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STAFF LIST Jacey Gibb Editor-in-chief editor@theotherpress.ca Natalie Serafini Assistant Editor assistant@theotherpress.ca Angela Ho Business Manager accounting@theotherpress.ca Chris Paik Distribution Manager Cody Klyne Layout Manager
You’ve got a friend in me (but it’ll cost you)
Joel McCarthy Graphics Manager Ed Appleby Ilustrator Jony Roy Social Media Coordinator Patrick Vaillancourt News Editor news@theotherpress.ca Cheryl Minns Arts Editor arts@theotherpress.ca Sophie Isbister Life & Style Editor lifeandstyle@theotherpress.ca Elliot Chan Opinions Editor opinions@theotherpress.ca Eric Wilkins Sports Editor sports@theotherpress.ca Courtnie Martin Sports Reporter Sharon Miki Humour Editor humour@theotherpress.ca Aidan Mouellic Cazzy Lewchuk Julia Siedlanowska Staff Writers Steven Cayer, Brittney MacDonald Senior Columnists Angela Espinoza, Jerrison Oracion Columnists Michael Chmielewski, Allie Davison, Lindsey Florio, Joshua Grant, Taylor Pitt, Klara Woldenga Contributors
By www.torrentku.com
Jacey Gibb Editor-in-chief editor @theotherpress.ca
I
t was several years ago when I first became acquainted with Rent-A-Friend. Made in 1986, the VHS featured a man named Sam having a one-sided conversation with the viewer, leaving pauses in-between his questions for you to answer. The idea behind Rent-A-Friend was people who were lonely for inter-human connectivity could rent the tape and enjoy someone else’s company without the anxiety that comes with normal social situations. You can readily find Rent-A-Friend online thanks to video archaeologists Joe Pickett and Nick Prueher, a duo who dedicate their time to uncovering forgotten VHS tapes and presenting them via the Found Footage Festival. Once you get past the initial creepiness of the video (all 42 minutes of it), something new takes over: empathy, for the kinds of lonely souls who actually used this service to rent a friend. Pickett and Prueher actually tracked down the
creator of Rent-A-Friend, Ben Hollis, and asked him about his intentions with the video; apparently Hollis genuinely meant for Rent-A-Friend to help people and had even envisioned doing a whole series of them, with friend dates available in a range of places and scenarios— unfortunately/fortunately the first video didn’t prove successful enough and remains as the sole instalment. Fast forward 23 years later and along comes RentAFriend. com, “a website that allows you to rent local friends from all over the world.” So what are people using said rented friends for? Suggested activities include (taken from the website’s homepage) friends with disabled, wingman/ wingwoman, hot air balloon, religious, prom dates, and psychic. ‘Cause the main thing holding me back from hot air ballooning was not having the right friend to go with. The reason I bring this type of service up now is CBC recently reported on a similar website, Friends For Hire, launching in Australia later this month. Online comments about the article ranged from opportunist to ruthless, with
some using it as a commentary on how dependent on technology/social media we’ve become. But that’s the problem with Internet commenters: everyone seems to sprout a PhD and the ability to diagnose anything they can’t relate to. Never mind the people who were commenting and saying the service is a good idea/they would use it; they must all be unable to socialize under normal circumstances. Would I ever pay $10 (the starting rate for most friends for hire) or more an hour to hang out with someone? I’m inclined to say no, but there may have been a time when I considered it. When I moved to Vancouver in 2010, the initial months were some of the loneliest I’ve ever experienced in my life. It’s hard making friends when you’re attending a commuter college (something I think we can all agree Douglas is) and I didn’t have a job, so there weren’t a lot of opportunities to meet people. Plenty of good came out of that desperation for friendship—it’s one of the reasons why I became so enthralled with the Other Press right from the beginning—but there were more than a few
times where I found myself with an extra concert ticket and absolutely no one to invite. It’s impossible for me to say whether I would have used this kind of service if I knew about it then; it definitely adds some perspective to it though. I refuse to buy into this garbage that social media/ technology are the reason why services like RentAFriend.com are needed. Loneliness has been around since before Twitter came along and while some people have become socially inept thanks to things like cellphone over-usage, others are just bad at interacting. Social media didn’t invent lonely people; it’s just encouraging them. While long-term use of this kind of service could prove detrimental (what if someone had to rent their whole wedding party?) it might just provide people with the confidence to overcome their initial anxieties and maybe go on to make future friends who don’t charge them by the hour.
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The Other Press has been Douglas College’s student newspaper since 1976. Since 1978 we have been an autonomous publication, independent of the student union. We are a registered society under the Society Act of British Columbia, governed by an eight-person board of directors appointed by our staff. Our head office is located in the New Westminster campus.
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The Other Press is published weekly during the fall and winter semesters, and monthly during
This issue:
Have an idea for a story? Let us know!
Vancouver tech companies rumoured to go public
Contact: Patrick Vaillancourt, News Editor
KaBoom! gathers local talent at Port Moody City Hall
news@theotherpress.ca
Harper in BC after trading cows for cars
www.theotherpress.ca
And more!
Quebec Premier Marois calls election for next month Parti Québécois’ early lead in polls could lead to re-introduction of sovereignty debate Patrick Vaillancourt News Editor news @theotherpress.ca
Q
uébécois voters will be headed to the polls later this spring as the Parti Québécois (PQ) government under Premier Pauline Marois will seek to release itself from the shackles of minority government. The government, which was elected in 2012, has required the help of opposition parties in order to govern since the start of its mandate. The election, which is scheduled for April 7, will pit Marois against the leaders of 19 other parties, although many of them are minor parties. This time around, the PQ is the incumbent government and has managed to hold a slight edge in the polls going into the election. Since the writ has been dropped, Leger Marketing reports the PQ in the lead with 37 per cent support, followed by the opposition Quebec Liberal Party with 35 per cent support.
The upstart Coalition Avenir Quebec (CAQ) trailed with only 14 per cent. The PQ has since recruited an all-star candidate in Pierre Karl Peladeau, the CEO of Quebecor and Sun Media Corporation. Peladeau’s recruitment by the separatist PQ has raised questions amongst some of Peladeau’s closest friends and advisors, including former Canadian prime minister Brian Mulroney, who is the vicechairman of Quebecor and its chief legal counsel. Mulroney said that although he’s surprised that Peladeau would campaign with a separatist party, that he would not publicly denounce his friend or campaign against his political ambitions. Peladeau will run in the Quebec riding of St. Jérôme, a traditional PQ stronghold just outside of Montreal. The announcement of his candidacy has stolen some of Marois’ thunder as Quebecers begin touting the businessman as a potential successor for the premiership of the province. Marois has downplayed
the talk of Peladeau’s political leadership potential, saying that she intends to govern as premier if she were to receive a renewed mandate. “I am a determined premier, and a determined woman,” said Marois. Public opinion of the government has remained steady, but is not yet in the territory of a majority government, according to most polls. The government has benefitted from a rise in support after scrapping plans to increase tuition fees for Quebec university students, a proposal that led to the downfall of the previous Liberal government under Jean Charest in 2012. Charest lost his own seat in his Sherbrooke riding, and resigned from politics a day after the election. The Marois government has come under fire in the last year as both Quebec and much of Canada react to the party’s proposal to scale back religious freedoms. PQ proposed a charter of values, which would prohibit the wearing of religious symbols by Quebec public employees.
Premier Pauline Marois // By www.huffingtonpost.ca
Support your local literature publication ‘EVENT’ magazine holds fundraising book sale Aidan Mouellic Staff Writer, Cheryl Minns Arts Editor
A
new generation of writers is gearing up to share their works with the literary world, but they can only do it with your help. Douglas College’s EVENT literary magazine presents its annual used book sale in the New Westminster campus concourse until March 21. The volunteer-run sale features used books, CDs, DVDs, and magazines generously donated by Douglas College faculty and students with new items being added daily. Previous years have included signed books by Canadian authors such as Lorna Crozier, so keep an eye out for some great finds. EVENT magazine publishes three times a year and features
fiction, poetry, non-fiction, and book reviews. It contains 90 per cent Canadian content, including student works, and has been in print for over 42 years. The publication accepts English-language submissions from around the world and is also home to the longest running non-fiction writing contest of its kind in Canada. “Seeing your work in print for the first time can be a defining moment,” said Calvin Wharton, the Chair of the Creative Writing department, which publishes EVENT magazine. “For students, it can really give them a feeling of confidence about their writing.” For writers hoping to hone their skills, EVENT also offers feedback reading services to writers who are hoping for feedback on their submitted pieces. The service costs $100, and provides a substantial amount of valuable
feedback in addition to a oneyear subscription to EVENT magazine. For more information on the reading service, visit the Douglas College Creative Writing department’s website, or the magazine’s website at www. eventmagazine.ca Douglas College’s Creative Writing department has a rich history made evident by the endurance of its publications. The program’s good reputation was also highlighted when the college’s marketing team featured Stephanie Toth, an alumnus of the Creative Writing department, in a recent Douglas College advertising campaign seen throughout the Lower Mainland. The college takes its student writers seriously, and the Creative Writing department’s publications get them in print early on. The fundraising book sale will run from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. until March 21.
By www.eventmagazine.ca
news // 4
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Vancouver tech companies rumoured to go public HootSuite IPO could be the start of tech sector resurgence in stock market Patrick Vaillancourt News Editor news @theotherpress.ca
A
Vancouver-based tech company has toyed with the idea of going public, causing speculations that the Canadian technology sector could be due for a resurgence. The social media management platform HootSuite, which made headlines last spring as it struggled with media reports that it was not paying some of its interns, is projected to hit the public stock market within the next two years, according to financial experts. Currently, mining and energy stocks are predominant on the Canadian Stock Exchange. A decline in mining and natural resource stocks could lead to the resurgence of a tech boom—a bubble which burst in the early 2000s with the failure of Canadian technology giants, such as Nortel Networks. Technology companies in Canada are making some investors wealthy, with an average 36 per cent rise in value in 2013—comparable
to competitors south of the border. The government’s funding model for private companies is lucrative enough to keep companies like HootSuite from crossing the border into the United States. HootSuite counts PepsiCo, Sony Music, IBM, and Tiffany & Co. amongst its major clients, and analysts say that the social media management company will fit right in on the Toronto Stock Exchange (TSX). Desire2Learn Inc. and Vision Critical Communications Inc. are also among companies that may consider an initial public offering (IPO) in the next two years. HootSuite, Desire2Learn, and Vision Critical “certainly are big enough and the markets are ready enough,” said Tom Astle, an executive from Difference Capital, a Toronto investment firm. “The market still seems to be fairly open.” The technology sector is expected to raise upwards of $400 million through IPOs this year, which seems to indicate that tech stocks are making a comeback in Canada. Nortel Networks went bankrupt in 2009, along with Canadian smartphone-maker BlackBerry’s decline in recent years, have
crippled what was once a powerful sector on the Toronto Stock Exchange. The decline in resource stocks over the last five years and the rise of software platforms, especially those linked to social media websites, have contributed to the growth of the tech sector. Sanjiv Samant, head of technology for Canaccord Genuity, said that tech stocks will pick up where mining stocks have declined. Samant said that, “generally speaking, it looks like investors are gearing up for a bigger cycle on the technology side right now.” HootSuite, along with several other Canadian technology upstarts, are among businesses invested in by the Ontario Municipal Employees pension fund (OMERS), which has a reputation for providing pre-IPO capital investment. OMERS has said that it has a number of companies ready for IPO and that Canadian investors are looking for new tech stocks to put in their investment portfolios. “We have the deepest IPO pipeline that we’ve ever seen,” said John Ruffolo, an OMERS investor.
