Coming Back to Life by Pablo Fernandez

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

21ST CENTURY NETWORK ENTERPRISES INTERNATIONAL 3

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

DE REGRESO A LA VIDA (COMING BACK TO LIFE) AUTOBIOGRAFÍA DE PABLO FERNÁNDEZCOLÓN (AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF PABLO FERNÁNDEZCOLÓN) COPYRIGHT © JANUARY 27, 1993 Derechos reservados © 1994 Copyright 1994. All rights reserved DE REGRESO A LA VIDA COMING BACK TO

LIFE

Escrito por: Written by: PABLO FERNÁNDEZ COLÓN Primera Edición

Copyright © 21st Century Network Enterprises International EIN: 11-3197358 Todos los derechos reservados Prohibida la reproducción o transferencia por cualquier medio electrónico o impreso sin autorización escrita del autor. 4

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Impreso en Puerto Rico, USA, 2008, por Guayama Digital Press Una división de Guayama Digital Communications Network Inc EIN: 66-0575690 Escriba a: (Write to): 21st Century Network Enterprises International / Guayama Digital Communications Network Inc Urb. Blondet H-168, Guayama, PR 00784 e-mail: www.prof_pfenandez@yahoo.com www.profpfernandez@gmail.com

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

PREAMBLE I would like to write something that could change not only my life, but the lives of all others who may read it too. I'd like to transport myself on the wings of the written word, and commove, deeply touch and shake them. To have a marked influence not only in me but also in others, making out of both their lives and also mine a vivid manifestation of the power of the word; thus changing up the course of every human life that may read my words. I am fully convinced of the power of the written word that an artist of the pen has upon the lives of his/her readers. To write with only one purpose in mind: To change sad, desceptionated and hopeless lives into lives full of happiness, selfpride, security and humbleness - characteristics of whom has actually achieved success in life. To make happy whoever read my writings, in the same way I want to be happy while I give my own self to others by means of my words. If my words could have the power to transform lives, I would like to be the first one been changed by them, because in the measure my own words might change my own self, in that same measure they shall change the lives of others, too. As God may help me, I will make it be. 7

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

The reasons I have while writing my biography are neither to boast off my pride, not to exalt my ego; simply, to find my own self and to reach the peace of mind and spirit that I earnestly desire. I pretend not to offend anybody's religious or moral principales of who may read it, merely to share with them the bitter drinks I have had to drink as result of my journey through this present existence. Far beyond, I would not ever pretend to underestimate or misrespect the dignity of the people who have left their marks in my life, people whose impressions, both pleasant or unpleasant, are indeed part of my overall essence. Their names - as far as it would be possible - will be real, not ficticious. If there are any omissions or ficticiousness, it would be only and uniquely because of their integrity of character and protection. I undoubtfully want to leave my treads, so others can follow them without stumbling and falling wherever I stumbled and fell down. To you, Lilly Velez, I dedicate this preamble. January 8, 1991. 12:15 - 12:53 a.m. Pablo Fernandez - Colon August 9, 1993. 3:30 - 3:55 a.m.

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

DEDICATION

To dedicate a book is not only a literary formalism. It's the genuine and sincere desire that those whom the book is devoted, feel the same and deep satisfaction of that who has dedicated it to. I dedicate this book to the following individuals and organizations, through which I am alive today and who will be the rest of my days, I hope to be many, deeply grateful. (To:) First to God, who has allowed me to return to life. The surgeon, Dr. Joseph Lucas Pimentel Fernández, thanks to whom, after God, I'm alive today. The Ostomy Patient Support Group of the South of Puerto Rico, especially Mrs. Maria Vázquez, its president and Mr. Angel Torres, ostomy patients, who were my support when making the difficult decision but only one chance of life: be subjected to a colostomy. To Iris Rivera Soto, licensed pharmacist at Mir Mar Pharmacy in Guayama, Puerto Rico, and other staff who work there, especially in 9

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

the recipes and equipment area for ostomy patients. No one imagines how grateful I am to them all. What would the lives of ostomy patients be without such equipment and accessories? To my mother, retired teacher, Maria Luisa Colon Navarro, (RIP), who despite being in a wheelchair due to a heart attack first and then to a number of strokes, was my reason to live and keep fighting even after my prolonged hospitalization and then surgery. To my brothers, Jesus David, Ruth (RIP) and Carmen Leticia "Letty" (RIP), who were more than brothers and sisters in my most difficult times during and after my surgeries. To my Methodist Reverend pastors Bienvenido Güisao (RIP) and Pedro Valentine Peláez Sepúlveda, not only for their prayers, but for their spiritual support and solidarity in pain and crisis. To my brothers and friends of the First Centennial Methodist Church of Guayama: Charles W. Drees Memorial, especially María Eliza and her husband Jesús Rivera. To my brother, companion in education and 10

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

spiritual support in and from the Methodist Church of Guayama, now, Reverend Miguel Ramos Lozada. To Paulino Berríos, brother friend and accountant, who with his wise advice gave me peace in the midst of my economic crissis. To Juan Martínez and his wife Loyda Rodríguez, brothers in Christ and companions in the teaching ministry in the public schools of Puerto Rico. To my neighbors on Calle H of the Blondet Urbanization in Guayama, Puerto Rico: especially Gloria (the mayor of Calle H), Emanuel her son, Doña Ony, Goyita, María, sister Justa Rivera, her daughter Zoé, Héctor “Felo” Rodríguez and his wife Smyrna Berberena. To Albert, Don Santiago (R.I.P.), Toñito (R.I.P), William and everyone in the neighborhood. To my brother, fellow educator and friend: Aurelio Díaz, “Chiringo” and Catherine; I know that you mourned my death in life, but today you enjoy that I continue “alive and kicking”. In posthumous recognition, to Sister Lucía Ramos, (R.I.P.). 11

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

To my friends and brothers in Christ of the First Pentecostal Church of Jesus Christ Inc., in the Marín neighborhood of Guayama, Reverend Francisco Berberena (RIP), Rosa Rodríguez de Berberena, his family and the Pentecostal Church Council of Jesus Christ (IPJ) both in Puerto Rico as in the Dominican Republic and the continental United States. To the Rev. Dr. Quitin Silva and his wife Rosa Silva of the IPJ Council in Queens, New York. To my brothers and friends at the Jackson Heights Methodist Community Church in Queens, New York. To Reverend Carlos Rosa, former Bishop of Iglesia de Dios No-Sectaria, Inc., my former school principal at the Ramona Mendoza Santos School, (now Adela Brenes Texidor) from the Puente de Jobos community in Guayama and his wife Elizabeth Lynn. To the pastor and pastor of the Fuente de Agua Viva de Guayama Church, Rev. Ramón Marrero and his wife Lizette Marrero. To my brother and friend, Ángel David Díaz 12

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Gual "Pirata" (now "Paz") and his family. May you all be blessed. Brother Lorenzo Cruz (R.I.P.) and his wife Georgina Rodríguez; Thank you for “giving me pon” on Sundays when leaving your radio program on WXRF “Radio Guayama” (now Radio Voz), 1590 AM. To my ex-girlfriend “grillita”, Wanda Yadira Silva Sánchez, “Miss Aguada Televisión, 1993” and her mother, professor Virginia Sánchez; also (his son) Juan Kennedy Silva Sánchez, wife and children. To all my fellow teachers, non-teaching and administrative staff from Adela Brenes Texidor of the Puente de Jobos community in Guayama, to her ex-school principal and sister in Christ, Midiam Gómez Curet. Especially to all my alumni of that school, who helped me to ride in the wheelchair and took me around the school, thank you very much. To my fellow teachers, the administrative and non-teaching staff of the Community school, Dr. Rafaél López Landrón, “la High” of Guayama and their former school directors, Santa Velázquez and Evelyn Díaz Suárez, 13

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

with whom I share today educational work for the good of our youth in Guayaquil. To the doctor in ophthalmology, Mrs. María Flores Bones; You were the "privileged" (according to eye specialists and surgeons of the ophthalmology clinic at the University Hospital of the Medical Center in Río Piedras), being the first to find the first and only case of severe endolftalmitis, directly related to colitis ulcerative, at a probability of one in ten million, throughout Puerto Rico. Perhaps this "privilege" is not repeated, since I am the first case in Puerto Rico and who knows if the only one in the rest of our lives. To Dr. Gilberto Rodríguez, Octométra, who received the referral from Dr. María Flores Bones, to see me that morning on December 26,1998. To all the nurses, medical specialists in various branches of health, medical and support staff in general, who intervened with me during my extensive hospitalization at the Cristo Redentor Episcopal Hospital in Guayama, Puerto Rico. To the director of the Department of Physical Therapy, Mrs. Nilda Pomales and all her physical therapy team. To the physiatrist, Dr. Derick Colón. To the 14

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Social Worker, Mrs. Vicente, my former English student from the "Inter" in Guayama. To the Chaplain and Pastor of the Hospital Chapel, Rev. Wrainwright. To Dr. Heriberto Martínez, ophthalmologist and eye surgeon, who removed my right eye, as long as I was alive today. To the Administration, faculty and students of the Inter-American University of Puerto Rico, Guayama Campus. Especially to Professor Ramón Soltero, Director of the Humanities Department and to Sonia Rivera, our secretary in Humanities. Especially to Profa. Carmen Gladys Rivera and my groups of English students from the Avance Program, March 1999 school year, who showed me that I continue to be their example of improvement. I will never forget that first educational experience after leaving the hospital; without an eye, without a large intestine and without an appendix. Thanks to you who showed me that I am your "best teacher". To my “Inter” students who took the “On-line” English courses - by force - from August to December, 2001. To the lawyer in law, Juan Israel Arizmendi Rivera, for his continuous advice and legal 15

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

advice. To my collaborator in Human Resources at Guayama Digital Printing, Milagros Planadebal, Miss Patillas 1995, “La Barbie”. Lisandra Velázquez, GDP Secretary of Human Resources; Glenda Solís, secretary of Remembering Puerto Rico Inc. Especially Lisa Burgos Muñoz, administrative assistant in accounting for GDP and RPR. To the lawyer Ivan David Jiménez González-Rubio and his wife Frances Enriquez, my GDP and RPR accountants. To my counselor in the Vocational Rehabilitation Administration, Mr. Héctor Isona. Simply so many people, who anonymously visited me in the hospital, gave me emotional support and prayed for me. Thanks to all of you I am alive today. And last but not least, the Association of Ostomized Patients of Puerto Rico and the IBD Support Team, who like me, recognize that "colostomy is life" and day by day, they give the "fight for the lifetime". If I stopped mentioning someone, please write 16

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

their name here: To ______________________________ For ______________________________. Now I invite you to share with me the content of this autobiographical book, and I hope, especially those ostomized patients in Puerto Rico and in any part of the universe where this book can reach, that they can identify with me in their personal experiences and May my words be of encouragement, reasons for improvement and success in life.

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

DE REGRESO A LA VIDA (COMING BACK TO LIFE)

CONTENIDO

DEDICATION

*************

7-8

PREAMBLE *******************

9-17

CHAPTER ONE: MY CHILDHOOD **************

21-38

CHAPTER TWO: MY ADOLESCENCE

********

39-62

CHAPTER THREE: MY ENCOUNTER WITH CHRIST ***********

63-72

CHAPTER FOUR: MY NEW BIRTH ******************** CHAPTER FIVE: MY RETURN TO PUERTO RICO *********************

73-90

91-104

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

CHAPTER SIX: MY YEARS AS A COLLEGE STUDENT AND YOUTH LEADER ********** 105-150 CHAPTER SEVEN: MY LAST DAYS IN PENTECOSTAL CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST INC., IN GUAYAMA PR *************** 151- 217 CHAPTER EIGHT: TEN YEARS OF CURSE *********************** 218-310 CHAPTER NINE: 1992-1997: MY LAST MISFORTUNITY ************************ 311-336 CHAPTER TEN: 1998: THE YEAR OF THE GREAT CRISIS *********************** 337-380 CHAPTER ELEVEN: COMING BACK TO LIFE ************************ 381-398 CHAPTER TWELVE: FIFTEEN YEARS LATER *********************** 399-412 MEDICAL APPENDICES *********

413-424 19

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

DATOS DEL AUTOR/About the Author: 325-447

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

CHAPTER ONE:

MY CHILDHOOD

It was November 19, 1956, at one in the morning, the moment when the life of, who years later was known as Pablo "Pablito" Fernandez Colon, just began. The fourth and last son of Pablo Fernandez Burgos and Maria Luisa Colon Navarro. Perhaps, the most interesting fact about my new coming, according to what my mother told me years later, was the fact that as soon as I was placed next to her, without her or anybody else has had told me, I adressed myself in search of my first source of food, it is, my mother's lactancy. This detail pointed out in me the possibility of, as I did since my first day of life, to be able to find anything that could be lost in the future without the help of no one else. A second detail that also impacted my mother this day of november 19, 1956 were those big black and curious eyes that "Junior", as I was called by my relatives and closed friends, had.

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

This my first day of life should certainly had been a very special moment for Doña Luisa or "Mami" as she was called by everyone in home. This would be the last day of her motherhood, because she decided to have an operation to avoid been pregnant ever again. Of couse, with four kids already born was enough for her. This morning not only my newborn day was only celebrated, but also the day of the Discovery of my beautiful "Isla del Encanto", Puerto Rico. It also was the day of the coming of the fourth grandson of Doña Encarnación "Cachón" Navarro 22

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Ramos and Don Fortunato "Tato" Colón-Cordero. Unfortunately, my father's parents, Don Rafael Fernández-Díaz and Doña Vicenta Burgos-Ramos were not equally happy because of my coming; they were already dead since when my father was just a kid and, consequently, I never knew them.

Mom and her 4 children This first day of my newborn celebration passed, and with the pass of the years, a clear remembrance of 23

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

mine, when I was four years old, comes to my mind. I remember one of my first childish knaveries: I had strong attraction for playing with fire; so one day I decided to put under fire some of the banana plants that were grown on the farmyard of our house in the community of Guardarraya, Patillas. A few days later, it looks as if I have already forgotten this experience of mine, and, this time, I put under fire the curtains that devided the kitchen from the dinning room. But on this second ocassion my mother gave me such a clap that I got so scared and never ever played with fire anymore.

Another clear remembrance comes to my mind: This time I must had four years of age. My oldest brother - Jesus David - was used to awaken me when we were coming from Church at nightime, puting his thumb in my mouth and then letting me believe that it was the bid of milk. He always used to tell me: "Take it, baby; it is your bib". When I was five years old, my mother, who was a teacher, got the chance to place me in first grade even when I was under school age; so I was enrolled in first grade at the Elementary School Tomas VeraAyala, in the Community of Recio, in Guardarraya, Patillas, Puerto Rico. Three well-defined remembrances come to my mind as product of my first days of being a student: The first one took place 24

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

that first morning of my first school day - my mother took me to school and my first teacher - Ms. Montes received me in her classroom. As it was expected, my best wishes were to go back home; so, I started crying because I had to stay in school. The second recall of thoughts happened the day of vacunation: I still feel like seeing that huge and long line of kids of my same age, waiting for the inevitable experience of being "punched" by that scary long needle. The third remembrance happened on a morning of those first schooldays of mine: When I almost got near the school building, I played being sick and returned home, hiding myself behing the doors of my bedroom. Bot my father found me hidden there, and took me back to school. At the age of six, after having approved my first grade of elementary or primary school. I was promoted to the second grade. The school building in which my school was settled, was known as the house of the hanged man. I never had the courage of having lunch there, since, that was precisedly the place where the hanged man decided to commit suicide in the chimney of that old Spanish building; exactly where the lunchroom was located at this time. What I clearly remember of this particular year 1963 - was that dramatic afternoon when the President of United States of America, John F. Kennedy was murdered. I clearly recall the moment 25

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

when both the Puerto Rico and United States flags were placed at half-mast in recognition for his violent death. This same day - November 22, 1963, my cousin Juan Estevan Colon-Rios, "Lulito" was born. Other tiny remembrance I have of this year was an incident where both Pedro Rodriguez, my closest friend and I had. We had an argument with some other classmates and, when we were going home, we had a fight of stone-throwing. The reasons for such strife is not clear in my mind; just the remembrance if the incident itself. The next school year 1963-1964, in order to continue my third grade of elementary school, I was placed in the Second Unit, Manuel Mendia Moret School in the community of Guardarraya, Patillas, Puerto Rico. Interesting things also happened in there; things I would try to remember and share with all of you, my dear readers. In this year, 1964, I lightly remember that my mother was teaching third grade of elementary school also, but in the small school named "La Rambla", in the sector of Recio, Guardarraya. I used to visit this school just for seeing my mother and for reviewing my school tasks; since my mother was teaching the same school grade in wich I was in. "La Rambla" was a ballroom place that was converted into a small

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

elementary school; lately, this school building got closed. From this my third grade, I remember that, at first, I was placed in the 3-3 class group, but afterwards, I was relocated in the 3-2 class group. My brother and two sisters, Jesus David, Carmen Leticia "Letty" and Ruth were also studying in this same school; since this school covered the grades 1 to 9, lately, also Kindergarden. Clear remembrances now come to my mind: Ocassionally I was used to go to the Domestic Economy class, where my sister Letty was taking classes. With all my innocense and childness, I used to shout at the classroom door: "Domestic Economy - please, give me a glass of water." I called it out because I did not know the teacher's name. Another remembrance that also comes to my mnd was that of St. Valentine's Day. There was an special activity taking place in school because of the celebration of this day; the day of lovers or of friendship. I was dressed as Cupid, with my arrow and bow. Knowing me so well, my brother David, when he prepared for me Cupid's arrow and bow, he make sure the arrow was properly attached to its bow so I could not be able to throw it out to someone, specially to those beautiful school girls who were also participating in this extra-curricular activity show. What a great day was this!

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

I can not properly set up the specific date of this other remembrance, but certainly, it also took place in this same year, 1963. I can clearly remember there was another "party" taking place in school. My sister Ruth was dancing with one of her classmates. When I saw her dancing with him, I shouted at her: "Hmm, I'll tell Dad you were dancing in school". Her teacher came in her defense and told me: "Kid, you have a very dirty mind". At this moment I recalled I was painting in my house just the day before. I rubbed my forehead up, and replied to her: "Ms., I don't have a dirty mind; it's just paint". Other interesting moment took place when I was running so fast throughout the hallways of the school main building. When I tried to turn to the right corridor, just in front of the school Principal's office, accidentally I entered inside the classroom that was just before the right corridor; next to the Principal's office, right before the Domesic Economy classroom. When the teacher of this class saw me entering so abruptly to her classroom, interrupting her class, obviously, she stopped her class discussion and asked to the class: Does someone here know who this crazy guy is? In this matter, my sister Ruth answered: Who else could it be but my brother?

Other memories that spring up in my memory 28

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

were those beautiful days when we left school at 12:30 pm, as we had an alternate enrollment or interlocking class program. When we returned to the Recio sector of Guardaraya, we went along the shore of the beach, enjoying that beautiful arm of the Caribbean Sea that was more than four to five miles long. Those clear waters; transparent; always crystal clear. We did not walk in a hurry, since we enjoyed this beautiful landscape to the fullest. The game days or "field-days" were also something indelible. The first time I participated in the competitions was in the hundred-meter race without obstacles. Before the competition, while I was "warming up" I accidentally took the "sweet" wire cables that framed the competition area "tangled" so that no one entered without authorization. I still seem to see the wire marks on my chest, waist, and thighs. That day I was third. I also remember a day of the turkey race at Thanksgiving. The race was one mile, but for me it turned out to be very long. Mister Conde - the Physical Education teacher shouted at me: "Go on, David, you are short of it." Behind me only two or three runners came; then the ambulance. He yelled "David" at me since he knew that David was my brother and he was a very good long distance runner; but I was not David: Mine was speed in one hundred and two hundred meters. This day I did not earn even the tail of the turkey.

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

As I write, more beautiful memories come to my mind. I remember my first romances: My first "Girlfriend" that I had at the age of about eight or nine was called Maritza; Maritza de León, daughter of Don Yayo De León, neighbor of Recio. Our "courtship" only lasted ONE WEEK. I remember from this first love affair that I gave him a heart on Valentine's Day with the following words: "Maritza and Junior love each other". I remember when she received it, it was in the school library. He gave me a little kiss on the cheek and asked me to buy him a sandwich in Don Tommy's little shop. I, happy and excited, ran to Don Tommy's store and brought him his sandwich. My second girlfriend was Nydia Lebrón, daughter of the owner of the Texaco Gas Station of Guardaraya, Don Fernando. I remember the day she came out Queen of School in the Field-day parade. But Nydia never became "my girlfriend" since she became the girlfriend of a third grade classmate Ramón; I don't remember Ramón's last name, I only remember that he lived in a poor little house opposite the "El Cofresí" Restaurant.

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Ramón and his Swinn #20 bike in the field-day

Sandra de León, Maritza’ sister, Field-day Sport Queen 31

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Sandra de León, Maritza’ sister, Field-day Sport Queen In this same year - 1964 - a new fellow student arrived from the State of California: Roberto Rivera Padilla. He had something very peculiar in one of his hands - it seems to me that it was the right one - he only had four fingers, since the middle finger separated and was part of the index and the penultimate finger. I mention Roberto since we later formed a great friendship, even though I didn't know how to speak English and hardly, he spoke Spanish. Roberto also liked Nydia. Over time, I think that when we were already in sixth grade, I met the girl I liked the most 32

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

in all my life: LAURA ISSETTE COLLAZO PADILLA, known in her neighborhood by the nickname of Laura "Tirita". Laura Issette Collazo Padilla, alias "Tirita", was Roberto's cousin. I will never forget her because she was the girl I liked the most in all my life. She was "plump", but with very nice shapes; her legs were the most beautiful legs of all at school. Her eyes, black, big and beautiful. Her most beautiful face. Her hair was dark brown. His gaze captivated me. She will certainly take first place in my memories. In those days the song by Raphael from Spain - Raphael Martos - was frequently heard, which was called "LAURA". Those unforgettable stanzas that said:

I have never found her since that day. I don't know what his life will be, from that day on. It is possible that today I have another love; a new illusion. Oh maybe, she will cry; oh maybe she will cry. Oh maybe she'll cry, from that day on. CHORUS I am nothing, without Laura, without Laura, without Laura, Without Laura, without Laura… without her love. RAPHAEL When I was in seventh grade, I remember one 33

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

experience in particular: In front of the school, the retreat building for the Methodist Ladies of the United Methodist Church was being built. One day, at break time, I was playing "fuck" with some of my fellow students. From the staircase on the second floor, when I saw that the boy who had to catch us was approaching, before he arrived, I climbed onto the railings of the second floor of the stairs and, when I had already thrown myself on my feet, Héctor Gómez Fuster, who had been "caught" at the same moment, went to "catch" me, grabbing my leg. I was already in the air, when I turned around and fell head first down. As a consequence, I fractured my left arm, so I was plastered for a month.

That day I fractured my arm, they took me first to the family health unit that was on school grounds. From 34

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

there, accompanied by my sister Ruth, they took me to Maunabo, to the Municipal Hospital. I remember that they took me precisely in the Chevrolet Impala car, convertible, red, model 1962; car in which one of my friends - Carmen Noelia - Ramón's first sister, had gone out in the parade on Field-day that year: 1969-70. The day my cast was removed, I accidentally got a shallow cut from the hard cast. In a photo that I was taken that day, in the afternoon, on the dock of the Rosa Spa in Recio, I still appear with the bandage. After this school year, 1969-70, I moved on to eighth grade. This year was somewhat peculiar. This year, my interests in school were no longer the same. Now I happened to two other friends: Pifito and El Indio. I don't remember their real names; just their nicknames. Pifito was the stepson of Don Sifre, the driver of public cars, and “Indio” was a distant cousin of mine, son of Don Laureano Díaz.

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

With “Indio”, I used to make "carts" of bolin wheels (boxes of balls of car differentials) and with them we would go downhill on the barely paved roads of the Barriada Recio. I never had an accident with them, but other boys in Recio did not find it the same, since there were even some accidents with some cars at the intersections of steep streets. The problems and incidents I had with Pifito and Indio were of two other kinds. We got involved in minor theft practices and sexual experiences as a result of the biological changes in our bodies. Pifito already had previous sexual experiences; because he had impregnated a girl from one of the Arroyo public housing projects, and for that reason, he had been sent with his mother and step-father to live in Guardaraya. The other experience was related to the practice of stealing other people's property. It all started as summer games. La ganguita: Indio, Pifito and I, we decided one afternoon to go to the school, which was closed, since it was a Sunday afternoon. We entered by hiding in the schoolyard through the area behind the school buildings. We already had practice opening doors without forcing them, so we entered some rooms: art and science. We take colored chalk, plasticine, large crayons, and some jars from the science room; test tubes and cups. Just for fun. 36

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Then the fun moved to the area near where we lived, since the issue of theft at school was under investigation; but it was never known that it had been us. We started by entering one of the boats that were anchored in the dock of the Rosa Spa. The boat was from a doctor. Then that same night, as we found nothing of value in the boat, we decided to enter the Doctor's residence. From there we took a box of 22 caliber bullets, a phone, and some other nonsense that we found on the way. One day, we decided to do something more interesting. It occurred to Pifito that, with his help, he would steal from his stepfather some money that he hid in his house so that he could go to Yabucoa and buy us a bicycle for each one. So it happened. That day we got up early and went by bus (public vehicle) to the town of Yabucoa and bought the bicycles. On our way back from Yabucoa, we made a stop in the town of Maunabo and decided to dismantle the bicycles a bit so that they did not look new; if someone asked us about them, we would say that they were borrowed. Effectively; when we got to Guardaraya, someone thought to ask us about the bikes. In this way, when we realized the problems that these would bring us if we reached our houses in them, we proceeded to hide them in a pasture near a mangrove on the beach. But a boy who was fishing with his father saw us hiding them. It was not three hours before the police went to find me and Indio and 37

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

took us to Pifito's house, where the police investigation was being conducted. In the investigation, so as not to harm Pifito, both "Indio" and I said that both Indio's and my bicycles had been purchased with money that we had saved as a result of our cleaning work in some patios in the San Pedro de Maunabo, which could be corroborated by my grandparents and uncles of Indio. The case was closed. But the three friends were separated under the most direct supervision of our parents. Because my parents had divorced since I was seven years old, and I practically lived with my other three brothers (David, Letty and Ruth) in our house in Recio, they sent me to live with my grandparents in Maunabo. Pifito was returned to his grandmother in Arroyo. Only Indio remained in Recio, under the supervision of his parents. We did not meet again until many years later, when we were adults and each was a productive and responsible citizen; but we never get to meet all three together, nor can we do it; since Pifito died of cancer in the year of 1991. Only Indio and I were alive, to this day: September 10, 1993. I know they want to know what happened to our lives from then on and how each one met the other separately. But I will let you know when I tell you about my experiences as a professional and adult man. Now, we continue with my teenage years.

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

CHAPTER TWO:

MY ADOLESCENCE By the beginning of the 1970-71 school year, I was already living in the town of Maunabo, Puerto Rico. I remember living first in the Barrio Calzada, Batey Columbia sector; old sugar mill of the Maunabeño people. I lived in the house of my mother and her husband; next to my friend Gregorio "Goyito" Casanova and Monserrate "Monsita" Rivera. Of the interesting things that come to my memory was that: First I came to live there before the end of eighth grade (1970), since I remember that in the summer I was taking a school camp at S.U. Manuel Mendía Moret de Guardaraya, and one day there was a tour, I arrived very late to Maunabo, and the school bus almost didn't take me to Maunabo, since the school belonged to the municipality of Patillas, and I lived in an area outside of Patillas ; but I got well. The tour covered the town of Utuado as we visited the "Caguana" Indigenous Ceremonial Park. The time I lived at Batey Columbia was very short; maybe about two months only. I remember the moments that he enjoyed in the time of sugarcane 39

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

cultivation or "harvest" as we call him in Puerto Rico. Sometimes he took "pon" or free transportation with Goyito, Nelson - the latter a mechanic right there from Batey or some other trucker from there. When the boys saw me arriving in the cane trucks they were surprised; since they also wanted to be able to live that risky and wonderful adventure.

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

I say risky, because sometimes the trucks or "pieces" would break down or veer on the journey from Maunabo to Central Laffayette in Arroyo or Aguirre in Salinas. The worst was when the truck "turned" or overturned many times. I was never on a trip where the truck overturned but my brother David did happen to him.

Central Aguirre 41

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Central Laffayette in Arroyo

Overturned truck If I remember correctly one of Pedro Torres' trucks (from the Palo Seco neighborhood of Maunabo) that he was driving turned over. What happened to me one day was when we got to Central Laffayette: one of the grinders had jammed with the chains of one of the trucks as it was unloading onto the sloping 42

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

unloading platform.

Reed unloading platform This same day that the Arroyo Power Plant broke down, my brother David was also there at the time. That day he was driving the "Torzon" truck of Anibal Sánchez from the Palma de Arroyo neighborhood. On the way back, because the plant was still broken, I arrived at our house in Recio around nine o'clock at night. Tremendous scolding that mom gave me that night. Another day the Central broke down again. This time I returned with David in Anibal's "Torzon" (torzon is a cargo truck with a total of ten tires instead of six). As you can see, I continuously spent a short time living in different places.

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Samples of a “Torzon” truck

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Another day I was running the ten-speed "Swinn 26" bicycle of one of my friends from Guardaraya. I got to the Texaco in Guardaraya, when I noticed that one of the trucks loaded with cane was coming; I turned as fast as possible and went to stop at one of the "muritos" or go for protection on a dry ravine near "La Rambla".

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

When I was almost stopped to wait for the truck and pedal behind it, when I went to put my left foot on the concrete wall; Releasing the parking brake on the bicycle, the bicycle kept moving, and I went with everything and bicycle in the middle of two of the concrete walls and fell with the bicycle on top of me in the dry ravine. When the truck passed I was in the ground after falling from a height of about five to six feet in height. Nothing happened to me; neither to the bicycle. Just the substitute for believing I was going to "break" a bone again. Returning again to Maunabo, to Central Batey Columbia; I remember that sometimes I used to sweep Goyito's school buses. Sometimes I was lucky enough to find the odd coin when sweeping. It was there in the Batey that I learned for the first time to drive trucks and buses (school buses).

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

The only exciting thing about Central Batey Columbia was the harvest period. The rest of the time there was practically nothing interesting happening there. What was very common there was to find the odd girl with an illegitimate child of one of the neighborhood mechanics. Well, in addition to the harvest, the other interesting thing that could happen there was the moments when the engine of a car under repair was mounted; I remember when I went out with Nelson, Anibal (another of the mechanics) 47

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

or Goyito to test the newly installed engine in the repaired cars.

The harvest or harvest of sugar cane The exciting thing about the speed on the straight from the Central to Palo Seco and the continuous and frequent occasions that we stayed "on foot" due to mechanical imbalances as a result of the initial tests on the newly repaired engines. A final attraction at La Central was the times when we eloped to the Maunabo River and bathed in the clothes of Adam and Eve (that is, naked). I didn't like bathing in the river so much; first because of the dirty and cold water, and second, because of the muddy ground of the river. Mine was the sea, not the river. 48

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

When I went to live in the San Pedro de Maunabo Urbanization, in house C-21, where my grandparents had bought a house and had recently moved; even most of the houses were unfinished or uninhabited. So I also became one of the first residents of San Pedro. I remember some experiences lived there. I remember that one of the first neighbors was Héctor Gómez Fuster, a former fellow student in Guardaraya, who had also moved to Maunabo with his parents and sisters. Our amusements in the newly built Urbanization were: running a bicycle, getting on the balconies and roofs of the uninhabited houses and turning them into our "Friends Club". In those days we were Héctor, my cousin Perrie Artie Ortiz-Colón and another great friend, with the last name Goderich, who at this moment do not remember his name, sorry, I remember him now: his name is Iván, Jose Iván "Guivin" Rivera Goderich, a buy a bicycle frame "20" that I had seen days before in Pedro's "El Sapo" "store" in the Tumbao neighborhood of Maunabo. Then we enabled the frame and that was my first bike - really mine; not like the ones from the last adventure in Recio. We really enjoyed running bikes all day; everyday. Once I was going to change the color of the bike, Iván and I went from Maunabo to Guayama by bike. It took us over four hours one way. On the way back, we stopped at Recio's house, Guardaraya to leave my bike there; the one that we would paint in later days. 49

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

If my memory serves me right, I think we both returned together on Ivan's "Swinn 26" bike; since mine stayed in Guardaraya's house. Yes, it was! That happened on a Saturday; the Sunday after I returned to Guardaraya in a public car to work on my bike. On the way back, if I remember correctly, I had to go on foot to Maunabo. It seems that someone from Central, I think it was Nelson, gave me pon. When I had already ridden my bicycle, I returned with it to Maunabo. I look like new! Then I remember that a few months later, my cousin Pierre Artie gave me a Sears # 20 bicycle frame, since in those days he had received a new bicycle as a gift from his parents. I decided to keep the painting that I bought from Pedro "El Sapo", and I rode the bicycle in the Sears # 20 painting. I had put a # 26 fork with stars # 52 and # 14. It was very light and fast. A boy from the Emajaguas neighborhood of Maunabo, who now can't remember his name, was fascinated by my bike and asked me to change it for his Swinn 26 semi-fine-frame bike. It was a bit heavy, but since the semi-fine frame was not very easy to get, I proceeded to exchange. The new bike # 52-14 size # 26 was my reason for my almost daily class cuts to the ninth grade Spanish class. It was my last class in the afternoon and I "got lost" at the time of the class to run a bicycle. I loved pedaling behind the fast, new ten-speed twin-shank 50

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

"trailers"; those who carried cane from the Yabucoa and Humacao plants to the Aguirre plant in Salinas. They rode more than fifty miles an hour loaded. So the thrill of pedaling behind them was really fantastic. The challenge was to pedal so fast so that the truck would not leave me behind "votao". Even the athletic bike riders # 52-14, # 52-16, # 24 and # 26, pedaled after them to practice and improve their endurance and speed.

Trailers loading ten-speed rod Since I mentioned the frequent Spanish class cuts at two past ten in the afternoon, I must point out that I passed my eighth grade at S.U. Manuel Mendía Moret de Guardaraya, and was now in the ninth grade at the new Rafael Casta Martínez de Maunabo 51

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

middle-high school.

If I'm not mistaken, this was the largest school building they had built in all of Puerto Rico: It was three stories or floors, with two wings of classrooms, forming an "N". But the curious thing about this school was that, when it was the largest and newest in all of Puerto Rico for the new school year 1970-71, it was closed the entire previous year for lack of teachers. Honestly, I didn't like the School anymore, even when it was so pretty. Already my interest, as I had previously said, were other things. This year, the most that fascinated me was running bikes. Hence, as expected, I lowered the notes. For the first time in my 52

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

student life, I earned a "D" in the ninth grade math algebra course. He was a student at a new school, and he had practically no friends. So it was quite difficult for me to adapt to the new school. But, nevertheless, I remember some moments that were very interesting; especially when it comes to "girls": I remember two of them in the English class, since they always felt bad and I spent "linking" them all the time, because in truth, they were both "very good". Delia was plump, very pretty, and Socorro was very cute but very slim. I remember that after I left English class I was desperate for the boys' bathroom to masturbate because I was super excited after having linked these two beautiful girls; almost every day.

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

The only class that really caught my attention was the technical drawing class. The action that interested me the most happened outside of school. At lunchtime I always went to my grandmother's house in the San Pedro Urbanization, since the school was just minutes away from the Urbanization. I think it was more what I masturbated than what fed me. I had some pornographic magazines, and sometimes I invited my cousin Lulito to come into my fourth bedroom with me to see the magazines and masturbate as well. Other times, we would hide in front of our Aunt Hilda's car, and there we would play our sex games. In the first days of the 1970-71 school year, a man named Mr. González came to our house in the San Pedro Urbanization. This man came from the town of Yabucoa, and they had referred him to our house to stay there. He had been assigned as principal in one of the schools in the town of Maunabo. I suppose he was recommended to live with us since I think he had worked with Mommy when she was a teacher and worked in Yabucoa, or maybe he was referred by a relative of ours who knew him in the town of Rio Piedras, while he was studying at the University of Puerto Rico. I do not know exactly how it came, what I can say without a doubt is that he stayed with us all that year 1970-71.

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

This Mr. González seems to have been a bit "homosexual", even though he was a married man with children. I say this because when he found out about the sexual adventures and excessive sexual activity in which I was frequently involved, it seems that at the request of my grandparents and aunts, they asked him to advise me regarding sexuality and how to channel my sexual impulses. Some of the things that he said to me was that: sexuality was something nice and normal; that during the first years of my pubertar it was to expect those violent impulses to masturbate and to try to be involved in sexual activities quite frequently. So far everything seemed logical and acceptable to me. But what was not acceptable to me was that one day he asked me to run his hands over his ..., after having dropped his pants. That was when I noticed that this man showed tendencies a little deviated from what I understood a complete man should be. I remember that from a very young age, maybe three or four years old, I had a clear understanding of my masculinity, and I was always very clear that I was attracted to girls or girls. That if I involved three or four to five-year-old children in my experiences and sexual and innocent adventures, it was because my games were for boys; play with "carts, trucks, spinning tops, marbles or corotes, fly kites or kites, fish, etc."; but never play "the little girl". As I recall, I never dressed as a woman or played with her 55

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

feminine garments. So much so, that now I remember an incident when I was perhaps three or four years old: One day, Olga Rodríguez-Rivera, who is now my sister-in-law, and wife of my brother David, by mistake went to scold me and he said "NENA"; To which I, furiously and energetically, replied: "I am not a girl." It was bad for me to call me "baby girl", and much more when she told me in front of Damaris, her sister, who I liked very much; although she was a little older than me. Returning to the story of Mr. González. As I had previously mentioned, it was strange and in bad taste for his insinuations to run his hands over his bare buttocks, and worse still, that he admitted that he continued to define himself as a complete man even after allowing me to "rub him - his buttocks”. So, I decided not to be with him much anymore, since I doubted his masculinity. It seems that his sexual offers arose as a result of the complaints that not only my aunts or grandparents would have given him, but also, my neighbor, in the C-20 house; since perhaps his son, named Ramoncito, used to spend a lot of time with me, and sometimes I went with him to the recently cut pieces of cane that were found on the land next to the San Pedro Urbanization. I suppose that because of this incident, Mister González offered himself as a victim 56

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

so that I could "channel" my sexual impulses, and not disturb other children. As far as girls are concerned, I never had any sexual experience with any. I remember that when I was little, maybe four years old, I played alone with my cousin Vangie, but we did nothing wrong; only that we orbit together hidden behind the shop of Monse, Monsita's father. That was it. Another isolated incident was when I was going to my uncle Lulo's house. Lulo and his brother-in-law Pedro Juan, both electricians, were always talking about women and they were annoying with sexual content words to the domestic workers who worked in their house, since Kitty, his wife was attending the clothes store that they had in front of his house, on the corner of Muñoz-Rivera and in front of the old Don Gume Gallardo Pharmacy, behind the Maunabo Catholic Church. One day, while I was there, I asked Lulito to play boyfriend with his sisters Linda and Cucusa. But this was it, there was never a sexual attack on any of them from me or Lulito. Only what I have just quoted; little games of children. Going back to 1970, and around the Christmas period, when the Ford Motors Company, manufacturer of the Mustang sports car, announced through televised commercials, its new model MUSTANG GRANDÉ, model 1971.

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

It is still difficult for me because, every time I saw this commercial TV, I had a strange feeling that the year 1971, which was barely approaching, would be my last year of life. He had this strange feeling. In those days, my mother was residing in the city of Hoboken, New Jersey, United States of America. She had divorced her second husband and had moved to the state of New Jersey. In one of his letters that he wrote to his children and relatives in Maunabo, he let us know that he had met my father, Pablo Fernández Burgos, and my sister Letty, who at this time resided in Manhattan, New York with my father . He also let us know that he was returning with my father and that they had decided to unite their lives again and marry a second time. In another of his letters, he let us know that for the next summer, 1971, he would 58

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

send us the tickets so that both Ruth, my sister, and I could go and spend our summer vacations with them, who by then lived in 10-38 Freeman Street in the Bronx, New York. I don't understand yet, but a change began to emerge in my life: I was afraid. It was Christmas, but in me there was no happiness. The songs of Bobby Cruz and Richie Rey and Willie Colón were heard on the radio; in particular that song with a combined rhythm of Salsa and some Jazz that said: If you want to dance, this African rhythm I will teach you how to dance it

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

The new salsa and boogaloo rhythms of the 70's.

I think it was Willie Colón's song with Héctor Lavoe, “Che che colé”. The memories of that farewell night in 1970 come to my memory: I had gone to the Plaza de Maunabo. While celebrating the New Year Mass, I remember, among other things, two incidents that occurred that night exactly in front of the main door of the Catholic Church. The first thing that happened there was a fight between a boy, apparently a little drunk and one of the boys from Central Columbia; 60

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

apparently this man a little drunk, made an offensive comment to the boyfriend of the Central boy, being next to her. Immediately they clenched their fists and I clearly remember that Eduardo, (now I remember his name), got rid of his wristwatch and fell to the ground during the fight. After it, someone handed it to him. I think some people came out of mass to see the fight. The second incident was produced by myself. I had a firecracker or explosive, and I lit it.

After lighting it, I proceeded to throw it exactly in front of the door of the Church while the mass was celebrated. Fortunately, one of my friends noticed and stepped on it before it exploded. I think the friend was Guivin. He said to me, "You are crazy." Before the church bells rang indicating that the year was over, I remember that I decided to go to the house of my Uncle Tatín, who lived on the same MuñozRivera street, practically opposite the public square; just about ten feet away from Lulo's house. At Tatín's house, I had a beer or "cold" guilladito, since I was only 14 years old when I was barely past 19 November of that outgoing year 1970. From my uncle Tatín's house, I returned to my grandparents' house in San Pedro. I do not remember well if I happened to enter Lulo's house. I think so; I only went in for a couple of minutes. Then I went to San Pedro, spending the year goodbye already lying down at home. I just wanted to get up to go cycling with 61

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

my friends. This would certainly be the last Christmas I would spend on my Isla del Encanto until two years later, when I would return to Puerto Rico.

