & essays in one!
The Steinsaltz Haggadah Rabbi Adin Even-Israel Steinsaltz
Now available in English & Hebrew!
Spring 5779/2019 JEWISH ACTION 93 Now available online and inJewish bookstores everywhere.
Inside
PHILANTHROPY
Writer: Marcia P. Neeley
Portrait of Philanthropy
ESTHER WILLIAMS: A WOMAN OF ACTION By Pnina Baim
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iven how busy Esther Williams is, she is surprisingly easy to reach. Speaking with Esther, one feels how much there is to do in this world, and how much one person can achieve. Over twenty years ago, Esther had a chance meeting with current OU President Moishe Bane, who was then National Chairman of NCSY. Her son had gone on the NCSY Kollel summer program, and she was surprised that such a great program didn’t have more exposure. “You need more marketing,” Esther told him. “Great idea,” responded Moishe. “I nominate you.” Esther became a member of the National NCSY Youth Commission, and later became the President of Shalom Task Force, which addresses domestic violence in the Jewish community. Always passionate about women’s leadership, she was one of the founding members of the OU’s Women’s Initiative, helping to create opportunities for women to grow spiritually and become leaders within their communities. This past year, when Moishe Bane asked her to chair Israel Free Spirit: Birthright Israel and the OU’s Birthright follow-up program, Bring Israel Home (BIH), Esther knew she couldn’t say no to these critical projects that have inspired the Jewish spark in over 600,000 young Jews.
Rabbi Dave Felsenthal, OU Chief Innovation Officer, was elated with Esther’s decision to take on these roles. “Esther is a true partner. She understands the potential to change Jewish history in North America and in Israel with these programs.” Israel Free Spirit: Birthright Israel is an innovative Birthright trip with a wealth of options available to participants ages eighteen to thirty-two. Participants have the option to choose from co-ed or same-gender groups, with trips focusing on sports, culture, spirituality and more. Sharon Darack, North American Director of Israel Free Spirit, calls Esther a hands-on lay leader—someone involved in the meat of the program, opening up her home in Israel for groups and providing a welcoming environment for all. For Esther, interacting with the participants is one of the highlights of her work. “A wonderful thing happens when people from different groups meet together and see that we have more in common than not. We had three Chassidic women, married with children, who joined a co-ed group for logistical reasons. Over havdalah at my house, it was beautiful to see everyone connecting. A side benefit of Birthright is the bridge that is built between Orthodox and secular Jews, when for the first time, they can sit down and find common ground. It is remarkable what two individuals—Sharon Darack here in North America and Yael Tamari, the Director in Israel—have managed to accomplish with their dedicated staff,” concluded Esther. Bring Israel Home is an innovative program that helps participants maintain their inspiration upon their return home. Participants compete for a reunion by doing Jewish activities, such as having a Shabbat dinner or attending a Torah class. The reunion is an inspirational Shabbaton that creates powerful strong memories that have a long-term impact. BIH is open to all Birthright participants, as it is one of the few successful follow-up programs. “With Birthright sending us these thousands of participants, the opportunity we have to do kiruv is unparalleled,” Esther says. “BIH has a great team with Rabbi David Pardo, who thinks outside the box, and Zahava Samet is a star.” “Very often,” Esther explains, “it’s not one thing that makes people frum, it’s a process. We don’t always know what that is. There is a chain of events, and before you know it, the person is connected to Israel and to Judaism. It’s impossible to quantify it. I know people are being pulled in so many directions, but the next time you’re in Israel, come see for yourself how lives are being changed. I promise you yours will be too.”
We invite you to join us and make a difference. Contact Arnold Gerson at agerson@ou.org or visit ou.org/giving. 94
JEWISH ACTION Spring 5779/2019
Over the Edge participant Eli Halpert poses at the top of the Tower at Nassau Community College on Long Island, New York. Photo: Yechiel Ungar Photography
SCALING NEW HEIGHTS FOR NCSY
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ixty-two adventuresome participants raised $1,000 each to rappel from the rooftop down the side of the twelve-story Tower at Nassau Community College on Long Island. NCSY New York’s urban rappelling event, “Over the Edge,” held this past in November, raised $50,000 to support programming and scholarships throughout the New York region. For more photos of NCSY’s Over the Edge rappelling event, visit ou.org/philanthropy.
YACHAD GALA SUPPORTS INCLUSION
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aising over $250,000, New Jersey Yachad’s annual Gala held in Teaneck, New Jersey, brought together 500 guests to support their commitment to inclusion. The funds will be used to support New Jersey Yachad’s year-round programs and services, which include The Mendel Balk Yachad Community Center, adult day services, family support services, inclusive social events for the community and more. For more photos of the Yachad Gala, visit ou.org/philanthropy.
NJ Yachad All-Star Honorees. From left: Yachad Family Awardees Susan Richman, Dr. David Richman and Binyamin Richman, Guests of Honor Dr. Joey and Shira Shatzkes, Director of NJ Yachad Chani Herrmann, and Young Leadership Awardees Sara and Rabbi Benny Berlin. The event also honored the memory of longtime Yachad participant, Chani Rubin, z”l, who passed away this summer. The Chani Rubin z”l Summer Scholarship Fund was established in her memory. Spring 5779/2019 JEWISH ACTION
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Inside PHILANTHROPY Writer: Marcia P. Neeley
NCSY’S YARCHEI KALLAH—OFF THE CHARTS
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ue to the generosity of Legacy Heritage Fund, this past year’s Yarchei Kallah and Conclave were the largest in NCSY history. These immersive Torah-learning experiences, held over winter break in Long Branch, New Jersey, and Schaumburg, Illinois, respectively, attracted more than 500 public school youth from across North America, Chile and Argentina. For more photos of Yarchei Kallah, visit ou.org/philanthropy.
A group of NCSYers from Argentina learned Torah over their winter break at NCSY’s Yarchei Kallah. Photo: Josh Weinberg
SUPPORTING A LIFELINE FOR AT-RISK TEENS
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his past fall, a group of seventy donors and friends of OU Israel gathered to support the vital life-saving work of The Pearl & Harold Jacobs Zula Outreach Center, a popular Jerusalem hangout for at-risk youth run by OU Israel. At the breakfast, held in honor of OU Israel President Zvi Sand’s sixtieth birthday, President Sand pledged to raise $160,000 to enable The Zula to continue to assist even more youth. The talented Zula Band entertained guests as they heard from a teen whose life was turned around by The Zula. The breakfast raised $54,000 and donations are still coming in. To donate, visit ouisrael.org/donate.
We give [at-risk kids] a chance to succeed, the ability to start over and to live meaningful lives again.” From left: OU Israel President Zvi Sand with The Zula Founder Harel Chetzroni.
