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CONTENTS
SEPTEMBER 18, 2019 VOL43 NO12
6 EDITOR'S COLUMN: A WHOLE LOTTA PRIDE 8 GROWING INTO OUR PRIDE 10 DENVER PRIDE 2019 14 THE LEGACY OF SUDDENLY, LAST SUMMER LOOKS QUEERER THAN EVER 16 PRIDE AND RESTORATION 18 AURORA PRIDE 24 DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HELP FOR LGBTQ FOLKS 26 COLORADO SPRINGS PRIDE 28 YES, I’M BI … RACIAL, NOW WHAT? 30 HOW I WENT FROM CLUELESS TO LESS STUPID 32 CASTLE ROCK PRIDE 34 REFLECTING ON HOPE 36 BOULDER PRIDE 38 HOW TO ROMANCE YOUR LOVE INTEREST WITH THE ZODIAC 42 BLOODFEST: LISA FRANK 666
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SERVING THE LGBTQ COMMUNITY OF THE ROCKY MOUNTAINS SINCE 1976 PHONE 303-477-4000 FAX 303-325-2642 WEB OutFrontMagazine.com FACEBOOK /OutFrontColorado TWITTER @OutFrontCO INSTAGRAM /OutFrontColorado FOUNDER PHIL PRICE 1954-1993
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FROM THE EDITOR
A Whole Lotta Pride
P
ride season used to just mean a few weeks in June. Work would get really busy, and we’d hustle to stuff bags and make a really special Pride issue. Then, by July, things would return to normal. These days, Pride season is almost half the year. It feels like May through September is packed full of Pride parties to cover, events to attend, and lots of overtime hours.
It’s easy for this to become tedious. It is work, after all. Not getting a lot of weekends is part of the job in publishing; you’re usually either doing an event, or you’re rushing to get ready for a deadline. But it feels like things double and triple around this time of year. So, it’s easy to go to a Pride event in September with a salty attitude, just looking forward for it all to be over. But then something always changes. Sometimes it’s the parent who comes up looking for resources for their queer kid. They stumble over talking about their child’s identity, but you can tell it comes from the best place. Other times it’s the little baby queers who come up, holding hands, asking for matching rainbow bracelets. And, in some cases, it’s someone saying that this event, or this magazine, is the only resource they have for learning about queer culture. There’s always some reminder of why we do this. As I write this, we are preparing to attend Boulder Pride, our final event of the year, and by the time you read this, most all the Prides will be behind us. But even when the leaves fall and the cold sets in, there’s always need for love, community, and connection, even when we’re tired, introverted, or at capacity in terms of what we take on. Pride, and queer love, should be all year ‘round. -Addison Herron-Wheeler
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Growing Into
Our Pride By Colin Brooks
I
realized I was gay when I was around 15 years old during my sophomore year of high school and, being as effeminate as I was, there wasn’t much hiding it from those I interacted with daily at school. In a way, though, I see that as a blessing, because it saved me a lot of trouble when I started to tell my closest friends. I was extremely fortunate in my coming out, because I didn’t face much adversity, which is very surprising in the small town of Weeki Wachee, Florida. I came out to my parents on the Fourth of July, right before I left for college orientation at the University of Central Florida, and got lukewarm reactions—my mom cried, and my dad left the table—that grew into nothing but positive feelings, and for that I am so thankful. A lot of people in my place don’t have such positive outcomes to their coming out, so I did not take their unconditional love for granted. Being gay, as I quickly realized, is more than just coming out to everyone. Though it is something you cannot help and are born as, there is a certain culture that comes with being a part of the LGBTQ community relating to things like pop culture, fashion, music, art, and an overall sense of community that is difficult to put into words other than satisfaction and safety and being able to be yourself when surrounded by a group of others like you. These were things that I did not have access to as a young, gay teen, and I grew up with a very small amount of representation, like the characters on Glee, the contestants on RuPaul’s Drag Race, and whomever I could talk to when I downloaded apps like Grindr in hopes of finding other gay men in my area 8 \\ S E P T E M B E R 1 8 , 2 0 1 9
to befriend and get me through that difficult time in my life. There were no other gay people that I knew of in my town, so I grew up feeling alone, with no real role models to help shape my perspective of what it meant to be involved in the LGBTQ+ community. I had no real perception of others out there besides gay men, because I was never educated in public school about the community, nor was there anyone for me to reach out to who may have been involved in the community and wasn’t a gay man. It wasn’t until I graduated high school and moved to Orlando to attend college at the University of Central Florida that I truly started to open my eyes to the full spectrum of what it meant to be queer and involved in the community. For one, I was able to meet and befriend so many different types of people that I never would have met in my small town, some in the LGBTQ community and some not. I was able to hook up with other gay men around my age and have my personal sexual awakening, and was also rudely awakened to the hookup culture that is so prevalent today. I was able to get one of my first jobs at a Hamburger Mary’s in downtown Orlando, which helped me become more immersed within the culture of the LGBTQ community just by being there. While working at Hamburger Mary’s, I really learned how large our community is, and I made friends with many trans men and women while working there. It was there that I fell deeply in love with the art of drag, and with the help of my drag mother, the incomparable Nicky Monet, I was able to give it a try for myself and have never looked back. By delving deeper into that world, though, I also became aware of the