Hootsuite mascot, Owly, meets Grumpy Cat // By www.facebook.com
‘City of the Arts’ organizes event to showcase local artists KaBoom! gathers local talent at Port Moody City Hall
Julia Siedlanowska Staff Writer
T
he City of Port Moody is organizing a project called “KaBoom!” to showcase its local artists. An idea set in motion last summer by the Port Moody Arts and Culture Committee, the project has compiled a directory of registered artists, as well as a showcase of their talent on April 5 at the City Hall Galleria. “It’s a who’s who of artists,” says City Councillor Zöe Royer. “The legacy piece from this event will be the catalogue of every artist, Port Moody-based, that has registered for this event. It will be a book that will showcase key Port Moody artists and further elevate our distinction as a ‘city of the arts’… and also give added exposure to many of our artists who have international acclaim.”
The event will feature over 25 performances, while the catalogue has over 140 registered artists. The hope is to put Port Moody artists at the forefront in the eyes of area residents, and to create a community of performers who not only know each other, but also recognize each other’s work. “We want everybody in the Lower Mainland to know that Port Moody is an artist centre—a community of artists. We want all eyes drawn towards us,” says Rose Kapp, an event coordinator hired by the City of Port Moody to help organize the project. “It’s actually a two-part project,” says Kapp, “It’s the evening party—like an artist happening from the ‘60s. The other part of it is the catalogue or compendium. It’s going to be a 64-page catalogue of as many performers and artists who will have sent in their submissions, and we have about 140. And that’s only the tip of the iceberg.”
Although Port Moody bears the title “City of the Arts,” and has a large number of selfidentified artists, this is the first effort to create a print registry to organize them all. Kapp believes people will be surprised at the numbers they hear, saying that even event coordinators did not expect there to be such a high number of artists based in the city. Brad Letwin, one of the Arts and Culture committee members, wants to showcase artists in a way that would “advertise” them. “We didn’t want to discriminate about the type of art that was being done so we wanted visual artists, performance artists, musicians, writers, and we wanted to put them together in a compendium, in a print medium so that people could actually look and see who was here, and have kind of an immediate knowledge of what was around.” Councillor Royer also has
other people in mind for the directory, saying “I hope that when city planners are meeting with developers or city staff are meeting with investors, not only will they present them with our annual report, or our focus newsletter… but they’ll present them with a compendium of Port Moody- based artists, because it’s the ‘City of the Arts.’” Peller Estates Wines has been a supporter of the project along with several local businesses. Letwin revealed that performers would include Mr. World Canada 2013 Frankie Cena and the Caulfield School of Dance; however, he wanted the rest to remain a surprise. One confirmed artist is Sarah Dixon, creator and artistic director of Rebel Haunt Theatre, a Port Moody theatre company performing site-specific theatre. Dixon is also one of the organizers in charge of KaBoom!’s performance night. “As an artist I believe the
Letwin revealed that performers would include Frankie Cena and the Caulfield School of Dance existence of art and artistic creation is a basic human need. I see KaBoom! as a gathering that celebrates all art and the amazing act of creating it,” says Dixon. “An opportunity for artists and the community to come together and honour the creation and presence of art in our lives is not to be missed,” she added. This will be the first event of its kind in Port Moody and organizers are confident in its success.
issue 23 // volume 40
news // 5
Harper in BC after trading cows for cars PM Stephen Harper talks up benefits of
Canada-South Korea free-trade agreement Patrick Vaillancourt News Editor news @theotherpress.ca
P
rime Minister Stephen Harper stopped in Vancouver on March 12 after returning from an historic trip to South Korea, where both countries finally signed a long-awaited free-trade pact. Harper met with South Korean President Park Geun-hye on to sign a free-trade agreement (FTA) that has been in the works for a decade. This is the first FTA Canada has signed in East Asia, and follows similar agreements South Korea has implemented with the United States. Harper states that the deal, which will virtually remove all tariffs for goods travelling between the two countries, will benefit British Columbia the most. “There is no province that is going to benefit from this deal with Korea more than British Columbia,” said Harper to business leaders at the BC Chamber of Commerce. Harper said that British Columbia is most familiar with “export opportunities that exist in Korea and through Korea to other Asian markets.” The Canadian government hopes that the deal with Korea will be the beginning of renewed free-trade negotiations with other countries. Once fully implemented, the elimination of tariffs on Korean imported goods will be welcome news to Canadian consumers looking to purchase a wide-array of electronics and vehicles made by Korean auto powerhouses Hyundai and Kia Motors. The agreement includes provisions favourable to the South Koreans, who sought to protect some of their agricultural products, such as rice, from market liberalization. On the flip side, Korean consumers can expect to pay less for food and other agricultural products, such as beef, pork, grains, and mineral fuels and oils. South Korea will gradually reduce tariffs on Canadian beef over a period of 15 years. The Canadian auto industry has been vocal in their opposition to the free-trade deal with South Korea, saying that the pact would likely result in
Harper, however, defended the deal by saying that Canadian industry simply has to become more competitive. the loss of thousands of Ontario auto-manufacturing jobs. Harper, however, defended the deal by saying that Canadian industry simply has to become more competitive. “We’re in an era where we are not going to win by trying to protect sectors,” said the prime minister. “We have got to get out there, we’ve got to compete with the best and we’ve got to win.” Auto unions cite an almost $4-billion trade deficit between Canada and Korea, most of which is in the auto sector; the unions also say that the value of cars will far outweigh the value of any agricultural products Canadian farmers will send to the Korean peninsula, which threatens to only further the trade deficit. Critics of the agreement may be correct. The trade deficit between the United States and South Korea only grew after the implementation of the 2012 USROK Free-Trade Agreement, with reports that the US has lost roughly $9.2-billion in exports in the first two years of the agreement. Many American economists are calling the deal a “failure.” The signing of the FTA was also an opportunity for both Harper and President Park Geun-hye to speak to a broader audience, playing up their respective global issues. Harper called on Russia to put an end to their involvement in the ongoing crisis in Ukraine, while the South Korean president called on Harper to support Korea’s desire to join the multilateral Trans-Pacific Partnership (TPP). “Following the FTA, we have another tool to further boost investment and trade of our two countries, namely the TPP,” said Park. “I hope that Canada will support us if we take part.” The pact is now undergoing a legal review process in both countries before it will be brought to lawmakers for adoption. The deal could be implemented as early as June.
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This issue:
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Cat Thomson delivers beautiful talent
Contact: Cheryl Minns, Arts Editor
Students to present creative writing at ‘Pearls 33’ book launch
arts@theotherpress.ca
The Correspondents’ ‘Puppet Loosely Strung’ review
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And more!
Wes Anderson gets more violent in latest film
‘The Grand Budapest Hotel’ review Jerrison Oracion Columnist
T
he more films Wes Anderson makes, the more period pieces he takes on. His latest film, The Grand Budapest Hotel, takes place in the 1960s and the 1930s as it follows a fictional memoir by an author named Author. The film begins with Author (Jude Law) in the Grand Budapest Hotel in Zubrowka in 1968 having dinner with the hotel’s owner, Zero Moustafa (F. Murray Abraham). Moustafa tells Author a story about himself in 1932 when he (with Tony Revolori playing Moustafa
as a young man) worked in the hotel as a lobby boy with his boss and surrogate father, Gustave H. (Ralph Fiennes). When Gustave is accused of murdering his former lover, Madame D. (Tilda Swinton), he and Zero try to prove his innocence and convince the police that he did not murder her. Though the film is stacked with superb performances, a few of the highlights include Saoirse Ronan, who plays Zero’s girlfriend Agatha, and Harvey Keitel, who plays Ludwig. The film is based on various stories by Stefan Zweig and has everything that you would expect in a Wes Anderson movie, including a lot of surprisingly violent scenes.
Ralph Fiennes, Saoirse Ronan, and Tony Revolori in The Grand Budapest Hotel // By Bob Yeoman
It’s a bloodbath party! ‘300: Rise of an Empire’ review
Steven Cayer Senior Columnist
I
t’s been seven long years since Gerard Butler started the bloodbath party in 300. Finally, another instalment in the epic franchise has been released, titled 300: Rise of an Empire. It takes place before, during, and after the events of the first movie. It’s actually the same movie, but from a different perspective. It tells the story of
how and why the all-powerful Xerxes became a God-King. Warning: the following review may contain spoilers if you’ve never seen 300. Some time before Leonidas and the 300, Xerxes and his father King Darius were in a massive battle against the Athenians. Their leader, General Themistocles, kills Darius. Xerxes is furious but backs down, heeding the wise words of his naval commander, Artemisia, played by Eva Green. She convinces him to journey through a desert where Xerxes finds a cave with a mythical pool that makes him a God-
King, bald, and about nine-feet tall. Back on land, Themistocles tries to recruit the Spartans to help him fight Xerxes, but fails due to the defeat of the 300. This movie was really fun and it was great to dive back into the world that Zack Snyder created with a new perspective from director Noam Murro. There is less slow-motion violence in this movie, but it makes up for it with more blood spray. The best part is definitely Green’s performance. If you enjoy violence, abs, water, and Eva Green, this will be your favourite movie ever.
Still of Eva Green in 300: Rise of an Empire // By www.imdb.com
Comic Corner: Supervillains on work release ‘Suicide Squad: Kicked in the Teeth’ review Brittney MacDonald Senior Columnist
I
f you love comic books but are sick of all those goody two-shoes superheroes, then Suicide Squad’s patented group of anti-heroes is exactly what you’ve been craving.
Digging out some of the most charismatic villains from solitary and forcing them to work their time off as a Special Forces unit is a great twist on the classic hero story—unless you’re easily offended by a couple questionable character redesigns. Adam Glass took up the task of writing the “New 52” reboot of the Suicide Squad and he didn’t disappoint.
