Whistlestop FEBRUARY 2012
E PRESS
Whistlestop.org
The Leading Information Resource for Marin's Active Aging Movement
After 71 Years of Marriage, They Still Seem Like Honeymooners By JOHN BOWMAN
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d and Bette Hageman of San Rafael still talk about each other as if they were honeymooners, yet they celebrated their 71st wedding anniversary on January 12. Ed, 96, says, “It certainly doesn’t seem that long; we’re still very much in love. I am fascinated by Bette and adore her.” Bette, 90, says Ed’s proposal “seems like yesterday,” and adds, “I think we’ve stayed together because of good communications – even during difficult times – and mutual respect. And of course that love issue is always there. I think ‘I am fascinated Ed’s fantastic, still working at that age.” by Bette and I Ed is an architect who adore her.’ still goes to the office Tuesday through Friday each week. They are a model couple for the Whistlestop Express’s February Theme: Long-Term Relationships. They met in 1940, shortly after Bette, fresh out of school, took a job at the office of builder Henry Doelger in San Francisco, where Ed worked. Doelger was America’s largest homebuilder in the 1930s. Bette said that one day Doelger asked Ed, “Have you checked out the brunette at the reception desk?” Ed said he had
Readers Invited to Give Feedback page 6
Ed and Bette Hageman. and a couple of days later he stopped by Bette’s desk. He said that he thought they lived in the same neighborhood, and asked if he could drop her off after work. She said yes. “Actually, I lived in the Marina and he lived in the Richmond District,” Bette said. About six months later Ed proposed, Bette accepted and they were married a few months later. Two months after the wedding, Ed, realizing he was about to be drafted, enlisted in the US Army Air Corps. He was separated from his new bride, now pregnant, for only a few months because the doctors discovered that Ed had stomach ulcers. They both say that their mutual good sense of humor has had a lot to do with their long romance. They have two children, Susan Nelsen and Richard Hageman, two grandchildren and two great-grandchildren. ✦
Birds Side of Marin page 11
Best of Marin for Older Adults page 15
Whistlestop
Table of
PERSPECTIVE by JOHN & VAL BOWMAN Humor, Kindness Help Keep Marriage Going for 32 Years
CONTENTS 3 4 5 6 7 8/9 10 11
Welcome Lori Peterson From Rocky's Pantry Rocky Packard Employees of the Month Reader Survey Friendship Full of Adventure Whistlestop Classes Activities Calendar The Bird's Side of Marin Richard Pavek
13 14
Board Member Column–Jane Lott
15
Best of Marin Ballot
Grand Mom Audrey Mettel Fixmer
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Marin Senior Coordinating Council, Inc. 930 Tamalpais Avenue San Rafael, CA 94901 Chief Executive Officer, Joe O’Hehir Board of Directors President, Dennis Thompson Vice President, Terry Scussel Treasurer, Michael Rice Secretary, Michael Hingson Karen Arnold • Eleanor Delaney • Claudia Fromm Jane Lott • Debbie Mills • Lori Peterson • Bill Saul Bob Sonnenberg • Jeff Stoffer Whistlestop Express is a publication of the Marin Senior Coordinating Council, Inc. A 501 (c) 3 not-for-profit organization The Mission of Whistlestop: To promote the independence and well-being of Marin County’s older adults and individuals with disabilities to enhance their quality of life. Whistlestop Contact Information Main Number 415-456-9062 Whistlestop Fax 415-456-2858 www.whistlestop.org Information & Referral Office 415-459-6700 • resource@whistlestop.org Whistlestop Express Editorial, Art Direction & Sales John & Val Bowman Editors 916-751-9189 • john.bowman58@gmail.com Missy Reynolds Art Director mreynolds@pacificsun.com Advertising Linda Black • 415-485-6700, Ext. 306 Whistlestop Express is printed on recycled paper To be added to, or taken off, the email list for Whistlestop Express, please call 415-456-9062, ext. 141. Or send an email, with your request, your name and address to INFO@whistlestop.org. Subscriptions mailed to your home are $10/year.
