Conflict Corner: Did You Hear Me?

By Barbara A. Bailey, PhD

No answer is an answer. Tick, tock, tick. Did you hear me? Tick, tock, tick.

No answer…is an answer.

Avoidance represents one of the five conflict management styles and has its place in your tool kit. But a quick way to start or fuel a conflict is to avoid the other person who might not understand why avoidance could be the best response at that time.

Avoiding someone and ignoring someone are different. Need more time to get your emotions under control – avoid. Not sure of your response yet – avoid. Not your business to get involved – avoid. Avoid means you are or could be vested in an outcome to a conflict and you just might “need a minute.”

Ignoring someone is an entirely different thing. Ignoring someone can be interpreted as a lack of engagement, involvement, or concern. Many times, it is a way to play power games, often not because you thought about it, but because your emotions got in the way and you reacted.

In my experience, ignoring can be replaced by avoidance through communication with the other party and lead to an outcome for both parties to be heard. Example: You receive a text that “gets you going.” You need a little time before you respond. The other person texts again. “Did you get my text? Are you ignoring me?” A text back with the following might help: “No. I’m taking time to think it through and answer you. Please give me a little while and I’ll answer you.”

When you approach the situation in this way, you give the other person information to manage their own emotions and you have balanced the seesaw to a possible collaborative outcome. No one likes to feel ignored. Being ignored often stirs up intense feelings. When you decide to avoid and communicate your next step with the other person, you take the focus back to an outcome and not the person. Powerful stuff.

Let me be clear. I am not talking about a threatening situation, a stranger’s advance, or anything along those lines. A stranger reaching out through Facebook, Instagram, a text, or a phone call might require

into your daily routine. Make your dog sit before going out any doors, before getting food, and before you give him or her treats, toys, or affection.

Be consistent and never give your dog a command that you are not able to reinforce. Over time, with lots of patterning, your dog will become proficient in each new command. It is a new year, and you can have a new dog. It is good for you and your dog!

Terie Hansen, Owner of Good Dog! Coaching & Pet Care. More information at www.gooddogcoaching.com

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Pet Perch Continued from page 8

Ryan’s Remarks Continued from page 7 complain and be frustrated about how things are. The second is to do anything in our power to develop a plan and/or find a way to improve things. In this new year, I challenge you to Keep Pushing Forward. This is what I tell all the MBA marketing and leadership students I teach. It is a mindset of finding a way to make things happen. It is the ability to believe in yourself and push harder, and dig deeper in every aspect of your life.

We all can go deeper and find a way. Do not be afraid to fail. As our little green friend Yoda says in Star Wars, “The greatest teacher...failure is.” Also, do not be afraid to be your authentic and transparent self. Everyone desires to have genuine people around them. And if not, trust me – people will talk about you anyway, so why not give them a reason to talk?

So, here is a challenge in 2023. Plan your work and work your plan so you can grow – in all parts of your life – in a deliberate, purposeful, and intentional manner. This will lead to success in this new year (no matter what you encounter), and you will grow and help everyone around you to grow to even greater heights in the process.

Thanks for being part of our amazing Our Town community. Thanks for your ongoing support. Our team is so proud to have played a role in continuing to bring you positive news (through all our media platforms) each and every month. Here is to a great 2023. And now, and as always, thank you for continuing with me on the journey of my town, your town, Our Town!