Growing Together Written by Lorely Guzman Graphic by Zoë Collins
My dad was, at best, very uncomfortable with queerness before I came out to him. For him, this discomfort stemmed from two prominent aspects of Latino culture: Christianity and machismo. Today, 77% of Latinos in the United States identify as Christian, and traditionally, Christianity has rejected queer people (with some exceptions of more progressive Christian denominations; however, these branches are not predominant in Latino culture). “Machismo,” a term that refers to exaggerated masculine pride, adds to the existing stigma against queer people within our community because it emphasizes being masculine in the “right” way, and for machistas, the “right” way to be a man requires a person to be dominant, aggressive, and heterosexual. My dad held both of these values dearly. From a young age, I watched him be visibly disturbed when gay men were around him, flinch when one of my mom’s male Zumba instructors would reference
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his sexuality, and laugh at the homophobic jokes he’d hear from friends, from novelas, and from stand-up comedy specials. I understood that these beliefs and attitudes were all he had ever known. It didn’t make it hurt less. “Familismo” refers to another core value in Latino culture. You are obligated to support and dedicate yourself to your family, simply because they’re your blood. Turning your back on family is a sin, regardless of who they are and what they’ve done. It’s a value that I knew my dad held dear, and before I came out to him, I took comfort in knowing that at least this value would keep him from throwing me out onto the street. Still, I was afraid. What if he was disturbed by me, flinched away from me, or laughed at the jokes that I knew my extended family would make? I had never not been his precious youngest daughter, and now I had to fear that he would never hug me again. My mom can’t keep secrets. I think that was why I told her first, even though at the time I didn’t consciously know that was my reasoning. Maybe I thought that she could frame it