—OU Israel President Zvi Sand
We invite you to join us and make a difference. Contact Arnold Gerson at agerson@ou.org or visit ou.org/giving. 96
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NCSY CANADA ADDRESSES GROWING ASSIMILATION
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ith more than 700 generous friends and supporters in attendance, NCSY Canada and Torah High’s Gala, held this past November, raised a stunning $4 million. The funds will go to support a bold and ambitious $54 million campaign launched by NCSY Canada called “Generations: The Campaign for Jewish Identity.” Geared to address the rising assimilation and intermarriage rates among Canadian Jewish youth, the campaign aims to reach 18,000 Jewish youth across Canada over the next seven years. “Our belief is that if we do something ambitious and bold, it will remind the Jewish community how important it is to reach out to our teens,” says CEO, NCSY Canada and Executive Director, Torah High Rabbi Glenn Black.
We are at a precipice. It’s up to us to ensure that the next generation stays Jewish.” —Dinner Honoree Gerald Hartman
Honorees Jeff and Honey Rubenstein (center) enjoying the Gala with their children.
From left: CEO, NCSY Canada Rabbi Glenn Black poses with Honorees Gerald and Sheryl Hartman and their children at the Gala. Photos: Katan Studios
Fran and David Woolf at the Gala. David served as chairman of NCSY Canada for forty years.
Paul and his wife Chavi Jacobs (center) with their family at the Gala. Paul is the son of Honorees Harold and Pearl Jacobs, who were recognized posthumously. The Jacobs established the Harold and Pearl Jacobs z”l Chesed Fund to support NCSY’s outreach programs. Spring 5779/2019 JEWISH ACTION
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Inside PHILANTHROPY
A BIRTHRIGHT TRIP WITH AN IMPACT IN HER WORDS... HANNAH YASEMSKY By Pnina Baim
Thanks to the generosity and vision of our donors, in 2018 Israel Free Spirit: Birthright Israel sent more than 2,000 young Jewish adults to Israel to reconnect to their Jewish heritage. Below is one story that illustrates the lasting impact and power of an Israel Free Spirit trip.
H
annah Yasemsky grew up in a typical Reform household. She was close with the rabbi of Congregation Beth Chaverim in Virginia Beach, Viginia, Israel Zoberman; she even taught at Sunday school. Hannah had heard of Birthright, but with the negative news coverage of Israel, she kept pushing off a trip for a better time. Before she knew it, she had aged out of the program. When the age limits were increased, Hannah knew she had to grab the chance to go. A surprising turn of events had Hannah’s Conservative rabbi introduce her to an Orthodox rabbi, Rabbi Gershon Litt, who connected Hannah with the OU’s Israel Free Spirit: Birthright Israel trips. At first, Hannah was nervous about going on an Orthodox trip, but her concerns were quickly put to rest. The staff made everyone feel welcome and within just a couple of days, the group felt like family. The trip was incredible. Hannah recalls an emotional climb up to Masada where the tour guide expertly recreated the historical event. As the group Hannah and her father, David reflected on the destruction of the fortress, they declared “Masada will never fall again!” For Hannah, this was a personal declaration, a commitment that her connection to Judaism—solidified by memories of the trip—will always be there. Shabbat was something that Hannah never expected. “Nothing could have prepared me for such an amazing experience,” Hannah says. “The walk to the Kotel, watching Jews from all over connect with God, dancing with everyone, having the meals together—all of it contributed to a huge celebration. We were Reform, and we had never experienced Shabbat like this before.” At the end of the trip, Hannah didn’t want to leave Israel. “You cry when you come, and you cry when you leave,” Hannah laughed. Just one month later, she was back for
another ten days that she spent with Tzadok, her father’s friend, and his family in Yerushalyim. There, Hannah was able to experience another Shabbat; she was especially touched when Tzadok blessed her along with his children at the Friday night meal. When Hannah came home, she felt a spiritual void. She convinced her father, David, to go synagogue shopping, trying out different synagogues each week. One day, Rabbi Litt sent an innocuous message to Hannah, checking in after the trip. This gave Hannah the bold idea to try out Rabbi Litt’s shul. Her father, hesitant at first, went along with Hannah’s wishes. Hannah sat in the women’s section, David in the men’s section, a divider between them. Hearing the Hebrew prayers and seing everyone in their Shabbat finery gave Hannah the feeling of being back in Israel, and she began to cry. She had found her shul.
could have “Nothing prepared me for
such an amazing experience . . . We were Reform, and we had never experienced Shabbat like this before.”
Hannah grew closer with Rabbi Litt and his family, celebrating Shabbat and holidays together. Recently, both she and her father have begun learning with a Torah study partner at the local JCC. Hannah’s experience also affected the students she teaches at a private school for individuals with emotional and behavioral disabilities. Hannah gave each student a seashell from the beaches of Israel and shared pictures and her memories. She was moved to tears when her students, many of whom struggle with empathy, offered condolences after the tragedy in Pittsburg saying, “I’m sorry this happened to your people.” Hannah is the first Jew many of them have spoken to, and she knows that her interactions with them could affect their impression of Jews for a lifetime. Hannah returned to Israel this past winter with Rabbi Litt to co-staff an Israel Free Spirit: Birthright Israel trip, thrilled to have the opportunity to be in Israel and reconnect with the land and her people.
We invite you to join us and make a difference. Contact Arnold Gerson at agerson@ou.org or visit ou.org/giving. 98
JEWISH ACTION Spring 5779/2019
Thank you for your generous annual support of our vital programs. YACHAD - Inclusion for people with disabilities SEIF OU-JLIC - Supporting Jewish life on college campuses NCSY - Life-changing teen empowerment and inspiration program OU ISRAEL - Outreach to at-risk youth, support for soldiers and olim ISRAEL FREE SPIRIT BIRTHRIGHT ISRAEL - Connecting Jewish youth with Israel and their heritage THE PEPA & RABBI JOSEPH KARASICK DEPARTMENT OF SYNAGOGUE & COMMUNITY SERVICES Educational content, programs, consulting for synagogues and communities THE WOMEN’S INITIATIVE - Creating and promoting inspirational and educational programming for women BRING ISRAEL HOME - Connecting the Birthright inspiration to everyday life for thousands of trip alumni TEACH COALITION - Fighting for Jewish schools to receive fair government funding OU ADVOCACY CENTER - Promoting Jewish interests in the halls of government OU TORAH - Providing a broad array of Torah study opportunities JEWISH ACTION - The OU's insightful and inspirational quarterly publication OU IMPACT ACCELERATOR - A mentorship program for growth and early-stage funding for Jewish nonprofit entrepreneurs. OU PRESS - Publishing insightful and compelling works on Jewish texts
Members of the OU BENEFACTOR CIRCLE lead through their philanthropy. We applaud them all for their commitment, including those whose names remain anonymous. We invite and encourage you to join them in making a difference.