divisiveness that can happen within the community—arguments about whether trans women can do drag, arguments about whether women in general can do drag, what is considered drag and what isn’t, discrepancies in the skin color of performers, and lots of other disgusting and disheartening ideas that I thought I left far behind in backwoods Weeki Wachee. These discussions, particularly the ones happening among those within the LGBTQ community, baffled me. I feel that we need to stand together against the larger issues at hand, such as those trying to take our rights away for no real reason whatsoever and those who still discriminate against us for something we cannot help. It is disheartening to read bios on dating apps from gay men that detail racial preferences, often blatantly discarding people of color, or see posts on social media from other queer people that discredit the legitimacy of one’s gender for one arbitrary reason or another. People are people, and that should be the bottom line. It’s because of those arguments, and many other factors, that I believe Pride is so important. Today, I am happily in a long-term relationship with my wonderful partner, Ryan, and don’t think I could have gotten here without meeting so many diverse groups of people to help open my mind and pave the way for me. I wouldn’t be able to be a drag queen if it wasn’t for those who came before me to open the door, or be openly gay in public. Pride is so important, because it allows people to feel okay being themselves and might inspire some other little kid to allow themself to utter the phrase “I’m gay,” which will send them on their own life journey.
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r e v n e D e d i r P 2019 Photos by Charles Broshous, Mike Bomberger, and Veronica L. Holyfield
The biggest Pride in the area, Denver PrideFest, never fails to kick off the season right with bigname entertainment, tons of booths, and an entire weekend of fun. As the city grows, PrideFest grows with it, and this party will rival Prides in New York and L.A. before we know it.
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The Legacy of
Suddenly, Last Summer Looks Queerer Than Ever By Tom Joudrey
N
ot so long ago, I found myself in an unairconditioned kitchen crushing pine nuts with a porcelain mortar and pestle. Sweaty and peevish, I turned to my boyfriend, who was standing over the sink, and asked, apropos of nothing, “Have you seen Suddenly, Last Summer?” His eyes lit up: “Yazzz, that’s some scary shit!” I frowned slightly, taken aback at his gusto. He went on, “Ryan Phillippe is so hot in that.” I stared on at him, blankly. He persisted, “What, you’re more of a Freddie guy?” I mean, I can’t disagree: Ryan Phillippe is so hot—in the 1997 slasher film I Know What You Did Last Summer. Before I could mount my high horse, two thoughts came to mind. First, both movies actually do feature skull-stabbing metallic objects. And second, I once launched a five-minute harangue against the Philadelphia, only to learn after my triumphant mic drop that the topic of conversation was The Philadelphia Story. Wrong tea, spilt. Several seats, taken. But putting all that aside, I get why Suddenly, Last Summer wouldn’t set off alarm bells of recognition. Unlike Billy Wilder’s madcap farce of gender pandemonium, Some Like It Hot, it hasn’t quite survived as an iconic queer film into the 21st century, and this cultural amnesia speaks to its fraught legacy. This December will mark the 60th anniversary of Joseph L. Mankiewicz’s 1959 landmark film—and the hailstorm of contempt that greeted its debut. In retrospect, the electrified moral panic coursing through reviewers was a sign of the times. The censorial Production Code was being chipped away and would collapse entirely within a decade. Confronted with lurid new subject matter, reviewers recoiled in revulsion, but today, those protests sound more like death throes of a repressive prudery. John McCarten gave voice to this scolding, pearl-clutching outrage when he berated the film as a “preposterous and monotonous potpourri of incest, homosexuality, psychiatry, and, so help me, cannibalism.” Pass the smelling salts, John. Needless to say, the Doris-Day-loving audiences of the 1950s are worlds apart from today’s savvy consumers of queer art and entertainment, but strangely enough, the film’s stock hasn’t risen. You might say it’s more known than admired. By all rights, the movie should feature prominently in the pantheon of queer cinema. It was drawn from legendary gay playwright Tennessee Williams’s one-act source material and 1 4 \\ S E P T E M B E R 1 8 , 2 0 1 9
adapted by bon vivant Gore Vidal, whose queer bona fides already included his scandalous novel of homosexual selfdiscovery The City and the Pillar. The cast, moreover, was filled out by voluptuous, LGBTQ icon Elizabeth Taylor and closeted leading man Montgomery Clift, whose face bore the visible scars of a horrendous car wreck from only a few years prior. Taylor had rushed to the scene and pulled a broken tooth from Clift’s throat, saving his life. On set, strung out on pills and knocked off-beam by alcoholism, he could only act in short, unsteady bursts. This sensational backdrop seems tailormade to ensure the film’s queer legacy. (And I haven’t even mentioned Katharine Hepburn’s defiant act of spitting in the director’s face when shooting wrapped.) For all this, the film has never been embraced by LGBTQ audiences. The snub is all the more confounding when you consider its high-decibel, scene-chewing campiness. We’re not talking late-career Bette Davis, but still, it’s extra. So, why the cold shoulder? I reached out to film scholar Barbara Mennel, who explained to me, “Suddenly, Last Summer was made at a time in Hollywood when writers, directors, and producers cast homosexuality through homophobic codes, asking spectators to read between lines.”