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Whistlestop Express
FEBRUARY 2012
O
ur theme this month is Long-term Relationships. Whistlestop Express editors, John and Val Bowman, share some of their experiences in maintaining a successful longterm relationship. On February 15th, they will celebrate their 32nd wedding anniversary. John: When we decided to get married, we agreed that since we had gone through painful divorces, we didn’t want to do that again. Do you remember what you told me when I asked how we were going to make sure that didn’t happen? Val: Yes. We were sitting in a restaurant and I said, “I think things will work out if we just remember to be kind to each other.” J: Right, and I think humor has helped all along the way. It’s a gift that we both have quirky senses of humor. V: Yes, I knew I was going to love you when you wrote me a poem about how worried you were on our first date that I’d open the door, you’d give me a big smile and you’d have a piece of spinach in your teeth. J: Things haven’t always been easy. We have made it through some rough patches. Having eight children between us – six of mine and two of yours – could have been a deal-breaker. When our good friend fi xed us up, she had some reservations about “all those children.”
But the kids get along well. V: And now we have 18 grandchildren and seven great-granddaughters. Another reason I love you is that you don’t expect me to remember everybody’s birthday. J: I think our toughest time came when you went back to school to get your Master’s Degree. When I look back on that, I realize that I feared I might lose you. You had this whole new community of friends. And my newspaper career had ended about then when I left a company where I simply didn’t fit. I think I was a bit depressed. V: I’m glad we found some good couples counseling. Judith and William had us start our sessions agreeing that our relationship was sacred. J: Yes, I am really grateful for them. They had us look into each other’s eyes and remember what brought us together in the beginning. V: Another thing that has helped keep our relationship strong is using Nonviolent Communication (NVC), Marshall Rosenberg’s system, also called Compassionate Communication. J: Yes, when we remember to use it, we are able to quickly work through issues that come up because NVC is about ensuring that everyone gets their needs met. V: But most of all, we’ve lasted this long because we always remember to have fun. ✦
Visiting AngelsÂŽ Can Help Share the Care
Lori Peterson Joins Whistlestop Board
L
ori Peterson, MA, who recently joined Whistlestop’s Board of Directors, has more than 20 years of experience in the healthcare industry. She is founder of Collaborative Consulting, with a vision to bring individuals and healthcare organizations together to “accelerate change, enhance and expand services, improve quality, and bring new offerings to the market and consumers.â€? She said she joined the Whistlestop Board because, “I believe Whistlestop’s services are of great value, and the need for these services will only continue to expand under the influence of economic uncertainty and demographic demand trends.â€? Lori lives in Mill Valley and Collaborative Consultants is located in Marin County, but she works with clients all over. Lori received a BS in Exercise Physiology at Kansas State University and her MA in Psychology at Sonoma State University; she is working toward her MS in Gerontology from the University of Massachusetts. Lori regularly accepts association and industryoriented speaking opportunities as part of her mission to educate and accelerate change in the healthcare industry. Recent speaking engagements include the facilitation of a small group discussion regarding healthcare reform initiatives, care transition programming, and integration strategies for acute, post-acute, and long-term care. She is on the Board of Healthy Living Home Health. A few of her affiliations include Aging Services of California, California Association of Healthcare Facilities, the Gerontological Society of America and American Society on Aging. âœŚ
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From Rocky's PANTRY b y R O C K Y PA C K A R D
Jackson CafĂŠ Bay Shrimp Salad
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his is an easy and excellent warm weather salad recipe, but it can also brighten up a winter lunch or dinner. It is great stuffed into ripe tomatoes or as a filling for a very satisfying sandwich. Shrimp are anything but small in their nutrient density — shrimp is an excellent source of selenium and unusually low-fat, lowcalorie protein. Enjoy! 1-1/3 pounds 1/2 cup 1/2 small 3 Tbsp
Bay Shrimp Mayonnaise Red onion, finely diced Fresh chopped dill Salt and pepper to taste
Combine all ingredients, mix well. Per Serving (excluding unknown items): 358 Calories; 26g Fat (64.5% calories from fat); 31g Protein; 1g Carbohydrate; 0g Dietary Fiber; 240mg Cholesterol; 380mg Sodium. Exchanges: 4 1/2 Lean Meat; 2 Fat. âœŚ
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Whistlestop Express
FEBRUARY 2012
Help Package Meals with Kids Against Hunger
C
oming to Whistlestop this spring is a new concept where volunteers of all ages come together to help pac k a ge h i g h-nutrient meals in assembly-line format for local food shelves and children around the world. Kids Against Hunger– Marin will be opening an office at Whistlestop this month, serving Marin and North Bay Area with a new program. The project is based on the idea that people help solve the hunger problem by becoming part of the solu-
tion. It is an easy-to-do, fast-paced fun activity that produces results by creating a special rice-soy casserole meal with a cost of only 25 cents per meal. Food will be donated to Food Banks in Marin, Northern California, and emergency use for international disasters. Karen Thompson, who owns Mad Rags Fashions, in Montecito Plaza, is founder and executive d i r e c t or. S he will be using the proprietary Kids Against Hunger formulated food recipe and manual packaging equipment to set A typical food assembly line up food packing events at Whistlestop. “I couldn’t get the project out of my mind, after watching how a simple assembly line of people carefully measured and filled small plastic bags with just four vitamin-fortified ingredients.â€? says Karen, a 30-year Marin resident, and president of the San Rafael Harbor Rotary Club. She discovered the Kids Against Hunger service project at the annual Rotary International convention in 2010 in New Orleans. She knew then that Marin needed this project, as it would engage people ages 7 to 107 in an activity that makes such a difference. “The most amazing part was watching the volunteers really having fun. In addition to giving their labor, they happily gave a donation that pays for the ingredients they were packaging.â€? âœŚ
Whistlestop Announces 2011 Employees of the Year
The winners are: Diane Stacey, Cindy Thai, and Ron Kiesel.