OU.ORG/BENEFACTOR To learn more about the OU Benefactor Circle or to become a member, please call Arnold Gerson, Chief Institutional Advancement Office at 212.613-8313 or email agerson@ou.org. Spring 5779/2019 JEWISH ACTION
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Thank You Ambassador $250,000 & OVER
THE AVI CHAI FOUNDATION ARIELA BALK IN HONOR OF THE MENDEL BALK YACHAD ADULT COMMUNITY CENTER DR. SHMUEL AND EVELYN KATZ STEPHEN AND NATALY NEUWIRTH AMBASSADOR DONATION IN MEMORY OF ANNE SAMSON A"H
Guardian
$100,000-$249,999 MARK (MOISHE) & JOANNE BANE SHERRY & NEIL COHEN ROBERT AND MICHELLE DIENER MR. AND MRS. JACK FEINTUCH ELLIOT P. AND DEBORAH GIBBER ALAN & BARBARA GINDI BECKY & AVI KATZ MORDECAI & MONIQUE KATZ THE KOHELET FOUNDATION THE JEWISH FEDERATION OF GREATER LOS ANGELES DAVID AND DEBRA MAGERMAN THE JEWISH FEDERATION OF METROPOLITAN CHICAGO RAPHAEL AND RIVKA NISSEL ERIC AND GALE ROTHNER RUDERMAN FAMILY FOUNDATION MORIS & LILLIAN TABACINIC UJA-FEDERATION OF NEW YORK JOYCE AND JEREMY WERTHEIMER
Founder
$50,000 - $99,999 ALLEN AND DEANNA ALEVY DANIEL & RAZIE BENEDICT AARON AND MARIE BLACKMAN FOUNDATION THE CAYRE FAMILY GERSHON AND AVIVA DISTENFELD FALIC FAMILY FOUNDATION FOUNDATION FOR JEWISH DAY SCHOOLS, GREATER PHILADELPHIA RABBI MANFRED AND LISELOTTE Z"L GANS CHESSED FUND J. SAMUEL HARWIT & MANYA HARWIT-AVIV CHARITABLE TRUST RICHARD HIRSCH KITTY & ANWAR HOORY Z"L
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JEWISH FEDERATION OF NORTHERN NEW JERSEY ETTA BRANDMAN KLARISTENFELD & HARRY KLARISTENFELD FOUNDER DONATION IN MEMORY OF JUDY LEFKOVITS LEGACY HERITAGE FUND MR. DAVID LICHTENSTEIN CHUCK AND ALLEGRA MAMIYE MAYBERG FAMILY FOUNDATION EITAN AND DEBRA MILGRAM GENIE AND STEVE SAVITSKY THE SHAMAH FAMILY LARRY AND SHELLY RUSSAK JOSH AND ALLISON ZEGEN
Builder
$25,000 - $49,999 MR. RAANAN AND DR. NICOLE AGUS HOWARD AND CHAYA BALTER LEWIS AND LAURI BARBANEL SABY & ROSI BEHAR HARRY H. BEREN Z"L MAX & ELANA BERLIN BRIAN & DAFNA BERMAN JUDI AND JASON BERMAN VIVIAN AND DANIEL CHILL THE CONDUIT FOUNDATION CRAIN-MALING FOUNDATION: WWW.CRAINMALING.ORG DRS. ROBERT AND KAY FAGUET GREATER MIAMI JEWISH FEDERATION HOWARD TZVI AND CHAYA FRIEDMAN RALPH S. GINDI FOUNDATION SHANA GLASSMAN FOUNDATION DR. EPHRAIM AND RITA GREENFIELD JAMES AND AMY A"H HABER DR. ELLIOT & LILLIAN HAHN MR. & MRS. ROBERT HARTMAN LANCE & RIVKIE HIRT ALISSA AND SHIMMIE HORN DR. ALLAN AND SANDY JACOB JEWISH FEDERATION OF S. PALM BEACH COUNTY BENYAMIN AND ESTI KAMINETZKY RABBI MARK & LINDA KARASICK KARMELA AND JERRY KLASNER ALBERT LABOZ JEFF AND MARCI LEFKOVITS MICHAEL AND ANDREA LEVEN FAMILY FOUNDATION IRIS AND SHALOM MAIDENBAUM AZI & RACHEL MANDEL MRS. FEGI MAUER MERIDIAN CAPITAL MARTIN AND ELIZABETH NACHIMSON HENRY AND MINDY ORLINSKY MALKI AND J. PHILIP ROSEN JAMES AND LOREN ROSENZWEIG
ROBBIE AND HELENE ROTHENBERG SAMIS FOUNDATION LOUIS AND STACY SCHWARTZ YITZCHOK AND BARBARA LEHMANN SIEGEL BARRY & JOY SKLAR DAVID AND AMY STRACHMAN MICHAEL AND ARIANNE WEINBERGER THE WEININGER FOUNDATION INC. THE WEISS FAMILY, CLEVELAND, OHIO ESTHER AND JERRY WILLIAMS MR. JERRY & MRS. SARA WOLASKY MASA YEHUDI
Visionary
$18,000 - $24,999 MR. AND MRS. LIOR ARUSSY DENNIS AND DEBRA BERMAN MARCUS AND DORIS BLUMKIN PETER & LORI DEUTSCH SHIMON AND CHAYA ECKSTEIN LINDA AND MICHAEL ELMAN JUDITH & ALLEN I. FAGIN MARK & CHERYL FRIEDMAN JOAN & PETER HOFFMAN ED & ROBYN HOFFMAN/HOFFMAN CATERING PAUL AND CHAVI JACOBS JACK ALBERT KASSIN DANA AND JEFFREY KORBMAN STEPHEN AND EVE MILSTEIN JACK A"H AND GITTA NAGEL YEHUDA & ANNE NEUBERGER ISABELLE AND DAVID NOVAK MARC PENN ALLEN & MIRIAM PFEIFFER HENRY AND GOLDA REENA ROTHMAN STEPHEN AND JESSICA SAMUEL GEORGE AND IRINA SCHAEFFER TOBY MACY SCHAFFER MORRIS AND RACHEL TABUSH DAVID & GILA WEINSTEIN GEORGE & JONI WHITE
Partner
$10,000 - $17,999 ALISA ABECASSIS DANIEL AND LIORA ADLER MR. AND MRS. EMANUEL ADLER AARON AND TAMMY ATTIAS IRA AND SHERI BALSAM YALE & ANN BARON JO AND JONAH BRUCK DR. MOSHE AND BRYNDIE BENARROCH MR. AND MRS. ISAAC BERMAN VANESSA AND RAYMOND CHALME THE CHARLES CRANE FAMILY FOUNDATION
"We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give." ― Winston Churchill
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BOOKS
Passover Haggadah Graphic Novel Jordan B. Gorfinkel, Creator and Writer Erez Zadok, Artist David Olivestone, Translator Koren Publishers | Avalanche Comics Entertainment Jerusalem, 2018 | 170 pages
Reviewed by Jack Abramowitz
“A
Passover Haggadah Graphic Novel?” I hear you ask. “How does that work?” The answer, I’m happy to report, is “surprisingly well.” This Haggadah is by no means the first attempt to translate traditional Judaica into the comics format, but previous efforts have been . . . let’s be generous and say “inconsistent.” Readers would largely be in no imminent danger of mistaking them for products from any of the major publishers. The Passover Haggadah Graphic Novel, however, is as professionally rendered as anything you might hope to find on the shelves of your local comic book store. This may be because of creator Jordan B. Gorfinkel’s background. The cartoonist—also known as “Gorf ”—not only innovated the weekly, Jewish-themed comic strip “Everything’s Relative” (JewishCartoon. com), he was a Batman editor at DC Comics and one of the creators of the
The idea of a Haggadah in graphic novel form may strike some as flippant but this need not be the case. superhero team Birds of Prey. The Haggadah was published by Koren in cooperation with Gorfinkel’s studio, Avalanche Comics Entertainment. Artist Erez Zadok also has a background in comics, albeit in Israeli comics. He and Gorf previously collaborated on a comic book project with Butch Hartman, creator of such animated series as Fairly Odd Parents and Danny Phantom. The final contributor, translator David Olivestone, earned his reputation as editor and translator of the NCSY