Deadshot sums the concept up fairly well in the graphic novel when he says, “Supervillains recruited from prison, sent on covert missions, and injected with a nanite bomb so we stay in line.” Suicide Squad isn’t just a catchy name: the team revolves through members faster than any prison system. However, fan favourites like Deadshot and Harley Quinn
always find a way to stick around. Frederico Dallocchio’s art style is very traditional, clean, and dynamic with bold colours. The only issue lies in some of the character redesigns. I had avoided this title after the fan backlash against Harley Quinn’s skimpy new look, but after having read the book I find it bothers me less because it fits with
the new origin Glass has written. Also, the costume on the covers is significantly more revealing than the one actually in the book. However, Deadshot looks like a cyborg Ronald McDonald when he wears his suit. I was pleasantly surprised by this book and would recommend it as a perfect afternoon read.
issue 23 // volume 40
arts // 7
‘A Dream Play’ searches for the meaning of life Exploring the darker sides of society Cheryl Minns Arts Editor arts @theotherpress.ca
I
magine experiencing life on Earth for the first time ever. Where would you possibly begin? What would it all mean? This is the plot of Douglas College’s latest production, A Dream Play, a story about Agnes (played by FJ van Wyk), a daughter of the gods who lands in our reality and discovers what a painful place the world can be. The play begins as the goddess Agnes appears on Earth and releases a deafening cry from atop a two-storey, tree-structure set that fills the stage. After climbing down a ladder built into the set, she explores the stage and the characters that occupy it. Each character reflects an aspect of humanity, with some being more obvious than others, such as a hopeless romantic soldier (Lucas Bayley), a lawyer (Parker Thompson) who hates divorce, and a stage door keeper (Faedra Mirhashemy) who monitors a door in the middle of the tree that supposedly guards the meaning of life.
Jacob Brkopac and Kelsey Robertson // By Krista Graham
To get into character, van Wyk had to recall childlike wonderment to get a sense of what Agnes’ visit to Earth would be like. “It was challenging to try to experience the world for the first time. It’s been a while since I’ve been a child,” she said. But in playing this character she’s learned that people have to experience suffering to appreciate joy, much like how the cast and crew have put so many hours into what will only be a weeklong show run. “It’s bittersweet,” van Wyk
explained. “Even on opening night, it’s a short run and then it’s over.” The play has an ensemble cast of characters, which means the actors have to play multiple roles and perform quick costume changes between, or sometimes within, scenes. For the onstage costume changes, the actor shrugs off one costume to reveal a second one underneath while the other actors around him freeze until the change is complete. The costumes were designed with the changes in mind, so outfits
can be changed depending on the accessories that are added or taken away. “They were small costumes, like a mask, so they were easy to change,” said Nicole Cochrane, who plays multiple roles including the masked quarantine master. For some actors, it was difficult to switch from one character to another because it meant they couldn’t fully invest in one character. “I’m very loyal with my characters, so it was hard for me to focus more on one of my
main characters as opposed to other characters that I’m not playing as much,” said Mirhashemy. “The most challenging part of this kind of show is developing your character. They’re very big, very out there,” said Bayley. A Dream Play features powerful and dramatic performances, astounding set design, a fun soundtrack with instrumental pieces and retro tunes, as well as a powerful message on what makes life worth living. But this play is not for the faint of heart as it contains violence, sexuality, and language that may offend some viewers. Some scenes take the offensive material to an unnerving level, but it’s part of the play to make the audience uncomfortable so they can feel how unsettling human suffering really is. A Dream Play is playing in the Laura C. Muir Performing Arts Theatre at the Douglas College New Westminster campus until March 21. Tickets can be purchased at the door or through the Massey Theatre Ticket Centre by phone at 604521-5050 or online at tickets. masseytheatre.com
Chairman of the Board: The good, the bad, and ‘Bang!’ ‘Bang!’ review Ed Appleby Illustrator illustrator @theotherpress.ca
A
re you up for a game that takes place in the wild west with cards written in Italian? Bang! is an eliminationstyle, spaghetti-western card game for four to seven players designed by Emiliano
Sciarra and released by Italian publisher daVinci Games. The players are secretly dealt a roll card that dictates their goal for the game: eliminate the outlaws, eliminate the sheriff, or eliminate everyone else to be the last one in play. At the start of the game, all of the rolls except for the sheriff are hidden and are only revealed once someone is eliminated, so you have no
idea who is on your side. Your only clues are the other players’ actions. Characters are dealt out along with the roll. The characters determine the health level of the players as well as special rules that only apply to that character. Your character can affect how you play the game and, in some cases, give you an edge. Strategy and bluffing play a large part
in gameplay and you have to decide when to act and against whom. The downside of Bang! is that players can be taken out of the game quickly and have to wait around for the game to finish. This is compounded by the fact that games can take from five minutes to well over an hour. There are six official and four unofficial expansions to
Bang! The expansions add more rules, cards, and characters, can expand the number of players up to eight, and much more. These advanced rules can really be confusing, so I would suggest just starting out with the basic set and expanding slowly. Bang! is the cornerstone of many gaming groups and I would recommend it as an interesting change.
“In the Meantime” stands as the one completely instrumental track, bridging “Kind of Love” and “Devil’s Lighthouse” together. “Devil’s Lighthouse” is unfortunately the weakest song. While it is an otherwise solid track, the Correspondents’ unique sound seems replaced with a Franz Ferdinand-styled melancholy that stops it from living up to the rest of the album’s potential. “The Last
Time” is a mishmash of styles, attempting to blend a slower Daft Punk-inspired mix with Bruce’s perhaps too-excited vocals. Puppet Loosely Strung is a strong and excellent debut album for the indie duo. The combination of Chucks’ music and Bruce’s vocals, along with their standout lyrics, make Puppet Loosely Strung one of the best albums of the year.
You couldn’t give me better
The Correspondents’ ‘Puppet Loosely Strung’ review Angela Espinoza Columnist
L
ondon’s electronic duo the Correspondents released their debut album, Puppet Loosely Strung, on March 10. The album features 12 new songs, each tapping into their previously prevalent focus on
swing. Mr. Bruce and DJ Chucks formed the Correspondents back in 2007 and released several singles and EPs, but none of their past singles made it onto the album. Puppet Loosely Strung opens with the surprisingly lethargic “What Did I Do?” which leaves the listener unprepared for the following energetic dance tracks, “Fear & Delight” and “Give You Better,” which are two of the best tracks
on the album. While the music is infectious, it’s Bruce’s audacious vocals and swaggering personality that make the album such a treat to listen to. Bruce is known to dance wildly during live performances, an aspect we can definitely hear on the album. There are calmer tracks, such as “Kind of Love” and “Devil’s Lighthouse,” but even those songs keep the beat going.
arts // 8
Local singer features blend of theatricality, emotion, and passion
theotherpress.ca
Cat Thomson delivers beautiful talent
Cazzy Lewchuk Staff Writer
C
at Thomson is a solo singer-songwriter based in Vancouver who actively plays shows and records her music. Her debut album Puzzle is set for release in April. Thomson has been compared to a variety of artists in both image and musical range, including Mariah Carey, Celine Dion, Florence and the Machine, and Marina and the Diamonds. Born and raised in Calgary, Thomson began taking piano lessons at age five. Although she always had a passion for singing and was active in the Calgary Children’s Choir since age six, it was not until she was 17 that she took her first formal voice lesson. After making the decision to study music fulltime, Thomson spent five years at Louisiana State University on a full scholarship majoring in opera and vocal performance. When Thomson moved to Vancouver, she was discovered by Jonathan Simkin, co-founder of record label 604 Records, known for managing artists such as Marianas Trench and Carly Rae Jepsen. After finding her YouTube channel through her Twitter account, Simkin offered her a contract. Thus began the
process of making her first album, Puzzle. Working with local producers such as Kevvy Maher and Louise Burns, the completed Puzzle was recorded over a period of almost two years. Thomson has recorded with a variety of session musicians to finish all the tracks, with the result being an album as refined as the singer behind it. Her theatrical mix of jazz and contemporary pop has wowed anyone who has experienced it. Despite working for a label known primarily for its pop music, Thomson’s music has no definitive genre. Her music and lyrics are written directly from the heart and are very distinct in this nature. In many ways, Puzzle is an album that’s been in the making all of her life. The themes expressed in her music certainly capture a variety of experiences and emotions. Puzzle has been scheduled for a tentative release date sometime in April. Thomson’s current available recorded music is somewhat limited, although her debut single “Sticks & Stones” is currently available in radio play and on iTunes. The single also has a music video that recently premiered on Vevo, while several other songs can be found on her website. Thomson’s live shows feature spectacle, high emotion, and true passion. She regularly
In many ways, Puzzle is an album that’s been in the making all of her life. The themes expressed in her music certainly capture a variety of experiences and emotion. plays shows in small venues around Vancouver, and is planning a small tour across BC in April to coincide with Puzzle’s release. In addition to her solo career, Thomson has some sideprojects on YouTube. Together with her best friend, Jessica Lee, who is also a signed singer at 604 Records, they formed a duo known as CASSICA. Primarily playing covers, the two released their first original track, “A Very Merry Christmas,” this December. Thomson’s YouTube channel also features many covers and some originals. More of her music and updates can be found on her Twitter (@CatThomsonMusic) and YouTube (Cat Thomson) or her website, catthomsonmusic.com
Cat Thomson // By www.music.cbc.ca
Students to present creative writing at ‘Pearls 33’ book launch Latest edition is publication’s largest anthology ever Cheryl Minns Arts Editor arts @theotherpress.ca
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he Douglas College creative writing department has compiled its latest annual anthology of students’ work in Pearls 33. The collection of stories, scripts, poetry, and more exemplifies course content taught in the program and will be available at the book launch on March 21. Nine of the 65 student writers featured in the book will present five-minute readings at the event, which will include a variety of genres. Creative writing instructor
Glenda Leznoff believes this will be a definite change for those students who are used to reading in front of their peers in the classroom and not in front of a formal audience. “To stand up in front of an audience of friends and strangers does make people nervous, but I’m always so impressed that they rise to the occasion. We select writers whose work we think lends itself to a good reading, and people who aren’t too terrified to get up and have their work read,” she said. Print Futures student Whitney Sharp will be at the event to read an excerpt from a script she wrote that was selected for publication
in Pearls 33. A couple of her classmates will accompany her for the reading to recite some of the characters’ lines in the script. “It was really exciting to find out that my work had been selected for Pearls,” she said. “I’ve never read my work at a Pearls launch before so I’m a little nervous, especially since my piece is a script, but I’m sure it will come together.” This year’s anthology is larger than previous editions, with over 350 pages of students’ finest creative writing. The instructors say the book is a testament to the superior writing quality and skill that these students have learned.
“Every year when we put this together, we’re always constantly amazed at the risks that students are taking, the things that haunt them that they want to write about, the skill level,” said John Vigna, an instructor in the Creative Writing and Print Futures programs. “For most of these people, it’ll be their first publication credit,” he said. “It’s a real highlight for any young writer to get published.” In some cases, Pearls is only the start for students who choose to take their work to production. “Some of my former students have gone on to take plays that they’ve written in
my classes into productions either in the Fringe Festival or in small, self-produced things. They do get their work out there,” Leznoff said. The Pearls 33 book launch will also include the presentation of the Maurice Hodgson’s Award, which includes a $1,000 gold scholarship and a $500 silver scholarship. The award is named after the late creative writing instructor who helped create Pearls and who played a major part in the creative writing department at Douglas College. The event will be held at 7 p.m. on March 21 in the Studio Theatre at the Douglas College New Westminster campus.