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

CHAPTER THREE:

MY ENCOUNTER WITH CHRIST

After that night of saying goodbye to the old year 1970 and welcoming the New Year 1971, my life began to show certain notable and perhaps somewhat inexplicable changes. Everything seemed to indicate that I was preparing for a big change in my life. In these first days of the New Year my brother David had decided to join the armed forces (ARMY) and after Christmas he reported to his assigned military base in the state of North Carolina. As I mentioned in the previous chapter, my sister Letty lived with my father and mother in New York. My sister Ruth lived with my Aunt Toña in the latter's house in the center of town; quite close to Tatín and Lulo's house. The first five months passed quickly and the school year 1970-71 came to an end. In this year, 1971, I was graduating from ninth grade; but I didn't even show up for the graduation ceremonies, much less the prom. My fun was to ride my bike all the time.

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

The month of June arrived and I was preparing to go on vacation to New York. Evangeline, Vangie, my cousin would also go with Ruth and me to spend her vacation in New York. So many things were changing in me. I decided to give Piere Artie, my cousin and some friends, the pornographic magazines I had. I took my bicycle "Swinn 26", with a semifine frame, to our house in Guardarraya. Everything certainly indicated that I was preparing for a big change in my life. I felt like I was going to die that same year. The day finally arrived when we left for New York. I never wore a tie, so I didn't even know how to make them. I remember Vangie was the one who made the tie for me. It seems that it was a Saturday, June 12, 1971, that we left for New York. In those days I 64

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

liked Vangie very much. She was beautiful; with her long hair, perfect shapes and very pretty face. It seems that I was in love with her. My friends, when they knew I was leaving, went to say goodbye to me. I remember that one of them told me: "Take advantage that she is also going with you to New York and... there". Many times I masturbated thinking about her.

We arrived at Isla Verde International Airport 65

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

in San Juan, Puerto Rico. Since Ruth was the oldest of the three, she was the one in charge of Vangie and me. Vangie was well active. She didn't stand still anywhere, and already Ruth was desperate with her. She was scolding her all the time. The trip was very good, and we arrived at John F. Kennedy Airport in New York. Daddy, Mommy and Letty were waiting for us at JFK. It was the first time I had ever been outside of Puerto Rico. Well, not exactly the first; it was the second, because when I was just a month old, in 1956, my parents had taken me to New York. But I don't remember that, so for me, this was my first time traveling by plane. This day was a beautiful day. We arrived in New York at about 5:00 in the afternoon. I was amazed to see the tall buildings, the Triboro Bridge, the big science fair exhibit that had been held in New York. To see that great globe of the world that is preserved as a permanent memory of that great fair. When we left the Sheridan Expressway and turned at the corner of the Sheridan Parkway 66

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

and Freeman Street, when we arrived in front of the 10-38 building, what most caught my attention was to see that group of children playing at the emergency water intake (pomp) throwing that big jet of water at full pressure, which reached the third floor of the 10-38 Freeman Street building; place where I would go to reside for two years; in apartment 2B. It seemed as if that day would never end, as it was almost nine o'clock at night and it was not yet dark. I wasn't used to seeing days as long as they are in New York during the summer. So we had a lot of fun watching the guys play in the fire hydrant; throwing jets of water under pressure, using a pot without lids on both ends; thus wetting every car that passed by. It was a nice day. The next day was Sunday; so we prepared to attend Sunday Bible School at the Pentecostal Church Assembly of Jesus Christ Inc. church which my parents and my sister Letty attended. This church was located on Westfarm Road, quite close to where we 67

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

lived. I felt quite strange to enter a church; it had been quite some time since I had attended one. I do not remember attending any church except the Pentecostal Church of Jesus Christ Inc. which was located in the Malapascua sector of the Guardarraya neighborhood in the town of Patillas, Puerto Rico. But that had been many years ago, when I was just a child of about five or six; before my parents had been divorced, more than seven years ago. So, after more than seven years, I was going back to a church again. I was not used to that environment.

Photo taken on the roof or "rufo" of the building: Mommy, Daddy, Ruth, Vangie and me. 68

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

The Bible class was quite interesting; I think it was about David and Goliath, or something like that. I remember that the youth class met in the front of the temple; between the main entrance of the church and the two secondary doors. I also remember that the teacher of the young people was "Brother Carlos Morales"; a dynamic young man, brother-in-law of my sister's boyfriend, Papo, that is; Hector Luis Marrero. Carlos was the boyfriend of Papo's niece, Nydia "Nicky" Marrero. Well, he wasn't exactly Papo's brother-in-law; he was Papo's brother's son-inlaw; Miguel, Nicky's father. This first Sunday, June 13, 1971, after leaving Sunday Bible class, we returned home. I remember that in front of our building there was a Hispanic club. These days you could hear Jose Feliciano's songs a lot, especially the one about a girl from my town and a guitar. It sounds like he was saying something like that: "Que sera, que sera, que sera; What will become of my life without your love. At night my guitar, sadly, will sound, And a girl from my village, will cry."

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

At the top of our apartment, on the third floor, lived a very pretty little girl, she was Puerto Rican, from the town of Santurce, Puerto Rico. At this moment I cannot remember her name; I only remember that she had a physical handicap: she was "lame". She had a dislocated hip and walked crookedly on one side. I mention her, since she came to be a very special little friend of mine; I would say practically a girlfriend. She had two little brothers, who were my friends, as well as neighbors. This girl was constantly undergoing surgery, quite frequently. Her memory will remain in my mind forever; that is so, because a 70

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

year after I returned to Puerto Rico again, that is, 1974, my sister Letty wrote to us letting us know that she had died. In her memory I keep an eternal minute of silence and respect. And in her memory, every time I listen to the song of José Feliciano, the blind man, I think I see her; leaning out of her apartment window or sitting on it; facing the fire escape. As soon as I remember her name, I will let you know; dear readers. That summer of 1971 passed quickly. I remember we visited the Bronx Zoo a few times. The most fascinating thing about it was the penguin showcases; they were dressed so elegantly in their long hats or "smoky". I also enjoyed walking down Sheridan Avenue from our house to the zoo or to visit Papo's family on 180th Street. I seem to remember clearly the artificial waterfall of the Bronx River, or Bronx River, at the zoo, at the end that looked out onto 180th. The thing that I liked best when I walked along Sheridan Avenue was that impressive wall of stones covered with metallic particles that shone in the sun's rays like gold stones. Every time I passed by there, I always stopped to pick up a few metallic stones with alloys that seemed to be inlaid with gold and silver. Obviously, they were not gold stones; otherwise they would not be there within reach of all passers-by.

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Photos in the Bronx, summer 1971, near our building

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Other times we would go on a trip to Manhattan, or visit our uncles Andres and Cruz Fernandez in Brooklyn. Other times we would go to Macy's store or the Empire State Building; building, which by this year 1971, was the tallest building or skyscraper in the whole world. The Twin Towers of what was to become the World Trade Center were hardly ever built at that time. So the Empire State Building reigned supreme over all of Manhattan.

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

We also used to walk down Broadway to Times Square from time to time. I loved eating pizzas; so from time to time we would go into an Italian pizzeria and eat those big, hot, tasty pizzas. As the time approached when both Ruth and Vangie would return to Puerto Rico, I remember that morning of July 11, 1971. I did not attend church Bible school that morning. I was not in good health; so I stayed home listening to some Christian music records: Pacheco, Carmen Sanabria and Daniel Antonetti, among other sacred music singers. But I remember one recording in particular: It was the Prophetic Message of Evangelist Yiye Avila EARTHQUAKE.

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

I remember his words clearly, when he quoted "Will you allow your life to crumble like a hut, and the wrath of God to fall on you like a strong wind or earthquake?" - He quoted: "For the earth will tremble like a drunkard, and be moved like a hut. Because his sin weighs on his shoulders." That Sunday morning, July 11, 1971, for the first time in my life I understood that GOD was speaking directly to me and would not allow me to follow the life I was leading of continually rejecting Him as I had done so many times before. Many times, while I was studying at the Rafael Casta Martinez High School in Maunabo, Puerto Rico, the boys from the Defenders of the Christian Faith Church in the Calzada neighborhood of Maunabo, continually invited me to their church and religious meetings; to which I never paid attention and followed my life completely away from GOD. In previous years, I remember that my friend Jorge Luis Berrios from the Guardarraya neighborhood in Patillas, Puerto Rico, also invited me to attend his meetings of Catholic Charismatic "cursillistas", which in those years began on the island of Puerto Rico. He understood that I should seek GOD since I was getting into trouble as a result of my friendship with Indio and Pifito. Also Pepo de Jesus, the son of Mrs. Delia Colon, Don Pepito's wife, owners of the JOAN ONELIA restaurant in Recio, Guardarraya wanted me to 75

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

improve my lifestyle and above all, my vocabulary; which was quite obscene in those days when I lived in our house in Recio, Guardarraya. As I had previously mentioned, I felt that 1971 would be my last year of life. So that morning of July 11, I decided for the first time in my life, to let GOD come into my life. At that moment I began to cry, because for the first time I was experiencing what repentance is that leads to salvation. I called my father and asked him to pray for me, as I wanted to accept CHRIST as my personal savior that very morning. My father prayed for me at that very moment. That night in church I do not remember the message that the Reverend Antonio "Tony" Acosta, pastor of the church, preached. I only remember that I was crying on my knees during the whole service; at the end of the message, my father took me to the altar for Bro. THIS NIGHT I WAS CONVERTED TO THE LORD JESUS CHRIST; I accepted the new life He was offering me. I was born again Hallelujah!

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

CHAPTER FOUR: MY NEW BIRTH

At the age of fourteen, that beautiful and unforgettable morning of Sunday, July 11, 1971, I had the grace of being called by GOD to live a new life - I was born again; but not from my mother's womb again, but from WATER and the SPIRIT. As I had predicted at the end of the previous year, for the Christmas period of 1970, while watching the Ford Motors Company commercials on TV, introducing the new 1971 Mustang Grandé model; I felt for those days that I would certainly die for the coming year - 1971 - and I was not wrong. I died to my old way of life. My old man - the old carnal and worldly man, had died this morning of July 11th. Certainly an extraordinary change would occur in me from this spiritual experience. From this day on, I experienced joy in my life; I felt that there was happiness in my soul and spirit. For the first time I wanted to dedicate my life to GOD. It had not been simply an act of an emotional nature; it was something real. It was a rare but pleasant experience. I knew I was a new person. Now I understood why before I left Puerto Rico I had made the decision to give away all the pornographic 77

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

magazines I owned. My new magazine, from this moment on, would be LA BIBLIA - the WORD OF GOD! But something happened in the first days of next week: In the first week of my conversion I had my first test. As I mentioned earlier, I was feeling a little sick that morning on July 11. The following week, July 12-18, I got an infection in my mouth. My whole mouth was full of mucus that prevented me from swallowing food, including liquids. My throat was burning and I could hardly open my mouth. Also in my genitals was the presence of that badlooking yellowish mucus with an unpleasant smell. I could hardly urinate. So, my parents, concerned, took me to Lincoln Hospital. They prescribed boric water washings or rinses, but this made me worse off than I was. The infection had increased. When my parents saw that the infection was not stopping, they took me back to the hospital. But if I remember correctly, this time they didn't go to Lincoln Hospital, but to San Juan Medical Center at the corner of Westchester Avenue and Southern Boulevard. The doctors there saw me and this time they prescribed Chloraseptic. After several gargle sessions with the Chloraseptic I got better quickly within the next two to three days, after more than a week of getting that terrible infection. If I remember correctly, I was prescribed a cream for my genitals 78

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

and regular washing with lukewarm water. The crisis was over. My sister Ruth and my cousin Vangie were returning to Puerto Rico in those same days; so I could not accompany them to the airport to say goodbye to them, as I had not yet fully recovered. I only remember one day, I think it was the day before they returned to "the Island". As I lay down with my head on Vangie's skirt, she ran her hands over my forehead and said those words of the writer William Shakespeare: "To be or not to be." Then she added: Now or never! I never knew what she really meant by those words. Whether he was making a loving proposal for me to take that very day, or whether they were just empty words. To this day, I still don't know the symbolic content of themselves, if there was any personal message involved in them. I don't know if she had fallen in love with me as much as I had fallen in love with her. All I can say is that she was very tender and loving to me as I lay on her lap. Anyway, if her intention was for us to love each other that night, that never happened.

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

The following weeks passed normally. I was preparing for my baptism in the waters, in testimony of my faith in CHRIST. I was also preparing to be admitted to school. From the front window of our apartment, there was a clear view of two school buildings in the distance; looking out over Pelham Bay. One was CIS 77, and the other building was James Monroe High School. I didn't know where I 80

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

would study yet, but I was very struck by the building that could be clearly seen from our apartment. A few days later, the registration notice arrived. The notice indicated that my living area was served by James Monroe High School. That night we asked Nicky Marrero, Carlos Morales' girlfriend and niece of Hector Luis Marrero, my brother-in-law: Nicky, where is James Monroe High School? To which she responded: you see those two schools that can be seen from here? The one on the right is Monroe. I'll study there too. In the church there was also another girl who was a great friend of Nicky's, the girlfriend of one of the young men of the church, named Juan. Her name was Wilda. She would study in Monroe too. So I already had at least two acquaintances who would study with me. The first day I went to school with my parents to enroll, I was impressed by that big building five stories high: Inside, at the entrance, the first thing we found was that huge theater or auditorium, as it was called. Next to the central building, on your right, were the gymnasiums I, II and III. The swimming pool in the first of them, and then in the other two, the "Gym" for the boys in the second and the "Gym" for the girls in the third. At the back of the central building, there was the track and to its right the 81

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

football park. When we were leaving the building, I remember the words engraved on the top of the main entrance of the School: They said:

"WHERE LAW ENDS, TYRANNY BEGINS" by William Pitt Translated into Spanish: "DONDE LA LEY TERMINA, COMIENZA LA TIRANIA" 82

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

My first impression of the school was wonderful. I liked the idea of knowing that this would be my high school; a place where I would learn to speak English, and at the same time, prepare myself to be an architect, a civil architect, which is what I was interested in being in the future; since I loved technical drawing and preparing plans or "sketches" of buildings. Two levels of my new life were developing simultaneously: My new life as a high school student in New York, and my new life as a believer in JESUS CHRIST. Both expressions of my existence were developing harmoniously. The continuous masturbation to which I was accustomed was no longer so frequent. Although, from time to time, I masturbated. No way; especially when I thought about Nicky and especially Wilda. They were both beautiful. Nicky was light brown, white hair and about five feet, seven inches tall. He had brown eyes and a very delicate face. Wilda, on the other hand, was about the same height as Nicky. With long, limp hair, like Nicky's, but black. Her eyes were big and beautiful; light brown or "Hazel". She had a beautiful figure and a beautiful smile. Both were two monuments of women. Even though they were not eighteen years old, they looked like they were twenty-five or twenty-three each. In the church there was a sister of the pope, named 83

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Constance. Constance, as she was called, came to be my bride. She was about twelve or maybe thirteen years old. She had long, straight, black hair. Her face was very beautiful; white with black eyes. She was very beautiful. A Taino. She was about four feet, ten inches tall.

I was fourteen years old by then. I was skinny, I would have weighed a hundred pounds at most. He had black hair, quite a lot of it. I combed my hair to the right side most of the time, but sometimes I combed it to the left side to get rid of the waves in my hair, which, although it was lazy, was a little wavy. In those days I was beginning to develop. I was already starting to grow! The winter weather was coming. The night of my baptism was also approaching. The baptism would 84

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

take place in the temple of the Pentecostal Church Assembly of Jesus Christ, Inc. on 118th Street, or "El Barrio" in Manhattan. That temple was an old Jewish synagogue. On the altar was the bathystery. Tonight was something extraordinary. As we waited to be baptized, we lined up with new believers, all dressed in white, a symbol of holiness. We sang the hymn: "Come to the Waters". The week before, in a prayer campaign in our church, I had received the first blessings of the Spirit. That night, I was also baptized with the Promise of the Holy Spirit. On my way back, I was speaking in other tongues: angelic tongues. I cannot pinpoint the exact date of my baptism; I can only point out that it was for Christmas 1971, three to five months after I accepted Christ. At that time, Constance was still my fiancée. I remember that during these winter days there was no heating in our building. We heated ourselves with a small electric heater that we put in the middle of the room; between the doors that led to the kitchen, the bathroom and Mommy and Daddy's bedroom, and the wall that separated Letty's room from the living room. I slept on the sofa bed in the living room. Now I remember clearly what happened at the farewell party in 1971. We went to church. There was a Christmas drama going on. I remember Mommy reciting a poem related to Christmas. "A 85

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Girl's Christmas" I think was the title of it.

After the farewell of the year, which we celebrated in the church, we returned to our apartment. It was the first Christmas I had celebrated in church in many years. To be more precise: After more than seven years. By then I had turned fifteen. On January 1, 1972, I also remember it clearly: On this day we had a nice Christmas present: For the first and only time, there was heating in our building: 1038 Freeman Street. 86

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Another memory that comes to mind is the days leading up to the arrival of the New Year 1972: In this month of January, Consty and I left each other. She had fallen in love with a classmate at her school. She was still at Junior High, or middle school. That day was a Sunday. I returned to my apartment after finishing Bible school. As I left the church I remember that she and I talked; we were leaving each other at that time. I remember giving her back a ring that I had from her, and if I remember correctly, she also gave me back a ring that she was wearing from me. It was a green stone ring that I had bought a few years ago in the town of Guayama, Puerto Rico. When I arrived at the apartment, I was very sad. Michael, the son of Brother Jose A. Lopez, co-pastor of the church, tried to comfort me and told me to eat food, since he knew I was fasting and I had told him that I would keep fasting until Consty returned to me. It was very common for me to fast every Sunday. My life became a continual desire to live to please God. My first days as a convert, from my baptism onwards, when I returned from school, I would go to the temple to sweep and map it. Many times, when the first brethren came to worship, I was still there doing cleanup. From there, I would quickly return to my house to wash, eat, and return to worship at the temple. I was very impressed by the music. I enjoyed listening to Brother Tony Acosta's children, and 87

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Brother Jose A's children. Lopez playing instruments in the church. David Acosta, Brother Tony's oldest son, played first guitar. His brother Danny, played the trumpet. His sister Ruthy, sang. Lopez's children: Junior, the oldest, played second guitar. His brother Miguel or Micky, played the drums. His little sister Norma, also sang, as did his father: Brother López. Days later, Ruthy's boyfriend joined the group and played bass. They sounded great! I became interested in music. So one day I went with my parents to Canal St. in Manhattan, and we bought a Spanish style guitar, but cheaper. I think it cost about $27. With this humble guitar I started to practice my first tones. The Lord Jesus Christ helped me a lot and in a short time I knew a lot. In the church there was an electric guitar that Junior Lopez played before he bought his new "Gibson" electric guitar. So I decided to fix that abandoned guitar, and I started playing with it in the Church. These days the JAZZ was in fashion, especially with the great musician Carlos Santanna. That's how I became a guitarist, with special interest in JAZZ music. My brother-in-law Hector Luis "Papo" Marrero had a niece, Consty's cousin who lived in Bridgeport, Connectticut. Especially in the summer, she would stay at Papo's parents’ house on 180th. But Michael Lopez, he was her boyfriend. So I just enjoyed seeing her. 88

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

One night a group of young people from Connectticut State visited us at our church. Tonight they were singing and ministering during the special parts of the service. I remember that Papo's niece also sang with them. I remember that as she sang, her eyes seemed to show flames of fire. As I looked into her eyes intently, I felt God's presence in my life in a very special way, as if I saw the same eyes of JESUS CHRIST as John saw them in Revelation. Days after this mystical experience, I wrote my brother David a letter in which I informed him of the blessings received on that particular night. I also informed him of my wish that when he left the army "ARMY", he would accompany me on a shopping trip, to get a good electric guitar for me. At this time he was at Fort Keelen, Texas. He was about to complete his three-year volunteer obligation with the United States Army. I remember that when he finished his three years with ARMY, he returned to New York and was with us a few days before he returned to Puerto Rico. We took advantage and went to a musical instrument store on Southern Boulevard in the Bronx, quite close to home. We bought the guitar; it cost us about one hundred and eleven dollars. Since it was for playing 89

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

in the church, they gave us a good price We took advantage of this and bought a sound effect pedal: A "GUA-GUA". The only thing we didn't buy was the guitar case. It was a red metallic electric guitar, with shapes similar to Junior Lopez's "Gibson". Days before David returned to Puerto Rico, I took it to church and played with it. I remember Micky Lopez was jealous of it. He felt jealous because he had seen the beautiful way in which GOD was blessing me. Days before, one night I had had a bad time with Lopez's children; well, after they saw that I had repaired the old guitar, one night they took an electric line that I had bought for that guitar, and then they said that that line was a new one that they had bought, lying to me. But GOD blessed me in spite of their envy. As for my student life, I had made great progress in my studies. In my evaluations of my first school semester, I had scored only 46% and a few 55%. By my third school semester, 1972-1973, my average was 80% to 84%. I was sent a certificate of achievement with a blue stamp. By the fourth semester of 1973, my average was +90%. This time I received a certificate with a gold stamp. I was only one term away from graduating in January 1974. But it could not be, since I returned to Puerto Rico in the summer of 1973, exactly on the last day of school.

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

CHAPTER FIVE:

MY RETURN TO PUERTO RICO

On the last day of school at James Monroe High School, June 28, 1973, as soon as I had finished my last pieces of schoolwork, I quickly returned home: apartment 2B at 10-38 Freeman Street. Daddy was already waiting for me, since that very night we would leave for Puerto Rico. I clearly remember the clothes I was wearing that night: I was wearing a pair of black polyester pants, well fitted. My shirt was light pink, also made of polyester with a very long lapel collar and a pair of very high heels of $30.00: about four inches; I think they called those shoes or sneakers "salceros". Wao! He was "regal." I feel like I'm looking in a mirror dressed up so nicely. I impressed everyone in the church that night. I mean in church, since from there we would be taken to JFK by Brother Lopez. We arrived at JFK without any problems and on time. Tonight was a rainy night, to the point that we had to wait in the PAN AM plane from 11:00 p.m. until almost 1:00 a.m. because it was not allowed to take off due to the heavy rains that were falling. We were 91

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

"taxiing" on the JFK runway until finally, they gave you permission to enter the runway. Once in the air, the flight wasn't so bad. We arrived at Isla Verde International Airport at dawn, practically. I remember when we passed through the exit door of the plane, then through the labeled areas that would lead us to the baggage claim and exit of the airport. As soon as we took to the streets, the summer heat of Puerto Rico gave us its warm welcome to the Island of Enchantment, after two years of absence from my longed-for homeland: PUERTO RICO. At the precise moment that we were driving to take a public car to Maunabo, they were launching the balloon of the meteorological business from the observation tower and flight control of the airport. Even the air we were breathing was different for me. I was breathing again the tropical air of my Caribbean island, a temperature of almost ninety degrees Fahrenheight, very common in the Caribbean. This was on that beautiful, warm morning of June 29, 1973. The route we took that morning also comes clearly to mind. From the airport in Carolina, we took José De Diego Avenue towards Campo Rico Avenue and from there to PR No. 3: 65th Infantry Avenue until the intersection of PR 185 towards the town of Juncos, passing by the (new) Comandante Racetrack in Canóvanas. While we continued the march to my 92

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

grandparents' house in Maunabo, I do not forget the beauty of those Flamboyanes who covered like a natural tunnel the route from Canóvanas to Juncos. We stopped briefly at a typical food store on that route. Now I can't remember the name of it, but I do remember that I ordered a Coca Cola with something else to eat; now, I can't specify what exactly. Once in Juncos, we take PR No. 30 towards Humacao. From there we continue on PR N° 3 to Yabucoa, and then to Maunabo, through "La Pica" (the same PR N° 3). Finally we arrived to Maunabo to my grandmother's house in Urb San Pedro C-20 where David and mommy were already, who had arrived days before us. We arrived in Maunabo around eleven o'clock in the morning. There my grandparents, Tato and Cachón, Mami, and also David were waiting for us. Ruth was studying at the Turabo School in Caguas and was not yet in Maunabo. Back in Puerto Rico again, the question I asked myself was: Will my friends still be here? And, who were my real friends now? This apparently silly question was very important and relevant to me since I was no longer the same "Junior or Pablito" who had left Maunabo for the Bronx two years ago. Now, I 93

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

knew Christ, my best and personal friend. I had another mind: the mind of Christ. It was no longer interesting to be riding a bike with Ivan "Guivin" and Perry, Hector Gomez and the other boys from "la ganguita" in San Pedro. It wasn't hard to find new friends. One of the summer nights in 1973, I remember visiting the Defenders of the Faith Church in Maunabo. There I had some friends from Barrio Calzada who had studied with me in ninth grade in Maunabo. They were those old friends, who invited me to go to their "religious services" at the school, which I never went to and never did. I remember some of their names or nicknames: Justo Lebrón, Eliseo "Coco liso" and there was another one that I don't remember his name. I think it was Berti. But now I could understand his "message". We had a great time there that night. I remember that we were given a part in the cult. That night I was playing the guitar with the "wow wow" sound pedal that David had bought me there on Southern Boulevard in the Bronx, before I came to "the island". If I remember correctly, I think Ruth and Mommy were singing, and David was giving some words of testimony. That night I was dressed all in white and had a little short skirt with a round skirt on the front.

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

By this time, I was interested in being in the health professions (I hadn't decided yet what I would study once I finished my fourth year next year), so I assume that the way I dressed, in white, and how good it felt to be dressed, was what inspired me to the world of medicine. If I remember correctly, I think we immediately left the service and went to take daddy to Guayama, since he had gotten a job as a janitor at Univis Optical in that town, and he was starting the eleven o'clock shift at night. Another church we visited in those days was Reverend Carlos Lebron's Pentecostal Church of Jesus Christ in Maunabo. We also came to visit the Church of God Pentecostal M.I. of the Emajaguas Neighborhood of Maunabo and, of course, the Pentecostal Church of Jesus Christ of the Guardarraya Neighborhood, Recio sector (our neighborhood), pastored by Brother Manuel Sostre. By this time the church was no longer in Malapascua, next to the sea; they had built a new church in the area that used to be a lagoon next to the house of Geogie Berríos Collazo, my old friend from Recio, who advised me to get closer to God, when I was "at the end of my rope" after my parents' divorce. In those days I stayed at the house of Toña, my aunt in the village (Maunabo). After making arrangements, I managed to enroll in the High School 95

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

of Patillas (Cecilio Lebrón Ramos) where Arcenio "Artie" Ortíz, husband of Lula my aunt, was the school principal there. That summer I was in the Summer Employment Program of the Municipality of Maunabo (ADT) where I managed to earn some money. My first opportunity for work experience; in maintenance at Caserío Martorel in Maunabo. At the beginning of the 1973-74 school semester I traveled from Maunabo to Patillas, sometimes taking "pon" with Artie on the way back. I remember that there I participated in the "Confra" with Brother Modesto Santiago and Vilma Cintrón was the president of the "Comfra" of the High. By October 1973 we moved to Guayama since Daddy got a job at Univis Optical. We bought a house at 168, Calle H, Bda. Blondet in Guayama.

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

The small house was made of cement (blocks) and a zinc roof. It had a preceptor - a small wood window in the upper central part (on the roof), it had only two rooms, without a canopy, and it had been built without columns in the corners, besides not being centralized with the "points" of the land; it was more attached to one side of the land in the front left than the rest. The kitchen was made of wood and zinc in the back; it had no bathrooms, only a "latrine". The fence was made of thin wire used to make cages and fishing pots, then David and Daddy built a better one. For David to park his car he had to make a "temporary" gate and place his 1972 Datsun in front of the balcony and first room. But the house was ours and we went to live there. I remember that the first day I went there after school I got lost and couldn't find the house. But I got there. I think it was Friday this day. Yes, the last Friday of the end of the first school semester 1973-74. In the beginning we didn't belong to any church in Guayama. We started by visiting the MI Pentecostal Church of God on Ave. Los Veteranos leaving for Arroyo. We also went to the church of Bo. Olimpo Iglesia Cristiana Rehobot, the Church of God Mission Board in Bda. Marin and also to the Pentecostal Church of Jesus Christ pastored by the Rev. Francisco 97

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Berberena Sanchez, also in the Barriada Marin of Guayama. After about a month between David and me, we decided to stay in the Church of the Berberena Brothers. Among other reasons to take Daddy to work quickly; since it was the closest to his work and home.

By this time (Nov. 1973) this temple was finishing its construction on the upper floor; they were meeting on the ground floor. There I began to play the guitar with Bro. Santos Torres, who had a style quite similar to mine but with less "Jazz". There was also his Bro. Angel "Guiso" Malavé (Bro. on Santos' mother's side). The drums were played by Neftalí Berberena and Aurelio Díaz. We were well accepted in the 98

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

church and since we were already coming from the Pentecostal Church of Jesus Christ in Guardarraya, it was easier for us to join the local Youth Society. Christmas 1973 arrived and we were leaving the church in the morning with the brothers and sisters of the church. I remember one night when we went to give a morning meeting to Sr. Lucía Ramos on the Loma del Viento; David's car hardly made it up the hill and then when we went out to start it up, the bolanta hit it and made noise. But we had a great time. The New Year arrived in 1974, and I believe that on January 2 the Annual Conference of the Council began with the inauguration of the upper floor of the temple. The Pentecostal Church of God provided us with its dining room and there we went to receive our food. The "Nave" of the temple was used as a men's dormitory. There I also helped in the kitchen bringing the necessary things for the meals. There was also a little sister there who was the daughter of the main cook who I liked but I do not remember her name now, I only remember that she was a pretty little brunette. Yes, now I remember. It was Myriam, daughter of Sister Sixta (thanks to Elizabeth Lynn who reminded me of the name).

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

After the conference, the night came to reorganize the Guayama Youth Society. I left as president, Elisamuel Espada as secretary and David Fernandez, my brother, as treasurer. We implemented some ideas, like a special fee system to give the uniforms to the young people who did not have them and could not buy them. Among them I remember Eduardo Pillot, Virrella and Elizabeth "Tata" Garcet. It was a success. By this time the Youth Society had about 30 young people. We did personal work and organized a friendship day party (Feb. 14) at home. We had a few run-ins with Berberena, but she agreed in the end. We finished that term successfully (6 months) although I almost resigned last week due to a problem with Neftalí Berberena, for creating an evangelism group with some young people without my authorization as president. But David told me to leave the matter to the new president that we were already finishing that Friday, and so it was. We ended up in success.

100

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

David married Olga Rodríguez Rivera (Daughter of Brother Pablo Rodríguez, co-pastor of Guardarraya this summer) on June 13, 1974. I went to the convention in Mayagüez one night, I don't remember very well I think. When I returned from the convention they had me as a candidate for the Youth Vice-president of the Eastern Section. I was elected along with Elí Ortíz, Treasurer, and his sister Luz Delia, "Dalín" or "Lalín" as secretary. The month of May 1974 arrived and the day of graduation arrived. She had already asked for the 4th year ring and it had arrived; but with a mistake: She 101

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

had asked for it in Topaz stone, yellow 10K gold with the flag of Puerto Rico inside the stone (on top side), but they put the flag on one side of the ring. But anyway OK; there it was with her at the graduation. That day (the exact date I don't remember, maybe May 25 or 26, 1974) there was a parade from the plaza leaving the mass that had been offered to the graduates. The first in line was "Cuco", the son of Mrs. Colón and Roguins, from Roguin's Place in Guardarraya. He was accompanied by two girls and was followed by me, the second, who was also accompanied. One of my companions was Luz Jasmín Alamo (Cuqui), Daddy's niece. It was a wonderful day. Later Georgie Ortíz Resto, photographer of David and Olga's wedding, took a picture of us at home (not necessarily on the same day). After the summer of 1974, I began the process of applying to four universities to which I had applied. I wanted to study at UPR's Cayey College, but they didn't answer. The Catholic University of Guayama was the first to answer me; I only had to pay the admission fee. Even though I had applied to the World University of San Juan, I was not interested in being admitted there because its global philosophy and consideration of a world government approach scared me a lot because I 102

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

associated it with the world government of the Antichrist. Later, I was accepted by the University College of Humacao (CUH) of the UPR, where I decided to go to study since Cayey did not accept me yet. When Cayey answered I was already pre-registered at Humacao where I studied for six years from 1974 to 1980.

103

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

104

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

CHAPTER SIX: MY YEARS AS A COLLEGE STUDENT AND YOUTH LEADER

HUC AND THE CONFRATERNITY / El C.U.H. y la Confra

At Humacao I was accepted into the Pre-Med program, Department of Natural Sciences. There was a group of young Christians who were presided over that year by Vilma Cintron, a graduate and former president of the "Confra" of the High School of Patillas, so I already knew her. I could hardly attend the confra because the day and time they met (K-J 11:30-1:00); I had classes. But I attended the prayer services at the Humacao Pentecostal Church of God, where they gathered to pray; I think it was the young people in the evening. There I met Javier, one of the confraternities who was from the church. At the end of the semester Mom bought me Javier's grape-colored 1966 Ford Falcon for $600.00. This was my first car. .

105

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

The first trip we made on the Falcon was a visit to the young people’s society of Bo. Sumido de Cayey, whose pastor was Brother Pedro Flores (not the composer-musician). It was a beautiful experience. After the service, we went to the morning service there with the brothers. Due to the height of the place on the Central Mountain Range of Puerto Rico, with the fog, the houses of the brothers visited could not be seen. Then to return to Guayama the Panoramic Route was not even seen (PR 7715, connecting with PR-15). When my colleagues from the Section arrived, Elí Ortíz and his sister had their car at home. This Christmas was extraordinary. I had my own car, and I could go to morning classes with the brothers 106

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

from the church in Guayama. In addition to the mornings we gave in Sumido de Cayey, which were the first we went in the 1966 Ford Falcon, I remember that we also gave to many brothers and friends. Just like the Westfarm Road church in the Bronx, New York, in Guayama we also said goodbye to the year 1974 in the church. If I remember correctly, Mommy also recited her favorite Christmas poem, "An Orphaned Girl's Christmas. If it was not the night of the year's farewell, it was surely the night of December 24, Christmas Eve. This was precisely the date of the birthday of Jesus David Fernandez, my older brother. For the 1975 Annual Conference I was sent as "Delegate" from the church in Guayama to the Annual Conference in Yauco, Puerto Rico. On this occasion, I clearly remember that along with Aurelio Diaz and the "Boys" of the Eastern Section Board we went to Yauco. I went in the Falcon. This incident that occurred precisely when we arrived at the temple of Yauco was very curious; I hope you enjoy it. It was January 2, 1975, around three or four in the afternoon. On this day the temple of Yauco was inaugurated, whose pastor was the President of the 107

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Council of the Pentecostal Church of Jesus Christ Inc. the Reverend Rafaél Torres Rivera. As I entered the temple from the side that led to the dining room, on the ground floor, I was "enraptured" looking to the left side, where there was a group of young people from the Church of Las Palmas de Arroyo, where my fellow sectional directors were from. When I looked at a "mommy" who was from my church in Guayama - Santa Espada Velázquez daughter of the co-pastor of my church - Brother Alejo Espada, I did not notice that the car was still moving, and as I pulled away from the side where the young people of Arroyo and Guayama were, I hit one of the frames of one of the entrance doors to the basement or ground floor of the church. What an opening. The temple had just been painted, with its new frames and doors, and there I came to give it "the baptism" of inauguration.

108

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

I remember the first thing I said to Santa was that "because of her" - because I got so enraptured looking at her - I didn't notice and I "crashed" the car. Rafael Torres Rivera, Br. Rafa, as he was commonly called, and tremendously "surprised" the delegate from the church in Guayama and the Vice President of Youth in the Eastern Section. But the knock on the edge of the temple door was no big deal, just a little piece of cement that "splitted off" into the temple, right next to the door frame. Now, when I looked at the right hand guard of the car that was a terrible mess. It had definitely been hit. 109

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

The piece of "bondo" that fell off was bigger than the piece of cement that fell off the temple. That's right, thanks to this "crash" I also "knocked down" Santa Espada. She was my girlfriend after this event. Perhaps between February and March, I am not sure of the exact month, but we were engaged for about eight months, until October 1975, a few months after I was elected Island President of the IPJ Council's Youth men and Ladies "Ambassadors of Christ the King" Department.

The 1974 Christmas holidays ended and 1975 began. By this time, a brother friend, Jose Luis Delgado Robles de Luquillo, who was studying Physical Therapy, recommended that I change from Pre-Med to Therapy since I had gotten an "F" in Pre-Algebra class (001) and Chemistry was very strong and I spent approximately two years (1975-77) in Physical Therapy but when the time came to request a transfer to Medical Science for the last two years of High School I was not admitted. I was on the waiting list because I did not have a very high average and because there was no "space". They only accepted 35 Physical and Occupational Therapy students at a time. I could not finish Physical Therapy. By this time I didn't have a scholarship, so I had to study and work in the Communications Department. So I started taking electives, in the English 110

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Department, in Art, Painting, Tennis and Music. After the first 5 and a half years, I re-classified in Elementary English, since the only thing I was missing was the seminar and practice. I got a "C" in practice mostly for two reasons. I was not in good health, and I was presiding over Confra since the one who had been elected president did not return that semester (because he got married) and so I went from being the Vice President of Confra to President. But because I also had a car for this time, a Duster (Plymouth) 1973 had broken down. I had the teaching practice and had to take a "guagua" (public bus) to get to the elementary school in Humacao's Tejas neighborhood.

(Plymouth Duster 73’, Green, 318c.i. My 2nd car) So I prepared the future leaders of the Confra who served in the College. It was interesting because nobody ever knew who was leading the group, since I could only stay a few minutes and then I had to go to 111

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

practice. But the prayer service and the constant guidance were not lacking. There was also a big problem: Most of the Confra board members did not meet the basic requirements of number of credits and average. So registering for Confra and applying for a worship hall was an uphill battle. Thanks to the group's counselor Aleida Cruz, we were able to get a room that had not yet been registered with Confra because of the above. This semester the atmosphere was also one of a strike in the school and they wanted to remove the Director (Dean). I was one of those in favor of her dismissal. On the day of the Assembly, some of the fellow members also spoke out against it because of the problems we had in getting the hall and holding activities. But another part of the group along with the counselor understood that the dean was not responsible for what was happening, but her subordinates who created an atmosphere of antagonism against her and made things not happen with Confra and the counselor, since I was also influenced to go against the dean. But one thing I remember well, that when the Confra New Board was selected for the next academic year, they all met the requirements so that what had happened would not be repeated. This was the case, and those I had prepared and those I "commissioned" for the leading of the Confra were elected. As for my studies, I finished my Bachelor of Arts in Elementary English with a Minor in Secondary 112

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

English and Elementary Education. I graduated "Cum Laude" with honors. In September 1980 I started working as a Secondary English teacher at S.U. Luciano Rios School, near Palmas del Mar Resort in Humacao. In this year, 1980, in August I began my theological and ministerial preparation studies at the Peña de Horeb Bible Institute in the Church of Guayama. Since I lived in Maunabo, I traveled with the brothers from Maunabo and Yabucoa to the institute, since it was the closest theological center by then. I would be studying the Word of God for a period of four years. Leadership in the IPJ Council's Christ the King Youth Ambassadors Department Simultaneously with my university continued to be active in the Island Youth the Pentecostal Church of Jesus Christ, leadership developed successfully for 6 follows:

studies I Board of Inc. My years as

Island President August 1975-July 1977 Vice-President August 1977-July 1979 Island Treasurer August 1979-July 1980 Island President August 1980-July 1981 (2nd time)

113

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Among my most significant experiences I remember the following: At the January 1976 conference in Bayamon we impacted the Sector where the temple of the Disciples of Christ Church (and its academy) was located by invading young couples from all over the Island in groups of two. This greatly impressed the council and the Arocho Brothers, pastors who sponsored the 1975 conference in Bayamón. The experience and organization we brought back from my year as Vice-President of the Eastern Section in 1974-75 and the local presidency in the Guayama society (January-July 1974). After my presidency, the president was David Cruz, who was a member of the IPJ in Guayanilla. His girlfriend was from Pentecostal Church of God, IM (Iglesia de Dios Pentecostal, M I - IDDMI). Another great success was the creation of the Insular student, uniform and distinctive Insular (in black and burnt yellow or mustard). We encouraged the creation of local standards and uniforms in each local society. I visited all the youth societies a lot, emphasizing the Northwest Section (Aguadilla) and the North (Vega Alta-Bayamón-Carolina-Ceiba), since these were the most abandoned as well as the most distant churches. The board meetings were strengthened and we sought maximum participation from the Sectional Leaders, 114

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

since the meetings were no longer only in the Southern District (Yauco) but were rotated among all the sections to facilitate their participation. My great walking companion was José Luis Colón Sáez who always accompanied me on all those trips to all parts and corners of the Island of Enchantment, Puerto Rico. As I mentioned before, in the year 1980 in the month of July, after having graduated I became again the Insular President of Youth. My experience was already extensive and I decided to give a big "spin" to the Youth Department. I knew that the IPJ Council years ago had a newspaper (mimeograph type) called the "Sun of Justice". So we decided to "resurrect" it but this time, as an official organ of the Youth Ambassadors of Christ the King Department. The creation of the newspaper made everything organized and planned 3 months in advance, with the approval of the Priests and Council Leaders, organization and execution. At the beginning it was only written in double-spaced typewriter and reproduced in mimeograph, with a maximum print run of 300 copies. The mimeograph belonged to and was in the office of the Eastern Section, located in a room in the home of Rev. Encarnación Moret, pastor of the Church in Arroyo Pueblo. He advised and supported me all the time. The impact on the young people was extraordinary and very dynamic. 115

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

It reached such a point that at the end of this year of my return to the Island's presidency, at the next youth convention in the church of Brother Ramón Alicéa in the Pitahaya district of Arroyo (new in the council) I gave up the election to the presidency, declining not because I was getting married (as was the "tradition") but because I wanted to develop the newspaper into a new Tabloid format, 2 to 3 colors, 8 pages (2x4). Gilberto Ramos Granell was my successor in the island presidency (July 1981). In this youth convention in Arroyo there was also evangelism in the area near the convention site (Bo. Pitahaya, Bda. Marín Arroyo) and this was an "official" practice of the youth. Gilberto Ramos Granell, Vice-President (outgoing) of the Western Section, when he arrived at the site something similar happened to what happened to me with the Inauguration of the Yauco temple in the 1975 conference, when I impacted one of the frames of one of the doors of the lower floor of the temple. Then I told Santa Espada, a young woman from my church, that it was because I was looking at her. She was my girlfriend from July 1975 to March 1976. What happened to Gilberto was that he "knocked down" the canvas (plastic) curtain that covered the dining area next to the temple in Pitahaya. The Youth Convention took place and went according to schedule. After the devotional we 116

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

followed the development of the agenda. It was time for my farewell and outgoing presidential message: Young man I say to you, stand up! ('Talita Cumi'). I was aware that God would indeed raise up many young people there, and so it happened. Their testimonies were later evaluated by José Luis Colón Sáez and me, since it mattered a lot to me that the message I preached really reached the hearts of the young people. Later, after the Puerto Rico Youth Convention in the summer of 1981, along with IPJ Council officials from both PR and USA and D.R., a group of young leaders from Puerto Rico, we went to the annual convention in Santo Domingo. These three were Gilberto Ramos Granell, now President of the PR Youth, Edfren Rosa Mercado of the Guayanilla Church and a member of the Island Board, and myself, director of the Sol de Justicia newspaper. There we met Dr. Wilson Perez Escalante, national president of the youth of the Dominican Republic. This year 1981 was very significant since, for the first time, delegations of the youth of Puerto Rico went out to other countries as delegates or representatives of the Department of Youth and Ladies "Ambassadors of Christ the King". The first trip we made was to Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic accompanying the IPJ Council 117

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

delegation from both PR and USA. Flor Cruz, with his affectionate phrase "mancebos"; he accompanied the "mancebos" from PR, Gilberto Ramos Granell, Edfrén Rosa Mercado and Pablo Fernández Colón to the neighboring republic. "I'm not from there, but I know a lot" was his continuous phrase.

