The Hash House Harriers: a drinking club with a running problem

RUNNING

Ottawa Hash House Harriers combine exercise with the bizarre

By Thom Barker

Ottawa. Winter. Enough said.

With a wicked, skin-chiselling wind whistling through Westboro, itʼs no wonder nobody is venturing far from home. But wait! Whatʼs with the congregation of intrepid souls in running gear and a wacky assortment of reindeer horns, elf hats and other bizarre attire? Must be Monday.

Itʼs the Ottawa Hash House Harriers, the “drinking club with a running problem.” Neither rain, nor sleet, nor alien abduction shall stay these hashers from the swift consumption of their precious beer.

Roger “Delhi Belly” Barliszen— the Religious Advisor (RA)—calls the huddled pack to disorder so one of todayʼs “hares” can explain the trail markings to the “hounds” who will follow in pursuit of beer. Irreverent and lewd comments drown out instructions provided by Larry “Wong Way” Wong. Amid shouts of “On On!” and a cacophony of horns, whistles and sundry noisemakers, the “pack” is off looking for the trail marked in red paint and yellow chalk.

Todayʼs pack is 25 strong, fairly typical for an Ottawa hash. Every level of running expertise from marathoners to walkers is represented, as well as a couple of people already well on their way to tomorrowʼs hangover.

We havenʼt gone more than half a block when we fi nd our fi rst checkpoint in the trail where action is required. A regular check, marked by a circle, means the trail could go in any direction. We wind through the neighbourhood, criss-crossing Churchill Avenue, sidling down the loading bays at Hampton Park Plaza and end up in someoneʼs backyard with the best kind of check of all—a beer check.

Our other erstwhile hare, Sarah Buyers, is there with a freshly tapped keg. After a quick drink, weʼre back on trail with another chorus of “On On!”, the internationally recognized clarion call for being on trail. It allows the slower hounds to follow the faster ones without worrying about fi nding all the marks or solving the checks.

It is very bad trail etiquette to call “On On!” when youʼre not, and transgressors will be duly noted by the RA and subjected to “punishment” later. Even a group that fl agrantly defi es most societal niceties has its standards.

Clever hares will keep the pack together by laying false trails that trick the front-runners into doubling back and allowing the lagging walkers to catch up. When we reach Island Park Drive, we fi nd another check designed for keeping the pack together—a circle with an “H” inside it. This is a “hash hold,” known in some hashes as a “turtle check.” Completely unknown in many hashes, it is used frequently in kinder, gentler Ottawa.

The hash winds through city streets and parks, a couple of ravines and through urban forests along the Ottawa River Parkway. There is a liquor check at a hasher’s home for shots of schnapps and a subsequent beer check at a Richmond Road pub. Then the trail circles back to another hasher’s house for the “on-after” or “on-on-on.”

Trails are not always so innocuous. In my own hashing career, Iʼve almost stepped on an alligator in a swamp near Houston, stowed away on a Boston subway, negotiated a treacherous cliff face off the coast of Washington state, and got lost in some seedy New Orleans back alleys.

Injuries are also not uncommon. Iʼve seen a broken ankle, a dislocated shoulder and plenty of nasty gashes. Every couple of years, news circulates through the hashing community of things far worse— including hashing-related deaths. Hashing may not be for the faint of heart.

And itʼs not for the easily offended! Coarse language, lewd songs, sacrilege, even nudity are not out of place at a hash. Nothing is sacred.

Hashing is not only about drinking beer and wacky antics–exercise plays an integral role, too. The chief goal in the charter of the first hash is “to promote physical fitness among our members.” Doing trail, regardless of how you execute it, is part of the camaraderie.

The regular Ottawa Monday hash usually averages five to 10 kilometres. The more serious runners often engage in “roaming,” which allows them to get a better workout. On the longer runs, walkers are often provided with shortcutting opportunities. At very large hash events, many trails are planned in numerous categories that range from “ball-busters” (20-25 km) to “fat boys” (pub crawls).

Many hashers are serious athletes. The Ottawa Hash regularly sends competitors to various marathons, triathlons,

ultras and other events, including the 298-km Cabot Trail Relay. Hashers who cannot compete often participate as marshals, pace skeletons and volunteers. In more liberal jurisdictions, the local hash often sets up a beer check near a marathon finish line. Perhaps surprisingly, it is often the elite front-runners who take advantage of it, touting the advantages of liquid and carbs.