What People are Saying about S.T.A.R. Program
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he S.T.A.R. Program is sponsored by Marin Transit and operated by Whistlestop, with funding through the Metropolitan Transportation Commission’s New Freedom Program. A few comments from users: “The Program is a lifesaver and makes me feel more secure in my decision-making. I no longer put off doing things I should do because I’m able to have a trusted person in my life give me a ride. It saves me a lot of time and improves my quality of life. I’m glad the program gives me the ability to reimburse my driver because with her assistance, I can get things done with no stress.” —Stephanie M “I think the program is great. I don’t know what I’d do without it. You’re doing a great job.” — June D “I would highly recommend the volunteer driver program because it’s a great thing. I can’t take cabs because they’re too expensive and the buses wear me out. This makes it easier to get to my appointments in San Francisco with the help of my driver.” —Curt M To learn more, call 415-454-0960. ✦
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Readers' SURVEY hat are your favorite parts of Whistlestop Express? How could we improve the publication? We are eager to get your feedback. Please complete this survey and return it to us one of several ways:
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• Return it in the envelope inserted between Pages 8 and 9; • Mail it in a separate envelope or drop it off at: Whistlestop Active Aging Center 930 Tamalpais Ave. San Rafael, CA 94901 • Fax it to us at: 415-456-1008
We would really like to hear from you. Please rank the following, with 5 being the top grade and 1 the lowest, by circling a number:
H. Grand Mom’s Column 5 4 3
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A. The look and layout of Whistlestop Express 5 4 3
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B. Interesting stories and photographs 5 4 3 2 1 C. Contains useful information 5 4 3 2 D. Classes and Activities pages 5 4 3 2 E. Whistlestop Perspective Column 5 4 3 2
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F. Rocky Packard’s Column and Recipe 5 4 3 2 1 G. Richard Pavek’s Bird’s Side of Marin 5 4 3 2 1
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K. Useful Advertisements 5 4 3
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Long-term Friendship Full of Adventure
HEALTH CARE CONNECTION
M
ary Polizzi and Hella Cordes, good friends since 1972, are regulars at the Jackson Café where they appreciate the fresh and afforable menu and also can socialize with other people. “We eat at the Jackson Café almost every day,” Mary said. “It’s great food – healthy stuff, and nicely priced. We love it.” They also have taken a variety of classes at Whistlestop. Mary, a retired RN, and Hella first met when Hella took a job as a nursing assistant at the hospital where Mary was working. They decided to be roommates and have lived together off and on ever since. Hella, originally from Germany, returned there for a while but the two have shared housing ‘We eat at the past 27 years in San the Jackson for Rafael. Café almost “We love to travel together,” Mary, and they now have every day.’ said plenty of time for travel since they are both retired. They are planning their longest trip ever in the coming year. “We will go in a motor home,” said Mary. “We’ll go cross country to Florida, then go up the coast all the way to Maine. It’ll take about six weeks. We’ll share the driving. I like driving, so I’ll do most of it, but Hella will help.” They have traveled all over, and they often stop along the way to do some fishing, usually hooking trout. “Hella catches the big ones and I get the small ones,” Mary said. Blue Lake and Clear Lake are two of their California favorites. At home, Mary loves to cook so she prepares most of the meals and Hella does the dishwashing. There usually is some sports event on the TV and Mary is a devout Oakland Raiders fan. They both also love to garden. Having a good friend to share life's journey makes all the difference ✦