Rev. Flor Cruz on his triumphal entry into Santo Domingo on a mule - summer 1981 118

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Rev. Flor Cruz, Edfrén Rosa and Gilberto Ramos in front of the IPJ temple in the Sector el Invi, in Santo Domingo, 1981.

Photo taken at Calle el Conde in Santo Domingo, D.R. summer 1981. The young men of PR Gilberto, Edfrén and Pablo, accompanied by Dr. Wilson Pérez Escalante, President of the Young IPJs of the Dominican Republic, appear. 119

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Photo taken in the Dominican Republic, historicalcolonial zone, 1981. The next few years (1981-85), the newspaper was under my responsibility more fully than before. It circulated in Puerto Rico, the Dominican Republic, New York, El Salvador, Colombia and Spain; with a circulation of 5,000 copies. As long as it was possible for us, the activities carried out in these countries would also be included in advance. We achieved this in part in the Dominican Republic and New York. We also visited these young people at their conventions.

120

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Sample of the First Edition of the Newspaper "Sol de Justicia", Official Organ of the Department of Youth and Young Ladies Ambassadors of Christ the King. (September 1980, Year 1, Edition #1). Its format was two columns, legal size, printed by mimeograph. This format was maintained until Edition #9, September 121

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

1982: Year 2, No. 9; when it changed its format to a two-color tabloid newspaper. .

Angel Vega in the newspaper's graphic art process The newspaper was now a newspaper, no longer a pamphlet made with a razor or a mimeograph; it was something professional whose art was in the hands of the Graphic artist of the Maunabo Newspaper: "La Esquina", by Ramón "Chito" Arroyo (husband of my aunt Hilda Colón), Angel Vega of the University College of Humacao and its printing was done in Carolina P.R., in the National Printing House (where the official newspaper of the Socialist Party of Puerto Rico was also printed), "Claridad".

122

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Obviously the expenses were already higher ($800 for printing and $300 for art). We needed funds. We decided to do a campaign to sell pens with the logo of the Youth Department among many other sectional activities. There were also the costs of sending copies to different countries (El Salvador and Spain were the responsibility of the Youth Department in New York). The Dominican Republic and Colombia were my responsibility. Puerto Rico corresponded to the directives of the sections. I do remember the moment of the second tabloid edition of the newspaper, issue #11, dedicated to the youth of the Dominican Republic. Its cover was a horse-drawn carriage photographed by me in Santiago, Dominican Republic when I was there with 123

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

"Carmelo" and his "cart" for Christmas 1982. This edition was dedicated to the inmates of the prisons in Puerto Rico, since when I returned from the Dominican Republic I started working at the Guavate Prison Camp, Cayey PR. (January 1983) 1983. For the 1983 annual convention of the IPJ Youth in PR, I was chosen as the PR delegate to the annual convention of the IPJ Youth in New York. I also remember when I was going to return from Santo Domingo this time on my 1982 Christmas vacation, (this was the second time I went there), the first was for the 1981 annual conference along with Gilberto Ramos Granell and Edfren Rosa Mercado, from the Guayanilla Church. When I was going to leave I called the airport, PRINAR (Puerto Rican Airlines) and this was an hour before and they told me that I was fine, but that I should be there at least fifteen minutes before. So I did; but when I went to hand in my travel ticket, they told me that the flight was full and that I could not return that night. I waited for a while, asked for alternatives, and was told to get on the waiting list and return early the next morning. I did not agree with this alternative. Carmelo, my friend from Santo Domingo told me to go back the next morning. I remember when I firmly answered: "I am expected 124

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

in San Juan tonight, not tomorrow: I am returning to San Juan today, not tomorrow". About fifteen minutes passed, then another passenger arrived, and they told him the same thing. But after a while I saw him move to the "counter" or counter of Dominicana de Aviación, I saw him take his suitcases, and pay an amount of money to the manager on duty. I immediately approached him and asked him what had happened. You may wonder what happened to me; I simply spoke to the manager and indicated my situation, but that I had not been late; furthermore, I had no luggage except for my hand luggage. I didn't have to pay anything, and even better, I returned in First Class. The experiences I had on this occasion were the basis for later experiences in which I learned to wait for something that there was no reason to wait for, but which did happen.

125

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Covers of Sol de Justicia Newspaper in tabloid format.

Edition year 2, #10, (Dec 1982- January - February 1983) 126

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Covers of Sol de Justicia Newspaper in tabloid format.

Edición año 2, #11, (Dic 1982- Abril – Mayo-Junio 1983) 127

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

The flight attendant told me that there was a flight from New York, which would stop in Santo Domingo, via San Juan; that he had paid the difference in baggage charges. APCA, Colombia Summer of 1982 About five months passed, January to May, 1982, and my next spiritual challenge arrived: a Missionary Reinforcement trip to Colombia. APCA, the Association of Christian Revival Professionals, an organization that brought together former college students, now professionals, organized this trip in the summer of 1982: We left on July 17 and returned on August 4. I attended the retreats and group stays to adapt to the group we would be traveling. We got our passports and tickets were arranged: about $620.00 US dollars. The experiences lived by this group of courageous people; 21 young professional Christians from different groups or religious organizations made up the group. The leader of the group was Noemí Morant, former president of the Christian Revival Confraternity of the University College of Humacao; her right hand was Nuris Rivera, from the Confra of Rio Piedras. Josué Ocasio, president of APCA could not attend. This was APCA's second missionary reinforcement trip. The first had been to the Dominican Republic the previous year, 1981.

128

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

I remember that for these days I was not in very good health. I had acquired an acute gastrointestinal condition from my last trip to the Dominican Republic in January and had been hospitalized for four days at Laffayette Hospital in Arroyo, very close to the school I was working at: the new Pitahaya Elementary-Middle School in Arroyo, which was brand new. It was the first time in my life that I was hospitalized. Sick, with no money, but with a desire to go to Colombia. I remember that our prayer was: "Lord, I want to go to Colombia, I am going to Colombia and you will glorify yourself". In the newspaper Sol de Justicia many of the experiences lived there were written down. Perhaps the most impressive experience was the one I had just three days before returning to Puerto Rico. We started the trip leaving San Juan at eleven o'clock at night, arriving six hours later at the El Dorado airport in Santa Fe de Bogotá, after a supply stop in Barranquilla, Colombia.

129

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

We arrived at dawn: as we got off the plane I remember the feeling of hardly being able to breathe;

Arrival at Santa Fe de Bogotá Int’l Airport We felt like we were being pulled back and couldn't walk. We couldn't almost talk either, our voices wouldn't come out. The change in atmospheric pressure (three thousand meters above sea level, and a temperature of 50° or 60° degrees Farenheight was the reason for this feeling. It took us about half an hour to adapt to the change. About an hour later we boarded the Puente Aéreo or domestic flight from Bogotá to Medellín. We arrived in Medellin at about noon. The air route was impressing, the fog did not let us see the mountains of the central mountain range of America: it seemed as if instead of flying, we were "going down" a big mountain; bordering the almost invisible mountains. That is why it is said that 130

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Colombian pilots are the most experienced in the world. Navigation by radar, not by visual contact. The temperature in Medellin was quite pleasant; compared to Bogota: about 65° to 70° F. Medellin was the city in the Department of Antioquia that fascinated me the most. We were there for five days.

We celebrated Colombia's Independence Day (July 19), there was an extraordinarily impressive parade of floats with natural flowers; the avenues lined with Colombian flags all along, on each pole of the electric ignition, also on the windows of the houses and in the hands of the Antioqueños. God glorified himself in Medellín: healing, saving, reconciling and building. We even had a special service for children with clowns and white faces. In one of the sections I participated and I remember saying a sentence 131

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

backwards and everyone was "stunned". I didn't even realize what I said, but the experience was very beautiful and uplifting.

Children's Concentration in Medellín.

Evangelistic worship in La Loma, Medellín. 132

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

From Medellin, Cali route. The temperature in Cali was hot, like the city of Ponce in Puerto Rico; this is because Cali is almost at sea level. In Cali Brother Mario Ceballos, who has a degree in architecture or engineering, became our taxi driver, father, brother and great friend. He did not leave us alone "not even on the slopes". He moved us all around in his "jeep". He would take us to places of worship, to see the city, to "Pollo Rico" for lunch, where we would enter singing "La Borinqueña" and other spiritual songs. In Cali I almost didn't go out, since I was feeling a bit weak physically.

Something strange happened in Cali: It seemed that God was not manifesting himself as he had in Medellín. Some souls were converted but something was not going well. Then we realized that before us 133

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

another group of young Christians had visited the brothers in Cali and the impression they had left had not been very pleasant. So the brethren were "watching" us as we passed by. Only in the last few days did their attitudes begin to change as they saw our correct and respectful behavior; as if everyone were "Pentecostal", even though we were from many Christian movements from Charismatic, Evangelical, Baptist, etc.; and also Pentecostal.

Our prayer in Cali as well as in Medellin was: "Lord, I am in Colombia, do your part because I have already done what I had to do, glorify yourself" We left Cali somewhat demoralized. From there to Bogotá (five days later). Back in Bogotá it was the opposite of the Bogotá to Medellin fly. Now it was "up" again, and from the intense heat of Cali to the raw cold of Bogotá. In Bogotá we observed the great poverty that many brothers were living in their humble homes; only very few were living well. 134

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Prayer for a blind baby born in Cali-Valle

There for you to have a soda or a cold soda you had to ask for "iced soda" if you wanted it refrigerated; if you asked for "cold" they would give it to you at room temperature. 135

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

In Bogotá I gave my testimony in the Church of El Salvador, a neighborhood of Bogotá. That night a Catholic priest visited us and was impressed with our ministry where God began to glorify Himself in a big way again.

This was so because the brother of the General Supervisor of the Pentecostal Council of God M.I., who lived in Cali in the highlands towards Popayan, traveled from Cali to encourage us. He told us that as soon as we left Cali the Lord began to show us all that he had done that we did not see. Terrible! This was the battery we needed to "explode again". Lord, I am here in Colombia, I have done my part, you do yours, glorify yourself. The experience that impressed me in this last stage of the journey was our visit to the brothers of 136

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Villavicencio, going down the eastern mountain range towards the eastern plains (of the Amazon). The night before it had been raining heavily and a landslide had occurred on the road from Bogotá to Villavicencio. In the morning we heard about it. As the missionary support team met, different opinions emerged as to whether to go or not. Some indicated that they had had a revelation that they were not going. Others, logically speaking, said that there was no passage. Others were undecided. Others said we should try. On top of that, one of the jeeps had broken down that morning and was being repaired. Hours passed. The following was decided: Part of the group would go and the rest would stay in Bogotá to minister. Finally, the jeep was repaired. So those of us who decided to go left in two jeeps accompanied by Brother Sanchez and another pastor (Brother Marcelo). The route to Villavicencio was beautiful. We stopped in the area of a German community in the upper part of the Cordillera Oriental. We cooled the jeeps. We began the descent from where the white river could be seen, down in the depth of the cliff. Suddenly we had to stop: The brake bands of the repaired car were too tight. They were out of adjustment. But when they went to put the nuts on the rings, they didn't grip; they were bare. They didn't know what to do. They thought of putting them on backwards - they grabbed; so we kept going. 137

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

The congestion was terrible because even the passage was very limited and they were removing the loose ground. When we passed close to the cliff, the fright was terrible. At that moment, collective hysteria took hold of some of the young people. We prayed a prayer of faith, and followed the march. We were super late. But we arrived at the little temple where the brothers from the Amazon region were supposed to be waiting for us that night. But it was not like that. They had been misinformed and "tomorrow" would come. Now, what were we going to do? Where would we spend the night? We were taken to a "bad" hotel called "Hotel Ganadero" where from cockroaches, drunks, prostitutes, there was nothing to add to the praise of the place. Imagine how the girls would feel there! But we spent the night there. Morning came. We met and it was time to make new decisions. To return to Bogotá by day or to stay and return by night even with the collapse not completely cleaned up. Obviously everyone wanted to go back. But what would happen to the little brothers who after six to eight hours of walking would come from the Amazon area to meet in worship that night? Would we leave them "planted"? A vote was taken on whether anyone was willing to stay, as one of the pastors (Brother Marcellus) offered to take those who stayed. There is always a "ready" - someone who leaves the group. That was 138

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

me. Noel, from the Charismatic Church of Adjuntas, "jumped" after me. Then one of the girls from the Disciples of Christ Church - Aurea - asked: Can a girl stay? To this Noemí Morant, the person in charge of the group responded: "We are all missionaries and there are no differences between the sexes". This was the final decision. They returned, we stayed. We spent some time with the pastor, we went to see the local airport and we prepared for the expected service. There we were: Noel testified, Aurea sang and I preached. God saved about eight indigenous Amazonian souls, healed the sick and glorified himself. Only the missionaries who stayed in Villavicencio that night lived this extraordinary experience of deep love for souls.

139

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

When we left the service we were super happy because once again we were doing our part, God was doing his by glorifying himself! On the way back, one of the tires on the jeep was semi-deflated. Where were we going to repair it at that time of night? But there we found a tire repair shop that was kept open at night; all night if necessary. We repaired the tire and drove up to Bogotá. When we arrived at the site of the collapse we were not afraid until we saw the liquid gas truck before us that started to slide down the cliff in front of the collapse. We began to cry out in great fear. The truck had one of its tires almost in the air and was heading for the cliff. But the driver, little by little, managed to straighten it out (as it kept slipping towards the cliff due to the gas that had spilled on the pavement). The truck passed. So we said: if the truck passed, we passed too. It did; it slipped but we passed. We looked at the whiteness of the river at the bottom of the cliff which was still visible at night (twelve to one in the morning). We continued the march towards Bogota. The fog was covering the road but at last we could see the city of Bogotá on the plateau at the bottom of the highway (which was still under construction for some stretches). If I remember correctly, I think I returned to Puerto Rico the next day (Sunday August 1st, 1982) or a day later; I don't remember well. It seems 140

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

that it was the other day since classes for the new school year 1982-1983 started the next day. I will never forget Colombia and especially Villavicencio. I promised to return one day.

1983: End of Sol de Justicia newspaper. The missionary experiences in Colombia this year 1982 are narrated in the last two editions of the newspaper Sol de Justicia; editions #10 and #11. Everything went well until the Third Edition of the new Tabloid Format, Edition #12 when the size was twelve pages (3x4) and the cost was already $1,600. This last edition (#12) stayed at the house of the graphic artist, Angel Vega; it never made it to the printer's because the only one who could support us financially was our dear Brother Felix Flores from the Flores y Flores Travel Agency in Aguadilla. But Felix, who had been the Island President of the Department of Ladies and Gentlemen for my first assignment as Island President, (1975-77), by this time he no longer belonged to our Council, he belonged to the Presbyterian Church of Aguadilla and it was somewhat incorrect for someone to be from the financial Council itself. The Council could not support us financially and my personal income as a teacher could no longer supply 141

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

the expenses of the Council. Even when we sold it for 50 cents (in Puerto Rico only) and sought to advertise to different merchants or Christian service providers, it had to come to an end. I had to abandon it, and not because I wanted to, since it was already impossible economically speaking, to keep it in circulation. This was the maximum moment for our young IPJ's to express themselves in a printed media of such quality and international reach, as a Department. As I mentioned earlier, edition #12 or third of the new tabloid format never came out, although its art was designed. For the 1983 annual IPJ Youth Convention in PR, I was chosen as the PR delegate to the annual IPJ Youth Convention in New York. I remember that in these days before I left for NY, I made the final arrangements to get out the #12 edition of the Sol de Justicia newspaper in tabloid format. There was a lot of financial turbulence trying to get funding for this #12 issue, which as I said before, was never published even though it was designed. My desire was to bring it to the NY youth convention, but as much as I tried to get it out, this challenge was not met. I traveled to Aguadilla to meet with Felix Flores, but 142

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

I didn't find him at the travel agency in Aguadilla. He was at the new travel agency I had set up in San Sebastian del Pepino. I waited for a long time, but finally I left him a message that I would see him another time. It had been very bad weather these days; rain, thunder, lightning, and lightning typical of the hurricane season already in force in the tropics. Difficulties arose "because of a tube and seven keys" as we say in PR when things get really rough or an abundance of something; in this case, problems with the computers in the newspaper's art workshop at Angel Vega's home in Humacao due to bad weather, financial difficulties in getting the newspaper out of the National Printer once it was in print, and a deadline for the print run of issue #12, as the trip to NY was approaching. Everything was a race against time. As you can see, until this moment my life was "running on skates", that is, everything was "the miles". The moment of "stop" was approaching, but I didn't understand it. I remember taking a moment of prayer and reflection. I told the Lord Jesus how important it was for me to have that paper run in time to get it to NY. This moment was very dramatic: I stood up on four, and in 143

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

my private prayer I dramatized my situation that I was experiencing at this moment before God, seeing that everything was getting stuck (stagnant). I remember that in my dramatization I said to God: "Lord, I am going to dramatize what I want to say to you so that you can understand me well. See this little piece, I'm going to take a step to the end of it. I took the first step, then a second and last short step and I said: see, I reached the edge, there is no more room to walk. Other times I've jumped off and gone over the edge, but this time I'm not going to do it. And I asked him: "And now, what do I do, I've reached the end of my strength, what do I do now" I spent some seconds and between cries, I experienced God's peace in me who told me: "Don't do anything, there's nothing more you can do, it's over, there's nothing more to do". I received his peace; I was resting from an unbridled race to achieve everything on time, no matter what came in front of me, you had to achieve the goals and on time. It wasn't about running anymore, it was about resting; it wasn't about wanting to take the world by storm; it was about stopping. That, "stopping", something I had never done before, I didn't know what "stopping" was, what I knew was "flying to the miles".

144

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

IPJQ Youth Convention, NY 1983. The day of my departure to NY arrived. And unlike my plans, God had others. This was for the summer of 1983. I arrived in the big city of New York, "the big apple". And I went to the youth convention. Already at the assembly, Sandra was the outgoing President this year 1983, the new Board of Directors 1983-4 was appointed and the time came for the message to be delivered by me.

Pablo Fernandez, 1st PR Delegate in NY to the 1983 Annual IPJQ Youth Convention 145

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

The Preacher of the Ribbon, Pablo Fernandez At the 1983 NY Youth Convention.

Youth Directive 1983-1984. 146

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

Many remember this message for two main reasons; one was because of my famous bond, which was very fashionable at the time, and the other because the preacher (I) asked those present to please be absolutely silent while the message was being developed.

I remember I told you, "I want you to listen carefully to the message that God will bring to you; don't make any noise or praise, just listen carefully to the message. What do you think happened? That's right, every time the message had to be stopped and they had to be reminded of what I had said. The reaction was overwhelming when I saw their faces; how they were silently grieving as the Holy Spirit ministered to them through the message. 147

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

I remember that I told them about my past experiences in the past months and especially, days 148

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

before I went to NY. Every time I asked them the question: "Do you understand what I want to tell you? Since many were "Newyoricans", that is, raised there although many were of Puerto Rican descent. The message was also translated by an interpreter, since my English was not completely fluent. I finished the message and when I told them at the end that they could express themselves as they wished, that was "I wanted to fall there". Even today they tell me about that experience when they see me, especially Kittim Silva and his wife Rosita. After these wonderful experiences, many things happened in my life that will be described in the next chapter: "My last days in the Pentecostal Church of Jesus Christ".

149

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

150

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

CHAPTER SEVEN: MY LAST DAYS IN PENTECOSTAL CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST INC., IN GUAYAMA PR

Later in 1983-1984, I applied to work in San Juan and Río Piedras to facilitate my master's studies at T.E.S.O.L. (Teaching of English as a Second Language) in the Graduate Pedagogy Department of the UPR, studies that had begun since January 1982, after being admitted; - Among other things - I was surprised that I was admitted to the UPR in Río Piedras!!! That's how it went. The 1983-1984 school year began, together with José Figueroa, a mathematics teacher, José Luis Colón Guilfú, an English teacher, both teachers from the Simón Madera de Guayama school, beginning studies leading to the master's degree; the first in Business Administration and the second in Translation and Languages (Spanish / English). At first they were at the Juan A. Matos Public Residential School, then José Luis Colón went to work in a school in Cupey, near Trujillo Alto and “Figue”, Figueroa, went to school near the UPR in Río Piedras, Dr. José Celso Barbosa. I went to the Lola Rodríguez de Tió School in Las Monjas in Hato 151

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Rey. The first month I was staying in a little room at the back of a lady's house on Intendente González Street. I paid $ 80.00 a month without meals. Later I moved to the corner of Humacao Street, in La Santa Rita Urbanization where the boys were staying (Figue and Junior). Marisol Ruiz Martinez, one of the leading girls of the Pentecostal Council of Jesus Christ, assistant treasurer when I was island president in 1980, was staying in the front apartment on the second floor. Marisol and I had not been dating, but I understood that she was the one chosen for me.

Photo taken in January, 1982 in front of the church of Marisol's father: Rev. Ricci Ruiz Ríos, Bo. Chamorro, Cerrote Bryan Sector, in Las Marías. PR. 152

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

I had left the Lafayette Hospital days before after coming from the Dominican Republic, when I visited Marisol at her home in January 1982. It was the first time that I was hospitalized, this due to a gastroenteritis that I acquired in Santo Domingo with the water there. I remember when I got out of the hospital I wrote a letter to Marisol, in the envelope it said Marisol, but because of confusion I put Mariluz inside in the letter. Mariluz was her sister.

Mommy, Daddy, Marisol, Mariluz and Brother Ricci Ruiz, father of both at home.

153

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Marisol Ruiz and Gladys Morris, 1984.

Figue and Junior initially stayed on Humacao Street. Then they got an apartment on Calle Madrid in the Urbanización Santa Rita de Río Piedras. They told me to go to his apartment with Tito, a young man from Manatí. I would pay less and we would all share the expenses of utilities and food. I went with them. When I moved into the apartment on Calle Madrid with them, I invited Marisol Ruiz Martínez to a “dinner” prepared by me. She was the one who typed my master's thesis when the time came. She worked with a certain Judy, who was a secretary and preparing (typing) theses. The first year of being at 154

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Lola Rodriguez de Tió passed. The first days were super challenging since the boys in San Juan were “a thousand times” worse than the ones they had previously had in Humacao, Arroyo and Guayama. (Luciano Ríos school in Candelero Abajo, Humacao, S.U. Pitahaya de la Barriada Marín in Arroyo and Simón Madera in Guayama). But I had a successful year. In the last week of classes I was told that I had a probationary contract at the Juan B. Huyke School in Monacillos, Urb. Altamesa. The next school year 1983-84 I reported there. She was so different and "good" compared to Lola Rodríguez de Tió, that I even felt bad. At noon on the first day of school with the students, I went to visit the students and classmates of Lola Rodríguez de Tió. When I entered the dining room that wanted to fall due to the euphoria of the boys to see me. They were "superglad" to see me. The school principal José Valazquides had to reassure them. They asked me to come back to teach them; but I indicated that it was in Juan B. Huyke. (Urb. Alta Mesa); Monacillos.

Everything went well the first month at the new school. But a problem arose: A student with a criminal record came along with a probation who really had me out of my mind. It was so much so that I became ill due to the pressure of the master's studies, the evidentiary contract and the presence of this student. I think his name was José somewhat, I 155

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

don't remember his full name. José Luis “Junior” Colón Guilfú was also a little frustrated at his school, which covered grades one through four in the same building. He learned that there was a wholesale company (direct factory marketing to the customer) where there were great opportunities for economic income. There I went with him. We go out with a guide some days. Then Junior went back to school and I stayed that week. One day, while meditating, in front of the Carraizo Lake in Trujillo Alto, I realized that it was not as easy as it was painted. I quit. They returned the check that I had collateralized. But I didn't go back to the Juan B. Huyke School. I went to the doctor, Dr. Pabón at the Lafayette Hospital in Arroyo for a general examination of my health. A few days later, when the results arrived, Dr. Pabón told me: “You have to make a decision - either the job or the studies; but you can't carry both.” I called the school and reported what was going on. But they set me up. I was removed from my position due to abandonment of work and appointed another teacher in my place. They even altered some documents and reports that I had delivered and the school superintendent (a certain Mr. Ramos), withheld a check from my payment of fifteen days of work (that fortnight). Later I went to school and then to the superintendent's office. His attitude was arrogant and he was unwilling to understand. He told me that he 156

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

had already submitted my case to the legal division of the Department of Education. I then proceeded to prepare a formal letter explaining everything and requesting your help. He sent it along with his report to DIP (Department of Public Instruction), but said he couldn't do anything anymore. So the rest of the 1983-1984 school year I was unemployed with no rights to anything; since the charge was "abandonment of work". On May 26, 1984 I graduated from the theology course (1981-1984) at the Peña de Horeb Biblical Institute, after four arduous years of study.

Graduation of Peña de Horeb, 1984. It was terrible these eight months. I followed the master's studies at TESOL. The dissertation began in 157

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

"Cultural Aspects in the Teaching of English as a Second Language in Puerto Rico: Cognitive Styles and their Implications". To pay for my studies and travel, I took people to the airport and / or looked for passengers at the airport. Mommy and daddy were preparing maví to sell and be able to pay for the new car (a 1982 Toyota Corolla 1.8, champagne color - sand). This car was later stolen from the Santurce area, near the Loraine Theater, while watching a movie. When I left the cinema I saw that the car was not there. I despaired first because the Spirit reproached me and then because part of the thesis was in a bundle in the trunk of the car, including the observations I had made in the classes observed at the UPR elementary school that morning. OMG! I was going to explain to my parents by notifying them of the car theft. I lied to them. I told them that it had been stolen from me when I left the UPR, not when I left the X-movie Theater. I called home and indicated that I would spend the night at the police headquarters where I had reported the theft of the car in Santurce. There I spent the night, very calm since I had repented before God for being there. I never went back to that X-movie theater again. Later they closed and knocked down that building. 158

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

I returned home taking public transportation. Thank God I had a copy of the two chapters of the thesis that were in possession of Dr. Eloina Rodríguez de Vidal, my thesis advisor. The observations I had to repeat and / or recreate according to my best memories of them. Two days later, the police called from the Barranquitas barracks indicating that they had recovered the car almost intact and had it in the Barranquitas barracks parking lot. Let her go get it. We went with David to look for him; it was only missing the rear view mirrors, the door edges, damaged locks. It didn't have the power switch; it was turned on with a screwdriver, and maybe some other detail - but functionally it was fine. At that time, I saw Marisol Ruiz Martínez quite frequently and we met at the house where she was staying on Humacao Street. When I could look for her to take her to the meetings of the Insular Board of Youth of the IPJ, because she could not always attend, I excused her or she tried to excuse herself when I did not. At the Annual IPJ Conference of January 1985 in Yauco, PR, when we returned to Rio Piedras, on the Day of the Kings, January 6, on the way Marisol and I became boyfriends. We stopped at Cayey's Pizza Hut to celebrate.

159

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

The day that Marisol and I became boyfriends, January 6, 1985, there was a photo of Donna Marie Rodríguez in the miles mark of my car. She was a student at the Peña de Horeb Biblical Institute in Guayama and “Prepa” at the UPR in Rio Piedras. Donna Marie was from the Palo Seco neighborhood of Maunabo. On the day of her high school graduation, I portrayed her and presented her with a framed 20x24 enlargement. 160

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

For Junior: So you can always remember your sister. in Christ who appreciates you in the love of Jesus, Donna (May 28, 1985). When she started studying in Río Piedras, I always took her and always brought her. Marisol thought she was my girlfriend. By explaining, I understood that she (Marisol) wanted to be my girlfriend. Days earlier on the December 1984 vacation, I visited her at her home. My Experiences at UPRB / CUTB 1985-1986 I still don't understand how this happened that I'm going to explain now. As I mentioned earlier, I 161

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

was out of a job during the 1983-84 school year, beginning in September. But sometime at the end of the second semester 1983-84, I do not know if by mistake or why my case had not been seen in the legal division of the DIP, the thing was that the Permanence came with the Río Piedras 4 school district, whose offices were in the shopping center in front of the old El Comandante Racecourse in Country Club. I went there as soon as the 1984-85 school year began and I reported to the middle school — superior at Country Club, where I held the regular English position, eighth grade. I don't remember now the name of the school Dr. something, I forgot. This school was indeed "cache". At the end of the first month, since I was welcoming the students and the students understood the approach that I proposed to develop with them, based on my research studies for the thesis at TESOL, they called me from a phone number that was not from the Metropolitan area; At first I didn't know where she was from. They asked me to call back. He was from Bayamón, from the University Technological College of Bayamón (CUTB) of the UPR; of the Special Services Program, offering me a post of Specialist in Learning Skills in Spanish and English. During the previous months I had left a resume there; just in case, since he had not finished the master's degree yet, but indicated that it would end by December 1985. 162

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Since I was concerned about the matter with the DIP Legal Division; I had not been summoned yet to see my case, I did not think twice. I submitted my resignation letter to the DIP explaining that I was going to work with the University of Puerto Rico, at the CUTB; Bayamón. The associate director of the school told me that the usual thing was to resign a month in advance, but that it was not a success. I said goodbye to everyone; teachers and students; and I told Marisol what happened. I started working at the CUTB in September 1985, having no idea what I had to do there. But I was super excited. The salary was $ 1,100.00 monthly with the master's degree, in addition to the medical plan and other UPR privileges or fringe benefits. For this year 1985, because she lived 161st in Rio Piedras and later in Bayamón in 1986, she taught at the Peña de Horeb Biblical Institute, not in Guayama, but in Carolina. She was assisting the Arocho Brothers in the new work in the Sixth Extension of the Santa Juanita Urbanization in Bayamón. As for October 1985, José Luis Colón Guilfú married Janette, a nurse from Coameña, and they were going to live in Ohio, USA. He offered me to keep his 163

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

brand new 1984 Honda Accord, gray, four-door. He himself sold the account of my Toyota Corolla and they returned $ 1,700.00 or something, which he took as a “down payment” and handed me his car with all his transfer papers, etc. When I went to look for Marisol in that tremendous ship, she was happy but she told me why she wrapped me up in that account when mine was fine, although she had neither radio nor air, but with a sound like that of a train for have a differential ball housing broken. Woh! Now if it had everything and with "cache". This was my happiest moment until then. Both Marisol and I had been emotionally involved with someone before we got married. We never lie to each other even before the dating - for better or for worse. - We told each other the truth and confessed that our emotional ties were not strong enough to forget the previous ties or the people we loved. We end the relationship. We finished on a Thursday, but on Saturday I took her to her appointment with the orthodontist, Dr. Carlos Justiniano de Mayagüez. This, too, would be my first date for braces. She herself had taken the appointment from me. We had talked about getting married in the summer of 1986. She was driving the Honda Accord from Río Piedras to Mayagüez, to the Mc Donalds of the Mayagüez Shopping Center, where we had breakfast. After the appointment she drove to her house, where we said 164

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

goodbye. She was then the one who typed my Master's Thesis, completed in December 1985. I visited her at Christmas 1985 and we portrayed ourselves with the thesis, "our intellectual daughter" since we had to "give birth" to her with difficulty. I remember begging your mother, Sister. Rosita to advise her and not let us break the engagement, but I did not succeed. We didn't see each other again until today.

Christmas of 1985 at Marisol's house. Moments in which we portray ourselves together with the UPR Master's Thesis: “Cultural Aspects in the Teaching of English as a Second Language in Puerto Rico: Cognitive Styles and their Implications”. 165

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

As for Donna Marie, after I had left Marisol for her, she (Donna) became the girlfriend of one of the boys from her hostel, on the ground floor of her house. That day I brought her white flowers. So after I had poured out my courage, I gave her the flowers and I was without the flowers and without her. I said to him: "For you I left Marisol and now it turns out that you want someone else"?

So for the first (Donna) I left the second (Marisol) and finally, I was left without the flowers, without the one (Marisol) and without the other (Donna Marie). About a year and a half Donna called me at home, but I did not return the call. It had given her a year to 166

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

rethink, and it took longer. I got to communicate with her later and she explained that it was that my phone number had been lost. But still, I didn't break it. Within a month or two, they called me from the DIP Legal Division to see my case. When they saw in my file that there were two contracts in the same year, one evidential Title 1 and another (fraudulent) that said regular permanent position, I explained to them that my status was according to the first, I didn't know anything about the second; It was fraudulent and upon seeing the signature of the superintendent Mr. Ramos, they understood that it was a farce, to be able to dismiss me for "abandonment of work" since with the probation, they could not do it. So, because of the blunder of themselves (the DIP), I came out of the case well, although I had already resigned when I accepted the job at the CUTB. They told me there was nothing they could do against me, that I could go back to the DIP whenever I wanted. By the end of 1985, in December, I finished the thesis. The director of Special Services, Elena Perez Viñales, made adjustments to my salary (from $ 800 to $ 1,100) because I now had a full master's degree. The second semester 1985-86 was much better and more productive for me in my services. It offered tutoring services to students who even with regular tutoring with fellow students "did not come out on 167

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

top." These students I helped individually. Others came voluntarily. She also prepared "mini workshops" in basic skills in English and Spanish. The first semester was to write them; I was only able to offer one or two workshops. The second semester was much more successful. The second semester ended 1985-86; I had already "taken the floor" of what I had to do at work. When the time came for the TRIO Annual Programs Convention, I enjoyed three days at the Condado Beach Hotel in San Juan. It was wonderful. We also made tours or excursions with students to Las Cavernas and Cuevas de Camuy and Ponce. For these days, end of the 85-86 school year, my contract was renewed with a salary of $ 1,100.00 per month. So far everything smiled at me: good job and salary, new car (the Honda Accord 84). In the romantic area it was that the problems began. First we broke up Marisol and I, then with Donna Marie and later on the summer holidays - July 1986 - I started to get interested in one of the young women from my church: Ana Vicenta Ledée, whom I called "Anivie".

168

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Moments of the summer ‘86 in Arecibo. Anita Ledée, alias Anivie, me and Angie Bernard appear in the photo. Anivie or Anita was very slim but with super beautiful dark eyes. I met her at a morning we did at her house for Christmas 1973. Then at a wedding she came out as a lady and looked super beautiful. At first I began to frequent her but the explosive and unstable nature of her mother made me stay away from her. For this summer of 86 ’I thought of her and started falling in love with her again. This was my "worst mistake". Along with other young people from the Council: Mariangelis Bernard - Angie, the eldest sons of the Reverend Linarde E. Báez, Secretary General of the Council, José Luis Colon Sáez, inseparable friend, Danny Ríos de Carolina and the boys from his church, we went to many places costing the Island of Puerto Rico: from El Yunque in 169

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Luquillo to Guajataca in Quebradillas-Isabela.

Day in El Yunque, Luquillo. The thing is that one day more, perhaps already in the month of August, 1986; I found out overnight that Anivie was leaving her job at the Paris Beauty Academy in Guayama and leaving for the United States. She always said that she would not introduce her lover to anyone and that she would catch everyone by surprise. Sometimes I got excited thinking that it was me, but it was someone, a certain José Luis from the town of Salinas. The point was that that night when she announced at the church that she was leaving, when I left the service, I asked her to let me visit her on Saturday and to give me at least half an hour to talk to her. She said it was fine. Saturday night came; I brought her a rose in a very elegant glass base. But tremendous surprise: when 170

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

she got it, her mother told me that she was not there and that she had no interest in seeing me or anything to talk to me about. That she had accepted (to visit her) because some brothers from the church were listening to our conversation that night (Tuesday). I did not leave the flower. I went to the Barrancas neighborhood of Guayama, there, destroyed, I took the flower and threw it into the sea. I said something like this: "Just as you take the flower, she leaves, if you return with the waves, so she will also return." This happened Saturday night. On Monday, when I was going back to work, when I was picking up Damaris Báez, the daughter of Linardo, at the southern toll in Caguas, PR, to take her to Inter Bayamón, where she was studying, I said crying: “Damaris, pray for me because I was about to commit suicide ”. She nervously said to me: "Pablito, but what is wrong with you?" I insisted: "I tell you, but pray, pray." Then I explained what happened to Anivie. I told Damaris that Anivie only explained to the pastor, Ramón Alicea, that it was because he had lost his job. Then, days later, Mariangelís “Angie” told me that in Arroyo (town where Anivie lived) everyone commented that Anita Ledée had left because she was pregnant and because she was not embarrassed, 171

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

she had made the sudden decision to leave for the United States. This finished destroying me. So, many things like that made sense to her to always say that it would surprise everyone. I said to Angie: "If she had only given me the half hour that I asked for, I would have informed the church so as not to leave doubts about her sudden trip"; which she claimed had informed the church that it was the reason for her sudden trip. Returning to CUTB, it was time for the explosion. It had only been three days since they had renewed my contract when all this happened. In an "explosion"; I left the program director, Ivonne Pérez Viñales, “from behind the face”. I met with her and I let off steam and told her that I would not continue working there; who resigned. Things were bad, the problem with Anivie, and other problems with the Director and there was a third problem that I don't remember now; maybe in church. If I remember later, I'll tell you what it was. The worst thing is that the explosion exploded where it least should be: from work. So Ivonne told me to work the first semester until December, so that a month before I could officially write the resignation. I agreed. But I did something I shouldn't have done: I worked very little the rest of the time. Even Ivonne herself noticed and told me. Arrived on November 17, 1986, I wrote the resignation, explaining that it was because another 172

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

university institution: Inter-American University of Puerto Rico, Guayama Campus, requested my services. The Rector William Riefkohl answered it after a few days (December 9, 1986), wishing me success. Indeed, as of October 1986, Gladys Rivera, Director of the Inter Advancement Program in Guayama, interviewed me and offered three English courses. After the Anivie incident in 1986, I started thinking about Minerva Rodriguez Rodriguez, a Computer Programming student at the CUTB and tutor in the Special Services Program.

Minerva, or "Minny Maxi" as we called her, was nothing small or mini, she was quite tall, a Taino girl, about 5'7" tall. Two little breaks marked on her cheeks. Black eyes, captivating, bright. A beautiful smile, simply a "Taino goddess".

173

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

I liked her very much. At some point I asked Millie Calzada Trenche, his tutoring coordinator, if she thought that if I asked Minerva out, she would go. I was sure she wouldn't. I remember that one day I invited Minerva to what was then the Bonanza of the 65th Infantry in Rio Piedras. This was in the days before she graduated from college and I had resigned my position as a Learning Skills Specialist, for December 1986. This day, her roommate Madeline from the town of Ciales joined us to celebrate her graduation and my farewell to CUTB.

I remember Minny asking me why I had quit; she indirectly implied that she didn't share my decision. I explained to her that "it was a flush" that I took with Yvonne. In the end I invited her to the party that was going to be on the program. She did not attend the 174

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Christmas party at Millie's house, since she had left for her town of Quebradillas. I remember that Edwin Colón Zayas and his brother, both students at CUTB, were playing their fours.

I bid a cordial farewell to everyone at CUTB. The Christmas party of '86 was held at the home of Millie Calzada, the coordinator of Las tutorias and wife of Dr. Fernando. I do not remember her last name, as she always called Millie by a nickname of "Mr. Weberson". He was the director of the Physical Education program at Sacred Heart University.

175

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

It was just the beginning of Christmas '86 and I was out of a full-time job. Just the part-time job at the Advancement Program at Inter de Guayama. By this time I still had the 1984 Honda Accord that I traded to Jose Luis "Junior" Colon Guilfu. I remember that January 1987 arrived and the Annual Conference of the IPJ Council was held in Mayagüez. I remember that Elena, one of the girls from the church and her friend Ivette were staying near me in the Leguísamo neighborhood in Mayagüez. We shared a lot these days. One day Ivette asked me to let her drive the car back to the hostel in Leguísamo.