Rabbi Jack Abramowitz, MS Ed, is a writer and educator with decades of experience in outreach and informal education. As editor of the OU Torah web site, Rabbi Abramowitz has helped to make the study of Tanach, Mishnah and halachah more accessible to newcomers and seasoned learners alike. Rabbi Abramowitz is the author of The Nach Yomi Companion (volumes 1 and 2), The Shnayim Mikra Companion, The Taryag Companion, The Tzniyus Book and The God Book. 102
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Bencher, which is the standard by which all others are judged. (If Olivestone’s name is familiar, it should be noted that he is a member of Jewish Action’s editorial committee and a frequent contributor to these pages.) The Rambam writes how slavish adherence to the words of a text will yield a result that is corrupt. Rather, a translator must first understand and appreciate the meaning of a text before choosing appropriate words in another language. With his skill for translation, Olivestone has crafted an English Haggadah that is accessible to newcomers while honoring the nuances of the original text. (Witness, for example, the presence of an “astute child” and a “rebellious child” in lieu of the more traditional “wise son” and “wicked son.”)
The Haggadah is narrated by a family of anthropomorphic goats, which is kind of a bold choice when one considers their role in the korban Pesach. This happy family appears throughout the book to advise readers when to dip, pour, spill or perform other actions associated with the Seder. The text appears in three parts: the original text in Hebrew, a transliteration (based on Sephardic pronunciation) in English characters and a modern English translation. The translation, as noted, is particularly engaging, though traditionalists might balk at occasional phrases that may be intended to appeal to current sensitivities, such as the use of the feminine pronoun “her” for two of the aforementioned “four children.” (The original Hebrew is left as it has always been.) Appealing to twenty-first century sensibilities, however, is a good thing and one that is especially apparent through the artwork. Far too many illustrated children’s or family books ignore the reality that there are plenty of non-white Jews in our communities. Sure, they’re a minority, but they’re not an anomaly and they deserve to be represented. The Seder participants and other characters in this graphic novel include not only Anglo Jews but Jews of many backgrounds, including African-American. I heartily applaud this decision. The artwork is bold and engaging. It also spans the gamut of Jewish history, from before the Egyptian servitude through the Exodus, and from Talmudic times to the present. (There’s even a fanciful glimpse of a speculative “Messianic era,” though eagle-shaped flying cars, while an utterly awesome idea, may be a bit much to hope for.) When it comes to the art, the main attraction is indisputably the Maggid section. For this part of the Haggadah, the Hebrew text and translation appear on the right-hand side of each two-page spread, with the corresponding English presented in the graphic novel format on the left-hand page. (This is especially appropriate given that Maggid comprises the “narrative” portion of the Haggadah.) Even for those of us who will perform the Seder in Hebrew, reading these pages can really bring the story to life, which is the ultimate point of reciting Maggid in the first place. It is also advisable that readers take the time to really soak up the art or they might miss layers of nuance. For example, the art accompanying the section “Al Achat Kamah V’Chamah” (following “Dayeinu”) was clearly inspired by Norman Rockwell’s classic painting “The Gossips,” but it also represents a tour through Jewish history, from the Exodus through the present. Similarly, perusing such sections as the Ten Plagues reveals the creators’ familiarity with the Midrashic interpretations, though they didn’t feel the need to make such things explicit through the text. (Sometimes less is more.) The same is true with “Chad Gadya,” which not only reflects the traditional interpretation for the
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Reading these pages can really bring the story to life, which is the ultimate point of reciting Maggid in the first place.
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Illustration of the first five of the Ten Plagues
piyut but provides narrative closure for the framing sequence featuring our family of hircine hosts. The idea of a Haggadah in graphic novel form may strike some as flippant, but this need not be the case. Talking, humanoid goats may not fit every family’s comfort level for the Seder, but Haggadot throughout history have boasted some pretty far-out illustrations, not the least of which is the famous fourteenth-century “Birds’ Head Haggadah.” It is said that Rabbi Levi Yitzchak of Berditchev would wish people a kosher Purim and a freilichen Pesach because people don’t always remember to keep Purim kosher, or that Pesach is meant to be joyous. Here is a way to make one’s Pesach Seder a little more creative and to bring a smile to participants’ faces—and while the medium is non-traditional, the content is by no means irreverent. The authors of the Haggadah wrote, “V’chol hamarbeh l’saper b’Yetziat Mitzrayim, harei zeh meshubach— whoever elaborates on the Exodus from Egypt, behold, this is praiseworthy.” Who says that this can only be accomplished verbally? A picture being worth a thousand words, I see no reason why a graphic novel should not be able to stir one’s imagination and get one thinking about many aspects of the Exodus. Similarly, such a project can serve as a springboard for discussion among family members or other Seder guests. On Pesach, what could be more meshubach than that?
