PERSPECTIVES
Saying “No” for Your Health
R
ecently my wife and I went through a tradition we loathe. Namely, buying a new vehicle every 10 years or so. It isn’t that we don’t have an idea of what we want—it’s the fear of who we might end up talking to during the process. After looking online for a few months we spotted a candidate to become our sweet new minivan. (Don’t judge me. They are super convenient.) Over our lunch break we drove to the dealership and were met by a salesman. Not a salesman as in a generic respectable category of occupation, but a salesman in the sense of a desperate human being who would punch a kitten in the face just to make a deal. The salesman showed us the minivan. Not only was it scratched up and missing basic features, but it drove terribly. No. The captain’s chairs adjusted on a track that, as my wife
Respecting boundaries One reason saying “No” is so difficult is because the people asking us to say “Yes” are the ones who help us develop our identity. Parents, teachers, pastors and spouses are just a few of the people who orient us by helping us create a sense of self and how that self is supposed to function. The challenge comes within pointed out, would become a my “No” kicks in. It’s a “No” communities (including mass grave for goldfish crack- rooted in principle. When church) where others create ers. No thank you. people pressure me to do social identities that make The salesman ignored every things rooted solely in their people feel guilty when setting concern we expressed and own selfish desires, my “No” is healthy personal boundaries. even had the audacity to argue immovable.1 But remember, Jesus recogwith a mother of 12 years No doubt you can relate— nizes the need for “No.” Jesus experience over the nature just replace a pushy salesman states: “Let what you say be of goldfish crackers. No, we trying to sell a van with a high simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything aren’t interested. When we tried pressure evangelist trying to more than this comes from to exit he persisted, “What’s get baptismal decisions, dead- evil” (Matt. 5:37). wrong with the van?” It just beat relatives trying to conWhat’s more, for those of feels cheap. “Well it is cheap!” vince you to give them money us prone to badger people to Yeah, no thank you. We bought (again), or a domineering boss give us what we want, a closer another vehicle a week later pressuring you to work late. reflection on this verse not and still got messages from this Fostering a community of only means we need to be firm salesman asking us why we generosity and helpfulness with our boundaries, but it couldn’t come back and buy is great (see Gal. 6:2 and also means we need to respect his dumb van. opposite page). However, other people’s “Yes” and “No.” even within a generous and “No” is an important part of Rooted in principle service-oriented community good communication health, there is room for “No.” Paul and healthy communication I am a difficult person to writes, “Each one must give directly impacts psychologsell things to since I teach as he has decided in his heart, ical, emotional and physical persuasion and can mentally not reluctantly or under health. Without healthy check off the techniques being compulsion, for God loves a communication creating attempted on me. I don’t mind cheerful giver” (2 Cor. 9:7). boundaries we end up physisomeone using good techSaying “Yes” because someone cally, emotionally, spiritually nique for a good product I’m compels you, shames you, or or financially sick. Or worse, interested in, but as soon as physically forces you is not driving an inferior minivan. I sense a push that ignores really generous; it is the fruit 1. The difference between persuasion what I am communicating, of false religion.2 and propaganda is that persua-
DR. SETH PIERCE is a popular author and speaker who pastored for 16 years before entering academia as assistant communication professor at Union College.
sion seeks to benefit all involved. Propaganda only has the interest of the propagandist in mind. 2. “Force is the last resort of every false religion,” Ellen G. White, The Signs of the Times, May 6, 1897.
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