Self Directed Play

FEATURE SELF DIRECTED PLAY FOR BABIES

By Ella Diprose

We love our babies and we know how beneficial it is for them to have lots of interactive time with us, having cuddles, singing to them, making eye contact, and reading books. But as well as enjoying time with our babies, us parents need a break sometimes to have a hot drink or a few minutes to get the washing folded or the dishwasher unloaded. Some parents may feel there is no other way to get a break or get dinner cooked in the evening than to put your baby, toddler, or kids in front of the TV. I am not against this, and I freely admit that I give my almost 2 year old daughter small amounts of TV some days because it does keep her entertained. What I want to suggest is a healthier and safer way to get a break which will also positively impact your child’s brain and body development: Self directed play time. My baby is at an age, at 5 months, where he is more vocal and chatty. It is so cute and also can be more demanding. He wants me with him, holding him, bouncing him on my knee, or helping him stand up to look at things. This can get exhausting and it can feel like you put them down on their play mat and a few seconds later the grizzle or protest starts and they want to be with you again. This isn’t something bad, this is our babies communicating to us, and is developmentally normal. It means they have a strong, secure attachment to us. But it’s also ok to help our babies to have time independent of us, even if it means starting with a few minutes at a time. So, what does self directed play look like for a baby? During his awake and alert time, after my son is fed and burped and changed if needed, I put him on a play mat on his back. He instantly rolls onto his tummy now that he’s learned this skill. I put some toys or loose parts that are safe and age appropriate around him. Then I sit by him and just watch. To start with if your baby is used to you playing with them and showing them the toys or holding them often they may protest. I always respond when my baby is communicating, so I chat to my boy and say, “Yes this is different to how we normally play. You sound frustrated.” I get down to his level and show him I’m still there. If he’s still grizzling and clearly not enjoying it, I say “Do you need a cuddle with mama before you want to play some more?” and I pick him up and reassure him. When he’s calm, I pop him on his back on the floor again. It’s so hard to resist moving a toy closer to them or shaking a rattle to entertain them, but by sitting back and giving them time we are helping them to do what they are born to do: explore and learn. Babies are born with an innate ability to explore, discover, and imagine and they know how to play. When we give them lots of daily time for self directed play we are giving them opportunities to learn and grow. It’s about showing respect for your baby and trusting them to learn at their own pace. Making sure your baby has a 100% safe space that’s gated off to play in and move around is key to self directed play. This means they aren’t off getting into every room in the house, if they’re up to the crawling stage. This can take a little bit of thought to set up and prepare but is worth it. For me, with a baby and a toddler I have to have a space where I can separate them so that my 5 month old is safe from his big sister, who loves him so much but can love him too much and wants to cuddle and almost smother him. Otherwise, it simply wouldn’t be safe to leave them in the lounge together for a couple of minutes while I’m in the kitchen.