Flowers in the Desert: The Early History and Growth of Orthodox Judaism in the Five Towns By Rabbi Mordechai Kamenetzky Bentsh Press New York, 2018 | 252 pages
Reviewed by Hershel Billet
R
abbi Mordechai Kamenetzky, author of Flowers in the Desert: The Early History and Growth of Orthodox Judaism in the Five Towns, has done a masterful job of telling the story of the beginnings of the Orthodox Jewish community in New York’s Five Towns. In 252 pages of engrossing history, spiced with human-interest anecdotes and an incredible collection of photos, Rabbi Kamenetzky paints a panoramic view of the growth of Orthodox Jewish life in the Five Towns from 1956 into the 1970s. This beautifully designed coffee-table book describes the hard work of the pioneers and founders of the synagogues, schools and communal services
in a neighborhood that today has become one of the premier Orthodox Jewish communities in the greater New York metropolitan area, and by extension, in the United States. Today the Five Towns boasts many Orthodox synagogues, schools of all genres and for all ages, a vibrant vaad hakashrut, an eruv, mikva’ot, shops, a vaad hatzedakah, Hatzalah, chevra kadisha and so much more. Little do most of the current residents realize that just sixty-five years ago, almost none of this infrastructure existed. Many people deserve credit for helping create this community. But there is one visionary who led the pioneers in the step-by-step process of creating the synagogues and schools and the communal services
It was by force of Rabbi Kamenetzky’s warm personality and love for every Jew that he won over so many partners in the greater community. Rabbi Hershel Billet is rabbi of the Young Israel of Woodmere in New York.
that exist today. That individual was the late Rabbi Binyamin Kamenetzky, zt”l, the author’s father. Rabbi Binyamin Kamenetzky was born in 1923 in Slabodka, a suburb of Kovno, one of the main centers of intellectual Lithuanian Jewish life. His father, the great Torah scholar Rabbi Yaakov Kamenetsky, zt”l, had studied in the prestigious Kovno Kollel. Rabbi Yaakov later became the rav in a Lithuanian town called Tzitavyan. In 1938, he had the foresight to see the danger that lay ahead; less than a year before WWII broke out, he moved with his family to Canada and eventually to the United States. In the US, Rabbi Binyamin attended Chofetz Chaim Yeshiva and Ner Yisroel in Baltimore, Maryland, where he was ordained. He married Tzirel Spiegel, the daughter of the Ostrov-Kalushiner Rebbe and began his career in Jewish education as a second-grade rebbe in Yeshiva Toras Chaim in Brooklyn. The Ribbono Shel Olam had big plans for him. The book weaves one “coincidental” story after another as to how Rabbi Kamenetzky followed the markers on the trail that Hashem laid out for him, which led him to the Five Towns in 1956. There he served as the first rabbi of the Young Israel of Woodmere and Spring 5779/2019 JEWISH ACTION
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helped establish the Young Israel of Lawrence and Cedarhurst. The book tells the story of each of the Orthodox shuls that served as centers of religious life in the Five Towns before 1980. Rabbi Dr. Gilbert Klaperman, the long-serving rabbi at Congregation Beth Sholom in Lawrence, was already in the community when Rabbi Kamenetzky arrived. [Rabbi Joseph Ber Soloveitchik had encouraged Rabbi Klaperman to take the position.] Beth Sholom, whose story is told in detail, created the foundation upon which Rabbi Kamenetzky could build. After serving for a short period as the rabbi at the Young Israel of Woodmere, Rabbi Kamenetzky was succeeded by the British-born and Mirrer Yeshiva-educated Rabbi Shaya Lebor. The shul grew under his leadership and the lay people he led played major roles in all of the schools and community institutions such as
Hewlett under the leadership of his son-in-law, Rabbi Simcha Lefkowitz. Hence, four of the five towns now had thriving synagogues and the potential for a demographic explosion was present. Furthermore, Rabbi Kamenetzky brought his brother-in-law, Rabbi Dovid Spiegel, to the area to establish the first Chassidishe shtiebel in Cedarhurst. The Rebbe added a special heimishe flavor to Orthodox life in the Five Towns. As the Jewish community of the Five Towns entered the ninth decade of the twentieth century, its members now had an exciting array of Orthodox shuls of all types. But Rabbi Kamenetzky did not stop there. He was instrumental in bringing Yeshiva Toras Chaim (subsequently called Yeshiva of South Shore) from Brooklyn to the Five Towns as well. In addition to the boys school, he established a girls school which
The availability of kosher food and the plethora of kosher supermarkets are trademarks of the Five Towns—however, it should not be traken for granted. the eruv, mikvah and vaad hakashrut. Rabbi Kamenetzky assisted in bringing a European Torah scholar, Rabbi Nuchim Kornmehl, to serve as the first rabbi of the Young Israel of Lawrence and Cedarhurst. Located between Beth Sholom and the Young Israel of Woodmere, this congregation served as an important addition to the community, since it enabled the growth of a vibrant Orthodox community stretching from Lawrence to Cedarhurst to Woodmere. And although this is not covered in detail in the book (because it occurred after the time period addressed in the book), Rabbi Kamenetzky also established Congregation Anshei Chesed in 106
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eventually became independent and is now known as Torah Academy for Girls (TAG) in Far Rockaway. Later, in a time frame not covered by the book, he established a boys high school and a yeshivah gedolah in the area. Rabbi Mordechai Kamenetzky does not limit his story to his father’s work only. He has a full chapter on the co-ed Orthodox Hillel school in the Five Towns that eventually merged with Far Rockaway’s Hebrew Institute of Long Island (HILI) to create HAFTR, which still capably services part of the community’s Orthodox population today. While Rabbi Kamenetzky came from the world of the Litvish yeshivot, he established warm relationships
with non-Orthodox rabbis and lay people. In particular, Rabbi Morris Friedman of the Conservative Temple Hillel became a partner in many of Rabbi Kamenetzky’s endeavors. It was by force of Rabbi Kamenetzky’s warm personality and love for every Jew that he won over so many partners in the greater community. Sections of the book provide the history of the South Shore mikvah. The mikvah project was inspired by the late Max Schreiber, an advocate of the observance of the laws of family purity in America. His nephew, Rabbi David Schreiber, led a group of lay people in seeing the project through from start to finish. Rabbi Kamenetzky played a role in raising funds from the greater community for this important communal institution. The availability of kosher food and the plethora of kosher supermarkets are trademarks of the Five Towns today—however, this should not be taken for granted. In 1956 in addition to there being no mikvah, there was no serious vaad hakashrut. Much work needed to be done. An important part of community building is lay participation, partnership and leadership. The Five Towns benefited from these with the building of the mikvah and with the creation of a vibrant and active kashrut organization, which fostered an incredible array of kosher places in which to eat and to shop. The story of the Vaad HaKashrus of the Five Towns and Far Rockaway is related in mouth-watering detail. First and foremost, Rabbi Kamenetzky was an educator. The book explains his role as an educator of his own daughters and sons, and the decisions that had to be made to teach them Yiddishkeit on the highest level in an area where there were few options. He moved to the community with a young wife who supported his work fully. But it was not only the education of his children that concerned him. He immersed himself in many initiatives to teach Torah to the sons and daughters of other Jewish community members.
