Talking Like an Adult

“Mommy, can I has cheeseburger?” Mothers patiently correct, “May I have a cheeseburger” almost subconsciously before answering. Mom restated her son’s comment in adult words. That’s how children learn, by hearing a corrected mirroring of their statement.

We can often do the same when we hear insensitive stereotypes, subconscious assumptions, or even religious platitudes if we are not ourselves religious. We can mirror what they say, letting them know we understand their meaning, while taking the opportunity to mildly model how we prefer people in our adult world should talk. We can model how we might express ourselves in sincere yet accepting ways. Just a simple rewording or re-examination of what was said can sometimes be very effective, especially if said with a smile. Let’s look at some examples. (See what I did there? Modeling for you. YW.)

For “She shouldn’t have walked home alone”, we could respond, “I love that you are concerned for her. Maybe you could join that Angels group that walks with people after dark.” Start with a compliment about their concern.

For “It’s just locker room talk”, we could say, “You heard someone say this, really?

What did you say back?” It assumes they are too nice to talk that way.

For “I see he’s in a wheelchair. What type of shirt is he looking for?” You can respond, “I wonder, too. Let’s ask him.” (This really happened to me.)

For “I’m scared to say ‘he’ or ‘she’ now, since everyone gets so angry about it”, we could say, “You know, it sounds like you really care about not offending people. I like that about you.” Appreciation can model how a conversation could start on a better foot.

And, since I’m not religious I’ll add a few of those comments I hear a lot.

For “He’s in a better place now”, nonbelievers might respond, “Oh man, he sure had a great place right here with his family. He loved those kids.”

For “God bless you” after you sneeze, we could respond with a smile, “Oh, I’m not superstitious, but thanks. I’ll try not to give you my cold.”

For “I’ll pray for you”, you could respond, “I don’t think that does anything, but thanks for your kind thoughts. Maybe you could come stay with me after my chemo, pick up my prescription this afternoon, or watch Mattie while I’m at the doctor’s tomorrow.”

Try rewording comments using words and phrases from an adult perspective, with a smile of course, being appreciative of any honestly good intentions first. Matter-of-factly rephrasing assumptions and platitudes might not seem like much activism, but each little rephrasing adds one more piece to the puzzle. It helps, really.

Try it with whatever phrases you hear that you think could be adjusted to be more accepting or less edgy. See what it feels like to speak up, even just once. Thanks for considering it.

Little Activisms encourages readers to consider small changes we can make to help social causes, and to feel good about ourselves for taking small risks. Judy Saint is President of the Greater Sacramento Chapter of Freedom From Religion Foundation and author of The Pleasant Atheist Adult Coloring Book available on Amazon.