The result, viewed today, is a dated, cultural artifact saturated with self-hatred. The gay poet at the center of the story, Sebastian Venable, appears only as a faceless, looming, predatory pedophile—an unspeaking and unspeakable void that the narrative won’t make visible. Queer viewers can skirt the anti-gay animus by embracing the campiness of the portrayal, but the homophobic residue remains. Hence, Mennel tells me, “Suddenly, Last Summer is as appalling as it is seductive.”
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So, Suddenly, Last Summer may be a “gay film,” but it’s simultaneously a homophobic film in how it affirms its own stigma. And though this may have been the best queer people could hope for in, well, the Eisenhower years, it obviously doesn’t, like, slay with contemporary audiences. In today’s world of GLAAD-vetted media, plotlines move us either to pity the tragic victims—think Brokeback Mountain—or to root for the acceptance of a character who was “normal” all along, as in Love, Simon. These sympathetic plot structures have become so de rigueur that, from where we stand in 2019, Suddenly, Last Summer can look not just degrading but even unrecognizable as a queer film. But, maybe that shock of the uncanny is useful. Suddenly, Last Summer gives us a vantage point to see our own cultural moment with fresh eyes—and to recognize just how, well, didactic the arbiters of queer fare have become.
And bless their well-meaning hearts, but there really are, truth be told, decadent, callous, brutal, capricious, jealous, petty, and vindictive LGBTQ specimens among us. Maybe encountering a character that isn’t programmed to vindicate queer identity writ large is a breath of fresh air. At its best, art should be capacious enough to get at the good, the bad, and the ugly. And perhaps Suddenly, Last Summer can get us to blink and break our myopic focus on the individual struggle for acceptance. After all, the real depravity at work here isn’t the solitary deviant but the supervising institutions. An entire psychiatric ward is devoted to drilling holes in skulls. The hospital administrator is so eager to pocket a bribe that he would maim a healthy woman in the process. And the pious Catholic nuns treat every infraction—even indulging in a cigarette—as a telltale sign of iniquity. If last year’s Boy Erased made a pinprick indictment of conversion therapy, Suddenly, Last Summer makes a much more sweeping indictment: institutions of expertise serve the powerful by assigning wickedness to the innocent and eccentric. Handing over power to putatively benevolent caretakers is a risky venture. Those pining for administrative affirmation, take note.
Illustration by Kyle Malone
For example, it could be that GLAAD’s sweeping ambition— unquestionably well-intentioned—to reshape the LGBTQ media landscape into something that is affirming, accepting, and psychologically salubrious has tied the hands of writers. I call it the “role model” school of film criticism: if it’s not suitable for emulation by a 12-year-old, it’s not fit for the screen.
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Incidentally, I did eventually cajole my boyfriend into watching Suddenly, Last Summer—this after breaking the news that Sarah Michelle Gellar would, sadly, not be making an appearance. As Katharine Hepburn ascended into the ceiling and the credits began to roll, he leaned in towards me: “Wow. She looks a lot different in Breakfast at Tiffany’s.” This time, he was in on the joke. OUTFRONTMAGAZINE.COM
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Pride and Restoration
ooking back on this summer as it comes to a close, I am struck by how my life continued on as normal after the end of June this year, as all queer folks’ lives certainly did. After the parties and the dancing and the celebrating faded away, after the rainbow flags were taken down in the shops and bars, we continued on living as who we were.
Despite going back to normal life where no organization or company or heterodominated space is overtly celebrating my existence, I’ve been continuing to consider the meaning of Pride anyway, the way that it has changed and molded me and brought on the restoration of my spirit. I remember being in rehab just a few months before Pride month in 2017. At the time, I had just come out to everyone who was there with me. They felt like the safest, most loving group of people I had ever known. They encouraged me to write a letter to my closest friends, coming out to all of them as well. I took their advice and ran with it, sending a letter to close to 20 people, but purposefully excluding my family members out of deep-seated and soul-piercing fear. Growing up in a conservative, fundamentalist Christian household, I knew that none of my family members would welcome my queerness into the fold. The truest fear came up for me around coming out to my mother. I thought I would never, not in a million years, be ready to face her as who I really was. I remember so clearly when my mother came to see me during my time in inpatient treatment for a session with 1 6 \\ S E P T E M B E R 1 8 , 2 0 1 9
By Shelby Yaffe
my family therapist. Nearly everyone I knew there had congratulated me in their own way—they wrote letters or made me art projects, and I had painstakingly taped them all to my bedroom door. The center of the display was a giant “Yay! Gay!” sign painted gently in every color of the rainbow by a sweet friend. I remember being so terrified at the thought of my mother seeing my door that I asked my therapist to walk us the long way through the hallways, avoiding that demonstration of acceptance altogether. To say that I was afraid is an understatement. I cannot stress enough how wracked with guilt I was about coming out, how ashamed and embarrassed, how I shook inside as I anticipated wrath, wondering if I would be disowned and thrown out of my family forever. We did end up taking the long way. My mother never saw the door.