176

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

I took a chance, since I didn't know how she drove. "She didn't do so badly." I was accompanied by Elena, her mother and Ivette, who was driving. One of those days I took them to a "fast food" restaurant (I don't remember if it was Taco Maker or Wendy's), in front of the "Colegio" of the UPR in Mayagüez. Then I will tell you what it was when "my light bulb goes on"; that is, when I remember the name of the place.

177

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

On the way back to Guayama we continue to share. Elena was very elegant, tall (5'-5" or 5'-6"), light complexion, long black hair, straight; she dressed very elegantly and was very friendly.

178

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

I started the second semester of school 198687 and did not have a full-time job. I was very dedicated to the church. I remember one day Ivette called me at home telling me to come to the square; that she had something to talk to me about. I had no idea what it was. We went to the Pozuelo neighborhood, in front of the beach, after passing the El Bohio restaurant. In the end, what he wanted to tell me was that he had feelings for me, for the way I treated Elena. Before this, I remember that sometimes she would call me to help her with her schoolwork, especially her English. She was studying at the Instituto Tecnológico de Guayama, tenth grade, in accounting. One of those days, in the afternoon or evening, maybe at night, she and her brother Danny and I went to buy pizza at "Louis Pizza" (I don't remember the name well); it was in front of "El Gallo" bakery, now, Panadería Diaz, near the Luis A. 179

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Rivera and Simón Madera urban middle schools. I remember this moment of picardia. While Daniel had gotten out of the car to order the pizza, as he helped Ivette close the car door (I think it was starting to drizzle), I "stole a kiss" from her. Woh, tremendous kiss, very sweet.

She was "stunned". Then after a while, after about five or ten minutes, she asked me, "Why did you do that?" I said, "Because I felt it," and I laughed. I had never done anything like that before, as I was quite "shy", or perhaps, reserved. The thing is that not even a week went by when she and I 180

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

returned to Pozuelo and there we became engaged. This was for February or March of 987. I remember her telling me that she didn't dare to be my girlfriend because, in her words, "it wouldn't make you happy". I told her that I was already happy with her. The thing was that we were still engaged for about three months. She, Ivette, was sixteen years old; I was thirty. Trigueña, with black curly hair, and "witch" eyes that drove me "crazy". I remember one day I took a picture of her looking through the rearview mirror of the Honda Accord. She was very smart; president of the local youth in those days.

Ivette's Witchy Eyes. 181

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Photos taken on a trip to the Guajataca tunnel, in Isabela -Quebradillas lvette and her brother Danny.

And at El Morro, in the Old San Juan in the summer of 1987. 182

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

She conveyed a sensuality that was quite difficult for me to control when I was around her. I remember that this day in Quebradillas Ivette told me that if she was no longer my girlfriend, even though I still considered her to be, I should take advantage and call Minerva Rodriguez Rodriguez "Minny", since she was there. I called her home, but she was not there, since she had not returned from her job at Pfizer in Barceloneta, where she worked in computer programming and sometimes went out late at night.

Minerva Rodríguez Rodríguez “Minny” I used to talk to Ivette about Minny, even before Ivette and I were engaged; when I helped her with her homework. But I would tell her that it was pretty 183

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

hard for Minny and me to get anywhere, since she was Catholic and I was Pentecostal. The summer of 1987 was coming. We went to the beach in the Patillas Fishing Zone in the Barrio Bajos. Elena always shared with us. Ivette fought with me a lot because I was very serious and strict in my behavior; she was very liberal in her jokes and jokes. But I still started to love her a lot, because deep down I saw that she was experiencing a lot of pain and suffering.

I remember that many times he would call me late at night, telling me that he couldn't sleep, that he had 184

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

many nightmares. Her confidant friend was Elena, but she didn't talk about her much, just cried and kept quiet. She told me to be patient with Ivette; that she was still very young and did not have the maturity that I had. I remember that these days. As early as May 1987, Elena was graduating from the ninth grade. The graduation was at the Teatro Calimano, now Teatro Guayama, in front of the Plaza de Recreo Cristobal Colón. Elena had asked me to take her picture. Ivette and I were with her. Ivette had a cream-colored suit and I was dressed all in white. I took the pictures. I also took a picture of Ivette and she took a picture of me. I remember that her face always looked sad, even when this was a moment of great joy and meaning. Already in these days Elena began to feel something for me, but she didn't express it. She only said that her look was only that of a friend. But one day she made me understand that she would like things to change. I told her that if there were any changes to be made (i.e. to leave Ivette) she should let me know.

185

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

The thing is that from the beginning, from Christmas '86 I was very interested in Elena, but she was always with Ivette, and Ivette, being more aggressive than Elena, was ahead of her. One day Ivette told me that she didn't have the same beauty attributes as Elena, So he had to "jump in first." That's why he called me that afternoon and said he needed to talk to me. In the end, she was in love with me. That's why I stole a kiss from her days later, as I told you before. At first sight this was a love triangle, but deep down, it wasn't like that. What I will narrate next is something very intimate 186

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

and extremely strong to admit. I beg you, reader, if you are a Christian or a religious person, or if you are one of those close to me or to Ivette or to Elena, to understand that my purpose in narrating this is not to defame anyone, much less the person I learned to deeply appreciate. The situation that prevailed in these days for both Ivette, Elena, and me was very delicate. I was just coming out of the embarrassing and frustrating situation I had experienced months before with the Ana Vicenta Ledeé "Anivie" affair. Elena and Ivette had heard about it. My emotional situation is now known to you, dear readers. I will now explain what Elena and Ivette's situation was, and why the relationship between them was so closed. By the time that Anivie's situation had occurred, maybe almost a year (about nine months), school year 1985-86, when I was a teacher of youth in the church; the pastor was Ramon Alicea, Anivie was the youth president, then she was the vice-president of Section, Juan "Negro" was the youth president of the local youth, replacing Anita Ledeé. These days I observed that Ivette and Negro, who were engaged at the time, "spent all their time together" both in and out of the church. They did not pay attention to the Bible class, for "they were too wrapped up in each other. I remember that on one 187

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

occasion Pastor Ramon Alicea had gathered Ivettes' parents, brother Cady and sister Maria, together with Negro's mother (Juan Cortés), perhaps to ask them not to let things between Ivette and Juan continue to create criticism between the church, since many understood that they should not be alone (the two of them) "up and down" and together all the time, even sitting together in the temple. I would like to clarify here that the doctrine of the church was very strict and in principle they did not allow engaged couples to "be together all the time", much less to sit together in the temple. The usual thing was for each person to sit in the designated area: example, young people, ladies, and gentlemen. The young men and gentlemen were supposed to sit separately from the ladies and the young ladies. The brothers were not seeing what this couple of teenagers were doing. Obviously in their ignorance and immaturity. I know that there was a meeting with the parents (the mother in Black and Ivette's parents) one night. Well, after all, I was not at that meeting, so what was discussed there was not to my direct knowledge, but I did know that the meeting had been held to correct this situation, which, as I quoted, was one of discomfort among the siblings because of the rules in place at the time. Years later this practice of restricting seating was eliminated. But by then, that 188

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

was the rule or discipline. Time passed, I was still interested in Anivie, even after what had happened that Saturday before she left for the United States. I was very involved in the things of the church; the Bible classes, the Bible Institute, because already on May 26, 1984 (almost three years ago) I had graduated from the theology course (1981-1984) and was a teacher at the Institute; mostly from the Pastoral Theology course offered to pastors. I held the position of general treasurer of the church and on top of that, without a full time job. He was a musician, teacher, council worker, and teacher of the Bible school teachers. Sometimes he even chauffeured the church bus.

189

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

I remember that a young person from the church in Jacaboa de Patillas, Lilly Vélez, to whom I dedicate the preamble of this autobiography, played a very important role in my life. She was one of the few people who, in the midst of the crisis I was beginning to experience, gave me her hand of support. I remember that this was for the Christmas period, if I remember correctly, on New Year's Day 1987, I shared with Lilly and her family (mother and siblings) in her apartment in Brisas de Arroyo. Lilly was president of the youth at the time and was studying at the Institute in Guayama. Lilly had heard about Anivie and knew that I was not having a very good time; not at all. Lilly Vélez, many years ago was just a little girl of about four or five when I was a sectional youth leader and at a convention in Jacaboa to inaugurate the temple, I was going to clean up at Lilly's grandmother's house. I remember that in those days she spoke almost no Spanish and I spoke English with her. Her uncle was a person with physical and mental disabilities. There he shared with this family. I also remember that her grandfather was deaf. Time had passed quickly; now Lilly was a young woman, studying at the Peña de Horeb Bible Institute and was a student of mine. She was also president of 190

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

the Jacaboa Youth Society for 1987. I remember that this Christmas we gave her a morning and later I gave her a poem related to friendship. If I remember correctly, the poem was accompanied by a photo of her.

After all, Lilly had seen me one day in the town of Guayama and invited me to come to her house. As I told you, Lilly Vélez was my support these days, so much so that I am deeply grateful to her to the point of dedicating the preface or preamble of this autobiography to her. As I indicated, by January 1987, I was beginning to share with Elena and Ivette. This was just after these first moments of decline. As I also indicated previously, Ivette had been Black's girlfriend when 191

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

he was about fifteen or sixteen years old; she was fourteen at the time. A year and a half later, almost two, she is now sixteen, I remember that her "Sweet Sixteens" birthday was celebrated at home. She was accompanied by her beloved Elena and her cousin Millie; my nieces Sandra and Yazmin, as well as Daniel and his younger brother David.

Ivette’s 16th birthday. Well, I know that you are desperate to continue reading and knowing what I have pointed out as extremely intimate and delicate. By this time, 1987, Negro was now Elena's boyfriend after having been Ivette's boyfriend. The two of them were like sisters. Both Elena, an only child, and Ivette, an only child, 192

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

although she had two brothers, Daniel and David, were mutual confidants.

The situation that looked like a love triangle was actually a complex situation, very complex, very intimate and known to very few people. As I said, Juan, Negro, was now Elena's boyfriend. Elena, a close friend of Ivette, her confidant, knew extremely intimate details of Ivette and Negro's previous love affair, now that Negro was Elena's boyfriend. What a situation, right? Please understand, dear reader, that what I am beginning to tell you is too deep in my soul, to the point that my life, from this year 1987, was on the verge of destruction. I return and point out, my intention is not to cause harm or defame anyone, and

193

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Much less Ivette, because I loved her too much, and if it had been up to me, everything that happened later in December 1987, I would have avoided it; if I could have. To the point that today, September 7, 194

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

2002, almost fifteen years later, these memories are still latent in my mind and have transformed my life forever since that moment.

Going back to 1987; Ivette, now my girlfriend, Elena's close friend, now Elena Juan's girlfriend, Ivette's ex-boyfriend, one day very tearful, Elena asked me not to leave her, despite the continuous arguments Ivette and I had. I asked Elena what was wrong with Ivette, because she reflected so much pain and did not want me to continue with her. This was about August, or September, 1987. Elena, crying, only said that she couldn't say anything, even though you could tell her heart was breaking and she was pouring it out through her tears. 195

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

She knew what had happened between Ivette and Juan when they were engaged; she did not want to reveal it. Now she, knowing what had happened between the two of them, was Juan's girlfriend, or at least he wanted her to be. The most neuralgic point of all this was how Elena could be Ivette's friend, intimate, like the little sister she never had, and that because of a common lover, they were now at a crossroads, and that they were reliving day by day some painful memories they both secretly shared, which obviously included Juan as the common denominator. Anguish, anguish - this is the word that best defines the feeling that reigned in the three of us: Elena, Ivette and me. Anguish in Ivette because of what she had experienced, which she had revealed to Elena, but which she did not want to reveal to me. Anguish, anguish in Elena, because she was in love with her best friend's ex-boyfriend, Ivette. Anguish for knowing his intimate secrets, for loving the one whom Ivette had loved and still had feelings for him, but which she could not express, because now he was pretending to be Elena and Ivette was my girlfriend. Anguish in me, Pablo, for not knowing what was going on. Anguish for wanting to help Ivette out of 196

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

her pain and not knowing how to do it. Anguish, so much anguish that one day I said to Ivette: "Since you don't want to tell me what's wrong, or you can't do it, I'll ask God to reveal it to me. It was so; that very night God showed me, I say God, because nobody had told me anything. So I understood that God showed me in my sleep, that when Ivette and John had been engaged, their love relationship had been very stormy; beyond an innocent love, simple and pleasant to remember and above all, of Christian principles. The Lord revealed to me, or at least that was my understanding at the time, that they loved each other very much; Ivette loved him very much, although at first she didn't even get along with him or like him, but that they should forgive each other, which hadn't happened after almost two years, and now, John was falling in love with his close friend, who knew about his intimacies. The way he manipulated both Ivette and Elena was that Juan was telling them that he was suffering from an illness that would cause him to die soon; that he had little time left to live. He had also told Mariangelis and other girls that he was a lover. While he was Ivette's boyfriend, she knew that Juan was with another girl at the school where he was studying, but that she never "caught him in the act". 197

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

She had been informed by friends of hers who studied with Juan. And that because Ivette had not been able to heal so many emotional wounds, which only Elena had told her, she was now seeing her ex-boyfriend, whom she loved deeply, her first love, fall in love with her own friend to her very face. And, as if nothing had happened, he gave Ivette kisses on the cheek, as if they had not had a relationship that, as I mentioned previously, the brothers of the church were upset with them when they saw them arguing even in church, but, after a couple of hours, they were still together as if everything was ok “up and down." That's why Ivette told me that I wouldn't be happy with her; that I should please leave her. That her soul was so broken that she would not be able to love me. As I had loved him and even with all that he had humiliated her, I still felt affection for him; because I had loved him too much. It had been her first love – she told me. The anguish went from being anguish to becoming a deep feeling of love, accompanied by pain in the soul, revolt and hate. Love, because I now understood to a certain degree, why Elena was telling me not to leave Ivette or not quitting our relationship, to help her and to try to "carry" her up. 198

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

Elena's love for Ivette, knowing that the one she loved had been her best friend's first love. That they had hurt each other very much and had not forgiven each other. Rebellion; rebellion in Ivette towards John, seeing his face day by day. Seeing that he refused to resolve the issue between them and see that now he loved her best friend, whom she wanted to prevent what had happened, but have to bear in silence and pain in his soul. Rebellion in Elena, by not being able to do anything about it and having to keep in her heart that hard truth and at the same time, being emotionally involved with the one who had caused this great pain to her best friend. And she continued to do so even after almost two years of having left Juan. Rebellion, in me, Paul, when the next day I said to Ivette: "Why didn't you tell me what had happened; what had happened between you and John and was still happening? Rebellion at having to see him in my own church; in our own church. Seeing him greet her as if nothing had happened and even give her friendly kisses on the cheek, in front of Elena and in front of me. He rebelled by trying to love Ivette more and more 199

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

every day, and by wanting to "kill" him for what he had done and was still doing: in a sly way, knowing that she wanted to talk about and resolve past grievances. I felt rebellious about John breaking Ivette's heart and carrying on as if nothing had happened. Even worse, now he was falling in love with Ivette's best friend, knowing that she knew what had happened between the two of them. The time was coming for Ivette and me to leave each other. That would be in August or September, 1987. I can't pinpoint the day and the month. But I remember that that day I took her to Pozuelo; right there where we had become engaged, next to a tree, on the shore of the Caribbean Sea; a place where just like in the beginning, about three or four months before, we kissed. We left each other loving each other, giving each other a kiss. A kiss goodbye. I remember that he did not want us to leave each other but he understood that this was his will, although not his feeling. We continued to share as always. Not even her parents imagined that she and I had left each other. This is because I kept visiting her as before. These days she had moved to PR #15, Barrio Jájome, near the Gobemador de Puerto Rico Summer House. This house was where her mother had grown up, married and where Ivette was born, in Cayey. 200

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Mother’s day at Palmas del Mar For these days I remember that I gave him a communication radio or CB Cobra 146 GTL, forty channels with SSB (Single Side Band). We were transmitting on channel thirty-seven USB (Upper Side Band). She identified herself as "La Eléctrica". I came out as "OKNI 340". Already for these days the relationship friends - old boyfriends was quite difficult. I had the impression 201

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

that things were happening to her because she never knew the difference between right and wrong. I remember that my colleagues from the Citizen Band (CB) radio wanted to meet her. She was developing a kind of conversation, perhaps naive, but that "warmed me up". One night I even hit my head with the silver "paddle" amplified static microphone that my radio had. By this time I was a slave to a mixture of feelings of wanting to help her, but not knowing how. I knew that she still loved me, and even some days it seemed as if we were still sweethearts. One day, I remember, after taking her from the student practice center (Social Security Office in Guayama) to her house, I wanted to "go for a walk" to Old San Juan and try to forget what was happening. She didn't want me to leave. At first, she didn't want to get out of the car, the Honda Accord. Then she got out but put her books on the bonnet of the car. I remember that with courage, when she started the car, her books flew and fell all over the road. I made her leave; I looked in the rearview mirror and saw her pick up her books. The pain I experienced in my heart did not allow me to continue to San Juan, and I returned to her house. She didn't want me to leave because she thought I was going to 202

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

find prostitutes there. I had never had sex with a woman before; I was a virgin. That is why this whole situation was so unbearable for me. I had confessed to her that I had never had a sexual experience with a woman or a girl, since I had converted to the Lord very young - at the age of fourteen - and from then on my life was that of a young Christian "from A to Z" (perhaps beyond "Z"). I knew I loved her but I was afraid of what might happen between us if we ever got married. I was afraid of what would happen that night on our honeymoon. I was very afraid, but at the same time I wanted her very badly. I knew that what made me feel like a man was "irresistible". I remember that the thought of her, at any time, even in the early morning, made her call me; even though she didn't know I was longing for her at that moment. My problem was that, as a Christian youth leader, everyone expected me to behave impeccably, immaculately, and irreproachably; they made me feel that I was almost holy, that what I lacked were the wings to become an angel; but they forgot that I was a young man, who already needed to become a man, and I found in Ivette the girl who "turned me on". The problem was that I had submitted myself to such a "holy" and chaste life, that my body could no longer resist "my celibacy". I was burning up. 203

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

I remember one day there in her house in Jájome, that while I saw her and talked to her I "came" (I ejaculated a little). When she noticed my wet pants, she laughed; she told me that this also happened to other boys at school with her. I mean, her sensuality made others, including me, ejaculate in front of her; I mean, we couldn't control ourselves. That's why my feelings for her were so conflicted and confused. By this time I would be about thirty-one years old. And I had not yet lost my "virginity". I had never wanted a girl as much as I wanted her before. She would say, "The doggie is very dangerous. I don't like dogs because they are very dangerous. You have 204

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

a very dangerous little dog"; referring to the fact that I had felt very excited that day. Another day, a Saturday morning, in Jájome's house, she was in her room, lying face down, speaking through the "CB" (Citizen Frequency Radio), when I entered her room and she saw me and said: "Go away from here, your little dog is very dangerous: You are very dangerous". The days went by. The new school semester 1987-88 had begun. Now I was teaching seventh and ninth grade English at Simon Madera School again. I had been reinstated to DIP. Ivette was in her third year of high school. The end of the first semester 1987-88 was approaching. As I mentioned, Ivette and I were no longer dating, but we were still together. This was the day of the students' Christmas party at school. I was there with them. My mind was haunted by the situation regarding Ivette. It was affecting me adversely. While the students were dancing to American music, "Disco or New Wave", I got involved and started dancing with one of my students - Rosa Rivera, from Blondet, who danced very well. I got involved in the music too. Some of the young people from the church's youth society saw me. Even Ivette and Elena saw me.

205

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

For my part, in my Christian life I continued to preach and do what I did in church. My message was always the same these days. I remember that on Thanksgiving night, Thursday, November 26, 1987, I was preaching. My message referred to the historical event when the founders of the first English colony in the United States, the Perigrinos, that first year of their arrival, many died from the cold, diseases and wars with the American Indians. The legend tells that there, where they were buried, they planted corn. Corn that next year would be their livelihood. That is, some died, so that through their death, others would live (that is, they fed on the corn sown on their graves). It was something allegorical, but the prophetic message was similar: I remember that I said: "In this church someone has to die, so that others may live. Someone will die, and his death will be life for others. Many perhaps did not understand this. I remember that I made the call. John was there, but he did not come forward. This was on Thanksgiving night 1987. From this moment on, an anguish began to reflect on my face. December 1987 arrived. The first school semester 1987-88 was ending, as I had previously indicated. There I was, at my students' party at the Simon 206

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Madera, trying to get out of my anguish, maybe in the wrong way, but the only one I had within my reach at that time, according to my problem-solving and crisis-overcoming resources. I was a boy facing manly situations. After this incident at school, Sister Rosa Rodriguez de Berberena, pastor for this time of the Pentecostal Church of Jesus Christ Inc. of the Marin de Guayama neighborhood, learned from some of the young men that they had seen me "dance" at school; they informed her and she sent for me. In an interview with her at home, she informed me to take a month off, and not to be active in the church during that month. In other words, she put me in discipline for a month, even though I was already an exhorting worker for the IPJ Council. Then she said that if I knew anything that was going on in the church, of unknown to her, I should inform her. I let her know that it was a very delicate situation and that I was expected to return from a spiritual retreat at Camp Ebenezer in Cidra, which I would attend that weekend (December 18-20, 1987); that I would ask the Lord to show me what I should do. That's what we agreed on. I would seek the guidance of God and the Holy Spirit. I went to the camp of the young Christian professionals of the association (A.P.C.A.). The pain 207

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

in my soul consumed me. The first night passed and I received no answer from the Lord. Saturday, the day of fasting, arrived and nothing. By the third day, Sunday, December 20, 1987, I understood that the answer had come. I understood that the Lord was telling me to talk to the pastor and tell her what I knew, or at least what I thought I knew. That she would corroborate the information and take appropriate action. I had spoken to Ivette before and told her that she had to tell her parents what was happening to her; what she was suffering, in silence. That if she didn't dare, I would be with her and support her. But she wouldn't dream of it, since her father, with the character of an army veteran, would "break her face". Her father was very strict and conservative, but her mother, who was a nurse and younger than her husband, was not. When I returned from "seeking the Lord's guidance", I managed to get to Guayama. If I remember correctly, I think I called Ivette and told her "what the Lord told me" to do. According to Ivette, it was not possible to resolve the situation by talking to the pastor, since she understood that she would not keep the matter confidential. I, innocent at last, was confident that 208

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

this would never happen, never! That Monday, the 21st, after school, I met with the pastor at her home. Francisco Berberena, her husband and former pastor of our church, was also there. I told her, crying, that it was not easy what I had to tell her, but that I understood that it was God's answer. Please keep my "confession" confidential. I said, "Sister Rosa, what I am going to tell you is not happening now. This happened while Ramon Alicea was pastor at our church. (It was already two years ago). Perhaps he knew about it, but took no action, if he knew what was going on. What I do know is that overnight (on a Sunday night during worship) he resigned from the pastorate, claiming that because of his work he could not attend church well" and left, leaving everyone with their mouths open and not understanding what he did, even though he claimed that he would not leave the church from us, only that he was resigning from the pastorate. I pointed out to him that there were a few situations that had happened, and they had not been brought to light. I informed him that the first thing was the unexpected departure of Anita "Anivie" Ledeé and her sudden trip to the United States; and all the negative comments that had been raised about such an event claiming that she had left because she was 209

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

pregnant. But that it was not known what really happened. According to Anita it was because she had lost her job. Then it was time to bring to light what Ivette had confessed to me the day she and I left. Please check with her and with Juan "Negro" whether what she had confessed to me and also to Elena was true. But that this was still hidden from the Church of the Lord. And that she was very affected by the situation, still unresolved. That she should maintain the utmost discretion about it. And I confessed to her what I knew. I still seem to feel all the emotional impact I was experiencing at that time. "I broke down in tears, because I felt that with my confession I was killing the one I loved most - Ivette. I felt, as I imagine, Abraham felt at the moment when he was about to sacrifice Isaac; the son of promise. His own son. His heir. I felt that I was doing the same with Ivette, my beloved. I was sacrificing her with my confession. Many thoughts came to my mind. I remembered the message of Thanksgiving night, the month before, when I understood that in a prophetic way, I had indicated: "Someone will have to die in this church, so that others may live. But I never imagined it would 210

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

be me. The Berberena brothers prayed for me and said, "Junior” (as they called me), don't feel guilty about what you said. Understand that the Holy Spirit would not leave you alone until you brought to light that "sin" that had been hidden for almost two years. After all, you didn't know for sure what had happened. That's why I told Sister Rosita to investigate and question both Ivette and Negro herself, to find out the truth of the matter. That I was only talking about what Ivette had confessed to me and that I understood that God had revealed himself to me in a dream. That Elena didn't tell me anything, but that she knew what was going on between Ivette and Juan. I told them that Elena was only crying and asking me not to leave Ivette, it was like I told the Berberena brothers, crying at everything she gives without controlling me, with her heart broken into a thousand pieces. They knew that I was very reserved "like a coffin" completely mute and had the confidence of everyone in the church. That this was not my wish, but that I understood that I had to confess what had happened, to avoid it happening to Elena as well as to Ivette, and who knows who else.

211

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

At that moment, Brother Francisco Berberena, in a very emotional way, said: "This must be discussed with Brother Cady and Sister Maria; if you (referring to Sister Rosa) do not tell them, I will tell them - this must be resolved". Sister Rose indicated to me that she would not allow this "sin" of mistreatment and humiliation; practically dishonourable, to remain hidden, and unresolved. That she would personally investigate with Ivette and John what happened. That in the meantime, she would take no part in the church, for one month. The matter exploded like wildfire. That same afternoon, when Ivette returned from high school (moments after I had left the Berberena's house), she passed by the Berberena's house. She had found out that "half the world" already knew about it. Angry, she went to the Berberena's house. There she confessed to them what she had confessed to Elena and me. As Ivette had told me, she could not be trusted to speak to Sr. Rosa, and so in a few minutes everything was known. They called Negro and told him to confess what had happened if he did not want God to kill him, since he kept taking part in the church, hiding that sin. And to be careful of Ivette's father, that if he took it, killed 212

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

him. It was already the last week of classes of the first school semester 1987-88. Ivette, along with Elena, went to my classroom in the Simón Madera, I think it was Tuesday 21st or Wednesday 22nd December. I don't remember the exact day, but it was in that week before the end of the school year. It was destroyed. In his anger, he said to me, "Damn you. You and I weren't engaged anymore; you shouldn't have said anything to Sister Rosa. I told you that she was not a person to trust. That's why I didn't talk to her before. Now everyone in the church knows. Anyway, nothing happened. They even gave me a complete physical exam and the doctor said that nothing had happened to me. She continued, "I was already receiving therapy with a psychologist at school and counseling to handle and resolve my situation with the counselor. She continued to cry and hit the floor: "You didn't have to get involved in this, it wasn't your business. Besides, I had trusted you and you betrayed me - damn you. She started punching me in the chest and continued to cry out in attack. I remember I distanced her from me, tried to suggest it, but she threw herself on the floor and hit the ground, screaming in pain. She said, "You have no idea how things are at home, because of you my parents are about to get a divorce 213

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

and my brothers are affected too. She went on to say, "I was working it out, you didn't have to come in and the church didn't have to. It was just a matter of time before everything was going to be resolved before I graduated. "Until then I was going to give him time to talk to me, but you messed up, you ruined everything. Now you're saying things that never happened, nothing happened! Nothing. Even at school they're talking badly about me," all because of you, for going to tell Rosa. At that moment, with anger, fear, so many confused feelings I replied: "You don't understand that God heard me and did a miracle in you. Now you won't have to explain to any other boyfriend that you have, anything that you went through. You are free from that humiliation, anguish, and oppression that you have been carrying around all this time. You are free to be able to love again and erase that traumatic and humiliating past. Angry, I spoke to him loudly. I tried to make her understand why I had revealed it only to Sister Rosita and Brother Francisco Berberena; that if anyone else knew it, it was not through my mouth. That he would support me and understand my reasons. She did not understand it that way. She threw herself on the floor again, crying and hitting the floor itself. 214

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

Elena tried to comfort her, but there were no words left to ease her pain. She was totally destroyed. During the following days, Christmas days, there was no joy in the church, in Ivette's family or in me. On Christmas night there was only pain; no one came to celebrate Christmas Eve or Christmas. There was only crying. I never felt happiness again. All I felt was pain, emptiness, rebellion and a sense of guilt for having sacrificed the one I loved most. I could not forgive myself for what I had done. I never imagined that I had detonated the bomb that was destroying so many people, especially Ivette and her family. There was no consolation, only pain and a sense of guilt without comfort. I spoke to her parents one night when there was a prayer service at their house. I told her mother that I loved Ivette and that I was deeply sorry for what had happened. That I wanted her to marry me. But Maria, her mother, told me that Ivette had been too hurt by the way I spoke to her that day in the classroom, when I told her that she was not worth anything, because she was the one who went to John's house, "Negro," that the things they did were wrong; what they did was because they wanted to, 215

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

even though they knew they were doing the wrong things. That she was also to blame for what had happened. Maria, his mother, told me that even when I said it out of courage, I had said it and that even when she knew that I still loved her (Ivette), now nothing could helped; I had spoken to her too loudly and hurt her too much. For the next few weeks I tried to support them by sitting behind them in church. They put me, Black and Ivette in discipline. Me one month, them one year. They also put another young girl, Judith, in discipline. The month passed, and I went back to playing the organ (keyboard), just once, exactly one month after I had been inactive in the church. But nothing was the same anymore. John had gone to the Church Christ is Coming Soon, for not completing his year of discipline. But he did not feel well there and decided to return to our church. At that moment Sister Rosa welcomed him. This very night I understood that I had no more business in that church. I decided never to return there. There was no longer any peace in me. There was no joy. I felt that God had failed me. That the 216

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

church had failed me. That it was all a hoax. That everything I believed in and lived for no longer made sense. No more, from what had happened. I had been used. I had died. The message I had preached a little over a month ago on Thanksgiving night, in which I had prophesied that "someone would have to die in that church so that others might live," had been fulfilled in me. I had died! Whoever it had been up to this point was no longer in me. I could not forgive myself for what had happened. For betraying the trust that Ivette had placed in me. I could not understand what had happened. I could not control myself. I was out of control of my nerves when I saw all the destruction caused by talking to the shepherds. There was only sadness in me. Or perhaps worse, I didn't feel worthy of feeling it. I was dead in life. I felt unworthy of living when I saw what I had become: a show without feelings or humanity. After three months, I decided not to go there anymore. I left.

217

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

CHAPTER EIGHT: TEN YEARS OF CURSE From then on, I withdrew from the church, and, although in an underhanded way, from the Lord Jesus Christ as well. This happened just at the beginning of 1988. The arrival of the New Year meant nothing to me. I remember that at the Annual Conference of the IPJ Council in January 1988 (I believe it was in the church in Guayanilla where Rev. Santiago "Chaguito" González was pastoring), or in Jauca, Santa Isabel, the Executive Committee summoned me and asked me if I wanted to move to another church on the council; so that I could overcome what had happened. They even wanted me to be promoted from Exhorting Worker to Preaching Worker. But this no longer meant anything to me. I felt that even if I moved temporarily to another church, evil was already sown. Sooner or later I would have to face a similar situation again. I told them no; let me go. They could count on me but not as a member of the Pentecostal Church of Jesus Christ, Inc. Sixteen years, fourteen of which belonged to my church in Guayama, had died with me.

218

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

For two months, February and the rest of January I went to no church. .

Charles W. Drees Memorial- First Methodist Church of Guayama. For three Sundays in a row I was watching the pastor of the Charles W. Drees Memorial Methodist Church in Guayama. In a dream I had seen this pastor who was always at the door, at the entrance of the temple. He went in and out throughout the service; and at the end he greeted everyone just as he did at the beginning. Three Sundays I watched him to see if it was a coincidence, but it was not; the dream was real. I no longer trusted dreams, so I watched him for three Sundays. 219

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

One Sunday, after the service was over at noon, Miguel Ramos, the teacher-guide of Simón Madera, saw me and asked me why I didn't come in. I told him I didn't dare because I didn't know anyone there. He told me to go next Sunday and be there on the same bench in the plaza. He would come for me and introduce me to the pastor, Reverend Bienvenido Güisao. That's how it was. I told him that I had watched him for three Sundays in a row and that I understood that he was the person I had seen in my dream. I did; and that's how I became a Methodist. That day, as I walked in, the pastor walked me to my seat. Joaquin Rodriguez saw me and said: "That boy who just came in is a terrible musician and we don't have a musician in the church." He also told them who I was. The pastor, in mentioning the visits, made reference to this matter. I remember that at the end of the service I indicated to the pastor that I was willing to play the guitar in the church, because I knew that the one who had taught me to play the guitar was God Himself; that it was something that belonged to God, but that I should not ask for anything else. I wanted to be treated like any new person in the church. I didn't want to have any privileges. I wanted to start "from the bottom". No matter who it was. He was new

220

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

there and wanted to get to know the church, its beliefs, teachings, etc. Next Sunday, Joaquín himself had gotten me a new guitar, since mine (which he had brought from New York) had been given to the brothers at the Pentecostal Church of Jesus Christ International, Inc. at Invi in Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic. This new guitar was an Ibanez, very expensive, of $600.00 with litmus colors in violet and green with a case of about $300.00 of cost. So here I began another life in search of restoring my spiritual life. One of the reasons that prompted me to move from the Pentecostal Church of Jesus Christ to the Methodist Church, in part was that I thought of Minerva Rodriguez Rodriguez, "Minny", continuously. I knew that being a Methodist now, it would be easier for me to approach her; to understand her, and perhaps for her to establish a relationship with me, if at all. Honestly, I thought about her a lot. I considered her to be a woman, who besides being physically attractive, inspired me with a certain degree of spirituality; for I considered her to be very spiritual, even though, as I said, she was a Catholic. I considered that she was now "halfway there". At some point, after I had stopped working in Bayamón, at the CUTB, maybe a year or so, one day, after returning from one of my appointments with 221

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

orthodontist Dr. Carlos Justiniano in Mayagüez, on my way back I passed by Quebradillas and was asking around town to see if anyone knew where Minerva Rodríguez Rodríguez, "Minny", lived. Finally I found someone who told me where she lived. It was a girl who was collecting money for some charity at the entrance of town, in front of the Ramos Funeral Home, if I remember correctly the name of that funeral home. The girl indicated to me that she knew her. That she lived in the San José neighborhood, after the park and before the neighborhood Catholic chapel. The first house on the left, as you go up a little mountain. So I got to Minny's house. "I caught her by surprise." She was in short pants, cleaning the house. I remember her brother telling her: "Minny, someone you know is looking for you." When she went out to the marquee, and saw me, she was "shocked." She began to tremble and said, "What are you doing here? How did you know where I lived? Who told you my address? I informed him how I had found her. I told her I missed her very much. That I wanted to see her, and I couldn't stand not knowing about her anymore. From that moment on, we kept in touch, mostly by phone. I remember that she asked me for many "tips"

222

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

for her Catholic youth group, to whom she gave religion classes in her church. I was thirty-one years old by then (March, 1988). I knew that something of God was still in me. But I already needed to erase all that past. I was not ready to be an active member of any church. I wanted to be just a visitor. I knew that I had a very delicate situation to solve. I needed to become a man! At this age I was just a child; a young man with no experience of carnal manhood; I was a virgin. I was not prepared to face the hard reality of not finding a virgin girl in the same church after what had happened previously in my life. I was no longer supposed to be a virgin. In these days, Noel, who was a friend and suitor of Armida Quilan, Lucía Ramos' niece and daughter of "Toya", was able to talk to me through Lucía; by phone. He noticed that I was too affected by nerves and my voice sounded shaky; I was depressed to the point that my hands and head were shaking and his words, although raw, were cutting: "You already need to take a wife. You've waited too long; forget the demands of the church and make up your mind to 'get well'; otherwise you're going to get sicker of the nerves than you already are. Understand that this is a situation where your body cannot withstand any more pressure. If you want, we can go 223

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

this Saturday to Villas del Abey in Salinas; there you can find a girl, dance with her and there are rooms right there, so you can have sex, because you need it. A young man who had known God only when he was thirteen to fourteen years old; that although I could have had the opportunity to "do it", I never did. Suddenly I am told to go there that night and without a second thought "go for it" with the first one offered to me... it was too much for me. I wasn't able to do that. I told Noel: "I can't do that. Remember, all my youth I've lived in the church and I don't have any sexual experience. Thank you, but I don't dare do that."

Photo taken on October 4, 1988 for renewal of my passport. 224

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

It was only a matter of time. Sooner or later I'd have to get out of this situation. I had to "fuck woman". I was no longer with anyone, although I was at the Honda Club in Guayama, and I went to different activities; weddings, quinceañeras, parties, etc. I didn't feel ready to "jump in" to sin. One night, I remember, I entered the "Black Angus" nightclub in Miramar, San Juan. It was my first time there. I felt guilty about going into a prostitution center; but I knew I had to. It wasn't about how I felt; I knew it was what I had to do.

I don't remember well the girl or prostitute I first "went up" with that night. The fee was $40.00 for her and $10.00 for the room. I was so nervous that I "didn't know how to do it right." Also, she didn't 225

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

know how to treat me like an inexperienced or a beginner. In fact, I didn't tell her this was the first time I'd ever had sex. It just didn't work. The second time I was calmer. I looked at all the "girls" and decided on one that really made me want to have it. She was a tall blonde with straight hair; about 5'8" to 5'10" tall with a beautiful body. I thought she was American, so I called her and spoke to her in English. But she told me she didn't speak English; she was Argentinean. Her name was "Viviana". I told her I wanted to "go up" with her; how much was it? She said $30 and $10. Ten pesos less, for half an hour. Viviana did give me my first sexual experience, even though it was my second. But she did it well. She was hot, she was cool. She was twenty-six years old. I was thirty-one. I was dressed in leopard-haired panties. I just fell in love with her. Then I was with her a few more times until I "got" confident and started climbing with others. "Susy" was the third. She was Puerto Rican, blackeyed, straight black hair, very "sexy". I remember her telling me that I was "un bellaco" (sexually ill). So I started an active sex life, but only with prostitutes or "sex workers". All my economic income was spent there, or in the "Lucky 7", "The Doral", but even when the "Black Angus" was the most expensive, there were the best "girls". 226

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

I was sinking deeper and deeper into my own grave. I always asked myself "why did what I was living have to happen?" But I just kept sinking deeper and deeper every day. I can't pinpoint the exact year; I think it was the summer of 1988, the last week of July that I went to the island of Aruba, for about four days and three nights. If I remember correctly, two of the nights I went to a place near the port area, at the end of the island, called Miraflores or something like that to have sex with the girls there. Now I remember well; it wasn't two nights, it was one. I remember that we arrived when they were already closing the house. So this "fuck" went pretty fast. At that time, I didn't protect myself with a condom; the girl didn't have one, and if they sold on the site, I was too late. I remember that with Viviana I had sex without a condom twice, well once, because the other time the condom broke because Viviana was quite tight. With "Alba" it also broke once. I remember that she told me that if I got pregnant, I would have to keep and acknowledge the baby. I remember "Alba" (fictitious name), Colombian, 28 years old at the time (1988). She was a beautiful girl; white, thin, dark black-brown eyes, long black hair and straight. I don't know how, but from the first 227

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

time I went up with her I understood that all I needed was someone like her, to love, accept as I was and be loved by that person. That's how I felt about her. "Alba", as she called herself, was someone special. So much so that when I saw her young, delicate body, I did not see her as a sex worker, but as someone who, although I met her at the Black Angus, was not from that environment, nor was I. By having sex with her I experienced a peace, a sense of satisfaction not only carnal, but spiritual. I felt something too beautiful with her. I hardly ever went up with others anymore; I was almost always with her. To make a long story short, such was the affinity between us that I would visit her at her apartment on McLeary Street in County. We went for a walk. I taught her how to drive a car and how to get her "fourth year" high school diploma through tests. We walked together and it was to her that I explained one day why I had "stopped" at the Black Angus. I told her that I was a young man raised in the fear of God and that I knew that even though I was in this environment, I found purity in her soul and I knew that she was not from that environment either. I identified with her very much. I told her that I had been on a missionary booster trip to Colombia in 1982.

228

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

She always told me that she had two children, that because of them she was in prostitution, because she had nothing to live on. I believed her. So much so that at Christmas 1988-89, when she was returning to her country, I bought her gifts for her two children.

My 1984 Camaro Z-28 When he returned in February, 1989, we still met. Time passed and the day of Hurricane Hugo arrived. Tonight I was at a wedding of a girl from Caguas, but that reception was in Levittown; it was an activity of the Honda Clubs of Caguas, Humacao and Guayama. It was just starting to rain. I had a Camaro, Z-28, 1984 in black. This was the "mascot" of the Honda Club of Guayama (I had changed it for the 1984 Honda Accord).

229

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

The girlfriend was supposed to go in a Cutlas Supreme, but she decided to go in my Camaro. I think tonight was the last time I was with "Alba", because after tonight "Alba" was not the same. Alba was called... I didn't have any children. She was married to a "...", federal customs employee at Luis Muñoz Marín International Airport (formerly Isla Verde). She had married this man in order to obtain American citizenship; but she did not want him. He was an older man, a "bad-haired" black man, and she treated him very badly. That he wanted her to quit prostitution, but she didn't want to. Even the apartment on Mc Leary Street was not his home. She was there living a "double" life; "Alba". In short, during the days of Hurricane Hugo (perhaps the most disastrous hurricane to hit Puerto Rico in recent years), she, having no one in Puerto Rico with whom to share, decided to go home with... even though she wanted nothing to do with him. In these days, which were quite a few incommunicado days from the rest of the world, without water and light, etc., she became pregnant by him.