This issue:
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Babcia’s Polish home remedies
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The real beautiful game Making a case for beer league baseball Sophie Isbister Life & Style Editor lifeandstyle @theotherpress.ca
“W
e’re a drinking team with a baseball problem.” Maybe you’ve heard someone on a beer league softball team say that—and they would be right. There are a lot of ways to stay active in the many outdoor spaces in our fair city. Jogging is a great option for the antisocial set, and tennis is fantastic if you only have one friend. But what if you like the idea of combining an amazingly fun sport with another amazingly fun activity—drinking beer with 15 of your friends? That’s just one out of a million things that I love about softball. I’ve been playing since I was nine years old. Now obviously I wasn’t celebrating with a Cariboo shotgun between innings at the age of nine, but my youth in little league gave me an appreciation of the game and a solid grounding of the rules—solid enough that I know what’s going on even when I’m six beers deep. Baseball is the perfect combination of strategy and instinct, of waiting and action, and of teamwork and fierce individualism. Every play has
rules and specific moves, but in the moment you just rely on your hand’s ability to reach out and catch the ball and your brain’s ability to immediately know where to throw it. Sure, there’s a lot of standing around, but if you’re playing right then your downtime is engaged. You’re aware and ready to spring into action because as soon as the ball hits the bat, anything can happen, and that’s where training meets action. The thing that helps you the most on a beer league team is remembering that beer comes before league—it’s right there in the name! We may be keeping score (and even keeping stats), but we’re all here to have fun and let off some steam on the weekend. Getting along with your team is key; the team I play on is the best in the league (for team spirit) because we genuinely enjoy each other’s company. We have team meetings and pub nights where we all show up and party together, and believe me, that camaraderie shows itself on the field. It cushions the losses and makes the wins feel even better. Finding a team can be a challenge. I played on a few different slo-pitch teams until I found my fit. There are a few ways to find a casual team to play on, and if you’re keen,
Camaraderie shows itself on the field. It cushions the losses and makes the wins feel even better. then now is the time to start looking! Check Craigslist under the activity partners classifieds section. Many leagues also have a Facebook presence, so if you can find their group, that’s a good place to post a note telling people that you’re interested. It also helps to notice which leagues play in your neighbourhood. If you see people practicing, don’t be shy—go and ask them who they play for, and if the league has a website. If all else fails and you can’t find yourself a team for the 2014 season, that’s alright! You can still get together with a few of your friends, a bat, and some brews. Skills training never hurt anybody. Spend this summer perfecting that T-shirt tan and falling in love with the real beautiful game. If you have enough keen friends, maybe you can start your own team next year.
By www.wahawkathletics.org
Taylor Pitt updated xir status My take on Facebook’s new gender options Taylor Pitt Contributor
A
few weeks back, Facebook released an update that included more than 50 new gender options for profiles, and an update to how pronouns are selected. In addition to the common “him” and “her” pronouns, there is also the gender neutral pronoun “them” available for use. Although the change is described as a “custom” gender option, Facebook’s users are still required to pick from a preapproved list. This list includes agender, cisgender, pangender,
bigender, transgender, trans*, transsexual, two-spirit, other, and many others. For most readers, this might all seem confusing. Don’t worry—it is, no matter how much I try to understand. Here’s a very simplified rundown: Agender means a person doesn’t see gender as the central characteristic of their identity; cisgender means a person identifies with the gender they were assigned at birth; pangender means a person identifies with all genders; bigender means a person identifies with two genders; transgender people identify with another gender than they were assigned at birth; transsexual
people are trans and have opted to transition to another sex; two-spirit people originate from a Native American belief, to describe someone whose spirit is both male and female; and finally, other might mean anything else not covered by the list Facebook provided. Whew. Honestly, I’d be surprised if that list actually cleared up any of your confusion. Modern gender theory is constantly changing, and some people even consider this list too short and the selection of pronouns to be completely unrealistic. But what needs to be changed? Should Facebook drop the pre-approved list and allow users to enter in whatever they want? Should the
pronoun selection be replaced with a Mad Libs-style chooseyour-own-pronouns option? While it’s true that there are some people who prefer to use other gender-neutral pronouns like “xe” and “xir,” there is a growing number of people who are making up their own pronoun lists, and quite often they try to be as unique as a given name. By that point, it doesn’t even seem necessary. Pronouns are used to make communication between people simpler. While repeating your friend Tommy’s name may make it easier to remember Tommy, constantly talking about Tommy in this way might start to get on Tommy’s nerves. On the other
hand, if Tommy wants to be referred to as a “them” because they’re a transgender male, but your other transgender male friend Julian wants to be referred to as “xir,” how likely is it that you’re going to offend at least one of them every once in a while when you slip up? It’s important to remember that to many people these issues are not trivial—that’s why the best approach is to always be respectful. Constant reminders via Facebook of people’s gender expression could help mediate confusion, but it could also end up making it worse. After all, how many friends on Facebook do you really know in real life?
life & style // 10
theotherpress.ca
Babcia’s Polish home remedies Part one: Medicine from my childhood
Julia Siedlanowska Staff Writer
G
rowing up in an immigrant household garnered me my fair share of confused looks from my more Canadian friends in school. I often heard the phrase “You’re so Polish” after doing something I would consider normal. Many homestyle remedies and old bits of knowledge have been passed down from generation to generation and remained in my family for years, including potions and concoctions to aid in health and beauty. These remedies may be the reason I was called a gypsy for a brief period in high school—or maybe it was the waist-length hair and the old Grolsch bottle I drank my orange juice out of. Some of these work better than any product on the shelf, and some, I must admit, I have never dared to try. Some are mundane practices I don’t even notice anymore, and some still amaze me. Cure the hiccups. This remedy has amazed me ever since my sister passed it along, courtesy of my grandma. On a spoonful of sugar, pour just three drops of bitters cocktail flavouring and ingest. Your hiccups will go away instantly. Forget asking your friend to scare you or drinking a glass
of water upside down; bitters cocktail is your only guarantee. I don’t know who thought of it first but the effect is just incredible. Soothe aches and pains. Now we get into a more traditional remedy. Take a 1/4 cup of small amber bits and cover them with spirits. Let sit for a month. When the mixture is ready, rub it on your muscles or head when you have aches and pains. Another remedy for pains such as headaches, or even general feelings of sadness and depression, is a chestnut. Just carry one in your pocket. My mother claims they have “good energy”—and mother knows best, so try it and see! Cure a sty. If you have a sty on your eye, rub gold on it… yeah. Even my grandma doesn’t believe this one, but when I was eight years old I rubbed my father’s wedding ring on my eye for 20 minutes anyway. Fix a hangover. When hungover, my dad says there’s nothing better than pickle juice! By this, he actually meant the juice from the jar of pickles in your fridge. I have never tried this, but go for it—this one likely works, because pickle juice contains a lot of sodium, and the sodium can help replenish electrolytes. Finally, a cure for the common cold. Something that I still do when I’m sick is mix a minced clove of garlic into a
warm glass of milk along with a spoonful of honey. You will stink, but I firmly believe in this recipe’s healing properties. Solve sleepless nights. Whenever I had problems falling asleep, my mother would tell me to have a glass of milk and a banana. This simple combination of calcium and potassium is not only tasty, it’s also a wonderful pre-bedtime ritual. For more stressful occasions, my mother might recommend something a little more intense: valerian. I only used it once, in Grade 10. I was stressing out the night before my provincial math exam and my mother advised me to take a few drops of the herb (in liquid form). After taking the drops of Valerian, not only did I toss and turn for hours, I also had auditory hallucinations. Algebraic equations tormented me for a few hours. Don’t try this at home kids—it wasn’t as fun as it may sound. Lavender is a safer bet for sleepy students. The properties of this fragrant flower were discovered by Canadian hippies long ago, so this may not be news to you. Place a bundle of lavender by your bed for a calming effect, or crumble some into a potpourri pouch and keep it in your closet to keep clothes smelling lovely. And best of all, lavender, much like many of these other remedies, is easy to find and totally natural.
By www.everything-lavender.com
No shampoo week four: stimulating growth? When I’m not washing, I’m ‘scritching’ and ‘preening’ Sophie Isbister Life & Style Editor lifeandstyle @theotherpress.ca
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s I near the end of my no-shampoo project, I’m beginning to notice a few good things going on with my chemical-free mane. For one, it seems to be growing faster and thicker. I haven’t necessarily noticed this in the overall length of the hair, but I have noticed an increase in the amount of new hair (baby hairs) that my scalp is growing, and in the fullness of my hair. Additionally, I’ve been engaging in a practice called scritching and preening— much like a bird—which I will describe in detail.
To explain how I can tell my hair is growing faster, I’ll tell you a little bit about how hair growth works. A hair-growth cycle has three stages; the anagen stage, the catagen stage, and the telogen stage. The latter two stages are concerned with the end stage of a hair’s life cycle (around 100 days), and they make up a combined total of approximately 10-15 per cent of the hairs on your head. The rest of the hairs on your head are in some part of the anagen stage, a stage of active growth that lasts anywhere from two to six years (fun fact: if your hair is able to grow super long, then that means you have a long anagen stage). In this stage, new hairs either appear, or push out hairs that are at the end of their life.
Hair grows pretty fast in this stage, about a centimetre per month. No-poo comes into the equation because a lot of people who practice no-poo or low-poo feel that by leaving their hair natural, their anagen stage of hair development is stimulated. I can anecdotally say that this is a definite possibility (caveat ahoy!); as I said, I can see a lot of new baby hairs along my hairline, indicating that new hairs might be growing faster. My hair overall feels thicker and takes longer to dry when I wash it with water only, but that could be from all the oil. No-pooers also preach the benefits of scritching (no, that’s not a typo) your scalp, preening the length of your hair, and regular intense brushing with
a boar bristle brush. All this is supposed to stimulate the scalp, cleanse the hair, and move oil from the roots of your hair, down the length, all the way to the ends, helping you avoid scarecrow hair. Scritching is done by using your fingernails or fingertips to lightly scratch all over your head. This process loosens the oil on your scalp so that it can be rinsed out with water or brushed out. It’s an important step in cleaning your no-poo hair. Preening is when you physically move the oil from your scalp and down the length of your hair. This can also be done by brushing with a boar bristle brush, but make sure you detangle with a wide-tooth comb first, as the light natural bristles of your brush won’t detangle it.
A lot of people who practice no-poo or low-poo feel that by leaving their hair natural, their anagen stage of hair development is stimulated.