Orthodox Jews constitute a diverse community, and those with different approaches to education need to have choices of different types of schools in which to educate their children. HILI and Hillel, and eventually HAFTR, presented excellence in religious and secular education. But they were co-ed. There were no all-boys or all-girls schools in the neighborhood. And in this aspect as well, Rabbi Kamenetzky was a visionary. The story of his effort and skill in bringing so many different Jews with diverse backgrounds to support a new type of single-gender Torah education in the Five Towns is told in great detail in the book. The story is not a fairy tale. There were many roadblocks which had to be overcome. Rabbi Kamenetzky teaches us another important lesson in this book: You cannot build a Jewish community in America without help from the local non-Jewish community. Rabbi Kamenetzky understood this very well. He forged relationships with politicians on the local, state and national levels. His warm, charismatic and charming personality enabled him, through these political connections, to obtain support for so many essential needs of the community. And the politicians learned to respect the community and to understand that it is a two-way street. If you support the community, you will see appreciation on Election Day. Normalcy is something that is also part of Rabbi Mordechai’s memories. Not only were schools established, but also a Jewish Little League Baseball team for Orthodox kids from families of differing hashkafot. Children from different backgrounds played together and became friends. One can see how the Kamenetzky children grew up with a unique open-mindedness. Flowers in the Desert begins in Europe and ends in modern America. Historical anecdotes of life in Lithuania and in twentieth-century America draw the reader into the book. Inspiring stories are skillfully portrayed in each of the different sections. One delightful story involves Rabbi Spiegel in his student days and the legendary Rabbi Leibel Bistritzky of Manhattan’s Lower East Side. Six lay leaders are also highlighted toward the end of the book. The story of each of them is the story of each of us. In a sense, this is what helps make the book resonate with readers. Rabbi Kamenetzky has written this book as a tribute to his father, Rabbi Binyamin Kamenetzky, zt”l and his mother Rebbetzin Tzirel, zt”l. The book fulfills its purpose but serves as more than just a history book. It is a volume filled with generosity of spirit and respect for Jews—Orthodox and non-Orthodox—and non-Jews alike. It is a story of vision, struggle and fulfillment. It is a personal story, a Jewish story, and a story of history, family life, American life, and the opportunity that America affords to one who has a dream, embarks on a journey and eventually fulfills his dream.
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Kesser Dovid: The Halachic Guide to Dentistry By Rabbi Dr. David J. Katz Feldheim Publishers New York, 2017 | 498 Pages
Reviewed by Stuart Abrahams
W
hen I left yeshivah and began dental school almost thirty years ago, several of my friends remarked that I had chosen a “good” field because there are not too many halachic issues to contend with in dentistry. Within the first few days I realized that this was simply not the case. I began compiling a list of halachic questions that came up and I spoke with my rav on a regular basis to determine how to proceed. At that time, there were almost no broadly available resources on dentistry and halachah. Occasionally, I would come across a few articles dealing with issues such as what constitutes a chatzitzah (a barrier when immersing in the mikvah) or how to handle dentures on Pesach. One article I recall addressed emergency dental treatment on Shabbat. When it came to she’eilot involving insurance, patient financing, et cetera, we had to extrapolate from the broader literature on medical halachah. In the early 1990s, the Association of Orthodox Jewish Scientists organized two yemei iyun in which the topic of halachah and dentistry was covered; nevertheless, in general each dentist was on his own, not only to ask she’eilot, but also to determine when she’eilot needed to be asked. Frum patients were also in the dark, as many were not aware of the halachic issues that 108
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Is a procedure for cosmetic purposes considered refuah or not? arose in the course of their treatment. With the recent publication of Rabbi Dr. David J. Katz’s sefer entitled Kesser Dovid: The Halachic Guide to Dentistry, the situation has been greatly remedied. In this work of nearly 500 pages, Dr. Katz analyzes many of the issues facing dentists and their patients. Each section begins with a short introduction and historical background of the subject under discussion. The author traces each topic from the relevant Talmudic sources through the classical Rishonim and Acharonim and concludes with the halachic opinions of the major contemporary posekim. Dr. Katz clearly
demonstrates his deep understanding of the gamut of dentistry. Every dental procedure is elucidated, making the sefer understandable for readers without a medical background. As an example, one chapter deals with the permissibility of undergoing elective or purely cosmetic procedures. The gemara in Bava Kama records a debate about whether self-wounding is a Biblical or rabbinic prohibition, and the halachah is codified in the Shulchan Aruch. Clearly, wounding for the purpose of healing (e.g., surgery) is permitted, but what about procedures that are not explicitly required? Is a procedure for cosmetic purposes considered “refuah” or not? And if not, if a patient gives consent, is that considered as if he wounded himself? The author raises this as well as several other concerns. Many posekim are of the opinion that if the real or perceived aesthetic lack is potentially psychologically detrimental, then certain interventions are allowed. In light of this ruling, Dr. Katz analyzes procedures such as veneering teeth, gingival contouring and Botox use. The book concludes with a chapter on dental and oral health issues found in Tanach and in rabbinic literature. Although the standard caveat about not determining halachah based on non-primary sources applies here as well, the book serves as an invaluable resource in understanding the issues that could arise in the field of dentistry. This book will be greatly appreciated not only by dentists and rabbis but by those with an interest in the interface of medicine and halachah. It is my sincere hope that this book will be the first of many by Dr. Katz and that it will inspire others to compose more works of this nature. Dr. Stuart Abrahams is the dental director at a New York City-based health fund. He received semichah from Rav Yaakov Rosenthal, zt”l, in 2004.
REVIEWS IN BRIEF
By Gil Student
Halachos of Brochos for all Seasons
By Yisroel Pinchos Bodner Feldheim Publishers Spring Valley, New York, 2018 | 768 pages
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s Orthodox publishing exploded in the 1980s, Rabbi Pinchos Bodner held a unique role in its development. He published his own books on halachah that earned a special place, particularly his Halachos of Muktza and Halachos of Brochos. He took extremely complex subjects and methodically broke them down into clear sections, explaining all of the laws in simple English. Any person with even a limited background could master the otherwise obscure laws he covered. Additionally, his Hebrew footnotes provided deeper discussion and textual references for those with a more scholarly background. Rabbi Bodner particularly excels in solving a need that people do not even realize exist. Before his book on muktzah, no one was asking for such a book. After it was published, it became indispensable to a quality Torah library. Rabbi Bodner has continued publishing fine works of halachic scholarship over the subsequent years. His latest publication is a masterpiece. Before I saw the book, I had never conceived Rabbi Gil Student writes frequently on Jewish issues and runs Torahmusings.com. He is a member of the Jewish Action Editoral Board.
Before I saw the book, I had never conceived of a work covering the various blessings throughout the year. Now that I have read it, I don’t know how we survived without it. of a work covering the various blessings throughout the year. Now that I have read it, I don’t know how we survived without it. In Halachos of Brochos for All Seasons, Rabbi Bodner addresses each holiday one by one, discussing all the halachic questions on the blessings of the holiday. He covers candle lighting, Kiddush, Shehecheyanu, bentching and seasonal additions to prayer. For Rosh Hashanah, he discusses the blessings on the shofar. For Yom Kippur, how to recite 100 blessings without eating or drinking. For Shavuot, he addresses questions that arise from snacking all night and drinking multiple cups of coffee. For Tishah B’Av, he discusses a brit milah and pidyon haben that are held on the fast day. These are only some of the many detailed issues he covers with his characteristic organization and clarity. This book is a comprehensive resource for anything relating to holiday blessings, the kind of text worth reviewing in advance of a holiday and keeping
handy in case questions arise. Rabbi Bodner has changed one important aspect of his books. In his earlier works, he published lists of questions he had asked leading authorities like Rabbi Moshe Feinstein. In this latest book, Rabbi Bodner no longer has access to long-deceased scholars. However, in his footnotes he cites broadly from secondary literature about the views of Rabbi Moshe Feinstein, Rabbi Shlomo Zalman Auerbach and Rabbi Yosef Shalom Elyashiv.