230

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

Time passed and I met her again. One day she couldn't lie anymore. She told me her real story. And the saddest part was one day she went to visit her husband's parents in Ponce. He had told them who she really was, his wife. That she was a prostitute, and that he wouldn't recognize his son or daughter. From then on, there were no more lies in... (Real name omitted). I mean... (True name omitted) since she never returned to her old job: prostitution. I shared with her all those months of her pregnancy, helped her move to Carolina to a new apartment. I helped her feel like another person to the point that she decided to convert to the Lord and attend a Pentecostal church in Carolina. I was with her, but 231

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

we no longer had sex; she was no longer a prostitute she was someone else. I treated her like who she really was: a child of God, redeemed by her blood. Time passed, and I was with her until the day before she was taken to the hospital in Carolina to give birth. A child, who, for the sake of clarity, was the same face and characteristics as her father, (name omitted). She was his daughter. He later recognized her as his daughter. Years went by. She continued to frequent the abovementioned places. In the Christmas of 1989 I traveled to Venezuela. Specifically from December 27 to 30. I remember that my car, the Camaro Z-28, I left it in charge of "Alba" in the parking lot of her apartment until I returned from Venezuela. In Venezuela, I visited Caracas and the place where they were doing work on melted glass or Murano art. I remember that Alba gave me the phone number and address of a friend of hers there in Caracas. She also asked me to go and see if her apartment, which she had rented, was in good condition. But, although I tried to get the address, I didn't find this one. But I was able to visit her friend at the subway exit at the Pérez Bonalde stop. There I also visited the places where "Alba" came to "work". One was called the "Hutchinson" or something like that. I also went to another place two 232

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

nights. If I remember correctly its name was "El Doral", as well as the one in San Juan. The two nights I went there, I was always with the same girl. I don't remember her name; I just remember that there in Caracas, unlike San Juan, you could stay with the girl all night, if you wanted to. Obviously the cost was almost the equivalent of $80. I arranged to meet her in my room at the Caracas Hilton, but, for some reason, she didn't go. As she indicated, she had to stay with her grandmother, who was ill. This was the day I took the subway and arrived at the aforementioned station. I remember that when I bought the ticket or "ticket" to board the subway, when I passed by the lathe, I inserted it in the appropriate slot so that one could go to the waiting platform of the train or subway. What I didn't know was that you had to hold the ticket, in order to leave the subway terminal. I had to pay an additional Bolivar for having lost it, I was supposed to pay the whole route, according to one of the ticket sellers. I returned, as I said before, on the night of December 30, 1989. This night is unforgettable, because as soon as I arrived in Puerto Rico in the early morning of the 31st or the eve of the farewell of the year, it was the great tragedy of the Dupon Plaza Hotel in Condado. Some 96 people died, if my numbers don't

233

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

fail me, in addition to almost 300 injured by a fire that started in the kitchen area. As I mentioned earlier, my sex life became an addiction. I can't say exactly how many women I was with, or rather, had sex with. Many times I went up to three times in the same night. On one occasion I went up five times. I only remember a few of them: Carolina, who was a replica of Nydia Caro. Sometimes people confused her with Nydia in Plaza Las Americas. As with Alba, I was with Carolina many times. If Viviana was tight, Carolina was even tighter. I was fascinated by her body, her face, her legs; she was simply a beautiful woman. She was 34 years old when I was still 31. She called it her "place of sexual pleasure" "Maruca". If I had enough sex with anyone, it was with Carolina. She, like "Alba", was also Colombian. Many times I had sex without a condom with her. I wish to point out at this time that these Black Angus girls were healthy for sexually transmitted diseases, as they were required to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases quite frequently (every month). I remember Marta María, Venezuelan, divorced and mother of a son; a woman with a beautiful face. About 26 years old. Her legs were fat; full, like those of Laura Isette Collazo Padilla, that girl I mentioned in chapter one "My Childhood". She "always ran 234

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

away from me"; every time I tried to get close to her, she would always "get lost". So, when I was finally able to go up with her, it was an experience that seemed like it would never happen. I remember that Marta María also lived in the same building on Mc Leary Street. I imagine that I was very attracted to Martha Mary because she reminded me of Laura Isette. I taught Martha Maria conversational English, as well as Gimena, another girl, but I never "went upstairs" with her, as she was Martha's roommate. I remember Maribel, Puerto Rican, from Arecibo. Her mother had been "Miss Arecibo" at some point, perhaps in the '70s. Maribel was very cool, she had oriental features: slim, round and small breasts, with small buttocks, well gathered. I remember that she had been stabbed on one side of her belly. With Maribel I was ready to get into a formal relationship. I remember that the first night I was with her, she was about 22 years old. She was dressed as a Playboy bunny, along with another young girl, also named Carolina, from Venezuela. Maybe this one would have been about 21. She was well formed, athletic, light brown, with beautiful eyes and shapes. I remember she had a half-turned eye. I met both Maribel and Carolina, the young woman, in the "new" Lucky 7, next to a police station, in front of the public residential area that remains in the Fernández Juncos, in Puerta de Tierra.

235

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

One of the girls I remember from this time was "Tibizai", a little blonde with straight hair, light brown eyes. Tibizai, the night I first saw her at the Black Angus, at first I thought she was a girl accompanying two boys. It didn't look like she "worked" there. The way she was dressed was casual, with a long, white suit. She didn't look like a "girl". Tibizai made me feel like she was my wife. She was a sack of surprises, but in the best sense. With clothes on she didn't attract much attention, but when she "peeled low" she was another woman. She was insatiable. According to her, she said that with me she would "get wet" just by seeing me coming. She would say that maybe it was my skin or something in me that turned her on more than any other man. Tibizai was a medical propagandist in Caracas. He may have been more than 26 years old, but he didn't look it. Many times I proposed to him but his words were: "You are too much for me; I am down here, and you are up there". Tibizai, like many of the girls called me "the teacher". However, for that matter, Tibizai was the most prepared of all the girls, she was very careful when making love. She wore gloves and did not allow me to have oral sex with her. But she did like to "stick" to my member. According to her, I "drove her crazy". I remember that we always used the room 236

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

on the second floor of the Black Angus, at the far left. This was a small room that had a window, through which Tivizai sometimes, in which there were "raids", jumped to the ceiling and from there he threw himself to the side of the furniture store "Melissa Gallery", on the left side of the Black Angus. One night I was with her, and I had to help her "climb" through the window.

Maribel, years later in El Doral, confessed to me that she did not dare to get into a formal relationship with me because she believed that Tivizai was my girlfriend. I explained to her that although I had asked her to be, she never wanted to be. Later 237

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Tivizai returned to Venezuela and I never saw her again. How much I want to see her again. Maribel had a little girl. She lived in front of San Patricio Plaza. Since the age of 17 she had entered the world of prostitution, as she had left home with her boyfriend and had a little girl. Maribel was a drug user, cocaine, nasal route. Many times I told her that I loved her very much and did not want her to continue destroying herself with drug use. When she was about 28 or 29 years old, I was with her. Her body had changed; she had matured. Now she seemed like a beautiful lady. Her hair was very long and her thighs and hips were now much shapelier. I felt as if we were really married, matured in our relationship and that already at this stage of our relationship, it was honestly as if we had matured together. I remember that by the end, maybe by 1995 or 1996, she was terribly upset. She drank a lot of liquor; she got very drunk and she had gotten quite fat and out of shape. She had lost all her "composure". Then I didn't hear from her anymore. By June 17, 1990, I had established "contact" with Minerva again. If you remember, since the summer of 1987, the day I was with Ivette in Quebradillas, I called her at home, but she was not there. For this particular day, June 17, 1990, I remember that I 238

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

wrote her my first poem. First of a collection of ten, including a dedication to her village of Quebradillas in the form of a documentary. POEMA UNO: FOR MINERVA, MY SWEETEST SWEETHEART By: Pablo Fernandez Colon -

06-17-90

Mirada profunda y penetrante cautiva mi alma Insistentemente día y noche; cual espejo refleja Nítida y calladamente mis más secretos anhelos. Envuelve en un manto de silencio un caudal de Renuentes sentimientos de su ser sólo conocidos. Vibrantes en mi pecho, mas callados en mis labios Ante el temor de ser rechazado por ti - amor mío. Regreso en el tiempo y en el espacio en busca del 239

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Origen de tu mirada no olvidada y latente día a Día durante decenas de desvelos al pensar en ti. Retorno al presente y te encuentro más hermosa. Inicio un nuevo e incansable esmero de luchar Guiado por una fuerza inquebrantable de Un profundo amor añejado por el tiempo y la distancia Enloquecido por el temor de no atreverme tan siquiera a Susurrarte al oido: TE AMO MINERVA, TE AMO! Remonto mi pensamiento hacia el futuro inminente Orientado por un sueño de amor aún no realizado. Dirijo mi mirada a tus negros ojos en busca de tu amor Reservado; callado. Mudo. Con el deseo de Irrumpir gentil y sutílmente el portal de ese Gran amor que encierras dentro de ti; calladamente. Urgentemente me lanzo decidido en busca de tu amor, Esperando esta vez recibir de ti tu aprobación; Zafando de mí la timidez y abrigando la esperanza.

Poem One: FOR MINERVA, MY SWEETEST SWEETHEART

Profound and penetrating sight captivates my soul Insistently day and night; like a mirror, it reflects 240

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Neatly and quietly my most secret desires. Wrapped in a blanket of silence a torrent of hidden Feelings, known only by her herself. Vibrating in my chest, but quiet on my lips Because of my fears of been rejected by you - my love. I return on the time and space in search of the Origin of your unforgetable sight, latent day by day During dozens of sleepliness because of thinking of you. I return to the present and and I find you prettier. I start a new and tiredless effort searching for you. Guided by an unbreakable force of an unfathomable Love Vintaged by the time and the distance, Madden by the fear of not having the courage for, at Least, whispering at your ears: I LOVE YOU, MINERVA, I LOVE YOU! I move my thoughts towards the inminent future, Oriented by an unfulfilled love dream. I stare directly at your black eyes in search of your Reserved, quiet, mute love; with the desire for Bursting Gently and cleverly into the gateway to that great love That you enclose silently inside you. Urgently, I launch myself down fully decided in search Of your love, hoping this time to receive your 241

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Approval, throwing shyness out of myself, And sheltering hope. (Translated into English on December 7, 1992).

POEMA DOS: M I N E R V A MINERVA, Diosa Itálica de la Mitología Griega Inspiradora de la Medicina y protectora Nacional de los oficios y artes del Estado. Exaltada entre las Deidades Griegas Reconocida como parte de la Trilogía Eterna. Virgen pura, Guardián de la Salud. Alma de mi alma; Inspiración de mis versos. Motivo por el cual mi corazón se Inspira a dedicarte este poema Nacido entre mis más profundos sentimientos Entrelazado en mis más guardadas emociones. Realízate en mis versos, conviértete en el Vehículo de mis sentimientos y llévame Al encuentro del Pasado, Presente y Futuro. MINERVA, MINERVA, tu nombre es inspiración Inagotable ante la cual se rinde mi alma. Naciste para ser honrada, amada y Exaltada entre las Mujeres. 242

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Razón de mi vida, motivo de mi ser. !Ven a mi encuentro - Amada mía! Agárrate a mi pecho, escucha mis latidos. Mírame a los ojos, descubre mis Inagotables ansias de amarte. No me niegues tu amor profundo. Envuélveme en el río caudaloso de tu Reservado Espíritu apacible. Vibra en mi ser, llena mi existencia. Abrígame en tu pecho, hazme parte de ti. MINERVA, mi más brillante Estrella Irradia la luz de tu notable llama Naciente, brillante más que el sol Encendida más que mil antorchas. Resplandece en mi mirada. VORAZ INCENDIO: brilla, quema, Arde, consume el bosque de mi sentir. Mujer maravillosa, hembra codiciable Ilusión del más bravo de los hombres. Noche encantada llena de estrellas. Encuentro de dos mundos: del Real y del Soñado. VIRGEN TIERNA Y DULCE, ARTE VIVIENTE, MUÑECA VIVIENTE, DIVINA VELDAD. Mientras más te pienso, más te sueño. 243

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Igualmente enciendes la Llama de mi fuego inspirador. Nada apaga el destello de tu llama de amor en mí. Encarnas la más perfecta expresión majestral, Retrato viviente, óleo aún húmedo - de versos, Viertes en mí palabras cual colores y matices Armoniosos que plasman mis versos sobre el lienzo del Poeta-Pintor. Mis palabras se convierten en pinceladas de arte. Ininterrumpidamente, durante la noche te veo Navegando en la Barquilla de mi imaginación. Entreabres cautelosamente las Puertas de mi creatividad. Recurro a mi pluma tratando de Verte brotar de mis líneas de versos cual Aparición mística o espejismo sobre un lienzo de Versos llenos de amor; De mi AMOR por TI

Poem Two: MINERVA (ATHENAS)

MINERVA, Italic Goddess of the Greek Mithology Inspirator of Medicine and National protector of Numerous duties and Art Expressions of the State. 244

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Exalted among the Greek Divinities. Recognized as integral part of the Eternal Trilogy. Virginally pure, Guardian of the Health. Absolute Inspiration of my Verses; Soul of my Soul. Motivation by which my heart gets deeply Inspired and dedicates this poem to you. Newly born out of my most profound feelings Endurably interlaced to my most hidden emotions. Re-embody yourself in my verses; Transform yourself in the Vehicle of my sentiments and take me to the encounter of All my past, present and future. MINERVA, MINERVA, your name is an endless Inspiration at which my soul surrenders. Not in vain, you were born to be worshipped, Not in vain, you were born to be worshipped, Exalted and loved within women. Reason of my living; motive of my existence. Venerably, come and meet me - My love! Attach yourself to my heart, listen my heartbeats. Maintain your sight at my eyes, Discover my Inner and endless desires for loving you. Never deny me your profound love. Enclose me in the torrential river of your Reserved and peaceful spirit. Vibrate in myself, fill my existence. 245

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Accept being part of myself, get me close to your bosom. MINERVA, my most brilliant star Irradiate the light of your notable flame Newborn, much more brilliant than the sun. Enlighten much more than a thousand candle lights. Radiance at my sight Voracious Fire; shine, burn At the forest of my feelings. Marvelous woman, desirable female Illusion of the bravest man. Enchanted Night, full of stars. Encounter of two worlds: The Real and the Dreammed one. SWEET AND TENDER VIRGIN, LIVING ART, LIVING DOLL, DIVINE BEAUTY. Meanwhile, the much more I think of you, much more I dream of you. Similarly, you turn on the flame of my inspiration. Nothing extinguishes the blaze of your love in me. You Embody the most perfect and majestic expression of art, Real Living Portrait, still wet oil-painting- of Verses, leak words on me like colors and nuances, 246

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Armonious tones that plast my verses on the PoetPainter Canvas. My words transform into Art Brush-Paintings, I see you during the nights, continously, Navigating on the bark of my Imagination. Embracedly, you open half-way the doors of my Creativity. Rapidly, I take my pen and start writing down, trying to Visualize you emerging from my Verses like a Mystic Apparition or fallacy of vision over a papyrus full of....Verses of love. From my love for you.

Translated into English on December 13, 1992. © 1992 POEMA TRES: EN LA DISTANCIA Si mis versos inspirados tuvieran el poder de traspazar Los linderos de la distancia que nos separa Y pudieran hacerte venir a mi encuentro. Si mis líneas poéticas pudieran penetrar tu corazón 247

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Y hacerte sentir por mí lo que mi ser siente por ti, Sería el más grande de los poetas. Si mis fuerzas creativas tuvieran la facultad de Penetrar tu mente y en el mismo momento en que escribo Pudiera leer tu mente y hacerte saber, sentir, pensar como yo. Si con pensarte te tuviera, con imaginarte te abrigara En mis brazos y con desearte te acariciara tiernamente Ya no estaría solo porque tú estarías aquí conmigo. Si tuviera el poder de poseerte en la distancia Miles de millas de mar y cielo serían nada Porque aún cuando lejos te hallaras, Estarías tan cerca de mí, Cual está mi lapiz a la hoja en que escribo este poema.

Minerva, te pienso cerca muy cerca de mí.

Poem Three: IN THE DISTANCE July 24, 1990

If my inspired verses could have the power for 248

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

crossing over The borders of the distance that separates us And could bring you to my encounter If my poetic lines could penetrate deep into your Heart And could make you feel for me as I feel for you I would be the greatest of all poets. If my creative forces could have the faculty To penetrate your mind and in the same moment on which I write I could read your thoughts and make you know, feel and think like do. If by thinking of you, I could have had you, If by having imagination of you, I could have embraced you, and If by wishing for you, I could have caressed you subtly, I would not be in solitude because you would be with me too. If I could have had the power of possessing you in the distance, Hundreds of thousands of miles of sea or of heavens are Non existent because no matter even if you are far from me, You would be as close to me as the pencil is close to 249

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

The paper while writing this poem. Minerva, I feel you too close to me ALL THE TIME POEMA CUATRO: INDECISION 25 de Julio de 1990 Hoy ya hace una semana y un día Que dejaste tu hogar en mi patria Y te trasladaste a la tierra de la Fuente de la juventud. Saliste sin saber qué querías o qué buscabas. No diste seguridad de amor aceptado a nadie; Mas aún así sé que me piensas. Sé que mis últimas palabras a ti - mis líneas De versos - te extremecieron. Te hicieron temblar aunque no dijiste nada. Aunque callada, sé que algo pasó en ti Algo te extremeció y temblaste. En tu corazón algo cayó al suelo Y no te atreviste a recogerlo Talvés porque estaba yo allí. Sólo puedo imaginar lo que dirías O lo que hiciste al irme de tu hogar. Cuanto hubiese dado por ser invisible Y haberte visto reaccionar a solas. 250

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Quisiera estar en tu mente y corazón Para poder sentir lo que sentiste No importa cuan insignificante haya sido. Sé que algo sí sentiste, sea lo que haya sido, Sé que fue por mí.

Poem Four

Translated into English on March 20, 1993. INDECISION July 25, 1990.

As of today, already have passed one week and a day Since the day you left your home in my Country And moved in to the land of the Eternal Youth Fountain. You left home without having a clear idea of What you wanted or were looking for. You did not give any warranty of accepted love to Anybody But even like this, I do know you think about me. I certainly know, that my last words I spoke to you My lines of verses - made you tremble They made you thrill although you did not say a word.

251

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Although quiet, I know something took place upon You Something shook you and made you tremble. In your heart, something fell down to the floor And you did not have the courage to pick it up Maybe because I was there with you. I can only guess what you could have said Or what you could have done after I left your home. I would have given everything just for being invisible And have had seen your reactions when you were alone. I would like to be in your mind and heart So I could have felt what you felt No matter how insignificant it has had been I just know that you did feel something, Whatever it has had been, I do know it was because of me. Sincerely, Pablo Fernandez Colon Translated into English on March 20, 1993

Notes: I remember an incident that occurred on March 1, 1991. At that time I was an English teacher, eighth 252

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

grade, at Luis A. Rivera Urban Middle School in Guayama. I had been working at this school since 1989. That day I had written a poem for Minerva. I called one of my most dedicated students and asked her to read it and let me know how she felt about the poem. The least I could think of was the problem this poem caused at the school. Another student misunderstood what was going on and thought I was "falling in love with Luz, I don't remember her full name now. Oh yes; Luz Nereida, but I don't remember her last name. In less than an hour they had set up a "whole investigation" into me that bordered on sexual harassment of some of my students. All this was going on behind my back. They even made copies of the poem without my knowledge. When the school principal, Mrs. Lydia Rodriguez de Valentin called me and warned me of "everything the students involved had reported," I remember telling her: "By what permission have you dared to do this? And who gave her permission to make copies of that poem without my consent? Perhaps you can't read: it clearly says that it is dedicated to Minerva Rodriguez Rodriguez. Is anyone here Minerva Rodriguez Rodriguez? 253

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

They realized that I was about to take legal action against this whole baseless "investigative process. This was truly an undesirable and ill-founded incident. "But you shouldn't have given the poem to a student, a minor. You would have taken it to a teacher if you wanted to know her reaction to it as a woman. Replied Lydia Rodriguez de Valentin. I remember that this happened on a Friday, practically first thing in the morning (between 8 and 9 in the morning). I remember that later on I took the poem to my Methodist pastor, Reverend Bienvenido Güisao, who besides being a pastor and professor of theology at the Inter de Guayama, also wrote poems. He indicated that he found nothing improper or shameful in it; perhaps a little suggestive, but not explicitly so. The poem was later called "Poema Perdido" (Lost Poem) and I will explain why. Later I made a painting to accompany the Lost Poem, Poem Five. It said something like this, since it had to be rewritten from the charcoal paper that I managed to recover, after having made a carbon copy, as I was used to.

254

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Decía algo así: POEMA CINCO: TU RECUERDO ME CAUTIVA 2 de Marzo de 1991 Arecibo, Puerto Rico Eres más que un sueño o un sentimiento de ti; Salpicas en mi mente contínuamente cual gotas de Lluvia inquietantes que caen sobre el quieto estanque, Repleto de aguas claras y serenas, distorcionándose, Debido al lento pero contínuo caer de gotas de lluvia El reflejo de todo aquello que se mira en el fondo, Creando imágenes flotantes y momentáneas sobre 255

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

aguas Vivas, antes inertes, ahora vivientes, formando ondas Circulares que se distancian de su epicentro. Eres esas gotas de agua Que caen en mi pensamiento, revolteando todo mi sentir Haciendome pensar en ti aún cuando tú no lo quieras. Aún en mis sueños brotas cual gotas de agua que mojan Mis suenos haciéndote presente en ellos; Despierto abrúptamente ansioso de tenerte a mi lado, Y de ardientemente desear que no fueras sólo sueño, Sino realidad. Realidad viva y palpante en mi Vida y existencia. Vuelvo a dormirme buscando despertar y ver que estás Aquí junto a mi lado. Que no eres sólo un sueño. Que eres más que un sueño; más que un impulso del Subconsciente. Eres caudal impetuoso de bravos ríos, Cataratas incontrolables, generadores de energía Brindando nuevas fuerzas y deseos de vivir. Es que tu recuerdo me cautiva, haciéndome pensar en ti Aún cuando tú no lo quieras. Para MINERVA Rodriguez, De PABLO Fernández Colón NOTA: Reescrito el día 13 de junio de 1991 256

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

9:30 pm a 12:00 medianoche.

Poem Five

THE REMEMBRANCES OF YOU CAPTIVATE ME March 2, 1991 Arecibo, Puerto Rico

You are much more than just a dream or a feeling of yours. You sprinkle on my mind continuously, like disturbing Raindrops that fall over the still pond, Full of clear and calm waters, disturbing, Due to the languid but continuous raindrops falling, The reflection of whatever contemplates itself at its bottom. Forming floating and vanishing images over live waters, Once inert waters, now living ones; creating circular waves That move away from their center. You are these raindrops That fall over my thoughts, revolving my entire self, Making me think of you, although you have no desire for it. 257

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Still more, in my dreams, you spout up like drops of water That drench my dreams, becoming present in them. I make up, abruptly anxious of having you with me And ardently desiring you were not solely dreams, But reality. Vivid and palpable Reality In my Life and Existence. I go back to sleep, trying to wake up again and seeing you Here, besides me. Wishing that you are not just a dream; You are more than just a dream; more than a impulse of The subconscious. You are impetuous flow of courageous Rivers, Uncontrolled waterfalls; energy generators, Bringing up new strengths and desires for living. Undoubtedly, the remembrance of you captivates me, Making me think of you although you have no desire for it. For Minerva Rodriguez, From Pablo Fernandez Colon. NOTE: Rewritten (in Spanish) on June 13, 1991. Translated into English on March 27, 1993.

258

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

As I indicated previously, this poem marked a story, very peculiar in my life. On Saturday, March 2, 1991, on my way to an exhibition of old planes and parachuting at Arecibo airport, I decided to go there. By this time I no longer had the Camaro Z-28. Now I had a Mustang GT, 1988, imported, but "as a package". I had changed the Camaro in Agustin Lugo at the entrance of Rio Piedras for this Mustang. This was by chance, since I had taken the Camaro to repair a "Power Lock" chip that had been damaged, already for the second time. The Mustang had just arrived at the dealer and one of the salesmen told me if I wanted to exchange it for the Camaro and take it that same day.

Now the Mustang was the "mascot" of the Honda Club of Guayama. It was "beastly." In Guayama there were only two of them. One belonged to the owner of the Diaz Pond, and mine. We always 259

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

parked them one after the other, since the bakery was very close to the Luis A. Rivera School. The thing was that that Saturday, March 2, 1991, on the way to the Arecibo airport, I took my typewriter with me, and while I was watching the skydiving show, I passed it by. I remember that minutes before, I had been fined on the Arecibo highway. As usual, the guard who fined me kept my driver's license there. Well, anyway, the problems had started the day before at school. After I had clipped the poem, again, I proceeded to get it to Minerva at her house. She wasn't there. So I left it with one of her sisters, Zenaida. I had also brought her a gift, but now I don't remember what it was. I remember now; it was a painting I made. The "feeling" that I experienced after having sent her the poem was one of great comfort and satisfaction. I forgot all the bad things that had happened before that moment. I remember that on my way back to Guayama, I decided to stop by the "Pizza Hut" Restaurant in Condado to have a "meat lover", which was my favorite. As I mentioned at the beginning of the chapter, I was always alone; ever since I left the Pentecostal Church of Jesus Christ, when I was almost always accompanied by José Luis Colón Sáez.

260

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

At the time I was parking the Mustang in the parking lot of the Pizza Hut, there was a Toyota, an old man, with four young men inside. The place was not very well lit; it was a little dark, and obviously, dangerous. But all I could think about was Minerva and the poem I had given her. They pretended to come out of the parking lot. I had already parked the car and I was trying to get out of the car, when I opened the door and noticed someone holding a gun, a semiautomatic, silver one, right at the bottom of the door. This was an armed robbery - a "Car Jacking". It was a young man first. He had been hiding by the door while I was putting the "cane" to the car guide. My mind and heart were not there; they were in Quebradillas. Only Minerva occupied my attention at that moment. As I realized what was happening, I realized that I was being given a car jacking. Before this, in Puerto Rico such action was not considered a federal crime, especially if there was a death involved. So car jacking was not part of our common language in those days. Then the guy with the gun told me to get out of the car and give him the car keys, pointing the gun at me, my first reaction was to ignore him. I remember telling him: "What's the matter with you? What do you want? 261

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

But when I realized that he was not alone, but that there was another boy with him, I understood that he was serious about the assault. I remember being told to get down on the ground, looking down. While one was holding the gun over my head, the other one was saying: "Kill him, kill him, he's seen us." They looked nervous. At this point the third one arrived, while the one driving the Toyota had left the parking lot. They asked for my wallet. I told them to take about $40.00 that I had in it; but they decided to take the wallet, plus the car. I'm honest with you; I didn't feel afraid. I was so happy that I gave the poem to Minny's sister that "nothing mattered to me. What I did care about was that I had already done it; I had delivered the "troubled" poem. If I died at that moment, I would die happy. I felt at peace, after the storm the day before. You still seem to see me trying to walk in front of the Mustang, trying to stop them from taking the car. They accelerated the car and nearly ran me over with it. I let them pass, but immediately ran after them to warn people who were passing by. Believe it or not, 262

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

just a few steps ahead there was a police car. It seems that when they saw it, they decided to turn against the traffic on Ashford Avenue, in front of Walgreens Pharmacy and Pizza Hut. I remember someone telling me to go ahead and warn the patrolman. But, ironically, the cop wasn't in the car. Supposedly, he was chasing "a thief" who looked like he was going to steal another car there. Even worse, he was not a car thief. He was the owner; the car wouldn't start and he had rushed to the building across the street to look for something. The policeman thought he was trying to steal the car and "went behind" him. In short, the guard did not realize the real car-jacking of my car. When I started talking to the guard to report the theft, at that time another patrol car nearby had seen a black Mustang GT pull out against traffic and enter Diego's express and "go for the miles". At this point I informed the police officer: that's my car. After making the complaint, I was told that if they managed to catch him, they would bring him back to me there. But this did not happen. They couldn't bring the Mustang back. Even worse, to this day, that car is not known to have been driven. After the car jacking, David, my brother picked me up in front of the Pizza Hut, around 11:00 at night. The assault happened around eight o'clock at night.

263

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

This was definitely my first close encounter with death. Obviously a certain death. But God decided to give me the chance to keep living. Next Monday I told the school principal what had happened. The biggest problem was that inside the briefcase I had in the trunk of the car was the record of my students' partial grades. There were also Amway Networking documents, since I belonged to them these days. Later, someone found some of the documents in the Martin Peña Canal; they were thrown in the water. It was someone who was fishing there and, after rescuing some of them, he sent them to me by mail. The thieves must have thrown the case over the bridge of the pipe as they passed by. The days passed. Every time I felt someone walking behind me, the first reaction was to look back. I remember that one day, as I passed by the cinema in Guayama, I saw a "guy" who looked like one of the robbers. But it turned out to be one of my former students from Simon Madera. Every time I went out anywhere I was aware of every 1988 Mustang GT that passed me by. I remember that even in the car races at Salinas Speedway or "Puerto Rico International Speedway" one day there was one that looked like mine. But it wasn't. I went for a while without a car until about three or four months later I bought a 1991 Honda Civic, 264

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

white, "package". I remember that for that summer, I gave Minerva a ride to Luis Muñoz Marín International Airport (Isla Verde) to pick up her sister Brunilda who had come from the United States on vacation.

Painting I gave to Minny in 1992 Then I didn't hear from Minerva for a while; she had reportedly been unemployed and had gone on a vacation to the United States. She was supposed to be in Chicago, where she had been born and lived as a child before living in Quebradillas. 265

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

As early as 1992, for the summer of this year I decided to go to work with the New York City public schools. I made all the arrangements and paperwork directly from the offices of the "New York City Public Schools" in the El Monte II building in Hato Rey. I remember a Luis A. Rivera, who was the fingerprint technician to be sent to investigate if I had any criminal or penal antecedents. This one was negative, obviously. Thank God that when I was a teenager with my friends Pifito and Indio in Guardarraya, for the theft of money from Don Zifre, Pifito's stepfather, and later illegal purchase of the bicycles in Yabucoa, we were not subjected to any misdemeanor or criminal charge. As I pointed out in Chapter One: "My Childhood", Pifito, Indio and I never met again, the three of us, ever. By the time I was working as a teacher at Simón Madera in Guayama, (1982 and 1987), Pifito was already a school guard there. He had married Milagros Rodriguez, sister of my childhood friend, Pedro. Indio, on the other hand, had left for the army. As I also noted, Pifito died of cancer or AIDS in 1991. I saw Indio again one day in Coamo, while we were trying to get in to see the Marathon, maybe in 1999 or 2000. He had married and had two children, a "little Indian boy" like himself and a little Indian girl. His wife was also an Indian. He was out of the army, I think with the rank of lieutenant, and

266

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

was studying at the Inter de Guayama, Criminal Justice, if I remember correctly. Going back to where I left off; this Luis A. Rivera, in the next elections of 1992, was elected mayor of the municipality of Comerio, Puerto Rico. In this way, seeing that in Puerto Rico there was no motivation for me to stay, I decided to go and work as a teacher with the public schools of New York City, for two years 1992-1994, returning to New York twenty years after having been in the Bronx and having studied there for two years. And it was precisely at James Monroe High School, my school, where I was located, at my request to Luis A. Rivera and the interviewers both here in San Juan, and with Ivonne Medina, there at the Board of Education in Brooklyn, New York. As I pointed out previously, Minerva was now my inspiration, to the point that I even composed a documentary on Quebradillas, dedicated to her. Believe it or not, this was the first time that the title: "Coming Back to Life" appeared in my mind, without having the slightest idea of what this would mean years after I wrote it. This was the beginning of what at this moment bears the same name; my autobiography.

267

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

D O C U M E N T A L: DE REGRESO A LA VIDA: PARTE I Producido por: PABLO FERNANDEZ COLON 8 de Junio de 1991, Guayama, Puerto Rico. (25 de abril de 1992 Dedicada esta producción a la bella persona de: MINERVA RODRÍGUEZ RODRÍGUEZ © 1992. DOCUMENTAL UNO: DE REGRESO A LA VIDA I 8 de junio de 1991 11:00 pm. Guayama, Puerto Rico. Guajataca histórica y rica en herencia taína Rincón de mi hermosa Boriquén Conservadora de la raza Taína, Antiguos pobladores de nuestra bella Isla (Música) Tu túnel del Guajataca recrea un pasado glorioso de los años de conquista y colonización Española. (Música del Tren). Saliendo del túnel se aprecia el más bello valle verde y espeso, 268

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Rodeado de enormes montañas. Formadas por impresionantes rocas calizas Enmarcando un imponente paisaje Que desde las altas alturas Desciende a la costa abrupta de la playa Formando una barrera natural de grandes piedras y corales centenarios que sirven de arecife natural para aguantar las fuertes y grandes olas de un mar embravecido pero a la misma vez hermoso; repleto de varios tonos verdes-azules resplandecientes, que contrastan con las blancas olas que chocan con ímpetu contra el gran acantilado de piedras y plataformas calizas. (Música) En medio de las olas cercanas al arecife playero se levanta una enorme roca; inmobible ante las fuertes olas que chocan en un centelleo blanco salado por el brincar de las olas al explotar éstas contra la inconmobible roca; puesta allí de forma enigmática cual si hubiese sido rodada desde las altas alturas de las paredes amuralladas de formaciones calizas cóncavas-acantiladas, cañonísticas y tal vez, si se puede describir así, madre y protectora 269

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

de cavernas, grietas, cuevas y formaciones irregulares que surgen naturalmente cual fortalezas que impiden la entrada de extraños provenientes en naves, tratando de llegar a la playa-orilla; pero que una vez descienden sus tripulantes y tratan de llegar al hogar de los nativos indígenas, (Música) La naturaleza se une en su defensa, presentando un bloqueo infranqueable preservando intacta la riqueza humana y abundante flora verde que cubre y se entrelaza a esa impresionante pared natural. (Musica) A corta distancia del túnel Guajataca, Al ir hacia el norte-oeste del pueblo de Quebradillas, pasando por lo que hoy en día se conoce como el barrio San José, cruzando toda la verde valle-meseta, se llega, bajando por una angosta y precipitada carretera curvulenta, a la orilla-playa, Puerto Hermina, en lo bajo de la gran altura; allí, mejestuosamente se visualiza, contrastando con la gran montaña rocosa-caliza, el rostro tallado en piedra, del gran Cacique del Guajataca-Guarionex; impresionante su mirada hacia el mar; hacia el gran Océano Atlántico. 270

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Subiendo entre las rocas se llega a una cueva que tal vez fuese refugio del gran Cacique, lugar donde se aguarecía de las lluvias copiosas de los meses de junio a noviembre, periodo de grandes inclemencias climatológicas, y de seguro, de furiosos huracanes que visitaban la Isla, azotándola con gran furia. (Musica) NOTA: Prohibida la reproduccion parcial y/o total de todas o partes de este trabajo sin la autorización escrita de su autor y/o representante legal. Para solicitar autorización de reproducción y/o uso, diríjase a la siguiente dirección: 21st. CENTURY NETWORK ENTERPRISES INTERNATIONAL Urb. Blondet. H-168 Guayama, Puerto Rico 00784

*******************************************

271

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

D O C U M E N T A RY COMING BACK TO LIFE:

PART I

Produced by: Pablo Fernández Colón Junio 8, 1991 Guayama, Puerto Rico © April 25, 1992

DOCUMENTARY ONE: COMING BACK TO LIFE I June 8, 1991. 11:00 pm. Guayama, Puerto Rico.

Guajataca, rich in its Taíno legade and historical background. Small site of my beautiful Boriquén. 272

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Keeper of the Taíno race, ancient settlers of our beautiful Island. (Music) Its Guajataca tunnel recreates a glorious past of the Spaniard conquering and colonization years. (Music of the Train) Going out from the tunnel can be seen the most beautiful green and abundant valley, surrounded by huge mountains formed by dazzling limestone rocks, framming an imponent landscape, that, from the high heights comes down to the abrupt coast of the seashore, forming a natural barrier of enourmous rocks and centenary corals that serve as natural reef to hold off the strong and huge waves of a braveful but at the same time beautiful sea, full of a variety of blue-green brilliant tones that contrast with the white waves that crash with impetus against the great steep of rocksand and limestone platforms. (Music) Between the waves near to the seashore reef, an enormous and unmovable rock raises against the strong waves that crash with all their forces onto ir, breaking them up in a white and salty shimmer, jumping up from the waves when they explode against the firm huge rock, placed there in an 273

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

enigmatic way, like if it has had been rolled down from the high elevated rampart-walls of limestone formations, concaved-steeped, cannolike and maybe, if it can be described in this way, mother and protector of caves, craks, grottos, and irregular formations that raise naturally like fortresses that avoid the entrance of strangers who come in their ships trying to get close to the seashore-beach, but once they descend and try to arrive at the native-indians homes, nature comes into the natives defense, presenting an infrangible blockade, preserving, neetly, the human richness and abundant green flora that covers and interlaces unto the amazing natural wall. (Music) A short distance from Guajataca tunnel, going North-West to the town of Quebradillas, passing through what is nowadays known as the San Jose Community, crossing all the green mesetavalley, and descending by a narrow and precipitate curved road, on the low-lying land of seashore-beach, Puerto Hermina is reached. (Music) There, and contrasting with the huge rocky-limestone 274

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

mountain, the rock-shaped face of the Guajataca Cacique Guarionex, is majestically seen; His impressive glance looking toward the sea, the Great Atlantic Ocean. Climbing up among the rocks, a cave that maybe served as a shelter for the great Indian Chieftain, is reached; a site where he protected himself against the profuse rains during the months from June to September, season of constant climatologic inclemencies and also probably of furious hurricanes that visited the Island, whipping it with grand fury. (Music) NOTE: The fully or partial reproduction of one or all parts of this work is prohibited without the written authorization of its author or legal representative. For asking authorization for use or reproduction of this work, adress yourself to: 21st. CENTURY NETWORK ENTERPRISES INTERNATIONAL Urb. Blondet H-168, Guayama, Puerto Rico 00784

275

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

POEMA SEIS: DE REGRESO A LA VIDA II 16 de Junio de 1991 4:20 pm. Guayama, Puerto Rico

QUEBRADILLAS, Pueblo de gran leyenda, Lugar de riqueza histórica sin igual. Regufio de piratas, preservador de tesoros Escondidos. El tiempo transcurre, vertiginosamente. Mas visitar tus playas, cuevas, ríos, Lagos, túneles, y otros tantos lugares Recónditos, es como regresar a lo que Rue allí la vida en tiempos de la Colonización y pre-colonización española. Pensar en lo que sería la vida allí Es todo una aventura. Es desear Remontarse en el tiempo a cinco siglos Atrás y ser testigo ocular del Desenvolvimiento de la historia. Sean las palabras ese vehículo que nos Remonta al origen de tu historia - Guajataca. Sean las líneas escritas el canal en el Tiempo y espacio que nos ubica En el preciso momento en que Cristobal Colón 276

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Te vió por primera vez. Sean mis versos y prosa la llave del pasado, Que abre las puertas selladas por el tiempo De tu riqueza cultural e historica. Sean mis sentimientos hacia ti el combustible Que me impulsa a iniciar esta gran aventura. Sea mi prenda de suerte el gran amor mío Hacia una preciosa Quebradillense, la soga fuerte Y resistente que me sujete todo el tiempo De esta gran travesía en el tiempo y en el Espacio por conocer más de ti, Quebradillas. Sea su amor correspondido y colaboración El ancla en que se afinca mi corazón Para seguir a toda marcha y sin desistir De esta gran aventura que se inicia en esta Página escrita, y que aún al pasar el tiempo, Quede este escrito como el testimonio de la Fuerza del amor y la inspiración, el sello Del profundo afecto de un ser casi regresado De la muerte, revivido por una fuerza eterna Y creadora, mi contribución a la posteridad Del sentir romántico-nostálgico que me inspiró A escribir: "DE REGRESO A LA VIDA". Dedicado su contenido RODRÍGUEZ RODRÍGUEZ

MINERVA

277

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Poem Six

COMING BACK TO LIFE II June 16, 1991 4:20 pm. Guayama, Puerto Rico.

QUEBRADILLAS, Town of great legend, Site of outstanding historical richness. Pirates shelter, preserver of hidden Treasures. Time passes, dizzily. Yet, visiting its beaches, caves, river, Lake, tunnel, and many other undiscovered Places, it is like returning on the time To the Spaniard Colonization and PreColonization Years. Thinking on what Life must had had been there years ago Is an adventure at all. It is like Willing to go back on time to five Centuries ago and being a witness Of the course of the History. Be my words the vehicle that takes us Back to the origin of its history - Guajataca. Be my written lines the channel on the time 278

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

And space that places us on the precise moment On which Christopher Columbus saw you by the First time. Be my verses and prose the key for The past, that opens the doors sealed by the time, Of its cultural and historical richness. Be my sentiments towards you the fuel That impulses me to start this grand adventure. Se my lucky charm the huge love of mine For a beautiful Quebradillian Lady, The strong and resistant rope that holds me all The time during this great journey on the Time And space for knowing more from you- Quebradillas. Be her corresponding Love and collaboration The anchor on which my heart is propped up, in order To move speedily ahead and without giving up From this grand adventure that is begun on this Written page; and although Time has elapsed, This writing shall remain as the testimony of The Strength of Love and Inspiration, as the Seal Of the profound fondness of a human being almost Recalled from Death itself, revived by an Eternal And creative Force. Be it my legacy to Posterity Of the romantic-nostalgic feeling which inspired me To write: “COMING BACK TO LIFE” The contents of this Writing is dedicated to Minerva Rodriguez Rodriguez. Translated into English on March 27, 1993. © 1993. 279

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

The summer of 1992 arrived and I decided to leave for New York. Flor, after all the fighting, received her "green card" for her daughter, who was born in Puerto Rico, and the daughter of a Puerto Rican. She went to Colombia and I didn't see her again until Christmas 1992, when I came on vacation to Puerto Rico, when I found her and her little girl, who would have been about three years old, by surprise. I remember that the little girl asked Flor if I was her father. "She should have been your daughter; for her, you are her father. She (Flor) said, "I should have stayed with you. I remember that that night I met Flor, it was in front of the Black Angus; I was coming out of there, when Flor saw me and called. As I said before, Flor was no longer "Alba", that is, she was no longer a "sex worker". She was now a "taxi driver" for the same girls who "worked" at the Black Angus and the Doral. Flor was a mother, a working woman, in a job worthy of a respectable lady and of honoring her little daughter. I remember that she now lived in the multi-floor building in front of the Black Angus, behind the Clarion Hotel and Casino (by this time the Clarion was closed). The Clarion Hotel was remembered for its famous restaurant, at the Penhouse, "Windows of the Caribbean".