So far my hair journey has been interesting, but I would be lying by omission if I didn’t come clean and admit that I would really love to work up a good lather in the shower. I have actually had dreams that I’m using shampoo; I wake up in a cold sweat thinking that I’ve ruined the experiment. Two more weeks to go…
life & style // 11
issue 23 // volume 40
Dating: a numbers game? Tinder, OKCupid, and a few clever men Sophie Isbister Life & Style Editor lifeandstyle @theotherpress.ca
I
was on Tinder for about a week; it took me that long to discover that speed-swipedating is mostly useless, and getting sillier by the day. For all five of you who don’t already know how the Tinder app works, I’ll quickly explain. The app connects to your Facebook account (but it never posts on your behalf), and displays your first name and last initial. To play Tinder, you select the age range and geographical proximity of your ideal matches, and then get to it. Tinder shows you pictures and a brief bio of other members, and then you swipe to the right if you’re interested, and to the left if you’re not. If there’s a match, then you’re able to message each other and
presumably date, marry, and live happily ever after. This style of speed-swipedating has been adopted by other online dating sites such as OKCupid—they call it their “locals” feature and it basically works the same way. Swipe one way if you’re DTF, the other way if you’re not. This all seems well and good upfront, but as Logan Hill reports on NYMag.com, some enterprising men have started gaming the system. Hill spoke to one of OKCupid’s most popular male members for a longform piece about what works in online dating and what doesn’t, and he discovered that 29-year-old New York City realtor James Hawver “never swipes left”—a strategy he learned from a friend. Seems like a simple hack, but when I read about it I thought it was a game-changer.
By liking every woman on Tinder and on OKCupid, he gets a notification whenever anyone likes him, effectively removing any risk for his own ego. But it also strikes me as disingenuous; it puts women in the situation of having to open up and be vulnerable, all by themselves. And considering women flock to Hawver in droves (his phone went off 47 times during Hill’s three-hour interview) he probably gets a considerable number of matches that he isn’t Wis that to a woman who has put herself out there and expressed interest? Mass-liking on Tinder and OKCupid raises an interesting question: if everyone is able to hack the swipe system like Hawver and his buddies discovered, does the system even work? There isn’t really a way to tell if a swipe is genuine or not—it’s entirely based on
If everyone is able to hack the swipe system like Hawver and his buddies discovered, does the system even work? the honour system. If all men and women started swiping right all the time, regardless of any actual interest, everyone would match with everyone. It would be anarchy! Or, online dating would revert back to the simple salad days of profiles and messages. The days of high-octane “find me a match within two kilometres, right now” swiping will be gone for good, and people will revert back to the painstaking process of actually reading someone’s profile.
By www.thequestionable.com
10 Facebook statuses that are less funny than you think they are I
’m not saying you have to stop telling people about that hilarious dream you had, and I’m not saying that you and your bestie’s totes hilarious conversation shouldn’t be seen by all. But if your Facebook timeline consists entirely of the following not-so-funny posts, maybe start sharing articles or something.
1. That funny dream you had. 2. “Feel all the feels.” 3. Screenshots of text messages. 4. Screenshots of chats. 5. That awkward moment when you realize this post format is formulaic. 6. Pet shaming. (This is actually kind of cruel). 7. “Funny” autocorrect errors. 8. Inside jokes. 9. “What this video reveals will shock you…!” 10. Anything that more than 10 of your friends have already shared (e.g. “The Fox (What Does the Fox Say?)” by Ylvis circa last summer).
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Things to consider when preparing to relocate to faraway lands By Patrick Vaillancourt, News Editor
This issue:
Have your voice heard!
Advertisement, a reason to sell-abrate
Contact: Elliot Chan, Opinions Editor
Speculation, plane and simple
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Advertisement, a reason to sell-abrate An Opinions article brought to you by the ‘Other Press’ Elliot Chan Opinions Editor opinions @theotherpress.ca
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’m not an easy sell and I’m not a compulsive buyer. I can’t be—I wouldn’t survive if I was. I work hard to earn my money and I choose to spend it on the things that I enjoy and with the people who I like. But I’m also reasonable; I budget wisely and do my best to avoid falling into debt. Many may consider it a marketers versus us game of tug-of-war with our paycheques, but I don’t see it that way. I appreciate advertisements, because they aren’t pickpocketing me on a busy street. They’re presenting the value of a brand in a way that might or might not attract my attention. Sure, advertisements are biased and appeal on many different levels, but as someone who understands the value of a dollar, you better appeal to me or I’m not buying. Advertisers are not competing against us, but against other brands. So where some people say there’s too much product placement, I say
good. It should be survival of the fittest. After all, advertising is art with a clear purpose. I know it’s annoying to sit through those five seconds of commercial before your YouTube video, and I know it sucks to listen to the rambling of voices attempting to sell you something on the radio when all you want is some Beyoncé, but the alternative is having to pay for the services. God forbid I cough up my lunch money for a monthly subscription of YouTube, Google, Facebook, or any other free-to-use platforms that sustain themselves on advertisements. If you ask me, I think we are getting a pretty sweet deal. Companies hate spending money on advertisements, and they hate it as much as we do when those ads are ineffective and annoying. Brands need to know their audience better and thanks to the technology of search engines, they are getting improved results. I hope one day all marketing strategies will be targeted advertisements. If you show me something I actually want, I’ll appreciate it; if you show me something that is completely useless to me, like
a diaper commercial, I’m just going to wait patiently for the baby to finish falling over and acting cute. It does feel a little bit like Big Brother, knowing everything you do is recorded by a league of marketers. Still, if Big Brother knows that I’m searching “how to fix my plumbing” on YouTube, then Big Brother can rightly assume that I’ll need to find a good hardware store nearby, as well. Our privacy is compromised regardless. Don’t be fooled, even your dirty Snapchat pictures can be recovered if you tried hard enough. But this is just the world we live in now and we can’t meet every technology and intelligence with paranoia. Public places used to be train stations, shopping malls, office buildings, and school campuses, but now the Internet is a public setting as well. Advertisements are going to extend from the billboards you see on the streets to the iPhone app you look at before you go to bed. Embrace it. Adapt to it. And celebrate that we live in a time where we have a choice— because we are the ones with the power, not the brands.
By Joel McCarthy
The Report Card: Non-fiction reads Elliot Chan Opinions Editor
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opinions @theotherpress.ca
ow and then, I step away from my science fiction, contemporary dramas, and classic coming-of-age novels to enjoy something more factual. Non-fiction books allow me to touch base with the world I’m living in through historical texts, biographies, memoirs, and self-helps. I choose these readings of my own accord; they are not textbooks or instruction manuals—but they can sometimes feel like something assigned by an instructor. Non-fictions are never really the sweets for me, they’re the vegetables, and the nutrients I know I need more of. But, which do I relish in, and which do I spit in disgust?
Pass: Memoirs Only recently did I start reading memoirs. I used to think the ramblings of a famous actor, politician, athlete, or public figure weren’t worth my time. I would rather spend an afternoon reading about wizards or revisiting my homework than reading about someone else’s success. Hell, if I wanted to know more about the person, I would read their Wikipedia page, right? Not that I’m wrong, but memoirs offer a subjective lens into the person’s life that is otherwise lost in a biography, or Wikipedia page. Reading the words of someone not known for their writing ability is quite an evocative experience; it’s as if you are hearing their story through their own lips. You can see
the way they colour an aspect of their life, while hiding details in another. You can feel what matters to the person in that moment, what they wanted to communicate about themselves to the public. And if the memoir is done well, it can definitely inspire. We all possess the power of choice, and whether we like the memoirists in the real world or not is up to us. The magic of a memoir is that, even if we dislike the person, we can see through their eyes for a moment and recognize the struggle they went through to achieve what they have. A good memoir highlights the failures along with the successes, and proves to the reader that what they’ve done might not be achievable for everyone, but it was for them—after all, they lived to tell the tale.
Fail: Self-helps I’m having trouble buying into the billion-dollar industry of self-help books. I’ve read many in my life thinking that it was the solution to my problems. I believe many other people pick them up for that same reason. Whether you’re trying to live in the moment or explore a diet, reading a book is not going to help you do it. Self-help books are temporary distractions by design. They might provide guidelines for achieving goals, but they do little to convince you you’re doing it right or that your efforts are working. The books don’t even get you to put in effort at all—their motivational power is limited. You cannot read a manual on fixing computers and instantly become an expert.
Your brain simply can’t retain all that information; same goes with self-help books. You cannot read a book and ask if you are happy, or if you’re fit, or if you should have children, and find the answer. Self-help books are someone else’s ideals and reality presented to you in the form of a product— you’re just buying it first and then being convinced after. You wouldn’t join a cult just because it tells you that it can make you happy, right? There is a lot of value in self-help books, but it’s the presentation that ruins it. Success is not a chapter-bychapter thing; it’s more of a choose-your-own-adventure and learn-from-your-mistakes kind of thing—and that is what self-help books are not.
opinions // 15
issue 23 // volume 40
Speculation, plane and simple There’s too much opinion and not enough news on television
Aidan Mouellic Staff Writer
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ast week, a Malaysian Airline plane went missing. As I write this, it’s been almost seven days without a sign of the missing jetliner. At this point in time, there is no information about what caused flight MH370 to disappear and wild speculation has arisen. I love facts, figures, and data. I also love making my own conclusions about events once I have all the relevant data. What I don’t like is when people, whose job it is to present news, present speculation, opinions, and conspiracies instead. The disappearance of flight MH370 has been a prime example of what’s gone wrong with so many major news channels. At first, the bulk of the big media outlets broadcasted that two passengers were onboard the flight with stolen passports. Then the channels all took it a step further and strongly insinuated that the disappearance of the plane was terrorism-related. All the while I’m thinking, with the information present, all anyone knows is that two people boarded with stolen passports and that the missing flight could be caused by myriad reasons other than terrorism. There was no need for the major networks to run with the terrorism card or build up baseless speculation; it accomplished nothing. Once the authorities did some more digging, they discovered that the two men in possession of the stolen passports were likely trying to seek asylum and reunite with family, and that there are no links between them and terrorist groups; Interpol has also stated that it is unlikely the plane’s disappearance was related to terrorism. When the actual news broke, I felt bad for the men’s families, because they’ll likely continue to endure accusations of being relatives to potential
What I don’t like is when people, whose job it is to present news, present speculation, opinions, and conspiracies instead. terrorist hijackers until the plane is found. It’s not just how the networks reported on the stolen passport fiasco that has me peeved; it’s conversations with experts and the lack of reliance on facts. Whenever an anchor has an expert come on to discuss a topic, such as the missing plane, the conversation often strays away from the facts and enters into the realm of speculation. With the case of flight MH370, I’m seeing network after network pose such questions to experts: “Could the plane have been hit by a meteor?” “Could the North Koreans have hijacked the plane and landed it in North Korea?” Obviously in a case like this where answers have been few and far between, anything is possible, but bringing up possibilities accomplishes nothing. I can sit at home and tell myself that maybe an asteroid blew up the plane, or maybe it was hijacked and flown to Disneyland. I say leave the speculation to individuals and not the news. I can understand why the CNNs and BBCs of the world wind up broadcasting less news and more opinionated banter. News is not always entertaining, and it shouldn’t be. The news should only present facts. Channels like CNN or FOX need the fun and entertainment factor to retain viewers, but I just wish I got facts and data instead of hypotheses and speculation. I must say, it’s fun laughing at conspiracy theorists and I do applaud their imagination—just please keep the imagination and creativity away from my news sources.