415 4572256 www.HealthCareConnectionLLC.com
Book Signing February 16
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laudia Carroll has a “publishing coming out book-signing party” scheduled for Thursday, February 16 in Jackson Café, starting at 2:30 p.m. This is for the new anthology, “Now, and Then,” with more than 20 writers (two stories each). Claudia teaches a memoir class at Whistlestop. ccgypsy37@yahoo.com. whistlestop.org 7
Keep Learning at WHISTLESTOP BEGINNING COMPUTERS FOR ADULTS LEVEL II Thursdays, March 1 - April 5 • 10 to Noon Fee: $50 for 6 classes | Instructor: Ed Essick Pre-registration required: 459-6700 Requirement: have a Windows-based computer This is a hands-on course for those with basic skills who want more experience in using a Windows computer. This class builds upon the skills learned in Beginning Computers for Adults Level I. You will learn how to: work with the programs and features of Windows, create and save a document with a word processing program, search the Internet using Google and Internet Explorer, save and organize information (such as pictures and documents) on your computer, work with email and attachments, secure your computer from intrusion, and download information and programs from the Internet. COMPUTER/PICTURE CLASS Beginning: 2nd Friday 2 to 4pm Advanced: 3rd Friday 2 to 4pm Fee: $15 Instructor: Gene Dyer Registration required: 459-6700 Call for more information and class descriptions. DROP-IN COMPUTER LAB Mondays • 10 to Noon n & Wednesdays • 10 to 2pm Need help using a computer? We have volunteer computer tutors available to work with you oneon-one, if needed. NEED HELP PREPARING YOUR INCOME TAXES? By Appointment • February to April Locations: Whistlestop and Margaret Todd Senior Center, Novato Free: donations appreciated Schedule an appointment: 456-9062, x128 after January 30. The Volunteer Income Tax Assistance (VITA) 8
Whistlestop Express
FEBRUARY 2012
program is available for individuals with basic, uncomplicated tax returns who qualify. Trained volunteers are available to help. Taxpayers are asked to bring a copy of their previous year’s return and documents reporting income for d allll off the h d the 2011 tax year. ~NEW CLASS~ BEGINS FEBRUARY 13 LAMAS QI GONG Ancient Chinese Self-Healing Art Mondays • 9:30 to 10:30am Fee: $3 | Instructor: Debra Zibitt, Certified Sifu Lamas Qi Gong cultivates and manipulates one’s inner vital life force by using skill of breath, combined with gentle soft movements, visualizations and intentions. Lamas Qi Gong heals and strengthens the body. Benefits to you: On-going development to personal growth, helps On-go stress, and reduce anxiety and fear. to eliminate elim HEART ATTACK PRESENTATION Tuesday, February 14, 10 to 11am Tuesd Presented by Crystal Barajas & Lorraine Bolido, Presen Dominican University Domin Do you y want to know more about heart attacks and the signs and symptoms associated with them? Knowing the signs and symptoms can save your life! Join us at this informative presentation and learn ways th reduce risk factors and learn what to do if you to red have a heart attack. BOOK SIGNING: NOW AND THEN, THE EASY WAY TO WRITE AND SHARE THE STORIES OF YOUR LIFE! Thursday, February 16, 2:30pm Reservations: 456-9062 Speaker: Claudia Carroll, author and instructor Remembrance Writing 101, The Easy Way to Write and Share the Stories of Your Life is a guidebook to help you access memories, and encourage you to write the stories you choose to remember. We’ll also do some “quick-writes!” Books will be available for purchase.