If you were to fast forward to June of that same year, you would not recognize me as the woman who couldn’t stomach the thought of my family knowing the truth. I went to Pride that year in an electric blue tutu, danced like I had never danced before, moving my body with newfound freedom, and posting pictures of the festivities along the way. Somehow the party itself had transformed me. Somehow the feeling of belonging had ushered me home. And to my great surprise and relief, my family did not disown me. Not when I went to Pride with a smile on my face. Not when I came out to them. Not when I brought a girlfriend to Thanksgiving. Not even when I proposed to her in front of my parents. My mother came to my
wedding and sat in the front row. My father walked me down the aisle. None of this would have been possible for me to even dream of without Pride bringing me out of my shell. That may seem like quite a stretch—a party full of rainbow flags and queer bodies saving and changing my life—but it is my truth, and it is why I believe down to the marrow in my bones that Pride is radically important. After that fateful first year that I attended, I began to anticipate Pride month like some people anticipate December. The way that Christmas lovers wait for the lights and the music and the gifts, I wait for the rainbows and the Carly Rae Jepsen and the dancing. I wait with held breath for the freedom. I wait for the way that I feel like I belong. Pride as a celebration, Pride as a radical statement, Pride as taking up space in a time made just for me and people like me, has shaped the way I show up in the world. It has changed how I interact with my family. It has moved me to be okay with the terms that describe me—“queer,” “lesbian,” “femme.” It has been a completely important, beautiful part of my life. I know that I am not alone in my love for the revelry, but I hope that straight and LGBTQ folks alike can recognize the vitality of this time, the way that it lifts shame off the shoulders of the oppressed, the way that it changes the shape and size of the burden we hold in our hands. Pride has brought me safety and love and liberation, and even after it is over, somehow the vibrations of it carry me through the year.
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Photos by Charles Broshous and Veronica L. Holyfield
Our very own, special party, Aurora Pride was beachfront for the first time this year. Since it was a smashing success, we’re hoping to bring you back to the beach next year for even more fun in the sun, so start planning your lqqk now. 1 8 \\ S E P T E M B E R 1 8 , 2 0 1 9
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Central City's 11th Annual
CREEPY CRAWL FRIDAYS & SATURDAYS: October 18 & 19, 25 & 26 7:00 PM - 9:00 PM
Tours leave every 20 minutes; please arrive 10 minutes before scheduled tour time.
CENTURY CASINO - 102 MAIN ST Enter through the Gregory Street Entrance. TICKETS: $15 in advance through www.eventbrite.com OR $20 for walk-ups (Admittance dependent on available spots.) Visit www.gilpinhistory.org or call 303-582-5283
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VOTE NOVEMBER 5TH! Aurora is the city of culture and our diversity is what makes this city so special. People are calling for an honest leader who will work to bring the community together; not to further divide us. As your Mayor I promise to work for opportunity for all, leaving no one behind. Together, let’s do this.
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Domestic Violence
HELP FOR
LGBTQ Folks By Judy Wolf
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ne of the biggest communities that is underserved when it comes to domestic violence is the LGBTQ community. For those not in a hetero-normative relationship, it’s very difficult to find a safe place to escape to when fleeing from domestic abuse. Whereas homeless shelters are one option for people who find themselves in this terrible situation, this is often NOT not a safe place for the queer population. Statistics show there is more violence inflicted via hate crimes on the transgender and bisexual communities, not including abusive relationships. It’s hard enough to face the reality that one is in an abusive situation, let alone trying to find refuge only to have fewer options. Sometimes, just reaching out to begin with is the hardest part. Often, in abusive relationships, there is no physical violence, and victims may think they do not ‘count’ as being able to seek help. The abuser preys on this mentality, and it can be very difficult to see one’s way through this mental maze of madness. This is a scary time. There are many awful tactics used to inflict abuse in domestic violence, from economic to emotional. A power and control dynamic used in abusive LGBTQ relationships may also contain threats directed specifically towards gender and sexuality, i.e. threats to ‘out’ someone, demeaning the victim by telling them they’re ‘not really gay’ or ‘not really a woman/man,’ or calling someone ‘it.’ This is less common in hetero-normative relationships, and it’s hard to look for help if you don’t know where to turn. Reaching out is difficult, to say the least. Finding a safe place to go while needing to figure out what to do next can be daunting. Facing homophobia, a lack of resources, and being outed makes this even harder. Still, there is help. All you need to do is pick up the phone and find your refuge. Sometimes, just calling a hotline can help. It is safe, and the people on the line are trained. One can hang up; one can ask about any knowledge the advocate may have about a specific situation. One of the very helpful things the advocate can do is help with a safety plan. In this case, during conversations, hotels can be found and vouchers given out for food and bus rides or all of the above. This safety planning can be put in place over many phone calls. A person can call as many times as needed when they have a ‘safe’ time to be on the phone and just need someone to talk to. Many websites online have an ‘escape’ button one can click on, and the screen disappears. Also, advocates are trained to know if an abuser is calling trying to get info about a victim, and they have an ear out and know red flags when they come up. You can call many times and get help when you need. Anything that is able to empower a person during this time can be helpful when one doesn’t know which side is up. The calls are free.