Setting a Table for Two: Enhancing Relationships, Achieving Intimacy
By Avraham Peretz Friedman Compass Books Linden, New Jersey, 2018 | 140 pages
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n 1992, Rabbi Avraham Peretz Friedman published a book that would become standard reading material for Orthodox couples prior to marriage. His Table For Two teaches the basic lessons needed for a successful marriage, which boil down to applying to marriage the skills of being a good person. Readers are told ideas that should be natural, but in fact need to be taught and reviewed time after time; for example, focusing on listening to your spouse; setting aside time in your busy schedule to communicate, and treating your spouse respectfully in private and particularly in public. Rabbi Friedman explains why these skills are important from a Jewish perspective, using Torah lessons and stories as a guide. Significantly, he does not sprinkle a Torah topping onto an Spring 5779/2019 JEWISH ACTION
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[Rabbi Safran] is keenly aware of the challenges of loneliness, the temptations of cynicism, the subtle yet insidious subversion of Torah values we face every day. essentially secular lesson; his messages emerge from the Torah. He applies basic Torah concepts to contemporary life in an accessible and enjoyable way. This book teaches how to fulfill interpersonal commandments properly. Table For Two was such a best-seller because every individual needs to be figuratively hit over the head with the common sense inherent in its lessons. Basic decency is so hard when life pressures mount and our selfish survival instincts take control. Rabbi Friedman takes great care to speak realistically. We will not be perfect spouses, which means that we can all improve our behavior. In this twenty-fifth anniversary revised edition, Setting a Table for Two, Rabbi Friedman revisits the book with the insight of two-and-a-half decades of feedback. One insight he adds in this new edition deserves special mention: “It is not possible to overstate the disastrous repercussions of teasing, sarcasm, cynicism, impatience, laziness, self-absorption, or neglect in a home.” In the revised book, Rabbi Friedman adds a synopsis of another book he published later—Marital Intimacy: 110
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A Traditional Jewish Approach, a conceptual guide to the physical side of marriage. Setting a Table for Two is an essential guide to communication, love and success in marriage. It deserves frequent review to help us improve ourselves and our relationships.
Pearls From the Torah: Something Old, Something New
By Eliyahu Safran Ktav Publishing House Brooklyn, New York, 2018 | 703 pages
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he rabbinate as a profession contains multiple paths and areas of specialization. These include the pulpit, education and other specific concentrations, each of which requires unique skills. Many rabbis master one or two of these areas after years of honing their trade. Rabbi Dr. Eliyahu Safran is the rare individual who has risen to the top of many different fields in his remarkable rabbinic career(s). As a synagogue rabbi, a school principal, a kosher expert, a published author and a sought-after orator, he has refined his immense natural talents on many different levels to allow him to succeed in multiple roles. Along the way, Rabbi Safran has published essays on the weekly Torah reading. On the one hand, his style is classical. He writes with the eloquence of a prior generation, carefully following the best practices of style and form. His metaphors pierce; his parables hit home. His sermons resonate with the tone of a practiced preacher, a rabbi who knows how to elicit interest with the careful turn of phrase and pointed question. On the other hand, Rabbi Safran stands firmly in the twenty-first century. Famously, he met his beloved wife online. He is keenly aware of the challenges of loneliness, the temptations of cynicism, the subtle yet insidious
subversion of Torah values we face every day. He addresses the dangers of cookie-cutter education: “We must learn from Yaakov’s example and always encourage our children and students to develop and pursue their unique strengths and gifts.” The importance of acceptance of others: “Preparing to pray, like preparing to receive the Torah, asks of me that I embrace the community. I must love my fellow Jews.” The necessity of tradition: “Authentic Jewish experience is rooted in yesterday’s Jewish behaviors and precedent. We do not live in a vacuum of time but nestled within the fullness of Jewish experience and teaching.” The emotional value of giving: “If you ever feel down, reach out to someone else rather than hope someone reaches out to you. You will be amazed at how good you will feel.” Something Old, Something New is a brilliant rabbi’s classical sermons about contemporary problems. Rabbi Dr. Safran brings his formidable talents to bear on the questions of modern life, showing that the Torah remains eternally relevant.
One of the Thirty-Six Hidden Tzaddikim: HaGaon Rav Yitzchak Silber zt”l His Life and Legacy, As Told by His Students and Those Close to Him By Avraham Cohen Feldheim Publishers Spring Valley, New York, 2018 | 366 pages
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abbi Yitzchak Silber’s memoirs, To Remain A Jew, became an instant classic on publication. In it, he tells the story of his struggle to remain an observant Jew in the Soviet Union. Throughout the book, the reader is astounded by the author’s commitment, faith and strength of character. It is
a salary for the very things that Rabbi always incongruous when someone Silber did at his own expense. The book purportedly humble publishes his life story. However, his experiences contains many stories from witnesses deserve dissemination because of the about the incredible effort Rabbi Silber unique challenges he faced under put into resolving difficult divorces. Communist oppression and the This book is hard to understand lessons of his unshakable commitment. without first reading To Remain Because of this, Rabbi Yitzchok Hutner A Jew. Those who have read the insisted he publish his memoirs. original will find here perspectives on And yet, call me skeptical but I always some of the stories in the book and wonder how much is true. Everyone sees many more from his life in Israel. reality through his own eyes, particularly regarding his own successes and failures. An author chooses what to omit and how to describe the circumstances. I was always nagged by the suspicion that Sefer To Remain A Jew is too remarkable to be true. Not too miraculous, because Kelot the book isn’t about miracles that Rabbi Moshe Silber experienced or invoked, but too outrageous with regard to the author’s unfailing energy and consistency. After Rabbi Silber’s passing, one of his students, Rabbi Avraham Cohen, collected personal testimonies about By Moshe Genack Rabbi Silber. The book, One of the Mechon Aleh Zayit, 2019 | 84 pages Thirty-Six Hidden Tzaddikim, consists Reviewed by Chaim Goldstein of hundreds of pages of brief stories of individuals’ interactions with Rabbi here are halachic specifications Silber. His children reveal incidents governing all sorts of different of their father’s humility and wisdom. acquisitions. Jewish law has a specific Others tell more surprising tales. way in which land, for instance, must There is a story from a taxi driver who be acquired. There are specifications would occasionally be hired to drive governing how one acquires a moveable around Jerusalem for an hour while object. And, of course, there are laws Rabbi Silber, recognizing that the explaining how a marital ceremony driver’s busy schedule