CROSSROADS

FATHERING A SON WITH SPECIAL NEEDS

My name, Ntokozo, means ‘joy/ happiness’ in Ndebele, my native language. I was born in the city of Bulawayo, Zimbabwe. All my life, I have strived to embody my name and bring joy and happiness to all in my sphere of influence. In 2010 the very meaning of my name became a reality to my wife and me with the birth of our son Liam and again three years later as we welcomed our daughter Abigael. It was our son Liam however who has taken us on an exceptional journey.

I had early suspected the possibility of developmental issues. He did not hit his speech milestones. He was always happier with us, yet fearful of other adults. We probed his Pediatrician for answers, but our concerns were dismissed. We eventually sought a second opinion and following strings of assessments Liam received his Autism Spectrum Disorder diagnosis (ASD) at age 3.5. In Bulawayo, I had limited exposure to people with developmental disabilities; these conditions were mostly among the homeless, mingled with addictions and a variety of mental health conditions creating stigmas around mental health. Unfortunately, this thinking has prevailed in my culture. I was fortunate to have family supports who I continue to lean on that specialize in this field.

I always stive to use the experience that I have had to better the lives of others in similar situations. With a 15year career as a dental hygienist I am finalizing plans to accommodate ASD individuals needing routine dental care. The plan entails implementing a sensory friendly environment primarily for ASD individuals and those who struggle with dental treatments without general anesthesia. We will provide accessories such as noise cancelling headphones and weighted blankets to help our patients feel grounded. Recently our Liam had a routine hygiene and filings for the fist time without needing any sedation; a major milestone and my inspiration to help others.

As Liam’s dad I have learnt to be tenacious, to never give up, to keep trying even in the darkest of times because Liam never gives up. I have learnt to be adaptable, to modify things and situations but to never diminish them. I have become more self confident knowing that every decision we make will work for the best. Fathering Liam has most importantly taught me patience; some things simply happen in their own.

AS LIAM’S DAD I HAVE LEARNT TO BE TENACIOUS, TO NEVER GIVE UP, TO KEEP TRYING EVEN IN THE DARKEST OF TIMES BECAUSE LIAM NEVER GIVES UP.