The Delores Project, Denver 303-534-5411 The Delores Project provides safe, comfortable shelter and personalized services for unaccompanied women and transgender individuals experiencing homelessness.
Colorado Coalition Against Domestic Violence There are crisis lines throughout Colorado, or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).
Rose and Andom Center They are not a shelter but can help LGTBQ people find shelter. 1330 Fox Street Denver, CO 80204 720-337-4400 info@roseandomcenter.org
Colorado Address Confidentiality Program If you will be moving, you may want to use the Colorado Address Confidentiality Program to protect your new address. An advocate at your domestic violence program will be able to help you with this, or you can contact the ACP directly: 1-888-341-0002. https://www.violencefreecolorado.org/find-help/
The Center This is a great place to find queer resources. https://lgbtqcolorado.org/
SPAN–Safehouse Progressive Alliance for Non Violence–serving Boulder County This is a hotline serving all of Colorado. 303.444.2424 https://www.safehousealliance.org
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Photos by Mermaid Jade Photography
Who could forget our friends to the south? Colorado Springs is full of love, Pride, and community in the middle of an area that can be a lot more conservative. Like a diamond in the rough, this Pride shines every year.
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#Where AthleteMeet sArt
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By Bernard Leak
YES, I’M BI … RACIAL, now what? An open letter to biracial people who are tired of being asked, what are you?
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here comes a point in our lives when we realize we’re “different.” And depending upon where you are, the “difference” can come up in many ways. For me, I was 6 years old. My mom decided that she would enroll me in the Boys & Girls Club summer program. This Boys & Girls Club was in the middle of a low-income area and housed many black kids, like me, whose parents were single and worked during the week. The big day came, and she dropped me off. Little did either of us know, my racial identity would never feel so one-dimensional again. What are you? Upon my arrival, I just stood there. I’m an only child, so seeing an excess of kids free to run, scream, and exist was overwhelming. I found the wire fence holding me up as I surveyed the kids in their tribes. And then it happened. A little ray of sunshine walked up to me and asked: “What are you?” I didn’t initially understand, so she repeated the question, referencing my skin. I then said, “Oh, I’m biracial; my mom’s black and dad’s white.” She looked me up and down and said, “Nah, you’re black; come on.” In that moment, my quest to understand my racial identity launched, and I haven’t looked back since. In short, I recognize race to be a social construct often understood through a person’s lens. I was born and reared in the South. That matters, because my parents deciding to date, wed, and have a child meant a lot of chaos came with it. As a result, I got to experience the turbulence of their union. I learned early on that though I recognized my dad’s side of the family in my racial makeup, that really didn’t matter. Racial presentation took precedence; I was black, and everyone around me knew it, even if I didn’t.
Illusion of Inclusion I once heard a white man ask, "Why do biracial people tend to take the side of the'minority' mix versus the white mix (where applicable)?" I laughed, because, for many of us, we don’t have that option. My racial presentation enters the room before I open my mouth, and as a result, I’ve learned to navigate accordingly. In no capacity will I experience the privilege of being white, addressed as white, or see myself as white. Me
assuming my half-whiteness will afford me inclusion or acceptance is unrealistic. It’s an illusion I can’t afford. Race isn’t a neat concept that captures each of our experience. Yet, through all its murkiness, it’s led me to a community and culture that I embrace fully.