Hashing is a global phenomenon with thousands of groups in dozens of countries. But itʼs more of a disorganization than an organization, a “bizarro world” of opposites, a foil for polite society. There is no central authority, not that it would have any regulatory control, because there is only one real rule of hashing: there are no rules.

Despite the lack of rules or formal governance, the traditions of the hash are upheld with amazing consistency wherever you go. This is largely because the hash is more like a family than a club. New hashes are born because hashers tend to move from place to place. When a transplanted hasher finds a new home where no hash exists, he or she often founds a new one. For this reason, travelling hashers can almost be assured to be welcomed like lost siblings almost anywhere they go.

Family ties are important and the genealogy is carefully tracked by Malaysian hasher “Tumbling Bill” Panton. The first hash was founded in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia in 1938 and is known the world over simply as the “Mother Hash.” The Father of the hash was Albert “G” Gispert. The original meeting place of Gʼs group was the Royal Selangor Club. It was known locally simply as “the hash house” after the style of food that was served there. The format of the hash was based on the old English schoolboy game of “hares and hounds,” hence Hash House Harriers.

All hashes can be traced back to the Mother Hash. The family tree for Ottawa (b.1985) includes Khartoum (b. 1980), Surabaya (b. 1975) and Jakarta (b. 1971).

Back at our recent Westboro hash, the beer is flowing freely when Delhi Belly yells “circle up!” This is the ritual portion of the hash. The pack gathers around and “G” is toasted. The RA produces the ceremonial drinking vessel—a bedpan. In turn, various people are brought into the centre for their “down down” – chugging beer from the hallowed hospital accessory. The drinking is accompanied by a vast repertoire of denigrating songs.

There can be any number of reasons for receiving a “down down,” including your mere proximity to the festivities. Standard “down downs” include the hare(s), visitors from other hashes, new boots, and people celebrating either hash or “civilian” anniversaries. The ceremony also recognizes trail offences like finishing first, finishing last, stupid behaviour and complaining.

One of the most heralded “down downs” is the naming of a new hasher. Names are very important in the hash. In the early days, when the activity was primarily an offshoot of the military, nicknames replaced ranks to put all hashers on an equal footing.

The circle ends as it does most everywhere with the “Hash Hymn.” Unlike most hash songs that feature original or rewritten lyrics, we sing “Swing Low Sweet Chariot” with the original lyrics, but accompanied by gestures that allude to comedic interpretation.

Ottawa will celebrate its 1,000th hash run over the Canada Day weekend in July. Traditionally, 1,000 th runs are large events planned for months and sometimes years in advance. They may involve hashers travelling from other cities and sometimes other countries. Registration takes place well in advance and usually includes all the beer you can drink, all the food you can eat, entertainment, t-shirts, souvenir name tags, pub crawls and hangover runs.

Although larger than your average hash, these events pale in comparison to regional and world “interhashes” that are normally held bi-annually and subject to a bidding process for potential host cities like the Olympics. In Costa Rica this past year, the Hogtown Hash won the bid to host the 2005 InterAmerica’s Hash. In September 2005, well over 1,000 hashers will descend on the Inn On The Park in Toronto for four days of running, drinking and debauchery. As of February, with almost two years still to go, about 500 hashers from as far away as Beijing had already registered.

So, how do you become a member of the hash? You donʼt, really. There is no formal membership. If you show up for a single hash youʼre a hasher for life. If you donʼt show up, more beer for the rest.

Hashers come from all walks of life. Iʼve hashed with judges and dishwashers, artists and bankers, CEOs and public servants, rich and poor, male and female, transgendered, all races, and probably some extraterrestrials.

One hasher put it this way: “The hash is the great leveller. No matter who you are, what you do, how much money you make, everyone runs the same trail and is equally subject to the wrath of the RA and their fellow sinners afterward.”

On On!

––Thom “Nickname Withheld by the Editor” Barker is an Ottawa freelance writer and former Religious Advisor of the Austin Hash House Harriers.

THE BARK

DRUGS IN SPORTS – a primer

By Ken Parker

DRAW A STRAIGHT line between the podium and the lab.

