Tips for Talking About Aging In Place with Seniors

BY DALE ANDERSON

It’s a scenario that happens in many families, and when it does, it’s often one of the most painful journeys a family must take together: a senior is experiencing health issues and needs caregiving, and decisions must be made as to how that is accomplished. Most seniors say that they are happier when they are cared for at home, yet the decisions leading up to making this a reality require a lot of thought and discussion. The most important aspects to deciding on arrangements for a senior are this:

What is best for them?

To what extent are they able to take care of themselves?

What will guarantee their health and safety?

Here are helpful suggestions on how to approach this difficult topic.

• Don’t wait until it’s too late. These are the topics of necessary conversations: finances, legal issues, estate planning, caregiving, safety and even driving. Discuss these topics frequently with your senior and your family. If you have discussed and made plans, when the time does come to make decisions, the more prepared you will be. Nothing can be more stressful when a crisis occurs, and everyone is unprepared. The future is unpredictable; a senior’s wishes that were established years ago may not be feasible due to changes in health or finances.

• Be objective and observe before taking any actions so you can be prepared to have a conversation. Nobody likes to be blindsided with a discussion on their caregiving needs without a balanced dialogue. When it is time to do this, your senior might be defensive or even frightened at even the slightest suggestion that they need assistance. Take time to be with your senior so you can discuss specific observations, such as a defi- nite decline in their driving skills. There might be noticeable things around the house that compromise their safety, such as the ability to navigate stairs, preparation of meals, taking a shower/bath. Be sure to notice if their mail is piling up and if they are easily forgetting simple details of everyday life. Do not confront them with these things. Have a conversation that is loving and reassuring.

• In all dialogue, show that you care and support your senior. Seniors need to be assured that their wellbeing is paramount in making decisions about their care. Reassure them that the goal is to let them maintain as much independence as possible.

Often, seniors worry about their future and being placed in a facility that will separate them from family and friends. They can become defensive about the need for lifestyle changes. Reassure them you are serving in a supportive role and not from a position of authority to overtake their lives. It’s only in cases where a senior has become seriously impaired that decisions must be made regarding their care without their consent. If possible, seniors need to be reassured they are involved in the decisions being made.

• When you think it is time to seriously address the issue, your words are important in your approach to a senior’s caregiving needs. It’s a dialogue that should involve you and the senior, so that they do not feel overwhelmed with fear if change is needed for their well-being. It might be wise to approach them by asking how they feel about the future and ask them if they want to discuss anything that is overwhelming them, such as care of their house and yard, or driving. Reassure them you can arrange help to relieve them of some of the stressors that may have risen in their lives. Often, feeling validated is the opening of a door to receptivity.

• The right word from another party, such as a physician, might be what clears the way to a calm transition for the senior. It may be frustrating because you feel you’ve failed, but sometimes the advice of another person might be the key to opening the door with your senior. Maybe it will be through a conversation with a doctor, or a lawyer, or someone in their church who can sit down to discuss options for their needs. Seniors need to feel involved and not powerless. Who isn’t afraid of losing control of their lives? The vital factor in making decisions for a senior’s care is that they are made to feel as much a part of the process as possible. It’s important for you to remain open to all possibilities. The advice from someone else might be wiser than your initial thoughts on the subject, and the senior might be more inclined to listen to the other person. You want what is best for the senior to ensure their health and safety.

— Dale Anderson is Director of Communications, Always Best Care For more information about senior care, please contact Always Best Care us at 205-874-9730 or e-mail us at jmancuso@abc-seniors. com