I am Who I Am For the record, when you ask someone who appears racially ambiguous “what they are,” accept their answer. When asked, I say black. Then there’s usually a follow-up of, “But, no, like, what are you mixed with?” This further presses the issue, leading to what feels like an interrogation and an awkward moment. Sure, my racial makeup matters, but the way it manifests in a conversation matters, too. It’s important to be mindful of color complexes, fetishization, and boundaries. That little phrase carries a lot of baggage for a lot of us who have been asked by people who follow up with inflammatory statements. I say all of this to say, yes, I am biracial and identify as black, and that’s completely valid. I once heard a biracial person say that our culture is confusion. In some ways, I get it. We have so many internal questions and meet so many questions externally that our racial makeup feels loaded and complicated. Those complications aren’t going to be unpacked overnight. Being mixed with the oppressed and oppressors’ blood is a loaded experience that comes with various battles. But, when you’re curious about the person who just walked in the room at work, a conference, or on date and want to ask, “What are you?” don't. Ask a better question. Dig deep. Or simply wait until they bring it up themselves. They’ll thank you for it. In closing, we’re in an amazing space where we allow people to express themselves in a way that feels authentic to them. Biracial people must be afforded the same freedom of identity. My racial makup doesn’t have to make sense to you. Heck, for a good portion of my life, it didn’t make sense to me. But what I do expect is to be treated with respect, to not be minimized because of how you want me to present or identify, and to be free to expect you to not ask that age-old, insensitive question: What are you? OUTFRONTMAGAZINE.COM
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How I Went From Clueless To Less Stupid
“And I knew exactly what to do. But, in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.” Micheal Scott
I
By Arianna Balderrama
started my internship at OUT FRONT magazine as a freshman in high school. The opportunity was provided to me through my school’s internship program. I say provided very lightly. I sought out my internship when OUT FRONT wasn’t even looking for an intern, especially a child. Because of the “nature” of the magazine, my principal had to attend the informational meeting with me rather than my advisor. It was like the Men In Black were threatening me for drifting into a foreign planet. The planet being called Uranus. As an insecure, pimpely, dry-haired 14-year-old, I was left confused as to why the surveillance. Was my gayness clogging the world like my pores? Nevertheless, I was able to start the internship. My first day, I had coffee with my mentor. I hadn’t had much coffee in my 14 years of life at the time. At 17, I now have a caffeine addiction. Oh, the struggles of white collar jobs! Coming back to the office, I was stuck in the conference room. I was later told they were afraid of me because of some of the content they covered. They thought I’d snitch to my school. I’ve been alive 17 years, and I am without stitches. I expressed I really don’t mind gay porn sent through mail. In fact, the titles gave me inspiration for band names. Three years later, cut forward to the office’s impersonation of me saying, “I don’t care” in a monotone voice. I understand the worry, but Black Mirror’s “Arkangel” taught us all shielding children can lead to violent teens. My first mentor was a woman. Up until that point, I had never met a lesbain before. I was in awe. I spent about a month sitting with her at her desk practically observing her, up until she quit. On to another mentor. I spent most of my time with them already; it was an easy switch. They taught me most of what I know now: do your research before an interview, make the interview feel like a conversation, and always have a good hook to your story. 3 0 \\ S E P T E M B E R 1 8 , 2 0 1 9
I grew a personal connection with them, and to this day, we still talk. My admiration for them stemmed from being bossed around and getting Taco Bell with them and my current mentor. Before I get ahead of myself, let’s back-track to what I have accomplished here so far: I interviewed MILCK, whose music became an anthem for the #MeToo movement, went to Pride, interviewed some of my favorite bands, and attended the Power Gala, just to name a few things I’ve done. I capitalize on my accomplishments here, but journalism was a Plan B for my future career, because I’m f*cked. I’ve always enjoyed writing. I’ve felt the recognition from teachers throughout my school years. I later realized, if I wanted to make money, I couldn’t pursue creative writing unless I wrote the Bible or self-help books for teens killing their dreams in order to live. Journalism came to me through a Google search on writing jobs. I knew what it was. I had an idea on what to do and how, but I went into OUT FRONT oblivious. Honestly, I don’t know why they even took me in. I didn’t know what I was doing. I forgot to mention, I won an Oscar for my short film titled Winging It, Still: Three Years Later. Even now, as a senior, I remain unsure as to what I’ll do for a career. I understand happiness does not come with a price tag. Unless it’s The Office box set. In that case happiness, is worth $82 plus shipping. Setting my The Office box set aside and being honest, it is frightening to be clueless of what your future holds. Will I land a job at OUT FRONT? Will I pursue forensic psychology? Will I live off of my parent’s money until I die? As of late, I worked with OUT FRONT’s sales team to create the Youth Art Zine in our art issue. I am not one to socialize. I am a self-classified misanthrope. My biggest worry for this project was talking to others. I can do interviews, because I’ll later have peace writing, but asking people for their money; that’s a whole different type of anxiety. I spoke for a total of five minutes throughout my time with the sales staff. I simply summarized very quickly the purpose of the Art Zine. Literally, the Zine would not have happened without the sales staff. They deserve every prescription of Xanax ever. Creating the Art Zine was not as difficult as I’d imagined. I always manage to think about the worst of a situation. In this case, it was talking to strangers and getting a lot of “no’s,” but that didn’t happen. Working with and slightly managing the creators was the best part. An ounce of authority changes a person. Elect me for president next election. I enjoyed learning about the featured artists and having a chance to speak with them. It brought me back to one of the reasons why I grew a fascination with journalism: people. I know; I know; I called myself a misanthrope, but throughout my experiences here, I have come around.