280

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

After this time, when she took me to her apartment to see her little daughter, I never again, to this day, saw or heard from her. New York 1992-1994 For two years, 1992 to 1994 (September 92 June 94), I was working as a teacher at the school where twenty years earlier (1971-1973) I had studied my 10th and 11th grades of High School: James Monroe High School in the Bronx, New York; (1300 Boyton Avenue), getting off the #6 train to Pelham Bay, on Elder Avenue. I interviewed at the office of the New York Public Schools located in the El Monte II condominium in Hato Rey, Puerto Rico.

As I pointed out earlier, I remember the fingerprint technician, Luis Antonio Rivera, of Comerio, Puerto 281

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Rico, who for the 1992 elections, was elected mayor of his town by the New Progressive Party (NPP). I took both the written and oral exams; I got 100%. So since I met practically all the requirements of the New York Board of Education, I had an easy transfer. As I indicated, from the interview process in Puerto Rico, I let them know my desire to work at James Monroe, since I had studied there. The 1992-93 school year began and I was at the Luis A. Rivera Junior High School in Guayama during the month of August, 1992. I requested sick leave (without pay) for the rest of the 1992-1993 school year; effective August 31, 1992. I remember that another teacher, Maria Rodriguez de Nieves (formerly Mrs. Rodriguez de Fung), also did the same. But she was leaving for St. Croix, Virgin Islands. From the offices of Hato Rey, through the interviewer I made contact with Emma Teta, an Italian lady who rented apartments in Jackson Heights, Queens, N.Y. I told her the day I would arrive there. In these same days, before I left for New York (September '92), I requested a loan from the Puerto Rico Teachers' Retirement Board for $3,000.00 to cover my expenses during the first months of my stay in New York.

282

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Arriving at the James Monroe again was extraordinary. There I met one of my teachers; Ms. Albano who we called Miss "The Toilet". I recognized her name when I saw it on the door of one of the lockers in the ESL office. The director of the Department was from Yabucoa, Puerto Rico: Peter Miranda. When I interviewed him, I told him that I was proud to be able to work at the school where I had studied. I didn't have any problems adjusting, because I felt like I was in the same school. I remember that first day of work; the faculty meeting of almost 200 teachers in the school theatre. There was still the old secretary who had worked there twenty years before; she was "just like old". I was very happy to meet Ms. Albano; she remembered me too. Two years I was her student and two years, twenty years later I would be her coworker. My roommate was an accountant, born in India and raised in Pakistan: Zaheer Sidiqui, "Mr. Zee". We hit it off very well. During the two years I lived in Queens, we shared the same apartment; 1023 92nd Street, between 5th and 6th Avenues, 90th Street. Near Junction Boulevard, taking the #7 train; quite close to La Guardia Airport and Shea Stadium (NY Mets Park); also close to the US Open (tennis).

283

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Near me was Joaquin Puntonet, from Aguadilla, Puerto Rico, a pilot who was laid off during the 1992 Eastern Airlines strike. This was due to the air traffic controllers, who were on strike and many of the pilots joined their cause. He was also a teacher from Puerto Rico, although he was not a teacher. Joaquín played a very crucial role in my life, because through his second wife, Monserrate (Monsi), a nurse, I met the person who would later become my girlfriend: Wanda Yadira Silva Sánchez, Miss Aguada Television, 1993. Wanda was a close friend of Monsi and through Monsi, I got to know her. I will talk about Wanda later.

Zaheer Ziddiqui, “Mr. Zee” 284

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

If you remember, since working at the CUTB (Bayamón Technological University College) of the UPR (University of Puerto Rico), (1985-86), I had known Minerva "Minny" Rodríguez Rodríguez, from Quebradillas, Puerto Rico. Before I went to New York, I knew that she had been fired from the Pfizer factory in Barceloneta, where she worked as a computer programmer. I knew that she was going on vacation during the summer (1992) to New York, to her sister Brunilda "Bruny"'s house. What I didn't know was that she had stayed in New York. One month away from me, I was in New York. (October, 1992), I decided one night to ask "Zee" permission to call Quebradillas; to her parents' house to hear from her. The surprise her brother gave me was the following: "You haven't seen her? She is also in New York and lives in the Bronx. He gave me her phone number. If I remember correctly, I think I already had the number, through the New York phone company, but I wasn't sure if that was it. So I decided to call. I think she was not at home when I called; there was only the message machine; "You have reached the number of Brunilda Rodriguez; at this moment, I'm not at home, but you 285

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

can leave your name and phone number; I'll call you as soon as possible". I don't remember if I called or not; what I remember is that I was sure that "Minny" was going to call me that very night. As soon as her brother gave her my phone number in Queens; she would call his house (in Quebradillas) that same night. (If I remember correctly this was a Monday night, about seven o'clock at night, when I called her house in PR). "Sidiqui" invited me to the "Fiddle and Bow" Club, but I told him I wasn't leaving until Minny called me, because, as I said, I was sure he would call. And so I did. She called me that very night. When "Zee" came in he saw me very happy and I said, "I told you, she would call me, and she did it." I played her part of the recording of our conversation. From this moment on, I mention Minerva because I understood that this was the time and the favorable circumstances for a love relationship to emerge between her and me. I knew that she had left her last boyfriend and was living with her sister. I spoke to her on the phone several times. I "recorded" almost every conversation. Her birthday was approaching on December 14. I had arranged to visit and share with her. But she always 286

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

had an excuse for not seeing me. So I decided to send her an arrangement of a dozen red roses to her work at Pfizer in Brooklyn. She received them.

Primera nevada 1992 en Queens, NY. When he saw that you were coming from a flower shop in Jackson Heights, Queens, he knew it was me. Later that night, when I was already in bed, I don't know how I got up to pick up the phone and heard his 287

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

voice on the message machine. When I went to get it, she had already hung up. She told me that she would call me later to visit her, and that the flowers were beautiful. I'm sorry that what happened in our meeting was nothing like what I thought would happen. I would see her before I left for Florida to visit my sister Letty and her family. I would bring the gifts she was going to mail to their home in Quebradillas. I remember it took me over two hours to wrap the two gifts I gave her. One of those gifts, I asked her to open it the afternoon (almost night) of Tuesday 17, Thursday 19 or Friday 20 December 1992, I do not remember the exact day, maybe it was Tuesday 22 December, last day of work at school, but I can not specify the exact day, but I remember clearly that it was my last day of work at school, to start the Christmas vacation 1992 or "winter break"; that is when I could finally visit her. I wanted to be with her for as long as possible. So I decided, instead of waiting for her at the train stop #6 to Pelham Bay - Middletown Road, when she arrived, I decided to go to her work in Brooklyn; before she left. So as soon as I left the school, with everything and packages (or covers) with her gifts, I took the train to go to Brooklyn. But something happened. The "G" train from Queens to Brooklyn had a problem and was not arriving at Queens Plaza (train 288

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

station). Seeing that I was late, I took the #7 train back to Times Square and from there took another train to get there. I did, but I arrived later than I had intended. Zee had told me to call her an hour before she was due to leave (3:00 p.m.), to let her know that I would pick her up from work. But due to the "rebolus" of the "G" train, I called her about fifteen minutes before four, as she was leaving. She told me that since she didn't know that I would pick her up in Brooklyn, an old co-worker that she had first at the World Trade Center, had already offered her transportation (pon), since she would also be taking some packages and didn't like to go by train; much less with packages. Everything was ruined! "Well - what are you going to do? I'm already here," I said. She said: "OK, come. I'll explain to my 'friend' that I'll go with you by train," because "he" knew that I would be visiting her that afternoon and that I was the one who had sent her the flowers at work. That's what she told me on the phone, but that's not what happened. When I got to the factory lobby in front of the building, there was a car waiting outside. I already knew who it was: it was Juan, her Dominican "friend". He had been there before me and, to the 289

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

best of my knowledge, he had "ruined my date with Minerva". I went into the reception office or "lobby" and waited for her. As we left together, she said, "This is Juan. But, instead of doing what she had told me she would do, she agreed to let him drive us instead. But, that first, he had to stop by his work, pick up some boxes, take them to his apartment in Manhattan (in a basement) and then go to Bruny's house. He wanted to make conversation with me, but I was already upset. But that wasn't all; it would take about forty minutes by train to get to the Bronx, but it took him THREE HOURS! To get there-from four to almost seven at night. But that wasn't all: I helped him take the boxes down to his apartment myself. After those three hours of "lost" travel, he stayed there in Bruny's house until after NINE o'clock that night. Even at this point I could not resist any longer. I talked to Minny. I took pictures of her. We got the first present, which was an autumn coat in zebra or leopard skin simulation. Bruny prepared the meal (baked meat - leg). After we ate, Minerva's "friend" John said, "I got to go. I have to see the grandson of

290

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

my mother. (I have to go, I have to see my mother's grandson). After Juan left, Bruny and her boyfriend, along with Minny, took me to Jackson Heights, Queens. Brunny's boyfriend had lived around there, so he knew my address. I couldn't stand it anymore. That's where the fight came from. I told Minny, "You disrespected me." She told me why I said that. In the end, she didn't know I was going to get her her job. "I know that." - I told her. But I didn't mind that John brought us. What bothered me was that it took almost THREE HOURS, and then she stayed there for about TWO MORE HOURS. I was furious. I said, "Let it be the first and last time you put someone else in front of me, knowing that you had an appointment with you.

291

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

“My sister has her boyfriend and she invites friends over too" - she answered me. At this point we were already in front of the house where I lived. It was Christmas time. Minny told me: "It's Christmas time, let's not spoil this moment". But I was so upset that I told her: "Look at me, you're the one who's missing the point you failed to respect me." This was the first time I saw her cry. Her sister and her boyfriend had gotten out of the car to get the trunk gifts out of the car. They left us alone in the car. Zee drove by and went up to the apartment, but he didn't know it was Minny there. I remember that Minny told me, if I wanted to, not to take her presents to her parents' house in Quebradillas. But I told him that I did; that I had promised him and I was going to do it. That I was sorry for what had happened but I couldn't resist anymore and so I "burst". I got out of the car. His brother-in-law helped me carry the boxes up, along with Bruny. We said hello to Zee. When Bruny and her boyfriend (I don't remember his name) came down, Zee was happy, thinking everything had gone well. But it was just the opposite. I burst into tears and told her that I had fought with Minny on the way home. He invited me to go to Fiddle and Bow to forget everything and calm down. I remember that I was so 292

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

upset that even with the cold of about 30° F it was, I didn't even close my coat because of how "hot" I was. The next day I left for San Juan, Puerto Rico, via Orlando, Florida. From there I rented a car to visit my sister Letty and her family in Jacksonvile, Florida. This was on Christmas Eve, December 24, 1992.

Letty and Papo with their grandchildren and me. Dec. 24, 1992

Vecky and Damaris, my nieces. 293

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Before I left Queens, I asked Zee to call Minny later and ask her to excuse me. He called her on Christmas Day and talked to her for a while; she listened. He told her everything I had done; how excited I was to see her, how long it took me to wrap the presents about two hours - and how much I loved her. I had to rethink it. That her (Minny's) biological clock was nearing its limit, that is, that she understood that it would be good for her to marry me; I had a good job, good pay, and that I would be a very good husband to her. That in this time of sharing the apartment with him I had told him about the poems I had written and given him (her) that very night. Anyway, that she should reconsider me. As soon as I arrived in Puerto Rico, after visiting Letty and her family in Jacksonville, Florida, the other day after arriving in Guayama, I went to visit Minerva's parents in the San José neighborhood of Quebradillas, Puerto Rico I showed them the pictures I had taken with Minny at Brunny's. Have them send them to Minny. What her dad, Don Juan Rodriguez, told me is that I should have warned him (Minny) and not show up to him so surprised. With his words I understood that Minny had told them what had happened.

294

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

I gave them the gifts that Minny sent them. I remember that they (her parents) gave me a very big bed (papaya) to make it into candy. My courage lasted about three months, until March 1993. To all my family and friends who talked to me, all I talked about was what had happened that night (the visit to Minny, and then the fight). From then on, all I did was make things worse between Minny and me. I remember that on New Year's Day (January 1, 1993) I called Brunny's house and talked to her (Brunhilde). I told her that I had simply "exploded". That she should forgive me for what had happened. She told me that Minny was very sad about what happened, but in her heart she was very grateful for me; for how much I had helped her. She hoped that things would work out between Minerva and me and that I would come back to visit. I told her that the photos had gone well and that I had brought the gifts to her parents' house. That they were okay. It is almost ten years since this happened (1992-2002) and my heart still hasn't recovered. I cannot yet accept having lost her, for she was my whole life, my inspiration and desire to live. When I returned to New York in January, 1993, I did so many things to try to make things right, but 295

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

everything was "upside down". I sent her an envelope on February 14, 1993, with a tape of the recorded conversations and a song by Juan Gabriel that said "don't treat me like an enemy, I'm not. Then I tried to talk to her one day and called her at her job at Pfizer in Brooklyn, but she got upset and told me that she didn't like the Juan Gabriel song and the tape. But that wasn't the worst thing; all the worst was afterwards. On February 16, 1993, from 12:01 a.m. until 12:41 a.m., I wrote her the last poem: "Tiny pieces of love", together with the "postcard" photo of the painting I had done for her, in which part of the poem appeared in the form of an acrostic (poem two, Minerva).

296

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

PEQUEÑOS PEDAZOS DE AMOR Febrero 16, 1993, 12:01 am. Pequeños pedazos de amor es todo lo que soy Diminutos fragmentos de un pasado gigantesco amor Residuos del verdadero y eterno amor Que se fue con el viento de un mal ciclón Nadie imaginaría que éste que escribe Hermosos versos adorando al Amor esté tan vacío de Lo que bellamente expresa como la esencia de la vida La que le niega su presencia al corazón y alma mía. Pequeños pedazos de amor es todo lo que en mí queda Expresado en rimas y profundas en el corazón, canciones Recordando los días cuando alegrías y esperanzas a flores Pero, hoy en día, tristeza, amargura, y un corazón que espera. El recuerdo de una rosa roja, rodeada de versos nacidos En mi corazón, agonía de la que fue mi inspiración y los Deseos de mi vida. Atormentado por los pensamientos De una pelea no deseada; tratando de olvidar, en vano 298

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

La noche de nuestra partida. Aún así me sigo diciendo Que, nunca yo deseé no amar más a la Reina que mi Pensamiento conquistó. Esperando día tras día el momento deseado En el cual Ella ciertamente llamará. Pequeños pedazos de Amor es todo lo que, finalmente, soy.

RECORDANDO EL GRAN AMOR DE MI VIDA: MINERVA Pablo Fernández Colón 12:41 am.

TINY PIECES OF LOVE February 16, 1993 12:01 am. Tiny pieces of love is what I am Small fragments of a former giant Love Residuals of the true and everlasting Love That is gone with the wind of a bad damn No one would ever imagine that this who writes Beautiful verses worshipping Love is so empty of what 299

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

He so beautifully expresses as the Essence of Life That denies its presence in his own soul and heart. Tiny pieces of love, is what in me remained Expressed in rhymes and profound heart songs Remembering days when all was happiness and hopes, But nowadays, sorrows, sadness, and a broken heart that waits. The memory of a red rose, surrounded by verses born in my heart Agony of what my inspiration was and desires in life Tormented by the thoughts of that undesired fight Trying to forget but in vain, the night of our strife Indeed, I keep saying to myself, that, sincerely, I never did want Not loving anymore the Queen that conquered my thoughts Waiting day by day the moment on which she shall call Tiny pieces of love, is what I, finally, am. REMEMBERING THE GREAT LOVE OF MY LIFE: MINERVA Pablo Fernandez Colon 12:41 am. This really "topped it off” on her. She wrote a letter on March 22, 1993 and sent it seven days later, March 29, 1993. I received it on March 31, along with the poem and the portraits (three copies) of the 300

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

painting, and it ended our "friendship" of more than five, almost seven years (1985-1992). This is her letter (written in Spanish) 3/22/93 Pablo: Cuando te conocí en la Universiad de P.R. en Bayamón, junto con Jackeline y Millie, siempre estuvo bien claro que el único interés de mi parte era establecer una amistad. Por esa razón únicamente permití que te siguieras comunicando conmigo. En el transcurso de nuestra amistad yo tenía novio y seguí hablando contigo porque entendí que había un respeto entre nuestra amistad y recibí muy buenos consejos profesionales, de tu parte, lo cual agradezco mucho. Y si me comuniqué contigo en New York era sólamente con ese propósito de amistad, pero te haz pasado de los límites. Me haz faltado el respeto hacia mi dignidad y mi persona; le haz faltado el respeto a mi familia que tanta confianza te brindaron y le haz faltado el respeto a Juan que hoy día es mi novio. Me siento ofendida, y siento tener que decirte que nuestra amistad se terminó debido a tus propios actos. Si tú de verdad me aprecias como dices, por 301

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

favor no me molestes más. Permíteme tener un buen recuerdo tuyo, porque de lo contrario es hostigamiento y no quiero que se convierta en un problema. Enfoca tu atención, en tantas otras cosas que tiene la vida. Busca a Dios. Ten la intención dirigida en agradar a Dios en todo. Levanta, pues, los ojos al cielo. Escribe, lee, canta, gime, calla, ora, sufre con valor la adversidad; sólo para la gloria de Dios. Un día, que sólo Dios sabe, vendrá la paz... y tu felicidad con otra mujer.

Buena Suerte, Minerva. This is the English transcript of her letter Pablo: When I met you at the University of P.R. in Bayamon, along with Jackeline and Millie, it was always clear that my only interest was to establish a friendship. That's why I only allowed you to keep communicating with me. During the course of our friendship I had a boyfriend and I continued to talk to 302

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

you because I understood that there was respect between our friendship and I received very good professional advice from you, which I am very grateful for. And if I communicated with you in New York it was only for that purpose of friendship, but you have gone beyond the limits. You have disrespected my dignity and my person; you have disrespected my family who trusted you so much and you have disrespected Juan who is my boyfriend today. I feel offended, and I'm sorry to have to tell you that our friendship is over because of your own actions. If you really appreciate me like you say you do, please don't bother me anymore. Let me have a good memory of you, because otherwise it's harassment and I don't want it to become a problem. Focus your attention, on so many other things in life. Seek God. Have the intention to please God in everything. So raise your eyes to heaven. Write, read, sing, groan, be silent, pray, suffer with courage in adversity; only for the glory of God. One day, that only God knows, peace will come... and your happiness with another woman.

303

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

Good luck, Minerva Among other things she said that I had misunderstood the relationship between us, that she was just a friend, that she was grateful for everything I had done for her; and that I had gone too far. That I had disrespected her family and John, who was now her boyfriend. That I was ending our friendship. The other day, I immediately went to the "G" train stop or station at Queens Plaza at about 4:14 p.m., just as she was arriving there to catch the "R" train for 149th and Lexington in Manhattan. I approached her and asked her to forgive me and to allow me to go with her and talk to her. I remember that on this day, Thursday, April 1, 1993, I did feel destroyed, but the pain I felt in her was greater than mine. She told me that it was okay; that I could go with her and talk to her. She told me that she was very affected by everything that had happened; that she could not function well in her work and that I simply felt an illusion for her. For the first time, I understood that if I really loved her, I had to "leave her alone" and that it was not what she thought (that I had an illusion about her) but

304

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

that I had been stubborn and was affecting her too much. At this point I told her that I hadn't been able to sleep all night and that all day at work all that was on my mind was finding her and asking her to forgive me. And that it had to be that very day. She said it was okay. I asked her about Brunny. I accompanied her to the 125th where she would take the #6 train to the Bronx. Many days passed. I wanted to see her again. I called her one day during Easter week (Holy Thursday). She was upset again, to the point where she told me that even her boyfriend was not allowed to call her at work. I remember saying to her, "All this week I have been in God's presence and all I ask is that you allow me to see you again," that if anything, she had not forgiven me; that I had apologized to her and that she wanted things between her and me to work out. That if she wanted me to apologize to John, she would tell me when and where". She told me that until that day she didn't know how I had gotten the direct phone number from her desk at her factory job. I didn't tell her how it went. (It was just that Zee one day asked the phone company for

305

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

information until she made sure they gave her the number that communicated directly with her.) In those weeks before this Thursday, I took notes to the letter of what I was doing. 1- I spoke to Bruny on Tuesday, March 16 and informed him that I would send Minerva a postcard of the painting I had done for her (in January 1993) and the poem "Little Pieces of Love" (February 16 in the morning). 2- The mailing was done on Wednesday afternoon, February 17th. 3- On Monday 22nd March Minerva writes a letter ending our friendship; she clarifies her friendship with me and returns the postcards and the poem "Pequeños piezas de amor", "Tiny pieces of love". It also includes a prayer and some words of spiritual advice. 4- He sends the envelope "Priority Mail" with the letter on Monday, March 29, 1993. 5- I receive your envelope with the letter on Wednesday, March 31st. I understand that your letter represents the end of everything and a future of pain and misery. After I have thrown myself down and groaned before God, I read first the prayer you sent me, and then your letter. 6- I do not sleep a single second tonight (Wednesday, March 31, 1993).

306

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

7- I ask God to grant me to meet her tomorrow in Queens Plaza. (Thursday, April 1, 1993). 8. When I return from school and cash the check, I go to Queens Plaza, meet her, apologize to her and ask her to allow me to accompany her so that we can discuss and clarify everything. 9- On Friday, April 2, I go to Brooklyn; I did not see her there. I go back under the stairs of the Queens Plaza train station and there she is. She sees me, she changes her face. I keep going, I didn't think I'd find her there 4:58 pm, (+ or -). I sit on a bench. I take the "F" express train or the "E" via uptown. She sees me when she takes it and changes her face again. 10- Monday morning, April 5th, I leave a note for Zee in case I don't return to the apartment alive. At school I prepare another note and carry it in my pocket. Purpose: to leave phones to call when my body is taken out in front of the "G" train on the tracks that afternoon (4:14 p.m.). I am fasting that afternoon, (since Saturday, April 3, 1993). 11- God gives me strength and I think she has a vow before God; although I don't know. 12. When I arrive, after praying and moaning, I take the two notes and burn them on the stove in the apartment, as a sign that I am changing a destiny of death for one of life. 13. On Thursday, April 8, I call her at work and tell her that I called her because I have been

307

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

before God these six days and that he will let me know when I can see her. On Sunday, April 11, 1993, Easter Sunday, I decide to write down what has been happening and the words I have received from the biblical inspiration. Day 1: (Saturday, April 3) - 2 Peter 1:3-11 Day 2: (Sunday 4 April) - Psalm 32: 8 & 9 Day 3: (Monday 5 April) - Genesis 22: 9-14 Day 4 (Tuesday, April 6) - Ruth 1:16-17, 3:10-13,18 Day 5 (Wednesday, April 7) - Ruth 4: 9 and 10. Day 6: (Thursday 8 ) - Jeremiah 32: 42, 44 final. 33: 20, 21, 25 and 26 final. Isaiah 10:27. Day 7 (Friday 9) - Exodus 14: 13, 14, 16, 2122 and Proverbs 18: 22 Day 8: (Saturday 10) - Esther 4: 12-16. Joshua 6: 11-16, 20. Day 9: (Sunday 11) - Day of Resurrection Matthew 8: 23-27. Mark 4: 35-41. Luke 8: 22-25. The next few days, before I returned to Puerto Rico in the summer of 1993, I met her face to face again at Queens Plaza. She told me to stop chasing her. I told her that I was not chasing her; I had simply met her. This day I was driving to Leffers Boulevard, to 308

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

the Pentecostal Church of Jesus Christ International, Inc. which is pastored by my brother, friend and fellow countryman (Guayamés), the Reverend Dr. Quitim Silva. In these days I frequented his church a lot, since I needed a lot of spiritual support to carry my burdens. We had a short and light dialogue, for the last time. Zee told me that what was happening was that she was controlling my mind and that's why I was meeting her even though I didn't necessarily want to meet her. This happened several times: at Queens Plaza, on 125th and one day on the exact platform where she was getting off - Middletown Road Station. She was getting off the train. I would walk in and she would walk out the door of the car. The last time I saw her was days before I returned to Puerto Rico in the summer of 1994. This was at 149th and Lexington, at the end of the platform. She was wearing a pair of semi-long pants (knee-length) and was waiting for the "R" train uptown to go to work. But she did not see me. To this day, September 5, 2000, I have never seen or spoken to her again. If she ever reads this biography, I want her to know that I never again felt about anyone as I did about her. That I would want to live again and meet 309

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

her in another life, if only to ask her forgiveness... again.

Minerva Rodríguez, “Minny” From then on, my life became more and more a curse; a curse that began on Christmas 1987, when everything began in the middle of Christmas, and now, followed the curse of this Christmas 1992 in my life; a curse that lasted for five more years; always on Christmas, I followed it from this Christmas of 1992, increasing more and more until 1997, thus arriving at my great crisis in 1998, a year later, precisely on Minerva's birthday, December 14, the day I died, once again, December 14, 1998.

310

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

CHAPTER NINE: 1992 TO 1997 - MY LAST MISFORTUNITY

In the month of April 1993, the day I met Minerva at Queens Plaza on Thursday, April 1st marked a historic, perhaps crucial, moment in my life. Perhaps it was more than that; it was surely a mystical moment between life and death itself. Our last "face-to-face" encounter was around the summer of 1993 before returning to Puerto Rico. We had a short and light dialogue, for the last time.

At this moment that I met and spoke with her, for the last time, I felt that this Queens Plaza train station in New York City would be a testimony to everything that had happened 311

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

between her and me in New York. It was here, where one Monday morning, April 5, 1993, I left a note for Zee in case she did not return to the apartment alive. At school I prepared another note and carried it in my pocket. Purpose: to leave phones to call when they took my body from in front of the "G" train on the tracks that afternoon (4:14 p.m.), time when Minerva was returning from her job at "Pfizer" in Brooklyn. As I pointed out, I was fasting that afternoon (since Saturday, April 3, 1993). The intention was obvious: to end my life. Two years earlier, on Saturday, March 2, 1991, while I was in San Juan, Puerto Rico, after having taken a poem to Minerva's house that same afternoon, on my way back to the parking lot of the County Pizza Hut, I was given a car jacking. This was an encounter with death. As I told you in the previous chapter, I didn't mind dying, because what I had to do, I had already done: get that poem to Minny. As one of the assailants put his gun to my head, threw me to the ground, and one of his fellow assailants said, nervously, "Kill him, he's seen us. Kill him, kill him," I did not lose my life at the hands of those three assailants (the fourth had stayed in the car and left the parking lot). Now, two years later, I had made the decision to kill myself. This day, Monday, April 5, 1993, at my job at James Monroe High School in the Bronx, I was trying to understand intellectually why Minerva had rejected me. I couldn't accept it. To me, she was the person God had chosen for me; a 312

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

person for whom I had prepared for more than five years; practically seven (from 1985 when I met her to 1992). I had left the Pentecostal Church of Jesus Christ, Inc. I was now a Methodist. I wanted to be able to strike a balance between Minny, who was Catholic, and me, who was, until then, Pentecostal. I remember that afternoon of April 5, just before 2 p.m., when I asked one of my students, who was Catholic, if he believed in "vows," that is, more than what it was to make a "vow" to God, according to Catholics. That if it was possible for a person to be able to lie to someone rather than break his vow with God. I don't know if Minny had made a vow to God. What I felt at the time was that maybe this was the reason why she never accepted me because I had made a vow to God not to get married; to consecrate myself to him in body and soul. I don't know if this was true, but I do know that this possibility that she had made a vow was the explanation for what had happened between her and me. I remember coming back to my apartment that afternoon on April 5, I got down on my knees before God and asked Him not to let the devil make me commit suicide; to give me the ability to understand and accept what was going on. I didn't understand anything that had happened. I remember that, crying, I took those two suicidal notes, lit the stovetop and as they turned to ashes, I asked God to 313

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

destroy all that spirit of confusion and suicidal tendencies that bound me. I thought of my mother; how she would accept that her last son, the youngest, the one she gave birth to in the middle of a storm – just after St. Clare (Santa Clara -Betsy), months later, on November 19, 1956, when she looked so bad, has committed suicide. God filled my life with his presence and broke those suicidal bonds. I chose to live. I began to attend the church that Reverend Quitim Silva pastored on Liberty Avenue in Queens, N.Y., the Pentecostal Church of Jesus Christ International - CINIPEJE. That last day I spoke with Minerva at Queens Plaza I went to the church in Queens; pastored by Quitim and Rosa Silva, his wife, herself a Maunabeña; as well as me (we were both born in Maunabo, Puerto Rico). Later I managed to get the phone number of Edna Rivera Agosto in Sabana Grande, P.R., to invite her to come to New York. I wanted to hold a national meeting of former IPJ Council youth leaders there at the Queens church. I spoke to Quitim. He agreed. They got me letters of authorization for Edna, who this year was the Island President of the Youth and Ladies "Ambassadors of Christ the King" Department of the IPJ Council in Puerto Rico. I was able to speak with Zaida Diaz who had also been National President of the IPJQ (1993) in New York.

314

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Rev. Quitim and Rosa Silva By this time the relationships of fellowship and brotherhood between the council in Puerto Rico and New York were not good. The reason was a situation that arose at a youth convention in Puerto Rico (July 1990), where Sandra Lugo, President of the New York Youth, was not allowed to preach at the event, even though it was on the program. 315

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Sandra Lugo, 1984 If you remember the story, Sandra had been very fond of me since the first day I met her at an IPJ Council activity (Asambiea Annual) in Puerto Rico (summer 1984). I always remember that I told her: 'I don't know you, I don't know who you are, but I feel a very special love for you' and I gave her a kiss on the cheek. When I decided to hold this Ex-Youth Leaders' Meeting for the summer (May, 1993), the one I thought would attend the most was Sandra Lugo.

316

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Olgui prays for Sandra, 1984

1st night of the ex-leaders' meeting in NY 1993 I knew she was no longer a member of the IPJ 317

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

council, based on what had happened to her in Puerto Rico. I was not on the IPJ council either, but I wanted to vindicate her. That weekend came, Edna came and preached the first night. Many leaders and former leaders were there, but Sandra was not there. Sandra was the second night. When I left the temple, together with Zaida Diaz, Reverend Rosa Silva and Edna Rivera, I told Sandra Lugo: The one I wanted to see here was you and for you I made this meeting happen. I have not seen Sandra since, but I know that she is doing a doctorate at New York University (NYU) and that she is serving God. As for Edna, she had returned those days from the Amazon area in Brazil and intended to return to Brazil again. I remember that afternoon, almost night, I felt "in the clouds". I was not coordinating my movements well and my mind was going blank. As I talked to Edna on this second day of the encounter activity, it was Minerva that I saw in Edna. Also, the quiet way in which I accepted what she was telling me was as if it were happening with Minny. I invited Edna to dinner at the "Tierras Colombianas" restaurant in Jackson Heights, Queens. I remember that we ordered a "paisa tray" that contained a wide variety of meats and food. We returned to the temple by taxi as we were late. 318

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

There we met Sandra Lugo.

Sandra and Edna The summer of 1993 arrived and I came to Puerto Rico on vacation. I was taking pictures of some villages that were still missing or that the pictures taken before had not turned out well. If I remember correctly, for this summer the replicas of Christopher Columbus' caravels were in the docks of Old San Juan. I photographed them. Later I made a 319

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

painting of them, leaving in front of one of the sentry boxes of the walls of the old colonial city (El Morro and the Castle of Santa Catalina - the Fortress).

I don't really remember what else I did this summer. I 320

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

didn't have a car and I was dependent on my sister Ruth to lend me hers. I returned to New York in early September, but this year, 1993, classes didn't start until almost two weeks later. The only thing I remember saying to myself was that if I had known, I would have stayed longer in Puerto Rico. This was my last year in New York, 1993-94. For Christmas vacation 1993 I came to "the Island" again. It was by then that Joaquín Puntonet had stayed in San Antonio, Aguadilla, P.R. I visited him that Christmas and it was in his house that they told me about a friend of theirs: Wanda Yadira Silva Sanchez.

Wanda Yadira Silva Sanchez, Miss Aguada TV 1993. Photo taken at the Miss Puerto Rico TV pageant, Dec. 4, 1993. 321

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Wanda was Miss TV 1993 from Aguada, Puerto Rico, her hometown. I remember that the times I tried to meet Wanda I never succeeded. 0 she would arrive at Joaquin and Monserrate's house, Monsy, his wife and I had already left or I would arrive when she had already left. On the last visit to Joaquin and Monsy, I left a business card so that if she (Wanda) wanted to call or write me, she would. I returned to Queens, N.Y., on January 2, 1994. A few weeks later I received a letter from Wanda. I remember that I answered her the same one. Later I sent her some pictures of me. A few months passed and one night, April 11, 1994, Monsy, her friend, called me on the phone. She indicated that I was related to Wanda, her friend. He informed me that he had been in a car accident and was very ill. I was "shocked", dumb. I wrote down the information from the hospital where she was confined. I called her home. If I remember correctly, I spoke to her stepfather. Her mother was in the hospital with her; the Mayagüez Medical Center. As soon as I had all the exact information, I sent her a flower arrangement, ordered over the phone, to a flower shop near the hospital. 322

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

After that we communicate again. He sent me some photos that still showed the glass cuts he had received in the accident and informed me that he had broken a hip.

The day we communicated by phone I let her know that the letter I was writing to her at the very moment she had had the accident, at the moment Monsy called me to give me the news, if she wanted to receive it I would send it to her; but she should forget about its content since at this moment it was more important her recovery than to listen to words full of hate and disappointment included in that letter. That was the beginning of a brief friendship between Wanda and me. About a month later, she told me she 323

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

didn't know what was going on with her. So she decided that night to confess to me something that had happened to her more than a year ago. She had been raped by a man in love and was in psychological treatment for this trauma. I told her that this was not a reason for me to reject her, because I had discovered in her a very willing, optimistic, cooperative and efficient girl. So that night we became engaged from afar, and without even knowing each other in person; only through letters, photos and on the phone. I think this happened on the night of May 1st, 1994. We continued to communicate daily by phone, for long minutes. This last, a big problem. The monthly phone calls exceeded hundreds of dollars - to which we had to make adjustments in the length of those calls - they ranged from 80 to 120 minutes. We agreed that at the end of the 1993-94 school year, in June of '94, back in Puerto Rico, I would first stop by her house to meet her. That's how it went. She booked my ticket with Felix Flores at the Rafael Hernández International Airport in Aguadilla and booked a hotel for the weekend in Aguadilla. The day I arrived, she, along with two of her best friends and fellow students - a young married couple videotaped our first meeting as I arrived at the airport. I remember that we were both wearing white that day. 324

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

When I saw her, the "cart" for carrying my luggage turned around. It was a great encounter. I stayed in Aguada this weekend, and she, along with her mother and stepfather, took me to Guayama next Monday. There they met my parents and "Happy Guao Guao, my little dog. I remember that together we bought a little car; but it was a great car. It was a Mustang Mach 1, '71. It was all frosted, so we called it "la carcachita".

La carcachita, Mustang Mach 1 1971. "La carcachita" brought back fond memories for both of us. It was originally light blue, but by the time we bought it we didn't know exactly what color it was; from yellow, grape, red, brown stuffing, what else. I remember that I myself gave her tinplate and paint at 325

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

home and we almost painted it at her house, but it rained and we couldn't paint it there.

Christmas 1995, Mach 1 freshly painted

Mustang Mach 1, 1971 (graphics were added long after: 1995) I remember three things about this car. One, I put a big loud speaker on both sides of the car, the horn, which sounded like Wanda's "grill boyfriend"; she being my "grill girlfriend". The nickname came up 326

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

one morning when I went to pick her up and she was all disheveled, just starting the morning. It was common for me to stay in Aguada some weekends by then. A second memory of the carcachita was that by then Wanda was working at the new Walmart store in Isabela and I went to look for her to walk her around her "reign" there, beyond, yes, Mount Atalaya. Near her "court". She was not ashamed of being a former beauty queen, riding in her royal carriage, the little carcachita, and scaring people with her horn as she passed by; we did it with the intention of seeing them jump out of their skin with the roar of the sound of the royal horn. The third memory of the carcachita was its driver, the grill boyfriend. Grillito, I already told you that it came from the shaggy bride, the grillito bride. Grillito sang to her that morning: "Grill bride, grill bride, with your hair disheveled but still a royal princess, my grill bride", in allusion to a bolero that said: "My bride, my bride". In these days Ruth, my sister, married Jorge Soliván, who was a prison guard. Wanda and her mother attended the wedding. There, I remember that we danced together. Up to this point, everything was "cool" between us. I remember that several times I stayed in a hostel on the main street in Aguada, in the 327

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

residence of a former teacher, now an invalid. I remember that there was a staircase elevator in her house, steps away from the lodging. She lived on the second floor, downstairs it was a store, I think it was a clothing store. This way Wanda and I shared a lot. The school year had already started and I didn't go back to New York, I stayed in Puerto Rico; this, because we had plans to get married. They called me from James Monroe in the Bronx but I told them I wouldn't be going this year. Up until this point this relationship was almost a fantasy, and I describe it in a somewhat particular way. As I said before, I started calling Wanda "my little grill bride" to what I was her little grill boyfriend. At first it all seemed like a court game; Grillito was a commoner who had left his village and was the real "chauffeur" or "coachman" of the royal carriage at the court of Miss Aguada TV 1993. A few days later, when they saw his loyalty to the throne, they made him "Caballero Grillito", a real gentleman. At first Mr. Fernandez answered all calls to the royal bride, but soon after Grillito answered the royal messages to the grillita bride, in the absence of "Mr. Fernandez", the professor of letters; a very important gentleman, the boyfriend of the royal princess. He 328

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

was a very busy lord and one of great respect and appreciation throughout the kingdom. But he no longer treated the little grill bride as he once did. I remember that sometimes Wanda, called Mr. Fernandez, and if she did not get him in her court in the city of Bruja, Guayama, she would locate him wherever he was in the whole Boricua Continent. She did so from her court in Aguada by telephone to the James Monroe School there in the big city of skyscrapers, "the Big Apple"; that is, the Big Apple. At first this was a reason to rejoice the groom in the distance. In faraway lands. But when the groom arrived to the lands where he was born, he grew up and later became a great lord, Maunabo, his hometown and his second city, Guayama; since as we know, Pablo Fernández Colón, last son of don Pablo, farmer and fisherman, and doña Luisa, teacher, had been born in the small town of Maunabo, known as the "pueblo jueyero" or the "ciudad tranquila", and who lived since 1973 in the big city district, the "lugar grande" Yucayeque of the Great Cacique Guamaní. Wanda, on the other hand, was from the Guateque of the great Cacique Aguada, near the Atalaya Mountain. Near where the great admiral Columbus made his "watering holes" - fresh water intake - at the mouth of the great Aguada River in 1493. 329

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

What I mean is that he was now fed up with the "chavienda" of Wanda's persistent calls, which did not leave him alone and chased him from number to number, no longer to the James Monroe extensions, but throughout Guayama, Arroyo, Salinas or wherever a close relative of Mr. Fernandez lived. That's how Grillito, always very cordial and elegant, answered the calls. So much so that Grillita would say, "I want to talk to my real boyfriend, Pablo, not you, Grillito. Grillito would inform her that Mr. Fernandez was not there, but that he could attend to her in his absence. In this way Grillito was one day recognized as "Caballero Grillito or "Sir Grillito", while Mr. Fernandez became more and more emotionally distant from the real bride, Wanda Yadira 1ra. I'm not saying that Wanda and I couldn't have come up with something concrete. What I do admit is that I was too full of hate and mistrust - I didn't want to be with anyone - even though I know that she loved me very much and her mother was a tremendous person and gave me a lot of support - Mr. Fernandez told Wanda Yadira. Wanda would tell Grillito that he was very good, but that her boyfriend in reality was not him, Grillito, but Pablo. That Grillito was just a fictitious character; 330

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

that the real boyfriend was Pablo. I remember that I, Pablo, one day, crying, said to Wanda: "It's not like that, Wanda. Grillito is not a fictitious character, Grillito is me; I know that he is me in another time, in another moment of my life, so I feel it, he is an "I" not yet materialized in real time". Obviously she insisted that he was just a fictional character, based on the legends of the middle Ages. But Pablo, that is, I, if I, Pablo, Grillito, whatever, I don't even know who's talking anymore, I, Pablo, Grillito, both of us, who knows? I knew in my heart that these were not stories based on the legends of the Middle Ages, it was my future that Grillito represented, in all fidelity and reality. Virginia Sanchez, his mother, had told me all along how difficult this whole process of recovery and restoration was for Wanda - both physically and emotionally. Her words of support for me were also constant. Wanda was very much in love with her prince, Pablo, but Pablo, that is, I, was no longer who I had been months before, years before; I was already falling, that is, falling in disgrace, my last disgrace. I remember that I always told Wanda to avoid having differences with me in days that were already marked by crises, days that seemed to be cursed for me; 331

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

March 1 and 2, Thanksgiving and Easter or days close to it, and the beginning of Christmas; always at Christmas, starting in 1987. But it was inevitable, close to those days I would spend some moments of discord or rejection of her. I remember that one day she said to me: "What have I done to you that you treat me with contempt and repugnance, especially when we are alone?" I told her that she was not the problem, I was the problem was me, and she could no longer stand me. These days I had anal bleeding frequently; I had to go to the bathroom a lot, and I was very irritated. Almost all the time. I couldn't stand it anymore. I would unload that discomfort on Wanda. She was paying for the broken plates as we say. About ten or eleven months later we left each other. I asked her to do it myself, since I was not in a position to be with her or anyone else emotionally. If I couldn't stand myself, I couldn't stand her. I remember that we went to the monument to Christopher Columbus at the mouth of the Aguada River, where it is stated that it was through this monument that Columbus arrived at the Island of San Juan Bautista "to make watering cans or drink drinking water". There, facing the sea, one evening, as the sun went 332

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

down and set on the horizon, we gave each other a kiss, hugged and left each other - loving each other. A few days after the end of Holy Week 1995. Yes, this was after April, 1995, as I had been working with DIP or DE again since August 1994. Since the classes had started and I was late in getting paid, as usual at DIP, I think by then it was called DEP, Department of Public Education (D.E.); the last savings from my NY salary had been exhausted. I remember well that by October 1994 I was working with the Institute of Banking and Commerce, and I went to Maunabo High to teach the classes, at night.