VALENTINE’S TEA DANCE Friday February 17 • 5 to 7pm Fee: $3 | RSVP: 456-9062 Join Whistlestop for music and dancing at our next Tea Dance. If you missed our last dance, you won’t want to miss this one. Snacks and drinks will be provided. COMING SOON IN MARCH FREE SHREDDING DAY • March 10 ST. PATRICK ’S DAY LUNCHEON • March 15 KNOW THE 10 SIGNS: EARLY DETECTION MATTERS Thursday, February 23, 10 to Noon Presenters: Alzheimer’s Association Registration required: 456-9062 or 472-4340 Some change in memory is normal as we grow, but the symptoms of Alzheimer’s disease are more than simple lapses in memory. Memory loss that disrupts daily life is not a typical part of aging. It may be a symptom of Alzheimer’s, a brain disease that causes a slow decline in memory, thinking and reasoning skills. This program will provide information about the 10 warning signs of Alzheimer’s disease and the importance of early detection. THANK YOU, BREAD & ROSES A special thank you to Bread & Roses for providing live entertainment for our special luncheons throughout the years. The music groups are extremely talented and the musicians are caring people, who are volunteering their time. Our reward is watching the older adults walk out from our luncheons with big smiles and a lighter step. The music is healing and uplifting. We appreciate the hard work you do for so many agencies. Thank you for being a part of Whistlestop. IN-KIND DONATIONS NEEDED Mah Jongg sets, decks of cards, books and yarn. If you have items to donate, please call: 456-9062
VOLUNTEER OPPORTUNITIES Contact: Debbie at 456-9062 or programs@ whistlestop.org • Jackson Café volunteers, at least one day a week from 11am to 2:15pm • Front Desk/Center Host(ess) • Board or Card Game Leader • Resource Office, computer experience required ROSS VALLEY SENIORS Thursday, February 2, 11 to Noon Lunch: Noon to 12:45pm, reservations, 258-4669 Fairfax Woman’s Club, corner of Park Road & School Street, Fairfax Topic: Putting your memories & life on paper: the art of scrapbooking Next Meeting: March 1, 11am
Your Marin Transportation Choices Your One-Call / One-Click Transportation Resource:
(415) 454-0902
www.MarinAccess.org
COMMISSION ON AGING Thursday, February 9 • 10:00-12:30 pm Where: San Rafael Community Center, 618 B St., San Rafael Topic: Issues in Nursing Homes and Assisted Living Facilities Next Meeting: March 8 • 10 am at Margaret Todd Senior Center, Novato
Transportation Numbers Marin Access Call Center: 454-0902 Get Qualified to Ride: 456-9062, x106 eligibility@whistlestop.org Cancel a Ride: 457-4630 Volunteer Driver Program: 454-0969 whistlestop.org 9
Whistlestop ACTIVITIES This Month at Whistlestop
FRIDAYS
THURSDAYS
WEDNESDAYS
TUESDAYS
MONDAYS
TIME 9:00–2:00 PM 10:00–11:00 AM 10:00–NOON 11:00–12:30 PM 11:10–NOON 2:00–4:00 PM 4:00–5:30 PM
9:15–10:15 AM 10:00–2:00 PM 10:45–11:45 AM 11:00–2:00 PM 1:00–3:00 PM 2:00–3:00 PM 2:00–3:30 PM 2:30–3:30 PM
CLASS
MISC.
COST
Chair Massage AM Monday (Discussion) Computer Lab German Social Group Movement & Music ESL (Jan. 23-May 16, 2012) Citizenship Class
Open 457-0586 Open Open Open 457-8811 454-0998
$4/8min. Free Free Free Free Free Free
Whistlesizers (Exercise) Asian Social Group Cardio Exercise Class Manicurist Learn Spanish ESL Vietnamese English Conversation Balance Class
Open 454-1552 Open Appt. Needed Open 454-1552 454-0998 Open
$2 Free Free Free Free Free Free $10
Monday-Friday 11:30am-2:00pm $10 Located in Whistlestop $4/8min. Active Aging Center
9:00–10:15 AM 9:00–2:00 PM 10:00–11:30 AM 10:00–11:30 AM 10:30–NOON 10:00–2:00 PM 10:30–11:45 AM 2:00–4:00 PM 3:00–4:00 PM
Tai Chi Qigong Chair Massage Chiropractor Seniors' Circle (Support) Mah Jongg Computer Lab Corazón Latino ESL (Jan. 23-May 16, 2012) Basic English for Spanish Speakers
Sugg. Donation Open Open Open Open Open Open 457-8811 457-0586
9:15–10:15 AM 10:00–NOON PM 10:00–2:00 PM 2:00-3:30 PM 2:00–4:00 PM 3:00–4:00 PM
Whistlesizers (Exercise) Knit!!! Asian Social Group English Conversation Remembrance Writing Basic English for Spanish Speakers