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We are not money people We are not power people We are not famous people
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building a cannabis brand for those who are on the search for the greatest adventure, to find something genuine.
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Photos by Addison Herron-Wheeler
e l t s a C k c o R e d i Pr
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For the first time ever, Castle Rock got a Pride too. Tired of either commuting north or south to get their sense of community, they threw their own party, and the Pride traditions in Castle Rock are off to a sickening start!
OUTFRONTMAGAZINE.COM
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ON HOPE REFLECTING REFLECTING ON HOPE REFLECTING By Macie Bennett
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“Well you were kind of asking for it,” they said to me. “You’re just drawing attention to yourself.” This was the mass response I got at my small-town high school, when I chose to openly walk down the hallways holding her hand or to leave love letters in the vent of her locker during passing period. It wasn’t bad enough I was already struggling on my own trying to sort all this out—I had to bear their judgement and ignorance too. But I did it—with pride. Her name was Hope, and she was my first girlfriend, my first gay relationship, but more importantly—my first love. She was the new girl—more or less. It was freshman year, and most of us had known each other in middle school, but Hope had transferred in and was a new face to our group. I guess we were instantly drawn to each other—just two goth girls in band tees amidst a group of misfit ninth graders trapped in a small, centralCalifornia farm town. We were already branded as “weirdos” in the high school clique realm—we were barely tolerated outside of our small group. But our friends could not always be there to protect us, and in those moments, we were “out.” Hope and I were infatuated and in love with each other—we were also proud; we were also stubborn and rebellious. But we did not deserve what we suffered as fragile 14-year-olds. One afternoon just before fifth period, I was walking Hope to her classroom, often late to my own. Holding hands, we walked down the second-floor hall of the E building. The harsh stares of our classmates burned a hole in our hearts, and just near the end of our walk, WHOOSH-BAM! A bunch of rolled-up binder paper balls hit me in the head. Fearful, Hope and I kept walking and picked up our pace. We got safely to her class; I kissed her and turned around to go to my classroom. The bell had just rung, and the halls were quiet, but I wasn’t sure it was safe. Cautiously rushing down the stairs and into the B building, I was almost there. Around a sharp corner, a crowd of cackling girls approached me and spit on me in passing. Then they laughingly and, with great spite, shouted “Dyke!” This pretty much continued to be a staple of my daily life for the next few months. Due to the nature of the small town, school authorities lacked compassion when I looked to them for support. This forced me to transfer schools to the next town over, which was more populated and urban. Needless to say, Hope and I broke up. Was it something between us? Or did the stress of the bullying play a part in the end? Regardless, this was a turning point in my life. Something about myself forced me to take a physical action like changing schools. It was then I knew my life would be not be ordinary, nor easy. And looking back fifteen years, I wouldn’t change it. Because I am proud, and you know what? I am happy.
OUTFRONTMAGAZINE.COM
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Photos by Veronica L. Holyfield
Boulder
Pride This gorgeous PrideFest is the perfect way to end the season and usher in fall. Boulder is more about the great outdoors than it is partying on the beach or in the streets, so what better time to celebrate Pride than early September?
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OUTFRONTMAGAZINE.COM
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HOW TO ROMANCE YOUR LOVE INTEREST WITH THE ZODIAC
R
By Joshua Lionlight
omancing feels like it’s a bit of a lost art in today’s world. Perhaps technology is to blame, since we have access to a glorious amount of dating apps and being able to select willing individuals with a swipe or a click without much lead-up. Romancing your love interest is about learning their likes and delivering on them with personal style and heart.
Effort is sexy! If you desire true love, you must allow yourself to invest in someone, to fearlessly romance with a raw vulnerability and understanding that there will be bumps along the way. Let’s face it; attracting a mate can be tricky, so here's how we can put our best foot forward when trying to woo our love interest.?
ARIES: Avoid being timid. Be forthright with them! They are attracted to drive and passion. Keep it new and fresh. They get bored with routine and matters related to the past. Allow them to take some control. Try a physical activity like axe throwing, a sporting event, a stunt show with hoops of fire, or a date that’s competitive in some way. It will seriously intrigue them!
TAURUS: Be patient with them and do not rush. They appreciate someone with sustainability. Physical jokes strike their humor. When looking for prompt discussion, talk about money, wealth-building, or good ol’ mother nature. Keep it low-key. A restaurant with good food and drink, a beautiful museum with a lush garden, hiking, or wine and paint is a date winner with them!
GEMINI: Their interests are wide, but they are not too keen on learning the depths. Intellectual conversation and gossip capture their attention. Be versatile with them, or they will bore easily. Keep it fun but educational! Take them to a festival, theatre show, board game party, obstacle course, picnic, or somewhere that allows you to have a good, open discussion!
