Conflict Corner: The Ugh Factor

By Barbara A. Bailey, PhD

Ugh. I thought they settled it.

Ugh. Maybe, if I don’t respond, they will stop.

A way that two people can avoid dealing with a conflict is to engage a third party who they know – not a professional – who can take a neutral stance in the conflict. This means engaging someone who they know to complete the third side of the triangle.

You.

Ugh.

Has it happened to you? Two relatives or friends have a conflict and you get a call from one of them to tell you all about it. You listen. You comment. You show support. Before you know it, the other person reaches out to you. “Did you tell her that you don’t believe me and that you side with her on this?” You say, “What?” but you think, “Ugh!” Many times you and I know how to detach and listen without favoritism. We have been told that our listening ear made all of the difference. Truth be told, we might thrive on being in this role and we don’t hesitate to make the time by listening and offering guidance and suggestions. We might think “Ugh,” but we say, “Yes.” However, when it comes to a personal connection, whether it be friends, relatives, children, significant others, partners, and spouses, we take the risk inherent in the emotional ties that bind. That risk rests in the possibility that “two against one” means you are the one. You can find yourself being the target of the conflict before you realize that it changed, and you wonder how in the world did it happen.

Not all ughs end up poorly. Many times, an ugh becomes a “hug” when the parties manage or resolve their conflict and give you the kudos for being the third party of reason, support, calm, and guidance. However, many times I’ve seen it not result in a “hug for all.” I’ve felt the anger, disappointment, frustration, and disconnection when the ugh sticks and I regret letting my own desire to be involved take over.

Can I put my own desire to be involved aside for the greater good of the other two parties, their relationship, and mine with them? Can I draw and maintain a boundary, although they might not want me to and get angry or frustrated when I do?

Here is something that works for me. I don’t like the middle seat. The middle seat on a plane can make me feel hemmed in. The middle seat in a restaurant booth can make me a bit antsy. Being the third side of a triangle in a personal situation can make me feel like I’m in the middle seat. If I sit there, it reflects a choice that I make to be involved, risk and all. Although sometimes not my first choice, if I choose not to sit in the middle, it can be my best choice. What seat works best for you? Let choosing your Ugh become a part of your positive conflict management practice.

Barbara Bailey is the co-founder and CEO of The Healing Bridge Foundation.

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From the Ashes Continued from page 9

especially when it comes to such heavy topics. In fact, the task almost got the best of McGee. She remembers, “The month I was set to publish, I almost didn’t. I almost pulled the whole book. I was feeling very vulnerable as I never told anyone what I had been through, and I was scared of what people would say or think.” But in the end, she showed us why she is so wonderful and did the bravest move yet – she published. “I read it one last time and sent the final version to be published and didn’t think about it again.” And the feedback has been overwhelmingly positive. With her friends supporting her as she wrote, McGee was able to craft a tale that portrays an all-too-common circumstance and shows readers the strength needed to change. She particularly wanted to recognize her friend Alyssa Karney. She says Karney is “…basically my little sister. She has been there for the book, and for me, since day one! She was the first person I told I was writing a book and has been my most loyal beta reader ever since!” And all the support has certainly paid off.

The staff at Our Town wish Sara McGee the best in her journey both personally and as a writer. Thank you for sharing your gifts through your writing as you help those around you heal and break their own cycles. Sara McGee’s novel, From the Ashes, can be found on Amazon.com and Kindle Unlimited.

More information on Facebook at Sara McGee and on Instagram at @saramcgee

REAL ESTATE CLOSING ATTORNEYS 3190 NE EXPRESSWAY STE 310 ATLANTA GA 30341 770-951-2223 phone 678-680-7908 fax Email- closings@closingtoday.com