REBBETZIN SHIRA SMILES Faculty, OU Israel Center
Sharing and Caring
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here is an art of giving, how, what, and to whom it is fitting to give. The Torah gives a clear directive by teaching us to “...open your hand to [your destitute brother]; you shall lend him his requirement, whatever is lacking to him” (Devarim 15;8). In this one pasuk lies fundamental lessons in the mastery of benevolence. The Gra notes the double language of “patoach tiftach et yadcha”. When you look at your hand with a clenched fist, you may notice that all the fingers are relatively the same size. It is only when we open our hand that we see the different sizes of each finger. This conveys an imperative in giving; one size does not fit all. Each person and situation must be sized up individually to see what the needs are and how respond accordingly.
In Alei Shur, Rav Wolbe teaches that the root of chesed is found in the final phrase of the passuk, “asher yechsar lo”, whatever is lacking to him. The first essential principle in giving is to identify and sometimes intuit what are the needs of another. At times the necessity will be financial, at other times it may be a spiritual, medical, or deeply 24
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personal need. One who is a true giver will sense what is lacking and will be able to offer appropriate assistance. We often know what we ourselves are missing, but it takes a person who can step outside the self to see what another is missing. How do we know another’s needs? Often people are reticent to share their deficiencies; no one likes to feel indebted to someone else. Rav Wolbe notes an additional principle in giving, to have “hearat panim”. When meeting others we should be careful to not only say a perfunctory hello, but to express a true interest in their situation. When we converse openly and share genuine concern, people are more inclined to disclose their needs, and we are then better able to help. Rav Gamliel Rabinowitz in Tiv HaTorah teaches an additional valuable principle. Whenever a person approaches you to share his challenges and struggles, know that it is hashgacha pratit that you were chosen to hear it. If you can help, Rav Gamliel continues, then that is your mitzvah and you should do so. If you are unable to help, at the very least you should daven for the person and ask Hashem to alleviate his pain. Giving is not only filling a physical need, it is feeling empathy and davening for relief and appealing for deliverance on behalf of our brothers and sisters.