Alfonso Casta Martínez –Maunabo HS I remember that on my birthday Wanda came to the classroom with her friends from EDP College in San Sebastian and they brought me a cake. Yes, it was those same ones, the couple in the video when I arrived at Aguadilla airport last summer. 333

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Pablo's 38th birthday, Saturday 19 Nov. 1994 (the Thursday before Wanda went to Maunabo with her school friends). In the end, it was all over between us, sometime around Easter 1995. Wanda and I got to communicate some time later when she had already gotten another groom after me (and Grillito, don't forget) and needed to get a horsedrawn "carriage", as her wedding would be the oldfashioned one, at the time of Grillito's life. I got her the number of the Calezas de Ponce, and she told me she needed a photographer, but I told her I couldn't do it, since it wasn't right for her exboyfriend to take her picture at her wedding to another guy. 334

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Las calezas de Ponce - Ponce's shims We didn't communicate again until Christmas 1998, but the story was different from the one we lived together between 1994 and the beginning of 1995. The time between 1995 and 1997 was practically "more of the same". I continued to frequent the night clubs "Black Angus", "El Doral", "Lucky Seven", "Hawian Hut" and the "Miramar Night Club" - at present, in 2002, all those places were destroyed and/or closed. Only their memories remain; the memory of what was my life since 1987. . 335

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Black Angus Nightclub 1987-1997, being these my ten years of curse; from those pitiful Christmases ten years ago. And from 1992 to 1997, my last misfortune, always at Christmas, was getting worse and worse.

336

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

CHAPTER TEN: 1998: THE YEAR OF THE GREAT CRISIS At the beginning of the 1998-99 school year, the time of the great crisis was already apparent. Here began the final hour of having a health relapse, from which I no longer got up. From about Christmas 1995 onwards, my health began to drop. I remember that I left the turkey race on November 22, 1995, first from the race at the Ramona Mendoza School, then when I got home, I went on foot to the Inter to warm up and get in shape again for the Inter race. This day I remember, after the race at the school, the teachers had the traditional Thanksgiving dinner, and I was dancing "the doggie dance" and even climbed up on a table to give the show. What happened after this day was not as joyful as what was described above. I finished the race at the Inter, barely, since it was two miles, and you know I was a sprinter in 100 and 200 meters, not in marathon races. On the way home it was raining and I remember that the physical education teacher of the school and also 337

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

of the Inter, Manuel Gonzalez, gave me pon up near the Court and Command of the Police; from there I continued to walk home, a short stretch, but I got wet with the rain. The thing is that I didn't keep my muscles warm for several days due to the "monga" I caught, and simply, my muscles became numb and I no longer had the joy of running and almost not "jogue" from this moment on. Already in these days my digestive system was beginning to show severe problems: swelling in the legs and feet, a lot of pain near the stomach, rectal bleeding, and some small ulcers that began to appear throughout the body. I was hospitalized for a few days and began treatment with anti-inflammatory drugs, prednisone and zulfatidine. I was getting regular appointments, after my first colonoscopy. But there was no definite diagnosis yet. The closest I could get was a prognosis of "Crohns Syndrome" for this year, 1995. Already in the last days of 1997 my ordeal began; I just didn't have a completely defined diagnosis yet, as I mentioned. My health, from the day of the "turkey race" that is, the Thanksgiving celebration, first in 1995, and then in 1997, began to experience its "Way of the Cross". To be more precise in time, Wednesday, November 26, 1997. 338

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Ten years ago, that same day in 1987, but on the night of Thursday, November 26, do you remember him, yes - he preached in church that someone would die there so that others would live. The prophecy was being fulfilled once again, now, ten years later, on Thanksgiving Day exactly. What at first was considered a prognosis of "Crohns Syndrome" for the year 1995, months after I ended my dating relationship with Wanda, was transformed into a situation of physical deterioration, which was increasing. During the trips from Guayama to Aguada, by the end of 1994 and the beginning of 1995, I had to make many emergency stops and go to the bathroom. I would stop in Ponce, enter the Mc Donalds of the Ponce By-pass before continuing to Aguada. On the way back it was the same. When I visited Wanda at the newly opened Walmart in Isabela, it was the same; the first stop was to the restroom. The desire to evacuate was very constant and frequent. I remember that Wanda was giving me immonium each time to control the desires to evacuate and to be able to resist the long trip from Guayama to Aguada. Christmas 1995 arrived and that was the beginning of my first crisis. That Christmas I was hospitalized for a few days. It was the second time in my life that I 339

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

was hospitalized, the first time being for gastroenteritis after Christmas 1981, when I returned from Santo Domingo. I didn't know what it was. I remember that one of the doctors who was treating me, a certain Dr. Martinez, kept asking me if I was homosexual, because the laboratories did not show anything. After many labs and x-rays, I finally had a colonoscopy or recto-intestinal visual examination and that is how it was believed at the beginning of the crisis that it was Crohns Syndrome. Not much was known about this condition by then. It was suspected that it was caused by some type of bacteria that lodged in the large intestine or colon and tended to produce ulcers that could later become colon cancer. I didn't know how serious my condition was. I remember that Dr. Martinez Sierra, a gastrointestinal specialist (not Dr. Martinez, a family doctor) gave me my first colonoscopy. This was in late 1995. I was prescribed prednisone (an anti-inflammatory) with another medication or pill that I now do not remember well. Yes, I remember now, zulfatidine. I was from 1995 until the end of 1997 more or less "under control". Apparently the condition was improving. My prednisone dose was lowered from 20mg to 10mg and then to 5. But it wasn't. 340

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

The doctor's appointments started to move away from every two weeks at first, then to a month, and when they went to every three months; I got careless. I never took seriously how dangerous the condition was, much less the warning that was given to me from the beginning that it could be degenerative and cause my death. 1998 arrived. I remember that I no longer celebrated Christmas in church. I spent the last two years, 1996 and 1997, guiding them as they said goodbye to the year or waited for Christmas. I didn't want to get too involved in the church; Charles W Methodist Church, Drees Memorial in Guayama. I only played guitar on Sundays during the service. But no more than that. I still felt a rebellious spirit within me towards everything that the church and God stood for. I just didn't want to know about God. I was consumed day after day, night after night. I didn't want anyone. Since I had left Wanda I had no girlfriend. I felt that there was no love left in me, only anguish, pain, rebellion, hate, and worse, loneliness. 1998 was the year that extended my life, to the point that I almost died. On February 21st, daddy got very serious. At Mommy's insistence, we managed to take him to Santa Rosa de Guayama Hospital; he didn't want us to take him. Daddy had suffered from 341

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

arthritis complicated by polio in 1957, the year I was born, while I was in New York. Sometime between 1976, after the death of my maternal grandfather, Fortunato Colón Cordero, Don Tato, Papi was operated on for a hernia in his stomach. Thirteen years before his death, in 1985, a third of his stomach was removed. His health condition declined. To the point where he could no longer walk, or almost get out of bed. Everything had to be done to him. His feet and belly were swollen. He had difficulty evacuating. Since my sister Ruth got married, and after I returned from New York in 1994, I was the only one living at home with Mommy and Daddy. As I mentioned earlier, February 21, 1998 arrived. At about eleven o'clock in the morning, my mother and I managed to get Daddy into the Nisan Sentra, 1987 car, which used to belong to Ruth, now belonged to Mommy (or to me, although it was in her name). That day, I remember, Daddy threw his head back and "almost died in my arms". This reminded me of the moment when one of my dogs, if I remember correctly Brownie, or Happy Guao Guao, died in my hands. At the hospital they took his tags and we were informed that Daddy had terminal liver cancer. His 342

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

transfer to the Veterans Hospital in San Juan was arranged; they did not want to admit him. At the insistence of the doctor in Guayama, his transfer was arranged in one of the ambulances from Guayama to Veterans. It was already close to six o'clock in the afternoon. We got there at about seven. There, once again, a doctor named Fernandez, like Daddy, after giving her the pertinent medical tests, asked Ruth and me: "Did you know that your father has liver cancer, terminal cancer," he continued: "Usually a patient with this diagnosis lives three months to two years at most; your father has terminal cancer. He's been there for 13 years now, which is more than you would expect in such a case. At about 3 a.m. on February 22, we were returning to Guayama. Daddy at one point managed to react and speak clearly. I remember the doctor asking him how he felt and he said, 'I'm pretty cool' or something like that. He seemed to be getting better. But he didn't. Before Ruth and her husband Jorge Soliván went up to San Juan to see Daddy, around ten o'clock in the morning of the same day, the veterans' hospital called. They asked him to sign some papers when a relative arrived, but we were not told what it was. So when Ruth arrived at the hospital and went into the room where Daddy had been admitted, she noticed that he wasn't there. She was told to go down to the 343

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

first floor to sign some papers. Her surprise was that Daddy had died. Moments later, at about one o'clock in the afternoon, I arrived with Mommy, too. We saw George first, then Ruth, with her watery eyes. She was the first to receive the news. Then she told us that Daddy had died. It was Ruth's birthday that day. We buried Daddy, don Pablo Fernández Burgos, on February 25, 1998 in Maunabo, Puerto Rico, his hometown. A few months later, to be exact, the last week of May, 1998, Mommy had a heart attack. Later, the second week of June, Mommy had a stroke which left her with her right arm and leg without movement. That summer of '98 I was unable to go anywhere or enjoy my summer vacation. The new 1998-99 school year (first semester) arrived, and just starting the first week of school I knew that I would be the next one to get sick. And so it was. Letty came from Florida to help me take care of Mommy over the weekend, Saturday, August 15. In this second week of school I was hospitalized again, for the third time in my life. This time, not for a couple of days as in 1995 and 1997, but for months. I remember that I had, in addition to anal rectal 344

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

bleeding and fever, some small "welts" all over my body. Then they formed into ulcers. One of them, the biggest one, started to form on the right side of my lower abdomen. I went to Santa Rosa Hospital for a week. I remember that one day they gave me something to control the bleeding and lower the fever. But they didn't do anything about the ulcers that were forming. A week later, they were all over my body. One of Sister Justa Rivera's daughters, Zoe, a nurse, came to give Mommy an injection of insulin as usual and found what was coming out of me. She, seeing me and trying to cure me, noticed that it wasn't an external infection, but it was like worms coming out of me. When she looked closely at the ulcer on my lower body, she said, "Forget about going to the emergency room at Santa Rosa Hospital. "They've already seen you and they haven't done anything; go directly to the Area Hospital. Go today." "This is very ugly; it looks like it's coming out from the inside out, and it keeps going deeper in." That's how my health crisis began. The sores on my ankles grew and got worse. I couldn't walk anymore. I couldn't put my foot down; it would just stay there. My right foot showed the most complicated sore, besides the one on my lower belly. The right ankle was practically eaten away by the ulcer. It started from the inside and went across to the other side. 345

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

That's how I lost it that school year, practically in its entirety. There were more days I was in the hospital than out. The burden on Letty was now double. Mommy at home, and me in the hospital. Mommy in the hospital, sometimes me too. I remember one day her husband, Hector "Papo" Marrero, called up, drunk, and said, "What little shame do you have that you're in and out of the hospital?" - as if it were a joke. I remember I said: "I wish you were here - let's see if you can resist even one day, the hell we're living here - day by day, dying, not knowing if we'll be alive the next day." I remember that he started crying uncontrollably, he asked me to forgive him and told me that he could not talk to me anymore; that I should forgive him, that he did not know what was happening here; that he thought it was a joke of Letty's not to return with him and his family to Jacksonville, Florida. At some point, in the second semester of 1997-98, in one of my English courses at the Inter-American University of Guayama, I remember that we were talking about the subject of death; whether a person could predict the time of death. I remember I told him that I would die on March 2, 2004. I explained to them that it was a date that had been haunting my life for years, since 1991, exposing me to the same death. But when I said that, I had no idea that it was so 346

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

close. They told me: "But, teacher, wait until the 2004 Olympics are over first, you're going to miss them". They said that, because Puerto Rico had asked to host the 2004 Olympics and they were working hard to prepare the necessary infrastructure for that event; especially they were planning to have the "Urban Train" ready by then. If I died that day I would miss it. I would not make it to the summer for the Olympics. But my reality now was critical. So, from 143 pounds in August, 1998, by December 14 of that year, I weighed 97 pounds at the time of a colostomy or total removal of the colon or large intestine. That young, athletic, enterprising, self-confident, dynamic man, etc., was now an "old man" of eighty years, medically speaking. I didn't walk; I was in a wheelchair, just like Mommy. I remember that in the days when I was discharged, we had to "take turns" in moving around the house and especially, the trip to the bathroom.

347

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Already at this stage of my health condition it was 348

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

known what I had. It wasn't AIDS or Crohns Syndrome. It was Ulcerative Colitis. When I had a second colonoscopy in 1998, around Christmas time in November, I was already well advanced. I remember that Dr. Martinez Sierra, a gastroenterologist, when he saw me, reprimanded me and said: "I told you that you could not neglect; this is about to turn into cancer. Your bowel must be removed as soon as possible; the risk is greater every day. Not to mention other complications that can arise, such as dialysis if you run into the kidneys, and in the worst case, death. Your condition is very dangerous." At some point during my first hospitalizations in January 1997, my current family doctor, Dr. Rivera, daughter of another medical doctor, Rivera Baduí, warned me to consider quitting my job, because my condition was degenerative, as I was seeing it. For a year, from December 1996 to January 1997, he had told me. Now, a year later he was confirming it again. That's how I went from room to room, first on the sixth floor, medicine, from Christ the Redeemer Episcopal Hospital (formerly Area or District Hospital), to the fifth floor, surgery. Every time someone came to the emergency room and was admitted directly to surgery, without going through medicine, all the medical staff on the fifth floor knew it was me. 349

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

So my life came to an end every day. Day by day there was less hope of living. The time came when my life was no longer guaranteed. Maybe nobody dared say it, but they knew I was going to die. A week before December 14, 1998, on Sunday the 6th, not only people visited me. Someone more powerful was with me that morning; from the very early morning, before the dawn broke. I got up very early in the morning, when the sky was still a deep blue. I was looking out of my fifth floor bedroom window at the southwest side of the town of Guayama. What is now McDonald's was the only thing that was there, just west of the hospital. Walgreens Pharmacy was built, then Pep Boys. This morning I sang the chorus: "Let us give thanks to the Lord, let us give thanks, let us give thanks for his love. In the morning, the birds sing, giving praise to Christ the Savior. And you, my friend, because you do not sing, your praises to Christ the Savior. At that moment, I remember that I made a prayer from the depths of my soul and heart. I said, "Lord, if you give me health and life, I promise you that my life has to change. It was a short, simple, but sincere prayer. When I washed my face, it felt like it was fogged in. I 350

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

took off my glasses and cleaned them, but it was still cloudy. I thought it was the glass in the mirror; I cleaned it too, but the clouds kept coming. I remember moving to the east side of the floor, and standing in front of the glass window, to watch the sunrise over the east coast of the island, towards Arroyo. At this moment a young woman who had seen me a few times in the Adela Brenes Texidor (formerly Ramona Mendoza Santos) school in Puente de Jobos, where her mother worked as a teacher, stood next to me. When he saw me, he recognized me, but with difficulty. I remember him saying, "Aren't you one of the teachers at Mommy's school? What happened to you?" I explained to him and at the same time testified about my experiences on the missionary reinforcement trip in Colombia in 1982. At that moment she said to me, "There is a light around you." I told him it was the light of dawn coming through the window. She insisted: "It is not the light of the sun, the sun has not yet risen, it is still quite dark. There's a light around you; move away from the window. See, it's there; it's on your face, head, around you. As I moved to the window and noticed her insistence, 351

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

I asked her what she was doing there. She told me she was accompanying a cousin of hers who was in the room after mine. I indicated that what I was going to ask him to do, if he could do it, was rather to say "Can you tell him if he wants me to pray for him?" She told me to accompany her to her room, that although he could not speak, he could hear. So we go into the room. I remember that when she asked him if he accepted the prayer, he nodded his head. His name is Noel Gonzalez. Noel was all rolled up in his sleeves, couldn't talk and couldn't move. The feeding was through the sleeves. It was extremely serious. I remember I said, "You see me, I am a living skeleton, for that matter I am almost dead, but I want to pray for you. At that moment I approached him and began to pray. At one point I said, "I don't know what God is going to do, nor do I care. My responsibility is to pray for you; and let it be so. At that moment I began to speak in other tongues, angelic tongues, and I put my hands on his head and said, "It is not I who touches you or puts his hands on your head; it is God. I ended the prayer by thanking God. His cousin, while I was praying, saw that the moment I began to 352

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

speak in other tongues, he began to tremble and his eyes looked at her as if something was happening inside him. I went back to my room. Now the whole room looked cloudy. I didn't know what was going on; I figured it was that the day was not yet clear and it was the effect of the sunrise itself. This day, as I said before, I had several visitors. The first was Aurelio Diaz, my brother, friend, neighbor of Blondet and my fellow teacher. I remember at one point he started crying. After him, almost as he was leaving the room, came my Methodist brother and fellow educator, Miguel Ramos. I remember I apologized to him. He told me there was nothing for me to apologize for. I told him that it was because of him that I was in the Methodist Church and that I knew he was a spiritual support for me. If I remember correctly, he gave me an envelope with a collaboration they had collected from the different schools in Guayama, on his initiative and Angie de Leon, a classmate of the school at Puente de Jobos, Adela Brenes Texidor, and a member of the Federation of Teachers, as well as Miguel Ramos, the FMPR delegate in Guayama. Miguel had not yet left when Juan Martinez, Miguel's brother-in-law, who was also a teacher and brother of 353

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

the Methodist church, arrived. I also apologized to Juan Martinez and his wife Loyda Rodriguez, Miguel's sister-in-law and teacher. The reason was because I knew that they kept telling me that God was asking more of me than I was giving Him; that I had to give Him what He was asking of me. I remember confessing to John that their insistent words, especially in Lois, made me feel uncomfortable. That I now understood that they only wanted me to give myself more to God. That his intention was only for my sake. So the day passed and the night came. Ruth, my sister, was the last one to come to see me, accompanied by some of her neighbors, charismatic Catholics. They testified to me, read a portion of the Bible, and when it was time to leave, since visiting time (8:00 pm) was over, I told them: "You can't leave here yet. All day long, since this morning something has been happening here and I didn't notice it. The cloud of Jehovah has been here with me and I didn't know it. Now I get it. Now I understand why everything looked so cloudy. This day God had visited me. That same day I managed to get Letty to insist on trying to find the phone number of Wanda Yadira Silva Sánchez and her mother, teacher Virginia Sánchez, in Aguada. I told him to call every phone 354

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

number in Aguada that was owned by the Silva or Sanchez families. She was giving up nothing; but this day was different. She told me that she had managed to find someone who knew them; a relative who gave her the number of Wanda's brother, John Kennedy Silva Sanchez. He and his "little family" had gone out, but they were able to identify with the "caller ID" that someone had been trying to reach them from the home number. This is because of the number of missed calls recorded on your caller ID. So early on Monday, they called home to find out who was calling. So Letty told her about me; to tell Wanda and especially her mom. To contact me at Christ the Redeemer Hospital in Guayama. As expected, Wanda would do whatever it took to get me, even if she didn't know my room extension number; just like when I was in New York, she would find me anywhere I was at James Monroe High School. Wanda contacted me on Monday afternoon, December 7. I told her to forgive me, because I knew how good she had been to me and how bad I had treated her. Please come to me, but come prepared, for what you would find is "a living skeleton. She, a nurse herself, comforted me and told me to have faith in God and not to faint. That she would come on 355

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

Saturday the 12th, along with her mother. When I spoke to her mother Virginia, she thought the worst; she thought she was the one who had done something to me and that I needed to talk to her urgently. The least he could imagine was that I wanted to ask him for forgiveness, and to be able to see them, before I died. The week was difficult. But something also happened this Monday, December 7th. First thing in the morning, before eight o'clock, someone knocked on my door. I told him to come in, that I was in the bathroom, but I'd be out in a minute; let him come in. When I came out of the bathroom, I couldn't believe it: it was the young man in the next room, Noel. He was "healthy". He walked in, talking, and no sleeve. He didn't even have a serum on him; well he did, but he told me that they were going to take it off to discharge him that same day or the next. God had simply raised him up. It began on Monday, December 7, 1998. But I wish what happened next hadn't even been imagined by me. Because someone had called on behalf of my family to Dr. Jose Lucas Pimentel Fernandez, my surgeon, indicating that he was not the best doctor to treat me or operate on me; that even that hospital was not the best because of the sensitivity of my condition. This person did not identify himself; he 356

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

only said that he spoke on behalf of my family. But who could it be? When Dr. Pimentel came to see me at first I didn't want to say anything about the call. What he did tell me was that I already had to decide; that I was on the surgical floor, so if I was not going to have surgery, I would tell him, so that he would discharge me, and I would come back when I was decided. But that was not possible; he knew that if he sent me home discharged, I would not return alive. The business with the call finally came up. I remember crying, but firmly saying, "As long as there is strength and knowledge in me, and as long as I can speak for myself, I do not allow anyone, absolutely no one to speak for me, much less my family. They couldn't call him from home. You've seen my sister Letty, you know she's sick too. My mother couldn't call either, because she's in a wheelchair with a celebratory stroke. If you want, I'll investigate who it was that called. I have an idea who it might be. It's just a matter of calling a phone number. I can give it to you and you would identify the person's voice, so that you can take the necessary measures. All this person has done is expose me to death. At that point the surgeon was more relaxed and told me that the call was something that happened very often. Which wasn't the first time it happened. But 357

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

what was I going to do? I remember I told him: "Give me a moment, I'll decide right now. Let the gastroenterologist see me again. Make an appointment with him. Forgive me, I sent for Dr. Lugo Zambrana to give me a second opinion; simply my sister Ruth, seeing my desperation, looking for help, spoke to him and we asked him to speak to you so that you would authorize him to see me, forgive me, I was simply very desperate, seeing that nothing improves me anymore. On the contrary, I'm going from bad to worse. My intention was not to cast doubt on Dr. Martinez and his word regarding my condition; I simply despaired. Let me talk to him so that what he says goes. I'm ready. Operate on me. As for the subclavian, put it on me, because my veins are already so dry and stuck together that they can't stand another puncture. That same day in the evening I was visited by someone I was sure had made the call to Dr. Pimentel. I explained that whoever made that call only exposed me to death. That if Dr. Pimentel sent me home, I would only die there. My condition was already too delicate to be admitted to another hospital, the Master's Hospital, as that person intended. That one more day would pass, one day closer to death. I didn't tell him to his face that it was him, but I knew in my heart that it was him. I knew it because days before I had been in my room and all I 358

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

did was talk badly about surgeon Lucas Pimentel. Then, almost two years later, Letty explained to me what had happened. She had authorized Reynaldo Echandi to seek help for me; that all he wanted was to help. But I told him it was a mistake. That there was no turning back. It was a matter of life and death. There was no time. Either I'd have the surgery or I'd simply die. That's how the whole process accelerated. The day Wanda came with her mother to see me, Saturday December 12, I don't know how, but I shaved that day. I put on some new pajamas that I took to look my best. I remember that the only thing that motivated me from early that Saturday was the arrival of this very special visit for me. I remember that when they arrived, Paulino Berríos, my great Methodist brother, was there. I am grateful to Paulino Berríos for all his advice, which as an accountant, brought serenity to my life in the midst of so many worries, since all my bills were overdue, and even worse, it was not known how they would be paid. Like I said, this Saturday the 12th was special. I know that the visit of Wanda and her mother, Virginia, was of great strength to me. That same day Dr. Pimentel called me to indicate that he would not wait another week to operate on me. That if I was willing, I would have the surgery that coming 359

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Monday, December 14th, not next week. I told him that if he understood that I could "resist the operation" that it was okay. This was because he intended to postpone the operation so that I could regain my health a little more. But, he decided to bring it forward to that next Monday, December 14, 1998. How interesting, that day Minerva Rodriguez, "Minny", had a birthday. I think his 36; 37 or 38, I'm not sure of his age, but it was his birthday. It was on this day, Monday, December 14, 1998, that I underwent an ileostomy or colostomy and colectomy.

Hospital Episcopal Cristo Redentor – Guayama I came back to life almost from death. And that's how I went from stage to stage. Denial, pre-treatment stage; denial of wanting to see reality, my reality; a very different one from what my life was and was before 1998. A reality that was coming to an end, or a new beginning. 360

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Dec 25, 1998 discharged after colostomy performed on Monday, December 14, 1998.

Right eye enucleation on Feb. 9, 1999 for severe endolphthalmitis and right eye prosthesis. Next, I do a review that I publish in La Revista de Guayama Digital Printing, months after I got out of the hospital. Only I came out without a large intestine, without an appendix, and if that's not enough, without an eye; the right eye. 361

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

"In the almost extinct light of an existence, a new opportunity arises like the phoenix, to live and give life to many who, although alive, have lost all hope of improvement and rehabilitation. After multiple stays in various rooms on the 5th floor (surgery) of Christ the Redeemer Episcopal Hospital in Guayama, Puerto Rico Stays that at first were short, two or three days, became my second home for almost seven months. Seven months, from the beginning of August 1998 to March 3, 1999. Watching my health deteriorate, day by day. From 143 pounds in August to only 97 pounds as of December 14, 1998; the day when under the wings of the Most High and the anointed and blessed hands of the surgeon, Dr. Lucas Pimentel Fernandez, I had an ileostomy (total removal of the large intestine). For more than four months I was unable to walk, due to the spread of ulcers throughout most of my body; Ulcerative Colitis, was the diagnosis.

362

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

GDP Magazine, March 30, 1999.

Photo taken in Aguada by Wanda in December 1995. 363

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

After being discharged on December 25, 1998, Christmas Day, I return to my home, almost unable to walk. I didn't have the good fortune to say "I'm happy." Just hours after I got home, on the morning of December 26th something was no longer right. A stain inside my right eye started another stop in my Via crucis. Severe endolphthalmitis was the new diagnosis.

Released, Dec 25, 1998. 364

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Released, Dec 25, 1998 365

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

I was first seen by Dr. Maria Flores Dones, O.D. The situation found in her exam was worrisome. Referred by her to Dr. Gilberto Rodriguez, Octometrist and Ophthalmologist, on Monday, December 28th, it is confirmed how dangerous the condition is, and for the second time, it is indicated to me the possibility of losing the vision through this eye, and also the eye itself. In the first days of February, 1999, I am referred this time to Dr. Heriberto Martinez, to the ophthalmology clinic of Cristo Redentor Hospital, again. The initial diagnosis was confirmed; within two weeks I had no vision in my right eye. I still hear the words of Dr. Heriberto Martinez: "Pablo, we must remove the little eye. It was hopeless. I was exposed to the bacterium that's lodged there, to be spread by... God only knows how far. On Tuesday, February 9, 1999, less than two months later, I was in the operating room again. I returned home two days later, on Thursday the 11th. My mother, the retired teacher María Luisa Colón Navarro, widow of Pablo Fernández Burgos, my father, was waiting for me there, less than a year after she was widowed on February 22, 1998, the same day as the birthday of her second daughter, Ruth. There, my mother, disabled by a heart attack in May and then a stroke in June, 1998, was waiting for me. 366

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

I am grateful to the Reverend Pedro Valentin Peláez Sepúlveda, my second Methodist pastor, who prepared his heart for my arrival... without an eye. How is the life of an ostomy patient? The life of an ostomy patient is often uphill: First, having to accept that it will never be the same again as it was before the colostomy. Their physical, sporting, and also sexual activities, by taking only one sample, are no longer the same. Your movements are more careful, because the colostomy bag can come off at any time. Sometimes, just sitting down can filter it. Psychologically one has to be prepared to see how their clothes get dirty, besides the embarrassment one experiences. How often can this happen? As uncertain as it may be. One has to be prepared all the time. Wherever you go you need to take an emergency kit with you: toilet paper, extra bags, a pair of shorts under your clothes, or perhaps a disposable pamper or diaper. Treatment creams for burns produced by gastric acids on the skin, and above all, the willpower needed to accept that this is our daily reality. But that, no matter the difficulties; there is something more important: we are alive and in a state of health a thousand times better than before the colostomy. 367

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

Hence "the colostomy is a chance of life". In this phase of Acceptance it is very important to have the emotional support of other patients who went through the same thing, perhaps much less prepared than oneself, but who are "fighting" for life, day by day. The economic aspect is decisive; not having a job because you are still in post-operative recovery. The economic crisis that this can bring. So uncertain can be one's financial condition that many times you don't even have $5.00 to buy a bag or a stoma. So what if you're walking a long way and suddenly your bag leaks? It's simply a very high price to pay every day. But that doesn't mean we stop; we have to keep going, as if nothing had happened. One year ago, on December 14, 1998, I underwent what is called an Ileostomy (total removal of the large intestine or colon). As a result of that surgery, my health has been restored. Only a few areas in my body still show the ravages of ulcerative colitis, which has taken hold of my entire large intestine. They are still marked on my right ankle and left hand as traces of the condition, but now known as transient dermatitis. From an average of 45 to 50 times a day that I had to 368

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

evacuate, currently, I maybe do it about four to six times. But this is not the case: those 45 to 50 daily bowel movements were evacuating blood; the blood that was being lost day by day, even though it was receiving an average of two weekly transfusions, without showing any improvement. My hemoglobin was not above six; then complicated by emotional diabetes, which prevented the ulcers that covered my ankles from healing in three or four months. Every day he was subjected to intense healing, including hot water and Betadine therapy, in the whirlpool. I could no longer walk, or even put my foot down, because of the intense pain I was experiencing. My arms could not stand another transfusion; my veins had become so dry that at the last moment they could not receive "a puncture" any more. The moment of decision was approaching: either I would have surgery or I would die. It was a matter of days, maybe. The day that passed, the day that I had the least chance of living. I didn't know what a colostomy was. I didn't know what a colostomy bag was either. I could not accept that my body would be permanently mutilated, without doing my evacuation needs normally. I simply wasn't prepared for this process. 369

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Dr. Lucas Pimentel brought two people from the Ostomy Patient Support Committee: Mrs. Maria Luisa Vazquez, and Don Angel Torres, who prepared me emotionally and mentally for the surgery, and how to live after the operation. I'll never forget when they told me, "The colostomy is a chance of a lifetime." Later two other people also came to see me, leading me to make the decision: a decision that would change my way of thinking and living forever: Aware that it would be my only alternative; that I would not be afraid, because I would overcome that first stage of denial and enter the second one: Acceptance. Accept that nothing would ever go back. To accept that if I wanted to live, this would be the price. "The colostomy is a chance of a lifetime." These were the words of Mr. Angel Torres and Mrs. Maria Luisa Vazquez, ostomate patients and members of the Committee for the Support of Ostomate Patients of Southern Puerto Rico. The third stage I would say is Adaptation. Accepting that nothing would be the same as before is no longer what occupies the mind of an ostomy patient. Now what concerns one continuously is how to adapt to what may be his lifestyle, as long as he lives; all his life.

370

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

In this third stage, Adaptation, many things are involved. From the basics, which is to have a device on your body, the colostomy bag, knowing that your evacuation needs are no longer what they used to be.

Now, you never know for sure when you're actually evacuating. This happens automatically. The best you can do is to bring a monitor to your feeding. That is, observe what you eat, how often you eat it, how your digestive system reacts to it, how often you evacuate, or rather, how often you "have to empty your pouch". Not all foods produce the same result in the digestive process. The first days, maybe months, their diet consists of liquid, and progressively, semi-solid food. Your system will tell you what you can and cannot tolerate. Foods high in acidity produce intolerance to ingest them, even from the trachea and esophagus. Natural juices, sometimes have to be diluted to 70% or more in order to "bring them down". Irritating substances such as chocolate, in some cases 371

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

coffee, orange or china juice, patch, pineapple, turn out to be very acidic. I remember that the first days apple juice, pear, and maybe peach, well diluted was what I could take, accompanied by water between sips. Soups without too much seasoning, and creams or cereals well liquefied. The feeling of nausea is very common in this third stage, adaptation. Afterwards, it goes into a slightly more solid feeding, always testing if the system resists it. She's supposed to be on a liquid diet for the first and maybe second month. In my case, since it was almost seven months of hospitalization, the last two months of intravenous feeding, I was already anxious to "eat" "real" food. So already in the first week after the ileostomy I started eating rice with well mashed chicken, then mashed potato. The soups now had bits of chicken or beef, fidéos, potato and pumpkin. When the surgeon, Dr. Lucas Pimentel saw me a week later, he was amazed that I was already eating practically solid food; rice, meat, in addition to food. On the other hand, it was quite common for the bag to leak or peel off. Partly because it was "still in the bones", and for lack of "flesh", it did not seal well. From any movement, sometimes, simply by sitting or bending over, it would come off. These days it was a sense of futility and helplessness that controlled my mind. I couldn't do anything, without exposing myself to "everything coming out" and I had to go 372

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

quickly to wash and change my clothes. The first few months I had to have a "pamper" or "diaper" on all the time, for protection. My clothes were no good, as I had lost over 42 pounds in less than two months. In my case, because another, perhaps more traumatic, complication arose, I did not have much time to think about how to adapt to the colostomy bag and all that this entailed. Less than two months later, I was in the operating room again; this time to have my right eye removed, due to severe endolphthalmitis, which I acquired, directly related to the ulcerative colitis I was suffering from and also due to the strong medications I was taking: Pregnisone 20 mg, among others. In the other section of How is the life of a patient with an eye enucleation? I will give details of this second surgical process which I underwent 43 days after my ileostomy (surgery performed from the ileum, before the large bowel or colon) or total removal of the large bowel. Another area of adaptation is the emotional aspect. It is quite frequent that one experiences a feeling of uselessness, frustration and above all, anxiety. The same presence of lacerations or burns caused by gastric acids, when they leak, burn the skin and definitely irritate one; not only literally, but also emotionally. There's no peace of mind. 373

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

You would continually want to detach the stoma or base of the pouch, and forget that you have a colostomy and colectomy. Some people think that you can take it off for a while, but that's not true: it's because you're continually releasing waste, whether it's solid or liquid. Therefore, one cannot be without it. But what happens when you don't have a replacement stoma or bag, and you damage the one you had on? This is another problem. You have to depend on someone who can bring one to you or who can take you immediately to buy another. Sometimes you don't have the money to buy it. But this is another aspect: the economic one. How does a patient with an enucleation of one eye live?

The life of a patient with a total enucleation or removal of an eye is not easy to bear. Just by being aware that you now have only one eye, and for this one detail you live a life of continuous fear. He/she is afraid anything might happen to his/her 374

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

remaining eye. Any particle of dust, any object near you, anyone who stumbles on you or throws something at you, even if it's not intentional. Being more aware of the risk one is continually exposed to by becoming totally blind from anything is traumatic. When you have both eyes, you don't think about this. You do things that are extremely risky and don't think about what could happen to your eye health. Things as everyday as wearing contact lenses, sometimes just because they look different than their natural color. Other times, being exposed to contaminants or irritating substances. Rubbing eyes without clean hands; subjecting eyes to sudden temperature changes. Simply put, when you only have one eye, one eye, you don't think the same. In my case, because of how complicated my condition was as a patient with ulcerative colitis, and because my system had deteriorated so early, I didn't have an immune system strong enough to fight something that perhaps at another stage of my life, when I was completely healthy, I could have assimilated and fought off the infection.

375

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Pablo Fernandez with green corrective contact lenses in Oct. 4, 1988. It is in this phase of still being in post-operative recovery, that I contracted a severe infection or endolphthalmitis. I remember that it was only a few days after the ileostomy (December 14, 1998), when I experienced a feeling of discomfort in my lower right eye; my best eye. It was like a puncture, which caused me a momentary severe pain, but, I didn't give it much importance. This may have happened on December 22 or 23, 1998. 376

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

Days later, on December 26, 1998, the story was different. This time I had not been able to sleep because of unbearable pain that covered me from the very center of my right eye to the entire forehead, head and brain on the right side of my body. On that morning of December 26th, a spot covered the lower part of the eye. From here on it was only a matter of days, first losing vision in my right eye, then not giving up the infection even though I was injected directly into the eye with antibiotics three times in less than two weeks. Not being able to resist the continuous pain, even though I was given Percoset every four hours. I could not say whether it was better to lose the eye, than to resist the terrible pain that did not cease by day or by night. But the decision to keep the eye was no longer an alternative; it had to be removed. This happened on February 9, 1999. If I had recently come out of an ileostomy 43 days earlier; being hospitalized for almost seven months, not being able to walk for more than four months due to the spread of ulcers over almost my entire body, and especially on the right ankle, I needed even more proof; losing my right eye. The process of, first, Denial, not wanting to accept the imminent possibility of being without one eye, my best "dominant" eye, the right one - my photographer's eye. Being unable to be a good photographer again - a phase of my life that also came to an end. 377

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

That Tuesday morning, February 9, 1999, I thought I would go crazy. I didn't know how I could live without one eye. I would be discharged next day, Wednesday, February 10, but I asked to be given one more day, so that I could tell my pastor to go home before me to talk to Mommy and prepare her for this news. I asked Letty to call Pastor Pelaez, to go to my hospital room before I was discharged. I asked him to prepare Mommy for this news, that I was being discharged, but that I was returning without an eye. He informed me that he would stop by the house next day, Thursday, February 11, before I arrived. I would then be discharged that same Thursday afternoon, the 11th. You remember that that day the Reverend Pedro Pelaez had gone home to prepare the heart of my sick and prostrate mother, knowing that she was returning from the hospital later that day, but this time... without an eye. Back home, I had to face the harsh reality of what my life would be from now on. The other day, Friday February 12, 1999, I was already at school, guiding, with difficulty, but showing me that I had to move forward as if nothing had happened. 378

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Right eye prosthesis, it seems so natural, but that does not make it easy to accept. Monday, June 21, 1999. I thank God that even though I had no eye, no large intestine, no appendix, not so many things that I used to have, but at the same time, were missing, He gave me the opportunity to "Return to Life". Maybe this writing has made you want to live. My responsibility to you, dear reader, is to make known to you as faithfully as possible, all that I went through, although with pain and permanent marks, as you can see, and perhaps with shame, but firmly, I show my experiences as a mirror or open book, so that, if one day you go through what I went through, you will not stumble or fall where I stumbled and fell.

379

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

GDP Magazine, March, 2000.

380

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

CHAPTER ELEVEN: COMING BACK TO LIFE

At the beginning of 1999, to be much more precise, on March 25th, Holy Thursday, I underwent surgery for the fourth time in less than three months. That is to say: on December 14, 1998, I had my large intestine or colon removed almost completely; an ileostomy and colectomy. On February 1, 1999 I was admitted again. Diagnosis: Severe Endolphtalmitis. On February 9, 1999, five days short of the twomonth anniversary of the ileostomy, the right eye was enucleated. I was discharged on February 11th, instead of the next 10th, at my request. On March 3, 1999, my sphere or eye implant was reimplanted (11 days before the third month; as of December 14, 1998). The operation was to be the day before, March 2, as scheduled. But due to air conditioning failure in the operating room, the operation was postponed until the following morning. If you remember, on March 2, 1991, as well as on April 5, 1993, my life was miraculously saved by God's mercy. I have no doubt that if I had been taken to the operating room on the morning of March 2, 1999, I would have been the loser. This time there 381

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

would be no chance of life. That March 2, 1999, Tuesday, in the Chinese calendar, (year of the dragon) was the equivalent of March 2, 2004; exactly the day that years ago I had marked as the day of my death in front of a group of students from one of my Basic English courses at the Interamerican University of Puerto Rico, Guayama Campus. At that time they told me, "Teach, the 2004 Olympics will be in the summer, you're going to miss it. The Olympics have not yet arrived; but we do know that Puerto Rico is no longer the venue for such a world-class sporting event. If things do not change, it will be Greece 2004. Twenty-two days from March 3, 1999, Holy Thursday, March 25, I was at the University Hospital of the Medical Center in Rio Piedras, Puerto Rico. It was already the fourth intervention, under general anesthesia; 20 days before the fourth month, from the first of four interventions. Since 6:00 a.m. on Holy Thursday I was on hold. But it was not until six in the evening - that is, twelve hours later - that the "Blue Cross" medical plan approved the final re-implantation operation of the eye sphere.

382

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Today I have no large intestine, no appendix and no right eye; my body has been mutilated; but my spirit lives. My soul is at peace. I have peace of mind. Fifteen years from that Tuesday afternoon, December 22, 1987, the curse has been broken by the power of God. My life is in God's hands now. Only God has the power to take it away from me, when he so disposes. In demonstration of faith, I registered Remembering Puerto Rico, Inc. 99,058, a for-profit corporation organized under the laws of Puerto Rico submitted to the Department of State on July 3, 1997 and sealed on June 30, 1998, in San Juan, Puerto Rico; one month before being hospitalized at Christ the Redeemer Episcopal Hospital in Guayama.