By Joel McCarthy
The boob tube Television’s bait and switch tactics are working too well Elliot Chan Opinions Editor
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opinions @theotherpress.ca
ny good salesperson knows that in order to sell a product, they first need to catch the consumer’s attention. Television, for lack of a better word, is a marketplace and you’re the customer who’s passing through. Since you’re just passing through, or channel surfing if I may, you don’t have time to linger and enjoy six seasons of anything, let alone one with multiple character arcs and complicated plot twists. Solution: nudity! Sex sells. It’s not just a phrase used in advertising, but a legitimate formula for commercial success. But by applying this tactic repeatedly, like so many independent
broadcasting networks and entertainment providers are choosing to do, the content itself turns into one of two things: pornography or satire. Don’t get me wrong, I love nudity. I can appreciate a wellphotographed love scene and smut on different levels. But I also believe there is a time and place for it. The audience should be able to control their own intake of controversial images. Once I’m hooked to the storyline, there is no reason to overindulge me with unrelated nude scenes. I care more about the progression of the storyline, the plot, and the characters’ expositions, than some attractive female lusciously draped over the screen—at least for now. No, I’m not a prude or immature, but we all have a perv-side to us—that’s why sex
sells. We have all experienced sitting down as a collective to enjoy a show with explicit nudity peppered throughout. When nipples appear on the screen, a few things could happen: either the room hushes up with slight discomfort, or someone will break the silence with a blatant statement addressing said nipples, and laughter might or might not ensue. Regardless, that little pulse of misplaced horniness is harmful to the storytelling. Sure, it might be the artistic direction to include sensible nude scenes; there are many reasonable situations to showcase boobs, etc. But it’s clear that certain producers, with the intention of getting the largest viewing audience possible, are jeopardizing the artistic craft of filmmaking by pumping more nudity into the
shows, thus turning an adult drama into soft-core porn. Naked women should not be used as props to engage an audience. They should not be strategically placed in the background, while main characters discuss betrayal. They should not appear randomly to seduce the leading man only to disappear, never to be seen again. They should not be used to arouse or tease an audience without justified reasons. Am I angry that sometimes they are? No, not that angry, but when I see some of my favourite shows subjected to these low level bait-andswitch tactics to garner more viewers, I feel ashamed to like the show—and I know that true fans are not watching to see Lena Dunham naked or the next Westeros femme fatale.
Once I’m hooked to the storyline, there is no reason to overindulge me with unrelated nude scenes. We love the stories, we love the characters, and we love the fact that the show isn’t some homogenized Canadian show about life in the Prairies. Television producers should understand that by using nudity as a lure for viewers, they are only misguiding people, offering them something that is unsustainable on television and that there is already so much of on the Internet.
opinions // 16
theotherpress.ca
The good will always win At least that is what the winners will tell us Elliot Chan Opinions Editor opinions @theotherpress.ca
T
o paraphrase Winston Churchill, or whomever he originally heard it from, “History is written by the victors.” Regardless of who said it first, the idea is probably as old as history itself—and still the statement is ever so true. We just need to look at contemporary situations to understand that we are in a constant flux for power, and there is no simple, peaceful solution in sight; examples could be found on every continent (omitting Antarctica, of course). But should we, as outside observers, acknowledge that whether the result may be good or bad for us, the winners are still winners and should therefore be respected? We all want to change history for the better, but what might be better for us may be worse for someone else. Let’s look back to the birth of our nation—the genocide of aboriginals. We are of course now living in a society that is the consequence of that act. For us, it no longer feels like that big of a deal, because we weren’t there suffering or struggling through the backlash of the incident.
The same goes with the Chinese head tax, which was a fee introduced in 1885 to discourage Chinese immigration. Although, I’m of Chinese descent and feel the redress offered in 2006 was a small step in the right direction, it was far from resolution. But I also feel slight passivity to fight for that cause, knowing the struggle it takes to get any recognition from the government, let alone an apology. The people in power today are ploughing forward without taking a look back at the mess they’ve made. We are not learning from our history, but not only are we not learning from it, we are using the history itself to intimidate. The winners of the past have become bullies of the present and that is evident in the Crimean crisis in Eastern Europe. With so many diverse groups living together and such rich history on all sides, no one is willing to back down. Will there ever be harmony in that small patch of the world? Perhaps. But if we just glance slightly to the south and a smidgen to the east and see the endless dispute in the Middle East, we can say that resolution may never happen, because a victor is never crowned.
Peaceful solution simply doesn’t exist, it cannot exist. I’m not just saying this because I’m pessimistic about the human race, but because history is not built upon handshakes and compromises—it’s built upon winners and losers. The downfalls of Pol Pot, Adolf Hitler, Fulgencio Batista, and Saddam Hussein, to name a few, are all examples of how the losers have paved the way for the winners. There were no handshakes—there were only executions and suicides. Ask yourself, is it likely that Kim Jong-Un and the North Korean dictatorship will simply wake up one morning and submit to Western democracy? That’s unlikely. If we want people to behave a certain way, we can rather ask or we can force. One is of course more effective than the other. We North Americans are lucky to be living in the aftermath, as we clean up our own country and observe the destruction of others. The destruction, as our history has shown, is inevitable. We must also remember that the problems of others are not our fight. We have fought our battle and now they must fight theirs. They must, in a sense, establish their own winners and losers— and it won’t be pretty.
By www.forwardprogressives.com
Do you even argue, bro? Using ad hominem is a jerk thing to do Michael Chmielewski The Carillon
A
rguments, as in intellectual debates, are something to be cherished. They should be engaged in actively, especially in a university setting. Of course, there are certain rules of etiquette concerning argumentation. This etiquette is mostly just avoiding “fallacies,” or things that weaken an argument. One of the most abused fallacies is ad hominem, where rather than dealing with what someone is saying, or the merits of their argument, their personality, or character, is attacked. In my last three years at university, I’ve noticed that this sort of fallacy is increasing— or perhaps I’m just seeing it more. Ad hominem attacks have been around since people could speak, so they’re nothing new, but it’s no matter if it’s
increasing or it’s always been around, it’s important to qualify something. The debates where this takes place usually occur on comment sections or Facebook, because most people aren’t brave enough to insult someone to their face. The ad hominem I’ve noticed increasing is a kind that’s surprisingly mostly on the left of the political spectrum amongst students. So hardened in their wideeyed beliefs, they usually don’t actually tackle the merit of the argument, usually trying to dismiss it by attacking someone’s character, saying that they know nothing, or that because of their background, their argument is invalid. Even if the other argument has no merit, it would make more sense to dismantle the argument, not the person saying it. Otherwise, an attempt at ad hominem is just a distraction method— smoke and mirrors.
Of course, this is a specific group amongst the left, and not everybody—stating otherwise would be a generalization, which is also fallacious. I’d also like to point out that the right of the political spectrum does it too. Really, ad hominem is found amongst all kinds of debaters. Two examples that I recently saw: “You can’t understand because you’re a man, and you can’t talk about it,” or “They’re just a bunch of white guys.” They could be anything, really, and it’s usually formulaic. You’re X, so you can’t talk about Y. Once, after asking persistent gadfly-like questions to someone starting a petition who couldn’t answer them, I was told, “This is why you don’t have a girlfriend.” It’s baseless, and it’s meant to distract and sidetrack the debate from the real issues. These sorts of characterizations do no service to their
cause: they alienate people and they’re a sign of weak argumentation. If someone is so right, then they shouldn’t have to resort to this tactic; if the opponent is so wrong, then one can attack the merits of their argument. It doesn’t matter who’s saying it, the strength of an argument shouldn’t hinge on the who, but rather, the what. Also, if someone is so sure that their opponent is wrong because of said opponent’s character, then it should actually be easy to tear their argument apart without resulting to insults. Right? Don’t ever let someone try to attack your character in an argument. If you’re so wrong because of who you are, then your opponent should be smart enough to see it in your argument. Otherwise, chances are they can’t defend their point adequately and are trying to discredit you to save themselves the embarrassment.
Don’t ever let someone try to attack your character in an argument. Also, if you do resort to ad hominem, please stop. You’re doing no service to anybody, and should take more pride in your convictions. Nothing will be gained from attacking someone’s personality, and listening to other people’s points of view may help you to strengthen your own, or even change them. If your arguments are so correct, then you have nothing to worry about. Plus, beating someone on point of fact is much more satisfying than dragging the debate, and everyone in it, through the mud.
This issue:
Know the score?
CFL pales financially in comparison with NFL
Contact: Eric Wilkins, Sports Editor
Why sports are good for your health
sports@theotherpress.ca
Dollars and sense
www.theotherpress.ca
And more!
Underworked and overpaid Professional sports salaries gone too far Courtnie Martin Sports Reporter
W
hen I got wind of Phil Jackson’s transferring to the Knicks for $15 million a season, it became blatantly obvious to me that athletes and coaches are ridiculously overpaid. David Stern did a solid job increasing athletes’ salaries as the NBA’s name rapidly garnered respect all over the world, but what isn’t clear is why athletes are making more money than doctors, lawyers, and teachers. When talking about the 20 highest paid athletes in the world you can’t help but shake your head. Example: fivedivision world champion Floyd Mayweather Jr. reportedly racks up an average of $50 million a fight. Last year he fought both Saul Alvarez and Robert Guerrero, each for $50-million a fight. He is the highest paid boxer in the world on Forbes’ list of highest-paid athletes (both in 2013 and 2014), and ranked 14th of all highest-paid athletes on
Forbes’ 2013 list. In 2013, Tiger Woods was the highest-paid athlete in the world with an astonishing $78.1 million. Not only is the gallant golfer known for his performance on the field but also for his promiscuous life off it. Many of his endorsements slid out of reach when it was announced he cheated on his wife with numerous women due to a “sex addiction.” After Woods lost his family and millions of dollars through divorce, he got his life in order and got back to the grind, winning six tournaments in 12 months and earning $65 million in endorsements. Mayweather was no match for Woods in 2013, but he wasn’t to be outdone again. The next year, Mayweather upped the ante and blew Woods out of the water in Forbes’ 2014 list, with $85 million and absolutely no endorsements. The sad part about these outlandish salaries is what they waste it on. Mayweather was rumoured to have bet $10 million on the Broncos in the Super Bowl and has taken much
pride in what some have called a gambling addiction. If the average person had $85 million to blow, would gambling be a first pick? Even more ridiculous than these salaries is what some of these athletes do to get it. Kobe Bryant earned almost $30.5 million having only taken part in six games for the 2013-14 season; his lost season is the most expensive in the NBA franchise’s history. Meanwhile, boxer Manny Pacquiáo has his hands on $62 million,
while LeBron James only grosses $53 million. James, however, gets the majority of his earnings from endorsement deals: Nike, McDonalds, CocaCola, State Farm, and Dunkin’
Donuts. If anyone deserves more money, it would be the three-time MVP. Someone needs to question these outrageous salaries. In October 2013, the BBC reported that the United States has a debt of over $15 trillion, while Canada’s debt is currently reported at a solid $1.2 trillion. These athletes’ salaries combined are clearing the billion-dollar mark. Where does the cost of entertainment end?