Open 457-0586 454-1552 454-0998 Open 457-0586
$2 Free Free Free $5 Free
WS Knitters ACASA (Support/Training) Practice Spanish (Club) Film Club Arts & Crafts w/Vicky Yoga with Kelly
1st Fri. Arts & Crafts Peer Counseling Open Feb. 10 & 24 Feb. 3 456-9062
Free Free Free $2 $3 $3
11:00–1:00 PM 1:30–3:30 PM 1:30–3:30 PM 2:00–4:00 PM 2:00–4:00 PM 3:00–4:00 PM
Jackson Café
$5 Free Free Free Free Free Free
LUNCH MENU 60+ PRICES/ UNDER 60 PRICES
Main Entrée $4.50/$7.25 Sandwiches $4.25/$6.25 Soup du Jour $1.75/$2.25 Hamburger w/Fries $4.25/$5.25 Salads $2.50/$4.00 OTHER ITEMS Tuna Salad Side Fresh Fruit Beverages Desserts
$1.25 $1.50 $1.00 $1.50
The Caboose, Computer Lab, Board Room and Jackson Café are all located at Whistlestop’s Active Aging Center – 930 Tamalpais Ave., San Rafael. 10
Whistlestop Express
FEBRUARY 2012
b y R I C H A R D PAV E K PHOTOS © RICHARD PAVEK
The Bird's Side OF MARIN
Avian Romance
W
hen John Bowman, Whistlestop Express editor, mentioned that the theme for this February issue was long-term relationships, I thought about how I might fit this column into that theme. There is no question that many, perhaps all, birds can be very romantic. Cooing doves, Lovebirds and Gannets, with their incessant bill touching and neck rubbing every time the male returns (which I illustrated two issues ago), are all good examples. But nothing stuck out as a prime example. Then I thought about Cupid, the winged human. Back in olden days, Cupid was a mighty archer, firing great long arrows that enflamed the Gods and Demi-Gods with romantic passions that infected their targets and troubled them for
years. Eons even. Not so the short arrows of the present day child-like cupids. Their arrows, more often than not, seem to instill romantic passion that lasts only briefly — sometimes only until the next morning. Alas, more often than not, love seems to flame up, mature, and leave before we can grasp it firmly. Well, love can’t be grasped firmly, can it? So, having nothing else of great import to impart, I leave you with this Valentine’s image — two Black Swans in New Zealand. Every weekend, I email a beautiful, funny or unusual bird photo to Express readers. If you’d like something nice to look at in your Inbox, email me at SHENmaker@MSN.com. ✦ Till next month, Richard whistlestop.org 11
March 10th Shredding Day
Women in Print Exhibit/Talk
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T
histlestop is offering another confidential document shredding event Saturday, March 10, from 9 am to 2 pm in Whistlestop’s parking lot, 930 Tamalpais Ave., San Rafael. The Access Information Management Mobile Shred truck will be parked next to Whistlestop’s building. Sayeed Chaudhury, general manager, and his team will be available to help; there is no charge for shredding. However, a suggested donation of $4 per carton would be greatly appreciated to further Whistlestop’s mission to “end loneliness everyday.” What can be shredded: All confidential papers, brochures, pamphlets, manila file folders, magazines, printer/copier paper, stationery, adding machine tape, photos, Post-Its, computer printouts, and envelopes. What cannot be shredded: food, wet waste, food containers, metal or glass containers, plastic and Styrofoam containers and material, tapes, discs, flash drives, hard drives, toner cartridges, plastic bags, ring binders and hanging folders. ✦
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Whistlestop Express
FEBRUARY 2012
he Bolinas Museum has several exhibits in February. Women in Print: Etchings from Paulson Bott Press Woven Photographs: by Julie Garner Drawings: by Denis Bold Attic Treasures: Artifacts from the History Collection On Feb. 18, at 2pm, Renee Bott, who has spent years working with artists and diverse print techniques, will share some of her knowledge and experience and talk about the exhibition. The talk is free and no reservations are required. The museum is located at 48 Wharf Road, Bolinas. For information, call 415-868-0330 or info@bolinasmuseum.org. ✦
We Want Your ‘Grand-Stories!’
