Your Elevator Talk

Standing in line with my wife to buy our 800 thread count Vera Wang white pillow cases at Kohl’s, the lady in front of us happened to turn and spot matching t-shirts that my wife and I were wearing. “Are you lesbians?” she asked with a curt smirk. “Yes, we’re married to each other,” I answered. No kidding, she placed her items on the nearest counter and immediately walked out of the store.

I only had that one sentence. How did I do? It’s like a game – how fast can you think on your feet when given an opportunity to represent the gay community?

Other questions we get are, “So, which one of you is the man?” Or sometimes a rude question about needing a male (oddly, usually the rude guy himself). Sometimes it’s a seemingly sincere question, like, “Aren’t you afraid of burning in hell?” It’s always a game to see who can hit the buzzer first: you being able to get out a meaningful sentence or them being able to escape. Ready go!

Your quick response is referred to as your ‘elevator talk’. If you only had one short trip with a person in an elevator, for example, or in passing at the beach, or meeting in the produce aisle, or unlocking their car next to you in a parking lot, how would you respond to someone asking you about being gay? Even if their comment is ill-intended you can accept it as an opportunity to educate someone. It could be an angry grandpa mad that his grandson is gay. It could be a confused bully afraid of his peers. Take a minute and imagine how you could present your LGBT+ community in a quick sentence, if the subject comes up in the right situation.

Would you just say, “Love is love” and leave it at that?

Would you challenge the speaker by asking how they know they are not gay? Would you pull out a photo of your same gender spouse? Everyone’s ability to respond is different, of course, and situational. (Having a comfortable comeback ready also might keep you from taking their comments personally.)

If you can, try to include something that matters to the listener. For example, instead of explaining your experience you could ask the speaker how they knew they were in love for the first time. If the listener hears something they can relate to, they might hang onto your words.

In fact, you might be a role model and not know it. More than a few times I have been asked about being lesbian only to learn years later that the same person came out as gay.

Get your sentence ready. Plan ahead. You never know when someone might give you that important 10 seconds to be an ambassador for our community before they turn their back and leave. It’s a small opportunity, but sometimes worth the risk, like all little activisms. Thanks for considering it.

Little Activisms encourages readers to consider small changes we can make to help social causes, and to feel good about ourselves for taking small risks. Judy Saint is President of the Greater Sacramento Chapter of Freedom From Religion Foundation and author of The Pleasant Atheist Adult Coloring Book available on Amazon.