By Joel McCarthy
Throw in the towel already
Lakers ranked fifth in Pacific Division Courtnie Martin Sports Reporter
W
ho can ever forget the dynamic years of the Los Angeles Lakers? They controlled the NBA for half a decade and had very little competition. Kobe Bryant took home five rings and coach Phil Jackson has more rings than fingers. But such an incredible history must come to an end at some point, and lately it’s been showing as the team has gotten shamefully blown out in seven of their last 10 games. Perhaps the most eyeburning performance in basketball this season was the sight of watching the Lakers get publicly embarrassed against their rival the Los Angeles Clippers. Call it March Madness, but the Lakers took a spanking. At one point it looked as if
they were playing hot potato with each other, constantly resulting in a Clippers’ steal and humiliating slam-dunk or alley-oop. The Lakers lost by 50 in their home gym. Another embarrassing loss was a 131-102 game against Oklahoma City Thunder. What makes matters worse is the once-fiery team lost Kobe Bryant recently when he admitted he was going to be out the rest of the season due to a bad knee. Although Bryant’s numbers weren’t making much of a difference for the washedup team, his spark and style of play has certainly been missed. After the team began accepting the disappearance of Bryant, they got wind of their ever-sofamous and legendary coach officially agreeing to uproot from the Lakers to head to New York after more than 30 years away. As president of basketball operations for the Knicks,
Jackson will be collecting a hefty $15-million salary per season. Knicks reigning star, Carmelo Anthony, has been reported as saying, regarding the Phil Jackson hiring, “I’m a chess player, and that was a power move.” Regarding what Jackson specifically has to offer, Anthony said, “Phil knows how to build teams. And he knows how to win, that’s the most important thing.” With all the stories going on with the Lakers, it appears as though they are simply playing to get the season over. Although they have retained some bigname players such as Canadian and two-time NBA MVP Steve Nash and Goliath-sized Pau Gasol, the big names mean very little in a league that is growing and leaving behind the older players. The way the Lakers are going they will be the worst team in the NBA in no time.
Kobe Bryant // By www.lakerholicz.com
sports // 18
theotherpress.ca
Working man’s league
CFL pales financially in comparison with NFL Eric Wilkins Sports Editor sports @theotherpress.ca
T
he CFL vs NFL debate has been flogged to death over the years and will likely never end. For my part though, as a diehard supporter of our own brand of football, I’ll take the three-down game over the non-stop two-yard plunges south of the border any day of the week. That said, this article isn’t comparing the entertainment value of the two leagues—rather, the financial compensation for their players. When people hear the words “professional athlete,” they typically have dollar signs pop into their heads, and rightly so. A number of athletes make more in a year than the average person can hope to make in a lifetime. CFL players, however, don’t usually belong to this millionaires club. Most CFLers don’t have fancy homes or garages full of sports cars or luxury yachts. In fact, the majority of them hold down other jobs during the offseason. Let’s let the numbers do the talking for a bit. In the CFL, the salary cap is $4.4 million; meanwhile, the NFL’s is $133 million. CFL practice squad players make an average of $600 a week. NFL practice squad players make $6,000 a week. If
every CFLer got an even cut of the cap, their salaries would be just north of $83,000, though due to star players making a good deal more (QB’s typically make between $250,000 and
$400,000), your average player is hovering around $50,000— the NFL rookie minimum salary is $405,000. There is no such thing as a guaranteed contract in the CFL but there is in the
By ca.sports.yahoo.com NFL—in other words, no job security north of the 49th. Summing it all up, quarterbacks aside, if a player in the CFL is really good and can stay healthy, he might make
According to the Harvard School of Public Health’s website, meeting these requirements can significantly help preventing issues like heart disease and its precursors, insomnia and arthritis. Sport and exercise is even used to treat Type 2 diabetes, some forms of cancers, and even mental health problems—such as depression and anxiety— as they improve mood and alleviate stress. These improved bodily and mental health standards lead to a much longer, happier, and healthier life. Participating in physical activity contributes significantly to weight loss, appearance, and image. Improving all of these things allows people struggling with these types of issues and
confidence-hindering anxieties the chance to have greater self-esteem. All of this creates an ongoing cycle—the more you exercise the better you feel physically and mentally, and the more likely you are to keep it up. Choosing not to participate in sporting exercise can lead to weight gain, muscle loss, and even bone decay, not to mention missing out on some great memories with people sharing a common goal. Feeling fatigued and heavy all day is hard on your body and mind, and can also lead to fatigue and feeling sick-like symptoms more often during the day, according to the Canadian Health Agency. So how about next time you reach for the remote, try
over a million dollars in his career. And when that career is over, he’ll have a battered and beaten body with which to find a new job. Others aren’t as lucky. A good recent example is Stu Foord, formerly of the BC Lions. The tough running back has been in the league for a few years and found most of his work on special teams. Last year he ripped up his knee and tore his ACL in September. While initial surgery was done almost immediately, the damage was so excessive that he’s had to wait until this month to completely repair it. With the recovery time for an ACL often being at least half a year, Foord would be lucky to get back in shape for a team’s playoff run, and that’s only if he makes an Adrian Peterson-like recovery. End result is a man earning around $50,000 a year missing out on an entire season. With a wealth of NFL rejects and college recruits joining the league each year, it could very well be the end of Foord’s career. CFLers are professional athletes, but with the money they make, it’s clear most of them aren’t in it for the financial side of things. Jumps to a lucrative NFL contract are rare, and often don’t work out. It’s a phrase generally avoided in the world of pro sports, but the beauty of the CFL is that most of these guys, whether for a season or 10, are in it for love of the game.
Let’s go sporting Why sports are good for your health Kyle Merritt The Brunswickan
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s many people would agree, sports are fun to participate in, as well as to watch. But what a lot of you may not realize is just how beneficial that game of hockey or that soccer match actually is for your health. Sports of all kinds are an easy and enjoyable way to get in a solid cardio and/or strengthtraining workout. In fact, you will rarely find activities to keep you motivated enough to meet at least the weekly minimum of 150 minutes of moderate intensity or higher aerobic physical activity for people ages 18-65, according to the Canadian Physical Activity Guidelines. What does this mean for you?
Well, it means 2.5 hours, more or less, of any activity that involves moving your legs, arms, and feet; this equates to moderate sports such as golfing, badminton, or softball, or other vigorous activities such as tennis, soccer, or swimming. In terms of physical health, athletics can easily improve cardiovascular capacity and feelings of fatigue. Participating in these types of sports and exercise can play both a therapeutic and a preventative role in the lives of Canadians. Playing higher intensity sports increases the good stress levels on the body and teaches the athletes how to overcome obstacles, as well as how to make decisions when you are drained, which is a key aspect in keeping your mind sharp.
Sport and exercise is even used to treat type two diabetes, some forms of cancers, and even mental health problems—such as depression and anxiety—as they improve mood and alleviate stress. reaching for your gear and head out for some rewarding and intense workout instead?
sports // 19
issue 23 // volume 40
Dollars and sense NFL free agency kicks off Eric Wilkins Sports Editor sports @theotherpress.ca
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’m fairly certain I write a nearidentical version of this article every year. Some NFL teams will make a big splash in free agency and overpay some washed-up has-been, while others will manage to make an even bigger mess of things by failing to address massive holes in the roster despite all the cap-space in the world. For the record, if I’m still around next year, I’ll probably just throw together a Mad Libs article. But for now, onwards and wallet-wards. It’s just not a story if Oakland isn’t involved somehow, and the hapless Raiders are all too happy to oblige. With neither a strong line nor a capable pivot, the priority for the Raiders this off-season had to be re-signing the one good thing going for them on that offence: 26-yearold left tackle Jared Veldheer. Veldheer took off to the Arizona Cardinals instead for a $35-million contract over five years to form a strong young duo with Jonathan Cooper. Oops. To plug the hole on the line, the Raiders promptly went out and signed the St. Louis Rams’ injury-prone guard/tackle Rodger Saffold to a whopping $42.5 million over five years. It was, in the kindest terms, a terrible move. However, Saffold was certainly better than nothing—which is what the Raiders ended up with. Saffold failed his physical with Oakland and then turned around and re-signed with the Rams for significantly less. One more note on the Raiders before moving on: the team grabbed Justin Tuck and LaMarr Woodley. Woodley might be alright, as long as he can stay healthy. Tuck, on the other hand, is done. Sure he had 11 sacks last season, but the brunt of those came in three games. Take away his monster four-sack performance against the Redskins and a pair of twosack games, and you have a man who had three sacks over 13 games. Is that worth $11 million over two years? In other news, the New England Patriots and the Denver Broncos both stepped up their game to make another run at AFC dominance. The Patriots snagged one of the
It’s just not a story if Oakland isn’t involved somehow, and the hapless Raiders are all too happy to oblige. finest lockdown corners in the game, Darrelle Revis, after the Tampa Bay Buccaneers were forced to cut him. Not done there, the Pats then picked up 6’4” Brandon Browner from the Seattle Seahawks to form a fresh pairing at cornerback. The Broncos meanwhile, were no slouches themselves. After stealing Aqib Talib from the Patriots, John Elway went allin for what could be Peyton Manning’s final season and grabbed safety T.J. Ward and aging pass-rushing specialist DeMarcus Ware. All the signings by the two clubs are injury-risks (sans Browner, who is more of a suspensionrisk), but with both teams just needing a little more to get them over the top, they’re risks worth taking. With all the names floating around, this piece could probably cover the whole section, but I’ll cut it short here with one final team making a strong move for relevance. The Buccaneers signed the best corner on the market (Revis aside) in Alterraun Verner for four years and $26 million. The signing came as a shock to many after seeing the arguably weaker Sam Shields re-sign with the Packers for $38 million over the same period. Not finished there, the Bucs added 6’7” defensive end Michael Johnson from Cincinnati and pivot Josh McCown from Chicago. McCown may not be the answer at QB, but he’s a capable signalcaller who will push secondyear Mike Glennon to up his game. Final note: Eric Decker joined the New York Jets. Decker’s about to find out the difference between playing against no. 3 corners while catching passes from one of the best in the business and taking on top-covermen while trying to get on the end of one of Geno Smith’s erratic throws. Good thing he got $15 million, guaranteed.