In March 1999, I returned to the chair as a part-time professor at the Interamerican University of Puerto Rico, Guayama Campus. I was able to offer three English courses. Later in the semester from August to December 2001 I offered the first Basic English 383

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

courses 1101, 1102 and 1103 'on-line' to the students of the ADVANCE program. I will never forget the 1999 Inter de Guayama Christmas party at the Rotary Club. I wanted to know if I could still dance. I remember asking Lucy, one of the secretaries in the Inter's Human Resources office, if she would be willing to let me ask her to dance. I remember that I warned him that since 1997 I was not dancing; now I didn't have one eye and I didn't know how my ankles would respond either. But I did it well; to the point where I took her out dancing twice. Minutes later, while I was sharing with my fellow Inter players, I remember that in a euphoric way and without caring what the others said, I started to jump and say with full voice: "I'm alive, I'm alive". I remember that everyone was silent, and remembering how they had seen me just a few months before, they began to applaud, and some even gave me a hug. I'm simply alive. I was in the Vocational Rehabilitation Program for three years, at which time Guayama Digital Communications Network Inc. was incorporated, registered 108,398 under the laws of Puerto Rico on October 5, 1999 at 12:05 p.m.

384

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

25 Dec 1999, one year after the ileostomy During those three years I was on unpaid leave at the Puerto Rico Department of Public Education. These three years (February 1999 to May 1999 and then December 1999 - August, 2002). For these three years I was in charge of Mommy. And although my health was not completely good, I was in the process of recovery and medical, psychological, visual and also psychiatric evaluation; in all the tests I was submitted to I passed them in an excellent way. 385

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

During these past four years I have also applied to be disabled by Social Security, (since 1998), but their determination has been that I am not disabled under the rules of this agency. So, as of today, I'm waiting for a hearing. In the meantime, I'm still on the fight path, facing everything that's in front of me. There are moments of depression and there are moments of anxiety. But I'm alive.

First Anniversary of Remembering Puerto Rico Inc., Nov. 19, 1999. As of today, I have no credit, as all my accounts and financial commitments were thrown into "accounts receivable" or non – payable accounts; lost accounts. 386

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Until this moment I don't know what it is to have a fixed salary, since I depend on what the printing house, GDP, within the ups and downs can generate. In the process of rehabilitation, two journals have been published and distributed in a limited form. "La Revista" by Guayama Digital Printing, since summer 1999 and Recordando a Puerto Rico; "La Revista" since June, 2000.

First edition of GDP Magazine, June 1999. 387

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

First Edition RPR Magazine, June 2000. 388

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Although I was again hospitalized at Christ the Redeemer Episcopal Hospital during Christmas 2001, it was only a slight relapse of five days (December 20-25, 2001). Although I was about two months again in a wheelchair due to the side effects of Prednisone, which I was prescribed again due to rectal bleeding, but I'm fine now.

In February 2002, I started a radio program on WIBS 1540 AM, "La Voz del Caribe" (formerly Radio Caribe of the late Wigberto Baez) now managed by Conchi Leon and owned by Pichin Roman, owner of both AM stations in Guayama, WXRF 1590 and WIBS 1540: "Recordando a Puerto Rico, su música año tras año", his musical career since the 70s. With its website: http://www.recordandopr.i-p.com/ and 389

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

later www.recordandopr.jbc.net .

Exclusive Good Friday interview with Wilkins, conducted on March 12, 2002 at the WXRF 1590 AM studios. By sheer force I was able to keep it "on the air" until May 24, 2002 (Program #15). Everyone who's seen me since then confirms that I look great. Due to the world economic crisis, especially in the United States and Puerto Rico since the terrorist attacks on the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center in New York and the Pentagon in Washington, District of Columbia, National Capital on September 11, 2001, with its devastating effects 390

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

even on today's economy, I've continued to try to survive.

Today I have recovered my health. I weigh a little over 130 pounds. I have returned to my work as an English teacher in computer technology at the Escuela Superior de la Comunidad Dr. Rafael Lopez Landrón, La "High" in Guayama. And although I have not yet been paid, I am happy to be rehabilitated.

391

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

I have been receiving treatment for emotional conditions for one month (from October 1, 2002 to November 7, 2002), through the Puerto Rico State Insurance Fund Corporation, all visual, psychological and general emotional tests, I have passed. I've had a visual adjustment change ±1 in my remaining eye, left, but I can still see with a corrected prescription 110%; 20/25; without corrective lenses, 20/400, I can't see even the big "E" at the beginning of the visual test poster (It looks like the Puerto Rican flag to me because of lack of focus and visual distortion), but I still admit that I'm alive. I hope to live at least a hundred years - at least I would like to. Obviously, in good health. "I bear in my own flesh the marks of the sacrifice of Christ," as the Apostle Paul said. In my case, not with a seven-leather Roman whip with sharp metal particles; nor with thirty-nine lashes. Much less with the nails that crossed, pierced the Master's hands and feet on the cross. I don't wear the crown of thorns on my head either. My side has not been pierced by a Roman soldier's spear; but by a surgical operation and implant of a colostomy bag, on my right side of my belly, at 45° from the navel. Much less has water and blood come out of my 392

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

wound. But I have lived seven months of my life bleeding to death; I have been informed by my surgeon, Dr. Lucas Pimentel Fernández - that at the time of the ileostomy intervention - it was more time that he spent drying the water inside me, than the surgical process as such; already before 9:00 a.m. I was in preparation for the intervention, which lasted almost five hours (it started at 10:35 a.m. and ended at 3:10 p.m.). As I indicated, I was taken to the operating room at nine o'clock - third hour according to the biblical account - when Christ's crucifixion began. It may sound corny or fictional, but this is my reality. Evidenced by a hundred pages in my medical file. Christ died at three o'clock in the afternoon - the ninth hour. My surgery was over at 3:10 p.m., according to my file. I have no memory of the next two days. "I woke up" on the third day - at least that's what I remember being aware of. I remember the notes left by people who came to see me in the (intensive) recovery room; when they saw that I was not waking up, they wrote: "We came to see you, but you were asleep; we are praying for you.

393

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Nurse McCormick, escorted me, Dec 25, 1998. . I remember that third day after the operation. Dr. Lucas Pimentel woke me up; then as he read the notes that had been left for me, he put his hand on my head and prayed for me. I spent a total of five days in intensive care. Then I was transferred to the sixth floor, medicine, until Christmas Day, December 25, 1998, when I was finally discharged. I wasn't walking yet; I went out in a wheelchair. I wish nothing had happened to me, but that would be 394

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

alienation and denial of what is my reality today. After almost fifteen years, 1987 to 2002, from December 22, 1987, when everything started and ten years after what I previously catalogued as ten years of curse, 1987 - 1997, that has now come to an end. I am not holy, nor perfect, nor wiser, nor more human than any other human being. But maybe my words can heal. Be healed in the name of Him who died for you and me: Jesus Christ. I am healthy, in the name and power of the Holy Spirit. I am free from all condemnation, curse, evil - by the almighty power of God - to GOD be the glory. Amen.

December 25, 1998 - December 25, 1999. 395

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

December 25, 1998 - December 25, 1999. I close this story by quoting the words from the beginning of the story: I would like to write something that would not only change my life, but also the lives of all those who read it. To carry myself on the wings of the written word and to move, to extreme, to influence not only myself but others, making their lives and my own an embodied manifestation of the power of the word. Change the course of human life. I am convinced of how much the writings of an artist of the pen can influence the lives that are impacted by his lyrics. Writing with one purpose in mind: To change sad, disappointed and hopeless lives into lives overflowing with joy, self-pride, security and humility - characteristics of one who has truly 396

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

achieved success. To make everyone who reads my writings happy in the same way that I wish to be happy in giving myself to others through my words. If my words had the power to change lives, I would want to be the first to be changed; for as my words change my life, I will be convinced that they will change the lives of others as well. So help me God, I will. I wish to leave my footprints, so that others will follow and not stumble or fall where I stumbled and fell.

397

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

398

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

CHAPTER TWELVE: FIFTEEN YEARS LATER

Life is surprising. Life surprised me one Friday night, February 21, 2003. She showed up to tell me she'd forgiven me. His presence and energy brought peace to my life. That night, Friday, February 21, 2003, I finished binding the first two copies of the correction and edition of the draft of this book. As it is described in detail in a second book that was written after this first autobiographical book, in her Dedication, in: "Transformation of Man to Angel", it is to her that this second book, also autobiographical, is dedicated. I have told you the future, but, I know; you want to know what happened in those fifteen years from the beginning of the preamble of what would be this book: "Back to Life". As the end of Chapter Eleven of this book, (initially the Final Chapter), points out, a second End is added later to the End; rather, it is the End of the End this added chapter. 399

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

As I quoted in Chapter Eight: "Ten Years of the Curse" (1988-1998), it is this Friday, February 21, 2003, that the peace I so longed for in my life finally arrived again, starting with those painful and disastrous Christmases that took place in 1987 and the beginning of 1988. 1988 to 2003, Fifteen years later, peace, forgiveness, reconciliation, restoration came, not only to my life, but to that of the "anonymous" person who caused this book to be written. I say "anonymous" by mutual agreement and for the protection of his identity, a person who, upon receiving the first revised copy of this book, when reading it a few days after Friday, February 21, 2003, sent me an email or a letter, indicating that he had read it and that he needed to meet again, to give details about the book, so that his identity would be protected and in anonymity. By this agreement to protect her person and dignity, she, her name, and real personal circumstances, must be respected. But she knows who she is, and that's what matters. Describing this Friday, February 21, 2003, at about seven o'clock in the evening, I found myself binding the two corrected copies of the initial draft of this book.

400

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Suddenly someone calls me from the door of the house: Junior, Junior Fernandez, are you there? it was a beautiful young woman, slim, with straight blond hair and accompanied by two girls. I definitely didn't know who he was. She is dressed in white and yellow; her blouse is yellow and her long pants are white. "You are Junior, aren't you?" I answered, "Yes, I am; and who are you? Do I know you?" "But I don't know who you are" - I exclaimed. I thought maybe she was one of my former students, but which one of the many students I taught English to over the years?

When she saw that he didn't recognize her, she said, 401

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

"You really don't know me, you don't know who I am," and smiled in surprise. No, I don't know who you are; really; do you know me? I told him, since he had called me by my familiar and intimate nickname; only known (me) in this way by people close to me. I'm... Ivette, the daughter of... and of... When I realized who she was, I said, "Don's daughter...?" and I cried. I said, "I haven't been able to forgive myself for what I did to you for fifteen years, but I never thought I'd see you again. "Forgive me; I almost died without being able to ask for your forgiveness." I invited him into the house, along with the two girls. They went to the balcony and after closing the gate I said: "You can't imagine why I told you that I almost died without being able to ask for your forgiveness during these fifteen years". To which she replied, "I had already forgiven you; I forgave you a long time ago. Still crying and with tears in my eyes (well, in one of them, since the other is only a prosthesis), I indicated to him: "But I did not know, until today when I find you, when I never thought that we would see each other again". I remember asking him about the girls to which he indicated that they were his two daughters. One's about 12 years old and the other is about eight. I asked them for permission and asked them if they would let me give their mother an arm, and we gave 402

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

each other a hug that, as I said before, brought us much peace, the peace that I had longed for all these years, and it was with this hug that we reconciled and I received their forgiveness. It's a miracle what's happening, it's incredible what's happening. "You arrived just as I finished editing my autobiographical book, in which you are mentioned" I said. I gave her one of the copies and kept the other one for myself: "I'm sorry it's not well cut and properly bound because I just glued it last night and I haven't "trimmed" it yet and I gave her the same one to read, and if there was anything to correct or remove concerning it, let me know. After some fifteen or twenty days, we met at the Sizler restaurant in the Plaza las Américas square in Hato Rey, San Juan. As we ate, we talked for a while to catch up on what had happened in our lives over the past fifteen years. I remember that he said to me: "I read your book and certainly you wrote it for me" to which I said: "And how would I know, if I never saw you again or met you?" "Yes, it is so; but I reaffirm that it was for me this book. And he added: "You made me remember many things that I no longer remember; although not all of them happened that way, since I myself do not remember well what happened" - which is what time and distance do, since after those days I left ... (and 403

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

mentioned the place) and I didn't live there again." "What is the power of the mind and distance; it makes one forget everything; there is no better way to forget," he said, or something similar. I remember that I told him: "I give you back what belongs to you; it is yours, you have the right to have it" and I gave him a gift among which were some diskettes or floppy disks with the biography already corrected and with his participation in the edition of the same; since we were in cybernetic dialogue by chats and e-mails several times before this day, we were meeting again to give him the digital version of the book. "What do you mean by those words about giving me back what belongs to me, what you say I'm entitled to?" - What I said: "You're entitled to your memories, no one can take them away from you; they're yours, they belong to you. I'm sorry that all the cyber dialogues have gone astray and that I don't even have an exact digital copy of the revisions we made to the book after we met; fifteen years later, but that doesn't matter. Because as she said: "This book you wrote for me" - only she knows how it turned out; digitally speaking. I present to you the Dedication of the next book: "Transformation of Man into Angel": 404

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

DEDICATORY: To dedicate a book, as I quoted in my first book, "Back to Life" is not just literary formalism. It is the sincere and genuine desire that the one to whom it is dedicated should experience the same satisfaction and happiness as the one to whom it is dedicated. I dedicate this book to someone very special, who ironically does not allow me to mention his name. His presence in my life after an absence of fifteen years has brought peace to me. It has given me new strength and a desire to live and continue fighting every day to achieve my dreams, goals and a better quality of health and life. She is a young woman, who at one point was taken from my life and her own. It wasn't an easy separation. Practically disastrous and extremely devastating. Their violent separation marked in me a dizzying and unbridled rush that culminated almost in my death. I've never been the same since. Life is surprising. Life surprised me one Friday night, February 21, 2003. She showed up to tell me she'd forgiven me. His presence and energy brought peace to my life. 405

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

As I mentioned to her later that night, I said, "You have no idea what it means to me that you have shown up here, a time when I have just finished writing my biography and it is almost ready to be published. You are the first person who appears in that book who has the joy of reading it even if it is not published. And so other wonderful days passed until today, Friday, August 1, 2003, when I dedicate this second book to that wonderful and special being. I respect her right to remain anonymous, but she may be my angel, but she doesn't know it yet. She may have transcended to an existential plane without even realizing it. Her name is withheld, but she knows who she is. It's you, the jealous little kitten with the slippery slope, but with the big heart. You're my "Swiss Fruit" outfit. You're the skinny one from... (I reserve the words that describe her so well). Share my happiness in dedicating this book to you: "Transformation from man to angel".

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

407

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

408

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

I do not remember well all the events that took place from this day on in Sizler but I do remember that we met once more, the last time. I invited her to accompany me to a medical evaluation appointment I had at Centro Medico in San Juan with a whole board of experts in gastroenterology, surgery, internal medicine, etc. There was Dr. Esther Torres, Director of Gastroenterology, Dr. Longo, famous surgeon, Dr. Gilberto Rodriguez, Director of Surgery and other doctors and interns invited to the consultation. I remember going there to get a second opinion to be evaluated for a recostructive colon surgery or j-pouch as it is known and what I received in response broke my heart and I cried. When the specialists saw the medical documentation that I showed them of my surgical and treatment processes due to the delicacy of my condition, I remember that Dr. Torres, after listening to both my words and the analysis of the doctors and interns present at the "medical meeting" there, told me: "I wouldn't touch you again; what's more, I would take out the remaining colon or rather the rectum that was left and leave you like this, since you have too many complications and it would be high risk to reconnect you; I would make sure that the ulcerative colitis was not recurrent; I would leave the (colectomy) bag 409

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

permanently". As I said, I couldn't stop myself and in the presence of everyone, including her, my jealous little cat and "Swiss fruit" model who was with me, I said, crying:

“If you see me as I was when I had my ileostomy on December 14, 1998, I looked like an eighty year old man, and like, almost dying I begged my surgeon, Dr. Lucas Pimentel Fernandez, if he could make sure that there would be a chance for me not to become sterile and not to lose my manhood, because I had not yet married and had no children, yet; that I was the only Fernandez in my family that was left with the hope of continuing our family name and lineage. I remember wiping my tears in everyone's presence and telling them:

410

De Regreso a la Vida: AutobiografĂa Pablo FernĂĄndez ColĂłn

"I have come here, motivated, with hopes of achieving a better quality of life and some happiness after so much suffering and you tell me that I'd better stay like this; that you don't guarantee me a better condition if I operate again". Everyone cried with me, including Ivette, and the medical consultation ended without any encouraging hope for me. Ivette and I left the consultation room and ate something light in the corridor near the cafeteria of the hospital complex, near the University Hospital, where we were. The last thing I remember was that we said to each other, "After fifteen years and everything that has happened to us, look at us here together talking, crying and eating a little cake and soda, but happy and in peace," or something like that.

End of the ending added to the Final Chapter. .

411

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

412

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

APENDICES MEDICOS / MEDICAL APPENDICES

413

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

APENDICES MEDICOS DIA 14 DE DICIEMBRE 1998: ILEOSTOMIA

414

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

DIA 16 DE DICIEMBRE 1998: BIOPSIA DE LA ILEOSTOMIA

415

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

DIA 25 DE DICIEMBRE 1998: DADO DE ALTA

416

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

ADMISION 1 FEBRERO 1999: ENDOFTALMITIS SEVERA

417

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

DIA 5 FEBRERO 1999: SE DETERMINA REMOVER OJO DERECHO

418

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

DIA 9 DE FEBRERO 1999: ENUCLEACION OJO DERECHO

419

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

DIA 10 DE FEBRERO 1999: BIOPSIA ENUCLEACION OJO DERECHO

420

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

DIA 11 DE FEBRERO 1999: DE ALTA SIN OJO DERECHO

421

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

DIA 12 DE FEBRERO 1999: ANALISIS ESPECIMEN MICROSCOPICO OJO DERECHO

422

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

DIA 3 DE MARZO 1999: REIMPLANTE ESFERA OJO DERECHO

423

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

DIA 27 FEBRERO 2003: SIGNOIDOSCOPIA

424

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

DATOS BIOGRÁFICOS DEL AUTOR ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Pablo Fernández Colón, cuarto y último hijo de quien en vida fueron Pablo Fernández Burgos y María Luisa Colón Navarro, Mrs. Colón, ambos naturales de Maunabo, Puerto Rico. Nace un 19 de noviembre del 1956 en la misma ciudad de Maunabo, al igual que todos sus hermanos, Jesús David, (QEPD), Carmen Leticia (QEPD) y Ruth (QEPD). Pablo Fernández Colón es estudiante de nivel doctoral en la Universidad de Puerto Rico, Recinto de Rio Piedras, Facultad de Educación, especializado en Currículo y Enseñanza del Inglés como Segundo Idioma (Ed. D. TESL) hasta el 2016.

425

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Además posee una Maestría en Artes, especializado en la Enseñanza del Inglés como Segundo Idioma (M.A. TESL) en 1985; egresado de la misma universidad, al igual que un Bachillerato o Licenciatura en Artes con un Menor o subespecialización en la Enseñanza del Inglés como Segundo Idioma (B.A. TESL) en 1980 de la misma Universidad de Puerto Rico, UPR, pero del Colegio Universitario de Humacao de la Universidad de Puerto Rico (CUH) conocido actualmente como Recinto de la UPR en Humacao (UPRH). Graduado en Teología Bíblica del Instituto Bíblico “Peña de Horeb” (ahora Colegio Bíblico “Peña de Horeb”) del Concilio Iglesia Pentecostal de Jesucristo Inc., Misión Internacional (ahora conocido por sus siglas IPJMI) en Yauco Puerto Rico al 1984. Su conversión y ministerios: Convertido al cristianismo en la ciudad de Nueva York el 13 de julio de 1971, en la iglesia Asamblea de Iglesias Pentecostales de Jesucristo Inc., en la Westfarm Road del Bronx, gracias a la grabación del Evangelista internacional Yiye Ávila “Terremoto”, lo que lo tocó y movió a aceptar a Cristo como su salvador personal.

426

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

En 1973 regresa de Nueva York a su ciudad natal de Maunabo Puerto Rico junto a sus padres el también ministro de Jesucristo, Pablo Fernández Burgos (QEPD). En el verano del 1973 se hace miembro de la Iglesia Pentecostal de Jesucristo Inc. (IPJ) de la Barriada Marín de Guayama Puerto Rico, iglesia pastoreada para entonces por el Rev. Francisco Berberena Sánchez, uno de tres fundadores del Concilio IPJ (The Last Warrior), (QEPD). Fue líder juvenil cristiano desde 1974 al 1981 del Concilio IPJ, ocupando las posiciones de presidente local de Jóvenes, (enero 1974), Vice-Presidente del Distrito o Sección Este de Puerto Rico (julio 1974) y Presidente Insular (1975-1976, y 1980). 427

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Perteneció a la Directiva Insular de Jóvenes IPJ desde 1975 al 1981(ahora denominada Juviem PR). Ministro del Evangelio de Jesucristo desde 1980. Dirigió el Periódico “Sol de Justicia” como órgano oficial del Departamento de la Juventud (Juviem PR) IPJ desde 1980-1987. Se desempeñó como maestro de Teología Bíblica del Concilio IPJ desde 1983 al 1988, cuando sale del Concilio IPJ y forma parte de la 1ra Iglesia Metodista Charles W. Drees Memorial en Guayama Puerto Rico. En la Iglesia Metodista se desempeña como ministro de la música, llegando a ser Director del Ministerio Musical de la IM de Guayama y participante de la Agrupación “Salterio y Arpa”, originalmente metodista, luego inter-denominacional, dirigida por José de Jesús, miembro también de la IM de Guayama. Fueron sus pastores metodistas el fenecido Rev. Bienvenido Güisao, posteriormente, su sucesor pastoral de la IM de Guayama, el Rev. Pedro Valentín Peláez Sepúlveda hasta el 2005. Ambos descansan en el Señor. Para el 2005, se traslada con el Rev. Miguel Ramos Lozada de la Iglesia Metodista de Guayama, a la ciudad de Coamo, Barrio Los Llanos para ayudarlo en el ministerio de la música. Ejerció allí funciones de Director de Adoración y Ministerio Musical. Además se desempeñó como Presidente de Relaciones Pastorales de la IM en Coamo durante 428

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

2007-2009. A diciembre del 2010, ejerció como Ministro y Pastor Asistente de la Iglesia Cristiana Misionera Mundial Inc., junto al Rev. Carlos Rosa, Q.E.P.D. y su amada esposa la trabajadora social Elizabeth Lynn, también fenecida, Q.E.P.D., en la ciudad de Guayama, Puerto Rico. Del 2011 al 2014 perteneció al Concilio Iglesia Evangélica Unida de Puerto Rico, Congregación u obra nueva de Guayama, donde se desempeñó como predicador, músico y maestro. Al 2016 funge como misionero inter-denominacional apoyando diversos ministerios en varios pueblos de Puerto Rico. Al 2016, además es soldado (miembro) del Ejército de Salvación, Cuerpo de Guayama, Puerto Rico hasta el momento presente. Ejerce además, ministerios por internet o cibernéticos (Cyber Predicador) desde el año 2008 al presente, dirigiendo las emisoras cibernéticas “Puerto Rico Digital Radio”, “Radio Salvación PR” y “Radio Latitudes”; proveyéndoles acceso a la red mundial a distintos ministerios como lo son la Iglesia Pentecostal Unción y Avivamiento de Guayama PR, pastor Rev. Pablo Sánchez Ortiz, Iglesia Adventista del 7mo Día de Guayama, Iglesia Cristiana Misionera Mundial de Guayama e Iglesia La Familia de Las Marías, Puerto Rico, pastoreada por el Rev. Ricci Ruiz Ríos. Profesión secular:

429

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

En su fase secular, se desempeñó como profesor de inglés como segundo idioma del sistema de Educación Pública de Puerto Rico desde 1980 al 2008. Parcialmente regresa a la enseñanza pública en los años 2011, 2014 y finalmente 2016, año en que retiró como maestro de enseñanza pública. También ejerció como maestro de destrezas básicas en el antiguo Campamento Penal y Correccional de Guavate en Cayey, PR, durante un semestre en enero – julio,1982 proveyendo conocimientos en Inglés y Matemáticas además de Español a confinados de custodias media y mínima. Durante sus estudios de maestría en la UPR en Rio Piedras PR, fungió como Especialista en Destrezas de Aprendizaje en Español e Inglés en el Colegio Universitario Tecnológico de la UPR en Bayamón (CUTB), ahora llamado por sus siglas UPRB por año y medio (sept. 1985 a dic. 1986). Ejerció su profesión como educador en la enseñanza del inglés como segundo idioma (TESL) también en la James Monroe HS en el Bronx, NY durante dos años: 1992-1994; precisamente la escuela donde estudió sus grados 10 y 11 en 1971 al 1973, veinte años antes. Se desempeñó también como educador en la Universidad Interamericana de Puerto Rico, Recinto de Guayama desde 1985 al 2003. Y posteriormente, en la Universidad del Este, (SUAGM) en Santa Isabel Puerto Rico desde enero 2012 a mayo, 2016.

430

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Sus Momentos Difíciles: Su salud tomó un giro sorpresivo para mediados del 1995, llevándolo casi a la muerte en el 1998, siendo hospitalizado por casi siete meses en el Hospital Episcopal Cristo Redentor de Guayama, PR debido a Colitis Ulcerosa, una condición muy poco conocida para entonces. Como resultado de la Colitis Ulcerosa, se le extirpó su intestino grueso o colon, siendo sometido a una colostomía y, como él mismo señala: “como si no fuera suficiente perder mi intestino, la vesícula también, perder a mi padre en el mismo año (1998) y ver a mi madre postrada en una silla de ruedas por un infarto y luego innumerables derrames cerebrales, en el mismo año, como gracia perdí mi ojo derecho, como resultado de la Colitis Ulcerosa en una probabilidad de uno en diez millones de probabilidades; siendo el primer caso de esta índole en todo Puerto Rico ”. Al día de hoy Pablo Fernández Colón, “el profe”, es un ejemplo vivo de la gracia y poder milagroso de Dios. Entre sus metas están, en adición a la publicación de este libro, y además de publicar su autobiografía “De Regreso a la Vida” (2003), “Transformación de Hombre a Ángel”, (2004), “Poemas Nacidos del Alma” (2007) y “Mi Amigo Pinto” al 2007, “Historia del Cristianismo en Puerto Rico, sus Fundamentos Teológicos e Históricos al 2010”, https://issuu.com/pablofernandez024/docs/historia_de 431

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

l_cristianismo_en_pr , “Estudios Bíblicos de Formación Cristiana” (2011), “Trascendiendo al Infinito” (2013), “Interpretando al Apóstol Pablo, dentro de un marco de inteligencia spiritual e internas” (2014), Periódico NEWS (2009, 2011, 2013, 2015, 2019), Vidas (2011), Estudios Bíblicos de Formación Cristiana (2011), Restaura tus Circuitos Existenciales (2013), Caribe Digital Magazine (2012-2015, 2019), Etnografía de un Pueblo: Puerto Rico (2013), Asian Families Languages in the Pre-Columbian America (2013), The Orisha Tradition: A living Culture in the Caribbean (2013), Behind the Carnival Masks (2013) y The Inner Knowledge: A new Paradigm in The Teaching and Learning Processes (2014). Diseño de un Modelo de Educación Personalizada Inspirado en el Aprendizaje para toda la Vida (2014), Trascendiendo al Infinito, Dentro de un modelo de Inteligencia Espiritual e Interna (2014) y BIOGRAPHIES: A Reading Approach in ESL As Paradigm in the Resilience Learning and Teaching Processes (2015) y The Use of Biographies for the Development of Proficient ESL Readers (2016) – Dissertation Project for the ED.D. Todos estos libros están disponibles en: https://issuu.com/pablofernandez024/docs Además de otros varios libros que lleva en curso; está el fundar una universidad teológica académica para conferir títulos universitarios en Divinidad, y si el Señor no ha venido antes y se lo permite, otorgar 432

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

grados Post-Graduados en Divinidad a nivel de Maestría y Doctorado. A tales fines, incorpora “Global Evangelism and Social Work Inc., GESWI, el 13 de agosto, 2013. Al día de hoy, finaliza estudios conducentes a un doctorado en educación en la enseñanza de inglés como segundo idioma (Ed. D. in TESOL) en la Universidad de Puerto Rico, Recinto de Rio Piedras, Puerto Rico los cuales se hayan en su etapa final de Disertación. Entre sus metas futuras está el reubicarse en China y países asiáticos para compartir su fe y testimonio con la nueva iglesia creciente en estos países. Tras varias gestiones, llega a sus sesenta años y ya es un maestro retirado efectivo al 3 de octubre del 2016. En el 2017, desde mayo 18 que sale de su casa hacia la sala de emergencias del Hospital Episcopal San Lucas, ahora Hospital Menonita de Guayama, no es hasta el 14 de diciembre del 2017 que regresa a su hogar, nuevamente, tras haber estado dos meses en el hospital (mayo 19, - diciembre 14, 2017) donde recibe una segunda cirugía del intestino delgado, una ileostomía, surgen complicaciones post-cirugía y es ubicado en el Hogar de Envejecientes Oasis de Bendiciones y Amor en el barrio Jauca del pueblo de Santa Isabel, donde es ubicado por el Departamento de la Familia por solicitud propia, para recibir tratamiento médico tras la ileostomía. Un tratamiento que finalizó al mes y medio de haber llegado allí directamente desde el hospital el 18 de julio, 2017 433

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

pero es hasta casi seis meses después, desde este día hasta el 14 de diciembre, 2017, que al fin regresa a su hogar completamente restaurado y habilitado al igual que su casa, transformada por voluntarios, algunos anónimos, quienes le pusieron su casa como nueva. Tras las experiencias vividas durante estos ocho meses del 2017, sí, tras también haber sobrevivido a los súper huracanes Irma y María en septiembre del 2017, vive sus propias vicisitudes que se narran en este libro así como en su libro anterior a este: Mi Tercera Vida…en un mismo cuerpo (2019) Disponible en: www.issuu.com/pablofernandez024/docs Tiene ahora dos grandes sueños que desea alcanzar: el establecimiento del primer centro de rehabilitación post cirugías o traumas, lo cual no existe aún en Puerto Rico, y segundo: convertir lo que una vez fue Guayama Digital Printing, la primera impresora digital en todo el sur de la Isla - 1999, antes negocio con fines de lucro, a una empresa “non-profit” o sin ánimos de lucrarse: Guayama Digital Community Press; una división de servicios de edición, impresión, publicación y mercadeo tanto tradicional como digital a personas que interesen dar a conocer sus vivencias, mediante Global Evangelism and Social Work, Inc., GESWI, como su corporación “non-profit” impulsora. Le deseamos éxito en todo sus ministerios y empresas al servicio de Jesucristo y de la humanidad. 434

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

https://paypal.me/PabloFernandezColon?locale.x=es_ XC

Banco Santander de Puerto Rico Ruta: 021502341 Cuenta #: 3107650260

435

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

436

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Biographical information about the author

Pablo Fernández Colón, fourth and last son of whom in life were Pablo Fernández Burgos and María Luisa Colón Navarro, Mrs. Colón, both natives of Maunabo, Puerto Rico. He was born on November 19, 1956 in the same city of Maunabo, like all his brothers, Jesus David, (RIP), Carmen Leticia (RIP) and Ruth (RIP). Pablo Fernández Colón is a doctoral student at the University of Puerto Rico, Rio Piedras Campus, Faculty of Education, specializing in Curriculum and Teaching English as a Second Language (Ed. D. TESL) until 2016. He also holds a Master of Arts, specializing in Teaching English as a Second Language (M.A. TESL) in 1985; graduated from the same university, as well as a Bachelor's degree or Bachelor of Arts with a minor or sub-specialization in the Teaching of 437

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

English as a Second Language (BA TESL) in 1980 from the same University of Puerto Rico, UPR, but from the University College of Humacao from the University of Puerto Rico (CUH), currently known as the UPR Campus in Humacao (UPRH). Graduated in Biblical Theology from the "Peña de Horeb" Bible Institute (now "Peña de Horeb" Bible College) of the Pentecostal Church of Jesus Christ Council, International Mission (now known by its acronym IPJMI) in Yauco Puerto Rico in 1984. His conversion and ministries: Converted to Christianity in New York City on July 13, 1971, at the Pentecostal Assembly Church of Jesus Christ Inc., on Westfarm Road in the Bronx, thanks to the recording of international evangelist Yiye Avila "Earthquake", which He touched him and moved to accept Christ as his personal savior.

438

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

In 1973 he returned from New York to his hometown of Maunabo Puerto Rico with his parents also the minister of Jesus Christ, Pablo Fernández Burgos (RIP). In the summer of 1973 he became a member of the Pentecostal Church of Jesus Christ Inc. (IPJ) of the Marín neighborhood of Guayama Puerto Rico, a church pastored by Rev. Francisco Berberena Sánchez, one of three founders of the IPJ Council (The Last Warrior), (RIP). He was a Christian youth leader from 1974 to 1981 of the IPJ Council, occupying the positions of local Youth president (January 1974), Vice-President of the District or Eastern Section of Puerto Rico (July 1974) and Insular President (1975-1976), and 1980. He belonged to the Insular Directive of Youth IPJ from 1975 to 1981 (now called Juviem PR). Minister of the Gospel of Jesus Christ since 1980. He directed the newspaper "Sol de Justicia" Sun of Justice, as the official organ of the Department of Youth (Juviem PR) IPJ from 1980-1987. He served as a teacher of Biblical Theology of the IPJ Council from 1983 to 1988, when he left the IPJ Council and is part of the 1st Charles W. Drees Memorial Methodist Church in Guayama, Puerto Rico. In the Methodist Church he works as music minister, becoming Director of the Musical Ministry of the IM 439

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

of Guayama and participant of the "Salterio y Arpa" Grouping, originally Methodist, then interdenominational, directed by José de Jesús, member also from the IM of Guayama. His Methodist pastors were the late Rev. Bienvenido Güisao Sénquiz, later, his pastoral successor of the IM of Guayama, the Rev. Pedro Valentín Peláez Sepúlveda until 2005. Both rest in the Lord. For 2005, he moved with the Rev. Miguel Ramos Lozada of the Methodist Church of Guayama, to the city of Coamo, Barrio Los Llanos to help him in the ministry of music. He served as Director of Adoration/Worship and praise and Musical Ministry there. He also served as President of Pastoral Relations of the IM in Coamo during 2007-2009. In December 2010, he served as Minister and Assistant Pastor of the Worldwide Christian Missionary Church Inc., together with Rev. Carlos Rosa, R.I.P. and his beloved wife, social worker Elizabeth Lynn, also deceased, R.I.P., in the city of Guayama, Puerto Rico. From 2011 to 2014 he belonged to the United Evangelical Church Council of Puerto Rico, Congregation or New Work of Guayama, where he served as preacher, musician and teacher.

440

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

In 2016, he serves as an interdenominational missionary supporting various ministries in various towns in Puerto Rico. By 2016, he is also a soldier (member) of the Salvation Army, Guayama Corps, in Puerto Rico until the present moment. He also exercises online or cybernetic ministries (Cyber Preacher) from 2008 to the present, directing the cybernetic radio stations "Puerto Rico Digital Radio", "Radio Salvación PR" and "Radio Latitudes"; providing access to the world network to different ministries such as the Pentecostal Church Unction and Revival of Guayama PR, Pastor Rev. Pablo Sánchez Ortiz, Adventist Church of the 7th Day of Guayama, World Christian Missionary Church of Guayama and The Family Church of Las Marías , Puerto Rico, pastored by the Rev. Ricci Ruiz Ríos. Secular profession: In his secular phase, he served as a teacher of English as a second language of the Public Education system of Puerto Rico from 1980 to 2008. Partially returns to public education in the years 2011, 2014 and finally 2016, year in which he retired as a teacher of public education. He also served as a teacher of basic skills in the former Penal and Correctional Camp of Guavate in Cayey, PR, during a semester in January - July, 1982 441

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

providing knowledge in English and Mathematics as well as Spanish to inmates of medium and minimum custody. During her master's studies at the UPR in Rio Piedras PR, he worked as a Specialist in Learning Skills in Spanish and English at the UPR Technological University College in Bayamón (CUTB), now called by its acronym UPRB for a year and a half (Sept. 1985 to Dec. 1986). He practiced his profession as an educator in the teaching of English as a second language (TESL) also at the James Monroe HS in the Bronx, NY for two years: 1992-1994; precisely the school where he studied his grades 10 and 11 in 1971 to 1973, twenty years before. He also worked as an educator at the Inter American University of Puerto Rico, Guayama Campus from 1985 to 2003. And later, at the Universidad del Este (UNE), (SUAGM) in Santa Isabel Puerto Rico from January 2012 to May, 2016. And at the UNE in Yauco from December 2015 to March, 2016; Nowadays called Ana G. Mendez University. His Difficult Moments: His health took a surprise turn by mid-1995, taking him almost to death in 1998, being hospitalized for almost seven months in the Cristo Redentor Hospital

442

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

of Guayama, PR due to ulcerative colitis, a health condition very little known at that time. As a result of Ulcerative Colitis, his large intestine or colon was removed, being subjected to a colostomy and, as he himself states: "As if it were not enough to lose my bowel, my gallbladder also, lose my father in the same year (1998) and see my mother lying in a wheelchair for a heart attack and then countless strokes, in the same year, as a grace I lost my right eye, as a result of Ulcerative Colitis in a probability of one in ten million odds being the first case of this nature in all of Puerto Rico ". To this day, Pablo Fernández Colón, "the professor", is a living example of the grace and miraculous power of God. His goals: Among his goals are, in addition to the publication of this book, and in addition to publishing his autobiography "Coming Back to Life" (2003), "Transformation from Man to Angel", (2004), "Poems Born from the Soul" ( 2007), "My Friend Pinto" to 2007, "History of Christianity in Puerto Rico, its Theological and Historical Foundations to 2010", https://issuu.com/pablofernandez024/docs/historia_de l_cristianismo_en_pr , "Biblical Studies of Christian Formation" ( 2011), "Transcending the Infinite" 443

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

(2013), "Interpreting the Apostle Paul, within a framework of Spiritual and Internal intelligences" (2014), NEWS Newspaper (2009, 2011, 2013, 2015, 2019), Lives (2011), Restores your Existential Circuits (2013), Caribbean Digital Magazine (20122015, 2019), Ethnography of a Country: Puerto Rico (2013), Asian Families Languages in the PreColumbian America ( 2013), The Orisha Tradition: A living Culture in the Caribbean (2013), Behind the Carnival Masks (2013) and The Inner Knowledge: A new Paradigm in The Teaching and Learning Processes (2014). Design of a Personalized Education Model Inspired by Learning for Life (2014), Transcending Infinity, Within a Spiritual and Internal Intelligence Model (2014) and BIOGRAPHIES: A Reading Approach in ESL As Paradigm in the Resilience Learning and Teaching Processes (2015) and The Use of Biographies for the Development of Proficient ESL Readers (2016) - Dissertation Project for the ED.D. In TESL. All these books are available in: https://issuu.com/pablofernandez024/docs In addition to several other books that he has in progress; is to found an academic theological university to confer university degrees in Divinity, and if the Lord has not come before and allows it, grant post-graduate degrees in Divinity at the level of Masters and Doctorates.

444

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

To this end, he incorporates "Global Evangelism and Social Work Inc., GESWI, on August 13, 2013. Registration: 329032 in the Department of State of Puerto Rico. As of today, he is completing studies leading to a doctorate in education in teaching English as a second language (Ed. D. in TESOL) at the University of Puerto Rico, Rio Piedras Campus, Puerto Rico, which have been in their End of Dissertation. Among his future goals is relocating in China and Asian countries to share his faith and testimony with the new growing church in these countries. After several arrangements, he reaches his sixtieth birthday and is already a retired teacher effective October 3, 2016. In 2017, from May 18 he leaves his home to the emergency room of the San Lucas Episcopal Hospital, now called Mennonite Hospital in Guayama, it is not until December 14, 2017 that he returns to his home, again, after having spent two months in the hospital (May 19, - December 14, 2017) where he receives a second small bowel surgery, an ileostomy. Post-surgery complications arise and he is located in the Home of the Oasis of Blessings and Love in the Jauca neighborhood of the town of Santa Isabel, where Pablo is located by the Department of the Family by its own request, to receive medical treatment after the ileostomy. A 445

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

treatment that ended a month and a half after having arrived there directly from the hospital on July 18, 2017 but it is until almost six months later, from this day until December 14, 2017, that he finally returns to his home; even with enough conditions that it took him almost a year to fully recover; but that now is completely restored and enabled, like his house, transformed by volunteers, some anonymous, who put his house as new. After the experiences lived during these eight months of 2017, yes, after having also survived the super hurricanes Irma and María in September 2017, he lives his own vicissitudes that are narrated in this book. His dreams: He now has two big dreams he wants to achieve: the establishment of the first rehabilitation center after surgery or trauma, which does not yet exist in Puerto Rico, and second: converting what was once Guayama Digital Printing, the first digital printer in the entire South of the Island - 1999, before business for profit, to a company "non-profit" or without encouragement to profit: Guayama Digital Community Press; a division of editing, printing, publishing and marketing services, both traditional and digital, to people interested in making their experiences known, through Global Evangelism and

446

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

Social Work, Inc., GESWI, as their "non-profit" promoting corporation. Recognitions: He received an important recognition just at the end of 2019:

He was recognized as Biographical Candidate to represent Puerto Rico in the Marquis’s Who’s Who in America, 2020 edition. Deep congratulations! We wish you success in all your ministries and businesses at the service of Jesus Christ and of humanity. https://paypal.me/PabloFernandezColon?locale.x=es_ XC

Banco Santander de Puerto Rico Route: 021502341 Acount #: 3107650260 447

De Regreso a la Vida: Autobiografía Pablo Fernández Colón

448