CANCER:
Be soft with them, for they are very sensitive and empathetic. Show your admiration for one of their quirks or qualities. They are very intuitive and often interested in spiritual discussion. When prompted, they love giving constructive advice. A good date for them might include live music under moonlight, an art show, a stroll on the beach, creating a dream board, or dinner at home.
LEO: Praise them and their successes! They often have a great sense of humor, so say or do something to make them laugh. Charm and ambiance are appreciated. They respect forward intentions, so be bold! Don’t be afraid to be “extra” with your gestures. Take them on a date to the comedy club, an expensive wine tasting, a ball, exotic petting zoo, stargazing, or the latest artsy thing in town!
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VIRGO:
They are health nuts, and probably have the laws of nutrition memorized! Planning things out with them is best, for they tend to despise spontaneity. Talk about work or their favorite pet to keep a merry conversation going! They appreciate detail and a practical motive. A date to an agreed restaurant, berry picking farm, mystery play, popular band, or orchestra would make them happy.
LIBRA:
These people are huge social butterflies! They have a diverse cultural interest. You’ll hit it off if you allow them to educate you on something and then adamantly compliment them on how smart they are. Avoid making them choose, for they can get overwhelmed with indecision. They love luxury. Go to a beautiful bar, a museum, musical venue, cultural event, or a fashion show for a date!
SCORPIO:
Mystery intrigues and excites them! Make sure to listen attentively when they speak, or they’ll get annoyed with you. They usually appreciate dark humor. No subject is too deep for them, so by all means, debate what the meaning of life is! Don’t be surprised if the topic of sex arises on the first date. Try a scary movie, haunted attraction, art show, water sport, psychic reading, or a nightly stroll!
SAGITTARIUS:
They enjoy discussing current events, philosophy, and their friends. New adventures fuel their fire! Avoid cornering or being controlling with them. It’s a big turnoff. They love to learn and explore new places. Take them to a restaurant that they’ve never been to, an outdoor concert, a sporting activity, laser tag, karaoke, or even a rodeo show!
CAPRICORN: Aloof and cautious upfront, these people appreciate someone who’s amusing and can carry a conversation since they prefer to listen. Respect their time and do not be late! They strongly admire discipline, a good work ethic, expensive taste, and standards. Talk less and move with them in dance or walks in a park. Do a scavenger hunt; hike up a mountain; go to a book signing, or hit up a theatre show for a date!
AQUARIUS: These people enjoy a social scene but prefer discussing important topics, not the latest trends. Bring up anything humanitarian-related and they’ll have something to say about it! Conspiracy theories fascinate them. Romance them by taking them to a benefit event, science fair or museum, skydiving, sci-fi conference, planetarium, or rooftop party!
PISCES: Discuss your fantasies and ask them theirs. They appreciate a broad imagination. Be sentimental. Subjects on mysticism, the supernatural, and the arts, including poetry, really interest them. They enjoy having some secrets. Go on a date to a political conference; tour the state capitol; visit an art exhibit; see a fantasy film; go to Disneyland, or check out a theme park! A price is asked of you when romancing ... risk! Sometimes, you just have to act like a fool and risk your feelings being judged. Try not to take it too seriously. We are meant to connect with each other. Don’t worry about any screw-ups while romancing your partner; they’ll be laughable in due time. Now, get to romancing!
OUTFRONTMAGAZINE.COM
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For the past three years, three months, and three weeks I have been publicly living as my affirmed male gender. My name is Cass Daniels, and I am a transgender social worker. When I was born in 1990, the doctor told my parents that I was female, and it took me almost 24 years to figure out that I am actually a man. This process of figuring out my identity was a long, lonely journey, full of struggles and strife. My experience is not unique to gender-expansive individuals, and often it can be difficult to find community, support, and a sense
of belonging. This common experience is why I am incredibly excited to announce a brand-new clinic called the Transgender Center of the Rockies. The Transgender Center of the Rockies (TCR) is a new non-profit organization under the Mile High Behavioral Healthcare umbrella. With the closing of the Gender Identity Center, it is critical to have a space for transgender and gender-expansive individuals to receive competent mental health care and have a space to form community
and relationships. At the TCR, we have a mission to provide holistic and competent gender-affirming services that aim to empower and support transgender and gender-expansive individuals to live full, meaningful, and authentic lives. We are dedicated to providing social-emotional support and substance abuse treatment for the trans community through individual and group counseling, peer-led support groups, employment case management, PreP case management, and community events.
OUTFRONTMAGAZINE.COM
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Photos by Stu Osborne The queer dance party Bloodfest was drippin' at Meadowlark on Wednesday, August 14. Staying true to its namesake, hostexx Lisa Frank 666 brought the glamorous gore and drenched drag.
Lisa Frank
666 Bloodfest 4 2 \\ S E P T E M B E R 1 8 , 2 0 1 9
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