D
o you have the cutest grandson in Marin County? How proud are you of your granddaughter, the neurosurgeon? What is your favorite funny or poignant story about one of your grandkids or greatgrandkids? We want your stories and photos. The April issue of Whistlestop Express will feature stories about Marin County “grands.” Please send us your name, hometown, email address and/or phone number and tell us about your grandchildren. Contact us at valjohnbow@aol.com or call 916-751-9189. Deadline: Monday, March 5th. We look forward to hearing from you. ✦
Want to Advertise in the Whistlestop
E PRESS
Call: Linda Black 485-6700 x306 for rates and deadlines!
They Met at Whistlestop and Wound Up Married
P
lenty of folks meet and become friends at Whistlestop, but not many of them wind up getting married. That’s exactly what happened with Elba and Bill White of San Rafael. About five years ago, Elba came here from her native Columbia on a Friday and the following Monday met Bill at Whistlestop. “My daughter, Angela, wanted me to meet people so she took me there,” Elba recalls. “I met Bill that first day. We had a nice conversation and soon we were seeing each other. Two years later, on October 10, 2008, we got married.” Bill recalls that a Whistlestop staffer seated Elba next to him at the Jackson Café. “That was all it took,” he said. Bill just turned 85 and Elba is 67. He said Elba is a “very energetic person” and he feels years younger since meeting her. “I am so thankful that her daughter
Leaving Home for the Last Time One of life’s most painful experiences is coping with a loved one’s death. Our grieving mind finds the simplest decision difficult. And decisions about closing up the family home become next to impossible. The work can feel overwhelming. When that happens, a family member either calls Goodwill to take it all or parks everything in a storage unit at $187 a month until someone gets around to dealing with it. Here are five suggestions to help close out an estate: 1. As with any major project, plan ahead as much as possible. Determine if you have the time and resources to handle the cleanout by yourself or if you should hire an estate services professional. Consider what your time is worth and how costly any delay in selling might be. 2. Expect conflict, both in your own emotions and among family members. Family dynamics are heightened at times of stress; whether you are the estate executor or not, consult with a professional if things get out of hand. 3. Take care of pets and perishables immediately. If the pet owner has named a new owner for Fido, consider yourself lucky. If not, the Marin Humane Society can offer guidance.
wanted her to socialize and that Whistlestop put us together.” Bill is a retired radiation physicist, having worked in several cancer centers in the area. Elba is a retired teacher, who taught Italian in Columbia. Bill taught Spanish for a while at a university in the Midwest. They also both love music, classical and Latin. They love reading together, including poetry. When asked what they have in common, Elba said, “Oh, my goodness. So many things. We enjoy our life together so much. There are not enough hours in the day.” ✦
By JANE LOT T
Perishables and garbage must be removed for health and safety reasons. But be careful! Don’t just dump the sugar canister or throw out the old mayo jar. As people age, they worry more about theft of their belongings and often find very creative storage places. Caution: take medications to a pharmacy for disposal. 4. Distribute items according to the will or trust. This is more difficult than it sounds. Often, an heir has moved and left no forwarding address. Sometimes, the item can’t be found. Be sure to keep a detailed record of everything you dispose of or distribute. 5. Take care of yourself. The task of cleaning out a home is physically strenuous and emotionally draining. Get adequate sleep, plenty of rest, good meals and exercise. Seek help from a grief counselor, if necessary, or contact Hospice about grief support groups. If you find that closing the home is too overwhelming, call in a professional. For referral services, call Whistlestop’s Help Desk at 459-6700. ✦ Jane Lott, of Silver Rain Estate Transition Services, is on the board of Whistlestop. You can reach her at SilverRainETS@gmail.com or 415-601-2613. whistlestop.org 13
Grand MOM by AUDREY METTEL FIXMER
Recipe for a Good Life
T
he holidays are such a great time to stay in touch with old friends. Although the postal service is woefully shrinking in these days of instant texting, e-mailing and all the other social networking, I still love to get cards and letters … voices … from my past: Charlotte, a “mother’s helper” who lived with us for her senior year of high school and now has grandchildren of her own; Tom and Betty, who taught with Bob in the 50’s and shared our laughter and tears. They remind me of the many layers of love that add flavor and richness to our lives. I thought of the analogy as I was making my Seven Layer Taco Dip for a New Year’s Eve party. First I selected a pretty Christmas dish to present it in. As I spread the thick glob of refried beans on the platter, I thought of it as the foundation, a healthy protein, like the long-term