precluded his is concretized. But, as Rabbi Moshe learning Torah, taught him about the Genack asks in his introduction to weekly Torah reading. A couple that Sefer Kelot Moshe, how does one was civilly married in Russia needed a acquire a relationship with God? His Jewish wedding in Israel. Unfortunately, answer—part of a moving tribute it was the day after 9/11 and all the to his distinguished relative, Rabbi stores in Tel Aviv were closed. Rabbi Avraham Genachovsky zt”l (1936-2013), Silber conducted the chuppah in his rosh yeshivah of Yeshivas Kochav apartment and, due to the lack of a MiYaakov, the Tchebiner Yeshiva wedding ring for this kosher wedding, in Jerusalem—is clear. In order to he gave them his Kiddush cup, which acquire a relationship with God one he did not accept back after the must be moser nefesh—offer a part of ceremony; it was his gift to the couple. their very self in the service of God. Rabbi Zalman Nechemiah Goldberg tells how Rabbi Silber would arrange gittin from recalcitrant husbands, often paying them large amounts of money to comply as well as paying the scribes to write the gittin. Rabbi Goldberg explains that he and others who worked for the Rabbanut received
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Indeed, an ethic of self-sacrifice and personal generosity is evident throughout this volume. The author, an emerging leader in the Jewish community, possesses a singular ability to distill complex Talmudic discussions into brilliant conceptual categories. Though this work was written as a tribute to Rabbi Genachovsky, each page radiates a rare warmth that provides entrance into the rarefied air of Talmudic interpretation. While written in rabbinic Hebrew, the volume nonetheless seems to be geared for both scholars and laymen alike. As Rabbi Elya Ber Wachtfogel, rosh yeshivah of Yeshiva of South Fallsburg, New York, remarks in his introductory letter, this work is “a remarkable sefer which explains the subjects under discussion in detail and with logic.” Similarly, Rabbi Asher Weiss, in his introductory approbation, admits that “I was amazed by how the author descended to the depths of important sugyot, with great breadth of knowledge and straightforward logic.” The sefer includes an intriguing story about Rabbi Genachovsky, who encouraged the author to publish his chiddushim. Although Rav Avraham himself did not sing zemirot on Shabbat, he would sometimes ask his guests to sing. On one such occasion, those present noticed that during the course of one song, Rav Avraham had completed seven dapim of Masechet Taanit. Apparently, Rav Avraham would review seven dapim each day in order to complete Shas every year, and he took advantage of the opportunity provided by his guests’ singing interlude to complete his allotment. Although the title alludes to the completion of the Tabernacle, we hope that this is only the beginning of the author’s significant contributions to Torah literature.
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LASTING IMPRESSIONS
THE MYSTERY of the HALF A MATZAH By David Olivestone
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was told by a couple of the talmidim of Rabbi Joseph Ber Soloveitchik, zt”l, that the Rav maintained that every minhag—even just a family tradition—usually has some sort of basis in halachah. Family traditions were very important to my father a”h, and he was always careful to do mitzvot exactly as they had been handed down to him by my grandfather. A first-rate talmid chacham, my grandfather was what was often called a kolboynik (a sort of Jewish Jack-of-all-trades), who served as the rabbi/chazzan/shochet/mohel and melamed in various small communities in England and Wales during the first half of the twentieth century. When I questioned my father as to why he did something a certain way, the answer was always because that was the way his father had done it. Most of the time, it wasn’t hard to find that there was indeed a halachic basis for our family minhagim. For example, at Minchah on Tishah B’Av we take off our tefillin immediately after Kedushah, whereas most men keep them on until Minchah is completely over. In the Sha’arei Teshuvah, a commentary on the Shulchan Aruch, I discovered that this was the pesak of the Maharil. But—up until now, that is—I couldn’t find any halachic clue that would help me solve the mystery of the half a matzah. You see, when he did bedikat chametz (the search for leaven), my father, like everyone else, took a candle to
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light the way, a feather to collect the crumbs and a bag to hold the pieces of chametz that he found. But, unlike everyone else, he always put half a matzah into the bag. “Why?” I asked. “Because that’s what my father did,” was the only response I ever got. In order to arrive at the solution to this puzzle, we need to go back another two generations, to my father’s maternal grandfather, Zvi (or Hirsch) Zelig Siemion, known to all as Reb Zelig. Born in Warsaw in 1856, he and my great-grandmother, Soroh Leah, moved to Antwerp in 1904 and then to England in 1914 at the outbreak of World War I. He gained a reputation, not only as one of the best shochetim in London, but also as a ba’al chesed. According to Rabbi Harry Rabinowicz in his book A World Apart: The Story of the Chasidim in Britain, “. . . his home became a veritable shelter for homeless refugees; no one was ever refused hospitality.” Reb Zelig lived to be over eighty years old, but his life was violently cut short during the German Blitz. Like most of the population of London during that terrible time, my great-grandparents would spend their nights in an air-raid shelter. On the night of the twenty-first of Elul (September 23/24) 1940, for no apparent reason, they went to a different shelter from the one in which they usually slept. This shelter received a direct hit from a German bomb, killing Reb Zelig, Soroh Leah, their daughter Esther, son-in-law
Moshe Brown, and granddaughter Chanah Rochel. It was a sad and cruel fate, which weighed heavily on my grandparents for many years. But now to the solution of our mystery. . . . Last year, a couple of weeks before Pesach, I went to Meah Shearim to buy shemurah matzah. As he was wrapping my package, the baker told me that he had not taken challah1 from the batch of matzot. I must have looked a bit blank, because he said, “Just burn half a matzah with your chametz.” I nodded and wished him chag same’ach, but as I left, I had a sudden, glorious light bulb moment. Unwittingly, the baker had just handed me the reason for the half a matzah that had eluded me all these years. I recalled that I had been told that Reb Zelig had an oven in his attic in which he would bake matzot for his entire family each erev Pesach. (According to my mother, a”h, they were so hard that you had to be careful not to break your teeth on them.) Apparently, or so I surmised, he also didn’t take challah when he baked his matzot, and he must have told my grandfather, who told my father, to burn half a matzah with his chametz. That must be how this became a family minhag, but the reason for it somehow got lost along the way. Finally, I had solved the mystery of the half a matzah, and it did indeed have its roots in the halachah. So don’t belittle the traditions that you inherit from your forebears, and if there is one you can’t explain, look for clues and ask around, because the answer is definitely out there somewhere. Note 1. A portion of the dough that was originally given to the kohen and which nowadays is burned (Bemidbar 15:20).
David Olivestone, a member of Jewish Action’s Editorial Committee and a frequent contributor to the magazine, lives in Jerusalem with his wife Ceil.
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