Jared Veldheer (TOP), Darrelle Revis (MID), Justin Tuck (BOT) // By www.businessinsider.com/ bloguin.com
Alberta’s Destination University. Make it yours.
Make
YOUR MOVE Your next move will set your career in motion College transfer student Courtney Lockhart always knew she wanted to pursue a career in politics. What she didn’t know was that a degree from the University of Lethbridge would take her from Lethbridge all the way to Capitol Hill. Courtney secured a co-op position at Global Centurion in Washington, D.C., an organization focused on the abolition of modern slavery. Not only did Courtney see former U.S.
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton give a speech at the Department of State, but her work allowed her to see the impact of human rights advocacy first-hand.
uLethbridge provides students opportunities to take their education outside the classroom – something that Courtney says gave her insight into future jobs.
Recognized on the national stage as one of Canada’s top-three undergraduate institutions (2014 Maclean’s University Rankings) and one of Canada’s top-three undergraduate research universities (RE$EARCH Infosource, 2013),
The uLethbridge Faculty of Arts and Science offers more than 30 transfer and post-diploma programs for you to choose from. After completing your diploma, earn a degree in as little as two years.
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14-02-26 4:40 PM
This issue:
Been told you’re too funny?
The Lens
Contact: Sharon Miki, Humour Editor
George Stroumboulopoulos to host Kevin’s birthday party
humour@theotherpress.ca
Justin Trudeau throws sick liberal party
www.theotherpress.ca
And more!
By Joel McCarthy
Corporate mascots’ crime spree comes to an end
Beloved advertising characters finally arrested
Cazzy Lewchuk Staff Writer
I
nternational authorities are literally patting each other on the back today following the announcement of a string of arrests of popular corporate advertising mascots. “All of us cops were talking about it like, ‘Should we arrest these guys? Everyone loves them, and they’re mostly fictional,’” said lead arresting officer, Tom Copper. “But then we thought: what would Michael Jordan do? Just do it!” The Kool-Aid Man, 38, was arrested this week for several counts of vandalism, destruction of private and public property, distribution of unsanitary products, and one charge of cannibalism. When asked if he felt any remorse or apologies for the thousands of dollars in damage he caused during his rampage of breaking down walls, his only comment was “OH YEAH!” Trix Rabbit, 54, was caught soliciting for an unknown illegal substance known only as “Trix” in the red-light district on Friday. Rabbit remained silent, although his attorney Lionel
Hutz expressed distaste for his client’s actions, commenting “Silly Rabbit… tricks are something a prostitute does for money!” Rabbit is currently out on bail and awaiting trial, on the condition he not gather anyplace where known dealers, prostitutes, minors, or others who may indulge in “Trix” are present. An unknown little person known only as “Lucky” was involved in a dispute between him and five Coquitlam residents on March 17. Lucky complained the residents were after his “charms” and “magic marshmallows,” which, upon inspection, contained significant amounts of angel dust. Lucky was charged with two counts each of trafficking and resisting arrest, and faces deportation back to Ireland. An unidentified man known informally to police as the “Hamburglar” was caught breaking into a local fast food restaurant and stealing hamburger buns and patties. Although details are still coming in at press time, the man’s wardrobe and heavy makeup indicated he may be part of a much greater crime ring. The Hamburglar’s known associates include former clown Ronald McDonald.
Steven Cayer Actor and known narcotics Senior Columnist
dealer Toucan Sam, 50, was once again arrested for trafficking a series of wheat loops flavoured with fruit and LSD. Despite his current incarceration, Sam released a Sharon Miki press statement encouraging Humour Editor others to pursue a life of humour achieving their dreams and @theotherpress.ca snorting drugs, saying “Follow your nose! It always knows.” Local rabbit Ernie Gizer was arrested by security after interrupting a stadium football game on Sunday. During halftime, the rabbit reportedly walked onto the field wearing sunglasses and banging a drum repeatedly. He is reportedly seeking treatment in a rehab clinic against the substances that have kept him “going, and going, and going…” causing his reckless behaviour. Florence “Flo” Courtney, 27, was arrested for an ongoing scheme that allegedly involved seducing married men and then ripping them off for thousands of dollars under the pretence of selling them “progressive insurance.” Courtney was caught after police received a tip by an insurance salesman identifying himself as “Geico Gecko.”
By www.researchmatters.psu.edu
Extra! Extra!
Breaking news: it’s raining Sharon Miki Humour Editor humour @theotherpress.ca
S
tudents, staff, and people on the street were shocked and horrified on Wednesday when a torrential climate event rocked the Coquitlam campus of Douglas College: lots of rain fell from the sky. “It really is gruesome,” said second-year legal studies major, Annabelle Smart. “I straightened my hair this morning, and now all of that effort is gone. I’m so wet! Why is this happening to me?” Onsite reports confirm the tragedy: at approximately 9 a.m., droplets of water began pouring from the sky. The water caused people to get wet, caused motorists to turn on their windshield wipers in disgust, and caused a total God damned panic. “Rain? This is literally the worst thing that’s ever happened to me!” said an
I’m so wet! anonymous Douglas staff member. Some of those subjected to the sky’s tears questioned the college’s apparent nonresponse to the event. “So, I’m just expected to park my car outside and walk in the rain to get to my classes? That seems like someone hasn’t taken the necessary precautions to ensure student safety,” said 19-year-old arts student Bob Britney. When asked why he didn’t bring an umbrella to shield himself from the madness, Britney added: “An umbrella? Do I look like Rihanna to you? Coquitlam is a suburb of Vancouver—I shouldn’t be dealing with this shit.” At press time, experts’ best guess as to the cause of the tragedy was simply “weather.”
humour // 22
theotherpress.ca
By Allie Davison, Contributor
Abracadabra: go away I am a
who [wish I hadn’t] saw a
Where: Burquitlam When: 2014-03-14 You: Aimlessly wandering the aisles of Coles at Lougheed Mall. Me: Walking directly to the occult section, purposefully searching for the newest Wicca book to add to my collection. I can understand why I caught your eye (my Pokémon T-shirt is quite fetching), but nothing in my demeanour welcomed conversation. You threw your best cloak-and-wizard’s-hat pick-up line at me; I barely glanced your way. But believe me, I wish I hadn’t seen you.
Sometimes, even the Starbucks mermaid gets hangry without her morning mocha.
Is there nowhere safe to look gross post-breakup? I am a
Where: Lafarge Lake
Spaceman & Chet
When: 2014-03-17 You: I was going for my morning run. Sweating. Out of breath. In old, too-small leggings and an oversized T-shirt—looking totally horrible. What you were doing in my neighbourhood, at 8 a.m. on a Saturday? You def saw me. You made eye contact, and looked away, smirking. You, with your perfect hair, perfect bod, and fabulous new gf. I wish I didn’t see you, but I did—and now my life is over.
By Elliot Chan, Opinions Editor
Steven Cayer Senior Columnist
who [wish I hadn’t] saw a
George Stroumboulopoulos to host Kevin’s birthday party
Because, why not? Sharon Miki Humour Editor
Sharon Miki Humour Editor
humour @theotherpress.ca
humour @theotherpress.ca
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n a move that cements his reputation as the ultimate Canadian host of things, TV and radio personality George Stroumboulopoulos is set to host Douglas College student Kevin Guruhgsdfhisic’s 23rd birthday party next weekend. Numerous media and Facebook status reports confirm the news. “Yeah, I was pretty surprised that he agreed to it, too,” noted Kevin, still 22. “But I tweeted at him and he was all like, ‘Yeah, sure bro. I love hosting stuff that I don’t know much about! #hostingrules’” Stroumboulopoulos, 41, began his public career in mega-hosting as a VJ for the MuchMusic channel, and has since gone on to host his own CBC television talk show, George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight; it was also recently announced that Stroumboulopoulos will take over as the new host of Hockey Night in Canada starting next season.
Clearly, the man loves to host. “I just love hosting things,” explained Stroumboulopoulos at a press conference held at Kevin’s mom’s house with respect to Kevin’s big day. “It’s like an addiction: first it was just one or two music videos. You know, cue the Nickelback and all that. But then it got much, much worse. I’ve got the hockey thing lined up for next year, but… I need something to do now. “Also, I really identify with this Kevin Guruhgsdfhisic kid. We both have names that no one can spell or pronounce.” Kevin’s birthday party, which will be held at the Foggy Dew Irish Pub in Coquitlam, will be a beer-themed event. At press time, 332 of Kevin’s friends have been invited to the event on Facebook; 43 guests have been confirmed as “going,” with 150 currently “maybe attending.” “I just want to say that I’m totally honoured to be the face of another major Canadian institution. I hope I can live up to the legacy that Kev’s best friend, Kyle, created by hosting Kev’s 22nd bash,” noted Stroumboulopoulos. “I mean, Kyle coined the phrase ‘whooo, whooo, Kev’s 22,‘ so it’s going to be a tough act to follow.”
humour // 23
issue 23 // volume 40
The Lens
// By Klara Woldenga
Weekly wacky word search Bieber edition In honour of our most beloved Canuck Justin Bieber’s birthday this month, enjoy this Bieber-themed word search. Try not to get arrested before you finish it!
By Jane Lytvynenko/CUP
Justin Trudeau throws sick liberal party John Sweeney Toike Oike
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trip poker followed by a serious debate about strip mining were among several of the activities in Justin Trudeau’s Montreal home last week, as police discovered. In an effort to connect with “the next generation of voters,” Trudeau threw what would be called “the sickest liberal party” at his home. Witnesses say that the event began shortly after 7 p.m. last Friday night, when they noticed the neighbourhood seemed a little less quiet than usual. Liberal MPs from all across the country started to make their way to the Trudeau residence, followed by curious onlookers shortly thereafter. The event featured several activities aimed at luring in new voters and to “just have a good time.” There was even an appearance from “the Pipeline”—an elaborate beer bong designed to teach partygoers about the dangers of using oil. Scarborough MP John McKay was reported to have been seen wandering
the streets in the party’s aftermath wearing nothing but a tie. Another partygoer, a Montreal resident, was found screaming obscenities off the roof near midnight. It took four MPs to get him down. When finding out that Trudeau had held a party without extending him an invitation, Prime Minister Stephen Harper reportedly revoked Trudeau’s invitation to the Prime Minister’s birthday party. Michael Ignatieff and Stephane Dion were invited, but given the wrong address. “I can’t believe he didn’t invite me to his party!” Harper said tearfully in an interview. “I thought we were friends!” Police responded to a noise complaint at the Trudeau residence at approximately 2 a.m. and were shocked to find the house full of drunken and stoned political representatives. Sales of Powerade and sunglasses at the 7-11 next to Parliament Hill were reportedly at an all-time high the next morning as the hungover MPs slowly filed into the House of Commons.