Once upon a time, athletes determined who would go higher and faster – now it’s in the hands of scientists. In today’s sporting context, “doping” refers to athletes using banned substances or methods to enhance performance. The term first appeared in an English dictionary in 1879, but drugs have managed to wend their way through sports history. 100 AD — Chariot racers fed their horses a potent mixture to make them run faster, and many gladiators were doped-up to make their fights sufficiently vigourous for the blood-thirsty paying public. 1886 — The first recorded drug-induced death occurred when cyclist Linton died from an overdose of trimethyl. 1904 — The first near-death in modern Olympics occurred when marathon runner Thomas Hicks used a mixture of brandy and strychnine. No specific date—Most drugs involved alcohol and strychnine. Caffeine, heroin and cocaine were also widely used until the latter two became available only by prescription. 1930s — Amphetamines were produced and quickly became the athlete’s choice over strychnine. 1950s — The Soviet team used male hormones to increase power and strength, and the Americans developed steroids in response. 1952 — One of the first noticeable doping cases involving amphetamines occurred at the Winter Olympics. Several speed skaters became ill and needed medical attention. Drug use was reportedly rife at the 1952 Helsinki Games, and to a lesser extent at the 1956 Melbourne Olympics. 1960 — At the Olympics, Danish cyclist Kurt Jensen collapsed and died from an amphetamine overdose.

1967 — The International Olympic Committee (IOC) took action when Tommy Simpson died during the Tour de France from taking illegal amphetamines. 1968 — The IOC arrived at a definition for “doping” and developed a banned list of substances. Testing began at the Olympic games. 1976 — The German Democratic Republic (GDR) shocks the world with its performance at the Montreal Olympic Games. History shows that doping was endemic within the GDR sports system— steroids and other drugs were provided to athletes as young as 11 years old. It resulted in long-term medical and psychological problems and occasional premature death. East German shotput champion Heidi Krieger eventually changed sexes to become Andreas Krieger. No GDR athletes ever tested positive at any international competitions.

1988 — At the Seoul Olympics, Ben Johnson tested positive for a banned anabolic steroid, and was stripped of his gold medal and suspended for two years. 2003 — The use of the steroid TGH is discovered and several high-profile athletes test positive. A cyclist admits that he used the performance-enhancing drug erythropoietin (EPO) and suggests up to 90 percent of cyclists also use it.

So crime doesn’t pay? Read on.

A look at the future is even more depressing.

University of Pennsylvania researchers have used gene therapy on mice to produce increased levels of a protein that promotes muscle growth and repair. The mice show greater than normal muscle size and strength, and do not lose it as they age. Rats altered in the same fashion and then put into physical training have experienced 35 percent more strength and do not lose any of it “detraining,” as humans do when they abandon exercise. Officials admit that they have received numerous communications from coaches and athletes about this program.

One of the major issues with eradicating the use of drugs in sports has been the system itself – the athletes, coaches and officials. Ben Johnson’s coach, Charlie Francis, was on the payroll of the Canadian Athletics Federation while he directed a major doping program with his athletes. The federation looked the other way because, in the words of one senior official, “We need Ben.”

Canadian officials have continually set qualification standards based on international rankings set by athletes from countries that tolerate – and encourage – drug use. What kind of signal is this to give to our athletes?

Doctors who worked at the Los Angeles Olympics later testified they were aware of drug cover-ups by Olympic officials. It is questionable whether the IOC would have announced Ben Johnson’s positive test if a Korean newspaper had not already broken the story.

The United States Track and Field Association (USATF) is currently involved in a major dispute with the IOC over their handling of drug testing of American athletes. At the 1984 Los Angeles games, the U.S. Cycling Association decided to try blood doping as a way to get an advantage on the competition. The results were a huge success. The team brought home a U.S. cycling team record nine medals.

Dr. Charles Yesalis is an epidemiologist at The Pennsylvania State University and one of America’s foremost experts on performance-enhancing substances in sports. He has spent 25 years as a primary sports doping researcher. Although he’s losing faith that doping can be solved, he favours funding urinalysis testing to “substantially close” the loopholes.

“And if that doesn’t work, the hell with it,” he says. “The guy or gal with the best chemist wins.” —Ken Parker is a long-time runner, coach and champion of amateur athlete issues.