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Whistlestop Express
FEBRUARY 2012
relationships of our lives: our birth family from whom we learn the power of love when Mommy can kiss a hurt away, and Daddy can keep off the boogie man, and that God listens to our prayers. That’s the firm foundation. Those relationships endure until one-by-one we bury them: father, mother, brother, sisters. The second layer is the guacamole, reminding me of my next longterm relationship: my husband. That’s where the color, spice and more healthy vitamins come into the taco spread, with the avocados, lemon, and garlic. Talk about long-term relationships! How about 63 years of marriage and 10 kids? Bob and I truly lived by our vows: unto death, and in those 63 years our relationship evolved through many changes as we matured and acquired new responsibilities. All of life is dynamic. The avocado becomes the guacamole and is spread over the refried beans. The third layer of the taco dip is the sour cream mixed with a package of taco seasoning and a little mayo. It represents my 10 kids, and that’s a lot of spice. I remember a friend, learning that she was pregnant with her fifth child, commenting to me, “What bothers me is the INEVITABLITY of it.” That’s right, my dear. From the delivery room to the death, he is yours. Now that’s a long-term relationship. Nothing is more life changing than the birth of your first child. It’s the richest layer and the spiciest. Sprinkle in a few grandkids and great-grands and Yummy! The other layers are sprinkled over the sour cream: chopped green onions, sliced ripe olives, chopped fresh tomatoes, shredded cheddar cheese and Swiss cheese. They are the friends we make along the way: the co-workers, the committee members, the bridge players, the health care workers, the visiting angels and servers of all kinds. They add flavor, security and color to our lives. And that’s just the appetizer. Can you imagine the main course? ✦
2012BESTOFMAR N
FOROLDERADULTS
R
eaders are invited to vote for their favorites in our Best of Marin for Older Adults issue. Balloting is open to any Marin County resident who is 60 years of age or older. Remember, we are looking for the best places from the perspective of an older adult. So, service, accessibility and price are key factors.
Votes must be turned in by February 13. Simply write in your favorite place and the city of its location for each category and mail or drop off your ballot at Whistlestop, 930 Tamalpais Ave., San Rafael, CA 94901. Results will be published in the April issue of Whistlestop Express.
BEST RESTAURANTS Breakfast ___________________________________
Buffet _______________________________________
Brunch______________________________________
Pizza________________________________________
Lunch_______________________________________
Coffee/Tea ___________________________________
Dinner ______________________________________ Best Service _________________________________
BEST SHOPPING
Most Economical _____________________________
Supermarket ________________________________
American ___________________________________
Farmer’s Market _____________________________
Asian _______________________________________
Clothing Store _______________________________
Mexican _____________________________________
Gift Shop for Children ________________________
Italian ______________________________________
Pet Store ____________________________________
Persian _____________________________________
Bookstore ___________________________________
Vegetarian __________________________________ Other _______________________________________
BEST OF MISCELLANEOUS Continuing Ed Classes________________________
BEST SPECIALTY FOOD
Computer Classes ____________________________
Burger ______________________________________ Hotdog ______________________________________ Burrito ______________________________________ Soup ________________________________________ Salad Bar ___________________________________
Park ________________________________________ Dog Park ____________________________________ Most Beautiful Vista _________________________ Best Walking/Hiking Trail____________________
whistlestop.org 15
Whistlestop E PRESS Marin Senior Coordinating Council 930 Tamalpais Avenue San Rafael, CA 94901-3325 Whistlestop.org To subscribe to Whistlestop Express, please send $10/yr in the enclosed envelope. Or send an email with your request, your name and address to info@whistlestop.org
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Whistlestop Express
FEBRUARY 2012
February 22 s AM Medi-Cal & VA: 7HAT 9OU 3HOULD +NOW IN !DVANCE Speaker: J.R. Hastings, JD
-ARCH s AM 4RANSITIONING TO 9OUR 3ENIOR ,IVING (OME Speaker: David Knepler, Drake Terrace
February 23 s PM 0RESERVING 9OUR %STATE &ROM AND &OR THE +IDS Speaker: J.R. Hastings, JD
-ARCH s PM (OW TO 0RESERVE 9OUR ,EGACY IN A ,IFE 3TORY Speaker: Veronica Balseiro, Narratives for Generations
-ARCH s PM %STATE 0LANNING 0ARTS ! " Speaker: J.R. Hastings, JD ,OCATION 2EDWOOD (3
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